Guys: How true is the "men just want sex" thing? I've always strayed away from dating, and I'm always skeptical when men are nice to me, because I don't want be used as some guy's fucktoy
>>17335270
Depends on the dude. I personally just want to get married and have no interest in casual sex, but I understand I'm in the minority. It should be fairly easy to feel out a fuckboy, no?
>>17335270
Is this a serious fucking question? There's probably about half a billion men of dating age in the world, of course they're not ALL just looking for sex. Fucking hell, get out there and find out. Use your judgement.
>>17335282
Please try to understand my point of view. I don't know if men are interested in me because and are kind only because they want to get thier dick wet, or because they actually like me. And that causes me anxiety
>>17335322
You really need to develop a normalfag radar. 90% of normalfags wan't to bang you. Hang out in /r9k/ for a while, you'll see the difference.
>>17335322
Some people will be nice to you just to fuck you. Some people will be nice to you because they like you.
Don't fuck right away, someone who is interested in you will wait a couple of months. Try to connect on a personal level - get to know them, and let them know you. Avoid people who compliment you all the time with generic things (you're beautiful/smart/funny). No lies and no excuses. Don't tolerate bullshit like "I'm not ready to commit".
>>17335322
There's a lot of cunts in this world, you will be hurt. But you're restricting your possibilities by not giving anyone at all a chance. Weed out the dickheads, there are nice guys out there. A lot of them are damaged introverts though, caused by women
>>17335270
Mostly wrong
Of all the men I know I bet most of them would be gentle and insecure and want someone kind with them, someone to rely on, of course there are many idiots (I'd say 30-40%) with absolutely no interest in the other sex except for sex, most of them are basically misogynistic. And those are usually more lucky with girls.
>>17335342
>there are nice guys out there. A lot of them are damaged introverts though, caused by women
Shut the fuck up already.
Stop your victim complex, grow up and take responsibility for your own failures.
>>17335351
cheers for the (you)
>>17335351
That's a fucking good point.
>>17335322
As a guy, i don't understand the difference. I like you because i want to bang you.
ladies who are lurking: What are some red flags when talking to a guy, besides obvious stuff like poor hygeine etc?
>>17335375
When he's shy
>>17335336
Thanks for the advice
>>17335342
But that's the thing, idk how to weed out the cunts
>>17335369
See
Actually, recently this guy from uni invited me for coffee twice, and he was pretty cool. We were planning to hang out again and he suggests that we go to his place and implied sex. I say, "ok, but we're not going to fuck lol". And then he blocks my fucking number
Girls: What do you mean when you say you want guys "to actually like you"?
I want to bang you. This means i like you. Where do you see a difference?
>>17335390
Honestly thats pretty normal, not all men are like that, but guys like that are definitively not the exception. Basicly he has multible girls hes talking to rn, and he trys to get as much sex with as little resources as possible. You showed that you arent that easy so he backed away. Good thing is, you already know how to weed away guys like this. Know you only have to wait for a guy, how doesnt just want to fuck you. Its not that hard.
>>17335408
I'm the grill above. I have no problem with sex. To actually like me means you don't leave after a few dates. I don't wanted to be fucked and dumped
You know how sometimes you find someone in life that is just a genuinely great person? I found one of these people.
I saw them on Tindr and added them on Snapchat. I've talked to this person a couple times. I'm repeating myself here, but I think she's just great.
I don't like dating (which is why I've forced myself to use things like Tindr and Instagram in the past couple months to get myself out of my comfort zone), but if I told her I wanted to meet her just because I think she's a good person, would that be weird? Should I explicitly state that I'm not interested in dating her, and that I just want to meet her? If you can't tell, I'm mildly autistic and I get the feeling that saying this would just come off as odd and off-putting, but I do not understand why.
>>17335408
I want someone to bang me because he likes me, not viceversa.
I want someone to enjoy my personality other than my body. Someone who values me as a human being and not just as a nicely shaped cum dump.
>>17335418
Wait, isn't that the purpose of dating? To figure out if you like each other?
>>17335424
>I want someone to bang me because he likes me, not viceversa.
I still don't see the difference.
>I want someone to enjoy my personality other than my body. Someone who values me as a human being and not just as a nicely shaped cum dump.
I enjoy your personality and value you as a human being because i am attracted to you.
Video calls?
I met this girl on okcupid and we are clicking but she is skeptical to meet irl before getting to know me better virtually
She says she has a huge crush on me and has never liked someone she hasn't met before
So she wants to Skype
And for me this is a "oh fuck" because, I'm just average as it is, but I look terrible in any camera. The pics I have up on the site are the best ones I ever took and were taken at like the best angle possible
Should I just block her and move on?
>>17335439
Eh, if she has a crush on you as she says then she MAY look past what you claim is "average"ness. She obviously didn't start liking you for no reason so she's attracted to you to an extent, I doubt she's going to change much of her opinion from a mere video call.
If anything, be up front with her about whatever you're insecure about and didn't show in the pictures that she's seen.
>>17335439
No, faggot. Just put yourself together as best you can and do it. If she doesn't like you, whatever. If you bail right now, you lose without ever playing.
>>17335433
>I enjoy your personality and value you as a human being because i am attracted to you.
You can't enjoy someone without being attracted to them? Do you want to stick your dick into every one of your friends?
>>17335270
I've dated a couple girls but it never goes pass the first date. I think it's due to that nice guy hidden agenda thing. I feel anybody who would be using you would have experience enough to know being nice and agreeable doesn't work since all girls feel the way you do.
>>17335448
>Do you want to stick your dick into every one of your friends?
No, but i'm not actively looking for friends. Friends is something that happens accidentally because is interaction forced by circumstance. I'm not interested in people i'm not attracted to.
Is that what girls want? Guys to friendzone?
Girls,
Just broke up with girlfriend, we still love each other, but she felt she wasn't worthy of love. She's basically traumatized by past relationships.
Having researched into everything, and after a day of talking to her, we agreed that we wanted to remain friends, and I made it clear if we did I'd still think about going back to days of dating her every day.
But, regardless of my feelings, I told her I'm going to opt for going no contact for a few weeks, maybe a month, I'm not sure. I told her I had to choose brain over heart, because I know if I remained by her side, at least for now, I'd be too fearful of just becoming a 'friend', but not someone to consider for a relationship again. She said she'd wait for me.
Does the no-contact strategy to fix relationships work if you actually tell the person you're doing it, or did I fuck up? I've heard most people don't say anything and just wait for the person to contact them.
>>17335375
Wearing long sleeves in inappropriate weather, long nails, trying to focus the whole conversation on me, calling me cute
>>17335408
Like my personality. I'm kinda cold and I know a lot of people can't deal with that, but I realize that I have assets, so to speak, that guys appreciate.
>>17335419
Basically this >>17335426
>>17335439
No need to bitch out.
How awful is it that I become hyper with just half a glass of wine? Iam Asian F if that mattrs for biological reasons
>>17335439
start the Skype call and then livestream an hero for her, she'll never forget you brah
>>17335482
Sounds fun. Wanna chill with me and my wife? She's Korean and similar.
>>17335480
>I have assets, so to speak,
Is this an euphemism for boobs?
>>17335480
In response to
>>17335419
Good point. So should I just say I'd like to meet her because I think she's a great person, and just leave it at that? I guess so.
>>17335270
Tbh, sex for me is about her feeling good and not so much about me. Though I feel that I'm in the minority and that many of my male friends are driven by sex.
>>17335491
Just ask her to go to -insert activity- with you. It comes off as fucking autistic as shit if you tell her you think she's a 'great person'
>>17335495
Holy fucking shit, I've never seen someone feel the same way about it as I do. At least now I know I'm not the only apparent nut.
>>17335497
>It comes off as fucking autistic as shit if you tell her you think she's a 'great person'
I thought so. It's sad that it does. Honesty and directness is frowned upon in this society. Better to play games than to treat someone like a person.
