How do you find happiness without having a relationship?
I'm not a happy person, and people keep telling me to get a girlfriend. But I don't want one. What do I do to find happiness?
>>17334604
Its a common misconception from onlookers to say that finding a girlfriend is a means to happiness. That is true but not the full truth.
There are two recipes for happiness: being happy with yourself and finding happiness with another.
You need the first before you can move on to the second. Look at yourself, reflect why you feel unhappy and what steps you can take to make yourself that bit more positive.
>>17334631
Just sitting here thinking about it. I'm not happy with my job, which is something in trying to work on, but it may takes years if I can ever get a job I actually want. Honestly, work is the biggest thing for me. I want a career I care about. Nothing else matters to me. Work is the most important thing in my mind. Even tho I have a good paying job. I don't enjoy it, so I'm trying to find something better. But it's incredibly difficult and stressful. I don't know if this will ever happen..
>>17334604
Life will always suck, but you might be able to distract yourself for a moment. Just read some nice books, listen to music or daydream about how nice it could be to be in a perfect relationship without having to go though all that trouble for real and end up beeing disappointed.
Also other things people do to distract themselves from the shitty reality: religion, drugs, porn
>>17334682
thanks for quietly telling me that my life is going to suck..
and, I don't care about porn or religion. And I can't do drugs.
>>17334646
Sounds tough. I think you should consider engaging in a night course or part time study. The only real way to go to a career you care about is getting a qualification and putting yourself out there. I am not sure which country you're residing in, but if its the US it may be more difficult due to their insane university/college prices.
Its a tough situation anon, I feel for you, but things will be ok, don't worry.
>>17334697
I hope you didn't misunderstand - Everyones life sucks, not only yours, but some people are better at distracting themselves from it. I'm not and i'll prolly end up killing myself sooner or later.
>>17334701
It's very frustrating. im 25 years old, and I have money, which isn't a issue. It's that I'm not smart, and the job market is so fucking competitive. I can't pass university. I'll never get a degree because I am not smart. I am not meant to go to university. I tried it before, and my own mother was very surprised that I was even going to attempt it. Because even she knows university is not a good fit for me. But all the jobs I want require degrees. And on top of that, they are competitive. So EVEN if I had a degree. It would still be very hard because of competition. It fucking stresses me out so much. I don't have any other reason to be alive. So I try to put my energy look for jobs that I can gain experience in for later purposes. But it's so fucking hard.
What else do I have to live for.. Nothing
>>17334707
Maybe I should too.. :/
>>17334717
Sorry to hear that anon. Its pretty rough to make that assumption so soon. You haven't been encouraged and maybe that course just wasn't for you. Your mindset is pretty hard mind, everything is competitive, that's normal. But it doesn't mean its near impossible or highly improbable, it simply means it takes both time and effort. Same with Uni and the job market both.
If you won't consider going back to uni, the only other advice I can give is find a hobby. Since you're on here, I can only assume you also are heavily invested in anime or video games. While the former isn't quite as bad as the latter (though the former is far more harmless if its just watching for funzies), I would suggest you do two things.
1 - If you are into video games, ween yourself off them.
2- Find a new hobby.
The last is, though heavily contested, is to cut down on fapping. It actually does help your mindset when you stop over a period of weeks and will hopefully encourage you to go out more and engage in new hobbies. Good luck man.
>>17334720
Since you haven't killed yourself already there are probably some reasons for you to live. Are you afraid of death or do you have friends or family that would feel bad if they lost you?
I'm probably waiting to kill myself until my mom dies, because she would probably feel horrible (for whatever reason) - if i can make it that long.
Maybe talking to a psychotherapist could help you. I don't really believe how talking or even pills can change anything and it didn't help me, but there are probably a lot of people who get help by this and feel less shitty or something.
>>17334729
>I can only assume you also are heavily invested in anime or video games.
I'm not into either. I don't really have any hobbies. I like traveling a lot. But I can very rarely travel because I don't get many days off. Which is another problem because I've tried to find jobs that give more time off, but the pay is drastically lower than what I make now, and I can't do that. Then my other hobby is shooting. But fucking idiots in this country are about to elect President Clinton.. And she wants to ban my fucking hobby which really depresses me. I don't have many other interests. when I am not doing those 2 things. I just work. And occasionally go to the gym and watch TV.
