Hey /adv/, I'm transgender and decided to go full time living and dressing as a female a month ago. Strangers read me as cis female, but my friends who knew me pre-transition still basically treat me as a guy (except for when they feign acceptance in order to not come across as a bigot). I'm not exactly sure what to do about this because on the one hand, my gender identity is somewhat important to me, but on the other hand I like a lot of other things about my friends and feel like I would be doing something anti-social if I cut ties with them.
I already posted something like this on >>>/lgbt/ btw, but they just told me to cut ties with my friends and move on. I kind of wanted to get a more normie perspective on this so that's why I'm posting this here.
>>17334705
If they really are your friends then it's just something that'll take time for them to adjust to. They don't mean it as disrespect but rather out of habit. If it's really THAT important for you and it's been awhile then maybe cutting ties is what's best for you to move on with your new life.
>>17334705
>kind of wanted to get a more normie perspective
you are mentally ill, and catering to this behavior will only reinforce your delusion. perhaps you should consider the possibility that your friends are not, in fact, bigoted and want you to get the help you need.
you will no doubt find this perspective to be offensive and/or unpleasant, but this is the reality of the situation. some people are accepting of this sort of thing, others are not.
this is new to them, and new to the world, so it takes time to adjust. outside of your referring to your preferred gender identity, what arent they doing to treat you the way you want to be treated?
>>17334705
I'd continue to call you by your male name and pronouns because that's what you are. No amount of cognitive dissonance will change that.
>>17334705
You sound young and normally I am not one to really agree with western transgenders because a lot of the time, its brought on due to something lacking or a serious personal insecurity than something normal from a cultural view i.e Thailand. At the very least it can generally be an extreme form of lack of awareness.
You use the term CiS and normie, both slang terms. First and foremost, how old are you? If you are in your twenties, why did you decide to do this and did you suffer from depression, loneliness or boredom before?
If my friend decided to be a transgender suddenly out of the blue, I would too be very surprised and depending on his previous behaviour, consider him a lost cause. Transgenderism in the west is manifested generally from a history of poor mental health. If he was a good friend, I'd talk to him and would still be friends with him but due to his refusal to conform to society, would distance myself.
If you have in any way shape or form have the mindset that "Society needs to accept ME for who I AM NATURALLY" or have a persecution mindset, your transgenderism is not normal and is something you need to address with a counsellor or, if you're young, grow up.
>>17334705
>I'm transgender
>>17334734
They use new name and pronouns maybe 50% of the time, and other name and pronouns when they forget. There's also other subtle things like when I start talking about something stereotypically male like vidya and I can tell they think I'm only interested in it because I'm "really a guy" or something like that.
I only noticed that they weren't treating me like they would a cis girl when I hung out with this band that was touring through my city and they never once called me by my old name (because they didn't know I was trans) and ascribed any "male" interests to an idiosyncrasy rather than me being a guy. One of the guys in the band even hit on me which was different than my current guy friends who basically just have the "no homo" attitude when dealing with me.
>>17334755
I'm 18 and have been unhappy with being to be a guy/wanted to be a girl since I was about 6 years old. I have no idea where these feelings came from, and actually spent many years trying to get rid of them and just be a normal guy. However, they never went away no matter how hard I tried and as time went on and puberty hit I became more and more dissatisfied with my body and after becoming very depressed and hitting social rock bottom I decided to transition because I figured I had nothing to lose. I spent over a year on hormones, got laser hair removal done, and got surgery to remove my adam's apple. I'm way happier now and I can confidently say that was the best decision I ever made.
I don't think everyone needs to accept me, I just want to find my corner of the world where I can be myself and be accpeted for who I am. That's why I would sooner consider just getting new friends rather than getting mad at them and calling them transphobic or whatever.
>>17334787
>However, they never went away no matter how hard I tried and as time went on and puberty hit I became more and more dissatisfied with my body and after becoming very depressed and hitting social rock bottom I decided to transition because I figured I had nothing to lose.
So you are young, fair enough. As for the 6 years old thing, that's peculiar. Were you abused at all by your parents or neglected in any way? Though by the sounds of it you did suffer from mental health issues which you should have considered before transitioning. Why your parents allowed you to do this is beyond me, but then again, a part of me isn't surprised.
