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>>660713587
kek

>>660714603
Tl;dr

>>660715011
Your loss.

>>660713587
pure fucking gold man.

>>660715327
Dude, I raged just by reading half of it.

>>660715337
Acid doesn't work like that.

Maybe PCP or some other dissociative, but not acid.

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>>660715865
More rage? I've collected a few good ones, even though some aren't greentext

>>660716110
That's depressing

>>660716110
thats just cruel, why are people so fucking mean to eachother

>>660715918
I'd say datura would be the best contender for something like this. Dissos don't alter reality like this.

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Anyone got justice greentext ?

>>660716110
FeelsBadMan

seriously guys, I'm a newfag to 4chan, maybe 5 months, and

Every
Single
Fucking
Greentext
Story

Is the fucking same!

I've read them all, are there just 15 fucking decent greentexts that ever came out of this cancer in the past 20 years?

>>660718035
there isn't a lot that is truly significant to screencap, doesn't mean it's all shit

>>660718035
My folder holds 167 things in the category "threadcaps and greentexts", and that's not very much

>>660718162

I get that, but everyday the are at least 3 "best epic greentext XD" threads, and every day in all of them are the same fucking 15ish greentexts

Why do people even bother coming to /b/ for that shit, unless /b/ is only inhabited by 2 week old newfags, and oldfags laughing about the epic maymays over and over and over again?

>>660717280
amazing read/10

>>660717280
Top kek

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my personal favourite

>>660718850
>maymays
Settle your tits.

>>660719231
lol

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>>660719717
The rock part always gets me

Also hope y'all don't mind me posting a feels one

>>660719457
Best fucking greentxt i've ever read
π/π

>>660720093
have better quality?

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>>660715230

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>>660720382

>>660721390
fucking kek

>>660720512
What...the...fuck

Is is beyond fuck up and shouldn't be in this thread, this shouldnt be anywhere... Ever

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>>660722065

>>660722052
maximum kek

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>>660722224

>>660715918
it's still funny you chair face

>>660715327
I would murder this guys family for him, free of charge.

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Fuck this spidey shit, I Have Fun

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>>660723370
here's one I always liked

I'm a newfag when it comes to greentexting but been lurking around for awhile. I'm an EMT for my town, there have been some crazy calls that I've been dispatched too and personal experience that I wanna share, where should I?

>>660715327
If this was a you rage you lose thread, I would've lost

>>660716110
Post the rage

>>660713587
I remember this one XD Top lulz

>>660715011
i read, anon its worth it

>>660724136
I don't know what an EMT is but just pre-type your stories so no wasted time and then start a thread and post them if interest I guess?

>>660722065
You must be lost. You all alone?

>>660716110
That wasn't rage, I just felt a feel

>>660715230
I never understood this. Maybe if the sandwich slave is a dick, but until that point they pretty much don't deserve this

>>660717280
Best thing I've read

>Elementary school
>Early 2000s
>The same school had a section for older kids (15-19) with special needs (retards)
>Tards had built a big snow castle where they'd spend time during breaks
>We wondered how retards could've built something so nice
>The older kids of our school wouldn't have it
>We start a resistance movement against the tyranny of the retards
>Viva la resistance!
>We called the movement "Hell's devils"
>The first secret meeting of the Hell's devils was held in the forest next to our school, near a large pine and some rocks.
>A good number of the older kids, and three youngsters from my grade showed up to the meeting
>We agreed to launch an assault at the retards during the next break, without a declaration of war, while spreading the word of Hell's devils
>Le break time
>We emerge from the forest with sticks and snow(rock)balls as our weapons in a surprise attack.
>Retards be like "dafaq?" (unsurprisingly :D)
>When they finally figure out what's going on, all hell breaks loose
>The drooling 6'7" (from the viewpoint of a 4'2" kid) hulk-retards emerge from their castle with fury of a monkey and attack us
>Our lines shatter when countered with superior numbers and overwhelming physical strength, so we were forced to retreat back to the forest
>Luckily these teenage mutant ninjas motorics skills were underdeveloped, so they couldn't match even me in speed
>All of us managed to make our escape, and we managed to make a small hole to the wall of their castle, so this could be called a victory

1/3

>>660719974
>Tfw thats basically what happened to me last night
>Went to sleep in a random parking lot to not look like beta with no friends
>Mfw I cried all night from 0 friends.

