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Met hot blonde girl on Tinder, pin-up style girl, turns out she
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Met hot blonde girl on Tinder, pin-up style girl, turns out she is also a semi-legit model into that whole scene, into Pinterest/fashion/blogs, etc...

Go out for drinks, she is a little vain, but not too bad, doesnt just talk about herself the whole time, interested in cooking and nature, etc - very strange and awkward, like she was transported out of the 40's, but is fun and enjoyable to be around.

Go on a second date. More of the same, she wears vintage clothes and has her own style and way of speaking "Oh golly" "Well, I should hope so!" things like that. kind of lame, but not too over the top.

go on another date, at this point, just really more as friends. more of the same, fun, but eh, whatever.

then i dont see her or hear from her in a few weeks, dont think much of it.

get random text "hey im in town today for job interview, want to get a beer?"

get beers, its fine, just the usual.

then she mentions that she smokes weed, and i was kind of surprised by that.

CONT.
>>
you got my interest op
>>
>>605975038
Monitoring
>>
CONT.

I mention that I dont really smoke, but i enjoy getting high every few month or so.

By this point, we are few drinks in, but still pretty sober, and she offers to get me high at her apt, about 20 minutes away.

Up until this point, we had only ever gotten drinks/dinner, hadnt even held her hand or anything, in my head, we were strictly friends..
>>
tell us about her dick
>>
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>OP
>>
CONT.

I have to be up to meet with client early next day, but getting high sounds fun, so I agree, and we drive there separately.

I have to pee, so Im driving super fast, forgetting that I wont be able to get in until she gets there anyway.

I get there before she does and have to pee so badly that I just pee next to her apartment, which, felt amazing.

Back to the story.

She arrives, we head in.

CONT.
>>
CONT.

we go up to her place, she gives me a mini tour and she packs a bowl.

we smoke, i forget what a lightweight i am, and im super high after like 3 big rips.

she is showing me her modeling work, which is super hot, and seeing them is kind of reminding that she probably has a smoking hot body under these vintage clothes...

more showing of books/crafts/Pinterest shit

CONT.
>>
CONT

She invites me to her balcony where we have a few J's and chit chat a bit

We somehow get onto topic of each other's past relationships

Asks if I'm seeing anyone. I tell her no. I ask her if she's seeing anyone and she says "Well kinda" and a gives me a weird smile

>disishighskewlshit.png
>>
>>605977112
Still monitoring OP
>>
>>605977362
IM THE REAL OP BITCH

>inb4 spaghetti
>>
She has like five husbands doesnt she
>>
>>605977362
same here
>>
CONT.

im now high, but still pretty sure ill be sleeping on the couch, she is not really coming onto me, and honestly, I wasnt super interested in trying. she was hot, but so awkward that I was not sure she had even had sex before.

was just kind of ready to be high and fall asleep.

i tell her "take me somewhere and put me to bed", which I find is a nice "ball's in your court" phrase.

she says "Ok." grabs my hand and leads me into her room, asks if i need anything, hands me new toothbrush (classy) and starts getting ready for bed.

i cant wear clothes to bed, just boxer briefs, and i kind of half apologize to her for this, as she brushes her teeth and changes into what i assume will be flannel PJ's or something

CONT.
>>
inb4 dinosaur
>>
Please no dinosaur OP.
>>
>>605977640
inb4 its a trap
>>
BOOM! She's got a huge dick!
>>
you got raped by her and you are actually a ghost
>>
CONT.

we get cozy in bed. i still thought of us as friends

she grabs my junk and says to me this

"im gonna need about tree fiddy"

it was at this time i realized she was an 8 story tall crustacean from the paleolithic era

that god damn loch ness monster got me again
>>
dunno why ppl still find dinosaurs funny
>>
OP PLEASE CONTINUE
>>
CONT.

i get into bed, waiting for her, and she comes out in white tanktop and lace black panties, and doesnt seem too shy about it.

at this point, im kind of thinking something might happen, but still in "snuggle friends" mode. again, she is super innocent and shy and awkward and like an extra from Back To The Future dance scene.

CONT.
>>
>>605978259

oh fuck u
>>
GOD DAMN DINOSAUR
>>
type the whole fucking story up before you post next time OP
>>
thank god. that wasnt op
>>
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>>605978259
>>
CONT.

>>605978291

when she jumps into bed, she immediately nuzzles up to me, no effort needed on my part.

we chat more, about the mountains nearby, about weed, about food, about art, about books.

i decide that i should probably kiss her.

