It's the truth but? I would've given you a raise young man.

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>>601855297

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>>601856151

>>601856151
>>601856274
Story?

>>601856151
>>601856274
yeah wtf did u do?

>>601856581
Not me, some guy got fired on a Friday and used the weekend to wreck the workplace with an excavator.

correction
>ITT: Things that got people fired

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jG5Q-EZHRE

>driver for Pizza Hut
>some guy calls in a delivery
>show up to his house
>cop car in his driveway
>"lol whatever"
>guy opens the door
>signs his receipt
>"You smell like alcohol, son. Let me give you a breathalyzer test or I'll call your manager."
>"Ugh, okay."
>get tested by this customer
>fail miserably
>he calls my manager and then arrests me

Fucking Pizza Hut customers.

>>601858757
Oh, shit.

>uni gap year
>soul crushing job as a cctv operator
>max boredom
>autistic overlord that would watch hours of recorded footage for no reason
>night shift
>smoke weed and fall asleep at controls
>wake up
>see full blown riot in middle distance on high street
>zoom in
>missed part where cop gets stomped and becomes a tard
>no conviction
>'it's all your fault anon, gtfo.'
>bye bye worst job in world

I haven't gotten fired from any job.

>>601858757
Shouldn't have blown him, dude.

>>601858757
so you drink before you deliver pizzas? what the fuck moron

>>601856641
>Almost got him fired
but still, kek

>mcds
>17
>manager always yelling about how tomatos not properly placed on bun
>one day I put too many tomatos on for shits and grins
>loses his shit
>tell me im worthless
>say nothing
>throw hat in deep fryer
>leave
>burn uniform with gas when I get home

>>601859631
No, faggot. I was drinking WHILE I delivered pizzas.

>>601859056
>high street
please tell me columbus

>>601858757
Fucking pigs.

>>601859813
what a treat your life must be

I'm not stupid enough to have people I work with added to any social media, or give an email address that leads to anything

>>601859813
kek

>>601858757
lol dumb shit

>go in to put my two weeks in for work
>been real tired of this movie theater for a while
>go in at 11, only one manager and two closing staff
>walk through the door, instantly verbally assaulted by manager for another employees mistake
>nod, let it go
>get to the lounge where I was going to pick up the schedule
>over a dozen passive aggressive memos from managers posted around the lounge
>get tired of it in that moment
>rip them all off the walls, toss them
>flip table
>spit in managers tervis cup
>walk out, tell them not to reschedule me
didn't really get fired, just quit before I would've been surely fired

>>601856794
>ITT: shit that got you fired :^(

>>601858757
You know where that cop fag lives throw some termites on his house and poor Diesel fuel on his lawn

>>601859763
>implying you're even 17
>"burnt with gas" makes you seem fucking 12

>>601859836
kekd

>>601860544
ah, a fellow skeptic!
*tips fedora*
: ^) what brings you to this site, my good sir?

>>601859056
dude, thats my dream job. how do you get it?

>>601860544
seemed like a good idea at the time

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>>601860784
>dream job

bomber pilot in austria
big air show in salzburg
drop fake bomb for show
hit old man becaouse of wrong wind parameter
head crushed
people scream and shit
leave plane with hot seat
plane crash into local airport tower
no one was harmed
left austria

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>>601855297
Really, that got you fired?

>>601856794
Kek'd

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>be me working at Target
>was taking a lot of painkillers
>hadn't shit for 3 days
>realize my body is insisting that I shit
>i can't hold it, my body will not allow me to
>it's either my pants or the toilet
>go to the handicap bathroom, more privacy
>something evil is lurking in my rectum
>it's been harnessing energy for 3 full days
>one end turtles
>my rectum is already in pain, i can't take it for much longer
>incredible journey as i reach 1/3rd of the shit
>suddenly i get it a little further out
>making progress, slowly but surely
>i hear from right outside the door
>"oh my god what is that smell?"
>they spray a bunch of air freshener around the door
>some of it actually recoils off the floor and goes in my shit pit
>god dammit
>recognized one of the voices, it was a really cute co-worker
>FUCK
>i push a little harder
>shit violently escapes my ass in one thick long log, my brain is overloaded with pain
>ass bleeds
>swear I saw an apparition of my self telling me to take a stool softener
>somehow through all of this i've developed a boner and pre-came a little
>what the fuck is wrong with me
>i flush
>it doesn't flush
>"fuck this"
>leave bathroom, looks like no one notices
>walk around like i've won the lottery
>suddenly realize my asshole is more or less gaping from my shit
>i'm just leaving a shitty smell trail everywhere i walk
>go to axe aisle, make sure no ones around
>spray in my pants, spread cheeks and spray asshole a little
>forgot my ass was bleeding
>immediate regret
>pain subsides
>cute co-worker comes up to me
>"hey anon, are you okay?"
>"y-yeah"
>i walk away
>go home without telling anyone
>never go back

>>601860863
sorry, I aspire for nothing more than income. I love ass sitting jobs and I like spying with cameras. So yes, dream job.

