Replied to this thread

wore a fedora back in Middle school. I thought they were cool and then I hit puberty.

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Had the sex in missionary positions for the sole purpose of procreation.

Fucked OP's mother

>>556784867
pics plox

Created a Tumblr account.

posted on /b/

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>>556784525
your mum

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>>556784984
k

>>556785839
awesome. now fapping

>>556784525
Shit in the school bus.

>>556786331
green text plz

>>556784525

besides knowing what your picture is of?

cuming on my dying dogs face

>>556786331
> be in 6th grade in a schoolbus
> on my way back from field trip to UCSB
> sitting with my mother because nobody else wanted to sit next to me
> suddenly need to shit real badly
> fuck it i'll hold it only half an hour drive
> nope Los Angeles traffic makes it more like three hours
> can't hold it in any longer so i tell my mom
> she gives me a bag and uses her sweater as a curtain for privacy
> proceed to shit in bag
> one of the bag's flaps folds in so shit spills over on to the seat
> all kids complain about smell

The worst part was that it wasn't even solid shit, it was one of the most watery diarrhea i've ever produced.

>>556784812
You sick motherfucker. This doesn't belong here. I'm reporting you to the mods now. I hope you enjoy your ban, faggot.

>>556786482
>>556788313
Nobody ever wanted to sit next to me on field trips after that. I had to sit next to lunch ladies and teachers from then on.

>>556788313
Top kek.

>>556784525
Shit in a port-a-john.

>>556788313
>>556788702

so people actually knew about this? its a wonder you didnt kill yourself in school.

>>556788702
I can imagine.

Did you get any nickma!es for the said event?

Also, how old were you then? 30? Did they let you continue being a bus driver after that?

>19 years old
>make hardcore chiptunes for fun
>get asked to play at an anime convention
>wear really ugly, thick suspenders for no good reason
>chiptuners get pushed to a back room where there's a tent party
>play my hardcore music
>get in the tent and tell them it's live
>my chiptune friend backs me up
>"he's telling you this because they're very hard to make"
>I try to make a joke
>"my penis is very small"

>>556789046
Damn phone. Nicknames* was the word I meant to use.

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>>556789046

>>556784525
cringe worthy = went to university

claim to fame = shot my university lecturer with a stream of jizz through a knot i pushed out of a fence all over her suede jacket.

>>556789008
Yes I'm pretty sure people actually new about this, I had to wait until everybody got off the bus first and I was sitting in the front seat. I had the sweater on my lap and I stank of shit. Plus the shit that hit the floor and wet the kids shoes behind me.
>>556789046
Not any that I knew of but I probably did. I was about 12 years old. I was never a bus driver.

being born

I make women think I'm profeminist so they let me sleep with them.

>>556789941

Had a website in 8th grade, where I uploaded a long ass shitty poem for this 9th grade chick who I never met and texted all the time and confessed my "love" to and was too beta to say anything.
Oh, and one night I asked this random guy on facebook how to go about getting her to like me, and the guy turned out to be her boyfriend, who I had to see at a distant family reunion thing later that night.
Words can't express the cringe of my 8th and 9th grade years.

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I posted this a few months ago. At least I can look back at it and laugh.

>First day of secondary school
>Arrange to meet friends beforehand, all walk up together
>Miscommunication, they get there at quarter to the hour, leave because I'm late, I get there at quarter past
>Wait til half past (when I should be at school) before setting off
>Work myself up about being really late on first day, end up crying
>Burst into form room, crying, begging not to be expelled, in front of my new classmates

It was a long time before they forgot about that one.

>>556791227
lol

I posted lyrics from digimon openings on my facebook.

I came on a girl's face and kissed her.
I was drunk. I can't get this out of my mind.

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I used to go out in public wearing this

>>556789348
there's no joke anon

>>556793725
It was a fucked up way of joking that I crave attention.

