I'm actually Perry pleased that Jeff is using your fleshlite. I came on it cause it turns me on.

>>563210684
i haven't even cleaned it last time.

GUYSSSS WHERE DID MY DRAGON DILDO GO??
I need my night to go as planned

>>563211000
i don't want to be a gossip girl but.... i saw Tyrone with your dildo.

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS PISSING ON THE TOILET SEAT

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>>563210007
Dammit Tyrone! Why the fuck you keep buying the Wal-Mart brand hot sauce!

>>563210007
TYRONE YOUR ROOM SMELLS LIKE SHIT STOP MASTURBATING AND SMOKING POT

TURN THE GOD DAMN SOUND DOWN

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GUYS, SHUT THE FUCK UP, IM TRYING TO SLEEP.

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Guys, i met this girl on Craiglist and i'm going on a date with her. How do i look? Please be honest.

hey can one of yall show me how to delete system 32?? this tech website says itll increase our internet!!

Finish a fucking bag of chips before you open another one guys, it isn't that fucking hard

>>563212548
You look like someone who's going on a date with a girl off of Craigslist.

>>563211683
you go girl

who keeps stealing all the food from the fridge

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Guys, who's gonna clean up the kitchen tonight?

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>>563212548
fuck off bob and back to the cellar!

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umm, guys there's a negro in the backyard....

>>563213141
Fucking Andrew is, the cock sucker, constantly wants to "cook" cause he thinks he's a chef and can't fucking clean.

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>>563213253
aah fuck there in the pool!

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Guys, can you stop leaving the toilet seat up, I almost fell in the last time I used it.

>>563213141
it's Tyrones night

>>563213141
I'll clean it again. Please have the decency to do your own dishes next time though.

Whose alcohol was this? I drank it.

alright, who THE FUCK left one sip of milk in the carton?

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Uhh Guys...

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who the fuck was in my room? i fucking hate to live here

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>>563210007
Someone clean the fucking living room

>>563213920
420 blaze it lol

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who move my GF?

>>563213920
FUCK MY PORK CHOPS!

Where the rent's money niggers? Landlord is coming

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>>563210007
Guys I found this on the front door.

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seriously guys please stop touching my girl friends

so fking high right now;)

thx for letting me bake out the bathroom guys 420 blaze it lol

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>>563214801
Fuk da police!

Where da white wimin at?

>>563214801
Wanta take turns using it as a cum rag?

>>563214818
Youre welcome faggot, next time throw in some god damn money you mooch

>>563214450
Why the fuck did you get Jimmy to cook it. He would set fire to ice.

>>563214629
I'll get ya next Tuesday, I promise.

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Who the fuck put this under the stairs? Smells like pure shit.

JEFF, STOP SMOKING POT YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE

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who touched my damn teddy bear?!

>>563215602
FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT

god dammit tyrone youre wearing my fucking cum sock again

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Dafuq Jamal? Clean your room!

>>563215453
sorry man, i just need to fill up the rest of that bottle and theyre gone. promise

>>563213920
God DAMNIT Andrew! This is why you failed at college.

Guys quick theres something on the tv.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xaZNZPSjXg

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS LEAVING THE TOILET SEAT UP. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IM GONNA MURDER YOU ALL.

Ok, Which one of you assholes keeps throwing up in my shoes?! I can't leave for two goddamn minutes without you guys fucking something up!

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ah shet, who let the aliens borrow my car?

>>563215351
I was trying to take a nap and didnt think jimmy was that much of a mongoloid.

>>563214816
i would fuck that

>>563215781
FUCK YOU, I'M CALLING THE POLICE

*hello 911? my roommate is smoking pots, please hurry*

ENJOY PRISON!

>>563216418
anyone with a pecker for a brain knows jimmys a retard. i say we vote him out the house|
all in favor say "yee"

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>>563210007
Should I deal with this

Alright you niggers, I need to go to the store. You faggots need anything?

>>563216618
Too bad I put the weed in your room nigger HA

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>>563216618
I think there here.

Uh guys, I forgot to get behind my 7 proxies when downloading cp so if cops come I was never here.