>>601861100

i didnt get fired...just kinda said fuck it

>>601861100
wat the fuck

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>>601855297

>retail worker
>Store GM is massive faggot
>Is shit at his job
>Constantly makes mistakes and never gets shit because plebs take the blame for him
>these plebs then get promoted
>store is a clusterfuck due to this shitty management
>GM tells me I don't do enough work
>spend my entire brake writing a letter of complaint about him
>Manager hands it to GM
>Turns out the letter had been passed around the entire store, everybody agreed with what I wrote
>GM rages so hard he cant even talk to me
>spends the next 4 months trying to sack me
>I leave before he has the pleasure

Didn't really get me fired but it was worth it, that little cunt hasn't done an honest days work in his life and now everybody that didn't know does.

>>601860435
Diesel fuel can't melt grass beams

>>601858757
You're a fucking dumbass
He had no right to give you a breathalyzer test without your consent even if he smelled alcohol on you.

If he calls your manager, big whoop. He asks and you get your ass chewed. At least there's no solid evidence you're hammered

>>601855297
Came in late 3 times. 3 times in the 4 years I worked there and they weren't at all close together occurrences.

It was a shit job anyway. I found a new job a few weeks later that paid way more. Now it's 3 years later and I'm making almost 3 times what I made at the place that fired me.

The managers were total faggots.

>working in machine shop
>did shitty job mowing lawn

>working in machine shop
>did shitty job mowing the lawn

I'm getting fire for a stupid fucking reason.
Because I have keys to the store and i'm usually the only one there until at least 3pm. I smoke cigs i'm a fiend for nicotine..
anyway I go and smoke sometimes when were dead and let myself back in the secured area (we got bullet proof glass everywhere) with my keys..
Well they don't like that. and so they are going to fire me because of it. without warning.

>>601860983
>no one was harmed

cause fuel cant melt steel beams

5 years ago, i was washing dishes in a fucking shitty pizzeria. I fucking hated that place and all the people who worked with me. I knew the boss girl since highschool, so one day I invited her on a date, got her fuckin drunk as hell and fucked her hard. The next day when I came for working my boss started to shitblast me shit like always, so I said to him that I fucked his girl in the ass, and she was moaning like a fucking monkey, and that his fucking pizzeria is the owrst fuckin shithole in the word. then I joined the army and my life went better.

ps: thats a true fucken story.

>>601861164
kek how much income is that job though

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>>601862023
>mfw jet fuel can't melt steel beams

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>Pizza hut worker
>Be working with dbag driver as i am cook
>Come from back after restroom walk in freezer door flies open
>Stick boot out and hands up make it come to imidiate stop
>He gets wind knocked out of him
>threatens me wont stop after 10 mins i say ima leave manager, she says ok
>leave get call to come back
>come back to talk about it and he starts again
>He calls cops on me lies said i threatened with gun
>Cops brutally slam my ass against car ground search car find nothing
>give me a wreck-less operation ticket (beat the ovi cuz i had mouthwash in my car i stay at friends homes and have decent hygiene) when i wasnt even driving
>I refuse to sign go to jail get ass beat and tazed for head banging to Metallica on the jail tv
>get out and find out i am fired for threatening employees and being drunk
>wtf wasnt even drunk didnt threaten have vm showing i was called to come back but still fired
>Call gov get unemployment for wrongful termination and show their lies.
>I win and get school grants and unemployment now


Still never got final paycheck mailed to me though and am banned from calling the store or going there

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>>601855297
I got laid off for fucking my boss's wife, she called me to clean her pool and we just did it, and I got caught

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>>601862045
You sound exactly like the kind of dingus that would do both of those things
>joining the army

huehue

>>601862098
At least minimum wage, which in my state, is all I need. Low bills, grandmas inheritance, and all that.

>>601862339
what the fuck is a fuckin dingus? worry english is not my 1st language ahah

>>601860077
15 year old detected

>>601855297
Writing "clean me" in marker on a stainless steel table that nobody cleaned the day prior, to me working.
I almost got fired, but I spit on the table and smeared it off with a rag when my manager turned his back for a second.
"There, it's gone"
And I walked away.

>>601862150
>I win and get school grants and unemployment now

How long have you been on unemployment? Gaps in employment on your resume can be detrimental to your future jobseeking.

>>601862045

Your lack of good grammar has left me wondering if the girl was the boss' daughter or his significant other?

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> be me
>1985
>work at nice mine, not very hard work.
>one day mine allows women to stat working
>me and a some co workers get all pissed
>Women are stealing jobs from the men.
>about a month or so later
>they start putting porta janes in the mine
>Laststraw.gif
>we wait till 5/10 chick goes to bathrrom
>Starting rocking porta jane back and forth
>The chick is freaking out
>Suddenly, the douches and the other end let go
>Portajane falls over
Shit and blue water all over chick
She goes home, never comes back
>mfw fired
>mfw Company Sued
>Mfw north country

>>601860380
i saved this thread, twat

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>>601862584

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check em

>>601862609
2 months tops atm, I realize that it is going to become a problem but I keep applying at jobs with no luck in landing interview yet because of lack of former job reference

>>601862150
What did you even fucking type

Jesus Christ I hope you don't get hired anywhere again.

>>601862758
the correct word is 'archived'

>>601862003
quit smoking then dumb ass

>>601862866
fuck you and your dubs

>>601858757
u deserved

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>>601863005
the correct word is 'love'

check em

>>601862680
sorry m8 im not very good in english, im a french canadian fag, it was the boss daughter.

>>601859056
I wish bad things for you

>>601855297
Got fired from CPA firm for giving a partner a hard time about her disobeying independence requirements

>>601855297
I threatened to post this video. Fired. So here it is:

http://youtu.be/fkSlDYeT4K4

>>601863183
please elaborate

>>601863308
It's..it's nothing

>>601863524
L...look closer...

