maybe this is a thread for /fit/, but how am I supposed to be/stay physically attracted to a fat, lazy piece of shit? Or a lazy piece of shit about to become fat?
>2nd partner I drove away recently because of too much persuading him to lose some weight and get fit together
>>17359970
Then you wanna get a girl that already do exercise, go to a fucking gym.
>>17359970
I think it's perfectly fair, even a good idea. But in today's society everyone wants instant gratification so finding someone who's willing to exercise isn't ad easy as it should be.
>>17360008
They bring up the "you don't accept me as I am" card when it comes to this.
>m-m-muh real self, desu!
>>17360027
And you still like them why?
similar situation . except my gf agrees with exercise but always finds excuses to avoid or postpone it
>>17359970
Don't get with people who have obvious tendencies leading to poor willpower and not valuing their fitness, if you don't find it attractive. I'll never understand why you women have the problems you do. We're not Australopithecus wandering the Savannah anymore, your instincts can yield incorrect behavioral biases. ie, you don't need a man, nor do you need to stick with one. Use common sense to infer a person's future behavior.
I understand it'd be hard to break it off, and there's some internal conflict, but I'd never stay with a woman that I didn't find attractive. Emotionally and physically, as the two are connected.
>>17360039
>>17360062
I generally like them; their face, their personality (most of it) and their potential. Tehy´re not fat from the start, some stay mediocre, others gain weight in time, not caring about it.
Plus I don´t like to give up on people, it´s funny cause they claim they used to do sports and stuff but life happened (an injury, a job, etc) and suddenly they don´t have the time, money, etc. to afford exercising. Even when I´ve afford to pay for all of it and tried to adapt the workouts for them.
Apparently I attract this kind of people. I don´t know how to deal with them anymore, I want their best but wouldn´t it be shallow to break up with them because of this? I know you can't change people, but is there a way to sow the seed of desire & ambition inside them without openly foricng them?
You can't make people change. You need to work on yourself and this abnormal urge you have to fix, alter or 'improve' your partners. It's typically rooted in self-loathing, you need to evaluate why you want to change your partners. Are you feeling out of control? Have you been described as a control freak before?
>>17360082
I do have some self-loathing issues, to be honest.
Isn't it selfish to not care for yourself anymore when you're in a relationship? I try my best to look good most of the times, without overdoing it. I am also fit and avoid to indulge in lazy and unhealthy eating habits. Why is it such an offense to them to ask the same?
>>17360089
Do you understand that your experience and the experiences of other people are different?
I personally consider people who go for fit bloody shallow. Honestly I'm not fat, I just watch what I eat. Dating someone with no personality and not liking it. That I can understand.
>>17360093
Yes, I do. What does this have to do with trying to look reasonably good for your partner?
>>17360100
>>17360100
What you're asking for is validation of your fixation of trying to alter/'improve' another human being, but I don't think that will help you. You aren't happy with having 'driven away' another partner though, which you've recognized as the consequences of your pressuring them to change. If fitness was your sole concern, you wouldn't have entered a relationship with these people to begin with, or realized that your disappointment in them is no more than a disappointment in yourself and your misconception of people with different mindsets or interests.
What is it that you really want to understand? Your short term, self conscious gratifications or the root of your disappointments?
You mentioned you do have self esteem issues. Are they body related? Do you worry about becoming unattractive?
>>17360100
Geewizz that's a pretty shallow and selfish statement.
>>17360100
>>17359970
Yup, you should have taken this to /fit/. They would support you teaching them fatties a lesson and not preaching about how trying to suggest improvement in others is a crime to humanity
>>17360319
Against humanity*
>As someone who works out everyday, has a strict natural diet, quit sugar as much as possible, etc...
Most people can't seem to understand it's not so much just the fact of being more aesthetic that makes the person more attractive, but the act and trait of a person maintaining/taking care of themselves/loving themselves that is actually attractive
Not giving a shit or making an effort with your appearance or your health is just an all around unattractive regardless of how you actually look.
>>17360130
No body related issues nor do I have such worries.
Maybe you´re delving too deep into the psychological aspect of the problem.
I like working out, the sheer physical effort makes me feel better during and after and in time results have started showing, inevitably, leading to greater self-confidence about my body. I know how hard it can be and the discipline it requires to keep going so I value someone who, while may not be that great looking, fitness wise, they do try to take care a bit of themselves and do some exercise --now and then--. Generally enjoying physical activities, I would love to be able to do them with my partner just like we do other activities together (that they love). I think it can help make a closer bond between two.
I admit to being somewhat frustrated regarding this since fitness has become a focus in my life recently and the ones I´ve tried ´persuading´ into this have been either 1) normal body, had few attempts, eventually gave up and shifted towards an extreme attitude of mental superiority over body fitness just to spite me or 2) former sportsman, currently on a loong break because of knee injury and some medical issues that affect lung capacity, who has gained weight and admits to having a weight gaining problem (even when he doesnt eat too much or indulge in junk food), reluctant to try because of reasons and excuses.
The latter one kept in high hope and constant hold that he ´was always gonna´ in the future. So I don´t know why I´m doing more wrong than the ones that won´t budge a minor change but expect unconditional love and attraction
>>17360360
What this guy said, couldn´t have put it better.
>>17360442
I forgot to add that this was the case with sedentary life styles sleep-work-chill-repeat that, personally, I find necessary to throw in here and there some activity otherwise I wouldn´t have cmplains
