>>610381223
topkek
I never did anything stupid

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>>610381223
I used to fuck my "sock em boppers" when i was 13.

>>610382158
doesn't seem too bad

>>610382158
More fun than a pillo fight

>>610381223
I used to fold my pillows in half and use them to masturbate.

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>squirt shampoo into sandwich baggies
>jerk off with them
>feels good man
>flush down toilet when finished
>septic tank backs up
>dad is pissed
>hundreds of sandwich bags
>demands to know why
>can't think of any logical cover story
>had to see a therapist for a few months
>still aroused by smell of shampoo

>>610382862
and you still used them for your head? ehww..

>>610382872
wat

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>>610381223
Never again I imagine?

>>610382984
They were extra pillows on my bed, but still pretty gross.

Hump man pillows

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>>610382872

oh you

jerk off with socks on penis and cum in it

>>610382872

kek

>>610381223
LoSM4u

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>HAVE A FORESKIN As God intended

>never need lube to fap, or hair conditioner or matress holes

>>610383778
Foreskin master race.

>>610382872
>septic tank

Do you live in a trailer?

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Not really green text worthy but.
I Jacked off about 7 or 8 times in about 4 hours. Needless to say my dick nearly fell off. I didn't jack it for about a week after because it was GLOWING red.

>>610382872
kek'd thanks mate

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>>610383778
I never got why people need lotions and shit. I'm a cutfag and never use any of that and have no issues.... niggas need to stop trying to rip their dicks off...

>>610382872
can you please elaborate what you told your father? does he know what happened today?

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>>610384013
Or... you know... just not in a city but whatever.

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Let's just say the Hulkster had a hole under his belt when I was a kid

>>610381223
Once poked a little polystyrene ball down my nob hole and got scared it was gonna go to my bladder and make it all fucked up because I'd heard a story about some kids who had inhaled them and died before, so I went and told my parents what had happened, boner in hand, they looked confused and didn't really know what to do. As soon as my hard on went away it dropped out and I breathed a sigh of relief that my bladder wouldn't die and no parents breathed a sigh of relief that this situation would no longer have to be happening and we all just never acknowledged it again

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>>610381223
>get cup of water
>warmish water
>put peepee into it
I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

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>>610381223

>>610384175
Am fellow 21st century healthy male from the civilized world. Only people who use lotion are 9 year olds who don't know technique and idiots who hear about it on the internet and assume thats how its done. Mattress fucker probably just wanted to pound something rather than jerking himself off.

>>610383778
Just before and during puberty I understood lotion had to do with jerking off... But never understood why. I never used it, having a foreskin. When I found out why, I felt so bad for them. What a fucking inconvenience. Having to have lotion, and wipe off your hand and dick after every jerk off. Wouldn't you fucking smell like lotion everytime you jack off? Wouldn't your room smell like lotion? Anyway, glad I don't need it.

>be 12 sleeping over at friends house
>crush on friends sister
>11 but already has perky tits
>everyone falls asleep
>wake up to pee
>walking back from bathroom her door is open
>stop and peak in
>shes asleep on top of covers
>nothing but shirt and panties
>start cranking one out right there
>what are you doing anon
>turn around and her mom is behind me
>never allowed over again

>>610384400
Top kek

>>610384013

no in a subdivison just outside of town.

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>>610384636
>tfw you will never be Olivia Benson Swift

>>610382608
God tier kek

>>610381223
>go in bathroom
>pretend to dump
>fold towel around dick
>fuck tightly folded towel
>parents ask why is taking so long
>make some bullshit excuse
>continue fucking
>finish in towel
>take real dump
>wash off cum
>leave like nothing happened
>repeat until high school

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>Be 13
>Commercial on tv with hot blonde in swin suit
>Always watch commercials to screenfreeze the right frame and jerk off to what i get
>Do this for 2 months
>Become master of the screen-freeze-jerk
>Commercial gets pulled
>Mfw

>>610384694
Regular people don't use lotion either retard, it's just idiots who don't know technique

>>610381223
Fapped in a born again christian school parking lot during recess

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>15
>mom just bought a new house, while family there helping clean walls and shit
>had moved my bed in the basement, was gona be the only one sleeping there that night
>couple more hours pass, my mom tells me she is going to paint someshit and then go back to other house
>getting quiet, checking new bathroom out right by my room
>full body mirror, gota see self naked
>naked in front of mirror want to see my dick hard in the full body mirror, swear I wasn't even trying to beat of, I just wanted to get hard
>going to take pic because I'm lookin good, start stroking to get harder,
>phone pointing at mirror in one hand, rubbing dick totally nude with other hand
>door opens
>MY FUCKING GRANDMA, WHY IS SHE STILL HERE!
>she sees it all.
>she slams door and runs away
>awkward af Easter
>she's cool though, I don't think she ever told anyone

>>610384360

The truth. I could not think of any plausible reason for why so many sandwich bags were flushed. Neither of them talked to me for a few days. It was a lot of bags.