You have entered an endless vicious cycle. You didn't feel happy with yourself or accepted. Now, by transitioning, you wont which will reinforce that feeling and isolate you further.
>I don't think everyone needs to accept me, I just want to find my corner of the world where I can be myself and be accpeted for who I am
Technically in a round about way that is a more passive version "I want to be Me for Me". You've already undergone the operation but I will say this and it is harsh: You are not special and you are not unique.
You are just like everyone else and there is nothing, not even transgenderism, which will make you stand out. Not until you go out of your way, through action and not some surgery, to make something out of yourself. Until then, you are no better, no worse nor anything special compared to anyone else.
Its a pity you took the surgery but it does sound like you had some mental issues. I can't offer a solution cause, to put it simply but less bluntly than above: I find transgenderism among you young people sad.
You lack direction, aimless and try to address your adolescent issues with extreme actions. My heart is partially with you anon but because you're 18, unless you turn 180 now and actually try to build character in yourself, you are going down a very lonely, isolated and cold road.
>>17334787
correct them with the name and pronouns, but accept that it happens. theyve known you as someone else.
my names christopher but i have to fight daily to not be called 'chris'. im not offended, i just remind.
christopher is actually my real name but for years i was called RJ. now that im entering the professional world, ive switched back to my legal name, but some friends still have trouble remembering and refer to me as RJ even around business associates.
people are used to what they are used to.
please do not assume what your friends are thinking of you in their own head. you are talking about video games., it doesnt matter what gender you are or were, you like them. i have the same issue as a faggot.
if i like say, buffy, its cuz im gay. if i like say, rugby, its cuz im comepsnating for being gay.
they are considerate enough not to out you to new people by saying 'HURR DURR HE LIKES THOSE THINGS CUZ HE STILL HAS A PEENER' so stop giving your friends a hard time.
i'm a pretty normie chick so here's my experience.
i have a ftm friend that i knew before he transitioned, and i immediately used his preferred pronouns and his new name to be polite. i still treated him like when i first met him because i didn't want him to feel like our friendship was affected because of his transition. i hope he doesn't feel that i still thought he was one of my "girl friends", because the honest truth is that i'm much more comfortable and sociable around girls than i am around guys. otherwise, if i treated him like i would with other guys, i wouldn't be talking to him much at all. i suspect your friends are the same way; perhaps think of it in a different perspective, like they are treating you like as if you are a tomboy.
also, my extremely normie/chad bf corrected me when i used the wrong pronoun for caitlyn jenner. i kind of use him as a human litmus test of how PC the normie population is going, and apparently even the sports thugs are going PC. and no, he doesn't use tumblr, reddit, or anything of that sort. he's pretty computer illiterate and thinks he's a nerd for liking batman.
that being said, there are plenty of people who will try to accept you for who you are. do what you need to do in order to feel comfortable in your own skin. if that means to ditch your friends and find girl friends to hang around, then so be it.
>>17334787
Also you should stop using transphobic, CIS and other slang terms. From my view, it pretty much highlights just how lacking you are in self awareness and maturity. I would say you are a victim of indoctrination and the shallowness of trendy culture or bad parents but you've gone so far, that's pretty much pointless. Good luck to you but I suggest you grow up fast and reconsider your choice in transgenderism.
>Hey /adv/, I'm transgender
Get help. Immediately.
>>17334812
>they are considerate enough not to out you to new people by saying 'HURR DURR HE LIKES THOSE THINGS CUZ HE STILL HAS A PEENER' so stop giving your friends a hard time.
Yeah if there's a scale from thinking "transgender is mental illness" to "trans people of one gender are more or less the same as cis people of that gender", I would say they lean more towards the latter. I find it somewhat frustrating however that they aren't all the way, but that may just take time.
>otherwise, if i treated him like i would with other guys, i wouldn't be talking to him much at all. i suspect your friends are the same way; perhaps think of it in a different perspective, like they are treating you like as if you are a tomboy.
This is definitely accurate. Most of my close guy friends haven't really had any friends that were girls, cis or trans, so I think they don't really know how to be sociable with me and just revert back to back to thinking of me as a guy. I have noticed that my female friends are a lot more inclined to thinking of me as a girl.
So should I still just hang out with them and see how things progress? It sounds like given enough time they might just start to treat me normally. I should also mention that I'm heading off to a college in another state in two months, and am considering whether it is worth the effort to invest more in these people when we likely won't be communicating much soon.
