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>>535207610
#1

>Explaining how to do a lab report to sophomores
>This one girl cuts me off mid-sentence and asks to go to the bathroom
>donteverfuckinginteruptmyshit
>I glare at her and continue explaining
>She raises her hand eagerly
>Asks again
>Decline, break was in like 10 minutes anyways
>After about 5 minutes her face is pale as shit
>Looks ridiculously uncomfortable
>fine go
>She scurries out, but one thing everyone notice was the stream of red blood soaking the back of her skirt and literally streaming all the way down her leg
> even her white sock was fucking red
>literally left a trail behind her and a puddle in her seat
>the boys expressions were priceless

>>535207738
#2

>I’m passing by the boy’s dorms ‘cause it was my turn on duty
>Smell the familiar smell of weed
>Knock on the door and wait for him to answer
>I hear a panicked gasp before he opens the door 2 minutes later
>room is full of smoke
>if you’re gonna smoke in a fucking boarding school try to be smart about it
>His eyes were red and droopy as fuck
>He just stood there smiling at me
>I was reprimanding him and he just stayed in that same fucking position
>When I asked if he was listening he nodded and awkwardly shuffled towards me
>This kid was chubby as fuck and about 5’2
>He gives me one last smile before he hugs me
>doesn’t let go till about 4 minutes pass
>I lost my shit laughing
>Did not report him

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#3

Now moving on to stories in the lab,

>We decided to give the students the freedom to decide their own experiments
>It’s much easier to just grade them on the quality of the lab report
>One kid missed the lesson where said experiments were made
>It’s okay, just do it in your free lesson
>Usually have to be directly supervising students during time in lab
>But he was only one student and my office was right across
>#YOLO
>After several minutes he walks in my office
>”It kinda hurts to breathe”
>what chemicals did you use?
>Ammonia and bleach
>Panic mode activated
>17 year old is coughing like crazy
>close office door with him inside
>open windows to ventilate
>wasn’t strong enough to cause any long term damage to the kid
>mfw almost lost my job for being an irresponsible fuck

>>535208436
lol fake and gay

Keep going

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>>535208436

#4

>Supervising more experiments
>Helping one of the students measure the volume of a liquid
>A shriek is heard from the other side of the room
>Run over to the girl that’s screaming hysterically
>”THE CHEMICAL, IT’S ON MY HAAANDS”
>mfw she wasn’t wearing the fucking gloves and she had spilt the experiment everywhere
>Sarah, it’s carbonated water.

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>>535208436
Why would anyone think mixing bleach and ammonia is a good idea

>>535209939
The idiot literally mixed the two chemicals
because they were the first things in sight.
Why he didn't know the effects of the reaction,
I'll never know.

>>535209348
#5

>Somehow managed to become friends with a senior
>9/10 and very intelligent
>During her last year in school she went through a lot of shit and I was more or less her counselor
>oneday I was watching TV in my room and someone knocks on the door
>expect it to be my good friend the English teacher
>open the door and find anonette in tears
>mfw shirtless and in boxers
>mfw she comes in before I have a chance to say no
>I’ll have you know a student is strictly forbidden to be anywhere near here
>Let alone one of the opposite sex
>let alone one of them being half naked
>end up cheering her up, bf had dumped her
>open the door to let her out
>mfw physics teacher sees a female student leave my room whilst I’m partially naked
>had to explain the situation to her later, I think she was never really convinced

>>535209939
It's a fantastic idea. Especially for kids.

more stories about high school girls

did you ever go into their dorm to steal panties?

>>535209939
for the same reason people buy diammonium sulfate pentahydrate algaecide amd think it's ok to ignore labels and mix 4lbs of that with water and 4lbs of 73% calcium hypochlorite

you can tell who the idiots are because they fucking die

>>535210594
Nah.

>>535210618
What does this lovely darwininan mixtture do?

>>535210618
Tried and true method I guess

go on op

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Yes please continue dear sir

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>>535210359
#6

>Another anonette is a straight A student when it comes to arts
>7/10, great legs
> About 3 years ago she was forced to take a science
>Picks chemistry
>It’s obviously just not her thing
>Got Bs and Cs
>This may seem okay to you but these grades were really lowering her average
>Anyone could tell it was really frustrating her
>Her father is a big fucking deal
>It’s a boarding school so everyone’s dad is a big deal but she was a big deal even in everyone else’s standards
>Requests I privately tutor his daughter
>At first the school said no but after the sum he offered they agreed
>At the library, giving her a few chemical equations to balance out
>She gets everything wrong even after 1 hour of explaining
>Literally looks close to tears
>Starts asking me if there’s any other way to earn the grade
>Only understood what she meant when she rubbed my knee from underneath the table
>”I’ll do anything”
>She was too much of a fucking idiot to realize porn reality does not apply to ours
>Simply removed her hand from my knee
>Leaned in closer and whispered “Study harder”
>mfw she got really embarrassed and walked away
>didn't say a single word to me till she graduated
>she got a final grade of C
>mfw kinda regret it

>>535211792
show me more of that there

>>535211939
Good thread OP keep it up.

>>535211887
Can you actually give people grades they didn't earn if you wanted to / they slept with you?

Don't you get audited or something?