>>610382158
Kek'd

>>610384400
>Hulkster
Kek'd

>>610382872
omg anon

>be me
>squirt liquid body soap into sandwich baggies
>put baggies in TP roll so tighter hole
>feelsgoodman.jpeg
>wait
>ohfuck
>soap inside my dickhole
>stings like a motherfucker
>decide to try to piss it out
>stings even more
>decide to just wait it out
>go play ps3
>dad comes home/i can barely walk
>"what happened anon?"
>tell him soap got into dick when i was showering
>he "buys it"

pretty sure he knew. fuck though, that was some shitty pain. waited a couple hours and then i took a piss... everything was fine after that.

but never again. fuck.

>>610383630
y i did that too for a while, my dad was wondering why i had 7less socks every week so i started cumming on toiletpaper

>>610384175
Cutfag also. Never have NEEDED lotion or any lube. I spit for lube because it feels better though.

>>610381223
She is super cute in this picture and so is that cat. She looks so much better in regular photos, not hollywood bullshit.

>13 or so.
>Well into puberty.
>Watch porn and "fap" a lot, but never finish.
>Sometimes a little precum came out, thought that was just what an orgasm was.
>Lying down on back porch swing one day.
>Dog comes and licks my face.
>Gross, but feels good, don't stop her.
>She is seriously just obsessed with licking my face (the dog had brain problems).
>Can't stop erection.
>Suddenly good feels.
>REALLY good feels.
>In space for a little bit.
>Come back.
>Dog still licking me.
>Pants are soaking wet.
>Go in and complain to my mom.
>I had not connected that this was a fucking orgasm.

And that's the story of my first orgasm, /b/.

>>610385418
Pic was taken by me when I was over her. Olivia likes to watch

>>610385058
Fair enough. Not sure why you gotta snap on a brother.

>>610385418
at least it's not just me that thinks so

>>610385416
spitter masterrace

>>610384595
rofl

>be 11
>jerk off in basement
>come on stomach
>smear all over
>let dry
>sleep/repeat

>>610382608
fuking lost it

>>610384728
mVIII my sides just left orbit. Thank you.

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>>610385511

>>610385058
Also, "regular people".

>>610384671
Or people with no slidable foreeskin

Or people who don't want to just tug their cock forward

>>610384728
jesus christ man

>>610385524
Yeah, everyone wishes whether they say so or not. Is she really a ratchet hoe? That's not meaning because she's dated a lot of guys, but like fucked a lot.

>>610384728
holy shit, did your friend know? and are you still friends today?

>>610385524
Edgy

>>610385165
Pretty sure I saw a porn movie start like that once

Sitting in the back of class in high school, maybe Junior year, huge hardon from ridiculous girl sitting in front of me. Deep pockets in my shorts, grab hold of my pecker, rub underneath the head until I unleash. Came absurdly hard. Didn't give a fuck.

>>610385813
>don't want to tug their cock
>don't want to masturbate

>>610384013


Lol dipshit city boy

You realize only metro areas have public sewers right? Enjoy your nigger aids and ignorance

>>610384671
Uncut here. If I'm going for a frenulum orgasam, it can be really sensitive and there may be too much friction so lotion can feel really good. This is coming from a guy who jerks off a lot. Like 10 times a week. I like to find more ways.

>>610385946
Yes he knew. Everybody knew about it. She made me go home right them and there. Parents heard me come in cause it was like two in the morning. Told them I could not sleep over there so I came home. Next morning the bitch calls my mom. Yup still bros though.

>>610384960
It's like when you find porn that's really good but then never find sauce again.

>>610385944
She sucked me so hard that I came blood and guts if that's what you're wondering

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>>610381223
>15
>bored and nobody is home
>decide to experiment with anal
>find a cucumber in the fridge
>cover it in crisco
>try to fuck my ass with it, got it in but was way too painful
>keep going anyway
>shit starts bleeding
>realize mom will know I took it
>wash it off and put it back in the fridge
>shit blood and mucus for the next 3 days
>they made salad with it the next day
>watch in horror as my parents eat my ass cucumber

nobody got sick, so alls well that ends well

>>610385728
thats fucking nasty

fucked an orange.

>>610383778

you people are fucking disgusting

i hope the next woman you sleep with has a heart attack when she sees such a abberration.

