>>609469508
Can't remember it anymore.
It was that horrible.

>Be me yesterday
>Seen 14 year old gook at a walmart
>He's wearing a "Disobey" hoodie with a Guy Fawkes Mask
>I ask him what is that?
>He says he is anonymous
UGHHHHHHHHH

>>609469697
Ew

>>609469508
Got into a fight before I was aware I can't fight. Luckily for my physical safety, he couldn't find either. For my dignity, I wish he would have knocked me out. It was the cringiest fight to ever happen.

>>609469855
couldn't fight either *

>>609469508
My gf telling our friends I'm watching MLP and making it sound like it's something strange and for little girls.

Looking back on it, it's stupid. Still makes me cringe to think about.
>probably about 8 years old
>lunch time at school. this one bitch hates me, I forgot why
>says something mean, I respond, she misheard and asks "did you just call me an armo?"
>no fucking clue what that is but she seems insulted. say yes.
>later on I have a group of very angry Armenian children telling me off
>what the fuck is going on
>get in a fight with them all. tried to fight back, got my ass kicked and laughed at

That was the day I learned that an Armenian was. Bunch of fucking assholes.

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>>609470905
>utilizing a corpse to flirt at a funeral with your cousin

>be me
>be 12
>see girlfriend nude
>my penis takes it's time to grow.
>"its okay anon"
>we kiss/make out
>my penis touches her butthole
>she gets scared and runs away
>"why did your penis touch my butthole? I thought we were putting it in here"
>she points to her vag
>she gets on her bed with legs open
>notice huge stink smell suddenly hit me
>its fishy smell.
>"why does your vag smell like fish?"
>"i forgot to clean it in 3 months. Sorry anon.."
>3 months
>ran away

>>609471765
I can't even imagine the stench

>Be 15 yo me in 10th grade bio, always getting the top grade on tests
>Group project time. People getting up to look for partners, better sit here and stare at the floor
>Still sitting, girl approaches me: "Hey, you seem smart. Do you want to be partners?" Others are surrounding us
>Detect hint of condescension so autism engages. I hesitate and say, "oh it's okay...you can go find someone else?" without even thinking about what I was saying
>Other kids start laughing and chiding me
>mfw I just shut down some girl who complemented me and looked retarded in front of class that hates me
>Do project alone

>>609472309
i cringed so hard

It's so bad I can't even make myself post it here

>>609471171
None of these were bad, then I read that. That's hilarious I want it to be real

>>609473043
do it

>>609473043
Do it plz

>>609472766
also
>13 years old. Reading Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card with English tutor, a woman (I was being homeschooled that year because I was sick at the time)
>Come to line "...and the beasts cleave together"
>I read it "and the breasts cleave together"
>I immediately realize my mistake and go beat red

>>609473043
I imagine that's why this thread is so slow

there are enough autists here to fill this thread within minutes. fuck you cowards

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>>609473043
You're safe here, friend.

>>609469508
>be me
>7 years old, taking swimming lessons after school
> One day I'm just splashing about on the side, not paying attention
>everyone is supposed to be gathered to hear what the instructor wants us to do
>hear the words "off you go"
>start swimming
>halfway across the pool I notice I am alone
>She didn't mean me
>swim slowly back to the wall, all eyes on me
>dad just sitting on the side, shaking his head

>>609473283
Red is an interesting name for a dick

>be me in 11th grade
>didn't fap in 3 days
>be lunch
>"shit do i really need to fap THIS bad?"
>goes to bathroom, on second floor
>goes to urinal and starts fapping, so if someone walked in they'd think i'd be taking a piss
>after 3 minutes, hears a noise from behind the stall
>zips up pants very slowly and turns around to look at the stall, can make out someone taking a shit
>obvious they know what i was doing
>walks out of bathroom as fast as possible
I still have no idea who was behind the stall to this day

>>609473515
Kek

>>609473568
He was probably as embarrassed as you.

>be me
>see hot gril
>"wow you look stunning"
>43 year old teacher turns around
>"haha thanks anon. Didn't know you were into older girls"
>fucking dropped out of school

>Came back to a friends house after a night of drinking
>Awkward friend is downstairs that we like to bring out because we've known him for so long and has no friends
>Walk downstairs, hes jerking off furiously to another guy that's sleeping next to him
>Never speak of it

>>609469508
>Be me
>Be 8-9
>Of Eastern European heritage
>Have unibrow of which I was great ashamed and teased for
>Girl says: "Hey anon, shave your unibrow and I will go out with you"
>Girl be hot
>Go home that night
>Shave brow
>School next more feeling alpha
>Girl: "Lolwut I can't believe you did that! Anon is loser I would never date you"
>Teasing intensifies
>Still teased about it by friends today
>Be 24

>>609473155
>>609473239
It might not be what you're expecting

>8 years old
>peak of my autism
>have birthday party
>go play soccer at the park
>made red and yellow cards to give to people
>gave some kid a red card and didn't let him play anymore
>end of the party
>steal a kids gameboy and hide it under the sofa (didn't have one yet at the time)
>"where's my gameboy"
>"dunno lol"
>keep sitting on it until he leaves

How do i green text?

>>609474110
Put this < before your message

>>609473515
kek

>>609474177
<test

>>609472766
these sort of things have happened to me too much. not even always at school.

>girl offers me a sweater
>that's weird. what, why the hell would anyone offer me anything for no reason
>must be some sort of taunt. I'm used to it
>just shake my head no, say nothing else
>she seems embarrassed and walks off with her friend. start regretting
>hear friend say to console "he must think he's hot shit. don't worry about that weirdo"
>now they hate me at school too

low self-esteem is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. it fucks you over so bad

>>609473933
Hey anon, you can have my pussy if you shave a little. Every guy would do go shave. She's really just a cunt

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>>609473515

>>609474345
This one >you see

>be maybe 13
>cousins, aunt and their kids are down for drinks and a catch up
>sitting around fire
>toddler second cousin picks up empty cardboard box that we kept the wood in
>she's tipping the left over wood chips into the fire
>I say "HA, she's emptying her box!"
>nobody responds

Still cringe about making jokes about my little cousins cunt to this day.