>>17334807
>>17334838
>>17334781
Did I accidentally post to /pol/ or something? lol
>>17334851
>i find it somewhat furstrating however that they arent all the way
have you considered that they never will be and never should be? what you are doing is asking people who have known you for god knows how long to judge you based on one thing. you are insisting that they stereotype you entirely based on this new found gender.
these are people who know your ins and outs your interests, your hopes and dreams, your favorite drink, your favorite pizza, your embarassing stories, your inside jokes.
you are more three dimensional then just a gender. they know you as an actual friend. but you are insisting they treat you differently, literally put on an act of what you think a woman should be stereotyped as.
and you refuse to clearly define that. outside of mixing up your names and pronouns, they seem to do nothing wrong but oyu insist that in their heads they secretly think things.
and dont get me wrong, i get it. im gay and i know no matter what i say people will either believe its because im gay, or im compensating for being gay. but unless someone explicitly states it, or at least implies it, you are simply choosing to be offended for someones private thoughts that you presume they have.
it sounds to me that 'these people' dont mean that much to you the way you refer to them. which is fine, ive been there with different friends as well. but you've made up your mind that this is the most important thing about you.
and just so you know, no, trans women will never be treated as cis women. the same way gay guys wont ever be treated as straight guys or black guys will ever be treated as white guys.
the more PC we get the more emphasis we put on these differences. even in the most accpeting of cultures where lady boys are a third gender, they are still jsut that, a third gender.
it sucks to suck but its better to find happiness in the world as it is than to yearn for a world that doesnt exist.
>>17334880
>you are more three dimensional then just a gender
I know, but my gender certainly had some importance to me. Imagine if society expected you to be a girl and look like one and thought any male characteristics you had were unnatural. You'd probably be somewhat upset too and would want to just be treated as you are now, like a normal guy.
>it sounds to me that 'these people' dont mean that much to you the way you refer to them
Maybe desu. Especially considering I'm leaving for school in two months and don't plan on telling anyone there than I'm trans, so I figure I won't have to worry too much about being treated differently.
>trans women will never be treated as cis women
I understand that there are some differences but in practice I would say there are far less than people usually think, especially if one transitioned at an early age and has had several surgeries + years of hormones. Hell, if I had been born with androgen insensitivity syndrome I would be nearly indistinguishable from a female just from the effects of hormones alone.
>>17334968
to clarify, if you had the surgery and no one can tell, sure, they will treat you as cis.
but if ur a chick with a dick walking around then no.
at its core if people know you are trans they will treat you like trans, not like cis. if you can pass for cis, sure.
that being said, you are insisting they are treating you like a normal guy, but they are just treating you the same way they always have. you refuse to tell us what they should say or do differently now that you transitioned.
what are they supposed to say or do differently? tell us.
>>17334988
>to clarify, if you had the surgery and no one can tell, sure, they will treat you as cis
Strangers can't tell and don't know because the only thing distinguishably male about me currently is my penis (which isn't noticeable with my clothes on due to the fact that I tuck it). So yes, I do pass for cis.
>but if ur a chick with a dick walking around then no
So does that mean once I get SRS I won't have to worry as much about being treated differently? Unfortunately due to recovery time I can't get it until next summer, but at least I'd know I wouldn't have to worry too much about it after that.
>what are they supposed to say or do differently? tell us.
When I see my guy friends interact with girls (even the ones in a relationship) they treat them sort of like a potential love interest if you know what I mean. Not like a bro, but like someone they could be attracted to/be intimate with. When my friends who are girls interact with girls, they treat them not as a potential love interest but rather as a friend that they can hang out with, but wouldn't ever be intimate with in the same way.
I on the other hand am treated by both basically the way they treat an extremely effeminate gay guy (maybe because that was me before lol). The guys see me as a bro but with "no homo" always attached, and the girls see me as a guy they can relate to.
>>17335073
if you truly pass, then no ones gonna assume.
you might not pass as much as you think. but if anyone can tell or see signs they will treat you like trans.
people who knew you before you were trans will treat you like you are trans.
>love interest
okay, let me get this straight. you are mad that your friends who havek nown you for years and treat you like the person they have known all this time ARENT treating you like a potential love interest?
im sorry but you are asking a lot of people who know who you are.