>>17334742
There are a few friends who would be upset. My female friend would be especially upset, and I don't wish that on her.
That's the only reason I haven't shot myself in the head with my handgun that's sitting on my desk
>>17334604
girlfriends dont maek you happy. they make you distracted. if your life isn't already enriched they tend to just lead to two people being bored together.
i tend to break my life down into the following categories as far as happiness
>job
>'hobbies'
>friends
>spirituality
thats about it. i have to enjoy my job, otherwise thats five days out of the week im not being as happy as i could be. thankfully i love my job and thought it has its stresses, it is fulfilling.
i put 'hobbies' in quotes becuase i think of my hobbies as a bit more than hobbies. i am (or rather, was) a very dedicated filmmaker until suffering from brain damage earlier this year. i now find it very hard to do the writing aspect of filmmaking so am struggling to regain control of my happiness in this sense.
friends are obviously important. no matter how independent or self reliant you are, you need to socialize. due to earlier mentioned brain damage im kind of exploring new friendships. im happy a lot of the time, but not always. there is a special spark that is often missing. but i wasnt getting it from my old friends especially hwen the brain damage came about, so i believe im on the right track moving forward.
spirituality i dont mean in the literal sense, but rather philosophically. its more than just your mental health, its how you feel you are developing, and this is perhaps where i am most happy with myself. its been quite a few journeys this year (not to harp on the brain damage) but ive come out the other end more aware of myself and like to think its helped me grow as a person. I find that spirituality is the easiest way to feel fullfilled cuz after everything happens i simply ask myself 'what have i learned? am i growing? will this help me?
>>17334750
There just isn't really anything I want out of life..
I can relate to this.
My life is satisfying in almost every aspect, I have lots of friends who enjoy being around me, most people respect me and think I'm smart, good at school and hobbies. Just I can't seem to find a girlfriend (never had one) and this is preventng me from being happy.
It feels even worse sometimes because I know if I could fix this my life would be almost perfect
>>17334757
i think you're wrong. i think you're comfortable with the conveniences of instant gratification and are refusing to actually explore life.
you remind me of a thread where a guy said
>whats there to even do?
and i copy pated a list of over 500 activities across several posts.
i doubt he even read them all. all he said was
>none of those sound interesting.
there comes a point where you have to realize that you have been numbed. you have heard of many many things but havent bothered trying them.
if you want to get anything out of life you have to actually take part in it.
go play dodgeball, join a book club, volunteer. make a list of all the things that sounds better than anything else and just do it.
but if ur response is
'nah' for any reason, why bother making a thread to begin with?
>>17334762
>preventing me from being happy
this is probably where half your problems stem from. dont get me wrong, dating is great, girls are great, its all great. but if you cant enjoy your life due to a lack of an imaginary person, someone you dont actually know, then you need to reexamine your life, or at least how you relate to it.
a girlfriend is only thought of in broad strokes. you imagine a pretty face, someone to hold, comforting little physical moments. but what you dont think about is that they are actually a person. you arent creating a real human in your mind. you are simply yearning for small physical experiences as opposed to what dating actually is: a real human connection.
you have created essentially no standards by saying you just want a 'girlfriend' as if they are toasters, but also create an impossible standard by creating these imaginary feelings for a girl who doesnt exist, and who lacks any human quality to her.
its like falling in love with a background character in anime who has no lines. or someone you only see in a photo. you have zero reference for them as a person, and instead are fixating on an object you cant have and no one can live up to.
>>17334747
Well you seem nice for caring about your friends. I've broken the contact to everyone i know, because it was just so exhausting. If i had a gun, i'd probably shot myself already, but unfortunately i live in yurop, where only the bad people can get guns. So i'll probably try the helium exit bag solution, which will hopefully work just as well.
>>17334765
Because, why go do things if you have no interest in them? I don't know you, or if you are a guy or girl. But if you are a guy, and someone asked if you wanted to go to a ballet, likely you'd say no because that's not something guys like. Yeah it's a activity and a suggestion. But why go do something if it doesn't spark a interest in your mind?
>>17334772
Not him but that just makes me sad. When I am down, I escape into my mind and imagine I am somewhere else, with my girlfriend and loving one another, snuggling, chatting and just caring for one another. She loves me for who I am and I can be so comfortable and the same case for her.
