I feel as if for the longest time I've been dealing with depression, and everyone says I look sad. It really started when my ex left me two years ago for some other guy. College has turned into my life, and I feel as if I'm wasting my early 20's not really thriving and just cheating my way through Computer Science only to tell myself it'll pay off. This summer I went to a trance music festival in order to put some breath into life. It was horrible, (I should of known because fucking trance) I took acid and had a terrible experience all these dumb rave people kept laughing at me because I looked so sad and insecure, and I basically ruined a friendship because my friend and I realized during the trip we had nothing in common except weed. I don't suffer any mental disorders, but the talking in my head is more than ever. Yesterday I was at the beach with my roommates and their friends, we came across this 17 year old couple. I was drunk and just decided to be a total asshole and just call them out.
The girl was a total bitch which was why I instigated, she didn't have much to say back and just kept pushing me, so I flipped her in the sand in left. At first I was playful raging, but my roommates friend recorded the whole thing and I sounded like a complete sore loser as she smiled the whole time. Deep down I guess I hate women who are better than me. I was with my family on vacation, we were watching some judge judy divorce court bullshit, as the judge was introduced I mockingly said "wow she's really going places", my younger sister said she makes more money than you which offended me, so I said along the lines of "yeah, well I'll be making more from CS than your little music therapy major gig". She didn't react, which made me even more mad, so when she made fun of the defendant I just repeated what she said and she ran out in tears angry. I talked to her about it and she said it was all because I made fun of someone, except while yelling incredibly loud to the point my dad told her stfu. My suicidal thoughts just keep progressing, I'm trying to quit smoking weed and drinking, but nothing's working again. I need a positive mindset and thicker skin.
tldr My life feels empty, I'm too mentally unstable to trip acid and got bulled by 17 year olds.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated. I know this sounds like generic fucking advice, but actually think about it. How would YOU like to be treated? Think about it for a while.
>>17361403
And that's what I try, before that drunken incident I wouldn't fuck with people because I hate giving them a hard time, but I just gave up. Everywhere I go, I see happy successful people who are dicks. I'm sick of being a nice soft loser.
Man, you need to get some "fuck it" in your system. Not necessarily drugs, you just gotta stop giving a shit about everyone's god damn opinions and just do you bruh.
>>17361717
>>17361717
That's exactly what I'm trying to move towards, but what do I do? Get in a fist fight? Become a manwhore?
