I'm getting back together with my ex and my family and friends are freaking out already about it. I told my mom and brother that I might be seeing him again and my brother got upset and told me not to, mom was more understanding. Then I saw my ex and told about it to my friend and she got as upset as my brother and said that it's okay to be friends but I should never give him another chance. He cheated on me emotionally (or well he went to look for transgirls online and planned on meeting them but didn't do it) and now he has done it and decided that he doesn't want it and that it was a mistake. I want to try a relationship again, to take it really slowly before telling anyone and he is very understanding that if I get anxiety about it we can stop seeing.
But now I am getting anxious about the reaction of my family and friends..
Tl;dr family and friends don't/won't accept me getting back together with my ex and it bothers me, what to do?
Your friends and family don't want you to get together with someone who completely disregarded your feelings so he could non-biological women and generally hurt you? How irrational of them!
Seriously though. They don't want to see you get hurt again, but I couldn't care less because I don't know you, so go on, fuck your life over.
>>17316040
Your family and friends are into something here. I know you can't process complex logical thinking but if many people are saying the same thing maybe you should stop and think about the whole thing long and hard.
>he went to look for transgirls online
Enough said there.
>>17316040
How does it feel being someone's second choice?
>>17316044
Yeah I know. And you know, I am very understanding person and I can justify anything but I don't know, it feels like i'm choosing between them and him. Especially I don't want to disappoint my brother, he's my twin and I know how he worries.
>>17316040
Who knows why people who love you don't want you to get back with someone who didn't love you enough to stay faithful to you and now wants you back after he fucked some tranny.
Who the fuck knows why.
You're all so right but now I feel like it's a really shitty thing to do to leave him AGAIN after I got his hopes up again.
Of course they are angry with you, you're taking the easy way out.
This guy had feelings for some random person who sent him messages on the internet, or that he solicited himself.
His meeting ended being a turn-off and now he wants to go back to plan B. He's not going to settle, you're going to continue being plan B until he finds a replacement.
If you are already aware of that but want to proceed regardless the only thing you can hope for is for your boyfriend to earn their trust again, and show his commitment and love to you...and if you think that won't happen, you need to break it off.
>>17316051
He's already done it all, we tried for a year after I found out. It was just physical lust, no emotions. But now that I know he did actually fucked someone with a penis and regrets it, I kind of see us having a future. I left him because of anxiety. But fuck, I know what I should do logically but still feel like "who does it hurt if we have a movie night now and then, etc"
>>17316047
You're not choosing for your family, you're choosing for yourself.
Don't say nonsense like that to try to justify getting back to this closet faggot -yeah because that's what he is.
He will eventually dump you for boipuccy. Just remember that is a very strong possibility.
You're a girl, if you're cute then life is on easy difficulty and you can find a real virile male in no time.
>>17316050
Have some fucking self respect and leave him. Who cares about his feelings.
He doesn't love you and respect you. If he did, he wouldn't cheat on you, and he wouldn't ask you to go back with him and treat you as a second choice. He's with you because it's better than being alone.
>>17316056
You think? After two months I left him he went on okcupid to find a gf. Feels like he just needs someone.
>>17316058
>You think? After two months I left him he went on okcupid to find a gf. Feels like he just needs someone.
Do you want to be with someone who is with you because of lack of better options, or someone who is with you because you're the only option he'd consider?
Have some self respect and don't settle for someone like this.
>>17316056
Nailed it.
>>17316058
Is just being "someone" enough for you?
>>17316060
Ok. I just feel like an asshole for leaving him again. But that's my mistake. Shouldn't have talked to him again. He just fucked me up so well, I have trust issues and with him I know what I am going to get and how it will hurt and it doesn't bother me so much. But I miss being alone already too. He did a lot more than just that tranny thing.
>>17316065
Apparently some people just get drawn towards bad decisions, like being controlled. I guess that's why so many wives let domestic violence happen instead of leaving.
>>17316065
You're NOT an asshole for leaving someone who is an asshole. Having some self respect isn't being an asshole. Refusing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you is a matter of self-respect.
Block him. Don't let him guilt-trip you into talking to him again. Just be done with him for real.
Are you getting support for your issues?
>>17316047
You should get together with your brother, all problems solved
>>17316071
Yeah. It's like I know that this is a stupid decision but still feel like "well maybe he changed and NOW he respects me". So fucked up.
>>17316076
Less GoT for you my man.