>>563216852
TOO BAD I SMOKED IT

HAH

>>563216917
Uuuuum
>>563216916

>>563216917
Well then. Have fun >>563216916

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Ahhh guys we were out of TP so I just wiped my ass on the wall and banister, OK?

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just a heads up everybody, I'm going to have like 10 people over tonight, nothing major again, I promise

>>563210007
Who took my dragon dildos again !

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fug :DDD de bolice are here to arresd us xDDDD qwick, brign the modorized kart :DDDDDD

>>563217008
...now you smell like pot, your room smells like pot, and the popo at the door

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>>563216712
"yee"

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TYRONE! Come to my room, let's see this, please come alone.

>>563217110
>>563217041

cover for me, guys.

Yo my gurl is coming home. Can you guise help me clean?

>>563216459
trying to Cut another man's grass?

>>563217236
Fuck that shit the last time you had people over there were jizz stains on the ceiling, YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO CLEAN THE CEILING?

>>563216712
YEE

>>563217501
I gotcha brah
>>563216916
Oh hello officer, I assume you're here about my pot smoking roomate, hes right over there >>563217008

>>563217514
How about a threesome? I'll help you if you let me bang your girl. C'mon man, don't be a prude little bitch! Be a bro!

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>>563217284
I'm pretty sure it was Gina

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>>563210007
you made spaghetti a fucking week ago clean the god damned pot.

>>563214629
You get the money tomorrow
I promise

makes me think of dave chappelles black real world

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ww9SQzeK3fM

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>>563217501
Sorry brah. Keep behind that door.

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>>563217008
Shieet.

>>563216834
Just some store brand lotion, and a box of latex gloves. Here's the money, can you seriously remember this time?

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WE HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT? Please guys get me a chick.

>>563216834
Cocaine, condoms, pepper, jump rope and milk, please

>>563217853
Its alway Gina....

>>563217771
Fuck it. Dont go crossing swords with me you faggot

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who keeps leaving cum in the /b/ house trap's ass?

you are supposed to clean that shit when you are done with her

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>>563218184
chicks drop left and right for him, like he needs your help

>>563218184
*tips euphoria*
sure thing

>>563218184
Can I bring my waifu body pillow ?

WHICH ONE OF YOU LEFT THE FRIDGE OPEN

NOW MY BAG OF MONTH OLD JIZZ IS GETTING THIN

WHAT THE FUCK

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>>563217872
You mean that shit is a week old? excuse me will I vomit.

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Yo, who's gonna repack the bong?

>>563218614
It was henry you shit. Stop screaming cheesus

>>563218459
Fuck that shit you're already fucking a mans ass you can deal with my cum

i'm going to order some pizza.
what do you guys want?

>>563218972
I already got some cheese pizza, brah.

Who the fuck pissed on my keyboard?

James, I know you got some tree.

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Who's the dead motherfucker that did this

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>>563218972
ask if they can put spaghetti on it.

>>563218972
I want cheese
NO
Bacon
NO
Ham
NO
uhhmm
Can you ask me in an hour or so again ?

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umm guys, i'm the only one who had realized that the Party Van had been in the other side of street for almost one week?

>>563219137
Give me a slice mane

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How many times do I have to tell you fuckers the food on the middle shelf is mine.
BTW I jizzed on that sandwich before I put it inthe fridge just to teach whoever ate it a lesson.

>>563219502
The party never stops

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>>563219434
Stop drinking chocolate milk, you're lactose intolerant and keep destroying the bathrooms all the time.

>>563219502
quick! microwave your laptops!

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>>563219556
YOU BITCH

YOU KNOW WHAT? IM NO LONGER KEEPING THIS A SECRET

I AM THE ONE WHO FUCKED YOUR SISTER, OKAY!?!?

>>563218869
your mother will, once she finds your corpse on the floor because of you overdosing on marijuana.

>>563219464
No bill for the 7th time they don't do that..

Ok, I get the some of you guys might be gay, I can deal with that, but, HOLY SHIT, WOULD YOU STOP FUCKING IN MY ROOM? God damn it, Ian and Paul, you two have your own room, quit fucking in mine!

