>raep stranger
>kill
>no witness

Rob fingerprints
Wear house
No gloves

>4am
>run red light
>no1saw

>>555129598
>take icicle
>kill someone
>no murder weapon

>Jack car
>Ditch Car
>End life

>>555129598

>raep Jew
>raeP Jew again
>steal camera hardware
>raep Jew one more time on way out door

> rob a bank
>escape
>live rich

>rob house
>kill family
>police come, "oh no"
>kill police
>kill fingerprints
>kill gloves
>rape

>>555129598
But you'd still leave your fucking skin cells and hair and shit.

This whole website is on drugs.

>>555129907
>wear fingerprints
>no house
>rob gloves

>>555129598
>kill nigger

>>555129598
>eat massive amounts of taco bell
>smoke weed
>swallow smoke instead of inhaling it
>get high as fukk
>pot smell becomes masked in putrid diarrhea odors when expelling it from asshole
>cops will never know

>>555130549
lost

>>555130230
o shit

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>>555130608
rob house
dna evidence is only involved in homicide

>Wear latex body suit
>bathe in it to get rid of all skin flakes on outside
>Use icepick to murder
>FuckyeahI'mcool.jpg
>Pray to shrek to insure that the soul is properly given to the ogerlord as praise
>Masturbate
>Go to bed

>>555130736
>do drugs
>get high
>rape the police
>eat faces

>>555129598
>steal cow poop
>eat for nutrition
>return human poop

>Go to friend's house
>Go to bed
>Take a fudge round without asking while friend sleeps

>shoot up college
>eat gun
>plant knife on nigger
>cops will never know

>sneak out in middle of night
> hoodie, sunglasses (at night)
>break window of my house
>move expensive stuff to storage container
>go home, change clothes
>call police
>mfw they think i got robbed
>mfw when insurance reimburses me

>Drive fast every day
>never more than 8 mph over the limit

>mug stranger on street
>they call police
"you cant convict a dead man"
>kill self

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>living off my grandfather's immense wealth
>doesn't have to commit crimes
>money buys everything
>mfw ITT: working class scum + filthy casuals and plebs

>Masturbate in public
>Bystander calls cops
>Get vasectomy before going to court

>>555132543
If your going to kill yourself, at least go out with a bang.

>>555130965
>Not belching a massive cloud of smoke
>being this pleb

ishggydo

>http proxy
>raid tumblr
>mass suicide

> make loans to people with no chance of repament

> insure the value of loans at 10xs value should it go into default

> fluctuate interest rates to speed up default

> forclose loans, collect insurance

> complain to government you can't make money on your loans and need subsidies

> laugh all the way to the bank on insurance money, subsidies, and collateral put up for origination of the loan

>>555130608
Theyre not gonna waste money on dna shit for a robbery unless someone was murdered or the value of the stolen shit is retarded high

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>>555130965

>wear house
>gloves fingerprints
>no rob

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>steal money printer
>bribe cops not to arrest me
>infinite monies

>>555129598
>commit crime
>be white, cisgendered male
>not guilty

> insurance

> meet mechanic

> pay him to do some fancy shit

> drive around for a while expecting trouble

> car catches fire in the middle of the suburbs

> turns into a giant smoldering black fireball

> bretty good

> collect party money

shit was pretty cool

>>555132853
If you shoot yourself in the head, that is going out with a bang

>>555129598
> get married
> get wife pregnant
> have kids
> buy house, life insurance policy, car, save for college
> raise kids
> one day kids leave house
> they go to college
> they start careers and become successful people with good ideas and bad ideas who aren't afraid to fail and learn
> all along, i hated children and i wish i was dead.

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>>555133146
>wear rob
>house fingerprints
>no gloves

>>555129598
>yl
>yl
>trololololololol #yoloswag

>stab someone
>put in bed so look asleep
>police arrive
>"but how did die?"

>>555132446
I do the exact same thing

>>555130789
fucking gloves had it coming

Catch rabid racoon

Find someone you hates tooth brush

Brush racoons teeth

Put tooth brush back

They die from rabies in 30 days


Perfect

>>555130230
>Make small ice knife in freezer
>thermos
>pack with ice, put knife in middle
>put in lunchbox
>bring to work, ice hasn't melted
>lunchbreak
>privately ask boss to talk to you for a minute
>out back, no cameras
>holding ice knife
>stab in the neck and throat
>throw ice knife
>boss is kill

>>555129598
>be rich nigger
>kill white bitch with knife and small glove
>show glove too small
>be free

>>555130230
naw, i saw that shit on CSI.
they searched through a list of business associates or something, found one who had motive, went to his house, and found the murder weapon manufacturing mold in his freezer.

