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I don't have too many weird interactions happen to me as I'm usually the one who does the weird shit.

>Be drinking at the bar with two friends
>Guy bumps into me at our table
>Comes back and apologizes
>Tell him it's okay and offer him a seat
>Drink more shots
>Conversation
>He loudly declares he hates faggots
>Lean in. squint my eyes, lower my voice
>"I thought maybe you wanted to get high and fuck"
>BroRage.wav
>"Seriously, the way you hit on me was pretty subtle; you must be really experienced and I like that."

Basically, the dude lost his shit after that and was threatening me while my buddies dragged me away laughing maniacally. I bet he still talks about the time he "almost kicked a faggot's ass at the bar." The best part is that I'm not even remotely homosex.

More weird shit I've done:

>Be 2009, in Majorca, Spain
>Walking towards Magaluf because hookers and day drinking.
>Someone driving past calls me a Nazi
>I'm tall and had a shaved head
>Get pissed
>Take off heavy ass watch
>Summon strength of 10,000 retards
>Hurl watch through the window of the offending vehicle.
>Smash puny Euro glass and tiny man in the face
>Cops on bikes come
>I explain, they let me go
>Skip away like a school girl smoking a Cuban cigar.

I should have gone to jail for that, but I think they were just more interested in getting the tourist on his way(me).

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Bump for interest.

I have two that come to mind, bumping in meantime

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Okay, this one was pretty strange, but I was a teenager and most things were strange then.

>Be 2002
>Be 17 and sell weed
>A neighborhood girl of significant height and girth wants to smoke The Pot
>1st time smoking, is nervous
>I load up some white widow into a pistol grip bong; show her how to use it.
>Nowwewait.png
>Bitch looks likes a bizarro world version of Annie The Orphan.
>Red fro, giant hambeast body, 6'2
>She rips the bong, let's it get milky as fuck.
>Clears it.
>Hambeast rage mode engages
>Vacant look in her eyes, arms outstretched
>Racing at me, catches me
>Grabs me by my throat and slams me into wall
>Start kneeing at genitals, meeting only resistance from gut cunt protective measures
>Grab tit and twist hard
>Hambeast rage contained

Those were strange times of my life, but I'll probably never admit to almost getting choked out by a giant fat bitch again. To this day, I still have no idea why she freaked out like that.

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>>603595718

>>603597856
really strange, she must have some severe mental probs

>Be about 15/16 at the time
>Hanging around with friends
>Pretty sheltered life so stuff can catch me off pretty easily
>Can't be more than about 5,8 at the time
>Walking with a group of friends past a church situated in a kind of "back street" area
>Pretty much no one around other than us, very infrequent traffic
>6,2 Irish sounding guy strolls on up to us wearing a trench coat
>Stops abruptly in front of us and makes a point of looking to the church
>Turns to us and we all kind of stand there in silence for a moment
>"Excuse me brothers, do any of you have a phone I could borrow? I need to confess some stuff. Y'know?"
>Everyone is giving reasons as to why they can't
>I say nothing
>One of my friends says "Oh, anon has a phone" and there's a choir of agreement from my friends
>Group of friends parts like Moses and the parting of the red sea
>He strolls up to me and looms over, definitely invading my personal space at this point
>Friends have slowly backed off and are now walking away
>He asks me again if I have a phone
>My phone was legitimately out of charge but I didn't want to get stabbed
>"I don't, no... Sorry. Can I help with something else?"
>He puts his hand on my shoulder
>"Do you happen to know the number for the Reverend?"
>whythefuckwouldIknowthis.jpg
>"Um... Sorry. I don't... Maybe someone in town would know?"
>still has hand on my shoulder- comes closer to me
>"Well. Thanks for you time, brother. I'll find a way to confess my sins."
>Pushes me aside, not enough to be considered aggressive, as he strolls off.

Was not happy that I had just been left, as when I looked where my friends were, they had walked about 40-50ft off down the road and were grouped up occasionally looking at me as I walked toward them.

Was definitely unnerved through all of that. They guy wasn't giving off a good vibe at all.

These are all me:

>>603595718
>>603596530
>>603597856

So, I'll keep going.

2008, Oceanside, California:

>Be walking back to hotel room and see hot brown woman standing on balcony overlooking the pool.
>She waves, I wave, ask what she's doing tonight and a fat white man steps out onto the balcony.
>Answers for her, "we're just partying, you should come up."
>Whynot.exe
>Hot Flip woman, fat white husband and fat white male friend
>An hour or so goes by, free booze
>Flip bitch shows me a tattoo above her snatch; LBFM
>Little Brown Fucking Machine
>husband says I can fuck her if I want, but he gets to watch
>I'm with it.
>Fuck Asian woman stupid, bust many nuts in her mouth
>Particularly willing and virile at 22 I was, Yoda
>Do this for a few hours, now 1AM
>She's done, I'm done and cuck is all worked up over watching me pound his wife
>Leave room. go back to my room, get black out drunk, wake up in a puddle of my own piss.
>Stole her panties

There's something of a postscript with this incident because I ended up running a massive train/gangbang on her with about 10 or 11 other dudes a month later. Shit was glorious.

>>603598949
2nd one was quite similar.

>Be several months after this incident
>Go to store with friend and friend's dad
>me and my friend looking to buy a game
>I'm looking to get Final Fantasy XIII
>I pick up the box and start reading the back
>Turn to say something to my friend and, again, am faced with a large man standing over me
>He's sort of watching me intently while my friend and friend's dad are on the other side of him
>The guy speaks "So. Looking to get Final Fantasy, hm?"
>"I suppose so, I'm just looking at the moment, I gu-"
>"Yeah, its supposed to be a good game. You should get it. You could get something else, though."
>Look past the guy to my friend and friend's dad and he just gives me a look that reads "This guy is fucking weeeirrdd." and then slowly walks off
>My friend just looks at me like "Well we had a good run as friends, I'll come to your funeral"
>This guy keeps talking to me and I try to pass it off as him being friendly
>He keeps cutting me off when I reply and moves slowly closer
>He then just walks off without saying anything and straight out of the store
>Wasn't fucking happy, once again, about my friends
>Told him he was a cunt
>Didn't say anything to his dad

>>603595718
Kek'd and I turd torpedoed the porcelain factory to this.

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Literally happened to me on a country road once. they waited until our cars were positioned like this on the road and then sped in between us as fast as they fuckin could instead of waiting. seriously wtf

>>603595718
>LOL ITS JUST A PRAK BRO IM NOT GAY

>be in Africa, Tanzania with family as a kid
>eating chocolate,
>group of child niggers come by and stare at my chocolate
>give them one of the bars
>they start punching eachother
>biggest one gets the chocolate and eats it
>Ask for a pen
>they take it and run
>run to a fucking coca cola stand (yes they have those
>trade in pen for can of coke

>be in Egypt
>sandnig taxi driver asks my parents if he can buy my 10 y/o sister for 7 chickens and a goat (or something like that)

>this kid in school
>always pisses me off
>reach a point of irrepressible rage
>timeforaction.jpiff
>get friends involved
>gather our smeg in pots
>assemble a flash mob
>12 of us pin him down and smear smeg on his teeth
>he barfs
>he continues for two hours because his mothers car broke down and couldn't reach him
>he turns purple from all the barf contractions
>'muh tachycardia'
>he gets a new nickname
>'dr smeg lord'
>even the teachers call it him when he's not around
>I send him christmas cards mid august addressed to dr smeg lord
>he moves
>never see him again

>pic related, how I made him feel

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>>603600614
also this.
>halloween
>sisters house, her and other family was handing out candy, standing in living room bringing empty plastic bag for whatever
>wierd guy who looks not right in the head sticks his head in the door and says hey you, nice bag
> beforre i can react hes running back down the side walk fuckin full sprint
>mfw

>>603600728
you ever miss her?

