Suck my own dick

>close browser

>>542539403
You attempt to close the browser, but unfortunately, there is no browser to close. You don't even have a computer. There probably isn't any kind of wireless signal in miles. You consider stopping being a faggot and finding a way to get out of here.
>5&10

>>542539797
Masturbate furiously

>>542538995
Did you do one of these threads before?

>look out window

>>542539917
Reroll.

>>542539797
>Throw poop at wall

>>542539917
REroll

>>542540085
Despite the pressing situation you find yourself in, you still manage to defecate on your hand and throw your own feces at the wall. You are not sure if this was useful in anyway, but you surely showed the man who's boss. Your hand is now stained with shit and you can't put your pants back up until you find a way to wipe.
>6&7

>>542540479
>Wipe hands at hair

Use the banana picker

>>542540479

>lick feces of hand and suffocate in the process

>>542540479
>insert fist in anus

>Smear shit all over wall, lick the rest one you can get most of it all off

>walk around with mangina

>>542540757
In a sudden moment of complete idiocy, you decide to lick the feces off your hand and try to off yourself in the process, in a kind of poetic way to escape from your confinement. You end up puking and passing out in your own filth.
>2&8

>>542541115
Get up and stick one hand up ass and one hand on floor, feeling around for something--anything!

>>542541115
>dream about sex and jizz all over the vomit

>>542541115
>Rape hole in wall

North

>>542541115
>cock slap your way through the wall

>>542541402
wtfRAR?

>>542541402
You wake up from your shit trip. Despite your complete lack of orientation, you waddle with your pants down towards what you think most probably is north. You bump against something and hear a jar breaking right besides you.
>4&9

Poop in my hand and Make a shiv outta my poop

>>542538995
Try find a wall then find a door

>>542541689
Put jar shards in anus.

>>542541689
In the jar is weed, smoke it and think about quantumphysics to find a method to deintegrate the walls of your prison

Pick up glass and wipe ass with

>>542541689
>cock slap your way through the wall

>>542541804
Winrar

>>542541804
You find yourself unable to poop anymore, so you just pick up some of the shit that is smeared all over the floor and combine it with a piece of the jar to arm yourself with a trusty weapon. You also build a small altar to Shiva for good luck.
>0&1

>>542541689
OP?

>bump

wipe ass with shiv

>>542542298
Take pants off, run at the window and dolphin jump through it

>>542542298
Praying at the altar to thy goddess shiva, she sends you down a big fat and long doobie and you light it up.
You start thinking about the string theory to metaphorm to a different location outside your prison

scream for help as loud as i can

With the instructions from this video, i'll safe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

Piss on floor, mix with shit, drink it

>>542542430
WINRAR!!!

>>542542518
reroll

>>542542430
You start crying as you insert your trusty weapon inside your anus. As painful as it is, it seems like it was effective enough to remove most of the fecal material. You put your pants up with your hands covered in shit and blood. You hear footsteps outside the walls.
>5&8

>>542542702
>>5&8
Inventory

>>542542702
Make louder footsteps to confue other footsteps

>>542542702

Furiously fap, try to cum into the face of the person (if someone comes in).

>>542542702
You hide behind the door.

duck

shout out loudly that my anus is bleeding

>>542542702
Scream the navy seals copypast as loud as possible

>>542542702
stab the man that is most likely going to enter the room

Bite tongue off.

>>542542765
You check yourself for anything that may be useful. In your person you find:
-Your trusty weapon
-A broken condom
-A note
-A flashlight
-A single cigarette
>2&9

>>542543040
Shove everything in anus

read note

>>542543040
You hide behind the door, light the cigarette and read the note

>>542543040
>>2&9
Look flashlight

Drop inventory

>>542543040
Grab the flashlight and do shadow puppets with the incoming persons

>>542543040
put condom on weapon use it in case someone comes in.

