What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken.

Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.

>>611432340
My life

So a man walks into a bar, and sits down. He starts a conversation with an old guy next to him. The old guy has obviously had a few. He says to the man:
"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!"
The old guy looks around, and makes sure that nobody is listening, and leans to the man, and he says:
"but you fuck one goat..."

what do you call a gay artist?

pick asshole

>>611432768
Toplel

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>>611432768

>>611432579
beat me to it

What is laser hair and why does everyone want it removed.

Jesus walks up to a bartended and the bartender says "what will it be"
Jesus says "13 waters" as he winks to the apostles.

>>611432512
aha

What did the flinstones call niggers?

Niggers

What starts with N and you never want to call a black man?

Neighbour.

>>611432340
2 fish are playing cards
first fish says is that a hook
no says the second my gills aren't that big

bimp

more of a riddle:

there are 4 houses: a blue one, white, green, and a red. Blue guy lives in the blue house, green guy lives in the green house, red guy lives in the red house. so who lives in the white one?
>durr the white guy
no dipfuck, the president lives in the white house, obama is a nigger.

Yo mommas so stupid i can hear the ocean when i seat next to her

>>611432340
A priest, a nun, and a mormon walk into a bar and the bartender says
>What is this a joke?

A horse wanders into a bar. The bartender asks, "why the long face?"
The horse, unable to comprehend the complexity of human linguistics, takes a shit and wanders back out.

A single woman gets a sperm donation from her gay friend
after devlering a baby boy she goes to the incubator to see her son and notices that in a row of 30 babies 29 are crying and screaming and only her baby is laughing and smiling

she asks the nurse "why isn't my boy crying like the resf of them"
The nurse replies "Wait until I get the thermomemeter out of his ass and he'll start crying too"

>>611432340
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A golfer goes "whack" and yells, "Damn!", while a skydiver yells, "Damn!" and goes "whack."

>>611432340
Black civil rights

You take your only ninety year old grandma to your friends party, let them have their way with her, and then tip her over and use her as dip

>>611433533
/r/shittyaskscience

Two bogans are walking down the streeteen at 8 am, on the way to the bottle store.
They see a dog near some dustbins, licking it's balls.
"I wish I could do that." Says the one.
"Nah mate, you can't do that. The dog will bite you"

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>>611435065

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what's the difference between a marvel fan and an ISIS soldier?

the isis soldier has taste.

>>611432340
I heard this one from the gods
"Jewish people"

What is white and hides behind a tree?

- A shy milk

>>611434772
Hah

Did you hear about the bank robbing psychic midget that just escaped from prison?

The news said to be on the lookout for a small medium at large.

Little Johnny was eating his grandmother out when he tasted horse semen. He whispered, "so that's how you died."

>>611435381
topkek

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Knock knock. Who's there. Op is a faggot.

>>611432576
AHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What is white and disturbs you at dinner?

- An Avalanche

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because niggers

What's the difference between a Jew and a dollar?

I'd care if 6 million dollars were burnt

Why is Hellen Keller a bad driver?

Because she's a woman.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

knock knock"

"whos there"

"its the police ma'am, im afraid its about your son, you see he was killed after being run over by an alchol"

>>611436186
Trying to hard

>>611432340
> best joke
My life.

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what do you get when you cross a nigger &
a gay eskimo?

>an snowblower that doesn't work

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

>>611436186

taht's not fuckign funny u pic of shit my bro dyed from this

there once was a man from Nantucket
who's dick was so long he could suck it
as he wiped off his chin, he said with a grin
if my ear was a cunt, i would fuck it.

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>>611432768
kek

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>>611432340
Why do pandas have a child bearing problem?
It's because no one want's to fuck someone who looks EXACTLY like you do.

What's the difference between a fridge and a faggot? A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it

>>611436524
full keks achieved

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop

What does a Jewish pedophile say?
Hey kids, do you wanna buy some candy?

>>611432340
>Anonymous 04/22/15(Wed)03:25:22 No.611
Why are japs eyes slanted? They're still squinting from the blast.

How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

>>611432340
knock knock

>>611436912
Come in.

A jew and a priest are sitting next to each when they spot a little boy.
The priest says, "I'd sure love to screw him."
The jew says, "Out of what?"