>>610386235
>A guy that jerks of a lot
>Like 10 times a week
Mate I do that in a day.

>>610386235
Well maybe that just makes feel it better. like when the foreskin won't come over the tip without ripping, and the pain from coming close just makes fap better.

>>610386235
I'm tellin ya man you need to rethink your technique if it causes pain at any point

>>610386431
Top Fucking kek

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>>610381223
>Be 12 years old
>invited to dinner at friend's house
>Friend has incredibly hot mom
>Go to bathroom during dinner to look for neighbor's panties
>Laundry hamper was empty
>See listerine bottle
>Perfect fit around my young cocktail
>Fuck the listerine bottle until I come
>Respectable cum shot in listerine solution
>Shake it, put it back
>Fast forward to a few days later
>Be invited to sleep over at neighbor's house (by my friend who's hot mom had a clean laundry basket of course)
>Go to her room with friend to get PS1 controller
>Bathroom door is opened, friend's mom is brushing her teeth
>See her take a sip from the same listerine bottle I fucked and came in
>mfw

>>610386575
>I keep my junk clean
>ladies love it, never had a complaint

>>610386431
haha

>>610382872
Top kek

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>be teenager
>live in basement and sleep on a sofa
>jerk off on the couch
>wipe my cum in the bottom of the backrest hidden by cushions
>do this for a few years
>cum starts to accumulate
>mom wants to sell couch
>she spends hours cleaning the bottom of the backrest
>we never sold the couch
kek

>>610386431
I did something similar once.

>find a big dildo in spare bedroom closet
>lube up with hand soap and shove in ass
>fuckin hurts forget this
>pull it out and uncontrollably shit on carpet
>blame dog
>dog gets yelled at, nose rubbed in, put out
>asshole hurt for a few days

Anal is not fun.

>>610386912
Well they obviously can't complain because they aren't conscious

>>610385346
you've played PS3 in your puberty?

Underage or am i just feeling old? How old is that thing?

>>610386912
Who are you quoting?

>>610387128
2006 niqqa

>>610386575
Are you saying that having a foreskin is an aberration? I'm cut but I mean...We're born with one ya know..How's that an aberration?

>>610387026
>Anal is not fun.
only if you do it wrong
go slow and don't try putting big things in your ass straight away

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>>610384728

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>>610386037
I definitely don't just yank it forward. I know it doesn't have an instruction manual but come on.... it's masturbation not rocket science.

>>610384728
Damn.

Used butter for lube. Idk why

>>610387128
i turn 19 this month hahah

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>>610386621
Those are rookie numbers. Get on my level.

>>610387026
Anal is great, try using a small hand brush handle. Also try and get like a needle used to give infants medicine. Fill with water, point up ass and fire water in a few times. Gets you extra wet inside and makes anal amazing. Trust me I do it, if you don't have needle use a bottle. Fill bottle to the very top sit over toilet point push bottle right onto anus (not to go in) and fire water inside.

>>610381223

> be 17
> visit from cousins from "the old country"
> cousin's daughter is 6, first met her 2 years previous, cutest cute that ever cuted
> spend much of their trip "babysitting" daughter, because "isn't it sweet that they get along so well"
> find their laundry
> on impulse, take a pair of her panties
> wanks ahoy
> feel guilty
> fap again
> play with her later, smell her hair
> fap again
> feel guilty

She's 21 now and hot as hell, and a beautiful woman in general. I somehow doubt she'd respond well once she realized the full implications of "I've loved you for 15 years"

>>610387444
the trips dont lie

>>610381223
>have extremely sexy teacher in 7th grade
>wearing short skirt that day being all extra-sexy
>fantasize in great detail about every possible sex act i could perform with her during entire class
>RAGINGBONER.jpg
>next class on other side of school
>decide to go into stall in bathroom and beat off between classes
>cum buckets all over door, get some on latch
>lols
>not late to class

>>610386431
Oh my christ

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>>610385511

>>610385728
I still do that. Sometimes wipe it on the wife when she has denied me.

I one edged for so long I gave myself blueballs. I was at if for over seven hours.

>>610387026
> hand soap in asshole
This was your first mistake

>>610381223
>be me 13 or so
>parents out on date or whatever
>explore parents bedroom cause bored
>find moms kinky underwear
>pop boner
>get naked
>put moms underwear on
>fap
>cum
>put clothes back
>alls well that ends well

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>>610384728

That's just fucking epic!

>>610387026
it hurt because you used FUCKING SOAP

>>610386621
No you dont. Be honest, how many times do you masturbate in a week?

