>Be me
>Something happened to me
>Something happened to someone else
>We did some things
>I went home

bump for interest

>Be me
>Aches and pains, desperate for massage
>Workmate said try here
>Said he didn't believe they would when he got told to try it too
>was excited, had to wait a couple of weeks
>finally went
>picked 1 hour thai massage
>took to room
>mfw she has 3 teeth
>giggles and says get ready, back in a minute
>down to boxers and lie on bed
>she comes in, laughs, and rips boxers off me
>no towel
>lie flat, spread legs
>she's on top of me, doing massage, raging boner
>working legs, touching penis as the goes up leg
>spends 2 mins on upper back
>"turn over now" she said
>turns over with raging boner
>sees teeth, shuts eyes, plays dead
>"You want me to do this?" as she points at raging boner and giggles
>"Yeah go on then" I said
>£30.....
>30 second wank, came all over her and the room

Fucking waste of money, never again... What a time to be premature...

>Be someone else
>Didn't do too much
>Experienced something
>Other things happened
>Still to this day things are happening

>>657541717
>Be 13
>Female cousin staying with us (she's 19).
>She sleeps with her room open in a t-shirt and nothing else.
>I would stare at her as she slept and jerk off.
>She's a heavy sleeper, I tried to wake her up one night by pushing her around...she didn't wake.
>Be next night after trying this, I rub my cock all over her pussy (she was sleeping with her legs spread apart...), but I cum on the floor.
>When I was staring at her pussy, I noticed she still had a hymen (I was big into deflo. porn at the time even though I was a virgin).
>Next night and I do the same thing, but I cum on her pussy.
>Do the same thing at least once a week for a month.
>She starts getting morning sickness...
>She is pregnant and a virgin.
>Mfw...I'm probably the father of my cousin's baby...
>She still doesn't know. Baby was a healthy girl, and she still can't figure out how she got pregnant without having had sex.
> That baby girl is now 14 years old (I'm 28)

>>657542634
Did she make you a bj?

>>657542876
No, she stuck oil on her hands and went at it like she was starting a fire..

>>657542799
Is it real?

>>657542799
thats fucked up man

you just ruined her life

>>657542660
I dont believe you...

>>657542799
Nigga did you call him Jesus?

>>657542634
£30 is a lot for just a blowjob

>be me
>intellectually successful
>had to sacrifice social life for it
>never meet anyone in 2 years

>>657542799
>thinks you can see a hymen from just open legs
>thinks you can get a girl pregnant from cumming on them
At least make your retarded incest fantasy shit somewhat believable

>be me
>make up things that didn't happen
>walk a dinosaur

>>657543034
It wasn't even a bj, I should have asked but raging boner took over.

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>9 years ago
>Be 12
>First sex-ed class
>Teacher shows us how to put a condom on a banana
>Next lesson, he goes up a notch
>Teaches us how to jack off banana
>Next lesson gets a dildo and does the same thing (one of those ones that shoot fake semen)
>This continues to progress each lesson
>One day, he has nothing with him and asks for a volunteer
>No one puts their hand up, so he picks me
>"Drop your pants, Anon. This is important for all of your education. Good for you being so brave."
>Class is actually pretty tame
>Crush is sitting in front row seat, right in front of me
>Drop pants
>Dick drops onto her desk
>instantboner.jpg
>mfw only 4 inches
>mfw whole class laughed
>mfw I still had to put the condom on
>mfw the next lesson, teacher used me again to show the class how to masturbate

Anyone else got any embarrassing, middle-school sex-ed stories?

>>657542938
>>657543171
Your friend was a real bro

>be me
>16 year old beta-fag that uses /b/ daily
>haven't even talked to a female human being for weeks, aside from my mother
>mfw
>greentext.jpg

Continue?

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>hot oil massage at Asian place
>lightly stoking my cock while I'm on my stomach
>diamonds
>slides a finger in my ass slowly
>omgmyheadisesplode.jpg
>makes me a prostate fan forever
>cum buckets. Fall asleep for 30 minutes
>she helps me get dressed I can hardly walk
>my favorite AMP thing.