>>17334705
Anyway in what way do they treat you like a guy? They aren't going to be hitting on you as they know you were a guy before and most people treat their female friends the same way they treat their male friends (unless they want to fuck them)
>>17335105
nope. OP is insisting that they treat all females like potential love itnerests, even the guys that are taken, and that hes the exception and its not fair.
even though they have years and years of knowing him as a dude.
>>17335096
>im sorry but you are asking a lot of people who know who you are
Well yeah which is why I'm just thinking of getting new friends who preferably don't know I'm trans and just won't get involved with anyone until I have SRS. Since I'm heading off to school in another state soon I don't imagine that will be very difficult.
>>17335105
See >>17335073
>ditching your friends that easily
What's is wrong with young people?
>>17335152
Social media makes it easy to make new friends.
>>17335138
>I'm just thinking of getting new friends who preferably don't know I'm trans
See, but it's dishonest, isn't it? I don't want to be close friend with a transgender person, and I would like to know that you are trans so I can be able to make a choice whether I want stick with you or not. True friendship, like any relationship, shouldn't be based on a lie or a deception; it's unfair to sides. And you might come across people who are not comfortable being friends with a transgender.
>>17335157
Those aren't your friends. What happened to life long friendships? Fuck this generation.
>>17335073
But what do you expect dude? Guys (or the majority of them) won't treat you like a girl because in their eyes you are not one. To many guys the idea of a girl who was once a boy is repulsive, weird and uncomfortable. Treating you like a bro is still a decent thing to do.
When it comes to girls, well, unless they bite into tumblr propaganda and are proud sjw, they also won't see you as a one of them, because you don't experience period, won't ever carry and birth a child, ect, ect. To some of then you are not a real girl either, thus they see as a gay friend in a dress.
>>17335152
I'll probably be making new friends in college anyway, and I'm figuring it will be easier to interact with them without having to worry about trans baggage.
>>17335160
I'd rather be dishonest and treated like a cis girl than honest and treated like "the tranny". I understand you might be uncomfortable with that but I hope you can see how it would be beneficial from my perspective.
>>17335183
>But what do you expect dude?
I'm not surprised at all by the way they're treating me, which is why I feel it would be easier to simply get new friends rather than trying to change the way they think about me. Also saying something like "Why don't you treat me as a potential love interest/stop seeing me as a gay friend in a dress?" seems a little silly and narcissistic imo.
>When it comes to girls, well, unless they bite into tumblr propaganda and are proud sjw
I hate PC culture and despise hanging around people like that. In my experience, they actually treat me more like an "other" in their efforts to use trans people as a political token.
You don't have a right to expect other people to go along with it. They could:
>Think it's just a phase
>Just plain not see you as a girl
>Don't believe in transgenderism but feign acceptance for your sake
You don't have the right to ask them to think of you as a girl.
>>17335138
Or just accept that these people are actually FRIENDS because they have no interest in you sexually.
They are never going to be interested in you sexually (well never say never but unlikely) as they knew you were a dude. You should be happy that they still want to talk to you. They are clearly still fine being FRIENDS.
You're a fucking retard. No wonder you changed sex.
>>17335201
>I'd rather be dishonest and treated like a cis girl than honest and treated like "the tranny".
You are not a cis girl though, and this dishonesty might backfire anyway. It surprises me you don't want to be open with your potential new friends about who you are; after all, if they have something against transgender people, would you really want them to stick with you? Also saying that you want to lie or deceipt people who are supposed to be close to you because it might benefit them, not taking their feelings into account - that's very shitty approach to friendship. Why not be open and find a supportive, understanding friend?
>>17335230
and if you think guys treat all girls the same then bring along a really fucking ugly, fat, socially retarded actual female friend that they will have no interest in and you'll see that's not the case first hand.
>>17335201
>I'd rather be dishonest and treated like a cis girl than honest and treated like "the tranny".
But here's the thing, you are 'the tranny'. Anyone who knows of it is going to think of you as 'the tranny'. If they don't know of it, you're lying to them. Have sex with someone who doesn't know? That's rape. Date someone who doesn't know? That's fucking awful.
You gotta accept that 95+% of people aren't going to see you as a girl once they know. Many will say they do but I bet they sure as hell wouldn't date you.