>>610387011
>do this for a few years
the amount of cum must have been astounding.

>be me around 10
>getting horny
>remember seeing a video where a chick had her cunt under a bath faucet
>decide to try it out
>draw myself a masturbath
>start jerkin my gerkin
>put my tiny asshole under the faucet
>feels pretty good
>someone flushes a toilet
>boiling hot water rushes over my asshole and balls

>>610388343
kek

>>610384694
>cut
>never used lotion
What the fuck is wrong with you weirdos?

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>>610388343

>>610381223
>be like 8
>ask bro how to fap
>tells me just move back and forth
>I do it, move so back the end falls out the foreskin
>cant seem to get it back in
>run to parents screaming I can't get it back inside
>all while having erect 2 inch penis in my hand

>be about 14
>fapping
>dog walks by
>grab her my the mouth
>open wide girl
>cum inside her mouth, done it a few times

>be about 17
>round friends house
>mother is hot as fuck
>go to bathroom see panties on floor pick up and fap
>put panties in and around mouth
>go into /b/ros room, show him panties and proceed to tell him what I done
>turns out his mother was away on holiday and his grandma was looking after him...

Yep she's like 70 and old and no wonder I thought the virginal area was covered in dust.

>>610381223
>dog gets pepersprayed by mail man because he got out
>gotta clean him off
>get peperspray on my hands
>jerk off several hours later while a thin layer is still there
>felt warming and tingling except it stung when i got a bit in my dickhole
might still do it if i had pepper spray

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>>610388343
mYSIDES

>>610388343
had a giggle at that one

>>610388247
It varies for me. Sometimes I'll go weeks without. Sometimes I beat my dick raw several time a day.

>be 19
>regularly take bus uptown, to work, etc
>seen many videos of people showering unsuspecting females on bus with their jizzle juice
>get really bored on bus one day, try to recreate
>bus is nearly empty with one 8/10 sitting on seat just before the bench at the back of the bus
>purposely stand instead of sitting, holding onto the rail, behind her
>after much hesitation I uncage the beast
>begin light strokes underneath coat
>nearly sweating because I'm so nervous
>hereitgoes.jpg
>unload on her hair and her back
>she doesn't notice
>quickly hide my willy wobbler and get off at next stop

>next day take the same bus
>turns out someone near front of bus noticed me jizz on her hair and told her as she got off
>came with her boyfriend
>big fucking body builder
>drags me off bus and kicks the shit out of me
>no shame

>>610384728
Holy shit. I actually said 'oh my fucking god' out loud. Do you cringe every time you think about this incident? You should cuz it's based as fuck.

>>610386781
Whats up pencil dick.
Or did you just make that all up?

>>610388247
Honestly. At least 35-50 times. Depends, while I had a girlfriend I could go a week without fapping even if I only had sex once that week.

Woke up at 5pm, it's 2am now, fapped 6 times already, won't fall asleep until around 9am so that's 7 hours left. I bet I do it around about 5 times.

>>610388546
by far the funniest one i read

>>610385346
Kinda related to you anon. I was showering when I was like 12 one day. Had those big bottles of head and shoulders, with the tap? at the top, that you push down. I have great idea. Put the hole of my dick onto the whole of the bottle. Push
Worst pain of my fucking life. Dick hurt for 3 days.

WTF is going on here, I have no foreskin and fap with no lube, what kind of cutfags can't fap without lube?

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>>610385956

>>610388693
Fucking right no shame. Hahaa

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>>610388833
>>610388955
check'd

>i'm in boarding school
>at the age discovering masterbating
>always jack of in my room (with stuffed animals didn't know porn existed)
>it's like 12 o'clock
>cum for the first time
>WTF IS THIS?
>my room leads to a hallway with all the other rooms, the bathroom is in the hallway
>leave my room walk through the hallway naked with my stiff dick covered in cum
>there is like 6 people standing outside of there rooms
>just walk past them like whats up
>they all look at me with wide open mouth and jaw dropped
>wash myself up and walk back again like what up
>no one ever said a thing about it

>>610388555
Please wash your hands more often.

>>610388955
I can fap without it, but why wouldn't you use lube? feels so much better.

>>610389043
Shit that looks delicious.

this thread is the best thing I've read in weeks

>>610388955
Means your skin might be looser anon idk

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>>610384960

>13
>screenfreeze exists
>mfw youngfags everywhere

>>610389123
it's oil based

When I was in elemantry school I always sat at the back of the bus. I was the last one off so almost every day with out fail before I got home I would sit down and fap on the bus.