>American girl from Cali traveling around Norway with college tour
>Ate at a restaurant that our teacher recommended with her and most of the people in our tour group (teacher isn't into drinking while most of the other people drank a bit of alcohol)
>Tried alcohol (i.e. beer) for the third time in my life
>Started laughing and lightly slamming my hand against the table before I finished a cup of beer
>Nobody else acted that way
How embarrassing was this? I wasnt expecting myself to react like thid to alcohol. Should I apologize?
>>17335508
It's not so much honesty, as I am dead honest when getting to know new people, rather, it seems that you're creating this idea in your head of the person, rather than seeing them as they are.
You've talked to her a few times, and you think she's a great person? Seriously? You don't know that yet. You want to get involved with her because you find her interesting. Don't make it anything more than that. Treat her as her own person.
>>17335480
I'm not going to like the personality of a girl who doesn't like me because i want to have sex with her.
>>17335375
At first sight?
Not taking care of his appearance - facial hair, inappropriate clothes, bad smell, dirty/long nails (if not job related...), etc.
Not looking at me in the eyes.
Compliments me for generic shit.
Can't keep a conversation.
Basically, social incompetence.
>>17335519
Also good point. You're correct. Thanks for replying.
>>17335502
(Guy from before) Yep, agreed.
Girls: The first time you have sex with a new potential boyfriend, would you rather that he came super fast or wasn't able to cum at all?
>>17335564
Cum super fast, to go for a second round.
>>17335270
guys like being fucktoys bu
most people i hang with wants a gf
>>17335360
There wasn't a point in there, don't samefag.
>>17335270
Why should i bother with a girl who doesn't want to fuck me?
>>17335270
100%
>>17335270
>Guys: How true is the "men just want sex" thing?
About as true as "women don't want/enjoy sex"
Is this true of some people? Sure
Is everyone/the vast majority like this? Nah.
.>>17335482
>How awful is it that I become hyper with just half a glass of wine? Iam Asian F if that mattrs for biological reasons
10x better than being an angry/hostile drunk.
Unfortunately I have a few people that are like in my life (I love my best friend... but every time she drinks too much... it just becomes incredibly frustrating to be around her because she actively looks to start arguments and is never wrong).
Women, how do you tell your fellow sisters to get out of an abusive relationship?
This is assuming one of you femanons is/was a sister of a woman who's stuck with some asshole. Or were one yourself, but sibling experience greatly matters here.
Simply put, my sis's BF is a scumbag, and I tried very hard to get her out, but she's only in deeper.
>>17335475
Bumping.
tl;dr does the no-contact strategy for recovering a relationship work if you tell the person you're actually going no-contact, rather than waiting for them to message you. Does it work if their reasons aren't because they didn't love you, but because they hate themselves?
>>17335231
Is there any kind of job a women finds most impressive in a guy? Alternatively, are there any jobs which women find off-putting?
>>17335751
Most blue collar guys are nice. Mechanic, technician, construction etc. All other work is neutral for me, except for guys who work in finance/insurance and that kind of thing who I find to be distasteful.
>>17335564
Super fast all the way
>>17335270
>>17335322
This is so easy to avoid simply by waiting to have sex.
>>17335480
>Wearing long sleeves in inappropriate weather
wait what, why
and do rolled-up sleeves count?
>>17335564
Super fast
>>17335564
Super fast.
>>17335711
You can't get her to, unfortunately. She has to figure it out herself.
>>17335751
Anything where you have a steady paycheck is good enough. And preferably you won't stink of fast food or garbage by the end of the day.
>>17335804
It's a dead tell for insecurity. Unless you're wearing a suit or something that your job requires.
>>17335821
>It's a dead tell for insecurity
Wut
>>17335828
If you have troubles letting your arms see daylight, you're insecure.
>>17335828
Not that anon, but nigger, why are you wearing long sleeves in inappropriate weather anyways?
When you're making out or just spooning around and you can feel his half boner with your leg or something, what goes through your mind?
>>17335821
>Anything where you have a steady paycheck is good enough. And preferably you won't stink of fast food or garbage by the end of the day.
Is IT at a non-profit good enough? I'm well paid for a tech.
>>17335842
Yes, absolutely.
>>17335838
"That's a penis."
>>17335231
Girl: Did realy a handsome guy means too much?...I mean it could it be a reason to somebody leaves you?
>>17335838
[horniness intensifies]
Girls: My friend took me to a Vietnamese cafe today, where the waitresses wear just lingerie. I didn't think I'd care much about it because I'm pretty desensitized to girls.
They were gorgeous and I was completely stricken. I remember what it feels like to be so attracted to someone and now I want to get back into actually talking to beautiful girls.
I've been reclusive the last two years, became pretty sick so my physical/mental health declined. I'm like a 6 or 7 now physically, probably 8 at best given the scars from my sickness.
How do I get back in the game? What can I do to present myself to ridiculously attractive people given that I'm damaged goods?
I know I probably sound shallow but the physical incentive that comes from my biological hardwiring is just the first step, but i kinda don't know how to put my best foot forward.
>>17335835
I'm not, the city i live in has 36°C everyday of the year; it's rare to see a long sleeve but i'm having trouble making the connection >>17335834 is making.
That seems so random and baseless; there are many reasons one person can be with a long sleeve shirt, jumping to insecurity makes the person who is saying that look very immature (there is a better word but it's not on my mind right now)
>>17335835
Also not the guy you're replying to, but personally i like wearing shirts with long sleeves rolled up rather than cut short sleeves. I think i only have 1 short-sleeved shirt in my closet. I don't like the way most of them look, too touristy or old-guy-ish.
But then again, my taste in clothing is pretty questionable in general. /fa/ would probably call me crazy-uncle-core.
Kind of funny how much some girls try to read into guys' clothes though. I always figured that was more of a myth. Agreed with >>17335878.
>>17335779
>>17335821
Blue collar guys tend to be more masculine types, would that be a part of it?
>>17335878
I've gotten burnt too many times to not view long sleeves in inappropriate weather as a red flag. But that being said, red flag is not the same as instant disqualification.
How do I get this girl I'm dating to orgasm?
I've made girls squirt before and gotten most to orgasm if they're into it either with my hands or dick.
This new girl is only 18 (I'm 21) and has said she'd never had an orgasm. It seems like she has a super sensitive clit because whenever I touched it or rubbed it she kept saying it was too sensitive.
I've gone down on her while rubbing her G-Spot which she seemed to like (grabbed my hair, etc). She mentioned it takes a lot for her to even get close and she hasn't even been able to orgasm on her own.
She said she's only been with 3 other people, so I'm assuming they were all trash at sex.
I really, really want to get her to orgasm so she knows what it feels like. I get off on my partner's pleasure more than anything and I feel inadequate if I can't get them off. Have any girls here experienced similiar issues? How should I go about this?
>>17335907
>I've gotten burnt too many times to not view long sleeves in inappropriate weather as a red flag.
What does that even mean?
Judging people by their clothes is a red flag, judging people by their clothes because you were burned by people wearing X is communist parade.
>>17335953
I hate this meme that it's not okay to judge people. Literally everyone judges people every day. We just usually keep that information to ourselves.
>>17335964
You judge people by their actions, not by their shirts.
>>17335907
>I've gotten burnt too many times to not view long sleeves in inappropriate weather as a red flag.
after getting burned many times, shouldn't you have found more meaningful red flags to rely on?
Women: How do you let guys know when you are interested? And what is the purpose of mixed signals?
Giruls: My friend (who is a workmate and a friend) just told me about her getting the D this weekend. I congratulated her because, hey, she got laid and thats an accomplishment in some sense. Either way she ended up telling me that it was bad, and she couldn't feel anything even though she saw and thought he had a "normal sized dick".
Is this the norm? I understand that a)women are usually poor judges of measurements just from looking and b)one womans actions do not represent all of womankind. however, is a normal sized dick really that much of a let down?
for reference lets say the average is what the fuck average actually is (thanks science) So 5.3x4.6
Cit: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/271647.php
Guys:
I'm much more wealthy than my friends, to the point where I have more than one car etc etc.