>>563219556
Well I like jizz
now who looks foolish.

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That's it guys, I'm done! I'm tired of ya'll constantly making a mess and nobody cleans after themselves! I'm moving back in with my parents! Fuck this place and fuck you guys!

Hey guys, this might not be the best time, but you know that weird smell we've had in here for a couple weeks? I totally forgot at the time, but I just remembered I had to pee really bad around that time, and one of you fuckers was using the bathroom for like 2 hours. So I pissed in a cup, but I didn't want everyone to think I'm the kind of guy who goes around pissing in cups, so I moved a ceiling tile back and put it up there. I was gonna pour it out when everyone left, but I kind of forgot. Only reason I mention this, is because it got knocked over somehow, and it's leaking down all over Anon's desk. By the way, I drank your last Mountain Dew. And I borrowed your towel because mine was still wet from yesterday. Oh and I lost the remote. Also I'm moving out, and I can't make rent this month. Peace guys, it's been real.

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>>563210007
>Uses last paper towel
>Doesnt replace it

>Makes sandwich directly on counter
>Doesnt wipe off crumbs

I fucking hate you Paul

>>563219502
They are only watching Steve, I think he has been kidnapping children and locking them down there.

>>563219502

Yeah I told them you guys had some cheese pizza and they don't really wanna leave now.

Those guys sure like their za's don't they.

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Have you remembered to hail the Queen today?

> ALL HAIL THE QUEEN

OH FUCKING GOD! i forget to get behind my 7 proxys again!!!!!!!!

>>563219970
That makes two of us. BTW she was not wet because she was horny for you, that was my sloppy seconds BAD-Da-BING!

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Just got my application back from University, seems like I am moving out in a couple of weeks!

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>>563219976
Jeff calm your tits man, go jerk off to the bible or whatever.

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>>563220301
Ayy mane, I gotta borrow them for a few days

>>563220116
No worries, there's plenty to go around. Jeff why don't you take some out to them?

>>563220301
FBI tapped ya over a week ago. Forgot to mention it to you.

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>>563220394
Fucking finally, tired of supporting your freeloading ass.

>>563220394
dibs on your waifu

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>>563213634
you know... mom and dad arent home right now.

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Guys, there's a black chick in the kitchen making pancakes...

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H-hey guys, I just got back from the doctor's office, and I was diagnosed with skeletons. The doctor says a skeleton somehow accumulated inside of me, probably due to my diet consisting of high doses of calcium, and he says 100% of people who have skeletons die. He says there is no cure. H-how long do i have to live with this horrible thing inside of me?
>pic related, it's the horrible beast that dwells within my body

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Hey guys! As a strong feminist womyn, I think this household relationship will be great!

Oh, also, this house seems to be slightly thin-privileged. I demand a bigger bathtub and also a larger toilet seat.

Thanks!

Guys. I thought we agreed on no pets. Whose fucking 12 year old is this in the closet?

Alright, now that you're all here, I'd like a moment to talk to you guys about financial responsibility.

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How hard is it to flush THE GOD DAMN TOILET WHEN YOU SHIT?!?!?!?
Who keeps doing this? Is it you Jeff?

>>563220887


You can totally remove it yourself with boiled steak knives and lots of peroxide.

>>563220752
>>563220758

What are you guys going to do with your life apart from sitting in your rooms gaming for the rest of your life?

Oh my girlfriend is coming over to celebrate me getting into Harvard for Law, so please do not intrude on us!

>>563220394
Good riddance. I'm tired of cleaning up your jizz rags.

>>563220843
That's not a chick, dude....

One last thing I forgot to mention, you know how I've been using chewing tobacco and I've had bottles of dip spit on my desk and on the counter and everything? Well I've been keeping them. I never threw a single one away. I've collected my brownish chunky spit for an entire year. I've filled up 8 different 2 liter bottles and a myriad of water bottles. That one time I brewed everyone some fresh tea, and you all thought it tasted like shit? Dip spit. Anyway, I'm leaving it all in the closet. Be careful throwing it out though, some of the bottles leak a little and the caps aren't screwed on all the way.