>>657543219
holy shit where are you from

>>657543219
Bullshit. There's no way that's legal

>>657543219
that is just fucked

>>657542940
It's real. My...daughter will be 15 in 11 days.
>>657543013
She took quite well to motherhood and had loads of support. She never figured it out, but she thinks that there was semen in a pool or on a toilet seat.
>>657543029
She had a daughter, not son. My daughter is not named Jesus, but I'm not telling anyone here what her name is...only that it isn't a super common name, but it isn't uncommon either.

>>657543363
Calgary. Why? Were you in that class?

>>657543412
Isn't that normal sex-ed? What the fuck did you, then? Did you even learn anything?

>>657543089
>Thinks you cant make a gurl pregnant from coming on their pussy
Have fun with ur kinder surprise. Yes its less likely, but not at all impossible

>>657543505
bs unless you went to a private school

>>657543446
>It's real.
and so's the soup dragon. Now fuck off you under-aged moron

>>657543089
It wasn't just open legs...she was a very heavy sleeper. I was exploring her pretty heavily. I was rubbing my cock all over and between her pussy lips. It was everything short of just fucking her.

>>657543538
>failed biology 101
>gurl
14 year old retarded faggot confirmed

>>657543505
Man I think thats illegal too. At least un Spain, a teacher cant do that in a school, he should go to jail

>>657543595
I did. Is it really that weird? I thought that was standard sex-ed practice.

>>657543614
of course you were and of course she is. Now run along, mommy's calling

>>657543446
>semen in a pool or on a toilet seat
You and your entire family are absolutely fucking retarded.

>>657541717
>be me
>be britbong
>night out with friends
>in club
>see group of landwhales
>get chatting pretty decent girls considering theyre fat bastards
>chat turns dirty
>alpha fat fuck of the group mentions she likes to be strangled during sex
>noted.gif
>night draws to a close looking for someone to bathe the serpent.
>strangle girl from earlier starts hitting on me
>bombs away
>take her out to her car
She was supposed to be designated driver but ended up getting hammered for some reason
>anyway tries to fuck her doggy style in the back of her car
>too fat cant find the pussy hole
>"anon that my asshole"
>"oh sorry" move 2 spaces down
>im in
>proceed to fuck the shit of this land whale for a good 10 minutes
>switch to missionary
>anon strangle me
>why not
>start strangling this behemoth in between fucking her
> strangle me harder anon
>necks too fat cant squeeze windpipe hard enough
>so busy trying to strangle this tub of shit I look down im not even inside her anymore
>mfw im literally just strangling some fat fuck in the back of her car
>she passes out eventually from.being to drunk or from me strangling her no idea which it is
>I cum on her face and tits and walk home

Apparently she got arrested in the morning for being in a car intoxicated or some shit

Dont even care got laid

>>657543219
You went to Catholic school, didn't you?

>>657543606
Whatever. You guys wanted to hear experiences...especially odd ones I assume.
I'm 28. I have a BA in English from UC Berkeley and am currently unemployed and living at home. Believe me or don't I guess.

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>>657543784

>>657542799
just the same way jesus was created

>>657543219
>>657543446
Top kek, troll harder.
>>657543412
>>657543428
>>657543363
Stop being this newfags.

>>657543820
>I'm a self-proclaimed erotic story writer whose stories get rejected from my own website

>>657543662

>Claims others don't know biology
>Doesn't understand how human reproduction works.
>mfw

>>657543784
What solution would you come up with if you had never had sex but wound up pregnant? Would you just assume that you had been sexually assaulted in your sleep by your 13-year-old cousin?
I don't blame her for coming up with some exotic hypotheses.

>>657543820
>Believe me or don't I guess.
>I'm 28.
Possible. Probably still virgin
>I have a BA in English from UC Berkeley
Absolute bullshit. You posts are those of a retarded 12-yo
>and am currently unemployed
guaranteed accurate
> and living at home.
agreed

>be me 12, in middle school
>old cranky gym teacher does nothing but yell at us to exercise
>be athletic
>get called over to come in afterschool
perfectlycalm.jpg
>after school in the locker room, a few other students are with me
>gym teacher shows us porn
>says they make lots of money from it
>he said that we should make a porno and he would pay us all 100$
>suck eachother's dick for 30 minutes because we were all retards
>next day he gives us all 100$
>mom sees it and asks where i got it from
>i tell her that i was in a porn with other students
>she gets extremely concerned and asks me who filmed it
>i tell her it was the gym teacher
>he goes to jail for 40 years

that shit was fucked up

>>657543905
Nah. I don't write erotic stories. I'm currently writing a fantasy novel about an exotic, magical world...from the perspective of a middle-aged town guardsman.