>>535212032
im not op ma nigga

>>535212032
Sorry used to clicking post numbers to bring up quick response, forgot to delete it.

>>535212061
1) Can't sneak a girl into my room, all the teachers live right next to me.

2) I can give grades that weren't earned. Sure a supervisor revises everything, but I could easily claim they did extra credit work. Not that I've ever done that.

>>535212389
Wow I did it again fuck me
>>535212291

>>535207610
>Headmaster

Dumbledore...????

>>535211121
it explodes, usually. If it doesn't explode, it heats up rapidly and produces a massive amount of mustard gas. either way... it isn't a thing to do, heh

basically you're introducing a powerful oxidizer to a compound that has an assload of weak hydrogen bonds. The resulting paroxysm of redox reactions releases so much energy it's analogous to a bomb, plus poisonous gas either way.

there are some really stupid people that own pools

>>535208436
>i so totally believe this isn't bullshit

>>535207954
>before he opens the door 2 minutes later
I audibly lold
good shit

>>535212485
There must be a creative way to sneak a girl into your room you're just too much of a faggot to think of one.

>>535212737
Is it really that unlikely a dim-witted teenager would mix two seemingly harmless chemicals together?

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>>535211887
#7

>Be 25
>The school is veryyy diverse. Only 15% of the student body is actually from the country.
>Two Israeli twins were walking behind me
>Jewin’ around and I was only half-heartedly hearing their bullshit
>They’re talking in Hebrew
> “I’d rape him”
>tfw I turn around and tell them I understand Hebrew
>tfw I act like a butthurt men’s right activist and say that was inappropriate and I feel violated
>both looked mortified
>1 week of detention lel

>>535213643

do you get some sort of sexual thrill out of ruining chances to have sex with these students?

dont get me wrong i mean if you know you can't and you would probably be really screwed if you did and this is your response to that i get it i would to. Except i probably wouldn't have the patience, i probably would have sex and get fired.

also how much you make i imagine a lot and even more since you started so early by the time your in your mid 30s you'll be making so much

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>>535213643
Pls continue OP, these are great stories

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Got any more stories?
Consider me entertained

>>535213643
#8

>On duty at about 9 pm in boys dorms
>One kid comes rushing at me
>Screams how there's fight that broke out and both are seriously bleeding
>Rush to the said dorm room
>I'm allowed to walk in without walking during emergencies
>mfw I walked in on a senior fucking his junior girlfirend doggy style
>realize the kid tricked me into catching these two
>We all just kind of start at each other for about 10 seconds
>Only sound heard is my hard breathing from the running
>Guy awkwardly removes his dick from inside her
>Girl scatters into the sheets
>I guess the way I was glaring at the fucking idiot made him squeak "sorry"

>Jewin' around

I like that word

>>535207610
Source of image?

>>535214634
>I'm allowed to walk in without walking during emergencies

OP confirmed for wizard.

>>535214634
ages?

>>535215003
Fuck, I meant knocking.
>>535215005
17 and 16, probably.

>>535207738
Fake, she would just have gone to the toilet without asking if she had to go so bad. At our school we don't even ask we just fucking go.

>>535214634
Before you go on
Can you let us know if you fucked any of the students?

Keep going, OP. I like this thread.

>>535215132
Walking out would have made even more of a scene.
And I have no idea where you're educated but this is a boarding school, therefore it's much stricter than your average school.

>>535215223
Will get to that story right now.

>>535209939
Because his story is fake and gay

>>535215479
Well where's the fucking sense in that, if you have to pee/bleed/shit real bad and can't hold it anymore you either do it in the classroom or toilet. And you're supposed to do it on the toilet so...

>>535215713
Let me clarify, I can guarantee you the blood had already streamed before I said no to her going to the bathroom.

Her standing up and leaving without permission would have made her embarrassment even worse. She's a fucking idiot for not just waiting till everyone left after class.

>>535214708
Agreed. I laughed hard.
I'm giving my internetz to you this day, op.

>>535216058

That acknowledgment is retarded, and so are you.

>>535207738
I went to a highschool where the teachers could not refuse to let girls go to the toilet whenever for such a reason. The same story happened to a girl in my class when I was in first year.

Before you pull the shit school card, Sir Walter Scott and Alexander Graham Bell went to my school and it's one of the oldest still going schools on the planet

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>>535215003
>>535215126

I'll contribute as well I guess:

> 22
> opening a prep school
> board or directors are funding it, but i make the decisions
> endofbackground

#1 - The Interviews
> i was interviewing all potential faculty and staff
> interviewing the men went pretty much how you would expect
> good answers and good credentials
> interviewing the women...holy shit
> some excepts

> you understand that this is a coed school
yes
> you will be ok teaching without your niqab
yes...my class will be all girls
> im sorry?
i won't teach men
> ok...thank you for your time

> you say here you have experience in politics?
yeah, i was the president of my high school debate team
> .....you mean university?
no

> "you are aware of our uniform?"
what gives you the right to dictate what i wear
> "thank you for your time today" (i had a long day...wasn't going to deal with it
WOMEN ARE KEPT DOWN BECAUSE OF MEN. YOU ARE A CHAUVINIST. I HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH...blahblahblah
> i thought i would just let her blow it off, but she kept going for 10 minutes, before i called security
> she bit our fucking security guard as he was escorting her out