>>611436912
Go away there's no one home

>>611436960
prepare you're anus

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Niggers

>>611437039
niggers need no permission

>>611436605
There once was a man from china
Who wasn't a very good climber
He slipped on a rock and cut off his cock
And now he has a vagina

>>611432340
you
tell your mom I'm not coming home tonight because I'm tired of fucking a whale and I don't enjoy our retard faggot son.

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>>611437190

>>611437044
>you're
you are, not you're
you fucking meat munching fagshit you can't even spell foolish americunts

>>611432340
This thread

>>611434533
Seat? You mean sit you autistic fuck also nice dubs

>>611432579
/thread

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>>611437254
your right, thanks anon

knock knock
who's there
the first pilot let me in

Nine out of ten people enjoy a gang rape.

>>611432579
dubs to confirm

why do they call us niggas 4 life? cause when we die we gonna be just another dead nigga

What has six legs, perpetually smells like a week old unwashed ballsack dipped in Taco Bell and farted on 96 times, and bolts down the street bellowing, "HODI-DO! HODI-DO! HODI-DO! HODI-DO!"

Three niggers chasing after a bus.

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>>611437365
nice

why dont mexicans have freckes?
they all slid off.

>>611437507
freckles*

Where was sally after the explosion?
everywhere

>>611436327
Laughed harder than i should
Thanks anon

There's an assassin known to charge $1000 a bullet, one night he's at a bar and a man walks up to him. He hands over $2000 and says he wants his wife and the guy she's cheating with killed. They go to the hotel his wife is at and set up on the neighboring buildings roof. As the assassin sets up his rifle, the client says "I want you to shoot her in the head and then blow the guy's dick off". The assassin looks down his scope and waits for some time. The client asks what's taking so long and the assassin says "Wait a little bit, I'm gonna save you a thousand bucks."

>>611436398
Lol'd so hard

Knock knock, Who's there? Not Madeleine McCann.

>>611437254
are you retarded? he obviously meant "Prepare. You are anus.

>>611437739
No fuck he can't spell it was clearly an mistake

what does a gay horse eat?

haaaay

>>611437014
Moar now post moar now

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A trucker is driving down the road and sees two black kids standing on the side of the road, one has a broken wheel... he pulls over and offers them a ride, with the condition that they have to ride in the back... "be careful" he says, "I am shipping a load of bowling balls, and they could hurt you if you mess with them..."
So he continues down the road....
he isn't paying attention and passes a weigh station.
A cop pulls him over and asks to see what he is shipping. The cop opens up the back and looks in only to slam it shut instantly.
He looks at the driver with a panic.
"Holy shit it is a whole shipment of nigger eggs, two of them hatched and started stealing bikes!"

>>611437832
edgy

A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the fuck out of here."

>>611438020
2/10

>>611433714
I got it. Even if no one else did

a pregnant women enters a bakery.

- baker asks: what will you get.
- womens answers: a bread.

- baker: ohh, your husband will be suprised

>>611438158
I got it too. Doesn't make it any funnier

>>611437650
That was actually good

Why did paul walker cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt

>>611436398
My sides

I once saw a crow fighting a burgercost.

>>611438020
cantbelieveyoutookthetimetotypethatout/10

>>611438354
Why did the dead baby cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken.

Christmas is shit. Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross

>>611432971
-50/10

>>611438452
My sides

>>611434501
That was the worst piece of shit i have ever laid my eyes upon.

>>611436398
underrated, side in jupiter orbit

Interracial relationships

>>611438624
Ikr

>>611438577
glad u liekd

What's orange, tall as a pyramid, and sounds like a piccolo?

>>611438747
Kik me /b/ro colosus1913

>>611437650
lmao

OP

>>611438873
Swallow a bag of dicks faggot

itt: shit tier jokes

>>611437650
No self respecting assassin is gonna give his client a way to pay less money money. I call bullshit.

Anyone else smell a 404......

>>611434612
>Mormon walks into a bar

>>611438077
KeK

whats black and never works?
decaffeinated coffee
just kidding, niggers

>>611438158
everybody did, it's just not a good joke.

>>611439293
Ikr....fucking stupid christfag niggers

Why did the scarecrow got an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.

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>>611438947
Make me

>>611435250
Kek

>>611439446
I'll rek your mother cuz i know you want to but she thinks im sexy

>>611439430
Get*

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>>611439610
you're*

shes busy sucking my dads dick, then shes moving on to me. get in line.