>>555131415
kill someone
dna evidence doesn't matter because I'm not on record and I'm not a suspect

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>>555129598
>buy whole turkey
>freeze it
>wait for the fucker to fall asleep
>beat him with dead turkey
>season and roast the turkey
>create an alibi by going to a store first and chatting with the cashier
>return home and fake cry to the police
>police won't find weapon
>they get bored and hungry
>feed them the turkey
>mfw the cops eat the only evidence

>>555134096
>Brush racoons teeth
Anon you are nice guy

>>555129598

>Become Prime minister of UK
>Print of loads of £'s
>pay of national dept
>quickly join the euro before anyone notices
>dept paid off
>£ now worthless
>Britain now uses Euro
>no consequences for Britain
>world bank collapses
>destroys world economy
>Britain uses economic strength to buy loads of gold
>revert back to £
>back up with gold
>Every currency is now worthless but the £
>every nation is extremely poor apart from Britain
>reform British empire
>Britain now a superpower again

>profit
>your welcome

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>>555130608
what if you wore a full latex suit?

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>>555134409
10/10

>break into neighbors house
>wear gloves
>download tons of cp to their computer over a long time
>hide it good
>give anonymous tip to police
>laugh

>take long smooth shit on plate
>put plate in freezer
>strip naked
>run with shit icicle and stab some guy in the side with it
>fuck shit icicle hole
>cum

>>555134409
i think i read a book on that when i was like 14

>>555133036
Also make moar loans with all money you make

>>555134104
>but how did the victim's blood end up across the room?

>>555133036
2k8 was better

>>555134890
I think it was a short story. Shit was great.

>>555129598
>purchase Beats by Dre earbuds
>pay cash
>go home
>take Beats by Dre earbuds out
>replace with iEarBuds
>return to store
>free $200 headphones

>real life experiences

to rob someone properly, dip your fingertips into wax and then wear cheap fiber gloves. Fresh wax keeps fingerprints away because fingerprints get on latex gloves when you are putting them on right?Well to put on wax you dont have to touch the wax beforehand. Second to pick the lock on the door, either spend time and pick the lock or use the old credit card trick, to make it look like they never locked it.second alarm systems have a magnet inside the doorway, that can slide off super easily. so to keep the alarm from tripping? poull it out slowly with a screwdriver or something and press it to the receiving end of the alarm.. have fun breaking the law

>>555135480
Know the name of it?

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>>555131953

>>555134409
CA stil makes highschoolers read that story didn't she also give them an alcohol

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>>555133024

>>555134409
Edgar Allen Poe you nigger

>>555129598
>buy towtruck
>tow broken down cars, illegally parked cars
>scrap cars

>>555136005
http://www.classicshorts.com/stories/lamb.html

>>555136215
Roald Dahl

>stalk drug dealers
>find stash house
>kill drug dealers
>take money, and drugs if you want
>cops think it's gang/turf related

1. In no context know your victim
2. Be absent motive
3. Minimalize evidence on scene. Set the house on fire.
4. Have a stron alibi
5. Don't talk to the police no matter what

Get away with anything

>>555130113
lol in one thread OP linked some traffic cam livefeed and ran a red light every 10 minutes like it was the most rebellious thing in the world. Cops were actually looking for him I think. Stayed up until 4am watching it like a dumbass...

>implying you pass a 16 hours straight of questioning by the cops asking you 100000 crossed questions, reenactments forward and backward of every single breath you take the time before, during and after the crime, if you ever only be suspected without any evidence.

>>555134104
Your DNA would be all over that pool of water since touching the ice-knife

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>>555136859
foreplay
<<
rebels

>>555134351
>2014 believes hes not on record

>>555136627
Chicagofag here, can affirm I have waltzed into a drug den and casually stolen 7g in cash + about a pound of weed.

