kill yourself

>>611855087
That's hilarious

You've made a potentially edgy joke autistic

>>611854978
More, OP.

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>last week, one of my ex gf's called me
>she said she had to tell me some bad news
>anon, I don't know how to tell you this, but.... I have aids
>I really didn't know how to reply to that so I said the only thing I could say
>yeah, I know

>>611854978
>a man and a 6 year old boy are walking along a path through the woods on a moonless night
>"Gee mister, I'm scared!" says the boy
>"You're scared?" says the man, "I have to walk back alone!"

>>611855402
Jeselnik wants his joke back

>>611855087
heh, best joke so far

>>611855528
Right. Because you're a professional joke writer and you have tons of origional jokes no one has ever heard before.

>>611854978
how can you get an titt fuck from an 11 Year old Girl?
Kick the Chest in.

>>611855716
kek

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A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see an orphanage on fire.
>oh my god! Says the rabbi. We have to save the children!
>screw the children! Says the priest.
>out of what? Replies the rabbi.

>>611855716
an other one what is small blue and makes every woman scream?
sudden infant death syndrome.

>>611855700
When you use material from a god-tier comedian like Jeselnik, you give him the credit and your anus faggot

>>611855489
he was accompanying the boy to his house

>>611856246
> god-tier
> jeselnik

what

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>two nuns live in the same building and work in the same place, at the same times. But they never see each other on the way to work
>hey, says one nun to the other, how come I never see you on the way?
>oh, I've found the best way to get there
>I don't think so, replies the first nun, I've checked Google maps, my way is the fastest.
>nope, my way is better. Why don't you follow me tomorrow and I'll show you.
>so the next day the two nuns take of biking to work.
>they make a corner down a way the first nun has never gone before.
>after a few minutes, she turns and says
>oh my god this is the best! I've never cum this way before!
>I know. It's the cobblestones

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>>611856246
Maybe. Maybe not.
>maybe go fuck yourself

your mother's a whore. there's no joke about it.

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>I went on a date last night with a nice girl but there was something wierd about her
>she swore it was a birthmark
>but I'm pretty sure it was a penis

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>>611855351
Well put sir, top kek

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Why did Suzy drop her ice cream?
>she was hit by a bus

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>>611858278
Why did Suzy fall off the swing?
>she lost her arms in the bus accident.

>A little girl is being interviewed by the police
>she was sexually assaulted by her dad
>the policeman asks her to describe what he did to her
>she goes through graphic details of what he did to her
>and what he made her do
>the little girl stops and starts crying
>she says she can't remember anymore, and doesn't want to
>the policeman replies
>WHO CARES JUST MAKE IT UP IM ALMOST THERE
>as she looks up to see the policeman fapping away like a dirt fish

>>611858350

Why did Suzy moan?
>A nigga tongued her anus when she fell off the swing

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What did one orphan say to the other?


Get in the Batmobile Robin.

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Raising children isn't hard. I'm tired of hearing people complain about that. It's not hard at all
>convincing your gf to have her 3rd consecutive abortion, now that's hard.

>>611858761
Nice

How many babies does it take to paint a fence red?

Depends on how hard you thrown them

>>611856196
I thought it was 'What's eighteen inches long and makes women scream all night?'

>>611858730
le ebig Rickety Gervesis xD

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1#
>Whats the difference between a dead dog on the street and a dead nigger?
>Answare: there are brakemarks infront of the dog

2#
>Nigger Recipe Book
>Page 1:
>First Step: Steal a cooking pan..

3#
>How can you save a jew from drowning?
>By removing your foot from his head..

4#
>Why are there no arabs on StarTrek?
>Because the actions take place in the future..

5#
>Whats the connection between the nigger and the tree?
>The roap.

More?

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>>611858938
How do you get 100 babies into a bathtub?
>blender

>>611858350
Knock, knock...

>>611856670
This

>girl is riding old fart
>she fucks him like a pro
>"nice skills you have little bitch"
>"dad but I'm only six years old"

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>>611859166
Best way to get them out again?
>nachoes

What's the difference between my car and the child I just killed?
>I didn't lose my virginity in the back of my car

>>611859182
Who's there?

Whars the difference between a dead baby and a wall?
You cant fuck a wall.