Its not like I'm filthy fucking rich but I do think I can afford more than my peers.
This is a bad thing sometimes because although I cover their meals sometimes without asking for return, or will cover their drinks sometimes beacuse its being a good sport, they will ask me for 1. Money or 2. To borrow my car (which ever one I'm not driving that day)
Now I've been screwed hard about money and lending it to who I thought were friends. And about lending my car out, I'm actually trying to sell the one they usually want to borrow. So what the fuck do I do?
>say no
How do I do it so I don't seem like an asshole?
Thanks men and women.
Hetero normative cis man here. My friends tell me to just go up to random women in public and start conversations with them. Women don't actually want this do they? I feel like I'd be being creepy if I just snuck up on some girls going shopping started talking to them.
>>17336348
Make it a permanent rule not to lend money to anyone. No exceptions.
Sell your car. It's not their property, not their decision.
>>17335231
Do men fuck even those girls they find ugly? I don't really know what to think of my appearance but wasn't popular as a teenager or even in early 20s. Now guys want to fuck me even though I am casually friendly to them. I have no experience whatsoever and wondering if they do it because I'm easy catch (which as a virgin I'm not) or they actually like me even for a day.
Would you have sex with ugly girl who is friendly with you? If she is not asking, just acting "available"
>>17336376
I personally I've only been in one serious relationship, but so long as she's not absolutely disgusting and a little enjoyable to be around I'm willing to give dating a shot
Post a selfie and we can tell you for certain what we think.
>>17336376
>>17336397
While we're at it can you answer >>17336354
>>17335375
frat boy uniform, doesn't have an opinion on things he wears, lacks any kind of style, for instance, shorts + T-shirt with random plumbing company logo + buzzcut, tracksuit or sporty clothing when not doing sports. Of course I would speak to such person as a friend but wouldn't be interested. In general, if you don't want a girl with your style then girls probably won't want you either.
Otherwise, negativity, whining about their life. If someone is seriously depressed it is a different story, but casual whining and not liking anything is just annoying. It only goes for those who are constantly negative, not realistic, positive/negative or have sarcastic humor
>>17335270
Well duh what else could they possibly care about in you.
>>17336376
It depends on the guy - some will do anyone, like quagmire on family guy. I think you shouldn't equate not being popular when you were younger with being ugly. Maybe you are growing into a more attractive person as you get older, and attraction means attention from men
>>17336354
I think that conversations should start when a person has something to say. That's why most people don't like random strangers coming to them unless they are really great at talking. But normally it is just a conversation for the sake of being social, not to express yourself. I would meet people in bars, nightclubs or ohter places where they are going with the purpose to meet someone. Or have hobbies or activities where anyway you can meet people. But when approaching in public to random women you should also think that most of them won't come with you for safety reasons and it takes time for a woman to like a man (men are rarely that pretty that girls liek them from the first moment and men's clothing is not really expressive that you could read out a bit about their personality)
>>17336376
I'd say you're not as ugly as you think you are because no, nobody really goes for ugly chicks.
Alternatively it's kinda pity out of your situation. Nobody likes to see someone nice be lonely. But I've never met anyone whose libido has outstripped their attractions.
Girls: been rejected 8 times now, never got a "yes" or whatnot and I'm 21.
Recently, I was rejected because according to the girl I seemed too feminine.
Now, I am not trying to say I look masculine, I have klinefelter's, and I do have long hair and a (large but lean) chest. I try to dress very masculine and try to be myself, generally. My hobbies seem to be all-but-dominated by women and I'm starting to wonder if she was maybe right.
So, how get more masculine? I'm on a weight loss routine, and plan on making gains soon, but I have a very prominent hourglass figure.
>>17336451
Get a haircut
For grills:
On a first date, what should happen in order for it to feel successful? What are some do's and don't's for guys?
What should I do in these scenarios?
>girlfriend wants me to change a relatively mundane lifestyle behavior (eating habits, doing things like washing clothes a certain way, etc)
>"I don't really want to"
>she ignores me or otherwise acts annoyed at me eventually I give in
>"ok I'll do it, can you help me with it (ex: go through healthy recipes together or cook together)"
>"UGH why do I need to do everything for you? You're so incompetent"
>If she decides to help after, she gloats about it and uses it to insult me later ie: "I have to show you everything, you couldn't teach life lessons to our future kids" or "You're an overgrown baby, I need to help you so much"
>otherwise it just doesn't get done that well because it's not something I really want or feel is important. I either don't feel my current behavior is that bad (or is already improving at a comfortable pace) or I don't feel it's a bad behavior at all
The worst part of it is when she DOES do something for me/help me with pretty much anything it comes back to bite me later when she gloats about it and uses it to call me lazy or incompetent or saying I put everything on her - and half the things she cites are things I legitimately can't do on my own (ex: talking to people who don't speak English, but she speaks their language and I don't)
>>17336456
>What should I do in these scenarios?
If she's actually saying shit like that, you tell her it hurts you and that if she doesn't find a way to stop shitting on your feelings then you're going to have to re-evaluate your choice of a girlfriend.
>>17336459
Here's how it goes
>What you said hurts me
>URGH I always feel like I have to watch what I say around you! You're so easy to upset
>>17336453
I'm a really, really, not-that-good-looking type of guy, but the only think I like about my face/head is my hair. It's not coming off, sorry bud. That's one sacrifice I won't make.
Just got in a relationship
How long do I have to wait until I get sex?
Ladies, I have bad skin but its gotten worse on my penis. Feels like rubber...or putty. Dermatologist is still figuring it out (been some time)..with a condom on, obviously not different, but is my oral sex life over?
Girls,
My long distance girlfriend went out with another guy for dinner and movie. Do I have the reason to be mad at her?
>American girl from Cali traveling around Norway with college tour
>Ate at a restaurant that our teacher recommended with her and most of the people in our tour group (teacher isn't into drinking while most of the other people drank a bit of alcohol)
>Tried alcohol (i.e. beer) for the third time in my life
>Started laughing and lightly slamming my hand against the table before I finished a cup of beer
>Nobody else acted that way
How embarrassing was this? I wasnt expecting myself to react like thid to alcohol. Should I apologize?
>>17336467
a year at least, then its not a fuccboi
>>17336476
I'm not a girl but seriously? That's not okay at all man.
>>17336482
If this is serious you should grow up and not worry about everything that might look funny for someone. It is like apologing because of farting in class. Nobody even remembers
>>17336476
if you haven't promised anything then it shouldnt be a probleem, if that guy is not a date but just a male person she meets, it shouldn't be a probleem, but if you have told each ohter to be monogamous, it is basically cheating
>>17336503
But I washyper not farting
>>17336517
could be worse
I get really horny when drunk, random boners and all.
I have to do my best to not hit on girls and guys when drinking. Last time I nibbled a guy's ear and despite him liking it I felt gross afterwards.
>>17336555
They are now talking about how funnit it is to see me laughing at everything
>>17335270
Men pretty much always want sex. Doesn't mean it's the only thing they want though.
I'd just get some friends with benefits if that were the case.
>>17335482
Not a big deal. Different people handle alcohol differently. As long as you don't drink to the point you're doing stupid shit I don't see a problem.
>>17336376
>Would you have sex with ugly girl who is friendly with you?
If I genuinely have no attraction to her, no. But at the same time there's nothing wrong with being average either.
Ah how I love this classic way every question girls ask get dozens of replies and every question guys ask struggles to get even.
Just like dating in general.
>>17336415
>lacks any kind of style
90% of people I see are wearing a plain Tshirt with jeans or something to that effect, what are you even looking for?
>>17336476
That's not normal. I occasionally catch a movie or hang out with a friend of mine who's a woman, but we have clear boundaries and I'm friends with her bf. Just going out with some random guy who's probably unaware of you is bullshit of a tip top level.