>completely worth it 100%, would do again

>>555134409
lol read that shit in high school

>>555129598
>freeze water in shape of spike
>add to sweet tea
>drink tea
>leave finger prints on glass
>cut off hands
>fap with no hands
>pee after fapping
>the tea is gone and there is no evidence

problem solved

whatever you do, don't tell anyone

>>555131538
remember that story XD

FUCKING ZOMBIES

>>555137089
wear yer mittens

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>>555134147

wear alcohol
burn house
jump in it
evidence destroyed

>4chan
>free coupon thread
>steal

>>555129598
be withe

>>555132090
>dane

>>555129598
>call person to road near a river using a public phone when no one is looking wearing a mask
>find alibi for the future
>put gloves
>kill person using string
>burn body
>cut in pieces
>throws in different parts of the river inside
>no evidence

>>555134409
Twilight Zone did it.
Didn't work the second time because the freezer was unplugged, and the turkey was as soft as a Zionist's head.

>>555142970
>throws in different parts of the river inside bags*

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>>555130230
Thought about this frequently.

I'm probably like the third person to post this
>stab someone with ice knife
>ice knife melts
>Ghost-stabbings at an all time high.

>>555134152
>make the mold out of ice too
>no evidence

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>>555144085
>ice gloves
No prints.

>>555145101
>ice man

No body.

>grab katana
>grab fedora
>seek victim
>preform sneak attack
>deaded
>close eyelids to honor body
>bury under cherry blossom tree
>marry waifu under tree
>tip fedora

>>555132736
you can't be -that- rich

>>555145872
Iceman is best crime /thread
I spit water fucking everywhere

>>555129598
>rape girl
>wear condom
>no dna

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>>555146104
I'm pretty sure there was a scene of some movie where a guy tried to close a bodies eyelids right after death and they just kept popping back open.

Now I wanna know if that really happens. And what it was from..

>be white
>do some illegal shit in front of the cops
>get away with it cuz white

>>555134459
lol

>>555129598
>kill dude
>kill everyone else nearby
>no witnesses

> Build fake XFINITY hotspot
> Put it in schmancy neighborhood Starbucks or wtf-ever
> Grab a bunch of credentials from gullible rich bourgeoisie on their $1000 phones
> Log into XFINITY with stolen credentials via TAILS laptop at a McDonalds
> Check to see who among your victims has XFINITY home security
> Buy a shitload of oregano for cash
> Wrap it up in Saran Wrap and foil
> Go to victim's house
> Use XFINITY home automation to open garage door
> Walk in, steal a bunch of shit.
> Leave brick of oregano on kitchen counter
> Take a photo of it
> Go back to car
> Log in to their WiFi using their XFINITY credentials
> Post photo to Craigslist "Hey, got a shit-ton of OREGANO delivered to my house by accident. Looking to sell in dime batches at going rate. 25% discount if you buy at least 2oz."
> Go to 4chan and grab some CP while you're at it.
> Disconnect, bail the fuck out.
> Cops raid the place SWAT-style: battering rams, flash-bangs, tank truck they bought from DoD, what-the-fuck-ever.
> Fucking wreck the crime scene
> Probably shoot someone's fucking dog for shits and giggles
> No evidence of breaking & entering now, bitches.
> Even if they collect forensic evidence, the crime scene is spoiled. You'll never do a day in jail!

>>555147108
and this is why 15% of criminals are white.

>take a shit
>form into a pointed edge
>freeze it
>stab someone with my shitsicle
>flush the shit and wash hands thoroughly

>>555129598
>Be female
>Break up with boyfriend, Save sperm in syring for later use
>wait till ex has new GF
>rape her with monster strap on and beat her
>Use Ex BF sperm inside her
>Profit

>>555147479
No good, you got blood on the shit. That's DNA evidence on YOUR SHIT. They'll be able to trace it back to the victim. They'll be like "THIS SHIT KILLED SOMEONE".

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Maybe it's because it's 1am and I've been up since 5, but this thread is fucking gold.
And there's only one post mentioning tumblr.