>>657543812
Ha, I'd have done the same, if you're there then might as well finish.

>>657543937
>doesn't post a reaction face
>believes some scrub-tier retarded explanation
>thinks he's more qualified than someone actually in a family of doctors and going to medical school
Fuck off retarded child

>>657543681
3/10 troll go to bed

>>657544121

Sounds gay. Good luck finding some fan fic site to have it ignored on.

>>657544180
No u

>>657543960
That if she actually did get pregnant she's just a lying whore and you believed it. If common sense was free the racks would still stay full.

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>>657541717
>be me

>>657544180

http://www.girlshealth.gov/body/sexuality/pregnant.html

Oh hey! Look what two seconds on Google turned up! Proof that you're a fucking idiot!

>>657544105
hahahahahha top kek

>>657543820
do you have any pics to prove your story?

>>657544262
Exactly. Sperm aren't little rocket ships that can fly all over the body and magically swim like a fucking trout and mysteriously get someone pregnant at the blink of an eye.

>>657541717
In my country it is known police has cameras in almost every chinese massage center. Usually you don't get in trouble, but I don't really want to be caught on tape for this stuff.

>>657544215
It's not a fanfic. I'm building my own world completely from the ground up. I've completely defined the boundaries of the magical arts as well as the celestial spheres of influence. I have an introduction which gives a complete list of items that a standard town guardsman would have on him at any time. It's loosely based upon a DnD character I rolled and never used.

>Nau wahch mi wip
>nau wahch mie naighnaiy

>>657544180
>mfw
>doesn't post reaction face
>doesn't post reaction face
>doesn't post reaction face
>doesn't post reaction face
>doesn't post reaction face
Kek into another fucking dimension kiddo

>>657544364
You're my hero

>>657544421

Again, sounds gay. Good luck finding some fan fic site to have it ignored on.

>>657544269
So...you are betting that she was having regular sex with an intact hymen at the same time I was regularly cumming on her pussy and I'm not the father of her daughter. I would say...think horses, not zebras.

>>657544421
dude that sounds generic as fucking hell. no one wants to read that bullshit

>>657544327
>I google things to try and back up my retarded comments
My sister-in-law is a gyno you fucking keyboard warrior idiot. Show me ONE case where semen on the outside of a vagina got someone pregnant. Oh that's right, you can't. Fucking high school trash. If you're not you're a pathetic illiterate uneducated fucktard that insists on being right regardless of what true medical professionals actually know.

>>657544403
No they don't give a fuck in the UK, the masseuse wouldn't offer if they knew there were cameras. Escorting and stuff is all fine here. I'm in the best part of the country for it. Would be using escorts left right and centre if I didn't have a girlfriend now, saving for a rainy day though.

my gf and I have been having sex nearly every day for the past 8 months. I guess that's interesting.

>>657544421
Just fucking stop for a second and read what you just wrote you gigantic autist

>>657544364
No, but they have been known to survive up to five days. It isn't likely, but it isn't impossible.

>>657544628
U mad bro

>>657544628
>acts like callouts on /b/ actually change the world

>>657544555
>he still believes he saw into her vagina and saw a hymen with her legs spread
Jesus fuck you are an idiot. Please take an anatomy class and see how the human body actually works.

>>657544421>>657544655
Dubs have already spoken

>>657544628
Y u mad tho

>>657544563
I said it was generic. The world isn't the unique part. It's the main character. It's a parody of sorts. Everyone else is going on grand adventures and casting spells, but the story is told from the perspective of a standard town guardsman. It is unexpected and fresh.

>>657544628
Lol u mad

>>657544714
Got you to reply didn't it? What? Couldn't find anything frantically searching google to back up your ludicruous claims?