> it says here you have a degree from cambridge?
yes...well no
> can you explain?
i went to cambridge, but i didn't graduate
> why would you put it on your CV?
because i went to cambridge
> and?...ok well thats fine, how long did you attend
2 months
> ...how long did you live in the uk
2 months
> why do you have a british accent?
*she gets flustered and walks out*

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>>535214634
>Last year one of the few students I like was about to graduate
>She was in my office and I was helping her write her graduation speech
>She's a 7 and had a really cool personality for someone her age
>Dw she was 17 turning 18 in a few days
>We were talking about how alike we were
>She jokingly said we'd make a great couple
>I also jokingly replied that she should call me when she graduates

Fast forward about 1 month
>Prom, was boring and all I did was drink punch and act happy for them
>They leave to post-prom (the unsupervised version of prom with alcohol)
>About two hours later while I'm back in my room she calls and says "I just graduated".
>Sounded drunk as fuck and asked if any of her friends were sober enough to drive her home
>no
>Leave campus and pick her up (was a pain in the ass but it had to be done)
>by the time we reached her house (many students actually have family in the country but just choose to stay in campus due to how far away it is) she was more or less sobered up
>"The house empty"
>lol ok??
>"I graduated."
>one thing led to another and the next morning I was in bed with her
>told her whatever the hell we just did is just a one time thing
>she agreed
>now studies abroad in paris

>>535216485
Meh, such rules don't apply here. They just go without saying.

As for me, I would have let her go if she had actually raised her fucking hand instead of interrupting. Also, only 10 minutes were left for the lesson.

>>535217147
moar interviews, these are pretty entertaining

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>>535217147

>>535216784
Why the fuck is this so funny

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>>535217418
>>535217418

>>535207610
stop posting on 4chan mr white we have to cook this shit or well be fucked
bitch

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>>535217418
continue! i enjoy reading those stories.

>>535207738
Who the fuck cares about your shitty explanation? Let people go to the bathroom you retarded cunt.

>>535218632
same

>>535218640
I'm fucking sorry for doing what I'm paid to do.

>>535218640
Like the other anon said, at my school most people ask, and if the teacher says no they go anyway.
Why the fuck should i have to be told when and when not to piss, im not a fucking dog.

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this thred is nice.
mjore stories pls

>>535207610
omg what's the name of the 2nd bitch from the left (which is standing behind that landwhale and the one in the blue socks)????

>>535219605

Pic unrelated. OP probably has no idea who these girls are.

>>535217418
Why did you choose not to escalate that one night into a serious relation?

>>535215003
HA!

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>>535219050
How about I shit on your money, huh? Would you be sorry for being paid? Fucking fascists not letting me go to the bathroom! I'll never forgive you for what you've done.

>>535219605
Think Thats from a Movie. Girls of St. Trinidad or something

do any stories involve sex?

cause honestly, this thread is boring my shit

>>535217418
>>535217418
>3 AM and I'm sound asleep
>I hear fucking shrieking from the girl's dorm direction
>It sounded like someone was dying
>The first scenario that came to mind was a fucking rapist had broken in or some shit
>Or a suicide fucking bomber
>Ran with the speed of a thousand horses towards the building
>Source of sound is the 4rth floor
>Don't even bother waiting for elevator
>I tripped twice from the marble floor since I was wearing socks
>Knee hurt like a bitch but I still fucking ran
>Practically crash into the room everyone seemed to be crowding in
>It was a kitten
>A girl had smuggled a fucking cat into the room
>The shrieking was a means of expressing their adoration towards the kitten
>I had never felt the need to hit a girl before that moment
>The only plus side to that whole fucking experience was seeing a few girls barely dressed but I do occasionally patrol there so it wasn't even new

>>535219605
From the movie st Trinians. The second movie I think this picture is from

Anyone capping all of these, they're great.

>>535220341
st trinians
you can watch it on youtube

>>535219819
She was far too young for a serious relationship.

>>535220507
I actually have quite a few that involve sex but I'm trying to distribute them equally.

>>535220760
dont bother, its the drizzling shits, ive been through it frame by frame and there is literally zero upskirt shots or anything worth wanking over.
and if you think there is a movie worth watching underneath it all, nope.

>>535215132

>At our school

underage pls go

>>535220780
You know, OP, you sound like a real bro. Chill, thoughtful, funny.

>>535217147

#2 - The Uniforms

> Hold a staff meeting
> I have decided on the uniforms, but i might as well take input (pretty much OPs pic)
> Did not expect the extreme shitstorm from the female staff
> Raging hard about the skirts
> Fuck that...im in this for the damn skirts
> arguing
> one of the teachers decides to call the board of directors
> kden
> initiate video conference
> wonder who she ended up calling...she is too new to actually know who they all are
> oh fuck me
> see what you have to understand is
> when you are gathering money for a project, sometimes you ignore who the investors are
> the craziest guy i have ever met is on the other end of the video chat
> drug cartel type
> he is just on the board for the sake of the investment
> professor starts complaining to him
> goes for about 2 minutes
> he is just getting angrier and angrier
> finally he just explodes
"what the fuck is the grape bitch talking about?!"
(she was wearing a purple sweater with purple pants)
> she is shocked
> my muscles are being shredded, trying to avoid laughing
> my whole body is going full retard
> some of the male staff give in and start losing their shit
> decided to adjourn the meeting and apologized for bothering him with this
> we kept the uniforms as they were

>>535220913
Don't mind him. Just keep posting

>>535207738
well you're a dick, OP

>>535211887
>Leaned in closer and whispered "Study harder"
This is from a image. Fake.