>>660725571
>The word of the heroic acts of Hell's Devils spreads like wildfire
>Next meeting was during next day's lunch break, where we recruited new soldiers, organized the resistance movement and refined our war strategy.
>Our numbers nearly tripled, and partisans of all age joined our movement, we even got some 12-yos to join us.
>We divided the combat roles by age, for example the youngest of us (7-8) got the shittiest jobs.
>We were "tiny pioneers"
>Our job was to dig trenches near the enemy lines, and to make our way to the castle through the holes made by the frontline soldiers (9-10 yos), and inflict damage from the inside
>11-12 yos became the officers (they threw rocks at the retards and gave instructions to the rest of us)
>Our job was by far the most dangerous one. The rumor was, if you got caught, the retards would kiss you and suck your balls, and that a bite from a retard would turn the victim into one aswell.
>The second offensive was scheduled for wednesday, during the second break.
>Wednesday
>Before the attack, we gathered at the Hell's Devils HQ and swore an oath
>Filled with confidence, we begin our assault
>To our large surprise, the retards were prepared for our attack, as they were more in numbers and had armed themselves with sticks and snow(rock)balls
>We don't fall back
>Frontline soldiers manage to breach a hole into a wall of the castle
>We, the tiny pioneers storm the castle, but are forced to soon fall back, as the physically superior retards go into hulk-mode
>The largest tard manages to grab one of the 8-year-olds from behind
>There was nothing I could do, so I made my escape
>Hell's Devils are forced to again retreat to the forest, as the retards overpower us

(2/3)

>>660725571
>>660725631
>Multiple variations of the story of what happened to the poor lad who was caught are probably still told in the school, but regardless all the students felt pity for him, and for the rest of the elementary school he was treated like a war veteran who had lost some limbs and his sight.
>Emergency meeting during the lunch break
>Third meeting of the Hell's Devils
>ADHD-kids want to join our Resistance
>We rejoice, as these ADHD-kids have a legendary reputation in our school due to the numerous pranks they have played
>We reorganize the movement to three divisions
>11-12 yos the elite corps
>7-10 yos the foreign legion
>ADHD-kids the jackasses
>We make plans for a major offensive on Friday's lunch break, in which we assault from three different directions and destroy the snow castle once and for all
>Friday
>To your positions!
>Attack!
>Oh shite, party poopers (teachers overseeing the kids during breaks)
>Retards tattled to the teachers
>Surely we're all going to detention, and our movement will be shut down
>Morning class of Friday
>"We're having an outdoors class with the older kids (11 yos)" announced our teacher
>With fierce determination we march to the classroom window of the retards, knocked a few times to the glass and sprinted towards their snowcastle
>In all my years I have never seen anything as entertaining as the 20 or so retards glued to their classroom window, and their priceless faces as we kicked and broke their glorious snow castle
>We were Hell's Devils.

(3/3)

>>660718023
why would you make the punchline the file name?

>>660715327
I am so fucking angry, it's unbelievable.

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>>660725868
Shut up; Gf is hand.

>>660724663
Ah okay that's what I figured, an EMT is an emergency medical tec, so when you call 911 for a illness or injury, they get dispatched out. Ones that drive the ambulances. If you guys are interested I'll post my Christmas night domestic ( husband vs drunk wife, drunk wife lost ) call as a rookie

>be me
>be 7
>have a best friend who is blaxican
>probably the hottest mix ever
>go to house
>have foot fetish at early age
>his mom is asleep barefoot
>fuck yes
>;rub her feet for about an hour
>build up courage to kiss, then lick feet

and that is how I got my first boner

>>660726263
Yeah you should man, but like the other guy said pre type you story's out.. There is nothing worst than waiting for a good greentext post, it really kills the enjoyment

>>660726372
hawt, any more stories?