>>555147868
then I'll take a bigger shit, club the person with it, they die from blunt force trauma and INTERNAL bleeding

>>555147979
make that 2

>get a job as a cop
>kill roodypoos
>profit

>rob house
>kill inhabitants
>police come
>kill police
>eat police
>repeat as more police show up
>free house and unlimited food

i thought of another

>hack white house
>turn on incognito while browsing
>never find me

>jay walk
>suicide
>can't catch a dead bandit

> Give House a mug
> Tell House about new patient Rob, hands chopped up in industrial shredder
> Give gloves to Rob, but Rob can't wear gloves
> Rob says "It's LUPUS"
> House says "Shut up, it's never LUPUS"
> Hands mug to Rob
> Rob can't hold all of these mugs
> Throws mug at Rob
> Arrested for assault
> ...
> Rob House
> mug shot
> assault
> no fingerprints

>make ice glove
>CSI in freezer
>boss stabs you
>rape

>>555149439
kek

>>555148576
I hate myself a little more now..

>be nigger
>grab a white friend
>stab the fuck outta another nigger
>dont bother to hide the bloody knife
>cops come
>"wasn't me officers"
>they see your white friend
>"ok stay outta trouble"
>works every time

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>Kill someone
>Perform blood ritual to harvest god
>Throw sacrificial corpse into volcano
>No body to investigate or to find, and world hunger is ended
>???
>Profit!

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>>555146104
>marry waifu under tree
Holy fuck my sides

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>>555148619
/thread

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>wear gloves
>find old mattress
>kidnap cow (calfnap to be exact)
>steal a crane
>break into local high school
>walk cow up to the top floor of school
>place mattress in the pool so it soaks up the water
>cows can't walk downstairs
>mattress will be 10x more heavier from the added water weight
>it will take a crane to get them out
>no one can get the crane because it was stolen
>no DNA

> be white

>>555134096
Yeah good luck brushing a rapid raccoon's teeth, Jack fucking Hanna.

>>555130789
lost

>kill millions of jews
>an hero

>>555151056
*rabid

>>555134868
electric retard?

>>555151107
U truly are a hero

>>555133146
>house gloves
>fingerprints no
>wear rob

>>555132807
L2cum?

>buy 3d printer
> 3d print another 3d printer
>download a car and 3d print it
>3d print moniez
The posibilities are endless

>>555129598

> be 1946
> kill 3 million german civilians
> say "OMG LOOK THEY KILLED 6 MILLION HORROCAUST!"

>>555130375
since when raping jews a crime?

>>555130549

topkek

>>555132736
If really rich, why aren't you fixing this shit? The world is unloving and shitty. You have power. Are you just evil?

>>555129598
>drive around late at night
>find other driver
>shoot other driver
>drive off
>no witnesses
>nobody knows

>>555130230
also if you want to have some fun bludgeoning your victim, freeze a ton of sawdust in a roughly club like shape. shit is hard as bricks when it's frozen but when you're done just throw it in a river or some shit and it's impossible to find once it melts.

>>555133823
Is this true???

shave off all body hair. wear gloves. wear clothes and shoes that were purchased at a thrift store. only pay for things with cash. take bus or walk to location of crime. bring a small spray bottle of ammonia to destroy any fluids with dna. etc. etc.

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>>555152294
it should be seeing how ugly they are for the rapist's sake

>>555129598
>walk up clocktower
>silenced sniper rifle
>shoot random civilian
>retrieve bullet casing

>be female
>get pregnant by desprate neck beard
>have kids
>divorce fuck
>recieve child support off husband
>fake kid suicides
>have money
> repeat process

>>555134104
Cameras show you and boss walking to back of building. Cameras also show you leaving building with blood on your clothes, after returning from the back.

>>555153583
9gag...

>wear crane gloves
>find old crane
>kidnap crane (cranenap to be exact)
>steal a crane
> crane into local high school
>crane cow up to the top floor of school
>crane mattress in the pool so it soaks up the water
>cranes can't walk downstairs
>crane will be 10x more heavier from the added water weight
>it will take a crane to get them out
>no one can get the crane because it was stolen
>no crane

>>555129598

The perfect crime is not the crime that the police can not solve. The perfect crime is the crime that the police did not even know existed.

Here is an example of a "perfect crime":

Murder:

Homeless people are probably the easiest target. They don't have work or school in the morning. Nobody will notice they are gone. You don't even need to use a weapon or anything to kill these people. Wait for a very cold winter night when you see one. Give them a bottle of booze, and they will drink it to "keep warm". Little do they know it will make them freeze to death much faster. You could literally kill hundreds of these people in this fashion, and nobody would bat an eye, nor would you be convicted of anything even if everything is caught on camera, and their are tons of witnesses. All you did was give a bum some booze. No need to spike it with poison just regular old booze will do the trick.