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I lost my job as a bus driver in the UK a while ago.
>Be me driving the bus
>Banging headache, huge argument with wife
>Bunch of chavy 15-18 year olds get on
>One of them doesn't have any money, I tell him he can't get on the bus
>"Oi fam let me on I'll pay back 2morrow I swear fam"
>Tell him no, rules are rules
>the little ratty shit starts getting of the bus giving me lip, saying "I'll sort you out absolute wasteman you got a shit job ect."
>Seriously not in the mood for this bullshit
>His mates are sitting on the bus yelling at me to let him on
>I get up and shout at chavshit "No I don't give a fuck about my job, you fucking come on this bus and sort me out, You fucking try you little cunt"
>He's baffled obviously wasn't ready
>I start getting off the bus and he fucking legs it
>Get reported that night by somebody, the way I reacted to the situation was against protocol
>Get my ass fired

It's fine, I've got a better job as a security guard at the local college

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>>601861100
I can tell anon's telling the truth because of the small amount of semen. When I was hooked on hydrocodone, my constipation shits would make this happen sometimes.

>>601862609
I always just say "Attending school" for mine.

I was on Coursera and watching free lectures on Youtube most of the time anyway. Though it annoys me to know that if I had had the money to attend those schools and actually turn in the classwork the real students got, I'd have a bachelors in neurobiology by now.

>>601863308
> shit scratching sounds
Nothing happens at all

>>601862609
I got gaps in mine too, but I'm retarded so they gotta hire me or they're discriminating

>>601861100
Looooooooooooooool

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>>601862584

I got fired from Walmart for harassment
>be outside chatting with the boys on break
>woman walks up
>we're cussing up a storm
>"please don't cuss around me i get offended" she says
>"oh sorry' I say
>go back to chatting up with the boyzzz, still cussing
>"please don't say those words around me"
>I reply "what words do you not like? shit motherfucker shit ass tits cunt cock nigger?"
>she has no reaction
>next day boss calls me to the back room
>apparently I was reported by her
>get fired for harassment

>>601864400
kill yourself scum

>>601864180
That's a junior housing minister towards the end, shown somewhat bizarrely; so maybe there's a hidden message.

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>>601858757

>stupid as shit for driving drunk
>even stupider for consenting to a breathalyzer to an off-duty cop whom you're delivering pizza to.

And this is why you're an alcoholic pizza-deliverer. Just smoke some weed every couple hours on your shift, stash your shit in the parking lot. You're stoned for your trash-tier menial job and you can't get in trouble.

>>601864627
You mad bro?

>>601855297
taking time off of work to sit outside the mother of my child's school and make sure she wasn't skipping and cheating on me.
I was at the back door, she went out the front, I got fired.

>>601861708
kek

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I have never been fired, though, I've done some weird shit.

>be 17
>go to boarding school
>always thought that jokes involving poop was the funniest
>have hidden talent
>dead skin always amass in my gluteal cleft (ass crack)
>peel the dead skin off by rolling it into a little black hard piece of the remains of skin, shit and hairs
>so keke, holy fuck
>i collect these black berries in a zip-bag that carries a horrid smell of poop and mold
>6 months passes as i collect
>the bag has been replaced by a bigger and i got a plan of what to do with it
>intentionally i wanted to put them in the dough of the morning bread, but it ended up in the friday-burgers. At mealtime the entire school, including teachers, students, the kitchen staff, prehaps even teachers kids, would gather to eat together.
>i sneak it in while the kitchen staff had lunch, also that week i was working in the kitchen
fuck greentext, the pic is me

>>601861100
Fuck.
Reminds me of when I got out of jail.
I didn't shit for 6 days because of the food.
6 days.
I don't shit for like 3 more days.
When I finally do.
I lost 7lb's, and gained a wider bootyhole.

>>601864725
u must be fun at parties faggot

>>601864903
That's.... Real fucking neato

Working on the computers for a postal office. In a small window of opportunity where I was left alone in the office, I took the kettle into the adjacent toilet and took a sneaky shit in it. Finished up before the ultimate paper-cut-whinging faggot squad came back. MFW they smelt it as soon as they walked in the door. Literally ran away when they were 'investigating' (Yes, I am a retard)

>>601864903
Try harder, faggot.

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>>601865242

Pointing out this guy's incredibly obvious mistakes makes me a fun-hater right?

And who acts like they do at a party on an anonymous imageboard? Who the fuck judges people for how the type on an anonymous imageboard?

Re-evaluate yourself faggot.

>>601855297
>Limousine driver for spoiled prom queens
>one night 2 girls and 3-4 guys enter drunk out of their minds BEFORE the party they were headin to
>they mess with the driver window all the time and throw garbage in my neck
>i get pissed off
>stop the car.. Open the passanger door, pull one pizzaface spoiled brat motherfucker out of the car and give him a few punches to the face
>they report that
>i get fired
>no charges against me
>everythingwentbetterthenexpected.jpg

>>601865193
Well, that's what happens when you get it regularly packed back in by your cellie.

Worked as a customer service rep taking calls for net2phone / penny talk. Boss said hey you have to take this next call you can't hang up on him because he knows the DA and is threatening to sue the company for his calls not connecting. Dude is a full on asswhole but we have no choice.

