bump for interest

Don't shower for a like a week at least. You'll be able to fight super dirty.

>>568417596
Kick to the knee

leg kicks. nobody likes them

also, take up a martial art if you want to learn how to fight

>inb4 A bunch of candy-assed bullshitters tell lies about all the martial arts they know and people they've fucked up.

>>568417596
Run away

punch to the throat will put someone down fast. Also instead of aiming for the nose/face like everyone else. aim for temple/side of head, or just under jaw on the side.

>>568417596
slap both ears as hard as you can. sounds retarded but it really fucks you up. That and sheild your face with your forearms and just keep trying to hit him with elbows, it looks retarded and wont work against heavily trained people but it works if you just want to hurt the guy and not show off

>>568417596
Get someone to push them onto your edges.

A punch in the face

Start sucking his cock mid fight

Always throws them for a loop

ITT: op is a pussy who can't fight

>>568417596
stop the toes, throw a held object in their face to distract them

When you both start walking towards each other ready to fight, take your shirt off but dont throw it to the side. Pick your pace up and throw it at the other guys face, hes going to automatically try to block the shirt and knock it away. Thats when you sucker punch him.
If not sucker punching him then shove him in the chest as hard as you can so hes unbalanced then sucker punch him or go for a tackle and headlock.

Use both hands to grab victims arms (Shoulder/bicep area) then repeatedly headbutt the nose. Works just as well if you have already grounded them too.

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you can't cheat at fighting. Keeping flexible and in shape and learning how to fight are the only way.
Unless you count sneaking up on someone and sucker punching them, which is still not cheating because there are no agreed rules, fuck, bring a gun with you everywhere, but you will still have to watch out for the person that has a gun and is quicker and better at using theirs.
Carry pepper spray and don't start any shit and you should stay out of legal trouble and out of the hospital/morgue.

make raptor noises

Anything that hits them on the throat will ensure a bit of gagging and swing the momentum in your favor. Oh and if you can land it clapping their ears (imagine your hands are cymbals and you slam them close on both their ears will leave them dazed and ear ringing for quite a while.

>>568417596
Spartan kick someone in their knee and tear their ACL

leap on him
rip his pants off
start giving him the best blowjob of his life
slurping that cock down my throat
swallowing all of his semen, and then
I call him a faggot, because he orgasmed when a man sucked his cock
while he's crying i throw so pocket sand in his eyes and stuff my cock in his ass, to show him who's boss, not because it's gay, this hurts me more then it hurts them

Try fucking the other guy's wife before a fight. they hate that.

>>568417846
nice filename faggot

Your all a bunch if cowardly faggots op learn to fight like a man!

Not that dirty but rush forward and step on one of their feet, pushing them with your body. When they instinctively move back their head will follow making it very easy to uppercut them along the jawline.

>>568418153
>stop the toes

>toes have feelings to

Cry?

>>568418695
And this little piggy is on anti-depressants now because someone hurt his feelings.

>Rip their ears off(it only takes 7lbs of torque.)
>Jab the bottom of their jaw.
>Shoot them

>>568417596
for me, it'd have to be a strong thrust kick into the side of someone's knee, breaking their leg easily.
the opportunity might not present itself, but if it does, i'd break a fuckers leg.

i saw this stupid ass picture detailing several fight moves that all sounded stupid, but one sounded kinda plausible, in the right circumstance.

it was called the brain buster and involved getting the dude's head in your arm, guillotine style, grab the back of his belt with your other hand and fall backwards, onto his head.

not necessarily dirty but it sounds like you could seriously fucking kill him if you could pull it off

Throat punch.

I once was in a confrontation on the street, I didn't want to fight and if I'd fisticuffs this guy I would have lost so I punched him in the adam's apple and ran.

I think he died.

I've always wanted to try this, but I took a martial art where we learned a "sacrificing throw" called a sutemi (sp?) Basically you do a front flip and land on the back of your lats and part of you shoulder as well as part of your ass to displace the force of the impact.
If you were able to grab somebody by the wrist or arm or neck and throw yourself, you'd fuck em up.

I hug them, and tell them it's all gonna be ok.

Than I take them out for ice cream.
With sprinkles.

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Getting struck in the kidney, also an open-palm hit to the ears. Had both of them used on me in a fight by the mammoth on the right, pretty much ended the fight for me, got my shit rekt.

>>568417596

also, twice I've used the firemans carry to pick someone up and then throw them on the ground.