Stop stealing my panties you faggots, you want a pair so bad I'll shell out the cash to buy you a pack of your own.

>>563220937
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT BETTY, NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN

>>563221094
speaking of which, how many rooms is our house?

>>563210007
Who the fuck keeps eating my pies?
I'll cut you, fucker!

Who the fuck broke the fucking bathroom like a jackass and didn't fucking fix it?

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>>563216763
Naw, I got it, I've been waiting for this....

>>563221571

God knows, father's paying for it though.

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>>563221094
Sell weed, get bitches and smoke weed.

>You're just jelly

>>563220937
I vote you
>>>/out/
of the house

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Alright which one of you cocksuckers did this?

>>563221660
Hey, keep me out of this

>>563221028
Nah, that was your GF, she left you a present.

Guys please don't get mad or unconfortable with me buuuut.... I'M GAY

>>563221878
Yeah.... My bad I just kind of accidentally the whole roof

>>563222018
No worries bro, come on into my room and we can talk ;)

>>563221878
Sorry;
I only ate one Lays potato chip
It kinda fucked shit up

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Guys we got a new roommate

>>563221912

Speaking of which, have you done your daily bible reading today?

*stumbles into the living room drunk*

*pisses into measuring cup and sticks hand in*

"I CAN *throws up in mouth* FEEL MY BODY TEMPERATURE"

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You know what, fuck all you guys, I'm leaving

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>>563210007

Hi Guis,
Where can I set up my ball pit?

>>563222247
The douchebag or the raccoon?
Cause having another filthy animal for a roommate would be terrible.

But a raccoon would be cool.

>>563222389
FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

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guys I think need to get a cat, we have spy mice.

DO THE FUCKIN DISHES, I DID THEM LAST TIME

>>563222389
OH FUCK NO YOU AREN'T, THAT WAS THE LAST CHOCOLATE MILK
You're dead kiddo

>>563210007
IF ANYBODY IS WONDERING WHO PEES ON THE TOILET SEAT... it's me. Sorry guys.

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I'm going to 7-Eleven, anyone wanna come with?

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>>563222389
>mfw

>>563222672
He must be working with the party van

>>563222779
Nah but get me a blue slurpee, I'll pay you next week

>>563222389
Its probably for the best, I think fIQ6SxkF jizzed in that anyways.

>>563222779

Would you be a chap and pick me up one of those blue slushpuppies if you please. I shall compensate you monetarily for both the item and your efforts, of course.

>>563222389
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY! WHY!!!!

>>563222950
He isn't a spy, I know that little fucker personally, he is no rat

>>563210007
Im sorry guys I got drunk and shit in the sink, so carl it's your turn to do dishes

Jeff, don't let me catch you with another pair of my boxers again. You're a strange fuck.

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cmon Jeff I TOLD U TO LET THE DOG OUT BEFORE WORK. you owe me new bed sheets

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Who let the retard go swimming?

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>>563223186
BECAUSE YOU HURT MY FEELINGS

>>563222779

Here's five bucks, get me some papers and a Nantucket Nectars. Keep the change.

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Guys, I think I caught something during our last slave run, I feel like shit and it feels like my blood is boiling out of me....

>ITT: Jonestown massacre with mostly traps

Hi fellas, My name is Muhammed. i'm your new roomie, i hope my religion isn't a problem for you guys.

>>563223363
>I keked
How do you know he isn't a filthy rodent?

>>563223526
its ok. we were going to kick jimmy out anyway.

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>>563223750

>>563222389
>inb4 b&

>>563223524
b-but we don't have a dog...

>>563223750
Welcome brother, allah akbar to you

>>563223641
That's ok, you can bunk with Tyrone tonight.

>>563210007

You're all fags.

GUYS :( my boss fired me because i steals his phone, can i pay the rent in 2 months?

>>563224820
New rent policy: if you can't pay rent I give you ebola

>>563224698

>You're all fags.
That's actually the reason I moved in.