I took the call, listened to him bitch for 30min and call ended. Corporate refused to handle this and made us handle it. So after that bull shit I started stealing credit card info, Fucking people's accounts up if they were pissy just shutting the account off, then just played web games and wouldn't answer the phone for entire shifts. About 5 weeks into that they fired me for call avoidance and walked me out. I don't regret shit either. I also faked my sales numbers to win a contest while there for 100 bucks. They also gave me a free Xbox for another contest. It was worth it lol

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>>601865631
lol y u mad m8

>>601864903
mlord

>>601864702
go on. (sources?)

>>601865840
>>601865325
>>601865193
>>601864809

Can you faggots even greentext?

>>601863650
This is a shitty video and I still don't understand/care

>>601865840
>asswhole

>>601860435
I would recommend to throw sgitloads of salt. That ruins the lawn

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>my first job
>1999
>work after high school for gardening shop
>place sells soil, fertilizer, gardening supplies, plants, etc.
>manager cunt is a hippy dippy space case fuck face feminist wannabe
>pay is garbage, $6.50 CAD / hour
>work itself was ok, easy-ish, boring, whatever
>one day manager says "we need to have a talk"
>sits down in office, tells me I don't love plants enough
>plants need love to thrive
>my eyes roll back and I think about bacon while she talks
>she is annoyed because I'm not paying attention
>"anon, get with it or you're outta here!"
>I say "yes ma'am" and go back to work
>actually try to tend to plants more and whatnot
>I actually like gardening, I grow lots of smoke-able plants
>doesn't matter that I took her advice, she is mega cunt
>weeks pass and she treats me like garbage more and more
>shitty tasks, annoying condescension, emasculating quips
>miserable.png
>one night I use keys to open outside gate
>disable alarm system
>open every bag of soil and fertilizer inside main building
>bring in hose, turn on
>leave, never go back
>entire place filled with liquid diarrhea mud, everything completely ruined
>got arrested, no money and faggot parents so no help
>underage so no criminal record
>mfw everything went better than expected
>fuck that bitch

>>601863308

>surveillance art

>>601861578
>spend my entire brake
>brake

> be me, Pharmacy Technician
> start at compounding pharmacy.
> fucking dream job. 9-6, m-f, $11.75
> be new and slow trying to get the hang of things
> old guy as boss. Gets mad at me one day for not being nationally certified.
> mfw that wasn't part of the prerequisites, asswipe.
> week passes, I have to go home because bad panic attack. He gets mad. Wtf am I supposed to do?
>Another week passes. Wants me to prepare compound.
> "I can't. I'm allergic to menthol. I told you this in the interview." "Well then why the hell did I hire you?" "Ill make it but you're paying my hospital bill." We both get mad and I go to the back and get high on my .5 mg ativan prescription (took 4mg worth)
> Few weeks pass. Gets mad at me for touching the thermostat. Its fucking 80 in there and I'm boiling.
> getting better and faster.
> calls me on labor day "I don't think you're a good fit. You don't have to come in anymore." >Whatever. File for unemployment and win. Was willing to go to court to get it.
> mfw I had my dream job and lost it cuz I couldn't match his speed. Whatever. Ill apply again when he dies. All my coworkers were mad at him for firing me.

If you need a compound filled in ft wayne indiana don't go to medicine chest.

>>601865815
Been to jail?
Not full of faggots.
Prison on the other hand.

>2015
>not self-employed
>mfw

>>601866099
Yup.
Can you even, like, totally, not get your balls in a bunch, you fucking oldfagwannabenazi.

>>601864626
I respect you cause you showed the oversensitive bitch what for.
I disrespect you cause you dont watch out for oversensitive bitches who will totally report you for shit like that.

>>601855297
playing poker in the employee bathroom

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>>601866489

>being this autistic

>>601866894
Go do your homework, kid

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>>601866432
>my eyes roll back and I think about bacon while she talks
mmm, meats

>>601866802
Can confirm. No faggots where I was locked up for a while. I believe they would have been killed.

>>601866894
THIS

People who insist "I can't read it if it isn't green! omg!!!!!!1" can go fuck themselves. You can read letters on a monitor. Do it.

>/b/ me
>first day at call center
>setting appointments for chiropractor
>keep getting hung up on, and various nasty scenarios
>people are assholes
>getting pist
>next lady be like "i dont believe in chiropractors."
>alright fuck this job
>"Well, ma'am, they're real, IVE SEEN'UM"
>boss directly behind me
>lasted a whole hour before being walked out
>best check ive ever cashed at the local check cashing place

>>601867036

>can't spell simple words because retarded

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>>601867134
>kid

You have nothing to retort with.
So resort to subtle agitating triggers.
Alrighty, kiddo.
:insert:lecoolmonkeymeme.png:

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>>601865692

for doing what his father should've done
i hereby declare you my official alpha dog of the week!
it is an honor to surf this board with you

>>601867709
Beautiful

>be me
>2004
>working in a blockbuster
>shit job for even shittier pay
>90% of the customers are regular returning ppl
>one giant duchebag (customer) always threats me like shit, complains about anything and threatens me to call manager whenever i even try to argue with him
>enough_is_enough.jpeg
>weeks later his kids showup to rent some disney shit
>put gayporn dvd inside and feel like a devil
>realize this will get me fired as the manager already doesnt like me, so decide to push it up a notch
>open faggots account and add few more movies to it as "never returned"
>all porn titles
>2 day later manager calls me and tells me i am fired and shouldnt come to work anymore