CONT.
>>
>>605978259
I love this
>>
CONT.

A plane hit the apartment.

The end
>>
CONT.

I'm not an ugly dude, pretty average face/body/slightly above average dick, but i make up for that be being pretty good in bed, it sounds dumb, but i just pay attention to what women want, and then i do that.

each time, ive learned from the last woman, and i just stack those things up. pretty easy.

so i kiss her on the mouth, then pull away and start kissing down her neck and arms.

CONT.
>>
CONT.

i lean in for the kiss. she accepts my lips as we begin to suckle

we then start to get a little frisky. she starts grabbing my crotch and caressing it

im gently holding her boobs and unclip her bra

i go to reach her panties and i feel a lump

it was then i pulled teh covers off and saw that this "woman" had a penis

IT WAS LARGER THAN MINE@!!
>>
>>605978673
Good movie
>>
Continue...
>>
>>605979354
and thats a problem?
>>
inb4 dinosaur
>>
CONT

I sucked her while she fingered my asshole.

/fin
>>
CONT.

I test the waters and kiss the middle of her chest, brushing my hand over her tiny tits, she moans.

Good sign.

I work her nipple on one side out of her shirt and swirl my tongue around it. I can hear her breathing quickly now, almost panting.

Good sign.

CONT.
>>
>>605979555
This
>>
Op is gigantic, trap fucking, nigger loving, pedophilic, asshole licking, cumwad and I want to fukcing kill him
>>
>>605979666
>>605979555
checkd
>>
>>605979666
This
>>
>>605979721
Seconded
>>
>>605979555
>>605979666
>you're fucking faggots
>>
CONT.

i lean in for the kiss. she accepts my lips as we begin to suckle

we then start to get a little frisky. she starts grabbing my crotch and caressing it

im gently holding her boobs and unclip her bra

i go to reach her panties and i feel a lump

I start to rub the lump but it becomes all sticky and wet

i bring my hand up and look at my fingers,

there's yellowy-white gunk and brown/black flecks on it

I pulled off the covers and ripped her panties off

She had stuffed about fifty dead house spiders into her cunt
>>
CONT.

she said she wanted more

good sign

she began to rub her body against mine with pleasure

good sign

she was moaning

good sign

she showed my the stock market from the paper.

oh, autism awareness stocks up 3 percent

good sign

she showed me a picture of a sign

good sign

CONT.
>>
CONT.

I get her shirt off, and pin her arms over her head. she moans.

im kissing around her nipples, barely making contact with them.

i can see her legs shaking.


Notes on her body:

face 10/10: she could be a model, she is a model

tits 8/10: she is tiny, very small A's but amazing nipples. i really enjoy most boobs, so i appreciate them, but they are tiny, almost flat.

ass: 7/10 nice and round for being such a tiny woman

pussy: wow, just wow.

CONT.
>>
>>605975038
Liar.
>>
>>605980082
sides
>>
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>>605978259
>>
>>605980126
Pics
>>
CONT.

She died from my massive black cock impaling her to orgasm.
>>
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>>605980126

>tits
>8/10
>tiny, almost flat

autismspeaks.org
>>
CONT.

Lolll. Fuck, you guys are actually making me want to end this with dinosaur, but im not a huge faggot, so im going to try to finish.

At this point she is just in her panties, leg spread on the bed while im on top, making out with her tits.

I run a finger down her tummy and slowing over her panties, she is soaking wet through her panties.

i slip a finger in, no objections, and she is fucking gushy as FUCK. never felt a girl this wet before.

im very happy with this.

i tell her "im going to eat your dripping pussy now." which felt good to say after all the 40's jargon.

CONT.
>>
>>605980676
worse he is an autistic nigger see:
>>605980646
>>
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>>
Tfw when dick isn't as big as that tard's
>>
>>605980676
It scares me that you had that saved
>>
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>>605980082
>>
>>605980923
yeah I also have a saved photo of you, I bust my nut to almost daily anon...
>>
Fucking people these days

>pretype
>>
>>605980923

it worries me that you think a flat chest is worthy of an 8/10.
>>
CONT.

then she died
>>
>>605978259
kek
>>
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>>605980082
MFW This post
>>
CONT.

I reach my hand into her panties and start rubbing her warm cunt. She's basically out of breath now and begging for me to keep going. Her nipples start to swell up too. I pinch then slightly and her back arches.

Were both gyrating now and my cock starts running against her wet pussy. I slowly put it in and she moans in her light voice.

I'm about to start fucking her when she puts her hand on my chest and pushes me away slightly. She says "you should know something".