>>609473705
Should of fucked your teacher

>>609474468
jesus christ

>>609474559
should have* fucking idiot

<doubles

How do you guys even manage to be so fucking retarded?

>>609469974
Yeah, people are so ignorant. Blind to the subtleties of this show. I´m glad to see I´m not the only /b/tard liking this show. It has so many teachings

>>609474177
Lol

>Be Australian kid in
>one year after to the day 9/11
>being the autistic little fuck I was realized the flag at school wasn't half mast
>go to the front desk and tell them to put it half mast

fucking jews

>>609474769
I remember walking out into the lounge room and watching my mother watch the attacks, I got really excited because I thought it was a new action movie coming out.

>>609474356
Who the hell would hate someone for not accepting a sweater?

Like, the person you offer your sweater to doesn't want it? OK, maybe he / she isn't cold.

>go to kiss girlfriend for the first time
>groundhog din infront of me
>Slobber on GF from lips to neck
>fall on face and gf falls on me
fuck my life

>>609474718
Probably bait but made me respond... I can't help myself... I just hate the idea of you so much.

>one day at school
>go to bathroom in the middle of class
>for some reason (autism) remove my pants before entering stall
>guy comes in
>sees my hairy ass
>slowly goes out
>never make eye contact with him again
>he didn't tell anyone

>be 13
>one of my neighbors is an asshole and he threatened to call HOA when my dog was out leash less in my yard
>13 year old idiot me keys his car
>other neighbor tells on me
>get police called and the fuckers give me 3 days in jail
>have to strip and hand over everything at intake
>bare assed with 4 other guys
>cover myself for modesty
>made to put hands by sides
>eventually have to lift up dick and balls, pull back foreskin
>feel a semi coming in from touching my dick
>bend over and spread buttocks
>pop full boner in front of 4 guys and officers
>everyone saw and called me boner boy from then on
Damn hormones

>>609471765
What part of Pakistan are you from?

>>609475327
Reminds me of penis inspection day at school.

Another one, I just remembered
>be me, 9 or 10
>At the theatre on a school trip
>I guess Americans would know that as a,field trip?
>anyway
>My form is dismissed to use toilets
>I go in there with two other guys
>one is outright downs, the other a little bit of aspergers
>at the long urinal thing, both of them pull down their pants all the way around their anckles
>Whatthefuck.jpg
>another form from another school is just standing around, looking in awe.
>As I turn to leave, I bash butts with the downs guy
>Everyone saw
>Everyone

>>609475483
Don't even start on that

I would say the time I fucked your mom but the day you were born was way worse.

>>609475483
>penis inspection day
Dude, you got molested

>this kid in school
>always pisses me off
>reach a point of irrepressible rage
>timeforaction.jpiff
>get friends involved
>gather our smeg into pots
>assemble a flash mob
>12 of us pin him down and smear smeg on his teeth
>he barfs
>he continues for two hours because his mothers car broke down and couldn't reach him
>he turns purple from all the barf contractions
>'muh tachycardia'
>he gets a new nickname
>'dr smeg lord'
>even the teachers call it him when he's not around
>I send him christmas cards mid august addressed to dr smeg lord
>we work summer jobs just so we can hire a skywriter to spell it out in the sky outside his house
>he moves
>never see him again

>pic related, how I made him feel

LINK for dyslexic people: http://vocaroo.com/i/s0GDCMVywAOe

>>609475483
Your school had penis inspection day too?
When I transferred to another school everyone thought I was messing with them.
>doesn't know if penis is in optimal condition
Fags.

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>school field trip
>one morning in the hotel
>4 10y/o in one room
>start showing each other our small penises
>mine has foreskin like pic
>my crush walks in the room that moment
>spaghetti
from that day they called foreskin at school

I think I win the thead.

>be me
>be 6 months after drunken suicide attempt I barely remember I was so wasted.
>spent week in the hospital
>hit it off with 8/10 cutie from class
>shocked as my self-esteem is so low at this point I wouldn't have been surprised if I was on a hidden camera show and she yelled "yeah right I wouldn't hang out with a loser like you!"
>ask her to movie
>she says yes
>after movie I drop her off
>see her putting on lip balm for our impending kiss
>negative thoughts "its a waste of time anon she could never like a loser like you"
>pussy out and dont kiss her and never call her again

>>609476068
no

>>609475727
>>pic related
Anon
Come one.

>>609469974
I would snatch your girlfriend so fast. That would e cringe as fuck

>>609475727
>reading your typo out loud
but topkek. more people should vocaroo their posts.

>>609475727
Wtf is smeg?

>>609476068
Noice

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>>609476256
Oops

>>609476335
Good cheese
Very expensive

>>609469974
>MLP
>GF
>Being a rusemaster on 4chan

Pick one

>>609473451
what are you, a faggot? you must be 12 or something if this is still bothering you

>>609476402
It's a staple diet in my pokey.