>>535221139
Top fucking kek

>>535220341

st. trinians :P

its some moon faced model cunt... nudes available.

>>535210359
why didn't you tap it?

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>>535221337

>>535220615
>One of the smartest kids in my class is missing for the lesson
>It wasn't like him to skip classes so I asked around where he was
>Head over to his dorm room
>he looked like absolute shit
>"what happened to your eyes?"
>his friends replaced his eye contact solution with freshly squeezed lemon juice with salt
>he fell for it

>>535216485
>Before you pull the shit school card, Sir Walter Scott and Alexander Graham Bell went to my school and it's one of the oldest still going schools on the planet
doesn't mean the rules aren't shit. not letting a student go to the bathroom in an emergency is illegal and unethical, doesn't matter how many smart dudes went to your school.
also, you're a dumb cunt.

>>535221139
lol

>>535221139
Lmao. This is why I was never invited to meetings. I never took anything seriously.

>>535220615
The not-so-latent whiff of misogyny on your boarding school stories is tiresome. You should probably talk to someone about your hangups.

>>535221337
I won't deny there might be an image out there that says "study harder" but is it really that unlikely that it came to mind when she asked what could help her get better grades?

>>535219050
that's your fucking excuse you cancerous fag?
op is a gigantic fageutte fag?

>>535221584
Call me a white knight but the girl was emotionally rekt. Wouldn't take advantage of that shit, even if she wasn't my student.

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>>535215003

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>>535221756
As the students are underage the teachers are technically their gaurdians while they're in school which means they can in fact tell them what to do, and OP did state is was a boarding school which means it's privatized and they don't have to follow the same rules because the parents sign a contract.

>>535222054
Well, I did apologize to the girl a few days after the incident. You should keep in mind that she had bled through her skirt before she had even asked to go to the bathroom. The embarrassment of the leak was inevitable.

>>535215479
I went to a boarding school, number 8 on last years Forbes List, and we went to the bathroom as we pleased.

>>535221890
Alex. Go kill yourself.

>>535221890

>2014
>taking women seriously

>>535221890
Can it, nerd

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Solid thread OP
keep going

>>535220653
>>535220341
I know that. I wanted to know the (character) name of that particular one.

>>535220760
i searched for it on youtube but there are only fake uploads like part one and then they want you to go to some website (in description) but there's no upload of the full movie or all parts.
>>535221459
>its some moon faced model cunt
>moon faced
we are not talking about the same person here

>>535212503
ya dun fucked up

>>535223863
found an apperent full upload of the second movie with subtitles

>inb4 the bitch I'm looking for is nowhere in the whole movie

also when i reverse searched it i got more results for the first movie

whatever not gonnna waste my time with it

>>535210618
Fellow pool pro detected. I got quite a kick out of it when one of my customers was filling up her chlorinator, grabbed too many trichlor tabs, and then threw the excess in the first bucket she saw that was open (cal hypo). Dumb bitch.
Another guy bought cal hypo tabs because his cyanuric acid kept building up quickly. After I repeatedly told him he needed to buy a new chlorinator and he assured me he was going to order one off the internet and float them in the meantime, later found out he blew off his hand.

Is that you Lillington?

I fucked two teachers. One in middle school, and one in high school. Best sex of my life. Will tell both stories if nobody says titsorgtfo.

>>535222474
post more stories faggot

>>535221139
I found the entire thread entertaining so far, but I really lost it here. Fucking glorious!

>>535224537
tits or gtfo

>>535217147

What region uses "CV" instead of "resume"?

(like, is this a cultural thing based on regional differences in language or is it field of work based?)

>>535224858

curriculum vitae

for fags and euros

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>>535221139
fucking hell, nice one! Made me laugh so fucking hard!

I gotta give it to you OP. Best green text stories I've read in a while. Was laughing hard.

>>535224858
is Latin you ignorant cunt.

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>>535221754
>Heading to class
>An asian student walking ahead of me is adjusting her violin into the carrier
>She was obviously just as late as I was
>She completely goes infomercial and drops the violin whilst hanging onto the fucking carrier
>Violin practically shatters on the concrete
>Witness her have an emotional breakdown as she drop her books too
>Attempt to help her pick them up
>"FUCK YOU. FUCK THIS SCHOOL. FUCK MY LIFE. FUCKING LEAVING ME ALONE."
>she was full on sobbing so it wasn't like I was going to ask her to watch her mouth
>Continued picking her books up
>"STOP IT FUCKING STOOOOOP"
>I swear it felt like this shit was in slow motion
>She picked up a fucking 800 pages math textbook and through it directly on my face
>Edge of the book met my forehead
>Saw stars and when the blurriness subsided and noticed I was bleeding
>Asian bitch didn't notice, still crying while embracing her broken violin
>most bizarre experience of my life

>>535221139
you should turn this into a tv show like the office

>>535225102
that and professionals

if you apply at a multinational or multimillion dollar corporation, government, or academic institute, and they're looking for to fill a real position of actual importance, then they ask for a CV.