>>17336476
Needs more context. Like did they go out for a romantic setting, did he pay for her, is there any specific reason you're suspect? Is it just because she went out with this guy in particular?
It's not abnormal to have and go out with opposite sex friends.
For example I'd only be suspect if my boyfriend 1) had a problem with me coming along if I wanted 2) the girl or he seemed flirty with each other 3) they went to a really nice place to eat and not just something causal.
Mostly 1 and 2. 3 if there's no reason for them to and if it connects with one.
I mean you have to be really insecure in your relationship if just opposite sex friends hanging out but with nothing to add suspicion bugs you out
>>17336471
Not unless whatever you have is contagious or oozes. Though I'd wait until it's figured out. If sti's are ruled out it could be a skin infection from over/under care or an allergic reaction to something like detergent.
>>17336455
Ask about her and talk about relatable things. Don't only talk about yourself or do the opposite and say nothing about yourself.
Also don't do shit like being super picky about food. I went on a date with a guy whose diet apparently consisted of nothing but junk food and wouldn't even try my very normal flavor of gelato when I offered (this was after many other horribly awkward shit he pulled).
Also be prepared same dude came to the date that was planned that required some money (was paying for myself), and then proceeds to tell me we actually can't do any of it because he didn't bring money. All he did was shut down everything even when I told him I was starving and needed food, he wouldn't go into a restaurant even after i offered to pay just so I could eat.
It's not even like the guy wasn't interested, he apparently thought the date went well enough to try to feet me to come over to his place where he had some freezer steak we could eat. Nope.
Also the kid was probably 5'5 and 110lbs and dressed like a middle schooler which didn't help his cause given he was 20.
I don't even care about the height, but no one wants to be with someone who doesn't give a shit about anything
>>17335564
Super fast, it's hot that he can't hold it back
Girls: why do you fucking love travel so much? Every woman I've ever met LOVES travel and most have studied abroad during college. How do I deal with my gf wanting to constantly blow our savings on us traveling.
>>17336706
So they can fuck a bunch of foreign guys.
>>17336706
experiencing new things is fun and interesting
Also it's a vacation without being stuck doing the same shit you can do any other day.
I like nice quiet days and I don't always need to do new things or go out, but there's a limit to that and a limit to how much you can do in one place
how do i get into a conversation with a girl i only meet twice a week, in school. how to approach and what topic is the best.
>>17336738
Start about class relevant things, ask her what else she's taking/her major. Tell her what you're doing, and then talk about those interesting or tasty places you know about. (Show get pictures of the food if you can).
Don't forget to ask her about hobby related things, if she has a steam account, tell her to add you and you guys and l can play coop together for something. There's casual coop games that are fun which even a casual gander can do. Etc
Anther good way is to suggest a study group if you think you'll have to slide in a bit more casually. If you're confident ask her out after you've had a few conversations and she seems like she's warming up.
>>17336706
I don't know, but as a guy in his 30s with a well paid job I love this. Makes it so easy to be a sugar daddy and have a constant supply of young girls as travel companions.
Girls: are breast orgasms a myth? Or how much can you get aroused/close to climax by just having your breasts played with? Would also be interesting if you mentioned having small/mid/large breasts to see possible correlation.
>>17336706
Because it's fun. You're doing something which isn't your routine.
I love art, I love history, I love hiking, I like experiencing new things and meeting new people.
I travel at least once a month. Mostly pay for it myself, would go without my boyfriend if he didn't want to come with me.
>>17336840
I can barely feel someone playing with my tits. But then again, bigger tits are usually less sensitive, and I have D cups.
>>17336840
I've never orgasmed from having my tits played with it. Pretty sure its a myth. It is arousing, but not a great deal. I don't like having my nips sucked bitten. I have c cups.
Side note: guys seem to enjoy playing with my tits, so I usually let them longer than I really care for.
>>17336844
>bigger tits are usually less sensitive, and I have D cups
D-E reporting in. i've come close to orgasming from nipple stimulation alone but haven't tried to achieve one solely by playing with boobs.i do think it's achievable.
>>17335231
Grills: How bad did i fuck up
I went out with a girl and we ended up at her appartment, I pussied out on kissing her and then we slept together as in just sleeping in the same bed(see: Im a pussy). Either way I think it was pretty clear that I wanted to but I didn't because of the aforementioned pussiness and the fact that every other thing in my life has been going downhill and I was scared of losing her too. She gave of some pretty obvious sognals but I couldn't scrape up the courage. Either way after we parted our ways I texted her saying it ws fun and we should do it again, to which she replied we should. Still I can't shake this feeling of having fucked up to the point of her not wanting to see me again, I'm planning on calling her to set up a date again today so what do you girls think my odds are getting a chance at a third date?
>>17336848
Guys ALWAYS enjoy playing with tits.
>>17336870
Did she seem cold, distant, upset, etc?
If not, you might still be okay. Depends on what she's looking for, and how she interpreted you not making a move.
>>17336870
she might give you another chance. but if you don't go for it this time she'll move on. i'd assume you're not interested and not waste my time with you.
>>17336881
I don't think so, I mean before we went to bed we were leaning against eachother, joking around and when in bed we goofed around with pillows etc and I kinda looked her into the eyes a long time several times also stared at her lips etc. So I don't guess I seemed cold and distant.
>>17335860
sooo im guessing what you mean is you cut yourself during your depressed stage? how bad is it?
regardless you can't change it now, just make it clear that was a rough time in your life and its in the past, maybe get a tattoo to help cover it if it's not too severe
Girls: How much does lack of hair really matter? I started losing it rapidly about a year ago. Today, I finally decided to take a step forward and buzz my hair down. I'm a bit afraid that as a young guy (24 m) that I'm going to be out of options, at least for girls my age.
>>17336883
Yeah that's what I think too. I honestly don't know why I didn't go for it, I'm just really inexperienced in this kinda stuff.
>>17336858
Your pic and reply somehow gave me boner,
jesus christ, i gotta go fap soon
Anyway, question for girls.
Is giving blow job even satisfying for girl?
why do girls do it?
Don't tell me it's just "I'm okay doing it if he feels good", is it?
>>17336888
For the same reasons eating a girl out is satisfying for a guy. What's the problem with wanting your partner to feel good?
>>17336881
Oh I misread, I don't know really after we woke up we were still goofing around and laughing and stuff, we were both tired so I don't know if there was diminished interest or just being tired.
>>17336890
And that's why 69 is so great. Both give and receive pleasure at the same time.
>>17336887
>I honestly don't know why I didn't go for it
it's a leaph of faith. but it will always be scary to put yourself up for rejection. you won't die from it, even if it ends up in a worst case scenario.
>>17336886
No hair is better than shitty hair. You did the right thing.
Boyfriend is bald and I still think he's pretty cute.
I am 23.
>>17336896
Yeah that's true, I tend to overthink almost everything and things like love are extra scary in that sense.
>>17336888
let it all out anon. it's ok.
>Is giving blow job even satisfying for girl?
i fucking love it
>why do girls do it?
because it turns me on to no end to see him in pleasure. i dig everything about it. EVERYTHING, YOU HEAR ME
>>17336456
>>17336462
You've posted before and i still think you should probably find a better girlfriend.
>>17336888
Blowjobs are the sexiest thing. Gets me wetter than anything else.
I love seeing his face in pleasure. I love being able to control the pace. I love making him edge and teasing him. I love when he loses his mind and just fucks my face and comes.
It's another level of sexy. Giving oral is more satisfying than receiving it, for me.
For girls but mostly anyone really:
My gf is just absolutely lazy and just uses her depression/anxiety/nervousness as an excuse all the time. I've been trying to get her to see a doctor for medication and general checkup (I've even offered to make the appoint, drive her there and go in with her) and she still won't do it. That's just an example of course since she also isn't looking for a job at all because "anxiety" and she can't even be bothered doing small things. Even just going for a simple drive with me to a take out place is too much.