>>609476335
>>609476402
It only grows under certain warmness under a skin of a phalitic tree
Be careful and don't clean it
You get the best cheese

>>609471171
>Getting BTFO by his dad for being a fag

That's the icing on the cake, kek

>>609476335
I'm gonna

>kidnap you
>submerge you in vinegar for a quarter of a century
>feed you nothing but homeless black man's toenails and burnt smeg patties
>puke straight down your throat
>mitchelinchef.exe
>smear turd all over your face and blowdry it for an impromptu facemask
>put a fishbowl over your head and vent pube smoke into it
>pampered.dll
>hire a fat sweaty african to pick his bellybutton and dispose of the entrails on your inner nostrils
>hire an ensemble of them to pick their ass and wipe it under your nose
>get them to pick their teeth and put that in your nostrils too
>politely ask them to blow snot down your earholes
>floss your teeth with remaining pubes
>fill your lower intestines with concrete so you have to barf your shit back up
>wait until the time comes
>drain the tank
>pull you out of the tank
>peel your skin off with pianowire
>eat you with a spoon from the feet up
>post on here about it
>dubs decides how I eat your eyeballs
>trips decide how I eat your genitals
>quads decide how I eat your mother
>quints decide how I eat your house

The purpose of the vinegar isn't only to pickle your flesh, but also serves to make your bones super soft and soggy. You won't be able to run, and I could loop your arms around into a knot, I could mould your head like playdough. I could contort your jaw to beavis proportions, and there's nothing you can do about it. I could feed you hot dog shit on a daily basis with no reprise. I will be seeing you soon.

Have fun in my pokey, faggot.

Link for the visually and cognitively impaired: http://vocaroo.com/i/s0WlGhYrjshF

>>609469508
Caught masturbating by whole family in great grandparents bathroom

>>609476584
>being an asshole

>>609476595
thank you for being so kind to the visually impaired :)

>>609475001
If you watched MLP I´m sure you´d know what I´m talking about and we could be very good friends.
Do hate before you try /b/ro.

>>609475635
fucking kek

>>609475000
>>609474888
>>609474933
Check´ed

>>609475727
bs

>>609474559
Life isn't one big neckbeard fantasy anon

>>609474468
Fuck me, Anon. You're a terrible person.

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> Be me in 0th grade
> Shy as fuck
> Want to piss bad during class
> illjustholditin.tiff
> can't hold it in any longer
> hold legs closed
> piss puddle begins to form in my lap
> mfw girl next to me sees the puddle
What the fuck was I even thinking

These dubs

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>12 year old autist
>Going out for recess, kid who had been bullying me all year says something about the birdseed on the blacktop
>Don't know that they used birdseed at school to absorb vomit off the ground
>"What, it's just birdseed!"
>Do a little autistic dance in it, skidding on it with my feet. Autistic moonwalk the vomit seeds
>Kid laughs at me and walks away, mentions it to me constantly for the rest of the year
>mfw I ask someone what the birdseed is during recess

>>609477357
you blind motherfucker

>>609477422
it's 4:37 in the morning

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I got kicked by a fuckin donkey on my 8th grade field trip. knocked the wind clean out of me in front of everybody. I took alot of shit over it. It was one of those little bastards. A mini horse. I got grounded by a fuckin midget horse. The girl i was crushing on didnt have lunch with me like she said she would. And I lost my weed all into my pocket so I couldnt smoke hitters. Sucks, that trip costed my folks like 30 somethin dollars and I just wanted it to be over.

>>609475001
Imma second this

>>609475727
You sound exactly the same as Lester from GTA V

>>609469508
ahh fuck i have so many... i was a stupid little shit back in the day.

>be me
>raised as good little christian kid
>in primary school (year 4 in NZ, so abt 8-9 yrs old
>school decides we need some sex ed
>barely even know what a vagina is
>whatever, we get to muck around
>get split into groups by gender and year group
>my group (about 40 of us) get sent off to the Maori classroom
>get in, seated on the mat in class
>teacher gets us all quiet
>introduces topic
>don't really understand what he's talking about
>teacher decides to ask some questions to see what we all know
>"does anyone know what an erection is?"
>oh shit nigga i know this one! Mum and i talked about this the other day in bible study
>put my hand up
>teacher: "yes, anon?"
>me: "thats when jesus came to life again right?"
>teacher looks confused for a second
>5 seconds later, loses his shit
>has to leave the class for a good five minutes
>kids all giving me weird looks
>teacher from other class next door goes out to see what our teacher is laughing about
>hear him explain between fits of laughter
>she loses her shit too
>tfw i realised years later that jesus wasnt erected from the dead

>>609475727
Shitty pasta kill yourself

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I have some pretty cringe-y moments in my life, but I can't think of many at the moment. I'll post as I remember them. For now, here's how my first kiss went down.

>been going to a private all-boys school for 3 years, now in year 10
>haven't spoken to a girl that's not family in more like 5 years
>have to learn to dance with girls from our sister school
>there's this one girl who I randomly get paired with when everyone stops moving about in large dance circles (cbf explaining better)
>she laughs at all my jokes
>has a huge-ass pimple on her head and a half 'stache, but otherwise cute
>see her at dance lessons
>formal, learn name, add on facebook, etc
>date for like 4 months
>go to see her after school one time with best friend and his girlfriend
>they're already fucking and we haven't even kissed
>been googling "how to kiss" because I am idiot 14-year-old
>trying to work up the courage to make some sort of move
>best friend's like "so, you want to kiss her?"
>"bu... wh... yea... huh?"
>"and you want to kiss him?"
>she looks down, blushes, and nods a little
>"then go on"
>we make eye contact
>I fucking lick my lips
>Google told me to
>we both laugh and look away
>ohgodwhydidIdothat
>lean in and hug
>try to half pull out of hug to line faces up
>tiny peck on lips, quickly resume tight, face-hiding hug
>friend's like "is that all?!"
>her bus arrives and she goes home

Our next kiss was like a month after that. I really loved her and everything, though. She's cute and I didn't feel rushed in our relationship. (I'm still awkward as all fuck since most relationships nowadays seem to revolve around sex.) Broke up with her because I was an idiot 15-year-old. Life's been shit ever since, but the details of that aren't important.
I guess the fact I broke up with someone so amazing is cringe-worthy.