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>>603600856
Pic related

>>603598949
Reminds me of a couple of weeks ago

>walking on sidewalk with gf
>going to get pizza
>standing outside making up our minds
>guy stops next to us and says hi
>uh hi
>picture a 28 year old /b/tard with about $100 to his name
>hey anyone of you got your phone on you?
>yeah what for?
>oh I need to call the person that lives upstairs (pizza place right next to apartments)
>you can hold the phone if you're sketchy about it
>no it's fine
>hand him phone
>he calls the person upstairs, puts on speakers because of wind
>they start having a conversation about what a screw up he is, money, and the bank
>person is appearantly his sister
>hands me phone, thanks me
>stands outside for 15 min (we got out pizzas and headed home)
>sister lets him in

Not that bad, just odd

>>603601107
No she's a bitch

>>603599500
>>603595718
>>603596530
>>603597856


More adventuring:

2010, Carrefour, Haiti:

>Be Marinefag; infantryfag
>Get sent on Op Unified Response
>Earthquake destruction of Voodoo people
>Expecting Blackhawk down shit
>Carry massive amounts of non-lethals and ammo, more than I ever carried in Afghanistan.
>Get on Osprey, fly to sugar cane field and set up 360 security
>Look up from the prone position, see Haitian
>Haitian wear Seattle Seahawks 2005 Superbowl Champs shirt; Steelers won that year.
>Wearing nothing else
>Giant Haitian cock spinning like a propeller in the rotorwash of the helo
>Get up, move my A-gunner to my position instead.
>A gunner was Catholic, virgin, didn't enjoy homo things.
>Make him look at nigger dick for lulz and "security" purposes.

There's a lot of weird shit that happened in Haiti. but they were mostly interested in marrying white dudes, wanted us to take over the country and really, really wanted to see our dicks. Which is really a shame because AIDS is rampant there.

>Roommate owns (and wears) "thinking helmet"


... The end

>>603594533
she seems autistic in that picture

>>603601762
alright guy we get it, you're a wild and crazy man, you been all over the world and fucked tons of exotic women and weird shit ensued. we get it

lets hear what other people have to say

>Be with friends in college bar
>Frail thin awkward friend we call 'Pickle' because obviously
>Shooting pool and wasting time mid afternoon
> In walks Mr American jack hammer opperator.
> Mr America is 6'6" wearing a flag bandanna and has arms bigger than Pickle.
> Obviously he is super friendly and joins us. Drinking and shooting pool.
> "Hey Pickle, don't fuck that shot up" gets called out
> Mr America walks over and puts one big arm around Pickles shoulder and quietly asks...

'Are you sweet or are you dill?'

> pindrop.wav
> Mr America laughs, we laugh
> Finish drinks and go separate ways

>>603600626
But anon, it was just a prank. One that any person who is sure and confident in their sexuality could just laugh off. Its people like you who in fact make us laugh, because its your own insecurities you project when you proclaim others are faggots.

>Few months ago
>Walking home
>There's a long patch of grass and trees with two roads either side
>decide to walk down the middle
>Man sat under a tree, dressed really weird with random items scattered around him
>he smiles at me and holds up 3 fingers
>get a vibe from him
>decide to approach to ask for a spare rizzla
>He immediately says, "Ahhh, I see what you're trying to do, let me explain" (polish accent)
>Sat with a complete random stranger for an hour as he tells me about myself and how I can be a better person
>knows exactly what I'm going through
>Tells me the answer to all my problems is to stop thinking
>He was right
>He could also tell the time without a clock
>Told me secrets to the Universe
>Said he was 40
>Looked about 26

Said he was a traveler and we'll meet again when the time is right

Haven't seen him since

This is actually a cat interaction but i remember it:

>be in college living in apartment
>building is 4 stories tall and every apartment has the same layout as the ones above and below it.
>I'm drunk at a friend's apartment on another floor at a party
>decide to get something from my place
>leave and walk to other side of building, go up stairs to my floor.
>go to my apartment door and go inside
> wtf is happening, someone changed my stuff
>apartment layout is the same but all the stuff is different. Different table, different couch.
>there is a cat laying on the floor in the middle of the room.
>it looks up and looks at me.
>I look at the cat.
>our eyes lock
>me: wtf is this cat and wtf is happening
>cat: wtf is this guy and wtf is happening
>for an instant, we understand each other
>voice says what's up dude?
>there is a man in the kitchen
>realize that I'm on the wrong floor in someone else's apartment

>>603601667

That's really weird. An anon with a gf.. huh.

>stand in train back home after work
>girl sitting at the staircase
>make eye contact
>nods and smiles at me
>does this several times
>don't know what to do
>train arrives at station
>full blown smile right at me
>go full spaghetti and blurt "I can't even into spaghetti"
>step out of the train in automatic pilot
>had to wait 30 minutes for next train
>never saw her again

>>603602396
Moar

>>603594533
>be me
>be ~10
>go to church camp
>become friends with bunkmate
>we like skipping church shit and go inna woods
>couple days in he asks me if I know about masturbating
>say no
>he tells me about it
>mite be cool
>we jack off together inna woods
>get the idea of doing it to each other
>we jack each other off
>we do it several times a day every day during our 3 weeks at the camp

>>603602396
Okay you win so far thats fucking weird. You were sober when this happened? You don't have frequent hallucinations or something?

>>603602911

Stories? or more about the guy? (Peter)

>me and friend smoking weed at 3am a winter night
>small alley that's sorrounded by big walls of bushes on either side that isolates the area
>small town, haven't seen another person for hours
>been there for a while starting to get pretty fucking high
>just started taking another hit when suddenly some dude bursts through the bushes
>stands right in front of us
>no shirt on
>both me and my friend speechless, staring at him
>stares at us
>good 10 seconds of silence
>"what's up"
>"hey"
>guy walks away

>>603602877
Hahahaha I can't even into spaghetti

>>603603198

Yeah there's a lot more to the story, was just giving the short of it. He literally saved my life with the shit he taught me while we sat together. Helped me fix my mind while I was suffering with dissociation.

Yeah was sober. He was smoking some weird type of weed that I'd never seen before. It was like brown paper. He was extremely wise

>>603598949
You have some fucking terrible friends.

>be at a hunter/birdwatching/general outdoor convention thing
>some weird dude with pamphlets
>talking about nature medicine
>oh let's hear about it
>spends the next 30 min blabbing about how eating paste to reduce cancer
>lets me taste
>tastes literally like liquid earth
>play into it
>walk away after a while

>1985 / nyc - from out of town / friends band is playing a gig at cbgb
>afternoon riding semi-crowded subway
>random dude approaches
>mfw out of everyone there he asks if i have any weed
>sorry not holden
>well then do you want to buy some acid
>uhmmm not this time


>another sub ride later that evening
>mfw really stunning woman of color approaches me out of everyone there
>hi my name is miss molly
>h...hello
>have you ever heard of the (didnt hear the actual name) club?
>no
>you should really stop by and see me later
>uhmmm sure... later
>mfw one of our local friends tells me that its a bondage club and she wanted to make me her little cracker slave boy

>captcha: ofook

>Living on residence.
>Go to kitchen/living room
>Girl is there, don't know her well. Two guys playing Wii also.
>Girl asks me to open a jar of beets
>"Yeah sure"
>She turns around and talks to the guys, I open the jar and put the lid back.
>She turns around, 'tries' to open the lid again. Visibly struggling.
>"Hrrrg! I can't, can you open it?"
>Uhhhhh
>Open in front of her face.
>"Thanks anon!"

>>603598949
and this person was still your friend?

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>>603597189
That was a good night b/ro

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>sitting in bed
>masturbating really bad
>dad walks in
>says son....
>Dad?
>YOU WILL BE EXECUTE!
>mfw

Here's a weird one from my youth.
>be me, 15 years old with my first girlfriend and one of my best friends.
>another friend was supposed to be there but now it's just this one friend third wheeling me and this girl
>We smoke a joint on this hill overlooking a shopping center
>Get super high, like ridiculously high. The kind of high you can only get when you're a stupid 15 year old.
>Everything looks super vivid and intense like it always does when I get really high
>we decide to walk down to the shopping center and get some food.
>I'm tripping out, too high to be in public, deal with it
>Girlfriend is really annoying when I'm high
>Anyways, go inside a shoprite, sit down at a table
>really stoned so it's nice to just sit down and take a breather.
>notice severly autistic kid nearby. Making loud noises and screaming
>caretaker comes over to us, asks if we can watch her for a little bit.
>"uuhhh.. sure"
>stoned out of my fucking mind watching as this kid makes the weirdest sounds I've ever heard.
>Looks super deformed also, sort of like a female sloth from the goonies
>I start getting legitimately scared which is pretty funny to me in retrospect
>ten minutes pass and finally the woman comes back and takes her, and says "thanks".