>>555135503

A large whale managed to fool one of our brilliant store managers after purchasing a laptop, taking it home and replacing the new one with an ancient brick laptop that was greasy as fuck. I opened the clip latch and lifted the monitor.. Fried chicken debris everywhere.

Got out with a free laptop after she told my manager that this piece of shit was in the box when she opened it. The sides of the box were protruding and there was absolutely nothing else inside. I worked with some mighty intelligent folks.

>steal news van
>how would they report it

>>555153941

>grease up 3 pigs, label 1, 3 and 4
>Release into high school
>takes a crane to get them out

>>555135503
Wait what. What. I can't. What?

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>>555134868

>>555152294

nigger raping jews makes you a nazi.

>>555154229
The perfect crime, however, should actually be a crime. You may be a jerk but, unless the state could prove the homeless person had diminished capacity and you knew it, there is no crime.

It's gotta be a crime first to be a perfect crime

>>555153773
The cancer has been sucessfully implanted into 4chan

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you're not already a criminal, your DNA would be useless to police.
How are they gonna match up DNA to a mystery man.

>>555136907

I was home reading a book, at some point i took a nap. Come at me.

>>555154474
Heil Eric

>grease up 3 cranes, label 1, 3 and 4
>Crane into high school
>takes a crane to get them out

>>555141837
What did ever Happen to those Jewpon threads? They just abruptly stopped in the middle of last year

>shit on debra's desk
>swallow sadness
>supreme gentleman debra with sharpened shitsicle

>>555129867
>raep stranger
>cut off own cock and balls
>wut me offecer?

>>555136859
Haha that was that guy who called the cops saying OP was suicidal

How come thats even allowed there in land of burgers? Making false reports?

>Wear gloves
>Steal gun from honest and trustworthy black gentlement
>Shoot random person with gun
>Return gun
>kek

>>555155219

> grease up 3 high schools, label 1, 3 and 4
> high schools into crane
> takes a high school to get them out

guys, please don't talk about breaking into houses or rape. These are very triggering phrases to me.

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Sup fags

> Casual Friday
> Flush tampons in men's room toilet
> Make break-room coffee extra strong
> Wait for coffee-slurping guy to run for the shits
> Hide in next stall
> When he flushes, everything goes wrong
> "OHSHIT.JPG"
> He runs out to get plumber
> Grab garbage bag from bathroom
> Steal his shit
> Put it in break-room freezer
> Get distracted by Jenny in accounting
> Make small-talk, agree to lunch
> Forget to make shit-sicle and stab boss
> Secretary cleaning out break-room freezer finds frozen shit and tampons in a bag
> Nobody owns up
> Boss orders DNA testing
> Jerk-ass gets fired
> Get Jenny's number
> 867-5309

I am enjoying this thread a lot more than I thought I would

>>555156168
YA GUYS OMFG TRIGGER WARNING MUCH? GAHD I SWEAR THERES BEEN 37 HORRIFIC MEMORIES RESURFACE BY THIS THREAD ALONE!

>>555155363
a lot of places got smart to them and started training their workers to watch for and report all internet coupons. still can get by with them at some walmarts though. as for why no more threads on here, i'm pretty sure jewpon's were added to the mod's shit list of moral and legal faggotry

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>relative dies
>cut off index finger
>do many crimes with full body latex suit on
>leave dead relatives finger print everywhere
>cops come to question family
>pull the "can't you see we are mourning here our (how relative is kin to you) just died"
>cops feel like shit while leaving
>cops an hero on cam for 4chun
>all the cops in town kill themselves
>do infinite crimes

>>555156478
LMAO is this a real event?

>>555156168

> break into house
> rape
> takes a crane to roll her over

>drink
>drive
>get home fine
feels great man

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>>555156373
become an hero of faggatrons world

>>555156168
>Walk up to house
>break into doorknob
>Rape house through door knob hole

> Pull tag off mattress
> Use pesticide in a manner inconsistent with its labeling
> Drive at a rate of speed exceeding the posted limit
> Take more than one penny when I have a pocket full of loose change already

/b/ - RandomThe stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a crane would crane anything craned here as fact.