Wipe the cum on the back of the seat and then go home and watch cartoons

>12
>in bathroom
>notice 10 year-old sister's bathing suit hanging to dry
>put it on because for some reason that was hot to me as it hadn't been washed yet
>jerk off through swimsuit
>cum while wearing it
>wash it off
>do it any time her swimsuit was drying in the bathroom
>eventually start taking it out of the hamper after it dried and did it just to maximize the amount of times I could jerk off wearing it while it hadn't been washed yet
>one day my mom catches me digging it out of the hamper
>asks what the fuck I was doing with it
>"Um, I wanted to see what I'd look like as a ballerina, and this looks like what they wear."

Have no fucking idea why something that fucking gay came out my mouth, but it did. My mom then sat me down and told me that crossdressing was bad.

>>610382872
oh shit you made my day rofl

>be me around 12
>remember seeing a video of a guy fucking a lawn table and getting arrested
>get really horny
>decide to try it out
>go outside and find the nearest lawn table
>start fucking its umbrella hole raw
>wasp crawls on my cock head
>yank out penis and rip shaft on stray wood splinter
>go to ER
>doctor asks what happened
>tell him neighbors dog got ahold of me
>dog gets euthanized
>

>>610382608
holy kek

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>>610388955
Yah my tube steak needs some spam to get it rollin', old hoss can't really lather out much if I try to dry dog him off

>>610383778
i dont have foreskin but i dont use lube

>>610389265
topkek

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You niggas don't know THE SHIT
>find grocery bag with no holes
>eat a banana and save the peel
>lube up banana
>insert penis in banana
>put penis and peel into bag
Ok that's the pre-prep, now to prepare the bed
>get 2 pillows
>put both inbeteen mattress and box spring
>insert banana contraption between 2 pillows
>lean on top of bed for added pressure
>skeet hands and worry free into the bag
I've been using this method since middle school

>>610389134
I really can't get off without it, I try, never works

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>>610389134
At this point I don't even fap for pleasure. It's just to get rid of inconvenient boners. Plus even when I did to feel good lube is just a gross mess to clean up. it didn't really enhance anything for me, kinda felt sort of sad..

>>610389043
huh, i was wondering if i was the only one to notice that

>>610386781
legend

>>610384400
holy crap i did this too....

>>610382872
>hundreds of sandwich bags
I guess this is the day I die of laughter.

>>610382872
try rolling the bag in a towel as tight as you like your pussies ;D military style man

>>610389389
the actual fuck is this

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>>610389316
Bullshit.

>>610382872
why did you need to see the therapist?

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>>610389478
relevant gif

>>610384013
Public sewer pleb

>>610389565
same

>>610389511
>>610389134
I think it feels worse to be honest. Fuck I hope I can find a dry vagina.

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>>610389389
>tube steak
top fucking kek

>>610386119
>implying living in civilization is somehow an insult.

>>610382608
You, sir, win the internets.

>>610389740
Haha where did you find this one?

>>610389389
kek'd

>>610388555

How it feels to chew 5 Gum

>about 17 or so
>decide to try prostate stuff
>find a carrot about the size of my dick
>lotsa lube, etc.
>start probing the anus
>not getting what's so fun about this
>decide to stop
>I'm on all fours in my room, hands covered in lube, holding a carrot
>how am I gonna open doors all the way to the bathroom?
>decide to open them using the back of my hands
>still holding carrot, need disposal method
>genius plan: flush the carrot down the toilet
>carrot looks too long to flush
>break it in half
>put it back together and shove it up my ass
>go to bathroom opening doors with the back of my hands
>sit on toilet
>shit out carrot
>flush

never again

>>610384132
Glow in the dark dicks

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>>610389917

>>610384400
>the terrified look on that doll

>learn about masturbation
>become obsessed
>become bored and constantly find new ways to cum harder and harder
>find out about tying your balls off, supposedly makes cumming great
>grab my earbud cable
>tightly wrap cord around my nuts
>about to cum
>nothing comes out so I go to untie the cord
>scrotum skin has swollen over cord
>claw at nuts attempting to undo the contraption
>on my knees bawling and jerking my crotch around
>finally manage to slip a finger under the cord
>undo the tourniquet and massage sore balls
>lay in bed and sob

>>610388343
top kek

>>610381223
>be young and naive, just discovered fapping
>decide I need something to fap with
>no lotion or any other suitable substance in the house to use
>use my spit for awhile, but get tired of it
>decide to use soap, because why not?
>decide I can just wash up later
>fap with soap in bed
>feels good
>knock on door
>oh shit
>tuck everything away
>have to go somewhere awhile with family
>soap dries completely into dick
>hardens
>stays this way for hours
>finally shower
>skin is all weird
>my dick is literally molting
>skin peeling away
>hurts, but kind of feels good
>no blood
>color/texture improved after swelling went away
>much more sensitive
>my cock is a snake
>begin strangling small animals with it from that day forward

>owned this giant 5 foot long plush dolphin
>cut a hole where I imagined it's vagina would be
>fuck it every night
>it's completely full of crusty jizz
>every night I fuck it I have to crack through the layer of last night's crusty jizz
>stank up the entire room
>no fucks given

>>610390408
Y u do this man I just cried almost

I used to cum in girls jackets during lunch break

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>>610389043

im glad someone else around here is using those cookies as a reaction image.