I'm going to see her and have a serious talk about it all soon. Should I just straight out leave her or give her a chance to change? This shits been going on for over a year now and my patience is pretty much gone.
>>17336918
do you want her to hold you back forever? you tried all you could. she doesn't show any signs of selfawareness or the will to change. time to move on, anon.
>>17336925
I'm also kind of afraid I can't move on. I don't have many friends since I moved and my only other friend is moving away soon too, so I'd be with nobody. Being single years ago was also pretty shitty so I'm afraid of just how bad it's going to be now.
This is too everyone. How do you feel about non-monogamy, with regards to both sex and romance?
>>17336892
The only advice you're really going to get is give it a shot. I'd say it doesn't sound like you've fucked up. It'd only ruin your chances if she took it personally, as in you're not interested in HER or not finding her sexy.
Sometimes both people can be stuck in their heads assuming they fucked it up, then they distance themselves.
If she was still laughing, and agreed when you said to meet again, you should be good. Hopefully she gets the hint that you WANT to do it again, therefore you do want to go farther.
>>17336934
It just won't work. Too much risk of developing feelings for someone else.
>>17336932
can you move back to where you know more people? you'll get your shit togethere again. might take a while but it's not impossible. you can be stronger than you think you are.
>>17336934
>How do you feel about non-monogamy, with regards to both sex and romance?
Female, 23.
I don't find it morally wrong, but I would never be able to be part of something like that.
I like committing to one person, giving them all my affection and receiving all their attentions, pleasing them physically and the feeling of being everything they want and need. I like taking care of my partner and spending my time to make his life wonderful.
>>17336944
I can't up and move back, no.
I just wish I knew where to meet people. My friend uses Tindr a lot and I've considered maybe going to that in some time but it feels weird to date that way. Usually I met girlfriends through people I knew IRL but that's not possible anymore since my lone friend is a loner too since he never really had anyone.
>>17336935
Yeah I just sent her a text asking when she has some free time and explained i didn't feel 100 % at the time because Ive got a lot of things on my head and that i reslized i might've seemed distant and want to make it up to her. Now I'm waiting for an answer and basically dying.
>>17336948
>Tindr
i wouldn't.
do you not have any coworkers that could be a bridge to new social circles? maybe just join a gym or something. i don't know. i would never move away from all my social contacts. that seems like a rather stupid move
>>17335270
I want sex. All the time. I love fucking the crap out of my GF and so does she.
That said, she's not my GF just because I want to fuck, but for a plethora of other reasons, too.
Get a bf and get laid, bitch.
>>17336376
Sure. Why not. I don't give a fuck about a girl's looks, as long as they're not disgustingly thin or fat or have some severe disability.
If they're fun to talk to and be with, I'll fuck em.
Either gender can answer this and I respect all input, this problem isn't big enough for its own thread.
>Due to a number of logistic reasons, I pack a weekend bag every Friday and travel to stay with my boyfriend at the weekend. This involves either an hour of walking or getting a bus if I'm not feeling the walk. This has gone on for around three years.
>Had the week from hell. Stopped friend committing suicide, didn't get paid at work (and nobody is willing to help me), coworkers being horrible to me and I end up getting a cold.
>Boyfriend is paranoid about getting sick because he's had a few work absences this year.
>Email him today detailing how I'm feeling health-wise so he can make an informed decision on whether I should come up.
>He responds with "Yeah come up, but I'm not kissing you or touching you or going near you."
I'm furious right now. Is this fury justified? I was fully expecting either a 'I'd rather not risk it, sorry' or a 'Come on up', NOT 'Pack all your shit up and travel to see me and I'll stay away from you the entire weekend'.
Women - What makes you decide to be absolute cunts to the new girls at work? I'm talking about easy going, friendly new girls who bend over backwards to help everyone out.
I thought the hazing would stop after 2 weeks, but apparently these bitches have no lives.
>>17337031
>These bitches
>Plural
There's your problem. It's a group activity to bring them together in what I assume is a hard working environment. It's typical high school 'our group is the cool group' bullshit.
Girls(or well-informed guys):
I want to buy sexy lingerie for my cute gf, but she has removed the tags from all her bras, and now im unsure what size to get. Is there a way to determine bra size just from the bra itself, without a tag?
>>17337065
More details:
>found one bra with a 34D tag, but its one she practically never wears, also seems a bit too large
>she claims her size is C but most of her bras dont fit at all(boob coming out at the bottom or the side, nips often showing)
>>17337065
By tags, do you mean tags from the store she bought it in or laundry tags? All bras should have a laundry tag with washing instructions on the back strap that tells you the size of the bra. If it's these tags that she's chopped off then unfortunately not.
>>17337065
This.
>>17337014
>Is this fury justified?
I don't think so. He's already compromising because he wants to see you. I don't think your reaction is rational. If this is all it takes to infuriate you it sounds like you don't want to see him. An hour of walk isn't terribly far.
>>17337065
Take one with you and compare them. Or ask her. Take one she wears frequently to make sure it's one that fits
>>17337014
No need furious, but don't visit him - you'll be pissed off all weekend.
>>17337072
Of course I want to see him, but it's going to be hard to not want a hug or some closeness or something after the week I've had.
I appreciate that he wants to see me, but I think he's being a bit entitled about it. He doesn't have to lift a finger to be in my company, I'm the one that has to pack everything and travel up to be at arm's length from him all weekend. I think in that situation it would be better to be told "Stay at home and rest hun" or something.
>>17337069
She cut off the laundry tags.
>>17337070
>>17337070
>>17337070
So if i understand this correctly,then a 36D would have the same strap length as a 35C?
>>17337014
>I'm furious right now. Is this fury justified?
See....
Before any of that... the first question that pops to mind:
Why doesn't he ever visit you? ESPECIALLY if he knows you're sick and feeling emotionally shitty and in a bad place?
If that's true, this relationship sounds kind of one sided...
But also... have you actually TOLD him everything else that's making you feel shitty? Because people can't read minds.
Right now you're obviously kind of emotional, so it's hard to make any judgements.
You may need to either work on your communication, or may need to adjust your own behavior to be more expressive and less subservient, or at the worst, may just flat out need to find a partner who's more willing to reciprocate
>>17337081
He's not acting entitled. He's not demanding anything. He made an informed decision and now it's up to you to do the same.
>>17337082
>So if i understand this correctly,then a 36D would have the same strap length as a 35C?
The bra size is made by a number, which indicates the length of the strap, and a letter, which indicates the difference between the strap and the cup.
A means 1" difference, B means 2" difference, etc.
So a 36B and a 36C would have the same strap length, but the 36C would have more room for boobs.
A 34D and a 36B have the same chest circumference, but one has larger strap and one has a smaller one.
Take your measurements, try to understand which size she might be, then bring a bra she often uses with you to confront it when you're buying a new one.
>>17335270
Say you wanna wait till marriage tobang, see their reaction
Why would this guy keep giving me 2nd chances and texting me despite me ghosting him up to 3 or 4 times, and not having seen him in about 8 months?
guys: I hooked up with someone I met on tinder wednesday night. I went to his house and we hung out for a few hours and fucked 3 or 4 times and then talked for a while until I had to leave. I really had fun and I thought he did too because we actually had a lot in common and both commented multiple times about how attractive one another was... but he hasn't texted me or tried to contact me at all since then.
does this mean he doesn't wanna see me again or doesn't like me? before we hooked up he was texting me and snapchatting me a lot.
>>17337135
Have you tried contacting him?
I think it would be weird for him to just drop you entirely if you both had a really good time and had things in common.
Doing no contact with LDR gf, or ex-gf. She contacted me after the second day because she was worried about me. I assured her not to worry even if I felt like shit.
Do I have to start the no contact all over again. Two days was already agony enough, I don't need another two days added to how long I need to wait
>>17337147
And you're doing no contact because?