Spent 200 bucks on a plane ticket to attend a beer festival where all I ended up doing is getting drunk because nothing but beta fags and pure autists were there


Yes there was quite a few "my first time getting drunk" there

>>556794232
Yes it was round trip for 200 bucks, based Southwest

>female friend left her bag round my house
>fapped while wearing her panties
>never before or since have i ever had any sort of panty fetish
>whythefuckdididothat.jpg

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I used to dress like RiFF RAFF when I was in highschool. Only this was 2005-2008 and he wasnt even known or famous yet.

Everyone always called me a wigger. I didnt care. I didnt talk or act black. Then I went to college and became jacked and not beta.

I'm surrounded by normal people please send help

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>13 years old
>had good girl buddy
>secret love
>she is leaving, so i hug her from behind
>feel her butt with my dick
>massive hard on
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>anon what are you doing?
>huging you for goodbye
>i must leave, anon
mfw she felt my boner on her butt

sucked a friend's cock while he was passed out drunk lol

being born

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>Sister is starting casual conversation.
>Says, "Anon, ever realise girls in the future will get sluttier even younger?"
>Chuckle and get ready for reply.
>it's in my head.
>Turn to her and just say, "I don't want to think about that because then that would make me a pedophile"
>FUCKTHEPOLICE.JPG
>turn to her;
"I don't want to think about that.."
>SHIT I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. ABORT ABORT ABORT
"Because by then, I would be a pedophile.."
>HAH- WAIT, WHAT?"
>Spaghetti river below my feet.
>she stares on and leaves the room.
MFW she still doesn't talk to me.
MFW I ruined my relationship with my sibling over a word mix up.
MFW I'm not even a pedophile.

>rolling hard in children's play park for some reason
>me and mate see someone we know little scruffy cunt
> loved up invite him back to my house
>he asks if he can bring his friends I agree
>enter house to find grandparents and parents
>I'm with 13 strangers they don't know gurning my tits off

>>556794191
incidentally, could you post some of your chiptunes, i'd quite like to hear them now.

>>556785839
kinda like the shape of the pussy

>>556796574
Not after what I just posted.

>>556796449
AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>556796850
c'moooooooooooon

>>556795791
Are you me?
>Be 14
>Be in last lesson
>Girls has a 10/10 ass
>she bends over in front of my table
>Fully erect
>Without thinking, I thrust my erect cock into her ass
>Silence
>ohfuck.jpg
>Teacher sends me out of lesson and get sent to head office
>Known as butt love for the remainder of my teenage years

Fucking asses man, gets me everytime

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stop telling fucking greentext stories, if you can't simplify it to a single sentence then your story just isn't that interesting + nobody cares

>>556785645
sauce? i see that gif everywhere

> be 13
> start visiting a spanish website called cuantocabron (spanish 9gag) (this in itself is cringeworthy)
> very hard to get one rage comic published on the main page
> I get six of them on there
> tell all my friends through Tuenti (a spanish social network nobody uses nowadays) as a profile status
> all this happening during the summer
> start making memes of each one of my classmates and upload them on Tuenti. One of these 'cool guys' makes memes himself and sends them to me so that I put them on Tuenti too
> spam the entire social network with memes and rage comics about trivial moments I found funny. This 'cool guy' and his friend tell me through private messages how funny these are
> school starts
> I'm so obsessed with memes I shout them out loud in real life
> shout during class for some other trivial moment, "everything went better than expected" (in english, not in spanish)
> Think my teacher didn't hear me, but she did and stared at me without saying anything for some 20 seconds
> say "Oh god why"
> everyone is staring at me with their mouths shut
> when the classes end everyone starts to talk about how annoying I am with memes, shouting them out loud (and since I live in spain, shouting stuff out loud in english makes it worse), spamming Tuenti all the time. Get called a try-hard and a nerd
> realize fucking nobody used Tuenti anymore and they were all seeing solely what I uploaded because they received notifications through their mobiles (yes, years ago 13-year-olds had mobiles, this doesn't seem to be true in some other countries afaik)
> everyone laughed at me the entire summer for uploading all the shit to Tuenti through whatsapp which I didn't even have installed, so I didn't realize they were laughing at me
> I say, "well, (the two cool guys) liked my stuff, you just don't get my humor" in front of a very crowded area where they were too
> they say they were trolling me and that it was never funny
> everyone starts laughing
> I run away crying

>>556796850
are you I P?