Anyone else feel like weird shit always happens when you're high?

>hanging out at school parking lot, after dark, drinking beer
>guy on motherfucking unicycle rides by
>wearing a panda hat
>doubletake.gif
>rides by, does some cool trick where he hops and spins the unicycle underneath him
>woahcoolbrah.wmv
>guy looks at me and asks where the gas station is
>i point down the road, he rides off
>mfw unicycle
>mfw gasoline

>>603604230
Lol, did it feel like 10 minutes of was it 10 minutes? I can imagine her going up to order pizza for 30 seconds and you thought it was 10 min.

>>603604426
probably needed a snack or air for his tire m8

>human
>interaction
>/b/

Good one.

Why didn't you ask her to suck your dick?

>>603604563
No I actually down-estimated the amount of time I think it was. I was talking with my girlfriend and friend and would occasionally glance over at the kid but it was a significant amount of time before the lady showed up again.

>>603604611
Lmao you're probably right. For a second I forgot there are other things at a gas station than gas.

>>603596530
Mallorca* learn to write faggot

>>603604064
She was trying to flirt with you. You know, woman can be terribly shitty flirts too, and even spaghetti. I've seen it, in fact. Storytime.
>I'm out at gay bar with my homo bestie
>I am letting guys buy me drinks because free booze is nice and they seem cool anyway.
>kind of cutie female approaches, says "I'm onto you."
>I raise eyebrows, "oh?"
>"You're secret. You're straight. Or at least like both."
>"it was a secret?"
>she starts to visibly blush, and I thought I saw a tremble
>"well you're at a gay bar."
>"yeah, so are you. And your obviously into me, so."
>she honestly finishes her drink in three gulps, turns and shakes my hand, beet red now.
>turns on her heels and walks away from the bar, never even making eye contact with me again.
>I notice her friends chiding her and telling her to come back and talk to me.
>she refuses and they leave after about 15 more minutes.

Thats life on the recieving end of spaghetti.

>>603602381
This. So much this. I've done the same thing you did to many people. I love fucking with homophobes. I'm comfortable with my heterosexuality and I think most homophobes arent

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Ok not much of an interaction but it was seriously weird
>End of school
>Walking outside school down the road
>All of a sudden I see this weird vehicle in the distance
>As it gets closer I realise its an office table, on the road
>One guy is 'driving' the table and there is another guy lying on top of the table
>He waves as he flies past
>Wtf
Pic related the table looked a bit like this

>>603605150
both are correct. google it.

>>603605150
learn to type* faggot
>fixed it because you're retarded

>>603602251
Fucking kek

>>603605150
pedantic cunt

>>603602230

Generally, most of you are too busy asking for sauce to fap to, rolling for dubs and looking at pictures Bailey Jay instead of contributing OC.

If someone can get amusement out of the shit I've done, I see nothing wrong with talking about it.

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>>603599500
You should definitely greentext that in more detail, and/or the following story.

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>Freshman year college
>Live in small dorm (35-40~ish people), on second campus
>Dorm next to us there's this really weird kid
>Stutters, talks about the most inane shit nobody cares about for hours on end, ugly as fuck, asian, gives a really weird vibe
>Honestly something wrong with his head, must be, no other option
>Only have to deal with him every now and then, be glad that I don't have to do it more often

Fast forward to Sophmore year
>Partway through Sophmore year try to move to a cheaper dorm
>School tells me one dorm is open with a free spot, save me a couple grand
>Signmeup.jpg

Now I should've known. I didn't even stop to think about it, but of course if there was a dorm with a slot open it HAD to be this kid's room.

>Open door
>There he is
>Oh fuck
>Just stop, freeze for a second, thinking what the fuck have I gotten myself into
>Ignore him, he still keeps talking
>Try to do move/check e-mail/do homework, this fucker is hovering over my shoulder watching me talking about baseball
>Try to fucking ignore this autistic shit
>Eventually leave to hang out with old dorm mates from last year, can't take it

Next night, around 20:00
>Full lights on
>Room is small, his bed is about 5 feet from mine
>I'm on my bed, typing up an essay
>All of a sudden hear him sliding around on the mattress, makes a very distinct sound (like windbreaker material or some shit)
>Look over
>He's ass naked fucking berking the worm
>smallassneedledick.jpg
>Fucking going to town on his pecker
>All of my what
>Have no idea how to respond, stare for 5 secs
>He turns around, looks me in the eye
>Keeps going, steady pace
>Demand he immediately ceases and desists
>okay.png
>Had to leave for the night, was nervous I'd come back to my bed covered in cum

I had nowhere else to move too, after that. I was stuck with this little shit for the rest of the year. Ended up talking to his former roommates and they told me he got busted for masturbating in the Uni library. Makes sense.

>>603605216

You must be obnoxious as hell. Getting hit on by gay men must feel nice.

>>603594533
was she high?

>summer
>walking home after work
>a german sheppard follows me
>i almost shitted in my panties
>the dog sticked his nose under my dress
>walked for the next 10m almost in slow motion (cuz i was freaking out) feeling the cold tip of his nose in my butt cheeks.

>>603594533
She was into you, autist. You were supposed to ask her for her phone number

>>603606120
did you cum?

>>603606120

Next time wipe your ass, anon

>>603606120
Fucking kekd

>>603606120
>dress

Feet or gtfo

Quads

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>be 12 midnight
>driving to a friends house
>down the road 45 seconds from my house a car is pulled over with the hood up
>guy standing in front of car
>ask him if he needs help
>says he needs water for his radiator
>I say I have anti freeze
>he declines and says "no i need water"
>i tell him ill drive to my house and get him a gallon
>he starts getting in my car
>i tell him no and to just wait there
>go to my house
>fill up a big jug of water
>drive back to where the guy was
>whole process took maybe 2 minutes tops
>guy is gone
>car is gone
>mfw
>drive to friends house

Later I realized that he was probably gonna kill or rape me.

>>603605216
Oh damn. Ever told this story on /b/ before? I swear I read pretty much this exact story two years ago, if not more.

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>get out of class
>got some time before I gota work, walk down to the store
>chilling outside walgreens having a cigarette
>homeless guy, couldn't be more than 25 walks past pushing a cart
>mumbling some prayers and jesus speak
>rounds corner
>comes back around 30 seconds later asking me if I have a light
>holds out a half killed cigarette
>ask, "Bro you just want a red man" (I only smoke marlboro reds)
>this excites Jesus man, he starts praying and calling me a saint for offering him a cigarette
>Say "Hey man, it's cool just take the rest of this pack, I can buy more" (there were 18 left, 2 had gone to me and him)
>he turns it down, but says the bible tells him he still owes me for the one cigarette
>pulls a polo shirt out of his cart and hands it to me
>blesses me, shakes my hand, pushes cart away and leaves
>had me saying wtf for an hour or two
>pic related mfw

Not really interaction but weird
>be 16/17
>driving around a city of ~70,000 blazing down
>stop at some railroad tracks that run through an old part of town to pack a bong
>pass it around blazing
>something moves in front of us and we immediately look forward
>a mother fucking deer
>just stands there as we stare for a good 30 seconds
>It then just slowly walks away
That nigger had to have traveled like 50 miles to get from the mounting and through a city of 130,000

>>603606120
"Let me tell you about the dogs. It was one of those 100 degree days and I was running along, sweating, sick, delirious, hungover. I stopped at a small apartment house with the box downstairs along the front pavement. I popped it open with my key. There wasn’t a sound. Then I felt something jamming its way into my crotch. It moved way up there. I looked around and there was a German Shepherd, full-grown, with his nose halfway up my ass. With one snap of his jaws he could rip off my balls. I decided that those people were not going to get their mail that day, and maybe never get any mail again. Man, I mean he worked that nose in there. SNUFF! SNUFF! SNUFF!
I put the mail back into the leather pouch, and then very slowly, very, I took a half step forward. The nose followed. I took another half step with the other foot. The nose followed. Then I took a slow, very slow full step. Then 19 another. Then stood still. The nose was out. And he just stood there looking at me. Maybe he’d never smelled anything like it and didn’t quite know what to do. I walked quietly away."