>>657544628

He mad

stop arguing everyone and post more personal experiences.

>>657543446
>I belief everthing I read on the internet.

but if it's true and I have more then only doubts, would you consider to tell it to your cousin, or daughter.

and yes it's 99.99% fake

>>657544764
I didn't just spread her legs. I spread her pussy too...after I had tested the waters and seen how heavy of a sleeper she was. I was obsessed with defloration porn and pictures of pussies spread with intact hymens at the time.

>>657544699
>>657544795
>>657544830
>I samefag to pretend I told him off
At the end of the day you'll be an employed little shit that thinks girls piss out of the vagina.

>>657544820

It's dumb as shit. No one wants to read that.

>>657544645
Cool. Now I want to visit the UK.

>>657544880
Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?

>>657544820
>unexpected and fresh
>dull as fuck

>>657544877
>he's too slow to post after the post timer counts down

>>657544820
>unexpected
No its just some unemployed weeaboos wet dream that nobody will care about.

>>657544555
There was a horse?

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>>657544953
"SAMEFAG"

>mfw you're still giving me attention

>>657544994
someone that cares about this thread, now shut the fuck up

>>657543034
For you

>>657545027
>Thinks everyone laughing at his poor grasp of human reproduction is a samefag
>mfw

>be me
>be 5
>get molested by step dad

>>657544121
Middle aged+ middle ages= 28yrs old
>jezus confirmed

>>657544904
No way would I ever tell her...
I have never been a part of my daughter's life beyond standard family get-togethers. My cousin is fine assuming that it was some random semen that somehow got there from some public place. She loves her daughter and has a good life. She is much better off not knowing.

>>657545108
Yeah she fucked a horse and had a centaur

>>657544953
I know they don't piss out the vagina. They piss out of the ass like pidgeons.

>>657544628
from the link provided by that anon:
>Sperm can get into your vagina even if you’re not having sexual intercourse. This can happen if sperm get on the outside of your vagina and swim inside.

all you've got is "my sister in-law is a doctor so I know everything there is to know without looking it up"

he wins

>>657545112
>2/3 of every retarded post is you
>he posts from his junk ass phone
Kek. Unemployed retard.

>>657544953
Yeah, like pidgeons.

>>657545168
More details

>>657545108
No...it's another way of referring to Occam's Razor.
"When you hear thundering hooves outside of Africa, it's better to assume horses rather than zebras."

>>657545271
The goyim know

>>657545247

I bet his uncle works at Nintendo, too.

>>657545247
I'm in med school you fuckwit. There has never been a case where some bitch got cummed on and then got pregnant. Like I said, show me proof rather than some fruity site that types like Yahoo answers.

>>657545181
It's a magical world. There are healers and potions. Middle age is ~40.

>>657545271
Unemployed?

>implying im old enough to work

>>657541717

>i existed

>>657545368
>unemployed shit for genes poorfag detected
Just because you're a worthless failure doesn't mean everyone on the internet is. I bet you're one of those retards that thinks you're going to program the next biggest video game when you can only make a few lines cross in java huh?

>>657545449
>doesn't have a job
>not unemployed

>>657545397
Two things:
1. Even if the semen was initially external, shifting or itching in one's sleep could put the semen inside.
2. Rubbing the cock directly between the pussy lips could easily result in a partial or complete internal ejaculation.

>>657544873
sorry bub, i was just a passerby. not your target. but gj

>>657544105
Got the news item?

>>657545550
Listen here big boi

Keep it up and I'm going to have to

>suck your dick

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>>657545423

>>657545456
give this man a medal

>>657545397
wow you're in med school and you got blown the fuck out on 4chan

how embarrassing

>>657545397

Sorry, did the link not work the first time? My bad, here it is again:

http://www.girlshealth.gov/body/sexuality/pregnant.html

My proof, the link above, is a website created by and run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources. Your proof is... well, nonexistent.

Me: 1
You: 0

>>657545578
>talking out of your ass and has zero proof

>>657545742
>possible is proof
You must seriously win all the debates huh? Fucking moron.
>thinks a website directed towards teens isn't going to tell them the slightest thing will get them pregnant
Maybe if you pick up a book rather than mending with your chair you fatass retard you might actually learn something.

