How do I fix the damage of my childhood
>Parents divorced
>Both parents would give me tremendous attention in order to spite the other
>They were seriously sociopaths towards each other
>Despite this, neither gave me actual affection
>No hugs, no "proud of you son", no "good job" or anything like that
>Left with a bizarre complex where I can't tell when anybody cares about me because they love me or because they just want to use me like my parents did
I'm 23 and I'm pretty sure that this early childhood relationship with my parents is the cause of most of my relationship and interpersonal failures. I don't trust anybody. I constantly assume they're just using me for something, and when people aren't using me for something I assume their affection isn't real.
Read this
https://www.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-Timeless-Traditional/dp/0743243153
eh I get used sometimes too. mostly by females especially at work.
I think you should stop trying to heal old scars and instead forgive yourself for the time you've spent in pain. You don't deserve to suffer for what your parents did to you. By not trusting your own judgement of people, you are being haunted by your past. My situation was very, very similar to yours, and my troubles seem to have been the same. The way I learned to trust people was to learn to let go of prejudice. You think everybody is out to either trick you or use you, when in reality you have no reason to believe so other than something two out of seven billion people did to you. You're now very well equipped with first-hand experience in telling bullshit apart from sincere affection. Your anger and regret is keeping you from utilizing it properly. Please, just believe me when I say that good people are out there.
Your childhood happened. There is nothing you can do to change the past. You can only steer your present towards your future. If you look back, you won't see what's in front of you.