Your post just makes me realize how lonely I am.
>>17334788
becuase what that original person was suggesting was that over 500 activities in the world do not interest him. that he wouldnt bother with anything.
when you are making a thread asking for how to be happy, and you know you have to find things you like to be happy you cant just say
'NAH NOTHING IN THE WORLD INTERESTS ME'
why bother making the thread?
i wont try ballet cuz that doesnt interest me. anime meetups, dodgeball, 1920s swing parties, and nudist beaches DO interest me.
but if you can sit down and say that NOTHING interests you, than you need to accept that you have gorwn numb from instant gratification and try new things.
>>17334792
is ur girlfriend real?
>>17334816
Well, there are things that interest me. But one of those interests is about to be taken away from me. another one I can only do once a year, and the others you must have special qualifications to do..
>>17334820
explain them.
>>17334816
No, of course not. I'm single and in a job which, granted I like, but doesn't help the loneliness. I have considered getting into art so I can write a story on my daily fantasies about it. Nothing explicit in my head oddly enough.
>>17334822
yeah thats a problem mate.
the native americans had a spirit totem for the bobcat. those born under the bobcat were meant to (Try and) learn how to 'be alone without being lonely'.
this isn't to say that those born under the bobcat were destined to be hermits and never talk to people. it just meant they were dealt a lonelier hand in life. At worse it simply meant being able to enjoy the time you spend alone without yearning for someone every time.
i highly recommend art. man isnt meant to just consume, we are meant to be create.
i however dont recommend focusing on something that is purely romantic. While the presence of romance in just about every movie, TV show, short story, etc. etc. makes it seem like getting the girl is the end all be all, people dont understand why its the subplot.
Romance movies are actual not very popular and become less popular as time goes on. The reason romance is a subplot in every movie is the same reason that friendship is a subplot in every movie.
We are meant to enjoy these things no matter where we go and what we do in life, when they happen to cross our path. but they are not meant to define us, our stories, or be the climax to our lives.
>>17334831
I understand but this isn't just getting with the girl, its just me spending quality time with the imaginary girl of my dreams. We run, we talk, we go to the cinema, we walk, we snuggle and cuddle. Even argue here and there. Stuff like that. It's not just "Wooh, I met the girl, The end". Its me living my life with a woman I love and who loves me too. It makes me feel happy.
Reading back that sounds pretty bad. I'll try to get into that, I'm feeling pretty down for the last two weeks. Thanks for replying to me anon, means a lot.
>>17334821
1. I like shooting guns. It's a good way for me to relieve stress, and I've invested a lot of money into them. But idiots in my country are about to elect a president who hates guns. And wants to ban most of the type of guns I have and heavily tax ammunition purchase which will prevent me from doing this.
2. I like traveling. It really helps me clear my mind. But I can only get 14 days of vacation a year. So I can really only travel once a year..
3. I like airplanes, so I just sometimes sit at home and look out the window for hours watching airlines take off and land at the airport.
4. I don't like working out. But I do it a few times a week.
5. I'll sit on Google maps for hours and hours and just look around the world at different cities wishing I could go there. But know that I probably never will be able to.
>>17334836
its pretty bad anon. not healthy. kinda sabotages chances at a real relationsihp when it comes.
learn to be alone without being lonely, cuz thats the definition of lonely.
is she asian btw?
>>17334841
what country do you live in? who are they electing? youcan always get different kinds of guns that arent banned and though taxes might make it more expensive its not a dead end. it doesnt prevent you from doing this.
theres also lasertag, paintball, and BB guns. while it may not be quite the same thing, worth exploring.
>i like to travel
and thats great, but you do get two weeks of it out of the year. its on the extreme side so its understandable. with those out of the way, there are 50 more weeks to fill up with other stuff. while traveling more would be more fun it certainly doesnt have to be the only thing.
>i like airplanes
thats great, and i dont see a problem here. you should consider getting a private license as well. i hear if you pinch pennies it can cost as little as 5000 dollars. not ideal but possibly worth the investment.