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>Get a job at wally world
>Was barely trained, just rolled with co-workers and asked them
>2 Months in
>Getting the hang of things
>Have to stock 10-15 Pallets of stuff with a coworker every night, so job isnt that easy
>One night get stuck on dairy/deli/etc
>Go to stock the eggs
>A whole pallet of eggs is smashed, egg shit ALL OVER THE PLACE
>Try to tell my supervisor
>She blows me off
>Ask Coworkers
>Continue stocking from the other eggs we had
>Later that night
>Supervisor shows up in a fucking rage
>Say i tried to tell her, and asked everyone else. But we we're very busy and didn't have time
>Get fired for it
>She tells me im not fit for any job in the store at all(Your a piece of shit)
>Call her a belligerent cunt who can't even line up duties properly for $15 people
>Walk out
>Get a job at a local gas station run by family friends and locals entirely
>Piss easy
>Coworkers are cool
>Mfw it pays the same
>Turns out she tried to make a 8 month pregnant employee lift a large pallet alone
>She was suspended for it

>>601867709
Bank?

>>601868083
Since when did Blockbuster ever carry pron?

Fired for off-duty hi-jinks that got posted to interwebz

> riding bus in Chico, California with buddy filming
> we sit in the back and start making fun of drunk retard guy
> Me: what is your destination sir?
> Retard: Going to QWERTY to see my mom. What are you guys up to?
> Me: We're going to QWERTY to get a piece of ass.
> Retard: (offended & pointing to camera) Does that record sound too?
> Me: Yeah, we're gonna film a bunch of dumb asses for a video.
> He challenges me to a fight.
> Bus stops at 1st & Main
> We square off
> Retard: Are you Joe Frazier?? (kicks me in leg)
> KO his drunk retarded ass with one punch
> Nigger comes up and threatens me. Hippie tells me I suck.

15 minutes later all 3 of us are back in the same seats on the bus and the retard has a shiner where I clocked him.

Buddy edited and posted the video. I was proud of my one punch KO until it got popular, boss saw it and fired me from my job as a security guard. . . "I can't have a guard who goes looking for trouble."

┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐ him.

>>601868239
They didn't, he is bad liar

>>601868330
your terrible at lying

>>601868374
Yeah, they did.
Just like the chain "Family Video" carried porn.
That was back when music came on magic flat disks and movies were mostly on tapes.

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>Be working job I loved
>Really stormy one day
>Can't get car out of driveway
>Call coworker to pick me up
>His car stuck too, getting a ride with boss
>"OK pick me up along the way, you gotta drive past my house anyways"
>Getting my boots and shit back on
>Open door to go meet them just as company van drives by
>Didn't even stop to pick me up
>lol ok ill take the day off and sex gf and play vidya
>Get called half an hour later
>"Why didn't you make it to work Anon?
>"WTF bitch you were supposed to pick me up, you drive right past my house as I was going out the door"
>"Don't bother coming in anymore, you don't work here anymore"
>mfw
>Lol at her on the phone and hang up
>Next day calls me in to go back to work

>>601868765
>your terrible at lying

You're terrible at grammar.

Here is a forum talking about my KO... unfortunately the Jewtube was deleted.

It was even on punchbaby

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=732707&page=1&s=9ded68681d3516e9b4af3c5ee1fb3283

>>601868931
I have a family video in my town they just came a year ago and they still carry porn

>>601868134
nigga checksmart IS a bank

>>601869404
Jesus.
That place is a virus.
They shutdown blockbuster essentially.

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Got kicked out of computer science for putting this on the teachers white board behind him

>>601865193
Don't lie, jamal. You got the wider bootyhole in prison, didn't you?

>>601861100
>cute co-worker
>gender bathrooms
fag detected

Not me, but my ex got fired for an epic klutz rampage

>was working at Tim Hortons
>floor had just been mopped
>she slips on the floor
>falls into the the Timbit bin
>somehow gashes her arm open on the side of the bin
>bleeds all over the timbits
>goes to get a towel to wrap her arm
>slips agains, sprays blood into the fryer
>panics, tries to scoop the blood out of the fryer with the basket (she thought she'd be able to get the blood out so they wouldn't have to drain the fryer to clean it)
>fails, splashes hot grease all over herself
>drops the basket, spills grease everywhere
>panics, slips on the grease and falls THROUGH a drywall wall
>manager comes in, blood and grease everywhere and a huge hole in the wall
>fires her

That was her last strike because she'd unknowingly accepted 200.00 in counterfeit money a few days before.

>>601870626
she can sue for injury

Not fired, but my boss will ever discover my secret I will be fired and put in jail for long time

I’ve been working as a police officer. But the truth is I never got a degree. I lived on the streets as a criminal. Then I just went to the police office to get free food in the cafeteria. Nobody cared, since it was a big office they didn’t know everyone so they just figured I worked there. As soon as I came every day I started talking with other officers who worked there and pretended to also be a cop. As I talked I learned a lot about the job so one day I decided to steal myself a uniform. I told the chief I didn’t get my wages and made a story about my files were lost and so they “re-made” me a police officer. Turned out I’m a pretty good cop. I done many Interrogations, arrested people and even fired some. Also making a good buck out of it.