>>603606438

IKR? That should have been the start of a letter to Penthouse, not a /b/ post.

>>603607116
Mountains not mounting

> Be at college
> Looking for a house party to attend with some of my friends
> See a guy who lives in our dorm stumbling the other way, figure he was coming from a party
> "Hey, man, what party did you come from?"
> "What?"
> "What party are you coming from?"
> (pause) "I'm Hispanic, myself."
> "Er, thanks?"

>walking down highway in my town going to a girls house when i was like 14
>was edgemaster9001 back then
>trip pants arm warmers band tshirts the whole fucking thing
>2 red necks in a dingy as hell pick up truck come zooming by(louisiana so not really that strange)
>they're blaring loud music and drinking beer with no shirts on, one had a mullet
>they slow down and start talking to me
>"oh fuck im about to get beaten and raped"
>they calling me little buddy and stuff
>tell me theyre in a good mood and hand me a $50 bill
>tell me grab something to eat from mcdonalds or something, I was like 40 pounds underweight then so maybe wasnt so strange
>they haul ass away and break a beer bottle on the ground like 50ft ahead
>buy a coke at mcdonalds because its like 98 outside
>get to girls house and she takes my now $48
>dont argue because beta little shit who worshipped this bitch
>have to leave her house like 5 minutes later

>be me
>member of the opposite sex asks me something
>I walk away uncomfortably
>worst day of my life

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>be walking 8 miles home from best friends house
> suns down but on a busy street so somewhat lit
> notice same dark grey car drive past me couple times
>w/e
>coming up on garages of apartment buildings
>see grey car pull into the lot of garages up ahead
>car does u turn in lot sp he's facing the empty street as if to go back on the road
>stays there long enough for me to catch up
>I'm walking past his car
>hey there anon do you know where I can find a

>>603594533
Yep, girls can be just as weird as the awkward DnD weirdo, and it's kinda awesome. Also, she wanted the D.

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>>603604122
Yes, yes it was.

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>>603607006
also, this one in the same town
>be drinking with some buddies a few nights ago
>at a friends house, there's 7 of us
>playing cards, listening to music, watching movies. general bro shit
>me and two friends decide to walk down to the circle K down the street to pick up some smokes and more beer
>we get there, my buddies go in
>I stay outside to get some fresh air because I'm feeling sick from drinking
>3 guys leave as my friends walk in
>the most smashed of these 3 guys falls int othe driver seat with the two other guys laughing
>ask smashed bro if he's cool to drive
>his buddies pipe in "BRO HE'S THE FUCKIN WHEEL MAN, MAN HE CAN DRIVE THROUGH ANYTHING"
>driver closes his door, rolls down his window, and hangs out
>"Don't do kids, drugs, drinking is bad ok"
>throws up a little and falls back into the car
>slams on reverse and hits a concrete barrier to a gas pump
>switches gear, slams gas and peels out
>it's 3 in the morning
>friends walk out, mfw

>Be about 16
>with a friend of mine
>friend wants to eat
>sit down for a cigarette first
>incredibly tall Irishman sits by us
>tells us how the world isn't as good as it used to be
>he grew up on a farm and food was amazing
>now food is poor quality because the global population is too large and everyone has to be fed
>talks about how office jobs are making us all fat, weak and lazy
>makes us feel his enormous bicep
>is constantly taking a different kind of alcohol from a different pocket in his coat and drinking it, beer, whiskey, vodka etc.
>tells us how to survive in the woods
>complains about modern technology overcomplicating life
>says he hates mobile phones because he doesn't like to be reachable at all times, that he likes to be able to disappear
>teaches us how to say our names in Gaelic
>leaves

He had us there for like four hours and we were too polite to leave.

Weird human interaction..
>2005
>dancing at club
>a weirdo staring at me
>wearing lumberjack shirt and with small mustache
>half hout later still staring at me
>finally grabs the courage to come talk to me
>and asks " Do you have Hi5?" Me.." uhm yes" and he leaves.

>>603604753
She was actually planning to just leave her with you until she felt guilty and came back

>>603605929
holy shit anon, any more terrible stories from being this guys bunkie for 1 year?

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Hey /b/, here's a story.

>dude in his school
>named Frank
> big time loner. Into yu gi oh and shit
>played with his yu gi oh friends at lumch
>not loner contradiction
>anyways
>I always thought he was gay and so did everyone was else. Very effeminate and his eyebrows were always clearly waxed and he wore skirts every friday
>fuckin fag
>i graduate
>college
>successful as fuck
>always flying to meetings like a boss
>I was in New York
>browsing fb
>600+ friends bitches
>see familiar grill
>8/10, click
>go through photos
>no fucking way
>it's Frank
>changed his name to Francine
>creep through FB
>fucking tranny
>tranny
>married Asian yu gi oh bud
>Asians name is Brandon Lee
>lol at that the rest of my night and tell awesome story at the meeting
>time to fly home
>settle in my seat when 8/10 grill walks my wa--GODDAMNIT FRANK
>pretend not to notice him/her b/c uncomfortable
>pilot comes on intercom to congratulate a couple on their anniversary
>brandon comes out from the cockpit, Frank loses his shit and they fag kiss and shit, they sit next to me
>decide to stop being an asshole
>tap Frank on the shoulder
>"Frankly I'm a bit uncomfortable with gay marriage and stuff, but that was so sweet, surely you two are a happy couple"
>Franksmad.jpg
>Surely we are, and don't call me Frank Lee.

>>603607006
>>603607981
these made me kek anon

>be me 15, living in a small town
>waiting for bus on a bus stop
>the town drunk appears
>tells me he was in jail for cutting a mans balls of
>justifies this by telling the guy was a pedophile
>starts asking if i think he did anything wrong
>afraid of getting my balls cut off so i tell him i would have done the same thing

>>603608292
4/10

>>603606120
Tits...etc

>>603608046
sounds like a cool dude and a cool experience, you'll be fond of it once you get a bit older

>>603608468
You meant diddle the kids right?

>was buying some weed from the local Nignon
> Looking for that great white widow
> He asked me to try some cid
> We dropped it at around 3pm after school
> was 2012
> We wanted to do something cool like play basketball
> I said I wanted to play some music
> Had played Piano my whole life and thought it'd be good to start a band
> tell him to go get his bass guitar
> gets mad
> goes to addic
> finds bass guitar
> paper falls out
> 666 was written below a price tag
> $3.50
> Satan shows up
> nigga jumps through the ceiling
> Satan: "That'll be about three fiddy"

>>603609037

More like 10/10

>>603600856
you actually have this greentext saved? god your life must suck

>>603599549
>>Fucking going to town on his pecker
>>All of my what
(I don't know what the fuck the above words are. They just appeared)

Sounds like the guy was some kind of autist, they do that kind of shit.

>>603606845
Kek

>>603604210
forced meme is forced

>>603602396
Jan Titor?

>>603605150
Spanishfag detection alert
go away

>>603602877
Wait, a staircase on a train?

>>603605216
you're a fucking idiot, you were what? waiting for her to come back? you had 15 minutes to walk up to her.

>about 8
>hiking with my mom
>trying to get to the top of a waterfall
>get there
>old man sitting on a rock, large knife on belt and confederate tshirt (Not excessively uncommon in the region)
>large, unkept beard
>say hey, we look at the view
>he begins to talk about coming there for inspiration, says god speaks to him through nature
>points at some hawk, tells us that the hawk was sent as a sign, that the same hawk met him in the redwood forest
>asks for my name, mom gives me a weird look
>give it to him, he takes out a book and proceeds to find a page with a poem relating to it (biblical name)
>talks about how he's a prophet
>we humor him, eventually say thanks and nope the fuck out of there
>tfw missed out on hearing the teachings of a prophet

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>be me, trip to Canada to visit friend
>walking on dirt road outside BC
>big, lifted pickup roars by
>cloud of dust, brake lights
>truck reverses, pulls up next to us
>rolls down window
>truck completely full of rednecks
>weregonnagetraped.jpg
>stern redneck looks at us and says
>"you boys seen a NIG-LET?"
>shake our heads "no"
>window rolls up, truck speeds off
>mfw "niglet"
>mfw Canada

>>603607750
>be server at McDonald's
>been fairly busy but otherwise ordinary
>stick thin emo fag comes in
>buys coke with $50 bill
>walks out

>>603597856
This sounds like some bullshit. anon definitely said some shit to provoke that autist.