>>657545184
thank you for answering my question

I have stil doubts, but if it's true and you told her the next family reunions will be akward, I guarantee it.

>and they will call it rape and you will never have a "real" family because nobody wants to marry a rapist

so good choise afterall

>>657545397
>I'm in my first semester of med school and know i am an expert on cum and jizz, though all i did so far was learning latin names for bones and blood vessels

>>657545729
The difference between be and you is I'll actually be helping people while making a shitload of money while you'll still be stuck here wishing you were someone else.

>>657543325
Underageb&

MODS

>>657545112
>>657545138
>mfw
>DOESNT POST REACTION PIC R U SRS
1 LINE OF REGULAR TEXT
>LMAO

>>657545909

I'm sorry, did I make you mad? I'm still waiting on your proof. First and foremost, let's see with your proof that you're in medical school, because your staggering ignorance of medical knowledge most people learn in middle school gives you away pretty badly.

>>657545922
>tries making fun of someone in med school while you're an armchair philosopher with no education and no job
Kek.
>he googled his insult
That's 3rd year scrub.

>>657545397
[...]Sperm can get into your vagina even if you’re not having sexual intercourse. This can happen if sperm get on the outside of your vagina and swim inside.[...]

>>657545775
What do you expect, a paternity test result form? It only takes a single healthy sperm to reach the ovum. A partially-internal ejaculation is absolutely capable of impregnation...However:
I love how easy it was to hijack this fucking thread. The story was completely false. I made it to see if I could get you morons to argue over biology instead of sharing your fake stories. If you feel duped...at least admit it was more entertaining than a fucking banana!

>>657545397

OP is proof.

>>657546205
So basic physics. cool. sperm follows the laws of physics

>>657546093
Kek.
>he says I'm mad while he continues to post retarded drivel with no case studies whatsoever on the matter and claims I'm the uneducated one
>b-but i read it on the internet so it must be true!

>>657541717
another side's story
>my gf is thai, she once worked iin a 5 star hotel in St Tropez, France as a masseuse.
>clients were rich dudes, she gave a massage to some celebrities, too. (footballers, singers, even Shaggy)
>she was asked to suck or jerk their dicks quite often, which she declined, it's an out door massage next to the pool, ffs.
>about 2 out of 10 had pre ejacuations.
>she got heavy tips, 500€ a single tip once from a prince of some arab country.
>I worked as man-maid in this hotel so every thing was insight.

Remember guys, arguing over the internet is like racing in the special olympics
Even if you win, you're still a retard

>>657546217
>>657546217
>>657546217
>>657546217
>>657546217
ded

>>657546166
>I'm in med school
>I'm in med school
>DID I TELL YOU I'M IN MED SCHOOL?
>I'm in med school
>I'm in med school
>I'm in med school
>I'm in med school
>I'm in med school
>OH BY THE WAY I'M IN MED SCHOOL
>U have to believe everything i write!!!!

Got anything else to say?

>>657546205
>yet again copies and pastes retarded shit and posts no cases of it actually happening

>>657545318
ok.
>be me
>be 5
>step dad walks in room
>touches my dick
>makes me jack him off
>dont really remember much else coz 5 years old+repressing it
>be me 14 years later
>come across this thread

>>657546395
unemployed neet is mad. I love it. Stay poor fatass.

>>657546293

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moving_the_goalposts#Logical_fallacy

Good luck in "medical school". Funny all the nicknames people give their parent's basement nowadays...

>>657544820
The Holocaust was,unexpected and fresh. This is someone taking Skyrim and saying "this isn't boring enough".

>>657543812
>Dont even care got laid
oh the kek

>>657544121
God, you sound so proud of it too.

>>657546395

Of course he doesn't. I already soundly destroyed him with facts, so now all he can do is repeat the same thing with one hand and wipe away snotty tears with the other.

>>657546472
>projecting this hard
Sorry you're a failure kid. You couldn't even stay awake on a 16 hour rotation unless you had a computer screen in front of your fat greasy face and a sack of snacks to chow down on.

