>>612339471
>>Alright, now that that's overwith, i got homework

Kek

>It'll be better next time

>>612339471
per aspera ad astra

>T-Thanks mom

>she consented, officer

>>612339889
kek

Also 9999 get

First time having sex with new girlfriend
>what do you want to name our kids?

>>612339471
mind if I finish myself off?

you seem to have a odor issue

Sorry for fucking you so hard isn't bad..

>oops

Why are you still here?

Sorry bout the aids, but to be fair your vag smelled like death anyway

>>612339471
Well, not after sex, but during - I was suddenly reminded of a joke I'd heard earlier in the day related to a sex act with a marine mammal, so I paused and told her the joke. That did not go over well.

>>612339471
"anon what were you thinking about?"
>your sister
I have never known such fury

>Don't tell mommy

>>612339471
>Did you have an orgasm?

>as much as ok it was, I'm going back to cock and balls

What's your name again?

Well at least you're better than my sister.

>we can do this again for your 3rd birthday

>>612339471
>thanks

actually did this. came in about 20 minutes, blew my load on her stomach, laid down for a minute, and then started getting dressed. she followed me to the door, I said thanks, and left.

> meh

I have aids.

>>612339471

>Your money's on the table by the door.

>3/10

You may want to get yourself tested.

>>612339471
>>sorry
this would probably happen if I ever did..

no I wasn't a virgin.

Do you mind if my dad watches next time?

>>612339471
>this will be our secret, ok? You can't tell anyone.

File: bread.jpg (60 KB, 750x545) Image search: [Google]

60 KB, 750x545

>If you tell your parents I will kill you

>>612339471
Singing "put it in the hole".

>>612340780
Simple yet effective

File: 1418443170079.jpg (54 KB, 900x900) Image search: [Google]

54 KB, 900x900

>>612339471
I have aids.

At least we both faked it

>I haven't been fucked like that since grade school

You're gonna want to get checked, by the way.

When does your wife get home?

>bazingo

Wow, that was so much better than my cat!!

>How was it?

Sucked off random btard I met at local bar.
>Came in my mouth
>I spit
>Said "no offense"

Very awkward

>>612339471
>while cumming
allah u akbar

>after cumming
you know, bush did 9/11, right?

Your blowjobs are so much better than my girlfriends.

>>612339471
i should have pulled out earlier

>>612341134
kek
>>612341475
homo or no homo?

>>612339744
underrated post

>>612340423
Liar

>>612339471
>You said you had herpes right?

You can take the bag off now I'm done

>>612339471
>I didn't pull out fast enough

>>612341634
this
Its why I came into this thread to find out answer

>>612339744
Made me cringe.
10/10

Here take two of these and call me in the morning

>oh there's the condom

File: image.jpg (3 KB, 64x85) Image search: [Google]

3 KB, 64x85

>>612339644
>implying you lost your virginity after high school
>implying you wouldn't finish your homework before sex
Top kek m8

>>612341634
Homo bro, lel you thought a guy from here could get a chick to go down on him? HahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!!ha

Sex was better when i was a guy

"Have you ever had to fight for a girl anon?"
>I always get what i want darling
>I wanted you and look where you are now?

>>612339471
I lied about being on the pill.

>>612339471
Ur almost as good as my daughter

>>612342627
Tits or gtfo

File: 1429329185982.png (106 KB, 315x234) Image search: [Google]

106 KB, 315x234

>be watching Home Alone with gf
>start feeling frisky so start making out
>eventually start fucking
>afterwards we were cuddling and I said
>was it bad I was watching Home Alone the entire time?
>ggf starts crying because she feels like she can't satisfy me
>mfw

>>612340535
lol ive actually said that

>>612339471
Literally just pulled this crap. Fucking in the shower and it just came out like nothing.

>sorry
>what the fuck are you sorry for
>oh.... Sorry

Fuck.

>>612339471
I am beowolf

>>612342775
Tumblr misses you, go back to it. Fag

Quoting the hollywood classic "babe": "that'll do pig, that'll do."

that was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway

>>612342775
I had to turn the Boondocks off yesterday during sex because I hadn't seen the episode that was on and every time Riley opened his mouth it was fucking hilarious and I kept giggling.

Damn, you're almost as good as your little sister.

In my defense...I was really drunk

>>612339999

File: bb1e65b9457cf321090358c632b71213.jpg (53 KB, 379x300) Image search: [Google]

53 KB, 379x300

>>612342766

"so...what are we?"

File: i likey.jpg (19 KB, 266x267) Image search: [Google]

19 KB, 266x267

>>612340496

File: vegetayell.jpg (33 KB, 384x288) Image search: [Google]

33 KB, 384x288

>STOP LAUGHING!!!

Your tween daughter is way more kinky

After I lost my v-card I apologized for only lasting like 5-seconds, but she kept coming back to me anyways for some reason

>>612342775
Ha did the same thing but was watching turbo

Sorry I couldn't satisfy you
(Self stated)

cant wait for next time

>Huh... well that was interesting.

I guess I won the race haha

File: image.jpg (256 KB, 1000x801) Image search: [Google]

256 KB, 1000x801

you like getting impaled on your big brother's cock?

are you ready to leave yet?

>>612341475
sup ;)

>>612343383
Timestamp?

>>612344590
Kik is Thrownawaybaby

>That was better than I expected

>BTW, how old are you?

File: mfw-derp.jpg (26 KB, 293x391) Image search: [Google]

26 KB, 293x391

>jet fuel can't melt steel beams