>i dont like working out
have you considered finding an alternative exerise form. i hate jogging and going for walks as is. to spice it up i run with my dog at the park. she likes running and jumping on things and general chasing so we get a lot more of a work out than regular walk.
i also enjoy playing hte new pokemon go game, which certainly encourages me to walk more while catching pokemon. I also love dodgeball and lasertag which are way better cardio experiences than you'd get at the gym.
all these are unfortunately cardio, but they certainly help and are fun even if you disregard the exercise concept.
ultimately you do have interests, so i think you should look into what other interests they could lead to. seems to me you lack the creative spark to do something dedicated with the bulk of your spare time.
in middle school i got bored sitting around so i started producing my own web series and it was a lot of fun. now filmmaking takes up the majority of my spare time.
>>17334850
Yes. You can probably guess what I am into. I'm Asian too mind, and have always, always loved and preferred Asian girls. Since as long as I can remember.
You're right, it does. A man can dream though. And truth be told, even in my mid twenties, I lack the social skills and resources to consider a relationship, far worse the former than the latter.
>>17334841
Your desire to own murder machines doesn't outweigh the safety of the public
Gun violence needs to end
>>17334865
>i lack social skills
jesus christ im so tired of hearing this. you are not unique. there are women who think the same as you and you'd get along just fine.
that being said, social skills are not something you can fucking measure. there is no quota, no requirement. if you want social skills, go fucking socialize.
sorry to go off on you but you are literally choosing not to pursue relationships because you aren't instantly and automatically great at it. none of us were. none of us are.
get your shit together and stop blaming social skills.
>>17334862
>where do you live?
US
>you can get different types of guns
You don't understand. I don't really know how to explain it. But I used to be in the military, so shooting these guns I have kind of like bring me back to a better time of my life, something I'm familiar with. Hillary Clinton wants to heavily restrict ammunition purchase and make it very difficult to buy ammo. She wants to ban the same guns I have. And then "nerf" the other guns I have which takes enjoyment out of it. Pic related.
I used to be really into paintball, but I can't do it anymore because paintball parks are only open on Saturday and Sundays. I work both of those days. And I'm too old for laser tag and BB guns. I'm 25, those things are meant for little kids.
>you get 2 weeks of it
Yes. But it's hard when that's one of your biggest enjoyments, and I can only do it once a year. It doesn't give me much to look forward to.
>get pilots license.
Honestly, I'm not smart enough. I actually did go take lessons. But you have to be smart and good at math because there is lots of calculations you need to be able to do quickly which I can't do.
>different forms of working out?
I'm a skinny guy, so I usually just listen to music and go lift weights. but I don't enjoy it. I'm not trying to lose weight, so there isn't many other alternatives at least that I can think of
I just don't know, I'm at the age where things are awkward. Because everyone already has established social circles, and most people are starting to get into serious relationships and settle down. So there doesn't seem to be many things for single guys to do by themselves my age.
>>17334893
Forgot pic
>>17334868
>says the milfag
>>17334890
You're fine, its fair enough to say it like you did.
>sorry to go off on you but you are literally choosing not to pursue relationships because you aren't instantly and automatically great at it. none of us were. none of us are.
>get your shit together and stop blaming social skills.
Not really. Its cause of spending most of my life socializing and doing so poorly as well as doing a pretty poor job in keeping relationships long term.
People got bored of me and in my younger days, bullied me. Left a bit of a dent. It's not an excuse and I am not saying "On a margin of 1/10 my social skills are 1", I know myself my social skills are very much poor in a non scale form.
To keep it short:
I am not pursuing a relationship for my already poor track record of maintaining regular friendships as well as because, if I want to enter a relationship, I would be thinking long term. I don't want to go into one for the sake of it or for experience, it would be for love and I would only enter if I thought it could potentially lead to marriage. In that way I am very archaic.
That and I lack a career. I am just getting on my feet and have no proper income. That's the gist of it.
>>17334899
>he uses a vertical grip
>>17334893
>US
you are grossly over simplifying stuff that hasnt even happened yet. every president has promised great and amazing change and very little of it actually trickles through.
you have guns. you can enjoy guns. when the laws and rules are changed you may have to switch up the way you enjoy them, but you will still be able to
>saturdays and sundays
decide wahts more important, your current job or your interest in paintball. its okay to choose job. but if you like paintball, either try to switch your schedule, get a new job, or this or that or the third thing.
life is a balancing act and change and sacrifice has to be made. you have to work to at being happy and it takes real effort. god knows how much i had to do to get to the balance i enjoy.