Pic related, it's her.

>>609476789
Excuse me?

>>609477670
Who's to say I'm not?
>>609477722
No u

>be 15
>rocking on a rocking chair at grand dads
>chair leg breaks
>goes up asshole
>ambulance comes
>paramedics laugh and I hear one take a photo
went in to surgery for 4 hours when i come out it's /lgbt/ for days
>constantly called faggot by grand dad
>sometimes i shit blood

>>609477671
I can't stop laughing

moar would be great

>>609477817
You're an asshole. Probably a bro dude. Drive your super-cool Jeep off a cliff a and end your shitty life, vest tops and all.

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>be me with three friends
>9 years of le age
>dare each other to drillls part of there body
>watchthisfgts.jpeg
>drill my dick
>blood goes everwhere, i start screaming
>goes to hospital with mom
>cut skin on my dick just all
>forever have a badass scar on my dick
>feels good

>be like 10
>fat
>was hard to make new friends, unless in group
>one day be playin vidya on computer
>mom tells me to pack my shit and prepare for 10 day summer camp
>niggawut.jpg
>crying all the way til we arrive to the bus
>huge fight
>it's already paid, so mom wouldn't let me stay
>travel like 200 km with bus
>arrive at camp
>try to socialize
>fail hard, get picked on
>feeling more lonely and scared than ever
>run to the back of the living quarters
>start to cry
>call up mom on phone to take me home immediately
>refuses
>cry harder
>i notice girls giggling
>every fucking window is open at the backside of the living quarters
>half the camp listened to my bitching
>the next 10 days was so horrible i barely even remember anything other than not shitting the whole time, and being accused of stealing money.
i used to be a real fucking autismo...a bitchy one.

>>609474462
<>test

>>609477828
For real you could do his voice for some autistic fan shit and get paid, holy shit.

>>609478057
> Reproaching someone for being an alpha
People who unironically use the term dudebro (which even you couldn't fucking get right) are automatically cringe.

>>609478057
you can't fuck a cockroach with your dick, the hole is just too small

>be me
>8th grade
>always reading, fantasy lover, etc. you get the picture
>reading random book all the time
>7/10 girl comes up and asks what I'm reading
>used to this bullshit, answer with a scathing "none of your dang business"
>"Okay... fine..."
>slowly backs away from me, giving weird looks to her friends
>forever distanced from other people from school

There's many more stories... too many...

>>609469508
there was a girl who pissed herself in my second grade class @ Arlington Elementary in Newton Falls.

I will never forget what Haley Lenarsic was wearing that day...

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>pic related
Messaged an ex that I haven't talk to in 3 years. I was drunk as shit

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>>609476789
This

>me as a kid, maybe about 8 or 9
>lost my parents in the crowd at amusement park
>see my dad in the distance
>run up and hug him
>look up....its not my dad, just some geezer who looks so much alike from far away
>freak out
>punch him and run away
>niggers

>>609478057
Don't be mad because I've had more girls than you'll ever have in your lifetime. Same with the amount of money I've earned you little NEET faggot

>>609477778
Are you a sacred heart fag by any chance?

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Okay but bear with me here. It's embarrassing just typing this.

>Be me
>Be a giant asshole
>Pretty much zero frends
>New kid moves moves in partway through semester
>Jewish kid named Travis
>Decide I'm gonna be nice and make a friend for once
>We start talking and hanging out
>Pretty cool dude likes same stuff I do (skateboarding, video games, etc)
>We go to the skate park a lot
>Jewish jokes spew from my mouth in an endless stream
>Travis doesn't care and tells some too
>Best_Friends.jpg
>2 months later
>Find out he's having his Bar Mitzvah
>Apparantly his parents made him wait for his or some shit
>I get invited
>Ends up being boring as hell
>Didn't even do the chair dance
>Pissed as fuck
>After it's all over, he introduces me to the Rabbi
>Some 30 year-old washout pretending he's cool
>Never learn his name
>Apparantly Travis and the Rabbi are butt-buddies
>Find out Rabbi likes to skateboard too
>Holy shit this guy is pathetic
>Travis says the 3 of us should all go to the skate park
>"Why the fuck not?"
>Go to skate park with an adult wearing 80's gym clothes
>Brags about how he can do all these fantastic skating tricks
>Embarrased and pissed as fuck
>We climb up the side of a big-ass half-pipe
>Rabbi makes us watch him do shitty skate tricks
>He can't even pull off a decent kickflip
>Travis goes to the other side
>Rabbi shouts from the edge
>"Check out this trick, Anon!"
>Still pissed as fuck, old fag basically taunting me
>Stomp the back of his board right as he takes off
>He fucks up and falls on his neck. Passes out
>Travis calls an ambulance
>Makes me ride with the Rabbi while he runs home
>Stuck alone in the back of an ambulance with a half-dead holy man
>Pissed as fuck
>The guy suddenly opens his eyes
>Stares at me in horror
>He knows I did it
>I smile and lean in closer
>Whisper into his ear
>"Silly Rabbi, tricks are for kids!"

I don't remember it, but apparently when I was 5 years old I was in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's. Everybody was quiet.

Suddenly I looked at a complete strangerfag and said loudly, "DO YOU HAVE A BIG PENIS?"

>>609469508
>8
>use a porterloo
>no shit paper
>logic says use hand and wash in sink
>No water too
>spend the day with a shit covered hand

>

>>609478448
St Pauls. Even worse, if I remember correctly. I left at the end of year 10, so... 4 years ago? (Damn, feels weird to have been out of school two years already.)

>>609478485
>Hitler detected

>>609478263
Ehh, I'll post two more. Both girls asking me out in middle school, didn't exactly know how to respond then.