>>17316079
>GoT
go away and take your pleb shit with you
>>17316074
I should get some support. But i still do feel like an asshole, he's so happy about me seeing him again. But he tried to cheat on me for two years. On top of that he texted his ex twice that he misses her and then for six months he googled her daily to look at her pictures but still says he doesn't love her and doesn't want her back, he was just messed up. He also did the same thing with coworkers pic. Also he fucked another girl while we were apart and that girl might be pregnant and I notice myself hoping she is so that I can have an easy way out of this all.. I should just tolerate being an asshole.
>>17316087
You're not an asshole for leaving him. You're doing his best, and your best. If you stay with him you'll just allow him to become more messed up because you're not able to confront him, and it will make you more anxious and unhappy.
Get support for your issues and move on. It's the best for both of you.
Your family and friends have your best interests in mind. Please listen to them. I was in a similar situation except it was my best friend who was pleading for me to stop seeing my emotionally abusive ex. I didn't listen to her and our friendship was destroyed as result of that. She was right though. My ex was just using me while she wanted to best for me. Please don't let this prick have another chance to hurt you because all he's doing is taking advantage of your emotions.
>>17316103
I appreciate you so much for trying to help me. I would have no issue with leaving him but I already did it once. I think he already told his mom that he is seeing me again (not sure thought, we agreed not to even friend each other on facebook before we were sure of this) and last night he was telling how proud he is of us cause we were able to figure out our issues.
>>17316105
Yeah it is kind of my best friend too who actually yelled at me to not get back together with him. I'm too nice and I know he is just taking advantage of that. I will figure out a way to get out of this.
And funny though, only one who wants me to be with him is my mother, who is an alcoholic who tried to get me to date some guy who was in jail for beating up some guy. So she probably doesn't really know what is best for me.
>>17316109
You can leave him twice, it's not forbidden by law. Just don't EVER talk to him again.
>he was telling how proud he is of us cause we were able to figure out our issues.
Did you figure out your issues, tho?
You seem to be still anxious and still have trust issues. And he seems to be an abusive and manipulating cunt.
>>17316114
I guess, I believe he won't ever do that shit again after everything but the fact that he did do it.. I think that is the problem with my family and friends.
>>17316109
Him telling you that he's proud just comes off as really manipulative. Don't fall for it. He's feeding into whatever hope and feelings you have left for the relationship.
I hope this is a troll because you are fucking retarded.
>>17316119
Yeah and feels like I am the failure in this relationship since he is so proud. But fuck. I could just say that I can't get over the anxiety. I still do feel like he did want his ex back cause he texted her but still try to convince myself and nooooo some people just try to get their ex back even though they really don't want it. It's like he is making me doubt my intellect and my intuition. It really fucks up with my head.
>>17316118
>I believe he won't ever do that shit again after everything
He's going to do it again. He'll be quiet for a few months and then fuck up again, and you're going to be too much into it to break up.
I don't believe that once a cheater always a cheater, but this guy isn't trustworthy. If he had feelings for you he wouldn't go around and fuck others. He wouldn't try to cheat on you for 2 years. He wouldn't allow your anxieties to grow stronger by actually doing the one thing you were scared about.
>>17316121
This is a problem that a lot of girls have when they've become abused by their abusers especially if it's their first relationship. I went through the same thing so I can understand. It really is irrational how attached we become to our abuser. We become blinded by our emotions and by any hope that our abuser will change and become a better person because it's what we hope for deep down. I broke out of it because I had had enough of my ex's abuse but I know somebody else who's been through an abusive relationship for several years. It really feels like a form of brainwashing and emotional exploitation.
>>17316133
Yeah exactly. For me, last time I left him I couldn't even function anymore, I couldn't go to school or work cause I started having panic attacks. And I am scared of what he will do next time, will he start looking for regular girls online for sex or what? I am a ridiculous person for not just breaking up with him straight forward, but I will either wait to know if the other girl is pregnant and if she is then leave, say that I am too anxious about not knowing if the other girl is pregnant and leave, tell him that I can't deal with my family and friends pretty much hating him and leave or just a combination of all of them because it's all true.
>>17316130
You are right. I am so scared that what if he gets a new itch, what if next time he needs to fuck like multiple girls at a time and he will start looking for that online and I don't find out about it for like years and we'd be married with kids and I'd have wasted my life with someone like that.
>>17316141
>I'd have wasted my life with someone like that.
Don't allow yourself to waste your life then. Date someone who loves you and has eyes for you only. You deserve it.
Seek therapy and help if you need to, but don't fall back in the abuse cycle.
>>17316139
The best option is to just leave and NEVER look back. Block him, don't let him find a way to contact you. This is the only option that will allow you to recover and preserve your sanity as well as your self-respect. You have family and friends who care and want the best for you. They can help you through the pain of a break up. I know it's the hardest thing to do at the time but it's the only good option.