If a job is asking for a resume, then they're looking for sb that is docile enough to be controlled and smart enough to push a button. E.g. hamburger flippers, assembly line workers, bakers, etc.

tldr
Employers ask for CVs when the position matters and actually require educated, experienced people. A job that asks for your resume is a job for plebeians, and will be replaced by a robot given the opportunity.

>>535225878

thank goodness you told me

now i can finally realize my dream of being elite

>>535225742
bad education, pretty good but it's about an inner city London high school

>>535224858
UK

>>535225446
can you hurry up with your stories and don't take 30 fucking minutes

>>535214921

St Trinians

>>535221139
Post moar and keep the thread alive while I shower please.

>>535220780
You were 25 and she was 18 - far too young?

>>535224537
Post pls!

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>>535225446
>It's the first day of the "holy month of ramadan"
>have a few muslims in school
>Basically they skip all meals and have their own private meal when the sun sets
>One day I'm chilling my office when an Iraqi student of mine barges in, obviously on the verge of tears
>I look at the time and ask why she isn't eating
>She tells me to go to the cafeteria and see for myself
>Head there out of curiosity.
>Guess what the main meal was?
>Ham.
>I lost it in front of all the pissed off muslims
>The chef was new and didn't seem to grasp what islam was

>>535224537
titsorgtfo

>>535227240
They might seem alright, but they've got poo brain. And it ain't going anywhere anytime soon. OP would know; he works with them everyday.

>>535227240
It's more about experience than age. The girl had yet to go to college/university. She was more or less still a kid. Besides, she was moving for university anyways.

Stories a bit more sexual to come, just keep the thread alive as I run a quick errand.

>>535227240
I just say that girls under 22 are still kids and growing.

>>535221139

#3 - Admissions

> new students are lining up like crazy
> i have the standards set damn high
> every parent thinks they can buy their way in
> "sorry, admissions are scholarship based, with special cases of significant talent in the arts"
> start scheduling interviews, with students requesting admission based on talent

holy fucking shit...parents these days

> parents bring in their son
> oh lord...
>...we had over 600 applicants, i expected it
> he is "Special"
> he is going to be singing today
> can't do this
> ask to talk to his parents alone
> they insist he sings
> kid starts singing justin beiber
pretty much sounds like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uAC-pJPVQM
> say "that is ok", to hint that he can stop
> keeps singing
> "you can stop now"
> still singing
> look at his parents
> mom grabs his hand
> kid starts singing louder
> this shit is getting annoying
> "please quiet him down"
> mom is now holding both of his arms
> he is screaming the lyrics to baby in her face
> look at the dad, "maybe we can do this another day"
> he nods and starts guiding them out
> kid is still screaming "baby" down the hall
> suddenly silence
> what
> kids fucking blasts down the hall at usain bolt speeds in the opposite direction
> damn kid is a ninja
> ended up having to send our entire staff to go find him
> we found him chilling behind the cafeteria a couple hours later
> he had eaten three whole fucking boxes of popsicles by the time found him
> parents apologize and start leading him away
> as he is leaving the kid just start spewing popsicle juice everywhere

jesus...

>>535221139

No offense but you DO sound like a chauvinistic asshole. I wouldn't work with you.

>>535227731
I work in a primary school. Ramadan is a fucking godsend. All the lairy little Muslim kids are just lying around in the playground.

>>535228591
for the good of humanity please write a book

>>535228321
it's true. im 23 and my girlfriend is 20 and she still acts like a child, even a toddler at times. Pisses me right thr fuck off. On the other hand I also know a 15 year old girl who is more mature than my girlfriend, who I can only assume is just stunted as far as maturity goes

>>535228712
As shitty as all the TITS OR GTFO comments are going to be, I'm an American female and I approve of everything OP has said/done. Lighten the fuck up.

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>>535214634
>We all just kind of start at each other for about 10 seconds
>We all just kind of start at each other
>We all just kind of start
>start

HAHAHAH that's an elementary school error. Its not even a typo.

Bullshit detected

>>535215132
False, my sister asked to be excused once, teacher says no, she throws up all over her desk

Does anybody actually believe this?

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>>535229351

>>535229557
no but its still funny. it would make good sitcom material

>>535229279
Keep in mind theres two people posting. Im not talking about the actual op of the thread.

>>535208436
doesn't that just make it turn into crystals?

>>535221337
gtfo faggot/an hero

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>>535228591

Wait, how did you get this dope job at 22 with no experience as an educator?

>>535230008
OP is legit, former boarding school kid. It is a freak show.

Other guy is BS...

>>535229279
Tits or gtfo, sry, had to...

>>535230379
It's all right. I deserve it.

>>535229279
OP here.
Keep in mind there is another contribute in the thread.

>>535230008
>>535231310
I see that, now. I'm both a nigger and a faggot.

>>535231310
Oops, contributor*

>>535231310

Are you UK or US?

moar pls!!!