You should get new friends. You clearly dont deserve the ones you have. Just move on to college and find some tumblrina-ciclejerking female faggot friends to hang with,
>>17335240
>>17335236
Well, sorry but personally I think my shot at having a life like a cis girl is more important than the feelings of people like you. I can see why most people on /lgbt/ cut ties and go stealth.
>>17335280
>having a life as a cis girl
>while being a man
It's not something you can achieve, you clueless nigger. If you think you are a cis girl, you need a reality check.
>>17335280
I'll go ahead and disagree with most posters and say that in your day to day life it really wont matter if people know you are trans or not. just like not everyone needs to know if someone is gay or not.
But also your identity as a transgender person is a part of you whether you want to acknowledge it or not. It is a fundamental part of you and I think that over time you will realize that it is not necessarily something that you are willing to completely abandon. You will find people that you are willing to share it with and who are willing to accept you regardless.
In terms of romantic relationships, be upfront about that. I know personally I would feel massively betrayed if I was in a relationship with someone who was born a man and they didn't tell me.
>>17335310
>You will find people that you are willing to share it with and who are willing to accept you regardless.
I can see myself maybe telling a handful of people in the future, but I think it would benefit me overall if I kept it fairly confidential. I do however have this feeling that if people know me first as a girl they're more likely to see me that way even if they find out I'm trans later on.
>In terms of romantic relationships, be upfront about that
Yeah I can see myself doing this too. I could hardly be truly emotionally intimate with someone while lying about the first 18 years of my life.
>>17335335
Sounds like you have it figured out. In terms of your friends, it's hard to accept someone changing so completely. I've lost friends simply because we slightly diverged in what we thought was important or I went to college and they went and got a career and our values were different. They might not be doing it out of spite, but you'll meet new people in college and they really wont matter to as much in a few years anyways. Good luck with college life and good luck with life as a woman, hope shit works out for you
>>17335347
Thanks, it sucks but I really think I should just move on. You're right in saying that there probably are at least some people out there who will accept me regardless.
>>17335138
you have become obsessed and defined by your transgenderism. you are so egotistical that your friends are no longer worth being your friends because they will not hit on you.
think about that.
>>17335201
>saying something like 'why dont you treat me as a potential love interest is a bit narrcisistic and silly imo
it is. but you are acting like its worth losing friends over.
you expect them to be into you just cuz you are dressing as a girl. do you have feelings for any of them in particular? then make it known. but you are essentially mad at your friends for not treating you like a dumb slut. even though you clearly are one.
you are mad that they dont treat you any different.
You should be lucky to have friends that actually accept you and haven't cast you out
I am not been funny but becoming a woman isn't normal even in todays society and /lgbt/ telling you to cut ties with people that obviously like you and accept you is fucking ludicrous.
trannies are disgusting
>>17334733
This
>>17334874
Reality isn't /pol/, friend. You jumped the gun and that will come back to bite you, trust me I've heard it all before.
Being unhappy with yourself isn't a mental disorder, it's life. Part of life isn't taking shortcuts, it's growing though experiences.
Your friends are kind and they love you. Work with them and they'll do the same with you.
You could like, not worry about petty bullshit such as your gender, man. Or wo-man. Who even cares. We are just vessels. We are born, we breed or assist in breeding, and then we fade into nothing. We are but dust in the wind, my friend.
>>17336301
allright, friend
>>17334874
The silent majority hate the acceptance trans people have gotten over people who've actually accomplished things. The silent majority hate being told they're idiots and talked down to.
We're sick of you and we're not /pol/tards. We're just people trying to make a living.
>>17334705
You will never look or sound like a convincing enough woman for people to immediately mentally register you as female. People will treat you as a third gender because they don't want to offend you by calling you a male and they don't feel comfortable calling you somethings you visually and genetically are not by wanting to be called female.
That's just the reality of things. Not saying this to be an asshole, get therapy. Gender dysphoria is a real problem.
>>17334874
don't let the "lol it's 4chan" fool you, dear, people actually think like this
you only hear it on /pol/ and 4chan because it's annonymus and people don't want drama with mentally unstable fagtrons like yourself on their daily lives
here you are getting unbiased opinions without filter
get absolutely fucked
most people here calling your state a mental disorder are actually advocating against your inevitable suicide at age 30 when you grow out of your meme ego trip mental breakdown