>>556795756
I can feel the pain

>>556796467
class

>>556784525
>best friend had a movie maker on his Mac in the 7th grade
>we make 5+ videos
>all about as good as you'd expect
>90% us playing with slo mo and sound effects
>Youtube becomes big the year after we start
>he makes channel
>videos get no views
>he deletes forever from internet in high school
>I'm upset
>looking back, probably the nicest thing he's ever done for me

>>556784525
I was probably an 8 year old back then

I broke my pencil in half and acted angry to try to scare two classmates making fun of me

>>556797064
Hi newfriend! Let me help you get started.

https://www.4chan.org/rules

>got drunk once with a girl
>made out with her and shit
>fast forward 1 month
>i was feeling lonely so i decided to go drink with some friends before school (we were planning to miss the class that day)
>got really drunk
>started crying like a fag
>stopped crying
>decide i got to go to school
>enter in school completely drunk
>find this girl (she was my crush back then)
>start talking shit with ther
>whole class realises i'm drunk
>at home, not drunk
>feels like shit because of it
>tfw i did the same think 3 more times again
At least in the end of the year i will move to another city and start a new life.

>>556796985
i hope you turn that nickname in something positive man.

>>556784525
fell in "love" with a stupid whore at work and made a giant ass of myself pressuring it.

>>556796949
>>556796574
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1eKT9bJUB49
Old WIP, I guess there's no harm in that

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>>556791227

>>556797169
Wow this has to be the most autistic story i've ever heard you cancerous underage faggot i hate you so much

>>556784525
Attended Dashcon.

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>Be 5
>Have friend where I knew him for the first 10 years of my life
>Being 5 we did stupid shit
>Started a thing called wiener doctors
>We fondled each others dicks
>We also licked each others asses
>mfw I think back on this
>One day his mom comes up stairs yelling about snacks being ready or some shit
>It's been a full 30 seconds and I still can't get my fucking pants on
>Mom comes in room
>Sees me deer in headlights with my pants mostly on
>Rolls her eyes and walks out
>mfw it gets worse later on in life
I got a lot of stories about me and this mother fucking guy if anyone's interested

>>556797169
get the fuck out you underage piece of shit
god fucking damn it
an hero

>>556796985
So they made fun of you for enjoying a girls ass. What kinda uber liberal school they send you to boy?

>>556797475
ohh, when I was 8.

> be 8
> have a crush for this girl called Alexa
> be playing mario kart wii
> play against some girl named "Alexa"
> her Mii looks like the girl I had a crush for
> be playing all the time until she leaves
> next day on school
> my friends knew I had an obsession with mario kart wii
> tell Alexa while she's with friends that she's a good racer in the game
> she doesn't understand what I'm talking about
> tell her I was "Pro9999vr" and that I played against her yesterday in said game
> she says she doesn't have a Wii
> realize it was a complete stranger
> oh... it must have been someone else then
> she starts laughing along with her friends loudly
> tells everyone
> be made fun of for years

>be 13
>be smaller than the rest
>even younger kids tease me
>christmas comes
>turn 14
>suddenly enter puberty
>grow huge
>neither me nor the younger kids realise it
>one of them teases me and hits me
>he is 3 years younger
>lose my temper
>throw him on the floor
>start hitting him
>other friends seperate me
>i almost start crying

Didn't realise it back then but later on i realised how cringe worthy it was

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>>556784525

ready? alright

>be me
>13 year old california kid
>Not fit but handsome
>Go to Baptist church and always alone with PAR-tick-u-lar lass
>Wanted so bad to kiss her
>start dating
>Mom brings me and her on a speical weekend to a bowling tourny I was in
>2 and half hours into the drive she starts pointing out the window
>I look and don't see anything I ask her what she was pointing at
>It was a moment before the vomit started spraying me in the face that I realized she was going to be sick
>Lose bowling tourny,covered in vomit,head home disappoint
>Try to get over vomit situation but can't
>want to break up with her but 13 yr old me is a pussy
>Talk to my mom about it
>She says she'll do it for me
>MFW my mom broke up with my girl friend for me.