>>611439901
Wrong i am your father

>>611437650
i raffed

>>611440088
quadruple doubles check em

There's a poor dirt farming family in Ireland. All they had was this one milk cow. They turn the milk to cheese, sell at the market to buy food.
One morning, the father wakes up and sees the milk cow dead. He hangs himself in the tree.
The mother wakes up, sees the milk cow dead and her husband hanging and throws herself into the river and she washes up on the shore.
Oldest son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, father hanged and, by his mother who washed up on the shore, a female leprechaun.
She says " Looks like you're having a bad day". he say "Yes." She says "i'll make you a deal, if you make love to me 10 times in a row, I'll bring your mom and dad back, and the milk cow". He says "why not?". He almost makes it but fails, she kills him. Next son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, his father hanging & his mother & brother dead by the shore near the leprechaun.
She tells him "if you make love to me 10 times in a row, I'll bring you father, mother & brother back, and also the milk cow". He agrees. He doesn't make, leprechaun kills him.
Youngest son wakes up, sees the milk cow dead, the father hanging, his mother & two brothers dead by the shore & the female leprechaun. She tells him "if you make love to me 10 times in a row, without stopping, I'll bring your father, mother and brothers back, and the milk cow". He says "Well, let's try it. BUT what if I make love to you 15 times in a row?"
She says, "In that case, I'll bring your father, mother and brothers back, even the milk cow and give you nice mansion where your hovel is".
He says "That's fine and all, but what if I make love to you 20 times in a row?" She says "If you make love to me 20 times in a row, I'll bring your entire family back, even the milk cow, give you mansion where your hovel is and give you a big pot of gold that will last you your entire life".
He says "alright let's get started in a minute, but first, if I make love to you 20 times in a row, what's to stop YOU from dying? The milk cow did."

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>>611439984

>>611437254
>getting baited this hard
welcome to 4chan

>>611432340
What's white on top and black on the bottom?
Society

What's black on top and white on the bottom?
Gangrape

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>>611440468

>>611440396
You just ate the b8
welcome here

How do you fit four guys on a barstool?

Turn it up side down

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>>611440306

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>>611440306

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>>611440730
I dont get it

>>611440088
hell yeah, 4 times dubs. check'd

>>611440814
Kekekekeke

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>>611440306

>>611440833
Checked

>>611440396
welcome to 4chan newfriend

http://youtu.be/I1q7pf6BSG8

>>611436786
Lold

Flipping out my 2 incher always gets the ladies laughing

Whats the difference between a muslim and a fish?

A fish only stinks when it's dead

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So there are these 3 guys walking down the beach. A white guy, a black guy and a Mexican. They find a lamp, rub it *poof* genie pops out. Genie says
>you've each got 1 wish.
Turns to the black guy says
>What's your 1 wish?
Black guy says
>I wish all my African brothers were back in Africa happy and free.
Genie goes *poof* all the blacks are in Africa happy and free. Turns to the mexican and asks
>What's your 1 wish?
Mexican says
>I wish all my Mexican brothers were in Mexico happy and free.
Genie goes *poof* all the Mexicans are in Mexico happy and free.
Genie turns to the white guy and asks
>What's your 1 wish?
White guy says
>You mean to tell me all the blacks and mexicans are out of America?
Genie says
>Yep
So the white guys tells the genie
>I'll have a Coke then.

Did you know Velcro is a rip off....

>>611439901
Is this your best joke? You're? Its your you dumb fuck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anQhOtwCS7A

You.

niggers

What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?

>>611438361
What's a piecost?

>>611436786
kek I just spilled my neighbours drink

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>>611441837
being alone?

>>611442201
sunken chest with no booty

>>611441837
>What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare?

A sunken chest with NO BOOTY!!!!1!!!
LULZROFLCOPTERBBQTYRABANKS

>>611434894
good one

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>>611442797
Oh, ok

>>611441837
being a nigger?

>>611437507
i don't get it?
because their faces are greasy?

>>611442113
;)

Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?

Jumped over 10 niggers with a steam roller.

>>611443211
uh it's tried to jump you faggot

>>611432512
I'm foreign fuck, i don't get it, explain please...

>>611443150
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years.
He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak.
His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail.
He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father."
The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed"
At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.
A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed."

>>611443386
national security is not a joke

Yo momma is so dumb, she couldn't think of an ending to this yo momma joke!

>>611432576
Thats preddy gud

>>611437902
underrated post.