>>542543040
Scream loudly "This is sparta" and kick something

>>542543152
You find a rusty metal door and sit right besides it. This is your shitty idea of hiding. You try to light the cigarette, but you don't have a lighter. The note reads as follows:
"Eggs, milk, steak, fruit loops
- Dave"
You hear the steps coming closer.
>9

>>542543713
masturbate furiously

>>542543713
Take flashlight, turn it on.
Shove flashlight into anus, light-first.
Open mouth.
Blind intruder with the light coming out of your mouth.

>>542543713
Stab yourself with weapon and cry for help.

>>542543860
reroll

>>542543713
Ponder life difficulties and then loudly ask "why does my wife beat me"

Take off clothing

>>542543713
Start masturbating furiously to deter the invader

Stop and check my map. Clearly I've been shitting in circles.

>>542543989
Nice.

File: 1393912257873.gif (1 MB, 640x360) Image search: [Google]

1 MB, 640x360

>>542543989
WinRAR ! ! !

>why does my wife beat me?
>>mfw

>>542543989
Ahahah, pure genius.
God I am screencapping all of this.

>>542544352
Please collage it when it finally reaches the end. I love these threads.

>>542543860
>Blind intruder with the light coming out of your mouth.
We should start a Kickstarter, man I'd love to see this game complete with graphics and sound

>>542543989
You try to think about something profound, but fail miserably because you are a faggot. Instead you just yell at the top of your lungs "WHY DOES MY WIFE BEAT ME" for no apparent reason. You hear mumbling on the other side of the door and the sound of keys. Think of something. Fast. >0

>>542544640

Take flashlight, turn it on.
Shove flashlight into anus, light-first.
Open mouth.
Blind intruder with the light coming out of your mouth.

Elbow drop door

>>542544640
Shit dick through glory hole in door

Shit in own butt

>>542544640
scream "what have you done with dave?!?!"

>>542544753
reroll

>>542544637
Just a game with people shoving shining flashlights into their anuses, and walking around with light coming out of their open mouths

>>542544640
shit all over yourself so you're invisible to heat sensors and look brown then try to look like a wall

>>542544640
can't think of anything. slam your head against the wall repeatedly

>>542544640
put flashlight on ground, pointing at you.
sit down, put cigarette in mouth and spread your legs

>>542544780
Dunno why I lol'd

>>542544640
Wait for the intruder to enter the room, come up behind him and hit him with the flash light, and then proceed to do the rain dance around his body.

>>542544780
You step back a little and then jump into the air, performing your signature maneuver the epic macho elbow drop against the door. The door is opened before you can actually land your hit, and you just fall into the floor instead, between two sets of boots. God you are dumb.

>>542544640
Start reenacting movie lines.

>>542545146
ELBOW DROP BOOTS

>>542545146
Oh yeah
>8

>>542545146
Eat laxative and shit for safety

Suplex boots

Kiss whomever is behind the door

>>542545350
>>542545350
>>542545350
>>542545350
>>542545350
i luls

>>542545146
look up
"N-notice me.... senpai...."

>>542545318
You squirm around trying to find some laxative, but you find none. You decide to instead grab some of the shit that makes up your trusty weapon and smear it on your face as camouflage.
>7

>>542545146
Take flashlight, turn it on.
Shove flashlight into anus, light-first.
Open mouth.
Blind intruder with the light coming out of your mouth.

>>542545146
Demand the person to set you free, or you will continue to defecate on his floor.

Take off clothing and piss on them

Point at guards and ask them 'WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO BROTHER?'

>>542545627
ahahaha!!! this thread is fuck full of idiots

I love it

>>542545146
Tell him you're a woman, and you don't deserve this type of treatment, tell him he is beneath you and that he should be the one shiving shit out of his asshole

>>542545627
WINRAR

>>542545627
You squirm around trying to take off your clothing to assert dominance. A guard grabs you by the arm before you can remove your shirt and starts dragging you down the hallway. You pee yourself anyway to show them who is the boss here.
>3

leg drop guards

Tell a your mom joke to the guard.

