Hey, /adv/, I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship.
My ex was really controlling and insecure about herself and always took her anger out on me. In the last three months I hardly went out, since I was very nearly depressed (didn't have the energy to get up from bed most days).
She dumped me in the worst way possible, when I started to ignore her constant ultimatums about things such as going out with my mates for a beer on a friday, or with my university mates to send off our friend on a trip.
She dumped me, and her last phrase was a dagger into my heart, played on my old insecurity and a stupid thing she did just before we started dating.
But now I miss her. Two days after dumping me, she came back crying, saying she would do anything to fix it. I told her to give me two weeks of no contact, to think things through. If I should forgive her, if we can be together.
So I've spent this time going out with my buddies, doing whatever I actually wanna do. While she constantly broke the no contact with drunk calls, a random picture of a guy I went to school with, and even managed to call my mother.
And then she started terrorising me again. Apparently a friend of a friend of a friend, told some person a thing, which was wrong, and which I did not ever say, and she called off the two-weeks after meeting.
All I do when I talk to her for these brief moments is feel anxiety. The first calls, I felt nothing. She was a crying mess who regretted her actions deeply. So I gave her two weeks.
And finally, nearing the end of week two - I miss her. Very, very, very much. We've been together for 1 and a half years. And I just feel so alone and betrayed. Like I really need a hug. But there is noone in my life who can give me that. I don't plan on forgiving her or getting back together, but I want to talk to her and have some closure. I feel so fucking miserable. Help me, /adv/.
Tl,dr; got out of an emotionally abusive relationship, but I still miss her her. Advice?
>>17314429
Holy fuck, be a fucking man. No shit she was abusive, you're more of a woman than her.
Your lifestyles were incompatible, just accept that and move on. Let her find someone who is more suited to her as well.
>>17314459
I know that, and I don't mind. It's just that thinking about her or seeing her makes me really anxious. Is there any way to avoid this? I want us to end on a good note. Don't want to stay friends, but I just want to be able to look her in the eyes and know, that it didn't work out and that is okay, and not have a crazy bitch ex trying to fuck up my life and making me always be on the edge about everything.
I get that you miss her, but if she's going to fuck your psychology up then it's not worth it. She sounds umhealthy.
Devil's advocate says you did agree to these "abusive" terms, which is (believe it or not) as wrong as being the abuser. She's shocked by this new ultimatum you have created for her. She has no security, and she's scared.
What I would do, and you don't have to take my advice, is start a new relationship where each person has a healthy amount of say, not this thing where either you are in 100% control or she is in 100% control. It may be possible to do this with her.
The most important thing to do is to not repeat this pattern, whoever you are with.
>>17314477
I really wish we could just start over. But the thing is she's just too insecure about herself. She spent the first week crying about how much she hates herself because she did that to me. The second week was basically her shouting in various ways "look at how awesome my life is without you" and digging up reasons and slander so she could hate me. I don't want her to have a reason to hate me, so I don't badmouth her, I try to be the bigger man. And in a few days we are going to talk. Not get back together, but probably talk about this. How weird she was acting these weeks. She wants to justify her awful behaviour by searching for reasons to hate me.
>>17314491
Doesn't sound desirable to me. You read what I said about learning from your mistakes, not letting the next one control your life.
Her behavior sounds typical of an insecure person who stopped being able to stifle their partner. In reality you gained your freedom and some karma back. Sorry it wasn't the romance you wanted. Such is life.
>>17314506
Frankly, I view her as a bit sick, atleast right now. I just don't want her to have any residual hatred for me. Is it wrong to try and have a nice last meeting, get some closure out of it, talk about what failed and try to be on friendly terms? Is it even possible? Again, I'd cut all contact. I just don't want to vomit when I see her on the street.
>>17314514
Read "No Exit"
It's very short and intense
