I'm in a bit of a complicated situation with a ladyfriend of mine. I'll try to keep this as short as possible while still conveying the full gist. I'm just not sure where to go from here, really.
Been friends with this guy Justin for a few years now, probably one of my best friends. He's been dating this girl May for about the same amount of time. I say dating, that's pretty much it. They have never been intimate at all, pretty odd relationship. Anyway, we all hang out together a lot, find myself developing feelings for May but you know, buddies girl, whatever, suppress that shit.
A few months back now, however, they acknowledged that they weren't intimate and decided to end the relationship and remain friends. I talked to both of them about it separately and May seemed to be dealing with it a lot better than Justin, however Justin eventually got over it as well.
We also all hang out with another guy, Dan. One night, Dan, May, and I all got drunk together. While May was in the bathroom, I asked Dan for advice on the situation. He recommended I not act on it because May and I are not much alike. But May and I are actually a lot alike. She's basically a female version of me, really. The fact that we're so similar is honestly the main reason I'm so into her, physically she is nothing special. That night, May also mentioned she's been talking to some guy on the other side of the state, some agender freaf. Nothing wrong with that stuff, just the guy is a little weird aside from that as well.
So fastforward a few months to the past couple weeks. It's become increasingly obvious that not only Dan and I both like May, but also that May, from each of our perspectives, seems to like the other. ie I think she likes Dan, Dan thinks she likes me. Or atleast that's what I garner from conversations with our other friends. Justin seems completely oblivious to the situation. One night, yet again, Dan, May, and I get drunk together, but this time with several other people.
cont
>>17291116
cont
So i end up getting drunk enough this night that I blurt out in front of everybody to May that I have feelings for her. She just kind of says "i know", and we all kind of move past it. I was obviously feeling a little put down so I eventually tried to nonchalantly leave. May noticed and tried to stop me, but in my stupor I just wanted to leave, and ended up making a bit of a scene in doing so.
May chased me outside alone to my car and again pleaded with me not to leave. We ended up discussing our feelings a bit more, me telling her in more detail how long I'd felt this way, her saying she feels the same, but is more invested in the guy she's been talking to from across the state that I mentioned earlier. She also told me she had no interest in Dan. Eventually, I do go back inside, but manage to slip away without notice this time a short while later. I just didn't want to be around after all that. Apparently she also confronted Dan about his feelings a short while after, who refused to discuss it with her.
Since then things have been pretty awkward but I didn't want to lose her as a friend because she's cool as fuck, so I just tried to move past it. Slowly returned to normalish. Last night she messaged our group chat saying she was sad and wanted to hang out, around 2 am. Everyone but me declined, so we ended up spending all night going from diner to diner just drinking coffee and talking all night. Apparently things with the other guy from out of town fell through and it had her pretty down. We watched the sun rise from an abandoned building in our area and decided to call it a night. We at some point discussed what happened the drunken night but never really got into our feelings again.
I just don't know what to do from her. I don't know if May is interested in me or not, personally it still seems like she's into Dan, and I also feel like i don't want to be her second draft or whatever. At the same time, I still really like her.
>>17291137
if i sound like a beta cuck at all it's probably because I am. I don't usually like people enough to even both pursuing a relationship with them, so I'm not used to this sort of thing.
>>17291116
bump
tldr liked friends ex for a while now and we all hang out as friends, she gave me mixed signals, not sure whether to hold out or moved on
>>17291116
Based on the information you provided, it seems like this ladyfriend of your sees you as just that, a friend. People generally like to avoid confrontation, which is sometimes averted by the use of alcohol. From this point of view, if she felt the same way about you, she would be with you or make an attempt to do just that.. There is no barrier anymore, there is no "does he like me or not" there is no "risk "here. She understands and knows that you have feelings for her, the real question is now, why is it does she not want to be with you.
Either:
1)She doesn't want to ruin friendship ( I kind of see this as a bullshit excuse really, a way to mask the real reason(s)
2) She's not attracted to you sexually, intellectually (i doubt this because you see to connect well) emotionally etc
3) She has feelings for either Dan or that guy from across state.
Taking the no contact approach works best for me. Cutting off the person has yielded the best results. It has a paradoxical effect; by for absence creates value, (Wow I really wish I could talk to anon, right now, He made me feel a certain way that nobody else has made me feel.) If you continue to be friends, there's no sense of void, she doesn't stand to lose anything by not choosing you because you are faithfully her "friend". People like to call this beta cuck on here.
Alternatively, you can just stay her friend or whatnot. Doing this you need to understand that you should abolish any extra feelings you have about her. Eventually she will date other people/dan/ldr man, and you need to be okay with that, and if you are not, it will just stir up resentment, anger, sadness and just general emotional strain
What you choose to do, is up to you. Good luck.