>>660718035

I've been here 8 years and I couldn't agree with you more

>>660725696
Good fucking read anon

>>660726960
Yeah, but I'm too lazy to type them (alot longer)

>>660725571
>>660725631
>>660725696
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnnUUyjREyQ

>>660727214
>>660718035
its best to not view these threads for several months/years then to come back so you can at least remember you read the same bullshit half way through

>>660719285
I just spat out all my tea....

>>660715011
Its worth the read

>>660715327
the guy is pussy mother is retarded and sis is spolied nice genetic

>>660714933
topkek

>>660724022
I giggled like a child on this bus

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>>660718951
> johnathans are quite rumbled

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>18 year old rookie EMT
>On call Christmas night
>Dispatched to a domestic violence emergency
>oh boy
>Dispatch info reads "husband hit wife, wife is locked in bathroom"
>Excited but not too high hopes, probably just a black eye
>Arrive on scene
>Really nice house, walk to the door when a noticeably high amount of blood is splattered on the side of the house
>Oh fuck
>Walk in
>3 inch laceration on 38 year old woman's forehead, black eye, blood from both nostrils, mouth is bleeding, cuts all over her face
>Without blood and bruising, probably would be a8/10milf
>Two cops there, hasn't done anything but looked for the guy who I'm assuming ran
>Lady is extremely intoxicated and says that she only had two beers when there is an empty bottle of wine next to her
>My partner is bandaging her up while I'm writing down info because fuck the new guy
>Take her phone cause the last thing we need is her causing more problems
>15 minutes later
>Back of ambulance, taking vitals
>Everything is okay except she's been touching me and my partner's thigh sexually
>"Where's my phone?" For the past 10 fucking minutes
>Says she needs her phone to call plastic surgeon and it's obvious she's going to need one
>Park ambulance in the back of the hospital for ER care
>Partner and I taking vic through entrance
>"Please give me my phone, my husband is rich and he will give you anything you want"
>My partner whispers to me as we drop off patient at front desk "He already gave her a knuckle sandwich"
>kek

>As we are leaving we see same woman get forcibly restrained by two security guards while screaming about her phone

>>660725152
Classic

>>660717280
10/10 would read again

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>>660713587
>Mathturbator

>>660713587
Fun story. Anafranil doesnt have that side effect though. Pure BS

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>>660713587

>>660729972
want another tard one? I have more

>>660714603
SO FUCKING WORTH! saving it

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>>660715327
>that thumbnail
NO
NO
I REFUSE TO READ THAT

>>660725573
hue hue,
welcome!

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>>660713587

>>660731505
Do it anon

>>660717280
>You fat fucking sow.
Kek

>>660725571
>>660725631
>>660725696
Ahhh yiiis... good story anon. Had also some snow fights. but our school did not have tard kids (not allowed)

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>>660731751

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>>660731789
Here you go :^)

>>660732156
HAHAHA Maximum keks

>>660725571
>>660725631
>>660725696

autistic and shit story

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This one always gets me

>>660715327
RAGE!
i would burn the house down and lock those two in.

>>660716110
Fucking depressing

>>660732156
>if you don't jiggle then you get the dickle!
Fucking kek

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>>660732156

>>660732379
Haha good read anon

>>660713587
MONDAY FRIDAY WEDNESDAY

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>>660733369
this one is short but also about a tard

>>660716110
Now i´m fucking sad, fuck you anon

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>>660713587

>>660733511
Kekd
These tard stories ar good. Feels bad that my highschool dont have any tards

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>>660733214

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>>660734057

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>>660734061
same man

>>660722065
>being this much of a fag

>>660714933
kek

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>>660718850
>Being a faggot
>Complaining about faggots
>on /b/
>in [current year]
>DUDE
>WEED
>LMAO

A tard story
>be me
>Be in 8th grade
>have to sit next to a wave of tards in locker room
>one of them is a sand nigger
>makes me laugh with his shit accent
>one is a REALLY dark mexican
>almost a nigger
>he's fucking skin and bones
>could throw the kid 5 feet away
>start wailing on me for being thick (fat)
>sand nigger weighs about 200 pounds
>I weigh about 160
>call them faggots
>Mr skeletal says WHAT FAGGOT?>
>continues to call me fat
>you anorexic bitch
>QUIT USING NERD WORDS!
>You're just retarded
>whole room silent
>kid tries to fight me
>pick him up
>throw him
>he breaks his ribs on a locker door
>no one in that school ever messed with me again

my one time to go super sayan, wasted in the best way possible

>>660734182
nuh-uh

>>660735205
fucking great

>>660735233
you beat up a special kid, proud faggot?