>13
>no internet, any bare titty is a godsend
>at grandparents house for Thanksgiving
>during dinner have to take a shit
>Victoria's Secret in the bathroom
>jackoff while everyone is eating turkey
>dessert time
>go jackoff again while people are eating pie
>time to leave
>go back to the bathroom and cram the magazine into my waistband
>whole extended family is walking us out to the car
>magazine starts slipping down
>no no no no no fuck fuck
>worms its way down my pant leg
>god just 20 more feet cmon cmon
>5 feet from the car it pokes out
>HEY ANON WHATS THAT
>everyone is staring
>n-nothing
>dad picks it up for the whole family to see
>nothing is said just shame filled stares from everyone

>>610388725
Fake and gay. Who fucks a Listerine bottle and why? Nothing about that could feel good.

>>610390574
>every night I fuck it I have to crack through the layer of last night's crusty jizz

gone

>be probably 12 or 13
>everyone else asleep
>take out porno mag stash
>super hard preteen boner already, shits throbbing
>start looking at the boobs, the butts, and that sweet 90's trim
>boner nearing critical mass, and i haven't even touched it yet
>pull down underwear and let my dick flop up against my stomach as its set free
>had a really weird technique where i'd have my thumb on the top side of my penis, and my index and middle fingers on the underside
>start rubbin' that fledgling bratwurst
>see in the phone sex ads shit about the girls being wet, dripping wet pussy, etc.
>figure it would probably feel like a real pussy if i somehow got some moisture on my dick
>decide to sneak to bathroom with my dick practically scraping along the ceiling the entire way
>run some warm water on my hand, then put my hand around my boner
>feels insanely good, keep going from faucet to dick
>realize i can't stand here all night, so fill up a couple dixie cups with hot water and go back to my room
>set cups on my dresser, and try to figure out how to put my dick in the cup of water
>get up on the dresser and dip my dick
>feels good, but nothing is moving, so was kind of underwhelming
>keep pouring little handfuls of water in my palm and then jack off
>finally just go for it, and start going as fast i can all the way up and down
>feel like somethings going to happen, kind of scared, but still horned up and excited so keep going
>have orgasm, clearish-yellow liquid came out
>grabbed a small towel from the laundry and wipe up

Newfag here, how to do greentext. I have a pretty good story.

Be 11, shower head plugged from hard water, unscrew it, just pipe coming thru wall. Steady stream hitting dick, feels good, keep holding dick under pounding water, came buckets, scared shit outa me. Always run outa hot water showering.

>>610389316
That is pretty hard to believe, but the way you described it made me cringe into another dimension.

I used to jerk off on my sister and her friends when I was younger. My mom caught me one time. She didnt get made though, instead she told me everything about sex and then jerked me off Untill i squirted cum everywhere. She told me if I ever feel the urge to go in my sisters room to just come to her instead.

>>610390060
Fucking kek'd. There had to be a better way.

>>610390915
Newfag here, how do you do greentext?

>>610390918
hit ctrl+w before each line

>>610391103
Go read the faq newfag

>>610381223
>be me at 15 years old
>industrious as fuck
>have soft as fuck egyptian cotton sheet set, came with like 6 pillow cases
>have idea
>create fleshlight with pillowcases and a cup
>go in dry
>felt fantastic
>try it next day
>fucking fantastic
>next day hurts like hell
>blood all over the place
>ohshit.jpg
>realize i rubbed my dick until it bled
I have a lot of stories of me trying to create the greatest fleshlight using basic household items and various liquids as lubricant

>>610391011

maybe, but the anus was right there, so I just used it as a carrot holder

>Be 12
>Find stepmoms dildo in her draw
>decide to experiment
>try to put it in ass but too tight
>excellent idea springs to mind
>shampoo for lube
>split anus, soap in fresh wound and bowel lining
>snap back to reality and never do homo shit again
God was truly looking out for me that day. I do still fap to shemale porn but im not gay

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>>610390866

good that u are fifteen now right

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>>610385728
>between the ages of 13 and 18 I would jackoff and cum on myself and just pull my pants up
>years later realized I constantly stank like cum for years

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>>610390954

>>610391205
There's a FAQ? Lulz, just got here from Reddit and I trying to see what the fuss is about 4chan. I thought this was a hacking community. Thanks a bunch buddyfag.