>>556798884
did you get to play in the ballbit?

>>556798503
I hate myself for doing that, too.
I changed a lot though, and I deleted my cuantocabron account, the Tuenti thing, and hoperfully everyone forget.

>>556784525
Refused to smoke weed with some friends.

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>>556796864
It gets better. Weeks before, she borrowed my laptop to buy shit.
Finished a raid on /mlp/. (Don't ask).
Had ruse image that was a gif of shovel dog.
>>She found it.
I'm planning on leaving the country. My family think I'm an animal abusing kiddy diddler.

>>556799760

4chan claims another one.

>>556799194
Continue with the green texts anon I wanna see if it relates to my continuous molestation when I was young

>>556799194

continue

>>556799280
>MFW my mom broke up with my girl friend for me.
keked

>>556799234
another one with Alexa:
> be 8
> she enters the class
> I stare at her
> drool
> this girl is next to a fat ugly bitch called Miriam
> typical asshole notices what I'm doing
> he thinks I have a crush for Miriam instead of Alexa
> shouts "OH OH GUYS LOOK! ANON LOVES MIRIAM LOOK AT HIM"
> stop staring at the girl, put a weird face while I look at him
> what?
> they start telling people individually about my crush for the fat girl Miriam
> everyone believes them
> people don't forget about that day until they notice about my next crush years later

>>556800261

Ive....Ive had many drunk awkward nights....

>Be in San Antonio,TX
>Military convention
>Get sent on vacation essentially
>Higher ranking Sgt wants to hit the river walk
>Its packed
>We are pounding beers
>Everyone else goes home and its just me and him drunk as hell walking the river walk
>We become irish
>Irish accents the rest of the night
>Talking to random girls trying to get laid
>O shit Sgt is setting up a threeway with this chick
>I'm down
>Turns out its a hooker
>Realize now she is ugly
>Back to room all drunk with Dennys
>Not sure where I got Dennys but its hot so it must be fresh
>Ate that shit up

Thatttt was one of manu

you have been promoting your own youtube videos for a long time

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>>556799991
Ok
>So we will call this other guy "J"
>As a kid I lived right next to J so we were good friends
>But this guy could hold no secrets
>One day when he is 8 or something he tells his parents about wiener doctors
>His parents talk to mine
>Parents start to have a sexual conversation with me
>mfw they give me a fucking sex ed book
>Get mad at J for being a pussy and not holding secrets
>Later, like 6 months or something J in standing next to me and he says
>"Wiener doctors.... we sure were dumb
>Me: "Yeah"
That's it with the weird sex shit with J, but I had more around 8 with other people. Also I had overall shenanigans with J, one of them involving me stealing his FEZ candy canister and hiding under my bed
>What am I going to do hide under there forever?

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>>556800809

Ow.

>Be 12 yr old me
>In Middle school
>I finally understand what my boner means
>Start getting butter flys for girls
>This one girl I want to kiss so bad
>She is pretty and an awesome kissable face
you know like has lips and braces
>End of year approaches
>Best friend is the coolest kid in class
>everyone else thinks I'm lame
>I was a chubby beta so yeh I was lame
>I try to sneak into the picture
>"anon you can't be in this picture"
>"Your not cool enough"
>I start to hold back tears half way
>Just walking off all slow like
>Everyone else agrees except My Best friend
>He said he wasn't going to be in the picture unless I was in it
>They all agree to let me be in it
Thanks Mike wherever you're at