>>603604563
Dat moment when you so high you let a bitch palm off a tard on you.

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>>603611578
u r so rly alpha

>>603605216
YOU SPAGHETTI'D TOO YOU NIGNOG!

YOU WERE MEANT TO GO AFTER THE BITCH!

>>603606656
FOOTFAG PLS GO!

CAPTCHA was: Icome

No I fucking don't, that foot shit ain't sexy

>middle school, prob 7th grade
>running outside for P.E. class
>doing laps around a small, circular parking lot
>look at a large dumpster
>see a fat little kid crouched behind the dumpster, he's short and fat and locking a purple lollipop. His face looks like it's covered in flour.
>'the fuck?'
>Whatever, keep running.
>do another lap, he's gone.

Didn't think anything of it at the time cuz i was just trying to finish my run or whatever, but the more i think about it the weirder it is. Sometimes it doens't even really feel like a memory it was so odd but I was completely lucid.

Currently working at a church doing plumbing. Its downtown so rough area.

Some nig comes up to me every fucking day and asks if I have an extra pair of gloves so he can fight people. I don't even know what the fuck....

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>>603610773
Not that anon but, in holland there are alot of trains with 2 floors.
Im in one right now.

>>603602911


djangoooo unchained
http://www.livestream.com/thebigshow20

>>603602396
Matthew Gaziorek?

>>603604707
Who the fuck are you even talking to?

>>603598949
>Be 15/16
>Be about 5
>Be maybe 8
THE FUCK MAN WHICH ONE IS IT?

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>be me, stuck in traffic
>Orange County, traffic sucks
>Traffic isn't moving.
>look next to me
>purple PT cruiser
>fat lady driving, guy in passenger seat
>guy has huge swastika tattoo on arm
>trying to see his other tattoos
>looks up at me and says
>"Nice Mustang dude"
>heils me
>"...thanks"
>mfw we sit in traffic awkwardly together for 5 min
>mfw white supremacist in a PT cruiser

>in high school
>everyone report to homeroom at the end of the day for report cards
>fuck that, go to this really cool teachers room
>*sigh*"anon, why are you in here? I'm not your homeroom"
>"some kids were about to beat me up coach so I came in here because I knew you'd back me up"
>we start talking about bullying
>weird girl interjects
>"bullying is bad here, but its nothing compared to what goes on at Anon high! Did you hear about that girl that got bullied so much she slit her wrists in the bathroom over there?"
>nope
>come on, you had to have heard about it
>nuh uh
>it was last september
>still doesn't ring a bell
>well, anyway, that was me!
>shows me marks all over her wrists
>I tell her I have to go get my report card & nope the fuck out of there

People are weird

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>>603610773
>>603610773
See anon

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>>603612877

At least it wasn't an orange Pinto.

>I saw a sort of gypsy, hippy lady with her daughter
>They were both carrying some sort of, like rodent
>that had a tail, that looked like wooden
>So I thought they were carrying wood
>But it turns out it was some sort of creature
>And I have no idea what it was
>It really blew my mind

>>603607750
Kill yourself.

>be 20 yo college student
>going through line at target
>middle aged woman cashier
>stops and says hey you did surgery on me a few years ago
>excuse me?
>she insisted that I was her surgeon and did some sort of operation a few years back
>I said no you must have to wrong person
>she's like no it was definitely you, don't pull my leg hehe
>I laugh awkwardly and leave with my bag

So fucking weird

> hanging out at FLGS with 2 friends, trading magic cards
> 8/10 walks in, sits at our table
> slightly chubby, but has perfectly round perky D-cups and the kind of round ass you normally don't see on a white girl
> Start talking about friend's upcoming 21st birthday, he's planning to go to the bar, get shitfaced, get laid
> this gets 8/10's attention
> "I'm pansexual", she says
> uwotm8?
> "Yeah, I've watched lots of porn on the internet and I like both guys and girls"
> "Uh... that's bisexual, not pansexual"
> "Oh, but I would have sex with a transexual too"
> Conversation is rapidly spinning out of control and getting way too inappropriate for a public place
> try to steer the conversation in another direction
> 8/10 gets upset, wants to continue having this odd conversation about sex
> "I've had sex education in school, and I've masturbated, I've had an orgasm, but I just don't get what the big deal is. Maybe it's better with someone else?"
> recordscratch.wav
> politely tell her that we can't have this sort of conversation with her
> "But why non, anon!?"
> "BECAUSE YOU'RE 14."

She was legitimately pretty mad at all of us for about a month for not having an adult conversation with her. Found out later she's literally autistic and as such, probably didn't understand the social/legal ramifications.

>>603608046

Why would you wanna leave. Do you get how rare it is to meet a human being who isn't completely blank, boring and dull?

>>603609155
I did enjoy the chat with Seamus, as he said his name was. I've always pictured life in the 20th century as being somehow better, so it was nice to hear someone else complain about modern living besides me.

I have this habbit of touching my tongue to the side of my lip and it looks like I'm smiling a bit. People often smile and wave at me as if they know me and it makes me feel awkward

>Drinking in a bar in a courtyard kinda thing out front with a couple friends
>Some homeless looking guy spots us in the distance and wanders over
>Sounds like that fucking redneck from the Waterboy who nobody can understand
>Keeps talking to us
>Friends are encouraging it and I'm laughing my tits off
>Friends start getting annoyed
>I've got a few Irish friends I occasionally drink with
>"Stand back, I speak 'crazy drunken homeless'"
>"You know my friends, you should move inside, the winds going to pick up soon and it's gonna get quite cold"
>Whatwhywouldyoutellusthisinformation.avi
>Go inside to escape the weird looking fella
>Once in we glance outside, guy pulls out a fucking huge wad of notes, easily a few thousand
>Turns out he's a millionaire who just lives really plainly
>Half an hour later the wind picks up and the parasol fitted with heat lamps we were sitting under crashes onto the table
>Crazy millionaire homeless guy saved our lives
>I drink at that bar every week now

>>603613695
This happened to my Dad

>>603595718
nooice

>>603613907
My friend was starving and he kept tugging on my sleeve and looking at me with pleading eyes, especially when Seamus was talking about "potatoes as big as your head, and fluffy too, and freshly churned butter" and all that. I wanted to stay. I didn't make any effort to leave.

>went on road trip with friends
>took two cars
>went to New Orleans
>to a wrong turn and ended up in the ghetto
>niggers everywhere
>drunk nigger in the street starts walking towards my friend's car behind us
>drive away before he gets to the car
>do a hand signal to show the car behind us how were getting out of here
>niggers sitting outside think im looking for drugs
>get the fuck out before we get lynched

>>603605815
i kek'd, some amusement.

>Be 21
>Visiting new york city for work
>start drinking at hotel after work
>Smoke break
>30 year old woman with funny accent appears with weird irish seeming guy out of the darkness.
>She says man is scaring her and she needs help
>Too drunk to call the cops like a normal fucking person.
>Hang out and watch.
>Irish dude gets mad. "Its him or me"
>Fuck i cant get arrested for this shit regardless of who wins
>Chooses me. Imokaywiththis.jpg
>Guy leaves.
>talk to foreign fucks in the lobby
>lady and foreign fuck start jibbering in what i assume is turkish.(old fuck mentioned turkey.
>go to bar with her.
>Fucked up, making out like highschoolers

>>603614245
Oh well, man, there'll be other interesting encounters.

Shame about that fluffy big buttery potato story though. I havent eaten a proper meal in a weak.

Man am I hungry. Fuck. Drunk as well. Sheeeeit. My friends have been waiting for me at the pub for an hour.

>>603614122
Do you think it means something? Like going upstairs for coffee after a date? Lol I understand because it's your dad, but I'm in my 20s. How could I possibly be a surgeon, plus I dressed like a broke college student

>>603613036
YOU PEOPLE HAVE DOUBLE DECKER TRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????????