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>>535217147
>Excepts

DEAR


Guys, the LEAST you could do if you're going to lie about this shit, about being important in a top class education institution, is USE THE RIGHT FUCKING WORDS.
I am 22, and I can do this shit, and I'm a middle manager at a grocery chain, so if you're supposedly the crème de la crème of the education world, then, oh my, it's no wonder the world is going to shit.

>>535231471
stop comenting and dump moar

Another thrilling story named "Ahmad, the Saudi Arabian"
>New kid named Ahmad from Saudi Arabia
>Looks like a ball
>Most entertaining Arabic accent I've ever heard
>100% sure he did not pass the admissions exam
>Parents more or less bought his acceptance
>Ahmad decides that chemistry is the class for him
>Ahmadplsno.jpg
>Ahmad waddles into class late
>Have him introduced
>Some kid jokingly asks what his hobbies are
>Ahmad answers "Maybe yes, maybe no"
>He bursts out laughing
>We're all very confused
>He supposedly passed the english proficiency test so I shrug it off
>Ask Ahmad if he can balance the equation on the boared
>I'd like to clarify I don't like putting students on the spot if I know they'll only embarrass themselves
>It was an easy equation, and well, this was advanced chemistry
>Waddles towards the board
>He scans the board with his eyes
>Smiles then winks at me
>Adds a check beside the current equation
>We were all really confused once again
>Ahmad's the type of guy that makes you question your existence.

More of Ahmad to come.

>>535231605
Neither!

>>535232920
MOAR.

>>535232852
You could at least stop saving thumbnails you fucking tard

#rekt

>>535232920
please continue, I need this

>>535232920
alpha as fuck

>>535232852
>implying teaching at even incredible schools is above a shit-tier job

>>535232920
>A week later the usually meeting takes place
>The dorms supervisor seems to be worried about Ahmad
>He says he's been giving out 100 dollar bills to everyone on his floor
>When asked why he was doing that, he replied "Makin' it rain"
>what

>Later that day Ahmad shows up to class
>Won't lie, I assumed he'd drop it by now
>Ahmad walks in like a fucking superstar
>Half the desks he passes by are pushed out of the way
>I ask how he's doing today
>"It's make nice one."
>what
>Continue with the lesson
>Ahmad isn't paying attention
>"Ahmad are you following with us?"
>"ehehe no, u are followin wit me"
>ahmadplsstop

>>535234530
Usual* can't fucking type today.

>>535228591
hahahaha
>special
I swear if I ever call my future kids "special", I will remember this thread and slap myself.

This thread is so fucking hilarious not sure if being trolled or not but lmfao.

It's for these types of threads that I brose /b/. I don't care whether they're true or not, I just pretend they are. Makes it all so much more interesting.

>>535234530
Oh Ahmad! That rascal...

Good job OP. Do you still work at this school?

>>535234530

>"Makin' it rain"

made mah day

>>535207738
what was wrong with her and why was she bleeding?

>>535234530
Ahmad is a fucking professional

>>535228712
Wtf is chauvinistic about him
>the skirts?
That's the only chauvinism I've found
He's actually been the bigger person in these stories for not taking advantage of the girls even though he's had opportunities to do it

>>535235913
Period you fucking tard.

>>535234530
Also, based on your stories, it seems like there are more girls at this school than boys. Or is it that you just talk to more girls than boys?

>>535235913
...

>>535235913
please be a troll

>>535234530
Oh god. "ehehe no, you are followin me"
I fucking lost my shit. You got felt, OP. I want to meet Ahmad.

>>535234530
>Ahmad walks in about 30 minutes late to my classroom
>Nothing pisses me off more than assholes being late for no apparent reason
>"Ahmad, why are you late?"
>He smiles and shakes my hand "No"
>what
>"What do you mean?"
>He laughs and says "yes"
>"Ahmad, go get a late slip".
>He chuckles and says "Yes, yes"
>He sits down
>I literally have no idea how to react
>Not sure if to be pissed or to laugh
>One of the student says he's messing with me
>Ahmad's face gets red and stands up, facing the polite british kid
>"NOT MESS WITH ME? K? NOT MAKE MESSIN' WIT ME"
>"Ahmad please sit down"
>"HE MAKE MESSIN WIT ME!"
>Ahmad..
>I AM LIKE THE ZA POWER
>Ahma-
>YOU KNOW WHAT BOWER MEAN?
>I actually had to dismiss the class.

>>535230983
Lolled hard

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somebody screencap this shit, these stories are golden and ahmad is a fucking pro

>>535231462
nigga pls

>>535236317
Or maybe the boys just don't do as much fucking stupid shit

>>535236594
I lol'd out loud

>>535236594
Do you have a yearbook or something? I must see Ahmad's face

>>535235614
>>535236317
I still work at the school, yes. And no, about 45% of the students are girls.

For some reason, most of my students are girls. I also have a lot of stories involving the male students, just not as entertaining as the girls.

>>535236694
This.

>>535236594
As a fellow teacher I must say these stories are worth reading. Please write more as I flunk students this late night.

>>535237098
Our eyes can hardly withstand looking directly at the sun.

How can they withstand looking at a creature as beautiful as Ahmad?

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>>535237115
more ahmad for the love god more

>>535236273
Pay attention to the thread, there are 2 different people telling stories.
Christ.