>>601870796
or she could gag on some cock

>>601870796
She... was not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Sweet girl, but she sure fit that blonde stereotype. Very clumsy too. She hurt herself in bizarre ways all the time.

> Be low level analyst
> get funny nigger joke in email
> gotta share
> reply to Outlook group
> boss is in Outlook group
> oops....fired

Was really sorry to get fired and no idea how to explain job loss to interviewers.

Lessons learned
1. Don't forward NSFW material
2. Don't use Outlook groups unless absolutely necessary
3. Don't use "copy all"

>>601871035
right

>>601871035
That's terrible!

>>601871056
She did actually rather like giving head. Pretty good at it too. Good thing, because she was terrified of penis in her vagina.

>>601871035

Don't believe you, but if real, you are truly a hero.

>>601871400
it's also certainly true

>>601859763
McDonald's doesn't use tomatoes

>>601868330
if that really happened (which i assume it didn't)
your boss is right

>>601865692
you have some serious problems buddy. dont those limos come with a fucking screen so the passengers and drivers are separated?

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>>601870295
If that was the case, than why didn't my poop come out with ease.
Please, call me J-Rod.

>be busboy at restaurant
>Coastal Tourist town in summer
>girls on vacation everywhere
>sell them weed
>get blown
>one day go too far
>back room where they keep bread and other shit
>take some girl there while I am working
>smoke some strong shit
>Start messing around
>End up fucking her
>slamming it home balls deep
>door busts open
>it's the owner of the restaurant
>she's yelling at to close the fucking door
>he flips his shit grabs me
>drags me out the back
>I'm fired
>some fuckers snap pics of me with my dick hanging out and laugh

For some reason, I had a Viagra level boner for an hour after that experience.

>>601866954
Lol

>>601866518
>dream job
> 9-6 m-f $11.75
shoot for the stars anon

>they mess with the driver window all the time and throw garbage in my neck
>>601872662

>>601861708
Top kek

>>601872196

It happened just as I said it did. Here is the only thread left on the web talking about it (it occurred in about 2005).

Fortunately for me, my buddy's Jewtube got cancelled.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=732707&page=1&s=9ded68681d3516e9b4af3c5ee1fb3283

>>601873171
>theyre drunk teens. ignore them, drop them off, never worry about them again.

>>601863704
>I'll sort you out

Only a britfaggot would consider this a threat

>"am i being iced out? after all the shit i did? are you seriously trying to ice me out so you can take on [name redacted]'s little bitch? dude i knew you were a piece of shit but fuck you... seriously"

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>>601868330
faggot

>>601862003
>going to fire me without warning
>this able to talk about impending firing
Just admit you're a lazy priece of shit and don't make up bullshit for strangers to console you.

>>601873116
I did. They sent a missile to get me down. Now I'm stuck in home healthcare. $8/hr. 3-11. Fuck my life

>>601864903
A true hero

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>>601855297
>boss is a constantly drunk 23 yr old female
>be 24
>we go out drinking after work alot
>shes qt, but sleeps around all the damn time
>get drunk enough
>bang her
>shes passed out all day
>playing fallout nv
>refuse to give her ride back to her house as im busy playing fallout
>get fired
> :(
sad thing was this was only like a week ago

Showed up to work hungover. They could still smell alcohol on me since I was still technically drunk.

Oh well, I'm back in school doing something with my life at least.

>working retail
>customers price comes out to 55.66
>"Nice dubs fag"

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>>601855297
Sonic ?

>>601863704
Whats the colleges name?

>>601874168
I'm not op, just pointing it out. Friend.

>>601875522
On my way out the door at Arby's.
I went into the freezer and ripped open the bread that was in boxes.
Freezer burnt that shit.
No buns for no one.

>>601864809
U foking wot m8

>>601866518
Honestly you sound like a pussy. Id fire you too.

>Be me, working for amusement park's Halloween attractions
>This is my third year working, and I know my way around stunts
>Come in high almost every shift to get dressed up and scream at people
>One day, people in my haunted house plan a drinking party on shift
>Bring in plastic bottle full of shit vodka
>Pass through pleb security and start drinking before we are set to scare
>Assfag reports us for having alcohol
>Half my haunted house is drunk off my supply
>Escorted to park security room by 10 security fags
>Grill us all for 30 minutes, asking where bottle came from
>Nobody breaks.
>Tell us to breathalyze or forfeit our jobs
>MFW not 21
>MFW drunk as fuck
>Refuse to blow and get fired.
>8 out of 12 people in that attraction got fired cause they drank.

>>601872840
closet little spoon

Nicr

>>601862584

It's a word that is to replace a name when one cannot remember, or does not know, another's name.

"Hey there, Jim!" becomes "Hey there, dingus!"

>>601862866

He meant, he saved it from 404 doom.

>>601867286
There was one faggot on second floor and he stayed in is cell and saw him once.. Skinny faggot nigger with dreadlocks, everyone pointed him out before I even got to my own cell on first floor lol..

>>601867810
Lol stop being butthurt kiddo, that seriously sets you off? Being called a kid? That's really.. What's the word, childish.

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>>601878461
>implying it doesn't set off most these mouth breathers.
You're cute.
We're friends.