>>603612762
Sheeeeeit. Next time I'm in Holland I'll have to take a train. Usually I take the roads.

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>>603596530
>Summon strength of 10,000 retards

>>603594533
You're just beta and didn't realize she was interested in you.

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>be me, 5 months ago
>went to visit my gf after school
>arrived to the subway station
>30yo woman waiting at the station
>7/10, really small shorts, nice ass, open shoes, tank top
>stared at her ass a little and pretend to mind my own business
>subway arrives
>it's fucking full of people, get in anyway
>woman ends up right in front of me
>thrust my pelvis on her ass, 'accidentally'
>woman turns to see me, smiles and suddenly grabs me by the hips
>whatishappening.exe
>she starts to grind me
>get an instaboner
>she smiles again, now i'm groping her ass and legs
>this went on for a few stations
>wagon clear out, she takes me to the other ends of the aisle
>keeps grinding while i feel her up
>now she's bending over, i'm too horny to care about the people and that old lady watching shamefully
>starts grinding again, gave a slutty smile and kiss me
>we make out a few seconds (noticed she was a little drunk)
>asked for her number
>gave it to me, we kiss again and then she gets off the train
>i get off the next station

To this day I still can't believe that happened to me. But it was great

>at a college workshop I got invited to during senior year
>not my kind of thing but figure it looks good
>going pretty well, meet some stoner Europeans
>up late at night on laptop
>leave form room to get something to drink
>go to vending machine in dorm lobby
>see tall French kid at machine
>staring into Pepsi picture on front
>turns to me and runs his hand down the machine and says something in French
>remembered what he said recently
>Google translated it
>"the box took my dollars man"

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>be 22
>be rolling on some dirty 6apb
>realise i need milk
>meet leprechaun outside
>"Hey man, cha got 'ny trips? Cha got a smoke for a guy?"
>wat.png
>"Smoke, like ciggies, chyeah?"
>finally understand, try and roll the leprechaun a cigarette
>sweating like a pig because drugs
>finally finish rolling the cigarette
>soggy as fuck
>give him cigarette
>"Say, cha go any trips?"
>heknows.exe
>duh, obviously he knows
>"Er, no...?"
>"Wheel, if cha want uny trips, call me, savvy?"
>writes his number on my arm
>this is all getting too much, decide to go home
>coming down, realise that still have number on arm
>write it in phone
>hold on
>leprechaun was my landlord
>mfw

>>603602396
What were the secrets?

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>>603605815
This man makes a fair point

>At the mall a few days ago
>Just sitting in the food court with dog food and alpo treats
>Old man saunters up and starts tellin us a story about asian people and how they love dog food
>Litterally goes for 10 minutes on asians and dog food and everything in bwtween
>Eventually walks away and goes up to someone else who has dog food
>Think "that was weird" but really nothing else
>Next day we go to mall again to go shopping at Target
>He's scoping the Target lookin for discount dog food
>he see's us
>We run away quick but he's chasin' us down with a rascal
>Finally escape him and head to the food court to catch our breath
>Suddenlly a shadow appears over our head
>It's the dog food asian guy
>"You guys ever heard of nuclaer weapons?"
>resist urge to punch him
>gives us a box of trix cereal
>i ask him why
>he says, why? I'm a hairy guy...

>I'm hairy noon and nighty night night
>my hair is a fright
>I'm hairy high and low but don't ask me why.....

>it's not for lack of bread like the grateful dead....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9sXoUhXobE

>>603615258
No way this happened

>>603602381
I remember this one similar to your posts except I did it with a friend:

>Be english, 19 y/o
>In the local pub at about 1am, pretty much blind drunk with small group of friends
>Random Meat head chav guy, about 30 y/o keeps making banter with us, jokey exchanging of insults ensues and he sits with us for a bit
>One of my friends start talking about football, and mid banter another says "But... Chelsea are a shit team *laughs*" Says "Chelsea" again sarcastically.
>Chav guy then starts shouting "WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT CHELSEA? CHELSEA ARE AMAZING WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT CHELSEA" and so forth, is genuinely cross. My friend is pussying out and doesn't know what to do about this faggot chav getting up in his face.
>I say "YO. Leave him alone." The guy looks at me and for some reason I say "He's gay leave him alone".
>Obviously tried to re-engage banter, but this guy is so het up he gets cross. He walks off to his mates, and I walk into toilet.
>Go into cubicle, mid-piss, I hear kicking at my cubicle door and this guy is smashing into it shouting about Chelsea and saying "I don't care if he's gay or you're gay"
>kicking stops, never see the guy again

Needless to say it was a scary but incredible event.

>>603603201
the guy

>>603594533
>>603594533
UEA?

>>603615747
Based Britfag Translator's Note: Cross means angry.

>>603615666
I wouldn't believe it either if it didn't happen to me, Satan. But it did

>Bike around rural area.
>Stop on a bench to rest and read a book in the sun.
>Man passes in front of me, walking. late thirties, built.
>I say hi, he nods in response.
>Continue reading, take a look on my right.
>He stopped 10 meters away, staring at me.
>Weird. whatever, I'm a grown fucking man, continue reading.
>Goes away.
>Comes out from the trees on the other side, on my left.
>Fucker circled me, staring again.
>Take a few minutes to finish my chapter, get on my bike and calmly leave.
>As I pass in front of the man, he makes loud suction sounds with his mouth, still staring at me.
>This is confrontational and disrespectful, get ready to hit the weirdo.
>Trough the trees, I see a few naked men walking around.
>I just leave.

>>603615747
Ya see, I'm from Liverpool, and I'm an Everton supporter. All I do is take the piss, and I reckon I'm gonna get kill by kopites

>>603613012
Lol just goes to show how much attention seekers try to get attention.

>>603602381
>he says while ensuring us he isn't gay

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From a baseball game I went to

>in the dugout sitting the bench
>me and friend watching the game, starting to give less and less shits
>last out, our team ready to bat
>I'm on deck
>practice swinging behind first batter
>lanky red headed kid with thick glasses
>he starts to make weird moaning noises every swing
>he's completely oblivious to me
>continues his moaning till he's called to the plate
>gets to plate
>first swing he takes, he let's out a huge moan and hits the ball
>gets out at first
>pass him as he returns
>moaning every step

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Ok, here's my worst.
>be me, 16
>going to the auto parts store
>pull up, music loud. Stop car and go in
>guy inside is -very- happy to see me
>tells me I have a reeeaaaallly cool keep
>mfw it's an '89 grand wagoner
>fake wood paneling, fucked up paint
>guy insists it's cool
>starts talking about his recent divorce
>tells me what a bitch she was
>tells me he knows this great off-roading spot
>"I don't think my jeep would do so well"
>tells me it's fine
>tells me he has a winch
>tells me he gets off work at 10pm
>"I'll have to take a rain check"
>nope the fuck out of there
>mfw 35 year old probably wanted to rape me in the woods
>mfw I never bought spark plugs

>>603615258
That was a man....

>waiting for a flight in >memhpis, went to the corner >store to buy some smokes, >girl comes up behind me, asks >me to wait, she buys smokes, >then takes me behind the >store and sucks my cock, >never got her name

>Go for breakfast with boss and coworker
>Finish it
>Boss says "now it's time to go burn off some of that fat you just ate"
>Some lady over hears it and thinks they're making fun of me for being overweight when they really weren't
>She says "don't listen to em' hun, they're just jealous of you because you're young and I think you're handsome and they're not"
>Lady manages to insult all 3 of us at once
>Awkwardly chuckle and leave

>>603614615
Continued
>"i give you 15000 american dollars for american passport"
>Well fuck. I must look dumb enough to fall for this.
>Ups offer to 50k
>Fuck no
>Leave
>Friends see me walking back
>Help me! (Subtly)
>Make fun of crazy bitch
>Everyone leaves except a couple of supervisors.
>lers get a drink with me and my wife
>they do because its funny to them i guess.
>walk to bar. Get fucked
>Give werid turkish lady blue kirsao cuz y not
>Only other people in bar at this time are turkish fucks from lobby.
>Im about to be murdered?
>literally run for my life.
>Warn roomate of possible turkish mafia shooting us in Our sleep.
>Sleep in different room. Roomy doesnt care.
>Wake up. Hear foreign voice leaving room near elevator
>Not getting murdered in an elevator.
>Walk down 12 flights of stairs.
>Enjoy massive hangover on ride back.