>be me
>go on /b/

r8 mi storey plz

>>657546302
Shaggy fucked your gf

>be me
>dec 15, 2015
>stumble across stories and exp thread
>started off good
>retards shitting on each other
>ill take that extra chromosome off your hands bub

>>657546637

Still waiting on proof that you're actually in medical school. I know we won't see it, since you're not actually in medical school.

>>657545999
Don't break your arm jerking yourself off.

>>657546290
lol
never gets out

>>657543044
ahhh I see that path in my future :(

>>657546724
ok im not really in medical school. anything you have to get off your chest? like the fact you snipped your cock off as a child

>>657545999
Not if you never learn how basic human reproduction works.

>>657544121
>be me
>be generic guardsman no.243
>max level playable character comes along
>I get 1 hit

>>657546598
>facts
>copies and pastes a sentence from a website and provides no real life evidence
>destroyed with facts
The only thing you destroy is your toilet from all the disgusting dollar store food you shovel down as you lean back in your shitstained chair thinking you've won an argument online. Funny thing is when this thread 404s you will still be a poor piece of shit and I will still be in med school well on my way to a fulfilling life while you cry that Facebook stole your pepe.

>>657546579
I made it up. The only true things I typed in this entire thread were that I am 28 and have a BA in English from UC Berkeley.
I am actually writing something very important right now...a presentation to be read by my boss to some executives about the direction my company's advertising strategy should take.

>>657546834

Me: 2
You: 0

>>657546724
Do you think you magically get a tattoo that sags HEY IM IN MED SCHOOL? Fucking idiot. There is zero chance I'm showing a screenshot of my portal. Not like it would matter anyway you fatasses would just say nice shoop hurrrr I win again.

>>657544364
what if she schlicked afterwards?

stories and experiences thread

people asking for proof

"The stories and information posted here are autistic works of fiction and falsehood"

>be me
>had gay experience when I was younger
>never talk about it
>years later
>mfw I'm gay
>mfw I'm typing this on 4chan

>>657546871
>"I'm in med-school!"
>Not actually in med school.
>Lives in parents basement.

>>657546929
Me:10
You:2
Guy you were actually arguing with:0
>r8 my troll
Welcome to /b/ child

>>657546929
>thinking that was me
>being this much of an autistic retard thinking some online argument matters
Print it out and put it on your wall because it'll be your only accomplishment unless you count your "bulking"

>>657546854
FUCKING DYING

>>657547043

So then you lose by default. That's the shitty thing about proof: your word can't beat it.

>>657546929
"MUM I WON AN ARGUMENT ON THE INTERNET!!!111!1!! GET IN HERE AND BRING THE CAMERA"

>>657547062
did you die?

I love this. I post a confession to making up the bullshit that sparked all of the bio-nonsense, but people are still "debating".
My hijack was hijacked. I don't know what to say...this is some Inception-level troll shit.

>>657547077
>says the same thing every other jealous neet says while projecting your own insecurities on someone that's more successful than you
Cry more shut in.

>>657541717

>be 30
>write horror novel
>gross over $600,000 in a single year
>use it to buy auctioned properties
>now a wealthy landlord with 40 tenants and under the table employees
>working on my second book to pay for a yacht

life is good

>>657546881
Jesus Christ, who cares? First off, unless your company involves shitposts and Skyrim fanfics you aren't doing anything right now for work. Second off, I can tell that idea was your best foot forward and you relented at the slightest criticism. Every artist has criticism. Your book could be autism or the next Shakespeare, but you won't know if you listen to us judgemental fucks. You think I could write a better book? I shitpost bananas all fucking day.

>>657547195
Whatever helps you sleep at night kid. Good luck with your Christmas letter to santa.

>>657547159
at least you have a chance to experience it, I was just minding my own business then it was over in an instant

>>657547114
>>657547152
>>657547206
>>657546854
sometimes i fucking love you guys
......
>>657547344
>>657547293
kill your shelves

>>657547274
>$15k properties
Yeah okay buddy.
>yacht
Yeah I'm waiting for the GTA update too.

>>657544105
Top fucking kek

>>657547274
bullshit.

everyone on here is an autistic NEET virgin who still lives with there parents, if someone claims otherwise then they must provide proof

>>657547457
But where the fuck would I put my books in my garage?