>Be paperboy
>For 2 years, dump papers in large dumpster behind store
>Finally caught when some fag starts complaining
>apologize, say it was a one time mistake
>continue doing what I do for 3 months
>one day papers stop arriving
>company didn't even bother to tell me I was fired

>>601862757
saw a movie with this you fag

>>601868239
>2012
>Work in mom's law office
>10$/hr
>Eat m&m's and browse 4chan all day
>Sometimes I have to organize files
>Get fired by mom and told to go "get a real job"
>Was probably decent advice
>Work at Target now

>>601867810
>confirmed underage

>hungover from previous day
> been sick to much already
> decide to go in drunk so no hangover
> got rum because someone told it didn't smell
> protip; it does fuck bad
> he meant vodka
> come in drunk as fuck
> call centre for an isp
> haven't started yet
> supervisor comes and asks if I can come with
> ohcrap.jpeg
> asks if i've been drinking cause of the smell
> "No sir, the smell is from yesterday"
> Sends me home to shower
> I go home, drink more.
> Come in again absolutely wasted
> He see
> Oops.mp5
> brings me home in his car 15 miles away
> fired
> take first train back
> drink more
> remember almost nothing after that
> legend at the office after this
> 4/10 would not reccommend

walked into work one morning so disassociated from the previous night's drug use that I couldn't figure out how to speak properly, I knew exactly what I was trying to say but it just came out like a drooling tard and the boss straight up told me to get the fuck out and never come back. My actual job performance wasn't really suffering but apparently not being able to bullshit with everyone else was the last straw.

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>>601879011
caught me

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>>601878959
>Be superstore worker (like wal mart but upscale groceries)
>Work in fish department as fish monger
>do a little work, talk to customers cause so bored
>spend 90% of my time spraying hot water into sink from shower faucet
>stoned, zoned out, breath steam deep
>one day manager shows up, orders me over so he can talk to me
>informs me Im the best dam employee in store
>he watches from balcony, always sees me cleaning and working
>mfw

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Not moving out of the way

>>601859813
good you got what you had coming to you. doesn't really surprise anyone you work at a pizza hut faggot

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>Be me, 10, 2006
>Ask mum if I can do chores
>Says "You can go clean the car"
>K den
>Gets A ton of Cola bottles and sprays them on the car
>My dumb fuck mind thought Cola could e used to clean car exteriors
>Paint comes off
>ohshit:1,000,000GB.PNG
>Car is red so I find my old crayons
>Colour the parts that have no paint on
>A lot of work went into hiding that shit
>Gets hose and sprays car
>Crayon comes off
>Mum comes outside
>I owe her money
>Hopefully goodboy points will be enough

>>601879617
>implying a glass proves anything

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>>601879968
You're a faggot, and I'm an alcoholic. It's ok

>>601867810
kid confirm

>>601879862
-0.0000000000000001/100

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>>601880122
Cumtouchme

>Be Gigolo
>Rapes someone
>Fired

>>601880098
I believe you that you are an alcoholic for lack of coming up with anything better to say but you're still being childish.

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>>601872079

Look at this newfag

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>>601879701
>Working as roofer
>Not getting along with business owner, jewish guy has dradle up his ass
>constantly bitching at us for being too slow, cuts corners at our expense
>has office in strip joint, demands we spend our pay there
>one day roofing million dollar mansion
>owners own house, takes off to fuck stripper girlfriend
>110* F out, skin burns on contact with shingle
>has pool out back, we take a break
>left back door open. we raid fridge, steal beers and food
>improv pool party
>owner gets back, freaks the fuck out
>we all quit
>still laugh at him when we see him

>>601862148
But it can burn Kroger uniform shirts. So can charcoal lighter fluid.

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>>601880538
You actually replied to something that held value. If anyone is being a bit of a child, it's you for rehashing a dead discussion.
Here, I've got gin.
I know how much chicks like Gin.

>>601880907
I've always wondered about these fuck up bosses that this happens to.. Do they change after this happens to them and become nice bosses? Do they tell anyone ? Are they ashamed and keep it a life secret?

>>601856794
I'd love to have witnessed that. I guess it would be like a slow motion mechanical tantrum.

>>601879010

Bahahahaha

ps target is not a real job

>>601881431
Nope, once a Jew, always a Jew.
He probably hired more mexicans and ex cons, who quit after 3-4 weeks.

>>601876762
So I'm a pussy for having a panic attack, being allergic to menthol, and turning the heat down? Yeah. Totally. You try working for him. He verbally abused everyone.

>>601880677
those were actually kinda good in a bizarre way

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>>601879617
>thinks a le drink makes him less of a child

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>>601880907
>working in call center
>ally bank subcontractor
>management shit sandwich, unobtainable quotas for calls, constantly have multiple supervisors bitching
>goes on for months like this
>on my 27th final warning for some other shit
>decide ive had enough
>spend the entire night transferring balances to the wrong places
>flagging accounts for fraud
>telling customers ally bank are jews who steal money
>calling up past "problem" customer and telling them their accounts are closed and I stole the money
>leave in morning like nothings wrong
>cops at door next day
>ask if I was at work last night
>inform them someone stole my key card and Id been home all night sleeping
>they spent 9 months trying to convict me
>never actually fired me

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>be police officer
>chasing down 2 baddies
>shoot and kill one of them
>other one shoots me
>go in to coma for months
>wake up
>door to my hospital room is locked
>no nurse comes when I call
>wait a few hours for nurse to come
>never comes
>bust door open
>place is deserted and a mess, trash everywhere
>walk around looking for someone
>zombies

And that's how I lost my job, the zombie apocalypse of 2010.