>be me, waiting at a bus stop because I was a poorfag
>late as fuck, no one around
>just chillen, listening to music
>this rough-looking scrawny white guy starts pacing in front of me, looking at me repeatedly
>he steps forward and signals to take off my earbuds, so I do
>he says, "Hey. You're really pretty. Really pretty. You're very pretty."
>he's acting all dodgy and nervous while saying this
>I reply with a forced smile and nervous chuckle, "Thanks."
>He continues pacing and begins mumbling to himself, "You're very pretty. Very pretty."
>imgonnadie.jpg
>him: "Very pretty. Do you want to go out sometime? I just think you're pretty." (mumbles again)
>I just ignore him even though he keeps talking to me
>finally he just stops and says, "You know what - I feel like you're against me. This is not going to work. I'm just going to put up a wall - brick by brick. Because you're against me. And I don't need that negativity in my life."
>bus comes, I jump on it even though it isn't my route

>>603602933
are you gay or straight now?

>>603615258
Did you call her and fuck?

Please tell me you called her and fucked.

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>>603594533
>Be me kid, on roadtrip
>mom pulls over takes older sister out
>gives her a sex talk.
>she tries wispering it in my ear.
>i somehow misshear/misunderstand dick for foot.
>Mom yells at sister for whispering.
>silence
>SO fucking confused it changed the way i looked at life, and feet.
>go on thinking the foot is the dick.
>Get in 3rd grade
>Get a crush on girl
>knows she has a crush on me wants to kiss me
>get behind bushes away from playground teacher sight.
>start talking.
>tell her i wanted to stick my foot in her crotch.
>she start crying and runs off
>never talked to me again
>I do eventually figure something was definitely wrong with that concept.
>finally see a porn but damage done.

>Mom takes me to Counting Crows concert
>elderly man asks if it's supposed to rain
>Turns out he has a hole in his heart
>He gets wet he dies
>Guy turns out to be old tour bus driver
>Tells me about all his travels
>Dude drove for EVERYONE
>Didn't even get his name

It's was minutely interesting not so much unusual

>>603602444
keks and trips, doesn't get better than this.

>>603616173
Hahaha. I'm not even a football fan - neither is my friend. But I've never seen a guy switch from banter to fucking rage as fuck mode when someone jokes about a football team

>>603616008
It was an '07, had rims. It wasn't nice, but it was nicer than a purple PT cruiser. Apparently it was "white supremacist" nice

>>603617024
Did you jack off your foot?

>>603616173
too many of us on /b/ I've found, we're like rats scousers.

In of course the most endearing way a man can possibly be likened to rats.

Here's a pretty confusing one:
>really hungry
>go to a restaurant called in town called Bobby's
>get seated and wait for my server
>guy at bar across from my table looks up at me from his drink
>looking me right in the eyes
>start to get nervous and hide behind the menu
>peek my eyes over menu
>now he's got his lips pulled above his teeth and he starts flaring his nostrils
>starting to get really uncomfortable
>a woman comes to him from the bathroom
>helps him into a wheelchair that was hidden behind the bar
>stares at me all the way to the door
>bartender gives me a slip of paper
>poorly written note explaining why not to get the breaded mushrooms

>>603615753

Mmkay. I'll give the full story.

>Be in complete dissociation
>Racing thoughts, to the point where I can barely hear the real world - only my mind
>Decide while smoking up to meditate
>Suddenly jolt into reality and have complete clarity
>This fades over the course of a few days
>Something to do with turning my mind off
>For weeks I do my best to keep my mind clear so I have that state permanently
>Fast forward few months
>Walking through the patch of grass I mentioned
>Guy holds up 3 fingers and nods, smiling
>Get this vibe that he knows what I'm going through
>Approach him to see if he says anything (just asked for a rizzla)
>"Ahh, I see what you're trying to do. You're the first I've met here to take this journey"
>"People walk around ignoring the world, blinded by their thoughts. You know the secret don't you"
>I say, "How do you know what I'm going through?"
>Can't remember his reply for the life of me
>He tells me to sit down and LISTEN
>He tells me to try and listen to each side of the road
>After a few attempts, things just click and I don't feel mentally fucked anymore, shit feels like it's in sync
>After that, he goes , 'Ahh, you see! This is the truth! Do not think. Only listen, and speak.'
>A group of girls cross the road
>He says, 'Are they english or polish?'
>I listen and I can suddenly hear them properly
>This blows my mind
(will provide background information on my condition if this is too confusing)
>He then picks up a feather and puts it to my ear, tells me to listen
>The feather has this weird vibration to it
>Without me saying anything, he tells me it's the talk of nature. Says you must listen always because the world is talking to you in sounds
>Does some other strange shit
>He says, 'At first you couldn't understand me because of my accent, but now it's very clear, because you are beginning to listen to the world
>Tells me that most people are like machines, their minds are always in the clouds, they never pay attention moment

>>603617417
Too young to know what jacking off was I thought the good feeling was magic or some shit.

>>603615753

He then tells me strange shit like 'Jesus was just a man like me and you - we are all Jesus'

Then just continues showing me techniques and demonstrates the power of listening by stating the time, then pulling out an old phone with the exact time he said.

He then showed me some of his items that he collected on his travels. Tells me that I should ditch my possessions and travel away and come back when I understand myself and the world better.

That was generally it. Will post more if I remember anything else he said

>Be me, age 6 or 7
>go to the bathroom after a test
>taking a piss at the urinal
>some girl comes out of a stall
>stares at me
>her face turns red as fuck
>"What are you doing in here?"
>"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!"
>she runs out
>wat.jpeg

>black guy downtown
>asks for a smoke
>about to leave for enlistment so I give him a couple
>he talks about "the point of life" for a couple minutes
>i tell him i'm getting checked and enlisting in the morning
>he stares at the ground for a minute
>looks at me and says "don't do it"
>stands up, asks me if I need anything
>"anything?" I say
>yes anything
>"how about a hackysack?"
>other army tards laugh
>he starts to walk away, takes 5 steps and turns around
>has a goddamn hackysack
>tosses it at my feet
>I never enlisted
>convinced for years I could have had anything in the world, like he was some kind of fucking genie

I still think about it quite a bit, I feel like he saved my life.

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Alright, I'll kontribut. I think I authorized a hit once... by accident.

> be 4 am, sitting on busstop bench with my friend, getting high on sleep dep and smokin cigs.
> Not a car on the road. Big boulevard that only has businesses. All closed.
> The bench we sat on had kind of a "screen" around it. You could kind of see through it, but not really (metal with holes)
> Car pulls up a hundred feet away
> Shady dude gets out
> walks around to passenger side and reaches in the window
> Puts on cloves
> Puts on leather jacket
> Looks around and notices us. Up until this point, we were 90% sure he was there to steal change from the parking meter... I don't know why.
> "Hey you guys cool?!" he yells in an authoritative tone.
> "Yeah, man!" i yell back.
> Fucker takes out a gun, and shoots three rounds into the backseat of his own car, jumps in, and books it the fuck out.
> yells "Get the fuck out of here, RUN!" to us as he drives away.

We fucking ran. I'm sure it was an execution. The only thing I'm not sure if it was a person, you know... coulda been his GF's dog for all we know.

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>>603609483

Be me
> at geralds tires to get my donut off
> go outside to smoke a cig old 85 yeal old lasyd small with rainbow died hair
> long story short was in autiwich when she was a kid showed me her tattoo number and everything
> told me how they had to pick mushrooms all day and all they ate was mushrooms
> name was deeney has a book called denie forgives but never forgets
> mfw he car cones out of geralds and is a pinto with a thousand stickers onit all saying peave love and happiness
> tells me how she smokes pot drops acid and does shrooms
I paid for her tire it was 40 dollars she was cool

Not very good, I guess it can count as a lack of human interaction, I guess.