>>610391463
>his palms spaghetti
>knees weak, arms spaghetti
>there's spaghetti on his spaghetti already
>mom's spaghetti

>>610382608

great job

>>610391530
God you are fucking disgusting lmao

>>610385192
Like exactly HOW many? Like woah thats alot many or holy shit thats alot many

>>610391382
Please share your stories with us.

>>610389957
Go ahead and save it. All yours friend.

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>>610391591

>>610387494

this reminded me of something I long forgot.

>at friends house over the summer, playing vidya
>has a sister younger by 2 years, has been outside in the pool with her friend
>have to piss
>see her bikini bottom & top hanging over the shower, they must have changed and left
>proceed to masturbate with it
>super horny accidentally cum all over it
>washing fails (paranoid),pocket it
> go back and try to pretend like I don't have a cumstained bikini in my now cumstained pockets as I wait a little bit as to not raise suspicions
>go home, never hear a word about it missing thankfully

>>610391591
Np homiefag lol, we're all newfags anyway

>>610387494

do it faggot.jpg

When I was 13 I once fapped 6 times within 2 hours. After that I didn't fap for about 2 weeks because my dick was red by then

>>610391845
Tips fedora.

M'lady

Also, while we are on the topic, what are dubs?

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>>610390954

well.. did u go to her instead?

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>>610384400

In afganistan we had these dark green portable outhouses. The 120 degree sand nigger sun would make it hotter than a sauna in there. I had this game where I would try to beat off before I passed out.
Also, had a gear search cuz a night vision system was missing and they were trying to find it. My buddies pocket pussy falls out of his pack and before he could pick it up our MOTHERFUCKING COMMANDER is like "oh thats cool" and picks it up. It had a green carrying case and for some reason he thought it was a vape. "I gotta get me one of these" he opens it, looks at my buddy with just this look of utter disappointment. Like he looked sad. Me dropped it on the ground and muttered "yall mothafuckas need jeezus" (he was a fundamental christian from the south)

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>no internet
>would draw shitty hentai with pencil and paper and jackoff to it
>had a massive collection of like 100 papers
>one day freak out and decide to get rid of my collection
>start flushing them down the toilet one by one
>takes fucking forever
>around paper 75 the toilet just dies
>stepdad learns about clogged toilet
>starts pulling out massive wads of paper with toilet snake
>knows it was me
>I refuse to admit to it
>his face
>my face

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>>610391929
>>610391591

>>610385511

part 2

>Age 15
>Have not had another orgasm since.
>Still hadn't put together I had an orgasm.
>Still watch a lot of porn, but for some reason never see anything with a real cumshot.
>Would sneak downstairs every few nights to get some alone time.
>Watching some WAM fetish stuff.
>Realize rubbing my dick with my underpants feels better than my hand.
>Do that.
>Suddenly good feels.
>REALLY good feels.
>Clean up, turn off computer, go to bed.
>The journey begins.

>Experiment with various fabrics to find good fapping tool.
>About a week of this.
>Find a blanket my brother had got to take to college but left behind and never used.
>Nice material, let's try this out.
>Perfect.
>Been fapping with it ever since.
>I'm 21, it's in the other room right now, will probably fap with it tonight.

Tried lube before, but I find it too messy, the blanket gets the job done just fine.

>>610392072
cant tell if b&

or redditfag

>>610382872
I love you /b/

>>610381223
>One day decide to have enema and fap, then fuck shit out of my asshole
>go to bathroom, connect shower hose with my ass
>fucking strong urge to shit
>run to toilet room(bathroom and toilet room are separated)
>have slipped because of wet feet. fell on my ass
>water and shit are rushing to exit
>can't resist anymore
>everything is in shitty water
>crying like a bitch, which I am
>nevermore

>>610392306
>kekd
>my sides are gone

>>610388343
damn anon your pain is my pleasure fucking hilarious

>be me around 13
>remember my friend telling me about nipple stimulation during masturbation
>get home from school and start getting horny
>get new clothes pins
>apply them to my hard adolescent nipples
>start furiously jacking off on bed
>nipples start to numb
>can't feel them
>freak out and rip off pins without squeezing them
>yanks nipples and skins the top layer of skin off
>blood starts oozing from open nipple wounds
>lay on bed fetal position holding my pressing my chest
>nipples have a crusty layer of blood for 2 weeks

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>>610388343
Holy shit, my sides.