>>601882542
why would you post that

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>>601866518
>I have to go home because bad panic attack
You sound like a whinny bitch and this confirms it. I'd have fired your shitty ass too.

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>>601881222
I don't even know what you're trying to even

>>601866518
i don't want to believe this is real
id fucking fire you too, you whiny cunt

>>601861835
this

>>601882542
fucking gold

>>601882659
it's a lovely gif"t" from me to you.

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>>601882295
Would determine how old I am.
>thinks being 15, he's the oldest here
Now protest that I 1v1, no scope-match, you in le cod

>>601859056
what country/city?

>>601864903
nigger what the fuck?

>be working as a mechanical designer consultant
>being good at it
>good working conditions, bringing my external drive to listen to music
>be offered a project engineer position
>fuckyeah.com
>evetually some network problem for one week
>no intra neither extranet
>but no big deal, letting IT do their work
>2 weeks later, getting into the office
>boss waits for me in the entrance
>"we gotta talk, anon"
>gets in a room for audition with IT and HR responsibles
>Learn that corporate antivirus update showed risks coming from my computer
>IT lists them; backtracers, mailbombers, credit card gens
>not understanding in the moment
>then realize there was this old hacking starter pack I downloaded on emule 6 years ago still archived in my drive
>nobody wanted to hear about it
>gets fired for having attacked the company network

>>601882773
I can't even don't know anymore, either.

>>601861578

Thats stupid, if he fired ya then you could collect on the workmans comp ya paid into. YOU leave you get shit.

> be me
> be 17
> grocery store job, stocking shelves day in day out
> Monday, bit hung over
> stocking eggs, fifo of course
> fat bitch with obnoxiously high-pitched voices approaches
> yeah, um, hi *looks at my tag* Anooon, where are the eggs? i've been looking for them a while now, but because your layout is so shit i can't find them
> point out that they're right in front of her nose, literally to the left of where she's standing
> says ok, takes eggs and walks off
> keep working
> intercom calls me to the manager's office
> surprised, go, fat bitch is there.
> says i've "been very rude and given her a pack of eggs with broken ones inside on purpose"
> i explain i did nothing of the sort
> manager is a huge whiteknight faggot, actually believe everything i say
> tells me to get out, while he thinks about my punishment
> go back to stocking, fat bitch walks out, tells me i'm gonna get fired
> get called to the manager's again, get fired
> quickly walk back into the store, find my metal trolley (that all the produce was on that i stack). big metal wheels, damn heavy.
> find fat bitch checking out the diet coke, whoda thunk it?
> time for revenge
> know exactly where camera's are
> wait for her to walk to a certain rack
> subtly lean against trolley so it slowly picks up speed, she turns around, but it rolls straight over the middle of both her feet.
> hear sickening crunch, walk to get my coat
> leave store as i hear someone calling for an ambulance.

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>work as control systems engineer
>have to install new pump and recalibrate control system at large chemical plant
>install it the wrong way round because no arrows
>control goes crazy
>major errors in system, reaction goes haywire upstream
>hear talk of gas leaks and pressure explosions a few days later, approximately $700,000 in damages
>mfw

>>601875899
im not telling you.

>>601883576
Sounds very brutal yet very satisfying.

>>601883576

we all know that customer, we all do

> worries about employment gaps..........lol

You're kidding right? You don't know how to fix employment gaps?

Go eat your cheese sandwich and drink your generic brand soda.

>>601882542
Legit threw my phone across the room and shrieked in horror. You sir are an asshole.

>>601870626

550 degree cooking oil

>Like aids or herpes in blood would survive that.

>Be me, working in a fruit and vegetable department for a shitty supermarket.
>manager is a fat whore who everyone hates.
>I'm a casual employee
>boss calls me in to work one day
>I'm high as fuck but agree to come in
>motherfucking C.E.O is there
>notices how red my eyes are and makes a comment
>make up shitty story on how my gf just left me
>C.E.O doesn't buy calls me a liar and sacks me on the spot.
>call him a stupid kiwi cunt and tell manager to go fuck herself
>I'm now a used car salesman and I love my job

>>601859813
I've done this it's fucking fun. Especially when your manager let's you take beers from the store. Good ol Pizza Hut. I miss having jobs where I can drink at work

>>601885227
>not eating deep fried herpes blood every day
get on my level pleb

>>601866518
you sound like a complete waste of space.

>>601867555
I smell tumblrfag.

>>601869960
your a juvenile idiot

you should respect you're professors not waste theres and everyone else's time

>>601881222
ew what the fuck is that scar from looks so nasty

>be me
>work at awesome gas station in an all black community
>begins to snow one evening I'm alone running the store except for the subway girl.
>I lock the doors and shut off the pumps
>customers start to bang on glass
>subway girl starts freaking out I ignore her
>turn on the tv grab an ice cream sandwich from the cooler and sit on top of the counter watching customers bang on the glass for 3 hours.
>time to leave
>mfw both of us get fired

>>601887311
i think it's a tattoo, bud.

>>601887521
it looks like a nasty scar or birthmark

>>601887311
KEK FUCKING IDIOT. Go back to reddit fagot.

>>601887712
Yeah only if you're a stupid motherfucking jackass. FUCK you are getting on my nerves kid.

>>601887417
kekk

>>601887712
>Being this fucking retarded.