First time
>In Life Science class
>girl behind me apparently interested, no idea she was at the time
>constantly trying to get my attention etc. Just distractions from my in-head fan fictions I was writing
>eventually, she asks if I wanted to go out with her
>looks very shy at the time, face beet red
>Look at her, standing as tall as my 2nd percentile height in my age division can go
>respond with "my parents won't let me date. plus you aren't good wife material"
>sit back down, resume drawing fantasy swords next to notes
>she goes back to seat, dejected

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>>609478338
>pls respond

>>609478658
St pauls, what a shitcunt

>>609478199
>this trip will be great for my son's self-esteem, he only needs to get out more and make a few friends
>you return, curl up in a ball and cry

can't help but kek

Hello smeglets,
My name is Smeggman, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day making sure you have no smeg. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any smeggies? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own clean helmets, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than taking smeg and feeding it to a pigeon.
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much a smeg lord. I was chairman of the smegfarm alliance, and chief taste tester aswell. What shit do you farm, other than “muh dank weed”? I also get straight A’s, and have a fucking huge pot of smeg (Just inhaled some, shit was SO smegcellent). You are all smeg-free faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

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>be me 15
>start taking driving school
>first day there this qt.14 is eyeballing me throughout entire class
>second day she comes and sits next to me and we chat
>third day she gives me her number
>fourth day she's getting real flirty and starts cuddling with me
>fifth day she's literally wrapping herself around me
>just sat there sweating not knowing what the fuck to do while she had her head on my shoulder
>driving instructor didn't say shit because he probably thought it was funny as hell to watch me squirm
>sometimes she would cry on my shoulder when we watched people getting killed because of drunk drivers
>"my uncle died in a car crash anon"
>thatscool.jpg
>anyways fast forward 2 weeks
>we are waiting for parents to pick us up after class ends
>"anon I really like you"
>"I-i really l-like you too girly.."
>she smiles and leans in for kiss
>oh shit never kissed before
>I close my eyes and go in for kiss
>I end up with her nose in my mouth
>too nervous too realize what I did until she jumped back
>also I somehow managed to stick my tounge up one of her nostrils
>"d-did you just tounge my nose?"
>"yeah sorry"
>she starts hanging out with other guys in class the next day

In my defense she was like 5'2 and I was 5'8

>>609478795
Why do you think I left, ahaha. I actually got relatively popular during year 10, but now I only talk to two people I went to school with there. Everyone else turned to drugs or just became wankers. I have a few more friends from Kildare, but they had similar issues. (Druggos, yobbos, etc.)

>>609470563
You didnt get your ass kicked.
The only time i would consider someones ass kicked is if its a 1v1 and they beg for mercy or get knocked out.
Were they niggers?

>>609478485
hued/10

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>>609478722
>In-head fan fictions

>>609477836
"Chair breaks" no it didn't, me an your grandma will never forgive you for that faggot

>>609478722
Second time
>8th grade again
>this time after 8th grade graduation party
>straight up 9/10 comes up to me after the party, gives hug
>she had pretty good tits for middle school
>whispers in my ear if I wanted to go out with her
>Wanted to do this the first time, but too beta. Now's the time to unleash the pain.
>"No. Wait, hold on, ask me again"
>"Will you go out with me?"
>"No. Try asking again"
>"Really? Are you going to go out with me or not?"
>"Ehh, probably not."
>she seemed really mad about that
>storms off, tears messing up mascara


my smugness from that makes me cringe the most...

>>609478918
HOLY SHIT AHAH
Best thing I've read all day
Also, I know the feels. I'm 6'3" and every girlfriend I've had has been around 5'2" - 5'7".

>>609475727
> plot twist you are the smeglord

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Eh, not too bad when I think about worse things that could happen

>Be me
>Ausfag, year 9 or 10
>I was Quiet, basically never went out of my way to talk to anyone
>Not really picked on, but I was ignored, fine by me
>This dreadful day comes

I used to listen to music every morning on my phone out loud, no ear phones, at the time I enjoyed myself some payphone - Maroon 5
Anyways, daily routine begins, getting ready for school listening to music, but this time I forgot to actually pause/exit music, I only put the volume down.
>halfway through school day
>Begin Subject; English
>Reading time
>Shit is quiet
>Rolls around to my turn to read
>Adjust seat and prepare myself
>I was always a confident reader until now
>Accidentally bump phone while it's in my pocket
>It had to be volume
>Shit goes off, full volume reached
>Whole class looks at me, even teacher
>One popular kid says "Fucking really?"
>some chick says sarcastically "Nice music"
>Mean while I have this fucking face twitch going on while I struggle to get this thing out of pocket which on this day decided to be tighter than a clenching five year old's fucking asshole
>Panic
>After about a minute of struggle I get the job done, turn that shit off
>Face is probably period blood red by now
>Twitch has not subsided
>Everyone still looking
>Attempt to continue reading, do a pretty rusty job

from then on every fucking time I had to read out loud in front of any class my face'd go red and I'd almost choke the fuck out, shit was not cash

>>609479030
Yeah, it was mixing mostly lord of the rings and Eragon. Basically, I tried to make every fantasy book I've ever read work together. Complete with acting out the fight scenes in my room.

>>609473933
Just shave the unibrow holy shit. I suffer from a faint unibrow with my part Russian genes and shave it dailyto look normal.

>>609478260
>implies dick is bigger than a very tiny hole
You give me dudebro

>>609477778
Fucking hell you could park a jumbo jet between those teeth.

>>609469855
This happened to me so much as a kid. It was like some weird wrestling match where we never did any damage to each other and were in a constant grapple.