>>542545971
Bite hand run down the hallway and out the front door then eat some food and shit

>>542545971
slash one of the guards achilles with your makeshit shiv

>>542546159
roll
>>3

>>542545971
Start chanting this as the gaurd pulls you Beware, beware, walk with care,
care for what you do
or Mumbo-Jumbo is gonna hoo-doo you,
Mumbo-Jumbo is gonna hoo-doo you.
Boom-lay, boom-lay, boom-lay, BOOM.

>>542545971
Shiv guard with most useful item

>>542545971
Offer to suck the guards dick and if he says no rape him

Become God out of nowhere and blow up the earth because you want to.

>>542545971
Offer to teach the guards how to use their sphincters to full potential. As lord of assholes that must be the reason you are there.

>>542546260
reroll

>>542546340
reroll

>>542545971
Activate your Stand, Shitfest faggotry

>>542545971
I have tears in my eyes from laughing.

nibble on his arm and tell him to make love to your piss and shit staind body.

>>542545971
>>show them who is the boss here.

You dont give a shit anymore huh?

also:

Bite your finger off, put it in anus while maitaining eye contact with the other guard and keeping a poker face

>>542546474
do it!

>>542546415
Roll

Stick trusty weapon in own leg

>>542546340
RE-reroll

>>542545971
Wait to see where I'm being carried off to

Tell the guard all this being dragged along is making you feel kind of horny

>>542546643
WINrar

>>542546260
>>542546643
>>542546723
Dang it, I don't know which is better.

>>542545971
Grab you shiv, and slice his Achilles tendon, as he is falling to one knee, stab him in the neck, and then slam his head against the wall. Most likely another gaurd is going to come at you, he'll throw a haymaker in order to subdue you quickly, you will duck down to the left side of the attack, put your palm on his elbow and push up, and stab his arm pit, and then proceed to knee him in the stomach.

File: 1391037839761.png (519 KB, 836x895) Image search: [Google]

519 KB, 836x895

>mfw this thread

>>542546723
You turn around to one of the guards and tell him that all this being around is making you horny. "That's the point" he replies. You seriously shit yourself this time.

>>542547098
>Grab you shiv, and slice his Achilles tendon, as he is falling to one knee, stab him in the neck, and then slam his head against the wall. Most likely another gaurd is going to come at you, he'll throw a haymaker in order to subdue you quickly, you will duck down to the left side of the attack, put your palm on his elbow and push up, and stab his arm pit, and then proceed to knee him in the stomach.

Bite off own tongue and bleed to death quietly.

>>542547098
Oh fuck I forgot again
>4

>>542547240
Look the other guard in the eye, start crying with only one eye while smiling with the other-side half of your mouth

>>542547098
woah man!! you missed
>>542546643

Ask him if he smells what the rock is cooking? run to one end of the corridor then run to the other. Proceed to lay the smackdown with a peoples elbow.

>>542547098
I look down.

Do I have breasts?

Stab shiv in own throat

>>542547163

Rolling for this

>>542547163
Roll

cum in guard's eye in an attempt to blind him

>>542547494

Chicken DinRAR

>>542547374
You think of this super cool double face thing to intimidate the guard. Shit it's so cool. You try to do it but you just end up crying like a faggot. The guard kicks you and tells you to stop. Man this hallway is long.
>7

>>542547381
Shit I didn't notice! I am sorry.

Pluck out own eyes and yank on own cock as hard as possible

>>542547748
let myself fall to the ground, start sobbing uncontrollably and grab onto his legs and say "please let me go I won't tell anyone I promise just please let me go"

>>542547748
Begin autofellatio

>>542547748
Try to do multiple barrel rolls to escape the grab, don't stop until you are free

>>542547748
since guard one is dead, guard two is close, with the armpit being a large artery, he is sure to bleed out soon, but you're just not the kind of man to not finish a job, so you continue to stab the man, and scream "you see what you made me do mommy, you see"

>>542547748
Start sucking your right big toe while pulling your self up on his shoulders to have a better view

Ask how you got into the room and stab self in the leg with weapon

>>542547748
Ask where they are taking you and whether Ms. Tuffet will be joining you all for dinner.