>17
>My friends and I built a sort of camp in the trees by our local park
>We all sit there at night, light a fire, get high, get drunk
>Would sometimes fuck girls up there too
>We are all up at the Camp one night getting high, I dont smoke too much, Cant handle it
>Friend hands me this Bottle with a Bag under it
>Take it all into my lungs
>I look at them, didn't say a word.
>Took out rolling papers, handed them all one each
>Walked off without saying anything
>Still can't remember what I did that night on my own
>Could've fucking stabbed a guy, wouldn't remember
>They tell me I started mumbling, dropped my papers and started running off across the park

>>603611696

I really don't have a clue why she freaked like that. It probably wasn't the best decision to give her white widow from the bong and she later told me she had gotten lightheaded and everything was going black. I think the immediate rush was too much and she just panicked, that's all.

>>603607006
>>603607981
haha damn

>>603594533
>was working as a landscaper trimming hedges by the side of a busy road
>asian man walks up to me and starts gesturing at the shears
>proceeds to take the machine from my hand and starts hefting it in the air
>still can't really understand what he's saying
>finally figure out he's asking how much
>tell him it costs $600
>nods appreciatively, tells me the machine is heavy then hands it back.
>gestures again at the machine and towards the ground
>dude whips out super fancy slr camera and starts snapping pictures of the machine
>stops looks at the camera, nods and walks away without a word

Posted this once before, but have it again:

> be me, freshman in college in Daytona Beach
> group of friends decide one Sunday to go on a drive
> we're all nerds, so we decide to go to Best Buy to window shop
> get halfway there, suddenly bumper to bumper traffic
> people walking everywhere, can't figure out why
> finally get to best buy an hour later, should've been a 5-minute drive
> best buy is closed, parking lot is being rented out and is full
> ask parking attendant wtf is going on
> fucking Daytona 500
> decide to go to the beach instead
> takes another hour to get back through the traffic
> cross over the bridge to the beachside
> suddenly bumper to bumper traffic
> motorcycles everywhere, can't figure out why
> takes us nearly an hour to drive the 4 blocks down Main St., should've been a 2-minute drive
> traffic has us stopped in front of a typical Biker Bar
> Typical Biker Chick, in her 30's or so and wearing lots of leather, comes out of the bar
> Spots us, walks up to the car
> pulls open her leather vest to reveal her more than ample cleavage
> nestled in said cleave is a toy plastic eyeball
> "I'm gonna be keeping my eye on you."
> Does a 180 and disappears back into the bar

>>603612841
Five feet 8 inches. 15 or 16 years old

>be me in 2014
>hopping trains and living homeless for a while
>travel to Santa Cruz, CA
>play some street music trying to make some money
>old looking white man with grey dreads and dreads in his beard too comes up to me
>he's obviously homeless too
>asks me if i know who he is
>i say no and try to back up a little
>he starts screaming at me about how i better learn his name and never forget it
>"my name is JAHRASTAMOTHAFUCKINFARI
>JAHRASTAMOTHAFUCKINFARI
>JAHRASTAMOTHAFUCKINFARI
>dude just wont stop screaming that
>he grags me by the shirt and pulls me close to him
>he starts reaching for something under his poncho
>i start to pull my knife and ready to cut this fucker
>he pulls out the largest bag of weed ive ever seen. prob about a pound that he has taped to him under his poncho
>cuts the top of the bag open and demands that i take as much as two handfulls.

I ended up grabbing huge handfulls and ran off
saw him later that night screaming at children outside a movie theater that hes jahrastamothafuckinfari and some parents run him off.

>>603612841
congrats, you made me kek pretty hard.

>>603602230
Hater alert

>>603617156
I think I almost got into trouble taking the piss out of an LFC fan on a night they lost.

Then again, 5 of us, 1 of him,

My mates are pussies though.

Some guy approached me at a bus stop and started talking gibberish. It was midnight so I was just looking at his hands, waiting for him to take a knife out or something. In the end he was just on shrooms or something.

>>603601762
>also Marinefag
>HE; POG as fuck
>humanitarian mission in Philippines
>fueling up forklift, but pump is down so using mason jars instead
>8/10 flip standing right next to me silently glancing every few seconds while I burn one and fill forklift
>flip says hi without even looking at me
>talk every time I go to fuel that day; never once looked at me
>next day comes by and my CWO is eyeballing her funny
>she asks if he doesn't want me seeing her anymore
>freaked out because of the wording she chose
>immediately follows that with, "Because my father says I'm not allowed to see you anymore."
>bitch probably went home the night prior and told her whole family about her new marine boyfriend and the green card he's getting her
>left on an osprey the next day while she stared at me through a chain link fence.

>>603603503
Post more about this guy, the problems you were having etc etc etc. sounds interesting.

Donno how to green text,

anyways I was fishing in a gully with a buddy of mine, we walked to a secret spot 20mins upriver, bushes on either side and straight up cliffs. Were about an hour into the bush already. All of a sudden this ragity ass dude pops up out of the bushes on the other side. Obviously a crack head. Swims across river to us, asks if either of us have a cell phone he could use. Both said no obviously. Says "k", then asks if we had a car he could borrow. Lol nope, then he walked away and disappeared into Bush behind us. weirdest person encounter ever

I was at a speedway once and there was some guy in there saying weird random shit. He kept saying borderline racist shit to the black guy working the register. Calling him Michael Jordan or something and talking about how white men CAN jump. Then he asked if he was in Indiana or Georgia, (the correct answer would be Kentucky), and then walked out. Never even bought anything kek.

>>603620723

>mid-west fag

>>603608292
6/10 just cause I'm a dad and automatically like puns.

>Be working at supermarket in college
>be stocking shelf
>cashier girl comes up to me with some chicken
>'hey um do um d-do you ... do you know where... where does um this go?'
>she turns redder than the trail of tears
> look at her for a second 'uh are you okay?'
>shoves chicken in my hands and darts off saying something like '...yeah just wana... get the fuck outta here'
>'...Okay then...'
never talked to her again

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>be smoking a cig in a pedestrian/bike tunnel
>guy jumps down from the road side
>lands almost like spiderman
>he's gasping for air like he just ran a mile
>leaves and shit all in his hair
>hands cuffed up front
>asks for a smoke
>light a smoke for him since his hands are cuffed
>he says thanks, says he escaped out of a police van and runs off

>>603620878
Kentucky is pretty much considered the south

1st grade... my sister's friend (third grader) she used to always give my sister these gummy bears and when i'd ask she'd always say no.. I really wanted one. One day when we were hanging out she asked me if i wanted a gummy bear.. I said of course and she said only if i laid down in the closet.. I said fine. So I was in this closet and she pulls my pants down and starts sucking my dick. I didn't even know what was going on at the time since i was a kid. She sucks for a few minutes and then her mom started calling for us. We get out and then i ask for a gummy bear. Still said no. oh well.

so in short, i was sexually molested by a 3rd grader when I was in 1st grade and it bothers me some times.

>>603616626

You literally made no sense.

>>603617292
2007's didn't look to bad, better than everything between that and first gen.

>>603620640
See
>>603617457
>>603617855

And well, I experimented with a lotta drugs and took it upon myself to try and understand all that I could by thinking relentlessly about literally everything. Analyzing every detail possible, expanding on those thoughts, etc

Doing all this, I basically got trapped in my own mind and began to block the world out. I only realized because miraculously one day I managed to shut my head down completely and in that clarity was able to reflect on the fact that my thinking was detaching me from reality.

Since then I've barely thought at all, and my illness is clearing up more and more each day. Peter the polish wiseman was a saint. I didn't really believe in fate until I met him.

From then on, I've ran into similar people. I learned from him that thinking too much really does distract us. Many many people are caught in some sort of mental matrix where they're not paying attention to the present and therefore losing touch with their truthselves.

Seems like a load of hippy bullshit, I know, but I'm quite a logical person and wouldn't kid myself. Seen a lot of weird things in my life, but these occurrences have no doubt made an impression on me. I'm glad for them regardless of the fact that I could just be nuts. I was nuts, I know that, but now I see things for what they are

>>603621401

Ahhh - thought midwest because there's a Speedway on every fucking corner out there.

>>603616934
I'm bi but heavily favor females
I'll never have a relationship with a dude, just fwb
I might consider a relationship with a trans