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Oh shit guise, I think I hear something coming up the street.

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Uh guys I tnink someone called the cops hide the weed

this thread is fucking gold

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>>563210007
PILLS! GET YA PILLS HERE

>>563225112
Knew I shoulda used just one more proxy.

Lets summon Moot so he can pay all our rent!


MOOOOOOT!!!!!!

AYO JUSTICE FO' MIKE BROWN NIGGAS

>>563225224
you got any percodan

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>>563225323
Dude put the hookers in your closet

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>>563225112

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HOW THE FUCK CAN WE AFFORD THIS ELECTRICITY AND INTERNET WHEN NONE OF US HAVE JOBS?! YOU BETTER NOT START FINALLY TAKING SHOWERS NOW, 'CAUSE GOD ONLY KNOWS WHERE WATER MONEY WOULD COME FROM!

>>563225112
fuck the weed, we need to hide my coke.

>>563225735
food stamps and welfare, and that one kid has a trust fund or something

>>563225735
Our moms pay for it.

Yo guys im back from wo-
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!?

>>563225671

>Dude put the hookers in your closet
I already buried mine. She was starting to smell.

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>>563210007
You fuckers ready to smoke some purp and jam out?

>>563226001
>Implying this is abnormal

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OH SHIT! IT'S THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzdwVAolW_c

Alright thats it, which one of you faggots unlocked the gate with the CP?

>>563225224
fuck man I need those percodans, or fuck what else do you have

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>>563226245
[coughing] What'll it [wheeze] be booooys?

>>563210007
Which ever one of you sick fucks has been fucking the pies again this needs to stop, looks the impostor has a chode..

>>563226245
Hell no, no fucking ice cream until you clean up!

>>563225213
i know

>>563226574
Thats the last time I use the kitchen fridge to store my food.

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>>563225734
Dude yo gotta get that bitch who od'd last week out of the bath tub

>>563225224
I'm almost out of adderall, what you got?

You all don't mind if I have my hands down my pants right?

Niggas.

>>563210007
who the fuck throw away my nail cuts collection?

My sister is coming to hang out. Guys please, GUYS PLEASE!

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>>563226669
C'mon. Everybody likes frozen dairy deserts.

>>563227141
Xude we've been on the same trap for hours so one more hand on a dick won't change anything

>>563227257
Fine, what do you want? i'll take the Heisenberg Special.

>>563226965
you mean that aint tom's realdoll. >_>

>>563227257
wtc sunday pls

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>>563227627
I'll take the banana split with the extra long banana and nuts.

Someone please go and feed the chained loli on the basement, last time i see her was like 4 days ago... or i'm high on heroin as fuck

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Which one of you faggots drank my chocolate milk!?

>>56322779
fuck no shes real alright have you smelled that hallway

>>563228046
Wasnt me, but I did see it get jizzed in by another anon.

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GUYS I FOUND A RACCOON ON OUR FENCE CAN WE KEEP IT?

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ENJOY YOUR CUM CREAM, MENTLEGEN!

>>563228251
Alright, one Heisenberg Special and a banana dick with extra nuts, how much will that be?

Guys, do you think I'll be able to get some at Juan's party tonight?

>>563213820
that isn't milk

Why the fuck hasnt this house been nuked yet?

>>563228072
fuck, we dont have anymore room to bury her in the backyard. How long do you think it takes to dissolve a body in a tub of acid?

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>>563225580
>>563226521

Plenty. Free for house members

>>563227038
I have whatever you need


PARTAY TIME UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER

>>563228046
John threw it out because he said it was getting stinky.

Hey guise, do you hear that noise out in the hallway?

Ugh dude, last night was siiiick, what i've lost? Tyrone had already clean up the kitchen?

>>563228251
I think you mean ice cum.

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>>563228767

>>563228469
If you have rophies, anything is possible.just don't bring another dead bitch up in here the closet is getting full, tom had a relapse wi serial killers anonymous

>>563228251
I'd like a banana moose.

>>563222779
ask the guy for the baked nachos, Ill pay you back next week

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Shit guys who broke the fuckin toilet?