>>609478849
yea looking back it was pretty pathetic... But i guess it all served a good cause, it made me realize i need to work harder on my social skills, ended up being a normalfag...
Except i think i just lost both my best friends, cause i can't control my dick and my loud mouth... But that's a story for another thread...

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>>609479308
I was waiting for it. Yeah, her teeth sucked. They got better with time. She never really cared what she looked like until we began dating. Same with me.
Fuck it, time to post a picture from our first date, just so you know how goddamn cringe I was as a 14-year-old. Christ I hate young me.

>acne
>shit hairdo
>fat
>wearing tourist t-shirt even though I'm Australian
>wearing tourist t-shirt in general
>taking selfie
>taking selfie in such a way she has to lean over to be in frame properly

just
ugh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AI6vn0HHTmU#t=54

This bitch makes me cringe the fuck out

>>609479678
>Posting a picture of yourself and someone you knew on 4chan

I don't know if you're still fat but you're still definitely stupid

>decide we are going to spar in the toilets at lunch time
>me vs one of my mates
no punches to the head since we didn't have any gloves or protection
>mosquito me decides to duck to dodge an incoming punch
>thinking i had fight technique and getting punched in the face

>>609479678
Fucking chat, cunt, both of you

>>609479836
A lot can change in 4 years, especially when you're a teenager. Only reason I'm posting this is because I look nothing like that anymore.
I'm not attractive by any means, but I'm glad to be mostly rid of the acne.

>>609471171
wow ive never been in favour of suicide until now, he needs to die

>>609479154
Oh god, fuck you man, you made me remember when I did the exact same damn thing but in art class, and it was a Rihanna song

>>609479935
Ok dude that's good to hear

>>609479678
I have a sneaking suspicion you used to date super mario

>>609472309
This isn't cringe, this is just sad.

>>609479678
>christ i hate the young me

Implying youre now cool as fuck.

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>>609478964
>Were they niggers?
Pretty much. Armenians are a lot like niggers except with a much stronger persecution complex, and they also tend to look down on everyone who isn't an Armenian. Most are extremely arrogant.

>>609478156
Fuckin metal

>>609474063
how is that cringe, your just a scumbag

>>609478448
Sacred hearts a girl's school right? At least where I am

>>609479678
Post a picture of yourself now

>>609479935
Need proof. Post pic of you now.

>>609480147
>implying I'm no longer extremely cringe
Someone doesn't understand what 'average' means.

>>609480309
>>609480333
Yeah, nah, mate.

>>609477778
>>609479678
she's giving me the strangest boner. got any more pics of her?

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>Be 12 year old me
>Just starting secondary school
>About to watch a movie in class
>We're all sat on desks
>Movie starts
>Completely enveloped in it
>Some kid leans in beside me
>Instantly turn and kiss him on the cheek
>Entire class starts laughing
>Mfw I'm not even gay

>Captcha: outism

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>be me
>about 14yo, tall, good looking
>on a weeklong school trip is some shithole
>disco evening, yay
>dancing, everythingwentbetterthanexpected.
>crush invites me to dance with her
>wut
>dance with her, hands around her hips, feel alpha
>she makes some awkward bend backwards
>i let her fall on her fucking head
>she almost crying, pushes me away
>dem stares, dem laughs, we are there for another couple of days

same grill, some time before or after don't remember

>in school during a period
>i stand there with other guys chillin around
>out of fucking nowhere she stands in front of me and tries to kiss me
>i hesitate and push my head away
>"please anon"
>no, turn my head in disgust
>look around, dem semi awkward and pityful stares

>mfw it could be my first kiss
>mfw i am a 30yo fat, balding fuck and still kissless virgin
>mfw i just don't give a fuck anymore

>>609473933
have i seen this before?

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>>609480431
No proof. You still a dork bro.

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>>609480431
Here's a picture of me, now do it fatass

>>609474468
theres no shame in what you did

>>609480810
WAKING THE DEMOONNN

>>609480656
This makes me feel better about the supposed alphas I always saw in school

>>609480533
Yeah, still nah, mate.

>>609480756
>>609480810
I would if my current face wouldn't make it easy to find me. I don't trust 4chan that much.

>>609480810
Look like a grill get a fuxking haircut man.
>>609480533
Yes very much dubs indeed

>>609478918
>5'8
>kill yourself manlet

>>609480656
Lmfao fucking tragic.

>>609471765
Why is everyone running away in your story? As I imagine it, it looks like a fucking silent comedy, Benny Hill show or something. I have a feeling, that you actually have never touched a girl and just made that up

>>609481091
No one will find you because no one lives in fucking Australia

>>609475483
W-what?

>>609480656
>mfw it could be my first kiss
>mfw i am a 30yo fat, balding fuck and still kissless virgin
>mfw i just don't give a fuck anymore

Fucking lost my shit anon, hilarious ending. 11/10

>>609481109
>and I was 5'8
>I was 5'8
>was 5'8

Kill yourself weiner sucker

>>609478485
bravo

>>609478199
I imagined this being a cartoon
g

>>609479678
You ain't too bad for being fat in the pic. She a loooooooooot uglier than you.

>>609479935
stop lying

>>609481396
>5'8 at 15

dont kid yourself you cant be much taller

>>609481779
Not that guy, but I was six two. It's alright that you're a manlet, just accept it.

>>609479678
Based Adelaide
Based North Terrace

Could be worse mate, you could be in some shithole like Sydney

>>609481598
Ugly bugly

>>609474559
what, are you a fucking countryball? 9gag fag

>>609482144
The shitty thing about Adelaide is that nobody really comes here, though. I saw the Stones when they came, but none of my favourite bands come. They come to Melbourne, Sydney, and sometimes fucking Darwin, but not Adelaide.