I also use it to throw women onto the bed. they love it.

>>568419636
I'm not gay or anything but if that's you on the left, I would suck your cock right fucking now.

>>568417596

kill yourself, that'll teach 'em

If your going to fall anyways, go with it and just plan an attack from the ground on their knees.

If grappling on the ground for some reason, grab and appendage with both hands and plant feet against their body and pull while pushing with feet, you can easily exceed 1700 of pressure that way... try not to have your back bent at the time though.

When you strike open hand.. side of hand, or whatever.. never consider the blow done after the strike, always grab and try to rend flesh back in some fashion on the pullback... ears, eyelids, cheeks, nose, hair, loose skin, scrotum, whatever you can rip off.

If you are forced into the situation where you can... then bite... not just a nip.. chomp as big a mouthful of flesh as you can and then clamp down until you feel the pain in your jaw and teeth.

Grab any hard object at hand and use it. If you have one in hand.. rock, keys, whatever, if you can't stab with it, rake it back and forth across skin while applying pressure.

Rake down the front of the shin with the side of your boot/shoe, you can actually tear the skin off the entire front side of the leg that way down to bone, even through jeans.

>>568419845
lol
thanks, i guess
but you wouldnt get anywhere near my dick

>>568417596
If on the ground, try to keep a hand or arm over their mouth and nose.

>>568419990
what if he bites you?

Knee to the bladder, strike at the throat, stomp on there foot ro instep, twist there nipple.

>>568420535
Don't let him bite you

>>568420862
With your hand/arm on his mouth? Are you fucking kidding me?

>>568417596
make a dive for his legs (lowest point possible) and lift/tackle him out of balance, if you do it right theres a 75% chance he hits the floor with his head and even if not so you´ll get up quicker and have therefore the upper hand for a while

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>>568419845
>I'm not gay or anything

>>568419289
if you get their wrist you may as well just do a fucking suplex and not slam your body on the ground

When he lunges for you duck down and start sucking his cock. They never expect it

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>>568417596
This.

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>>568419636
Surely you can dominate me and penetrate my anus with your massive cock. :^)

>>568423906
You're assuming the opponent is light enough/ you are fit enough to lift them up for that.
It's pretty easy to land that flip if you know how. Muscle memory and all.

>>568419636
i'm completely gay and i'd suck your dick

i may or may not also be a trap, if you're into that

>>568424795
No, just no.

>>568417596
Weapons. If you want to fight dirty bring weapons.

>>568419636
Hey, you're that guy from /fit/

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Alright OP.
This is how you take out a strong guy.
> punch to throat
Then
> headbutt nose
That will give you a sufficient amount of time to land a couple punches or kick or run away

> also this

got damn now all i can think about is rat mma. I WANT IT TO BE REAL SO FUCKING MUCH.

i would bet on them and raise one and teach it kung fu then watch him use his deadly techniques on other rats.

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>>568425491
>I know how to effectively murder my opponents, the internet has told me so. Don't criticize my fedora.

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>>568417827
Not a martial art.
You want
> ju jitsu
> wrestling
> judo
> boxing

ALSO op..you want to go completely apeshit in a fight. Do NOT try to stay calm and controlled. The angrier you angrier really the more adrenaline you have and the more powerful you are.

>>568417846
>tumbler
GTFO FAGGOT

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>>568426918
>HUR DUR, STOOPID FOCKING CANCEROUS LE TUMBLR FAGGOT! DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE YOU FUCKING WHEEL BARREL MADE OF DICKS! UR R TH CANCER RUNING MUH /B/

>>568426105
So mma?
Mixed martial arts right?
Includes all of those you just stated

Use a weapon - this one is obvious.

Granted, that can really tack on some pretty nasty legal trouble if the cops show up and you've shivved a nigger or bashed his brains in with a bit of pipe.

Oh, and be sure to pull a Harvey Dent and always be packing TWO of every weapon, just in case they shuold disarm you and believe to find themselves at an advantage, then WHAM - two guns, bitch.

Neck's a good disorienter, and if you can get the person disoriented enough to grab his arm and straighten it, a good hard elbow down in the right spot will break it.

>>568427283
Better to just learn one imo

>>568419990
Bad idea, there's a judo technique called katakatame, you cover his face with his own arm, you can choke him that way and end the fight if you get pulled into groundwork, but that's only if it's a 1v1 fight, otherwise you'd have people stomping you all around