>>17337149
She broke up with me. We still have feelings for each other but shit got in the way. If I stay close to her I'll be too tempted every day to want to get back together and it'll hurt her
>>17337138
no not really
I texted him a little when I got home but he never responded to my last txt
>>17337154
That's kind of weird I guess but if it was just Wednesday then it's not too long ago. I think just wait a little longer like a week and see what happens.
>>17337151
No contact all over again man. Block her number and all that shit, make it a clean break.
>>17337162
Blocking her number would be way too excessive. It'd make it seem like I want nothing to do with her at all.
We still like her, but I need her to decide between something else that got in the way, or me. But I'm not going to completely shut her out if she decides before then.
>>17337166
We still like each other*
>>17337166
In that case, the situation is stupid. There's no point in no contact then you dingus.
>>17335515
Not very and no.
>>17336934
Disgusting, but people have the right to do as they wish. Doesn't mean I have to humor the notion.
>>17336934
i feel hypocritical about it
Girls,
I have two dates scheduled with two different girls I met online. I had messaged the one a little bit ago, but she never got back, so I just thought "eh, whatever." Meanwhile, a second girl messaged me and now we're actually meeting today. The first girl messaged me back after about a week and some a fee days ago, and we're planning on meeting as well.
Basically, am I in the wrong here? I don't think that I am, but if today's date goes well, I'm not sure what to do.
How strange is it that a become hyperactive and laugh a lot with just 1/4 glass of wine?
>>17337254
not very
i used to know a girl who got like that from cola.
>>17337254
Since we're on this topic, how weird is it to get stomach pains after about half a beer?
Guy if that matters
My bf is bad at texting (not to mention sexting) and it's turning me off and changing my image of him (in the past I always really liked guys who were good at writing)
Normally I just meet or call him rather than text, but he's on a long holiday with his family now and I would like to connect with him somehow, and bc of my schedule and time difference calls are almost impossible
What to do... Did anyone have a similar experience
>>17337254
>>17335482
Why on earth did you post twice. It's not like you failed to get any answers.
>>17335270
you have to watch yourself in the mirror and build a ratio system - if you have an ugly face and a pornographic body 100% will want to fuck you while if you have a cute face and no tits & ass
only 99% will want to fuck you
>>17336415
men in general have boring fashion. Jeans and t-shirt is ok if colors match but not cargo shorts and random free t-shirt with logo every day. It just shows laziness. You would never notice a girl who dresses like that and wears no makeup
>>17337324
>You would never notice a girl who dresses like that and wears no makeup
This is where you are wrong.
Would you agree that Germany is corrupt? Germany has made it legal for a woman to have men arrested for touching her breasts or butt by saying "no", if the man is with friends they will be imprisoned for being with the man who touched her. There are no laws in Germany against women touching attractive men because it is a gynocentric law.
>>17337130
bampp
>>17337369
Corrupt isnt the word I think. But yes that's bullshit.
Girls: How upset would you be if your best friend started going out with your ex
for girls:
dresses and general look are that important?
i always read here that it's a common red flag for you, my look is "i cut my hair when they reach eyes, never comb em, standard levis pair of jeans with the same standard leather belt in 15 years, standard t-shirt in summer, standard sweatshirt in winter" i'm clean (shower at least once a day, obviously immacolate hair) and you can bet on it i can care for myself,
i'm a 6.5/7 i'd say, maybe too thin (not enough time for gym nor i want to)
i just don't care too much on what i wear. is that a problem?
>>17337432
>How upset would you be if your best friend started going out with your ex?
Very much so. I would stop talking to her.
But then I've been with my ex for 6 years and she has been my best friend for 15 years. She'd be quite a cunt if she fucked him.
>>17336467
A month is about the standard
>>17337432
This is shit like dating your sister in law.
It's not wrong but is wrong and vice versa
>>17335270
>"men just want sex"
Literally depends on the person itself, I don't just want sex, I want legit love, cuddling, hanging out, doing stuff couples do.
yeah I know it sounds really really really really really really gay, but come on man don't deny you don't want that cuddly soft shit once in a while.
Pegging on Women's Day only.
>>17337324
wrong, the problem is that basically every girl care about her aspect so a girl with an ugly t-shirt+cargo is just a junkie, but i'd probably marry a normal girl with that look
probably i'm just gay and i don't know it
This is for both genders. My girlfriend recently came out to me as bisexual. She's identified as it for a while, but she only recently found the confidence lately to tell me. It honestly brings up some insecurities with a few things, but I have no reason not to trust her with things. How do I be more supportive of her and her sexuality? It's something she says she's struggled with for a long time.
>>17337324
>>>17336415
>men in general have boring fashion. You would never notice a girl who dresses like that and wears no makeup
>>17337324
>>>17336415
>men in general have boring fashion. Jeans and t-shirt is ok if colors match but not cargo shorts and random free t-shirt with logo every day. It just shows laziness.
That's just part of the standard casual clothing that men have. Part of its casualness is because it's comfortable and quick.
And having such clothing makes most clothing universally interchangeable.
>>17337446
>dresses and general look are that important?
Yes. It takes next to zero effort to take some care of your appearance.
Buy clothes that fit you well - a decent pair of jeans or chinos, a shirt, a tshirt. Wear sweaters with a shirt. Cut your hair often (and ask for a low maintenance haircut).
It's fine to look "normal" and not put much care into it, but looking trashy is pretty meh.
Both: What does love feel like?
>>17335270
Well it depends on the guy.
There's one line of thought that says you should ask a pretty girl out before you fall in love with her so that if she says no it wont be a big loss. "Just want sex" makes it sound like they've decided against anything deeper, but that's not necessarily the case, even if they're more motivated by the physical at first.
>>17337480
>What does love feel like?
Comforting and exciting. A nice sweet spot between feeling vulnerable and feeling strong.
>>17335270
Personally, all I care about is sex because I can't make emotional attachments to others but I know a lot of guys who want a real relationship
>>17337279
>and bc of my schedule and time difference calls are almost impossible
Then texting is also going to be awkward by necessity.
And probably whatever they're doing is taking up a bunch of time/focus.
>>17337480
both to be loved and to love is a shit
if you love someone you're actually vulnerable and you know that's a problem, if you are loved you feel bad for the other cause everything you do could damage him so it's like a responsibility.
of course, if you love someone in the same way he/she loves you it's a dream... and dreams don't last
but i'm positive about love cause even if it's a shitty mechanism it's still a nice way to waste energy, there are good but boring mechanisms and i'm quite afraid of boredom.
>>17335231
Guy here, looking for guy or girl points of view.
My girlfriend wants to be more submissive in some of our bedroom play, and it's taking me a bit by surprise and shaking me up.
My girlfriend, call her K, is a very upbeat, driven, compassionate woman involved in numerous causes and I love it. We're both very feminist in our thought, and it's made our relationship stronger by allowing us both to rely on each other when issues arise no matter what our gender says we're supposed to do. We're usually very tender in our intimate lives, and her wants for me to be more aggressive and dominant are for some reason making me anxious because it feels incongruent. At the same time, I think I understand where she's coming from. She spends her time being very "on" and driven and working hard. I guess that with sex it might be nice to have someone else take the wheel. Did anyone else here feel something similar to that?
TL;DR My take-charge girlfriend wants to submit to me and I'm feeling some type of way about it. How can I make that type of way be good?
>>17337476
if there's one thing i won't change in my life is my hair, i love how they're always a mess and given i'm quite popular they're becoming a brand.
anyway, in the past months i've started thinking more about buying clothes that fits me but they're always the same kind of clothes, jeans or t-shirts, the point is i've a lot of old shitty clothes i'll probably keep wearing cause i'm not that rich to just trash'em... should i?
>>17337507
It's roleplay. Treat it as it is.
You're just acting on her fantasies to get her off. It doesn't have to be what you really feel, you're just playing a role.
It doesn't mean that she expects you to be dominant in every day life.
>>17337511
You don't need to change all your clothes in two months. Slowly start to replace your clothes with things that fit you better.
Also start buying different things, like shirts or chinos or whatever.