>>611859276
not Suzy

>>611859276
Your

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>>611859324
Awesome.

>>611859350
?
Lay off the crack some friend. That didn't make any sense.

I went out for a nice evening with my wife last week, and we kept getting dirty looks because I'm 42 and she's 19. I get that people are a little weird about that for whatever stupid reason, but it totally fucking ruined our tenth anniversary

Whats the hardest part about being a pedophile?
>Fitting in

>>611858938
What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne?

Acne wait's until the boys hit puberty before coming on their face

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>laying in bed next to gf
>just finished fucking
>make comment about how I love her hairless twat
>gee anon, that really makes you sound like a pedophile.
>wow, that's some might big words coming from a 9 year old

>>611859778
In have quite a few black people in my family tree,

if I remember correctly they're still hanging there

>>611856670
X2

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>>611859545
All my feels bro

>>611854978
Delivery needs to be oral, its better when have the double meaning not spelled out for you.

>>611854978
jokes are supposed to be funny

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>>611858795
laughed because i hadn't heard that one.

>>611856670
literally who?

Bo Burnham god tier.

>>611854978

Only one I got

>A family of niggers getting ready to make dinner. The son tries to help momma make the cornbread. He's too short to reach the counter and ends up spilling the cornmeal all over his head. The kid turns around and says "LOOM MAMMA I'S A WHITE BOY!" The momma slaps the nigglet and yells "GO TELL YOUR FATHER WHAT YOU JUST SAID." Nigglet goes to his father in the living room. "LOOK DADDY I'S A WHITE BOY!" The father puts down his newspaper and backhands the nigglet across the face. "Whatchu got ta say bout yo self boi!" The dad yells. The nigglet gets mad and yells "I"VE BEEN WHITE FOR 2 MINUTES AND I ALREADY HATE YOU NIGGERS!"

>>611859979
True. But this medium doesn't allow for that.

>>611859070
Moar

>How do you make a child cry twice?

>Wipe your bloody dick on it's teddy bear.

>>611858824
I've crushed up plan b into eggs more Times than I'm comfortable admitting. I'm sorry but the raw puss was worth the 80n dollars every time.

>knock, knock
>whos there?
>john
>john who?

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>>611860124
kek'd

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Why are black ppl scared of chainsaws?
>because of the sound they make
>run! Nigga-nigga-nigga

I was eating out my grandmother the other day and tasted horse semen. Then it occurred to me that must have been what killed her.

>>611860189
better response would have been

>i've got an oral delivery for your mom

>>611860496
Kek
Oral

>who do pills work?
>because they're white

>we should provide more insect screens to poor african countries
>every year millions of mosquitoes contract HIV

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>>611859292

>Family goes on a hike up in the forest
>Mom, dad and a their son
>Reach the end of the woods and reach a steeping cliff
>Oh, shit how deep does this go?
>Whilst leaning over the edge, both parents fall down to their death
>Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
>baaww.gif
>Kid is devestated and runs back into the forest
>After a while a sudden ranger appears
>Mom and dad is kill
>No
>Ranger looks the boy in the eyes
>Takes his pants off and says
>"This is not your lucky day kid"

>>611860705
top row 5th from left is best.

>>611859675
That's actually a 10/10 joke.

>>611860189
>vocaroo

..fucking new friends

What do Michael Jackson and K-Mart have in commong?

Little kids pants half off.

>>611860445
lol'd

>>611860705
disgusting, see and then they wonder why men prefer fresh pussy?

>>611860705
3rd row six from the left

Tasty

What should you do after you've had a baby?

Put its diaper back on.

>>611860890
A) I'm on my phone
B) I'm not nearly that motivated.
C) go fuck yourself

>>611861130
justin bieber told that joke,

and you just laughed at it.

thats probably the biggest joke of all

>>611861273
Justin beiber stole that joke. He didn't create it.
He also fucked a hot girl, gonna give up doing that?

>>611861260
K

>>611861273
That joke was around before that little cunt took his first breath

>>611859675
kek

>>611861468
>>611861490
all this butthurt

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>>611861468
>He also fucked a hot girl

>>611861568
Two different people.
And the guy that kek' was a third.
Is it butthurt?
>or maybe you're just a retard

>>611861568
Nah

Just don't care for the bieberfag. .. And I doubt you like him either.