>>657547562
That's your problem now, degenerate.

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>>657547457
>50% of your love is for me
>this is the most love I've ever felt in my life

>>657547274
>be me.
>be now.
>believe this.

Because I'm stupid.

>>657547293
I made it up, on the spot, for this thread. Seriously. I made up the shit about impregnating my cousin too. It's all bullshit. Seriously...how the fuck does this happen? I'm lower-middle management in the advertising department of a medium-sized company. That part is true...everything else is fake. No one would ever read a book from the perspective of a town guard...It might work as a comic if it were written by the funniest fuck in the world, but even then, it's stretching it.

>>657547274
>gross 600k
>taxes aren't a thing at all
>claims to have purchased 40 properties
>not knowing how foreclosures and auctions actually work
>magically has all these livable properties and employees on 350-400k

>>657541717
>be kid, inb4 underage b&
>find /b/ one day
>become increasingly corrupted sexually and mentally
>???
>profit
>fast forward to OP's mom's place
>she tells me about OP's dragon dildo collection and chronic relentless faggotry
cont?

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>>657547659
when 25% of my love goes to myself.
> :)

>>657547740
you don't have to own 40 properties to have 40 tenants

I'm not saying I believe him, but it's not that unbelievable either

>>657542799
Bullshit, not possible...

>>657546523
And instead of installing rape mods he plays as a fucking city guard

>>657547466

auctioned properties kiddo. I've picked up foreclosures for as low as 3k. most I've ever paid was 20k on a home that is now valued at 75k

>pay attention to local housing market
>target areas of low income, decent crime rate
>pick up foreclosures for crazy low prices at auctions
>spend less than $1,000 getting them in shape
>don't try and flip, the low cost is because they've been sitting on market for YEARS
>make them into government assisted, low income housing
>Tyrone gets Uncle Sam to pay his rent
>I get checks in the male from the government
>never have to worry about Tyrone not paying up, because it's federal money
>own 33 properties, a few of which are bi-levels
>receive $600 - $850 per month for EACH of 40 separate rental spaces
>have a guy that takes 10% to handle all the financing, hiring on mexicans to fix things that break, etc. etc.
>sit back and collect cash

livin the dream /b/ro. if you want i can give yo some tips to get started yourself.

somewht related:
For 4 years I was a masseuse at a ritzy resort in the virgin islands. Regularly got to due children, generally at least 9yo+. lots of legal/policy mumbojumbo such as getting parental consent, making sure someone else was watching there as well, if they prefer a M of F, type of massage, boundaries, etc. quite a few got the full body. thats my cool story hope u liek

>>657542799
Fast forward 2000 years and people are singing your kids name in churches like wololo n shit

>>>657547062
You're a brave soul.

>>657548051
In was keeping it simple. Even if there are just a few people per property, its not possible to have that many livable dwellings after paying all the back taxes and shit from an auction. There's a reason why a house in Detroit is on the market for $1000. It has 75k in back taxes.

>>657548226
Yeah sure I totally believe you.

>>657547768
top kek

>>657542799
>Iwanttobelieve

>>657548226
>do you want to make money in the housing market with no upfront money?
>just come to my seminar where I share trade secrets for the low cost of $499 per person
>you too can make money from nothing
>coming to your city soon

>writer
>gets checks in MALE
KEK

>>657544327
>http://www.girlshealth.gov/body/sexuality/pregnant.html
>from that link:
>Sperm can get into your vagina even if you’re not having sexual intercourse. This can happen if sperm get on the outside of your vagina and swim inside.

>>657547740
>>657548226

yep. the first property I purchased was around $6,500, another $2,000 to get it market ready. Did smart stuff like add a shed, crazy how much value will increase with the little things.

End up getting a loan on the house for 35k, used that money to fix up other properties.

started with a total of 8 properties, had government checks rolling in for 6 of them withing a few months.

etc. etc. yes it can be done, most certainly. you just need to be careful where you buy in, how you pick your tenants, and many, many other factors. also having a few hundred grand in your bank account helps.... a lot. kinda required actually.