>>17316145
I probably need therapy because I feel like everyone cheats.
>>17316147
Yeah, last time he sent me a text and it escalated from there. I have to ask him not to text me ever again. I feel like it won't even be painful again, it's just scary and what if I am making a mistake and he has actually changed? Lol why am I so stupid to think that's possible?
Also I feel like an asshole cause he is doing literally everything he can to make me trust him and stay, I have access to all of his electronics, passwords, everything. I can even track him if I want. He is willing to even have a livefeed of him 24/7 but that's just crazy. Last time he put some cellphone tracking thing on his phone so I could see what he does at all times but I want a normal relationship, I don't want to have to keep tabs on my bf.
>>17316152
Don't ask him to stop talking to you, just block him. By allowing him the opportunity to talk and continuing communication, you're giving him more chances to lure you back into the cycle of abuse. This really is an all-or-nothing deal. You need to cut him out of your life for good. Also, keep remembering: Abusers never change!
>>17316152
He has NOT changed. Move on and find someone better.
Or you can go the "just fuck my shit up" route and get back with him.
>>17316164
I will change my phonenumber then. And for some reason I don't see him as an abuser. He never treated his other girlfriends like this, it's just me who is getting shit on.
>>17316168
>>17316161
It's clearly abuse then. He sees you as easy to manipulate and it gratifies his ego. There is no real love in him. Also, allowing you to keep track of him? Those are NOT part of a normal, healthy relationship and just another manipulation tactic he's proposing. In fact, it reeks of desperation and creepiness.
>>17316172
Very creepy and he'd no doubt use that shit against you when you inevitably break up again. Get the fuck away from him while you can OP.
>>17316176
Thank you everyone so much. I will be meeting him tonight, I am too scared to cancel cause he will get so sad and possibly angry since I am supposed to be leaving in half an hour. I won't leave him face to face since that has never ever worked out, last time I did it on phone and it worked well.
>>17316181
Meeting him sounds like a really bad idea. Seriously, just make the call and say you've done a lot of thinking and that you don't want to get back together. Breaking contact from then onward is the best move you can make.
Seeing him now can only make things worse and lead it along. Stop it now while it's early.
>>17316187
THIS THIS THIS
Plz listen OP
>>17316187
He could get really upset and when he is upset he breaks things. I'm scared he will come to my place and break something of mine. I will do it tomorrow. Also he sometimes threatens with suicide so.. I just try to be as nice about this as possible.
>>17316194
Don't let him in. If he comes to your place, call the fucking cops.
If he threatens to suicide, just quit the call.
DON'T LET HIM MANIPULATE YOU.
>>17316194
No, really, don't see him and get out of it NOW. He sounds extremely unbalanced and dangerous to be around.
Just call, cancel, explain and I guess lock your door. If you don't leave now he'll have you under his thumb and make you keep coming back to him.
>>17316194
Oh, so he also loses his temper and fucks shit up, why doesn't this surprise me?
>>17316194
>He could get really upset and when he is upset he breaks things. I'm scared he will come to my place and break something of mine.
despite all this you were still considering getting back with him? holy shit. avoid him and dont see him again.
>>17316194
>He could get really upset and when he is upset he breaks things.
why the fuck are you even bothering with this guy? come on. you know you can do better than him, why settle for less. one day you will realizee how wrong you where, i just hope, for your sake, that you leave him sooner than later.
>>17316201
Yeah, but he has supposedly changed. I read all this stuff about how a cheater can change and how a cheater will never change. But I will go see him for a few hours and then leave him later. I know how awful it will get if I cancel now, I have to leave in 10 mins and he would go absolutely crazy.
>>17316204
I will leave him. He has just gotten so into my head that I don't think I can even get anyone better, like nobody would be faithful or honest to me and treat me well.
>>17316205
Don't go and see him. Just don't. Call him and tell him you two are done, and then block him.
>>17316205
The possibility of him bettering himself doesn't eliminate your obvious fear of him. You shouldn't spend time with folks you dread. At this point all of this mess sounds like Stockholm Syndrome.
>>17316205
You can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink.
He's going to fuck your shit up OP and you're allowing him to do it. He's manipulating you and fucking up your own idea of self worth. CANCEL ON HIM RIGHT NOW. You are seriously putting yourself in a terrible situation by going.
Call, cancel, explain, block.
>>17316207
good. if he threatens you call the police, and if he talks about suicide inform his family so they can keep a watch on him. If you feel awkward about telling his family, get your mum to do it.
>>17316207
>>17316205
OP, you seriously have Stockholm syndrome. Take a step back and try to realize this. Do not see him.