>>535236282
>>535236324
>>535236352
i am sorry i do not know very much about women

>>535237529
>>535237529

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=women

>>535237395
If the fate of my eyes is to perish whilst staring into the eyes of Ahmad
To burn their last upon the caramel skin of a Saudi Arabian stallion
Then my eyes will burn out happily as the sun does each night over Ahmad's middle-eastern homeland

>>535237712
please accept this internet

>>535237265
>>535236594

How much are you paid?
How much does it suck?
How many sections/students?
How much grading?
How much bullshit do you need to do besides teach classes?
What was the hiring process like?

DON'T WORRY! I've screencapped and waiting for more

>>535234043
Teachers at private schools usually need to be educated at top universities and can earn two to five times the national average at leadership levels even in the state system. It's hardly shit tier.

#4 - Opening Festival

> today was the day
> i had to give a speech to welcome the students
> i handed my presentation to one of the office managers
> told him to press play when i got to the podium
> it was a proper video, because fuck boring ppts
> i get to the podium and the background music starts playing
> speech is going perfectly
> talking about goals, cracking jokes, etc.
> it wasn't a long speech
> it was only about ten minutes long
> about 5 minutes in the kids start laughing a bit too hard
> i glance behind me...god fucking damn it people
> apparently the office manager got bored and started browsing for random shit on amazon
> decide to dumbledore our of this situation
"i guess that is a sign I have bored you all enough today, lets all walk to the dining hall"

> we are walking across the grounds together
> massive ass kissing from the students
> whatever
> see one of my female professors running to a utility shed across the grounds
wtf?
> talking to students but keeping one eye on where she is going
> some of the other students are starting to notice as well
> when she finally gets to the shed we have all stopped to watch
> suddenly some kids makes a mad dash out of the shed
> he runs into the buildings and disappears
> the teacher is looking into the shed and hops back suddenly
> this girl starts hobbling out ass naked with a broken leg...she had a cast all the way up to her upper thigh
> god i wish i were closer so i could see her face
> imagining the whole thing had me laughing like a damn baboon in front of my student
how did he fuck her?
did he just leave her on her ass?
what did he say when he left her?


>>535228591
sorry, i have to abandon thread guys...i have a lot more stories though. the school has been open for about 2 years now

i might post more later if anyone is interested

>>535221754
Why would you do the second eye after you did the first?

>>535238349
kid <- singular

sorry about that

>>535210189
>Why he didn't know the effects of the reaction,
>I'll never know.

Maybe the why is that he had a shitty, irresponsible science teacher...

>>535238751
>maybe the why is that
>science
You're a fucking idiot

>>535236594
>We literally have a staff meeting over Ahmad's behavior
>I defend him with every fiber of my being
>Teachers rant about ahmad
>"Ahmad called jesus a son of a pig. He bought a girl in my classroom with a cross necklace a golden necklace with "Allah" written on it"
>"Ahmad tried to bribe the cafeteria chef into not serving bacon in the morning"

>The highlight of my day began when ahmad strutted into class
>"Ahmad did you do the homework?"
>"No no, u make work, I make learn!"
>okahmad
>Keep in mind the class consists of about 12 people, so no, I'm not only bugging ahmad.
>One of the student asked a question
>ahmad began laughing
>"hehe eh, he not have like dis one" and then he pointed to his brain
>So I told ahmad to answer the question
>"ehehe" he just smiled at me and fucking winked again
>"What is the answer to the question?"
>he waddled up to the bored again
>crossed out the question
>sat down
>"like dis one"
>what

>>535238153
it pays very well, I'm teaching my hobby so it's not really working for me. The pay is very well. The hiring process was non-existant since they asked me to teach the subject. Up to this day I'm having a great time doing it, while I keep a great standard of living besides it. I'm saving though, because I don't know how llong I'm willing to do this further. I might want to start my own bussines one day... I need to do alot of work besides the hours, but I'mmore than willing to do it, since it gives me alot of satisfaction in return. My influence is growing steadily, and having a solid network is a great advantage where I teach.

>>535238692
Well I'm actually not sure.

But as someone that wears contacts, he might have thought it's supposed to burn (which contacts initially do) , and hope the next one would be normal.

>>535224858
"CV" is not another word for "résumé". A CV is many pages long, detailing, often in excruciating detail, the history of your education and experience.

>>535239319
Based Ahmad

>>535238153
Paid very well for someone my age.
It doesn't suck.
I teach two blocks, each consist of 12 students.
A lot of grading, papers to grade at least 3 times a week.
I patrol the dorms sometimes, but it usually ends up being interesting.
My dad was the previous principle, so it was breezy.

>>535239616
Shut up you yank twat thinking your corrupted monkey interpretation of my language is English.

>>535239450
As someone who kind of dislikes teaching introductory college chemistry, I'm interested in how prep school compares. So a little bit more detail would be appreciated.

>>535239940
>I teach two blocks, each consist of 12 students.
fuuuuuck, that's nice
>A lot of grading, papers to grade at least 3 times a week.
reasonable, if there's only 24
>I patrol the dorms sometimes, but it usually ends up being interesting.
do you smoke weed before making your rounds (don't need to answer this one )
>Paid very well for someone my age.
Better or worse than 40k in the Northeast US?