>>555157520

> Love sees love's happiness
> But happiness can't see that love is sad
> That love is sad
> Sadness is hanging there
> To show love somewhere something needs a change
> They need a change

>eat sandwich

>>555157520
/b/ - Cranes
The cranes and crane information posted here are craniac works of cranes and cranehood only a crane would crane anything craned here as fact

>>555157992

Reported.

>>555156639
That sucks shit, I managed to get a free case of beer at one point. Oh whale, all good things must come to an end

WHY IS RAPE SO FUNNY TO YOU GUYS? SERIOUSLY!? THIS TYPE OF LANGUAGE IS SERIOUSLY TRIGGERING TO ME AND PROBABLY LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT ON THE INTERNET WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HOW IT WILL AFFECT SOMEONE ELSE FIRST. YOU 4CHAN GUYS ARE SO MISOGYNISTIC IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY. I'M GOING BACK TO TUMBLR WHERE MY WOMYN FRIENDS WILL WELCOME ME WITH OPEN THE DOOR GET ON THE FLOOR EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR. FUCK YOU 4CHAN. YOU GUYS ARE PATHETIC.

>>555158132
repoated, see you in tribunal

>>555158459
Kek
>HEY YOU READING THIS
> YOU'RE A FAGGOT

>>555156734

Lol i called Jenny , she's totally dtf

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>>555154758

> Love sees crane's happiness
> But crane can't see that love is sad
> That crane is sad
> Crane is hanging there
> To show love somewhere something needs a crane
> They need a crane

>>555135503
Headphones aren't returnable at any respectable store.

>>555132296
>2014
>implyinng the nigger isn't already carrying a knife

>>555158134
if you still have the how to page, it should contain everything you need to make your own. just avoid using at target or anywhere that isn't walmart. even then, try to find the cashier that looks like they hate their job the most. i normally go to sporting goods or electronics cause the managers hate being called back there. picked up a couple of free 12-month xbox live cards and $60 point cards that way.
if you're too lazy to make your own, and think you can act, try just changing the printed expiration date on any coupons you still have. the bar code won't work in the system, but you can sometimes convince a manager to override it anyway.

>>555158995

Go to sleep John.

> write a -$100,000,000 check
> repeat
> infinite moneys

Joseph m is a faggot

>sage
>profit

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>Set up usury banking system in the 18th century
>Manipulate England's political system
>Continue to do so in the "brave, new world" that is the United States of America
>Teach my children to do the same
>Hundreds of years of unethical and immoral financial practices
>My latest heir has been telling the last half-dozen U.S. Presidents what to do
>The perfect crime
>My face when

>>555132367
Ok this is actually a good idea

>purchase Beats by Dre crane
>pay cash
>go home
>take Beats by Dre crane out
>replace with iEarCranes
>return to store
>free $200 cranes
>real life cranes

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>>555159263
Here's some specials you can make barcodes for.

>>555129598
Well, I could greentext a story about how I was charged with armed robbery, anyone interested?

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> Have feels
> Don't tell cops
> Get away with thoughtcrime
> Attend 10 minutes' hate with smile on face
> Still have feels

>>555131463
Often thought about this, or simply being a menace in general in a morph suit. My only concern is foot prints

>be me
>be dog
>walking
>see human eating taco
>I want taco
>I run up to him to steal taco
>bark
>'what the fuck' he says
>he calls the police
>i find out im a human
>live in a mental institution for the rest of my life

>make nuclear bomb out of ice
>drop it in jew york, melt sidelocks
>ice melts, do a 360° turn, whistle a happy tune and just walk away

>Raise potatoes
>Use potatoes to make vodka
>Grab random non-Finnish person
>Force them to drink vodka
>Alcohol will kill them
>Place corpse in an alley near a bar
>Buy bottles from said bar, and poor them into a large container
>Make it look like the victim has been drinking himself to death by placing the bottles next to him and placing his fingerprints and saliva on them
>Creep away
>Nobody knows that you did it
>Celebrate with the beer you kept

>Set up usury crane system in the 18th century
>Manipulate England's crane system
>Continue to do so in the "brave, new world" that is the United Cranes of America
>Teach my children to do the crane
>Hundreds of years of unethical and immoral crane practices
>My latest crane has been telling the last half-dozen U.S. Presidents what to crane
>The perfect crane
>My crane when