>>17337514
You're right. Hell, we've done roleplay before with both of us in slightly dominant or submissive roles. We're switchy. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch self-esteem wise, so I think that's interfering a bit. She's really supportive and great in everyday life. I just have to remember that as best I can. I don't get to see her as often as I used to, so I'm lonely and going stir crazy being on my own.
>It doesn't mean that she expects you to be dominant in every day life.
You're right. For some reason I keep getting stuck on that. I guess it's the worry in me that if "Dom-Anon" gets her off, what if she likes him better than "Regular-Anon" who is just her regular boyfriend?
God...I know it sounds crazy even as I type it, but that's where my mind races to. I need a job, a distraction, something.
How do I be less insecure about my relationship? My ex fucked me up mentally, and now I'm in an incredibly happy relationship, but i can't help but still be insecure
>>17336883
damn, pretty surreal actually reading this from a women's POV
>i'm giving you hints to physically engage with me, i'm not going to do shit other than that - it's all on you. i don't want to have to do anything so if you won't than you're wasting my time
>>17337525
Dom-Anon and Regular-Anon is still you.
She might get off more when you have a certain attitude, but it doesn't mean that she likes your regular attitude any less.
It feels good to have someone dominating you, in a way - you feel wanted, irresistible, adored, desired. It makes you feel taken care of. It involves very little effort.
My boyfriend is the most caring, loving and sensitive person I've ever met and at the same time, when we're in bed, sometimes he just fucks me mindlessly and I love it. I do love him when he's all adorable and writes me letters and cute post-its, I love him when he rips my clothes off and takes me. It's him. I love him.
What's going on in your life? You honestly seem to be a bit down.
To guys:
When you talk about your problems, do you feel more likely to open yourselves up emotionally to a girl or to a fellow guy? Not asking what's the general guy thing, just you yourself. Out of curiosity.
>>17337532
I'm in that boat too anon. My exes didn't do anything too insane, but their actions haunt me anyway. I'm not perfect at it, but something that works for me a lot is policing my "self-talk", that inner voice in your head that tells you things about yourself and your life. When I start spiraling into insecurity and worry, that voice is mean and out of control. If you can help head it off, it can save you from those thought patterns.
Something else I do is just talk about the good in my relationship with myself or others or my partner. Remind yourself of the good stuff that you to have together. Hell, tell me about it right here. Write it down for yourself to read when bad thoughts creep up. Talk to her on the phone on over text so you have nice conversations to look back on and take solace in. Tell her how much she means to you. Relish in the things that you do right and address and work to fix the things you don't. Your relationship past doesn't have to define you so long as you learn from it, whether you were the victim of someone's selfishness, or they were yours.
Keep talking if you want anon. Talking is a behavior and behaviors affect you. Put good in, get good out.
>>17337548
Any man who opens up emotionally to another man is a pussy.
>>17337551
My ex was awful. She manipulated me, tried to turn me against my family and friends, and refused to listen to any of my problems to the point where I tried to off myself because I hated my life.
My new SO, though, is amazing. She actually cares to listen to me and my problems, but I can't help but feel like I'm burdening her with my issues despite her telling me I'm not. It's hard for me to tell her how much I appreciate her and what she does for me. I can't help but feel insecure, though. Insecure and paranoid about a ton of things. I do something similar to what you do, anon. I give myself little pep talks in my mind to tell myself that I'm overreacting. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
>>17337548
It's not what you are looking for but it's personal experience.
I have only opened up for one person because she was the only person i have ever trusted fully. What made me open up was trust not her sex.
I have always been a closed person and the time e sorta opened up were with guys because i never really had a friendship with a girl, besides the one i told you about. When i did that i never expected them to understand my point or know how to help me.
I think i would do the same with a girl because girls are much judgemental and deceiving, so i would never know her true intentions.
>>17337544
Damn anon. That was awesome. You sound so much like her I almost worried she'd found me here! Especially since I write her letters, but not post-its. That's a good idea though...
>It feels good to have someone dominating you, in a way - you feel wanted, irresistible, adored, desired. It makes you feel taken care of. It involves very little effort.
You're really right. That's why I like submitting sometimes too. It just makes you feel like the center of someone's world. I shouldn't be doubting her character because she craves that acceptance. It's hypocritical and I know it. That's why I want to stop.
>My boyfriend is the most caring, loving and sensitive person I've ever met and at the same time, when we're in bed, sometimes he just fucks me mindlessly and I love it. I do love him when he's all adorable and writes me letters and cute post-its, I love him when he rips my clothes off and takes me.
>It's him. I love him.
He's lucky to have you! That was beautiful and it helped clear things up for me a bit. I'm her "sensitive boyfriend" too, and I think that part of my identity felt threatened by her wishes for dominance. But it's ALL me. She loves me.
As for my life, I was kind of just on a roll, and then the roll stopped. I was a beast in college. Honors classes, great achievements, lovely relationship, etc. Now that I've graduated I'm stuck at my parents' place until I find a job, and it's not going perfectly. I think that might tie into why I'm feeling down about dominance when I didn't used to. I'm not "on top" of my life right now. My girlfriend is being so supportive, but my anxiousness is twisting it into "You're not top dog anymore. At least be top dog when we're fucking, gawd!"
But it's not true! I get stir crazy and depressed when I have a lot of free time with nothing to keep my attention. Summers and Christmas breaks were rough on me...
>>17337568
actually personal experiences is exactly what I was looking for, thanks!
>>17337561
>My new SO, though, is amazing. She actually cares to listen to me and my problems, but I can't help but feel like I'm burdening her with my issues despite her telling me I'm not.
I struggle with that too. I constantly apologize for receiving support from my girlfriend, and it's really not the right way to do things. You and I give each other those pep talks, right? And when they work, it's a testament to how words have power to change belief. DON'T let your words change her belief in you for the worse! This doesn't mean to hold back from talking to her about your concerns, but it might erode the awesome sensitivity your girlfriend is giving you. One thing that keeps me from feeling like a burden is seeking out my girlfriend's support, thanking her for her help, and including in the conversation how you can develop tools that will help you support yourself.
My girlfriend gave me an awesome talk one time that made me feel so much better, and I basically said to her "That was fantastic. Thank you baby. Whenever I'm feeling this way, I'll remember that." It shows you want to improve and aren't using her as a security blanket, plus it's flattering to know you helped someone be able to help themselves.
Needing help isn't a bad thing, but needing help because you're not working on yourself is. Does that make sense?
Also, why is it hard to tell her you appreciate her? That's really important in a relationship. Don't sell yourself or her short. If she's as awesome as you say, then you must be awesome enough to have her want to be with you. Even if it doesn't feel like it, take refuge in that.
girls, should i trust more what a girl tells me and how she acts when we're together or what her friends say about her when she's not around?
>>17337548
I've found it easier to open up to guys, but that might be because most of the problems I've had are "guy" issues. However, it's more difficult to get into deep talk sessions with guys than with girls. With my guy friends, any serious talks have to be almost "drive-bys"
>"Oh man, you suck at Overwatch!"
>"Oh shut up. I don't feel good. I'm having trouble with my SO. Blah blah blah.
>Quick, to-the-point talk session before going right back to video games like nothing actually occurred.
>>17337592
I'm always apologizing too. I just feel so guilty for always opening up as much as I do to her. I'm doing everything in my power to not use her as a crutch. And I agree, everyone needs help.
It isn't hard for me to tell her how much I appreciate her, but it's hard for me to not be overbearing and smothering. I'm naturally a very affectionate person, and I like to make my SO feel happy and special through just little things to make them smile (random text messages telling her how much she means to me...etc). I'm trying to find a happy medium between giving her enough room and also letting her know what she means to me. My insecurities are a little deeper than that, and a lot of them are irrational and unwarranted. I have every reason in the world to trust her. We communicate exceptionally well with each other and we let each other know when one of us isn't feeling 100% happy with something. I just always fear that she's going to grow tired or distant from me, or find someone better.