>>542547897
You take out your cock with your free hand and try to suck yourself off. Unfortunately, you aren't flexible enough and your cock is rather small, so you fail miserably. You've got a feeling that if you don't escape the guard's clutches soon, you'll be in serious trouble.
>1

Cover myself in semen and feces. Then squeeze myself through the iron bars at the window.

>>542548376
Shank the guard with my shiv and try to run

Ask to hold guards hands and submit to his will.

Tell them about your love for lance

>>542548376
ask if you can have your last cigarette before they kill you

>>542546980
>>542548034
>>542548376
do these ones.

File: project.png (407 KB, 1222x3000) Image search: [Google]

407 KB, 1222x3000

>>542544613
Here you go, missed some bits because had to restart.

>>542548376
Stab the guard with my shitshiv

>>542548541
:)

>>542548541
You are too scared to think logically, so in a sudden attack of faggotry, you try to ask the guard to hold your hand. You can't pronounce the words properly so you just end up trying to hold the guard's hand. He doesn't seem to notice. From this new angle, you see that there's a gun hanging from his belt, and it is JUST within reach.
>2

>>542549223
tell them his gun is reachable

>>542549223
ask to hold hands again

>>542549223
speak out loud "that gun is within my reach"

>>542549223
Point out the guard's potentially fatal lax gun attentiveness to him.

>>542549223
Take gun, shove in anus, pull trigger

File: SHITSHIT.jpg (161 KB, 600x1045) Image search: [Google]

161 KB, 600x1045

if you want to make a more serious thread on a slower board i'll be happy to join

>>542549402

hahahaha!!!! YES!

Inform the guard you were almost able to take his gun from him

>>542549402
I lol'd. nice win

>>542549402
HAHAHAH

>>542549476
nice

>>542549476
oh fuck this thread is making me laugh so hard, and then this...holy shit it hurts so good

>>542549402
As you hold hands with the guard you say loud and clear "That gun is within my reach". He notices and takes it with his other hand. "Thanks for telling me mate." What did you even think that'd accomplish?

>>542549476

I fucking love you Anon

>>542549762
>>542549402
I was being friendly

>>542549762
stop forgetting numbers!

>>542549762
>>542549898
Fuck I am seriously stupid, from now on the number will be 0.

Whilst he is distracted with moving his gun swipe it from him

>>542549762
Ask the guard if you can suck him off, you're feeling thirsty and hungry. If he refuses, bang your head in the air and cry.

>>542549402
Ask for a lighter to lit a cigarette.

>>542549762
"Will you let me go if I suck your dick, while your friend takes me in my ass and teases my balls?"

Suddenly out of nowhere, grab weapon and stab it in the side of own neck

>>542549223
Tell the guard you really like his gun and ask if you can borrow it for a sec.

>>542549981
start singing the national anthem to calm the situation

Wiggle out of your pants and make a shit trail as you're dragged, also tell the guard you are doing this

0 get

>>542549981
Loudly anounce that they are all racing to a flashlight

>>542550085

Reroll

Shiv the guard and try to steal the gun

>>542549762
Get a boner, then say loud and clearly:

"I have an erection."

>>542550117
pls

>>542549762
spit on the guards clothes to piss him off

>>542549762
as you realize the dumbness of your acts, you ask the guards about the fedora you were wearing

>>542549981
Put flashlight in a broken condom, turn it on.

>>542550260
WINRARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!@!!!!!!!!

Declare outloud "I am at your mercy o guard, and I would like to know how in the world could"

>>542550260
dun goofed

Fap so long against a wall until it breaks down.

please someone stick around for the whole thing and collage it. I have to commute home.