>>660735704
He started it, and anyway, I didn't even pop him, I just picked him up and threw him

>>660721390
predictable

>>660721336
kek

>>660734182
YOU SIR!!! great laugh!

I have a shitload of adhd stories from when i was 10. An Aussie adhd kid that atleast got 1rage everyday. Im to lazy to write them on my phone right now.

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>>660734182

>>660734057
wat

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>>660736723

>>660714603
fucking golden, thanks anon.

>be me, about 7 years young
>really like to tase thing
>always put stuff in my mouth
>put my marbles in my mouth
>yummy
>swallow it
>5h later get incredible stomach pain
>parents freak out, bring me to doctor
>he says just wait he will shit it out
>i shit it out
>parents take away my marbles
>i get mad and want to take revenge
>steal all the coins from dads wallet
>put coins in my mouth
>yummy
>5h later i get incredible stomach pain
>parents get as mad as satan would if you tried to take his fuckslave Hitler from him.
>While they scream at me something come out of my ass
>its a coin
>covered in shit
>i am literally propelling fecie-coins out of my anus
>parents throw me out in the garden
>neighbours watch me while i drop a shitload of coins in our roses
>get grounded for a month
>i regret nothing
>coins are yummy
>shit was cash

>>660719010
>le dentist questions meme
ebin, simply ebin ;)

>>660719457
Kek

>>660715327
This genuinely made me angry

anyone have the cruise?

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>>660737239

>>660725696
Made me laugh, I can totally see that happening. You ever feel guilt for it though?

>>660738352
>lmgtfy.com
http://imgur.com/a/Ig5FL

>>660715327
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuuuuuuuck.
And they don't even ask before doing that shit.
And all of this is BEFORE the fucking femnazi shit.

>>660735233
lost.
threw a tard kid. lost.

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>>660738479

>>660737662
No, no no fuck that shit

>>660716110
then people wonder why kids shoot up schools, sad sad sad

>>660715327
I get so fucking angry for reading this

>>660717280
Amazing plot, names.. 10/10

>>660726372
Beatiful criyed

>660739787

>>660727214
>i've been here for eight years
>on /b/
anon... you don't have to lie to seem cooler.

>>660740188
1. check em
2. you're right, i've only been 2 years

>>660719457
holy shit, i spitted on my monitor

>>660740188
8years. I have been here for one year... I guess you have great stories to tell

>>660740716
fuck off fake me

>>660740899
Anon please

>>660734057
hasent this been confiremd as fake /pol/acks beaing butthurt?

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This is my favourite. vg edition. Makes sad tho, don't read in case you don't want some FEELS

>>660741245
already posted man

>>660741245
There is better feels pics man. Still a good one though

>>660741365
Oh shit, haven't noticed. Sorry

Anyone have the screencap for Butler Bro. Greentexts about his life as a butler for a russian mobster. Haven't seen it in ages

>>660719231
kill yourself faggot

>>660718035

There used to be tons of older ones but not many people lurk these threads to post them anymore

I've got a huge epic threads folder on my old laptop but it's broken and I haven't gotten it fixed yet. Feels bad man

>>660742041
most people dont post older ones because everyone has seen them a 1000 times, iv got like 300 greentexts (a lot from /tg/) and dont see a point in posting because sooner or later someone else will

>>660728711
agreed. Last time I actually read a green text thread was last April

>>660724022
He didn't have ass-less chaps

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>>660714603
/co/ often asks how 4chan cartoon would look like. This is what it should be based on; an autist son of Death Note