>>17337568
>>17337575
Just to clarify, i would "open up" with girls the same way i did with guys, eg. only talk about how i feel in the most surface level possible.
Even then it would require a lot of friendship.
>>17337548
>talk about problems
>open up emotionally
i don't understand
i handle everything myself, alerting others to one's weaknesses seems foolish
What is the best way to find out if a girl has a boyfriend in casual conversation without just directly asking her?
>>17337620
check her hands for a ring. if she isnt wearing a ring, shes fair game
>>17337619
this
it never ends well
>>17337571
I am sorry you're going through this, it must be pretty hard. To me, it seems like it's more a general moment of discouragement than a problem in your relationship.
First, don't talk yourself down.
I can't talk for your girlfriend, but the main reason why I am driven and overall successful in my life is my boyfriend. He is the only person I allow myself to be vulnerable with, and he gives me the strength and reassurance I need to function at my best. You're valuable as you are, and I'm sure you bring her so much joy and comfort the way you are.
Being more submissive in bed is a fantasy most girls share, and has nothing to do with what you do in your everyday life. Healthy relationships don't have tops and bottoms.
Second, try to get your life back on track. Get out of your house and your head. Don't focus on your shortcomings and the things that aren't working in your life, and forgive yourself if sometimes you're not great. You're probably being your own worse critic and you're maybe a bit ashamed of this momentary failure. Focus on all the good qualities you have, and try to find a way to help others or improve yourself - that kind of things brings out the best of you. Try to volunteer, pick a new hobby, start going to the gym, join some sport team, start going to some class or an online course.
>>17337602
>It isn't hard for me to tell her how much I appreciate her, but it's hard for me to not be overbearing and smothering. I'm naturally a very affectionate person, and I like to make my SO feel happy and special through just little things to make them smile (random text messages telling her how much she means to me...etc). I'm trying to find a happy medium between giving her enough room and also letting her know what she means to me.
Aaah I'm pretty similar to that. I'm very affectionate. Has she said you've been smothering her? I struggle with that too. The only idea I really have is to try to condense or dial back your feelings so they're appropriate for the time? Random texts can be cute, but it's probably better to save them for cute little things rather than big declarations of love and appreciation. Then when you are saying "big things" make them more concise? I don't know, but it's good you're working on that.
>My insecurities are a little deeper than that, and a lot of them are irrational and unwarranted.
Same.
>I have every reason in the world to trust her. We communicate exceptionally well with each other and we let each other know when one of us isn't feeling 100% happy with something.
That's fantastic. If it's true, which I assume it is, she'd tell you if you're being too much on her.
>she's going to grow tired or distant from me, or find someone better.
Not if you keep up that communication and improvement of yourself. BUT at the same time, understand that she loves you for YOU right now. Being in love isn't about being with a perfect person, it's about being with one that you handle at the bad times to get back to the good times. Just make sure you're doing your part in handling yourself, and help her with her bad times too! You're partners.
>>17337655
She says she's not used to the kind of affection I offer her, and that's fine. It's not for everyone, but she says she's slowly getting used to it. I'm dialing back on a few things, so it's a lot of give and take, which is fine.
I wouldn't say we're in love, we've only been dating for a few months. However, we've been taken great strides in this relationship. We've both opened up to each other and done things outside of our comfort zone, and I really like it. Maybe it's just me being a paranoid little bitch who overreacts at the smallest shit, but I can't shake these insecurities. I'm really, really happy with her, and she says she's really, really happy as well.
>>17337645
You're right anon, thanks. I'm just in a low place, but doing certain things like the gym etc make me feel on top of the world. I just need to keep that maintenance up and things will turn around. She says she looks up to me, so I think I do bring her joy and comfort. It's a good feeling, so I didn't want to lose it.
>Healthy relationships don't have tops and bottoms.
Good to hear. I think I was just afraid of yet another thing in my life changing for the worse when that's not going to happen. I always take things like this too seriously. We had a fun weekend trying some cuffs on each other, but when my idle mind ruminates on it, you'd think she was telling me it's time to have her be my prisoner 24/7. It was sexy fun for a little while, not a life contract.
>>17337708
It's just your head overthinking stuff and bringing the negative vibe you have into something that works perfectly.
I'm sure you'll do good. You two seem to have a great relationship.
I think my boyfriend either doesn't love me/is cheating on me/both. When we first started seeing each other he said he didn't know if he wanted to be in a relationship for like the first 6 months. We were both still in unhappy relationships when we met but we only kissed before we quickly ended them, at the time he was very busy and would just leave me hanging while texting all the time. Flash forward after many times of me giving up and him trying to win me back and we are "officially" together although it's long distance, he doesn't leave me hanging any more, says he loves me every day, and is making plans with me but I still can't help but think maybe we are incompatible and it's hard for me to feel comfortable with him after feeling rejected for so long. He finally made a very sweet gesture a few months ago and sent me a birthday present via snail mail and wrote a note confessing his love, but I still don't feel secure in our relationship. When there are silences between us that would normally be fine I always feel on edge, and I feel like sometimes he is just replying to my texts in short responses because he doesn't actually care. He also doesn't seem terribly interested in having sex with me and has trouble keeping it up - although to be honest that has been consistently an issue so may be a chicken/egg thing. Am I being strung along? Is he just keeping me around until he finds someone else? Why didn't he know what he wanted from me for so long until I stopped communicating with him? Am I paranoid?
>>17335424
I have sex with my bf because its a way of expressing love but sometimes I shag him because I JUST WANT SEX NOW.
Unless you have mental blinkers on you will see in no time who is just seeing you for sex and who is seeing you because they think you're a crazy awesome weird girl who they want to know more about as they are curious
>>17336566
this is what a bunch of teens do. they are bored and have nothing else to talk about. I mean if someone else would have done something funny, you would talk about it but wouldn't have a permanent opinion based on that event. Class collectives don't have almost anything else in common besides of age so they connect over random everyday stuff that happens around them.
>>17337669
It's good you're dialing back and doing that give and take. Some people just express love differently, and meeting half way keeps you both happy and fulfilled.
>Maybe it's just me being a paranoid little bitch who overreacts at the smallest shit, but I can't shake these insecurities.
Welcome to the club, but watch the self-talk! You're not a little bitch. You're being paranoid and you can get it on track.
>I'm really, really happy with her, and she says she's really, really happy as well.
Trust that. When you're dwelling on the bad, try and dwell on that.
>>17337725
Thanks anon. We do. I'll trust that. You sound like you do too! We're four lucky people.
>>17337548
The only person I ever opened up to was a girl I dated for two years. We broke up though because she's transitioning to become a man so I'm not sure if it counts.
>>17337337
Only if she is pretty. The point is that if I take care of myself, work out, go hiking or am otherwise active and open then it is obvious that I wouldn't like someone who stays in all the time. Not because they are fat but because of inactivity and laziness. The same is with clothing, if I dress up, wear heels and style myself, I wouldn't want someone who doesn't have a personal opinion about colors and clothes he is wearing. It is bad enough that men never wear makeup, tights or leggings but that everyguy appearance is even worse. (and I don't like girls, I just would like when men had the same standards like women). It looks lazy like they don't even care because men don't have to. Secondly, visual thinking is not only female thing but a personality trait and I wouldn't want anyone who doesn't think visually because I do and I don't think in words.
On the ohter hand mainstream girls are not my taste either
>>17337884
Make up and heels doesn't mean taking care of yourself. They are tools of deception that can be used by anyone, unlike working out, eating healthy, dressing well, etc.
Just a footnote.
>>17337475
I am not blaming men but the male fashion industry. Why won't men wear leggings or hotpants that show off their assets like women do? Wy won't men wear heels, makeup and dresses that are designed for them, not some drag queen fashion? Mostly because nobody is making them but that's because it would be risky.
>>17337901
everything can be used by everyone. The point is that male faces look so plain when many women look really pretty even without makeup. Even male models look all the same after a while because they almost never use makeup