>>611861769
Dude you are fucked up

>>611861769
On an iPhone can't watch that.
And besides, doesn't matter what that is, are you seriously saying that he's never fucked a hottie?
Guy might be a complete fucktard but he got tons of teenie fan girls.

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>>611861816
>>611861830
yet still taking the time to respond

>>611861769
Actually know what? I concede this argument. I don't like being put in a spot where I'm defending beiber in any way

What do you call a bunch of white guys on a bench?
>the NBA

>>611862419
Too twisted

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>>611862057
nice meme!

>>611861993
That's not what he was saying you complete retard

>>611862057
Yes because arguing meaninglessly here is such an oversight..
Get some sun Charlie

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

>I don't cum in a sandwich before I eat it

What's black, grows fast and eats pussy?

>Cervical cancer

How did the dead baby cross the road

>It's entrails were still stuck to my dick

>>611859070
>More?
Only if you can figure out how to use an dictionary

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his gf?
>wiped

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Whats the difference between a baby and an orange?

I don't fuck an orange after I peel its skin off..

>>611858730
>dirt fish
Max kek

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>ghbsbbnbcdfghv

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What has more brains than a Sandy Hook school child?

The wall behind them.

>>611862812
>use an dictionary

Please be intended

>>611862932
No such thing as s dirt fish

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A Mexican, a Jew and a black guy walk into a bar, the bartender looks up and says

"Get the fuck out."

>>611855087
ayyy lmao

What did the necrophiliac do after his gf dumped him.
>nothing, the rotten bitch split on him

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What do you call a woman who doesn't have dinner ready on time?

An ambulance.

>>611861993
>Guy might be a complete fucktard but he got tons of teenie fan girls.
webm is the evidence of that

>>611854978
wew lad

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Whats 6 inches long, pink, slimey, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

>>611863291
Real jokes are the best

>>611856246
>god-tier
ha

>>611863573
He prolly likes him because he is a rapist.

>>611863076
lol best one so far

>>611863291
Afterwards, the Jew sues him, the black guy beats the shit out of him and the Mexican takes his job.

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

>>611856246
>Wikipedia mod detected
>citation needed

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>knock knock
Who's there?
>The Pilot

A Jewman is a walking down street when old Slavhag shout:

"Halt Jewman, no shekels for you"

The Jewman is sad and tear runs down eye. Jewman really likes the shekels.

The end.

>>611854978
My daughter is getting to that age where she asks embarrassing/awkward sexual questions. Just the other day she asked, "Is that the best you can do?".

>>611863940
How retarded do you have to be to think this is even remotely humorous?

>>611863940
Copper wire was invented when two Jews got ahold of the same penny.

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Why are there no black characters in the game "Clue"?

If there were then it would be called "Solved"

>>611860322
how does that not taste terrible?

>>611863410
underrated joke

>>611864044

Severely.

=(

>>611864182
Idk never ate it. They never complained. Could taste bad idk.

>>611863912
What do you call a female officer that shaves her pubes?

>Cuntstubble

>>611864054

That was pretty good, I haven't heard that one b4

Who are the fastest readers in the world?
>world trade center employees
>110 stories in a few seconds

>>611863433
Like I said, on an iPhone, can't watch a webm.
I made an assumption. Sue me.
I also said this
>>611862145

>>611864624
Nice. Never heard

A termite walks into a bar and says, "excuse me, where is the bartender."

The Holocaust happened.

(stolen) What can you find in a cannibal's shower? Head and Shoulders.

>>611854978
Women's rights
/thread

The cannibal came home late, so he got a cold shoulder.

>>611855716
I don't get it.

>>611865088
But the shoulder is a good cut of meat

>>611859324
Alright I chuckled

What do you say to a jew getting on a train?
It doesn't matter, he's not coming back.

>>611865421

Make a groove.

What do you call a dead baby in stinky Mexico?
An air fresher.

No punchline really, but I'm laughing at imagining a school being named after a child molester.

The teacher and young student are lost in the wilderness on a field trip. Both of them cold, the teacher suggests they rub their sticks together to create warmth. He did create warmth - he was *fired*.

I work at a convenience store and gave a guy lottery numbers that corresponded to the day his son was found dead. I chuckled hard.

Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!

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>>611865472
Surprisingly dark and sobering..

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>>611859675
Top fucking kek

Q: What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A: A watch dog.

What do you call an Arab convenience store?
9/11

>>611860727
That's a personal story isn't it?

April 20th, 1999 remains the day of the largest televised audience to watch a comedy

>my life

What's the worst thing about eating a bald pussy?

Putting the diaper back on

>>611866803
Refresh my memory. I'm not good with dates. Both kinds.

>>611858761
Knock knock
Whos there?
Not Suzy

>>611868417
Columbine :3

I love telling my mom racist jokes

>>611856246
now that's funny

What's the worst part about brutally beating, raping and killing a 4 year old girl?

Trying to scrub the bloodstains out of your clown suit.

>>611869547
Wow.

I got my first boner when I saw 9/11 on TV

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Do you know?!
>9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

What's the best part about fucking 25 year olds?
>there are 20 of them.

What's the best part about raping a 6 year old girl?

Flip her over and she's a 6 year old boy

Two muslims in Rochdale decide to start molesting girls under the age of 16
One says "Abdul are we doing the right thing. Is this what allah wants"
Abdul laughs and says "Theyre white - who gives a fucking shit"

>>611869438
Finally somebody got it. Jesus, bunch of easy baiters in here.

>>611869886
>underrated statistic

>>611870258

>mfw white people are the cause of that kind of thinking in shitskins here
>mfw when shitskins in other countries respect whites
>mfw we caused the rape of those children through these actions
>mfw I'm a pedophile

>>611870555
Generally speaking, when posting
>mfw
You usually have a pic to show
>mfw

>>611860727
What is a "sudden ranger"? Sounds badass.

>>611859018
I've also heard it like that.

>>611870679

I know but I don't have any pics and that is barely ever observed anymore anyway, using a RAM based OS.

Googling is hard.

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You know the best thing about having sex with twentysix year olds? There's 20 of them...

>>611870555
>Nothing is ever my fault.
>Fucking white people.

>knock Knock
>"Come IN"
>Hi
>"Hi, how's it going, what seems to be the problem?"
>I've contracted Aids
>"How did you get that?"
>From an African prostitute.I'm riddled with it. The prostitutes from an African country that's ravaged by starvation. Selling her body was the only financial recourse she had left...

>>611871363
reddit.

>>611865858
fucking sick fuck, I've thought I have seen some disturbing shit on this shit, but this, this shit is fucked.

A white guy and two niggers are walking along the beach. They find a lamp and rub it. A Genie comes out
>what is your command my master?
The first black guy says
>I want all of my brothers back in Africa where they belong
Boom
>your wish is my command. All black people are back in Africa
The second black guy chimes up
>before you send me, I want a wall of a force field or something surrounding Africa so that nothing and no one can ever get in or out.
Boom
>your wish is my command. Africa is now sealed off from the world
The white guy now steps forward
>so, all the niggers are back in Africa and no one and nothing can ever get in or out?
>yes my master
>ok then. Fill it with water

>>611871013
Why do you insist on turning this into a thread of LIES?!

>>611871685
they can't ever get out anyway, white guy is an idiot that wasted a perfectly good wish.

>>611855716
kek best one here

>>611859262
Good god

>>611859070
No

>>611871685
1. You can't fill it with water (nothing can get in or out)
2. They are dead anyways. No trade, no biodiversity, and they are niggers.
3. The white guy should have wished for something else since they signed their death sentence. Like "I wish women forever catered to any man as long as you give them a sink"

>>611860480
Goddammit, it's impressive how well you just did that.

>how do you remove gum from your hair
>cancer

>>611872833
1: it's a genie it's magic figure it out
2: Africa is the most biodiverse place on the planet. If anything Africa would be fine and the rest of the world screwed
3: it's a joke. What, did you have your sense of humour removed as a child?

>how do you know when your sister is on her period
>when you dads dick tastes funny

I got banned from a twitch room for saying that once kek

>>611859815
Underated/10

>whats the difference between harry potter and the jews
>harry escaped the chamber

>>611873339

Kek.