>>609482374
fuck that. Adelaide has the best hip-hop scene in australia. embrace that shit

>be me
>be 15
>not completely beta, but close
>have female friends, not attracted to them
>walking down the hall to get some smarties and nestea
>those friends call me over and introduce to a girl, whatever, chick is hot but i don't really want a relationship, so i don't make any advances
>chat for a bit, leave for the cafe
>come to class, girls tell me that i am a retard, they were trying to get us(me and the girl) a date
>agree that i am a retard
>fastforward the day, me having a boner almost all throughout it
>cue the bells ringing and everyone running to the lockers
>i have to go with a train, so i just sit around for ~20 minutes
>see the girl walk to a locker
>muster all my balls, walk up
>spaghetti spills out of my pants
>literally can't muster a single word, not even a hi, she just sits there smiling
>go home
>cry myself to sleep

I couldn't talk to a girl i knew fucking liked me, wow i was a fucking faggot hahaha

>17 years old
>awkward beta but somehow make friends with a girl
>somehow end up sticking my hands up her shirt and fondling her tits
>she doesn't make
>full beta autismo mode kicks in
>I lean over to kiss her
>can't do it
>ohshitohshit what to do
>say "I really want to play chess right now" in my most seductive voice possible
>everything is ruined

>>609471765
Virgin detected

>>609480533
>>609480533
What the fuck? She is the ugliest piece of feces I have ever seen on /b/ ever. What the fuck man?

Alright here we go.

>be me, 14 year old beta
>always trying to show how cool i am to the ladies in fucking grade 9
>hot gril im digging i hear is in the school musical
>i know they rehearse in the afternoons at the hall
>see her in (at the time) casual clothes that made her look fucking cash
>itsmytimetoshine.jpg
>think of something quickly
>"oh hey, theres a carpark nearby, its the end of the day so i better chase a moving car"
>betamode activate
>whole group of autismo musical students and hit gri standing on grass
>some teachers car pulls out, and i begin to chase it
>my arms are outstretched to show of my big muscles
>this will get me a bj
>i turn around and everyone is cheering me on
>"how in the fuck?"
>car suddenly stops
>face goes straight into back windscreen with a big thud
>i fall backwards
>laughing begins from the 40 something drama fags
>never get that bj from hot grill

I didn't speak to anyone at school for a month

mom caught me sucking my own dick....

>>609482628

Thankfully puberty continued and roughly 6 months later got laid by different chick.

>>609482642
I really want to play chest right now

>>609482642
Oh god

>>609482016
I lol at fucking manlets like you. Too bad you'll never reach 7 foot like me. I was your fucking adult height at the age of 12 you manlet.

That I had more sexual contact with boys then girls between age of 5 - 13

>>609471765
>12 yo
you'd think the raging hormones at this age would make you more savage than this. Jesus anon...

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>>609469508
>be me
>few days ago it was my birthday
>wake up later than usual
>dad comes home and hands me a gift
>"uh thanks"
>give him a hug and he says happy birthday as I walk upstairs
>"Yeah, uh happy birthday to you too"
>mfw

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Not really autism, just painful memories
>5th grade
>be awkward, fat, pretty ugly kid
>taking a ballroom dancing class, everybody in my school does it
>guys have to ask girls for a dance
>I just go down the line and ask every girl
>every. single. girl. says no
>most start waving their hands in "Don't ask me" motions before I even approach
>have to dance with instructor

Honestly I didn't even feel bad about it at the time, it wasn't until years later that the cringe registered.

>>609482945
Fucking midget bitch, you'll never reach the glorious mater race of 9 feet tall

I'm literally swarmed in pussy ery day ery day

>>609482979
That's how it is with most kids that age

>>609469508
>Liked girl for months
>Girl liked me too at one point
>Waited too long to ask her out
>She rejected me
>I still see that bitch everyday because I've got to sit next to her at college
>Embarrassing as fuck

>>609480810
Jarhed Leto is that you ?

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I think it's worse if you have a bunch of cringy memories that are so generic, they're not even worth posting

>>609483395
Actually im not too sure you're right, I actually think that you're just a faggot

>>609483469
>>609483469
Yea man

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What's his name?

>be me
>gayden loves traps
>So do i
>Not relly
>teech me 2 internet pls
>daved

>>609483539
Stop talking for me cunt

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>>609478485
>mfw this never happeend

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>be me having a horny fucking rabbit
>thinking of allowing it to cum once on my hand (with something in between ofc)
>the rabbit going at it as fuck
>mom walks in and just stands and stares at me and the rabbit

fml I didn't want to live that day

pic related

her reaction

Aight, so basically
>Me, 14 years old, no self esteem or any of that shit only a 3/10 at most
>Staying at my cousins place for 3 weeks (same age)
>Cousins 10/10 friend is staying for a week
>Watching horror movies at night
>Snuggles up to me and we start cuddling
>fastforward to after the movies are over
>cousin is asleep
>friend & i are spooning
>first time i've ever actually been so close to a girl
>betaasfuck.jpg
>she moves my hands onto her tits
>she moves them under her bra
>she takes one of my hands and puts them in her undies
>i pull out of there instantly
>"Its late & im tired, we should probably sleep"
>she cuddles up to me i kiss her on the forehead
>not just a peck, it was sloppy as fuck
>i go sleep on the couch
>lol i fucked up my only chance to actually get with a hot as fuck girl.
>turns out all of my cousins friends that i talk to end up having a thing for me
>go home and never tell any of my friends that i got to feel tits
basically i fucked up my only chance in a long time of losing my virginity & kissing a girl.

>18th birthday
>family organise dinner at some fancy restaurant
>my fam and I get there and grandparents and aunty/uncle are already seated
>wog family routines
>hug and kiss everyone
>aunty says "happy birthday, anon"
>i reply "you too"
>don't know what to do with my hands as we just hugged
>she laughs, "i know what you mean"

>>609483527
A lot of boys don't sleep with girls until they've experimented.