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>>610392446
What level commander

>>610391668
lol'd at this more than anything in the thread so far

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> Be 13
> Horny as fuck
> Get rubber glove
> They were the white clear ones that don't stretch
> Blow it up best I could
> Dick barely fits in
> Use spit because don't wanna get rubbing burn shit
> do this for about 2 weeks
> I would cum inside glove
> Didn't clean it out once
> Next day cum was crusty
> Too horny to care
> I fucked that thing for 10 mins
> Spit dried up
> Finished
> Pull dick out
> Turn on lamp
> MFW my dick is pouring out blood
> Burns were right under tip, (cut)
> Everyday they would create scabs and I would peel them
> I still have a scar

>>610390157
Nice! I can finally ace my KKK initiation rites.

>>610390541
Did not see that coming.

Nothing too weird. Just used to grease up the concave part on the inner ankles just above the heels, crouch down, hold my ankles together and fuck them.

>>610393109
Me too, anon.
>You better lose yourself in your mom's spaghetti - it's ready.

>14
>jackin it
>about to blow
>nothing to jizz on
>stand up with boner searching room for a paper towel or something
>knock shit over, causing a loud ruckus
>finally find a playing card, jizz on it
>later that night go to dispose of card
>card was a Jack of hearts
>Jack
>laugh like hyena for hours

>>610393108
are you telling me you can't spot stolen valor? I'm a civilian and even I realized that was a bunch of horse shit

>>610389212
Dude, that shit has been around since I was at least 10 years old and I'm 32. It might not have been a TiVo but you could pause TV

>be 14
>hanging out at best friend's house while his family is gone for whatever
>smoking shitty commercial weed
>drinking warm cans of beer like retards
>eventually he leaves to see his gf? don't remember, but he was gone, and it was really late
>decide to watch tv and go to sleep
>suddenly boners
>horny with a boner and i must jack off now
>get up and start looking for some media with which i will further arouse myself
>not finding anything other than the bra ads in the sunday papers
>fuck that
>friend had a sister
>decide to go into her room for motivation
>she was a huge fat bitch also, but i was a virgin piece of shit, so being in a girl's room was enough i guess
>dig out some of her bras
>32 DDD's son
>fat girl, fat tits
>strip down and lay on her bed and rub her bra all over my peen
>jizz directly in one of the cups, and just throw it on the floor and walk out
>pass out on couch with another shitty warm icehouse

>>610391463
I also used to dry hump my friend across the road. She was one year older than me. The craziest position we did it was on the monkey bars. She rapped her legs around me and grinded like crazy.
I still dry hump my bed to the thought to this day. I'm 23

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>>610389389

>>610393539
Why do you think I asked him?

>>610393777
was hard for me to tell with your reaction gif. also, those trips have been checked

>>610393108
Battalion.

>>610384400
who is this mustached wrestler?

>>610390954
I was only 13 at the time. My stepdad worked 3rd shift, so I took advantage of it every night he was gone. The first few times I was super nervous, but my mom helped me through it. She told me it was only natural as she stripped down infront of me and then stripped me down. She was the first person to suck my cock. Around my 14 bday i went to her room for my treat and she told me no. I got sad, but she then dropped her robe to reveal some super sexy lingerie. She told me to go lay in the bed and wait for mommy

>>610384175
I have fucked the chick in that picture.... I'm almost positive. Is her name Mary or Maryjo or some shit from Georgia?

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>>610388343

>>610392764
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhqZcGcwYV8

>>610389265
now this made me giggle

-> fapping in front of the tv
-> while recording the porn movie at 2am in the morning
-> while my mother was sleeping and father working.
-> in the 90s so with tapes.

>>610389316
pasta

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>>610385346
>>610382872
Use conditioner gys. It's soooap much bedder.

>>610394750
epic greentext bro!

>>610394750
>being this new
kek read the FAQ fgt

At Junior Prom I jerked off into my hand and then stirred it into the punch bowl.

>Young
>Masturbated in shower because shared a room
>Masturbate with conditioner
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>Notice itching in crotch next day at school
>Dick has texture of chapped lips
>Itches so fucking bad, hurts when itched
>No relief
>Thisfuckingsucks
>Skin eventually starts peeling
>Fap in shower to remove all dead skin
>Never again

>>610394750
>2am in the morning

I'm confused as to when this occurred

>>610394291
more?

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>>610394963
>>610394897

>>610394879
That I wrote

>>610392537
Nigga are you me?