>>611873212
1. They said "anything" can't come in or out since a genie is "something" it is included.
2. No it's not, America is, are you educated? They are still dead because of aids though
3. No your joke was not joke worthy it would be funny to a 10 year old boy. If you play your cards right you might be able to punch his chest in and titty fuck him

Need
Another
Seven
Astronauts

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Your moms so fat

>>611854978
Pedo Bear once Umpired a game for my nieces pee wee softball team. Potty mouthed little shit:
>If the infield has grass, PLAY BALL!
>IF NOT! GO MUDDIN!

>>611863912
>>>
underrated post

>>611871363
>fucking ewok fuck

>>611854978
As I slipped deeper and deeper into Depression, I thought to myself, "I should have given my daughter a better name."

A family of three lives on a farm.
>one day the daughter asks her dad if she can use his truck to go out with some friends. Dad says ok under one condition, you have to suck me off. Daughter thinks about it and says ok. The daughter goes down and asks her dad, why does your dick smell like shit?
>Dad says, your brother borrowed the truck last night,

>>611873212
I don't think biodiversity means what you think it means....

Z83965

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>>611854978
What's the best part of an ISIS joke?
The execution.

>>611874487
did you leave your barcode scanner on again?

work chat room always fills up with random numbers. This is not cringe, Anon.
>>611866919

>>611869046
I like telling her jokes about std checks but she never gets them

I like my women like I like my coffee.

[spoiler]ground up and stored in the freezer[/spoiler]

>>611874822
she should

>Uncutfag goes to Hospital and says
>Help me Doc ! Can't get my Foreskin back !
>Doc leans back on his chair and replies
>You shouldn't borrow it to people anyway

>>611875106
I like my women like I like my ancient Aztec ruins
>really righ and very very old

whats the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans?
> theres only one fly on a pair of jeans

>>611875331
Have any of you tried Ethiopian food?
>they haven't either

How did they know that Princess Diana had drandruff?

Cause they found her head and shoulders on the dashboard

what is the difference between a nigger and a tornado?

>>611875594

We can blame a tornado for destroying our neighborhoods

>>611875594
It only takes 1 to ruin an entire neighborhood

keke

>>611875657
hmmm. yes

whats the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?
> it only took 1 nail to hang the picture

>>611875657
>>611875692
But neither of these are differences

What's the difference between truck tires and niggers?
>truck tires don't sing when you put chains on them

>fat people

3 faggots in a hot tub. A blob of semen floats to the surface. One turns to the others and asks "OK which one of you bitches farted?"

>>611860124
>doesn't know how to greentext

OP here

Almost at the post limit /b/ros

Get em in while you can

>>611876317
Just wanted some contrast faggot. I'll give you the green text version but its less funny.

whats the difference between pope john paul II and madeleine mcann?
> pope john paul II died a virgin

>>611876553

In Britbong you would legit go to jail for that joke, kek.

>Q. Why did Hitler kill himself?

>A. He saw his gas bill.

>Q. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

>A. A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

>>611877510

Neither does a Jew.

Fire doesn't cause them pain.

What words of advice did the black guy give on his sons 21rst birthday?

>implying nigglets have dads

>>611864182
If you can cook, you can make anything taste great.

>>611863711
Way to kill a joke you autist

>>611873212
>>611872833
>>611871685

the original ending, the white guy wishes for a coke

>>611877924
thank you

>>611861223
That one is so angry at it's dad.


I mean independent?

Your dick in a taffy machine

>>611878063
That's just the usual....ending

>>611858730
kek

>>611854978
HaHa die

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51 KB, 289x292

>>611877777

>>611877777
quints are fucking true

>>611863912
niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!

>how long does it take for a black teenager to take a dump?
>9 months

>>611878578
The butthurt is strong with this one

what's the object of a jewish fotball game?

to get the quarterback

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182 KB, 453x298

>>611877777

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497 KB, 400x200

>>611860124
fukken lol

two men walked in to bar

i egg

>>611877777
checked

The ad playing on this thread. Kwaii tumblr themes
>your searches
Are
>your business

Now that's a joke
>kwaii tumblr themes

Whats the best thing about taking a shower with a nine year old girl? slicking her hair back and making her look six

>>611860124
LOLED SO HARD!

>>611879416
uh?

What's the best thing about dating a homeless girl?
>when the dates over you can drop her off wherever you want