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i love hearing about how guys ruined their one chance to kiss/feel/fuck a chick knowing i've fucked 40+ 8/10s and higher

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>housemate invites Canadians to stay at our house
>cool guy and qt 8/10 girl
>thought they were dating
>girl invites me on their travels, on holidays so why the fuck not
>notice she is being kind flirty
>notice he leaves us alone together a lot
>discover they are actually cousins just travelling together
>activatecharmmode.exe
>flirt heaps back and forth during the week
>show them the cool places around my country
>few days later they're going camping, they invite me along
>whilst packing I put two condoms in my bag
>later move it from my suitcase to a jacket pocket I left floating in the boot
>first night camping
>drink lots of goon
>datcanadianaccent.png
>super flirty
>super touchey
>all pass out together in tent
>next morning go camping some more, buy more goon, drink, pass out together
>drive back home
>unpacking car
>grab some shit, take it indoors, they grab most of the rest
>come back and all that's left is my jacket and condoms had fallen out
>she was just at the boot walking past me
>mfw they probably saw it, guessed my game
>spaghettifuckingeverywhere.doc
>go inside, take shower, come back out pretending nothing happened
>literally spaghetti for the rest of the night, game all lost
>she left the next morning

mfw I missed out on plowing some qt Canadian
mfw I was 23 lol confidence never came with age

gettin a spanking from my mother and got hit right in the balls...

father wanted 2 make sure the family jewels were ok...

made me pull down my pants....

poop in my pants...

penis ok

but got 2 beatings for shitting my pants

>>609473705
Did not happen

>>609482797
cringed

>>609477778
>Kings College?

>>609484304
kek

>>609484304
that's pretty fuckin funny

>>609484228
ikr

>>609484065
Whatever helps you condensate for your gay experiences anon

>>609484304
lel

>>609484228
>Pretending to be alpha on 4chan

Thank you for contributing some content to this thread

>>609475727
This did not happen Either.

>>609484065
Spot the gay man

>>609483365
Bitch you'll never reach the 12 feet master race, midget bitch. I'm literally drowning in pussy, I'm getting a BJ right now as I type this.

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omg

>>609479678
Good on u anyway mate.

>>609484762
WANNA FUCKING BET???

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>>609484661
>condensate

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>Reading thread
>topkeks.jpg
>Decide to fap and tab out
>watching porn
>find amazing video
>fap furiously, getting close to climax
>Autismo kicks in, decide to stand up while cumming
>Fucking cum all over fucking laptop keyboard
>cum in every where under keys and on screen
>realise how dumb that idea was.
>mfw I actuallyhave something relevant to post

>>609484902
Fuk you I'm in my hollywood hills condo my head poking out my skylight fucking a 10/10 pornstar and lingerie model, got another one tongueing my anus as we speak, bitches will never know what it's like to be 15 foot and alpha

>>609484750
lol wtf? are you seriously this depressed? fucking an hero you little bitch

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>around age 10
>class is sitting in a circle, we take turns saying interesting things about ourselves
>shit, have to make something up
>say I've been to 40 different countries
>asked to list them all
>panic
>say spain atleast 10 times
>mfw

>be me
>be 19
>betaoverlord
>hook up with qt 7/10 girl with petite body
>been a long time since i had a gf
>she comes over someday to stay at my place
>make out but too beta to fuck her because i was embarrassed for not shaving dick and balls
>forward a week
>sunday morning i am in the bathroom shaving my balls and dick
>gf planned to come over later
>calls me while i am shaving balls, nearly finished
>tells me she can't visit me this day have to deal with some shit with her parents
>instant rage
>tell her to fuck herself
>never talked to her again

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>be 16 years old
>going to Europe for rugby so we had a practice match against an older side
>Arrived late
>middle of the game, tackled this short guy who was running weirdly
>no one else went for the tackle and I just put all my weight into it
>He starts rolling round on the ground making weird noises
>Turns out before the game we were told he had mental issues and we were to go easy on him
>see him on sideline yelling and gibbering at people about the "bad man"
>mfw I'm the bad man
>mfw he was my principle's brother

>>609485252
Fuck you say nigga? As I type this, 4 women are blowing me(Shit is literally cash) after this I'm definitely getting that foursome. If only you were a part of the 25 foot master race.

>>609477671
>erected from the dead
This is fucking gold

>>609485466
>>609485252
Look at those two faggots, you can almost touch the sexual tension between them

>>609485374
If you think "Yeah I've banged 40 HBBs" is a remotely believable statement for a 4chan user then you're the one who needs to become an hero

>>609483577

moot?

I was 21. She was 18. My friends little sister i had a big crush on. My friend had a big party and booked out a hall for the night and it was a formalwear party. I wore a suit and she a pretty dress. I asked her to dance but it was a ballroom so we had to dance all fancylike. I had a hand on her waist and the other in her hand and we danced for a while. after looking into eachothers eyes for a while i look down at thr floor and notice i was fully erect. Thank god the lights were off but goddamn i was embarrased. A 21yr old having an involentary erection like a 10yr old. she didnt see it thank god but fuck i cringe whenever i think about it.

>>609485466
>25 feet

TOP KEK, didn't know midgets were that short, 100 foot masterace here, literally have a line outside my New York building 5 miles long filled with only the hottest bitches from around the world, right now as I type this I have 15 girls all fighting to lick the dingleberries out of the hair on my ass

>>609475115
little over excited to shit, huh?

>>609485827
What's it like being a manlet? I got bitches climbing me just to admire my aesthetic facial features, feelsgoodman.jpg, bitches be going crazy for my mile long cock, im fawkin zeez brah