She turns on her lamp and points to her bedroom door. There's nothing so I look back.

She's now made of solid stone and has snakes crawling all over her solid body. I look down. My cock is partially inserted into her rocky cunt.
>>
CONT.

I go down on her.

Super fucking clean, so good, so fucking good.

Shaved, and clean, and delicious, salty, sweet, incredible.

Guys that wont eat pussy have never eaten good pussy. This was one of the best i had ever eaten.

CONT.
>>
>>605981300

eh, i was just saying that when i comes to boobs, im not picky, if they are of age, obvi.
>>
>>605981830

I go down on her for like 45 minutes, she cant take it anymore and i crawl up and make out with her for a few minutes. something hot about a girl tasting her own pussy.

FINAL POST COMING UP
>>
>>605981830
You married her right OP?
>>
CONT.

I keep sucking and licking her sweet little pussy.

She starts to thrust her hips upward and squeeze my head with her thighs.

Her thighs are like a vice. I'm utterly trapped in her gap. Suddenly, teeth sprout from her vagina and engulf my head.

Then, her cervix sprays my face with a vaginal dissolving fluid of sorts. My face melts off and she devours my lifeless body.
>>
Fuck, I'm going to be pissed if this doesn't end in spaghetti or some shit
>>
>>605982243

CONT.

I already came and she gets upset and kicks me out...
>>
>>605980063
faggots get trips you don't
>>
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This thread got derailed so bad lmao
>>
>>605982366
Vagina Dentata, what a terrible phrase!
Vagina Dentata, ain't no passin' craze!
It means no wiener for the rest of your days...
Anesthesia-free
Vasectomy
Vagina Dentata!
>>
This is why we need IDs back
>>
CONT.

After I get done eating her out, I look at her in the eyes.

I say "m'lady" and excuse myself from her bed.

I put on my trenchcoat and fedora and nod to her before silently and swiftly exiting her room.

I leave her a note reading "m'lady, I was delighted to indulge in sophisticated and enlightened conversation. Atheists like us are superior. I never understood why women go with those uneducated jerks and assholes when men like me treat you with respect.

Sincerely: The White Knight"
>>
>>605982942
You got me.
>>
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>>605982942
Kek every time
>>
She is not totally naked and dripping wet, body shaking and totally turned on.

And this is what I just didnt expect, and why you cant judge a hot girl by her vintage clothes:

She then works her way down my body, kissing as she goes, and then proceeds to fucking deepthroat my entire slightly above average sized cock, which at this point is rock hard.

im fucking blown away.

i was expecting bad handjob or maybe mediocre BJ, but this girl was incredible.

this tiny blonde pinup girl was sucking my cock to the hilt, no hands, and loving it, gagging, moaning, and drooling as she choked on my cock.

i could barely believe it, it was getting the best head of my life from this girl.

i held back cumming for as long as i could, before i exploded in her mouth.

i came harder than ive cum in ages, and she kept going, cum pumping out of my balls down her throat.

she went on for another 20 seconds, looked up, and swallowed.

i was speechless, laid there, not really knowing what to say.

we snuggled up and went to bed.

was tired all day today at work.

probably wont see her again, but totally fucking worth it.

END
>>
>>605983087
top kek
>>
>>605983533
not even mad.
>>
>>605975038
>pinup style girl
Bitch was a cartoon?
>>
>>605983533
Why the fuck wouldn't you see her again nig nog? Do you think blowjobs like that grow on trees?
She's like a fucking unicorn. You hold onto that shit.
>>
>>605983533

And you didn't fuck her?

I hate you.

Still love you though.
>>
>>605984018

Eh, she is just to awkward and tries a bit to hard at the whole retro for me, but yeah, this is the first time that a blowjob has had me interested in a relationship lol...
>>
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>>605978259
>>
>>605984108

No, no, i fucked the living shit out of her, but i was losing the crowd so i jumped to the blowjob.
>>
Where do you live OP? Also any pics of girl?
>>
>>605983533
well written but isnt me, guys

CONT.

she is shaking and wet, almost as if she is anxious for something

i rub my cock head on her clit

she moans in pleasure my cock is soaked in seconds

i stick it inside of her, slamming into her cervix

she lets out a mighty roar!

it was at this time i realized she was an 8 story tall crustacean from the paleolithic era. that god damn loch ness monster fooled me again!!!

END
>>
>>605984229
I stayed with a chick for three years because the head was so cash. And her parents were wealthy. I miss that throat.
Thread replies: 93
Thread images: 11

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