OP this was great, thanks for the laugh and thanks everyone contributing to make this some seriously funny shit.

suddenly you remember all the youtube videos on disarming and you attempt to disarm with a succeeding and you kill him

>>542550260
You decide to spit on the guard's clothes, as part of your convoluted and well thought out plan of escape. He gets pissed off and shoots you in the dick. You arrive to a door at the end of the hallway and the guard drops you on the floor to look for the key.
>Also in case someone else didn't see it, the number will be 0 from now on

>>542550575
punch through his pants and fist his asshole

>>542550575

Moan and shout loudly, with a lisp,
"Oh yeah, that really turned me on, can you shoot me again"
"I'm so horny right now"

>>542550575
Retrieve your mutilated gentials and shiv the guard with them

Bleed to death from gunshot wound

taste penis blood

>>542550575
run back to the dark room

pick up bit of dick that came off from the gunshot and ram it in the guards mouth

>>542550575
attempt autofellatio.
again.

>>542550575
do back flip and kill him with one single thrust of your big toe

>>542550720

God damn it

>>542550575
Open the door (it wasn't even locked) and run off.

Ask the guard if he has accepted Jesus Christ as his lord and savior

>>542550720
I've been a lucky bastard today :)

>>542550720
WINRARRR LOOOL

>>542550720
damnit
wanrar.
i gues

>>542550575
Put flashlight in a broken condom, turn it on, look around.

>>542538995

>i look to see what kind of photographs are being developed in here

>>542550720
you bleed as the guard opens the door to the outside. You feel the fresh air in your face one last time before you die. You have escaped.
Game Over
Continue from checkpoint?
>Yes
>No

>>542550903

what does that acomplish?

>>542550954
kek

>>542550575
Bite his leg and rip some flesh off.

>>542550575
grab bloody dick and fap furiously until and cum in his eyes

>>542550989
Yes

>>542550575
say:
why have you taken my meds away from me? I get kinda crazy when I don't take them. now seriously, can't we talk about this like adults?

>>542550989
Attempt to take over guard -> shoot own dick

>>542550989
yes

File: 270.jpg (188 KB, 792x991) Image search: [Google]

188 KB, 792x991

>>542538995
sdfg

>>no

>>542550989
yes but attempt autofellatio as soon as you start >>542551070
FAGGOT

>>542550989
yes

>>542551060
Well, I guess that's it then.
Too bad.

>>542551017
Nothing and that is the point.

>>542551152
shit i meant
>>542551060

>>542551282
More people voted yes, don't be a faggot.

>>542551282
Plot twist: We wake up and the real game starts

>>542551282


WAIT

>>542551070

/bite tongue
Ded

>>542551375
i agree

>>542551405
Look around

File: 967dc3e3-55f9-493e-bf9a-157ae7db8.gif (319 KB, 314x314) Image search: [Google]

319 KB, 314x314

this is seriously the most creative thread I've seen on /b/ in a long time. OP is a cool faggot.

>>542551070
>>542551490
You reconsider spitting on the guard's clothes. Now that you think of it, your day has been bad enough as it is. You arrive at a door at the end of the hallway. The guard puts you on the floor as he looks for the keys to open the door.

OP let's start fresh?

>>542551490
aww yiss
winrars

>>542551739

begin blowing his pencildick

>>542551739
Start breakdancing

>>542551739
Grab gun and shoot own dick

>>542551739
Lie down on back, stomach up, pull down pants and get a visible erection. Wait for guard's reaction.

>>542551739
Begin to cry quietly, in hopes the guard will comfort you.

>>542551739
Attack him, take his gun. And rape him at gunpoint

>>542551910

This should be good

>>542551896
rollan dolan

>>542551910
jewrar

>>542552010
guard will probably shoot dick

incase of roll an 0

>soft caress his left calf, and notice that there is a knife hidden in his boot

>>542551910
You lay down in the floor with your stomach up, you pull down your pants and get the biggest erection you've ever had in your life. You stare at the guard with a shit eating grin. He looks down at you and says "Hey Hank, where did we even find this faggot?". His lack of interest for your boner turns you off.

>>542552287
begin fisting self until elbow deep.

keep eye contact.

cry somewhat

>>542552287
Get some precum and rub it on the guard. Wait for his reaction.

>>542552287
Tear of your own testicles and eat them while smiling.