>be me
>be jewish
>be gay
>be nigger
>be cuck
>be autist
>be white knight beta
>be weaboo
>be aids patient
>go on /b/
>"holy fuck these guys are pathetic"

>Sperm can get into your vagina even if you’re not having sexual intercourse. This can happen if sperm get on the outside of your vagina and swim inside.

1

>>657549050
2

>>657549079
3

>>657549079
3

>>657549099
4

>>657548941
I just cummed in the toilet. Can't wait until my neighbor sits down and flushes and I get her pregnant.

>>657549110
i fucking hate you so much.
I was almost fucking there

>>657548644

>no upfront money

actually it cost a total of 125k out of pocket, plus loans against 2 of the properties to get started. it also helped that I'm in Ky, so there is a ton of free money for starting up your own business, and it costs literally nothing for a sole proprietorship.

>MALE

Publishing company proof reads for me. The book I wrote is far from a work of art, but in case you haven't noticed, you don't need to be a master of the english language and write best sellers to make a decent living.

600k was damn good for a first time attempt, and I'm certain my next book will do just as well. I will never be famous, or hit a best seller list, or have fan clubs, but I make a good bit of money off of writing gore stories.

>>657548853
lold

>>657548692
it can even happen when you sleep by yourself. your neighbor jacks off and the sperm crawl into your house and then swim into your vagina

>>657549167
>>657549283
lol the student is still mad that he's wrong

>>657549192
Can you at least say who your agent is?
I can't believe I haven't heard of the debut horror novel that made $8 million.

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>>657549283
lol

>>657549687

>8 mil

you got something wrong.

>say who your agent is

no. even though I'm not anywhere near writing best sellers, I would never risk it getting out that I hang out here.

I came close to doing an AMA a few months back, but I was talked out of it and shown just how dumb of an idea it would be. I would never be taken seriously again if it got out that I'm here nearly 7 days a week.

>>657550468
Fine. Then what was your advance, and what was your royalty percentage? Because standard is 7.5%, which makes me wonder what agent decided to give you vastly more than that.

TL;DR: Authors don't make 600k without making the best-sellers list.

>>657550791

Yes, that is a standard rate, but with small time, in-house publishing things are done different.

Also, keep in mind that reading comprehension is important. I said GROSSED 600k in sales in the first year.

I didn't say I made 600k in a year, or that my book is new.

It's been out for 3 years, and I've made a total of 225k from it. That's also at pulling roughly 26% because small time, in-house publishing works differently than whatever wiki explanation you've found.

I used the money to jump start my own business, and another book will help me buy my yacht. Not looking to get one of those Trump style mega boats, I just want to spend a summer going down the Ohio, into the Mississippi, and then out to the ocean, swinging around to southern Florida.

then sell the boat and fly back home.

>>657546413
In much the same way as your dad came across you

>>657551566
different guy here

you, at the very least, heavily implied that $600k was your before-tax take in one year. it's not really fair to insult someone else's reading comprehension considering the way you wrote your post

also, the more you write the less credible your story seems

>>657547062
didn't post reaction face. now you're gay and a faggot.

>>657543812
Sounds like a good lay. It might have been more considerate if you'd given her a place to sleep, though. Lol

>>657551566

you didn't say sales. you said you grossed 600k. reading comprehension is important, but clear writing is essential.

also i'm not getting my info from a wiki. I work for Crown. you were throwing out massive numbers and vast claims about properties and staff, and i found them suspicious, given what I know. whether you patched up the holes in your story successfully, or whether it was true all along, i have no clue. and i've stopped caring. but in whatever you do (writing or otherwise), good luck.

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The niggest thing

>Be me.
>Wake up early morning.
>Going to buy breakfast.
>My sandals and bike is nowhere to be found.
>It was stolen.
>Call cops.
>Investigation happens.
>Cops points out there is a human shit on front garden table.
>Began to explain the crime is connected to a local gang they called them Drop and Run.
>Shit is big and smelly as fuck.
>They will defecate on places were they will be visible(Tables/Gate/etc) to mark their crime.
>tfw.

>>657542799
You story could have been believable, but I agree with >>657543089 and I already read something similar on /b/

>>657553009
You got dun goofed.

Ever solved?

>>657543044
> intellectually successful