>>556800809
> weeks later
> during class
> alexa and miriam (who weren't friends anyways) were playing together with a Nintendo DS
> they are caught, the class stops, everyone stares at the teacher punishing them
> both Alexa and Miriam stand up to quit the class
> I want to defend Alexa and say she did nothing
> stand up, be right next to both Alexa and Miriam
> look at the teacher and the class and say, "she did nothing, I was staring at them"
> don't realize "she" can be either Alexa or Miriam
> everyone thinks I'm defending Miriam because they think I had a crush on her
> and I just admitted to stare at her during class
> kids laugh so hard even the teacher joins them
> start crying

>>556801629

I meant to bring the cute girl back into play at the end of the story because she was one of the ones that just agree'd definativly that I shouldn't be in the picture but instead I'm high so just deal with it I guess. Thanks guys in advance

>>556801705
> line 8
> staring at them
I meant her

>>556801378
are you still 8?

>>556802515
No don't be silly

>>556784525
>Be 11
>Camping with the whole grade, like 80 kids
>Be tall, neither fat nor skinny and socially akward
>Two dudes attack me for no reason
>wrestle one down
>the other one fucking jumps on me hard
>I fart the loudest fart I've ever let out my rectum
>20 girls watching the event start laughing their asses off
>My face is the same colour as bananas, but red
>I rush to my tent and stay there for the rest of the trip

Sucked my own dick

>>556784525
told a girl I loved her

things were never the same

>>556803115
>My face is the same colour as bananas, but red

>>556803081
what?

>>556784525
>be teen me (15 or so)
>work at kids summer camp as counselor
>pool time nigga
>get in "deep end"
>5 feet of water
>6 foot tall me stands there because lazy dont wanna play with kids
>kids see me and think I'm a fucking post for them to hold on to so they dont drown
>mfw when the camp is mostly 9 year old girls
>britfag swims to me "anon I need a break"
>wraps her legs around my waist and keeps her hands off
> isthiswhatfitwastrainingmefor?.jpeg
>boner rising like the challenger
>pokes 9 year old butts
>she doesnt notice im hoping
>sorta near actual wall
>supervisor walks over
>"anon do you have a moment?"
>THESPAGHETTISOUTNOW.png
cont?

>>556798468
Why can't I stop laughing

>>556803667
no plz go an hero

>>556803667
hahahaha yas pls do

>>556798468
bretty good

>>556803667
yes please do

I propsed to a girl that I knew didn't want me, in an attempt to win her over again.

It was pretty amazing, honestly. Only not at all.

>>556803664
What do you mean "what", I answered your question m8

>>556804472
come over here anon let me hug you

>>556797128
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeB3eYk1Ze0
its one of the rap battle parodys

>>556804729
I'll be right there, boo.

>>556799234
>>556800809
The oldest this person could be is 14

Britfag here
>be 14
>there's a fucking hipsterish gay kid called Jake
>says he's bisexual for attention from girls
>never been out with a guy
>gettin all da pussay
myjimbobsareflustered.avi
>one day I finally muster up all my courage and autistic bravery
>go up to the best looking girl in year, wouldflyplaneintobuildingsfor72ofher/10
>h...hey femanon
>Oh, hi anon
>Uhh so I was wondering whether you ever wanted to go out sometime
LAUGHS IN MY FUCKING FACE
>TELLS HER FRIENDS
LAUGH IN MY FACE
>Ha, sorry anon, I'm going out with Jake.
maximumrustled.exe
>had enough of his shit
>go up to him
>he's telling some girls about how he feels so oppressed and shit
>you're not fucking bisexual
>he turns to me and all the girls gasp
>have a massive rant about how he does it for attention
>OH MAH GHOD, UR OPRESIN MEH
>IM SO OPRESED AND BISXAL
>if you're bisexual, then you won't mind me touching your balls
thisistrueautism
>girls turn to him
>f..fi.......fine
>I grab his fucking nuts like there's no tomorrow
>I grab his hand and press it to my nuts
>he doesn't mind
>really fucking awkward twenty seconds before I realise
>turn 360 degrees and walk away
>mfw he turned out to be a full on homo a few years later

>>556801629
are you the white me anon

>>556805376
that went better than expected...?

>>556799234
16 underage b&