>ask underage slut to flash a security camera
>sue establishment for cp

>call gamestop with skype
>ask for battletoads
>laugh your ao because they can't trace shit

>>555160195

> Buy a pair of shitty size-12 shoes at Goodwill and a smaller pair that fits you
> Fill pizza box with plaster of paris
> Rub shoes with light coating of WD-40, then stick shoes in plaster
> Pour RTV silicone into Size-12 mold
> Press your smaller shoes on top of the mold
> Now your shoes leave Size 12 footprints from the wrong brand shoes
> When crime-time is over, melt the fake-shoe-bottom in a metal box in the oven
> Die from fumes
> No fingerprints
> Police use crane to get your body out

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>>555156373
sup

>>555136691
have you never seen la noire?

Perfect Crane Thread

>crane house
>crane gloves
>crane fingerprints

>rob gloves
>raep house
>profit?

> Suffer from crippling depression.
> Sense of humor makes it worth going on.
> Keep a diary.
> Read obituary section every day.
> Whenever someone named "Edward" dies of a heart attack, write in your journal "I GOT ANOTHER ONE. COPS WILL NEVER FIGURE OUT HOW I DID IT."
> Buy shitty pistol for cash
> Look up a bunch of "Edward" in phone book
> Grab journal and pistol, head out on your final mission.
> Ring doorbells until you find a heavyset, older Edward.
> Shoot Edward and yell "YOU TOOK TOO FUCKING LONG, FAT-ASS!"
> An hero
> Cops find journal
> Retroactively credit you with high score

>>555130789
who's rob gloves? somebody i should know about!?

>Find nigger drug house
>Wait for first of month
>Sneak in and hide
>Roody poos come back
>Bust out beat all but one to death with hammer
>Inject shit tons of heroin into survivors veins
>Survivor OD's
>Steal nigger money & drugs
>Turn gas on
>Start small fire house burns
>Burn clothes and gloves
>

>>555130230
no no, it's suffocating them with snow. it melts into their stomach, so just looks like undigested water.

>>555160931
>Walk into GameStop with son
>ask cashier for Battletoads
>cashier has just about had it with being asked on the phone if they have Battletoads
>cashier loses his shit and attacks you
>call the cops and report for assault
>threaten to sue GameStop
>manager apologizes
>free games from GameStop for life

>>555132090
YOU FUCKING MONSTER

>>555160154
nigga i be participating in doublethink everyday
>2014
>thinks party even cares about feels

>Drug acquaintnce gets busted for illegal science lab leaves guns at my home tells me to hold to them
>Get tired of having stolen merchandise in my possession so sale them
Guy gets out pissedoff.JPEG no guns tells me I'm a dead man comes to my house with a gun.
>Shoot him immediately on sight and wrap him in a tarp then procede to go to the river to burn the body in a barrel then I dumped the few remains in the river.
>Spent seven months in jail and was found innocent no body no crime. They even found blood in the trunk

>>555129598
Perfect Crime Thread
>rob house
>don't wear gloves
>fingerprints everywhere

What officer it's simple some one is trying to frame me

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<----

>>555133320
shiggydiggydoo

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>Walk into GameStop with crane
>ask cashier for Battlecranes
>cashier has just about had it with being asked on the phone if they have Battlecranes
>cashier cranes his shit and attacks you
>call the cops and report for assault
>threaten to sue GameStop
>manager apologizes
>free cranes from GameStop for life

>>555152815
it is for me...

>>555151056
just picture some anon trying to do this sent my sides in orbit

>>555135503
And THIS is why i buy the cheap fake shit on amazon first

>go to library
>download cp on library computers
>save to flash drive
>murder librarian
>nobody knows who downloaded the cp

>embody Hitler
>commit genocide
>profit/raep

Break into house.

Drink milk.

Leave money to replace milk.

Poop on rug.

>>555156478
Lost

>>555147085
that movie where theyre stuck in an elevator woth the devil?

>>555163050
ily

>id

>>555146104
tep kok

>>555162206
>undigested water
>implying you can digest H2O

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>>555132807
Shooting blanks is same as ejaculating cum without the sperm seed stupid.