>it doesnt give me much to look forward to
get over it? life isnt meant to be one perpetual form of happiness over and over again. your pleasure center would shrink if you did that just as much as it has now just sitting around dicking on the internet all day.
dont get me wrong i wish we could all travel more, but your life doesnt and cant revolve around it, so enjoy what you can and work hard at other things. one great 14 day trip a year is pretty exciting desu.
>not smart enough
get smarter.
>i dont want to lose weight
netiher do I. im 120 pounds, but cardio isnt about losing weight. it works your muscles in a different way. while im sure you want to lift for gains, cardio helps keep you fit as well. no reason NOT to do cardio.
theres more to do than you realize, so stop boxing yourself in. i feel you cuz most of my friends are settling down, getting married, or just uber dating but there is a lot more to life than just 'wlel im single so im fucked'
you are choosing to be a downer. you dont want to explore new options and insisting that what you have is no longer worth it.
im gonna stop replying cuz frankly you've admitted you arent looking for advice. you just want to whine about life.
>>17334900
you are boxing yourself in and theres not much i can say. you've made your choices and are refusing to look beyond them much like OP.
i wish i could give advice to help, but you are saying
>WELL YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT ALSO FUCK YOU I CANT DATE
you are literally choosing to not pursue something cuz you apparently have to be willing to marry her before you even get to know her. think about it anon. your thoughts arent archaic, they are just convenient. you built a world where you dont have to stress out about relationships and are clamingi ts just not int he stars right now cuz you are 'archaic'. you are not archaic. you literally refuse to pursue any girl.
good luck, but this threads a dead end so im out.
>>17334916
>he uses a death grip
>>17334916
And you don't? shit, I bet you don't even use a hand stop.
Happiness is a chemical signal that your brain receives under 3 conditions:
1. No threats
2. Accomplishments
3. Chemical highs, including high calorie intake or caffeine, etc...
Relationships fulfill all 3, which is why love is the most powerful drug.
>>17334934
I deathgrip your dad's dick faggot
>>17334933
Thanks for posting back to me at least anon. Your post did make me think however, I do have a lot to reflect on. Sorry that it frustrated you and while you are right in some respects, I can't get my context across as well as I want over text. But thank you.
>>17334924
Hillary will win. And she will ban guns.
>find new work
See this post. I've been fucking trying and trying.>>17334646
>get smarter
Same thing above
The thing that pisses me off. Is everyone suggest the same fucking things. I never get different advice from anyone I talk to. It's always the same shit
>>17334945
But I don't want a girlfriend..
>>17334934
I don't own a AR
1v1 me bro
>>17334962
Then fulfill the other three concepts independently, or go on a search for something that fulfills all three.
>>17334972
My BCM would do work against your shitty lever action.
You know what, I won't bring my BCM. I'll just bring my M1 Garand.
>>17334978
Teach me
>>17334980
When you miss all your shots with your M1 you can at least bludgeon me to death with it
>>17334991
The M1 never misses.
>>17335007
I know it just might be hard for you without a vertical grip :^)
>>17335012
Clever..
Btw. I was going to say your Waifu is shit, because normally you post shit Waifu. But that Waifu is nice
>>17334983
>1. No threats
Learn self defense and how to contact authorities; learn to argue and debate (socratic method)
>2. Accomplishments
Pick up a hobby; wild gardening, photography, etc.
>3. Chemical highs, including high calorie intake or caffeine, etc...
Eat more, exercise more.
>>17335020
I only have one waifu and she can eat yours
>>17335028
>she will eat yours
Well. I think Ayame would enjoy that very much
>>17335023
>Learn self defense and how to contact authorities; learn to argue and debate (socratic method)
I can already do this
>pick a hobby
I have hobbies.. Well, a few I guess. I listed them above
>eat more, excerise more
I have a hard time eating more because I developed a very sensitive stomach the past 4 years. And I don't like to workout too much because it makes me depressed.
Working out is actually more negative than positive for me..
hang out with friends and enjoy yourself. get out of the house. go back to school.
>>17335155
>go back to school
That's one of the worst things I could do. University was a terrible experience for me..
Best relationship you can have... is with yourself.