>>660720777
checked em

>>660732183
work of art

>>660718035
purchase yourself the 4chan gold account
and get full content

>>660714603
Güdkek

>>660725696
Had the perfect song playing as I read this, 10/10

>>660719213
hooooohly fucking shit
my sides are gonne

>>660719974
i dont even have this issue and i feel bad

i always invite people to hang with my group because of shit like this

>>660715327
YOU FUCKING CUNTS YOU PIECE OF SHIT LITTLE WHITE TRASH WHORES GO SHAFT A BAD OF NEEDLES I'LL FUCKING RAPE YOUR DEAD BODY WITH A METAL PIPE I'LL CUT YOU INTO SMALL EDIBLE CHUNKS AND FEED YOU TO MY CAT YOU FUCKING DIRTY PIECES OF SHIT FUCKING jsdlfjhasdhfjdksahfdadfgmadshjfgmjhasdfgfdshjgfdasjhfgasjkdhfgashjasfgdsahdjfggashdfhkjsghjsajhfgjhsaghfhkjsafdhkgdaghfasghkjfhgjkdasghkjsghjadsjfghasghjf

>>660730997
Except it does.
Not BS.
http://www.kens5.com/story/news/local/2014/06/24/10303644/

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>>660719231

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By far worth the read. Can't believe no one posted this. Also check email.

>>660718035

>announces newfaggotry
>thinks 4chan has been around 20 years

Pls leave, you are cancer

>>660715230
Sandwich slave reporting in, we ain't got Monterey cheddar no more nigga

>>660716110
And people wonder why there are school shooters nowadays.

>>660715230
As a former employ at subway I'd be pretty pissed at this..

>>660746669

>He thinks being a newfag has anything to do with how long you've been here

nigga you might have lurked for 10 years and still be a newfag

>>660746289
for the Valhalla!

>>660719213
haha topkek

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>>660716110
Now I'll go to sleep sad, thanks anon.

>>660737490
>Shit was cash

Underrated post

>>660719285
> shut fuck

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>>660721336

>>660722065
welcome new friendo

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>>660713587
This is fucking gold

>Year's ago, in a McDonald's during breakfast hours - family consisting of man woman, little boy (5) and little girl (10 or 12)-

>Man - "Put summa dat syrup on Jesmo's pancakes."

>Mom - "Zat your firs order of de day?!"

>Man - "I don need no attitude from you bitch. Give dat boy his syrup, you can see he wants it"

>little boy - (begins to cry and scream)

>little girl - "Momma can give you orders all she want, you welfare motherfucker!"

>General melee ensues, a real scream fest, and the guy is spanking the little girl too hard for anybody to handle, so the cops are summoned.

>Cops arrive, calm the family down, looks like everything is going to turn out OK even though Mom is still clearly fuming. As cops go to leave, Mom yells out, "You KNOW dis man gots warrants fo his arrest!"

>Cops grab the guy, cuff and stuff. He's screaming obscenities the whole time.

>>660725571
>le

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>mfw I have about 600 epic threads saved on my computer but don't have the will to sit here for several hours posting each and every one of them because I'm too hungover from last night

Maybe on the weekend guys

>>660746669
>falling for obvious bait this hard

>>660747595

What.

>you could be driving for 10 years and still be new to it

poor excuse, newfag

>>660742770
I'm 90% sure the girl in pic related was either someone's sister or a prostitute they hired

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>>660749383
top fucking kek

>>660750415

>what is a woman or an asian driver

some stereotypes are true anon

wel ill drop mine
>summer
>be 6-8 years old
>play with friend outside some 12-13 years old dude i barely know comes with his friend
>they say they found some epic pond to play in
and offer us to come too
>its fucking hot ouside
>whynot.jpg
>be at the pond
>started having second thoughts about this
>accidentaly trip and fall in the pond
>my friend follows and also jumps in to the pond
>one of the dudes tells me to suck his dick or hell drown us
>other dude tell the same for my friend
>eventually the second dude changes his mind while the first one decides to pick my friend
>i run away
>mfw i was almost raped
>mfw my friend hot raped instead
>i never told anyone about this
>not friends with the rape victim since then
>he also never told anyone
>mfw no face