>>535208436

i believe it. people are stupid

(on phone, can't into greentext)
-be corporal of muhreens
-supervising weekly room clean ups
-walk into a boot ass marine's room
-see him laying on the ground, halfway out of the head (bathroom)
-is this asshole really sleeping in the middle of field day? on the fucking floor at that
-approacheth
-smell really strong chlorine
-kick this fucker
-he's not responsive
-oh shit
-drag him out of the room, slap him around a bit
-comes to
-this asshole mixed bleach and ammonia in the toilet, goes to clean it, then passes out from the fumes

pretty sure he would've died i hadn't came along when i did. never underestimate human stupidity

>>535240093
>Shut up you yank twat thinking your corrupted monkey interpretation of my language is English

This makes no sense. And I'm not American.
Try again?

>>535240538
Newly qualified state school teachers start on 40k in London.

>>535225446
Children learn to react violently to sad things like this.

It's not your fault.

>>535221890
I've been lurking so long. Don't ruin it, you twat. If anyone ever yuses the word "muh soginy", I instantly stop taking them seriously

>>535217772

CATBUUUUUUG!

Bump

More stories OP. You have the best thread on /b/ right now.

I love you.

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Thanks for the entertainment OP

>>535239319
>Ahmad began chilling in my office a lot
>Only because I forced him to, the snobs in this school can be brutal
>Ahmad comes to class late again
>I gave up on him
>"Homework?"
>"ehehe i am not home so how can do work??"
>what
>student comments on how his beanie makes him look like slim shady
>"YOU IS MAKE CALLING ME SLIMEY??"
>"Ahmad he didn't mea-
>"YOU IS NOT TEACHER IF YOU IS MAKIN HIM MAKIN FUN OF MEEEE"
>"STUBID, UR MOZER IS STUBID GURL"
>"AHMAD. SIT. DOWN."
>He actually does
>"Thank you, Ahmad"
>"You is not making welcome"
>okahmad

>Head to the lab
>Everyone has a partner
>Ahmad ends up with a qt
>he does not take this lightly
>"oooooh, u is nice one"
>Girl is polite and thanks him
>Ahmad knocks over a big beaker
>noproblem.jpg
>After he breaks the measuring cylinder I tell him to watch out
>"STOOPID SCIENCE TINGS MAKE FALLIN SO ALONE"
>what
>Girl helps him out with the measurements
>"oooooh, you smart one"
>"u kno my fazer? he makin cash money"
>"what?"
>"like...like makin' it rain"
>"Oh."
>"mmm, it's good one."

>>535240538
Would never smoke weed on the job.

40k? Holy shit, that's nothing.

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>>535242256
>like...like makin' it rain''

ahmad king of /b/ confirmed

>>535222279

this

would everybody lay off of OP and understand this? it's a private school. they set the rules, you agree to them or gtfo. private schools are seldom involved in frivolous lawsuits like public schools are because of this fact. they can hire, fire, punish, however they see fit and set whatever rules they want.

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>>535242256
>"mmm, it's good one."

TOP JEJ

>>535242256
Ahmad just operates in a entirely different plane than us mortals.

So what's the conclusion of Ahmad? Does he still go to your school? Did he even pass? Did anyone ever beat the shit out of him? Did he ever get his dick wet with any girls? Guys?

We should find Ahmad on facebook and coerce him into buying /b/.

>>535242721
All good things come to an end, my friend.

I'll post the downfall of Ahmad in a bit.

Ahmad King of /b/

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>>535242721

>>535243039
wat

>>535242419
>40k? Holy shit, that's nothing
Adjunct lyfe >.<

On the bright side, it's fun to blaze before proctoring exams. Then immerse yourself in a sea of hundreds of little paper rustles, tiny moans, and such.

>>535243195
That poster isn't the OP. It's someone else talking about their shitty school.

Getting late. Should I post a few more Ahmad stories or just conclude and discuss his current state?

>>535244023
Moooooooore!!!!

>>535242896
so can we hear this story or you gonna let us stew somemore

>>535244023
Go for a few more!

>>535244023
all of the stories plox

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>>535244023
MORE AHMA DFOR THE LOVE OF SWEET BABYH JESUS

>>535214516
Wheres his dick

Dude, OP, a 13yo could make up better stories.

>>535244023
more and hurry, compiling this shit

>>535244023
If you can only post a few more then post how he ended up.

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>>535237485
No.

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moaar!

My boarding school story

>Be 12 yr old britbong late bloomer, anxious and quiet
>Have rich parents
>Send me to boarding school filled with richfags
>Everyone really nice to me, older kids really nice to me, no idea why
>1 week in really enjoying my stay, think im really popular and am happy
>Upperclassman who was really nice to me comes into our room up to me, wakes me up quietly and says headmaster wants to see me
>Seems a bit weird since its late but okay
>On the way there with him following
>Where is this idiot going doesn't he know the headmasters office is the other way?
>Dragged into a storage locker
>tl;dr forcibly raped

I was there until I was 16, I must of sucked about 500 dicks, cum has an aqquired taste

I'm 19 now and a homo

>>535207738
You're a selfabsorbed douchebag, aye. Never seen one before.

Thanks for sharing.

>>535244023
why not both? do it for /b/, oh great teacher.
we must know everything about Ahmad.. other stories would be nice too though.