Advices/thoughts on distant relationships, also post your own experiences and thoughts on it.
Personally I know it is a challenge, on both fronts and it's a shared struggle, but I say that as long as both of us want it to work we will make it happen.
My paranoia is fueled by the omnipresent of shallow people, nevermind the challenges that such couples needs to pass through before uniting in real life.
I don't have any intention of cheating now that we agreed to be each other's.
I plan to make our initial first real life meeting as soon as possible in order to get the final hang of each other and cement the "deal".
Don't do it unless there's a good chance one of you will move. Definitely do not do it across countries unless you're in Europe and can drive 45 minutes and be in a different country.
>>17284467
I had one for 5 years. We were engaged. She left me.
Don't do it. I know you still will because I was where you are now at one time. I never listened to what others said. It's likely you won't either.
Let's just say I wish I'd never met her. The long distance relationship pretty much ruined my life. It'll start affecting you mentally as well...
>long distance relationship
>relationship
Dude, you said you have never met. It's not a relationship. It's an internet crush.
>>17284478
Oh and actually my sister was in one for nearly 5 years as well. She cheated. Both were scarred for life, both nearly immediately after marrying someone very shitty they settled for.
Just fyi
>>17284478
She was weak.
>>17284494
She was too.
I am in a relationship that started as an LDR. 8 years together, I moved to her. The big thing about LDR's is that both people have to be committed and willing to basically drop everything to be with each other.
It doesn't work if you have unreasonable doubts or less than full commitment. To put it bluntly, it's nearly equivalent to deciding to marry someone you just met. That's a scary thing to do, and not everyone is suited to that kind of extreme commitment.
Meeting does help. But I do agree OP, if this is going to work, one or both of you have to be willing and able to move to be together. As much as I would love to say otherwise, an LDR cannot last forever without turning into a face to face relationship - the alternative is guaranteed breakup, because at some point one of you will break (it could take 5 years, it could take 10, but the sheer amount of stress that an LDR breeds is unhealthy and too much of it WILL break one of you down eventually.)
>>17284559
Let me translate that for you
>don't do it
As he admitted in his post and others have said as well, this fucks you up mentally and emotionally. Don't do it.
For every success story there's probably 100 disaster ones.
>3 years, I doubt i'll ever be able to love again.
>>17284467
What is utmost important is to have a meeting date. A day were the distance will come to an end.
A LDR should be temporary.
I was in a LDR for just a year, and we are now living together. I simply had my mind busy with college and hobbies and time flew. We talked every night via skype, and everything went well. During these months we saw the same films in the cinema, we saw the same series and did stuff together without being together.
Also, the brother of my best friend married a woman he knew from internet and that he couldn't see for 5 years. They now live together. He was from europe and she was from south america.
Is really not that difficult imo.
>>17284570
Thats not at all what I said. What I said is that leaving it as an LDR indefinitely causes a fuckton of stress.
If they have plans to meet often and have the means to move to each other, that reduces the stress levels immensely, because they can just be together if it is the right time. But you have to go into an LDR knowing if it is going to turn into a face to face relationship eventually.
If there is doubt, it makes things a lot harder, so it helps a lot if both would be willing to drop their lives for love.
>>17284478
I have an open mind but yes I won't let go because I want this to work, tell me your story nevertheless
>>17284559
We did made plans for me to come over and settle togheter after we sorted things out, I have all the intention of claiming, marrying and settling with her, she is an amazing girl and loves me dearly.
I also know that a LDR is a stressful thing which will end in failure if it stretches too much, that's why I plan to visit and spend a week togheter
>>17284599
It can be difficult for each pair's circumstances, I have seen a few LDR's come to fruit, and seen a few more not
>>17284612
It made us both into bad people. That's the feeling i get anyways. First year to 2 years were ok. Fun even at times. I learned through the years though that sex became increasingly important to me, and it changed me. I honestly believe being sexually starved while in a relationship no matter the reason will lead to bad things. On her part there was jealousy and clingyness. It led to me putting my life on hold basically for the duration of those years. One of you two will likely end up doing that, because over time it starts to grow uneven. Once you settle into a routine, communication will begin to suffer because you'll start to run out of stuff to talk about. Shared experiences mean a lot. At time's we'd go for months just talking about our last meeting and planning the next one. It eventually grows stale. The waiting I mean. It's like you're not living in the now, just waiting. Always waiting.
The problems led to what i now realize was a period of severe depression spanning years. I let stuff crumble around me as the relationship increasingly became more difficult. Having sunk in years I refused to quit easily. She chose otherwise, towards the end we'd break up often. We were ok for a few months then I invited her to meet on vacation, she said she couldnt, even if she could she didn't want to and that she hated me. She blocked me on everything. and that was it. Later sent me emails telling me she felt nothing for me. I never got to even break up on videochat lol. Just stupid messenger text.
I'm not the cheating type. You will get nonstop thoughts about it though. It's unhealthy.
One good thing is that I've never had jealousy issues, if you do...I think you're in for a very tough time.
I know of three LDRs from people i know. Two ended wtih cheating(once the guy, and once the girl) and the other one ended with them "drifting apart."
>>17284669
I just want to say this isn't the same experience I had, and I will put some points to demonstrate:
First off, I went into the relationship severely depressed (I did not realise this at the time.) During the course of the relationship I discovered my depression, and the LDR was my reason to go get treated - I wanted to be healthy for myself and for her.
Second, thoughts of cheating never entered my thoughts. Ever. In fact I was so oblivious to other women that I didn't realise a friend was into me, and it didn't click until she sent me nudes. This freaked me the fuck out, I told my gf and stopped contact with that friend, and I learned a valuable lesson.
Sexually starved - ok, I admit this was a hurdle. But we found ways to be intimate without physically touching each other. As for the simpler needs, like hugs, we exchanged stuffed bears, which helped stave off that clingy feeling a bit.
So I just want to say, I am sorry that happened to you. But that is basically a worst case scenario deal, and it seems like it was largely her fault, not yours. LDR's are difficult and you know this, but it takes both people being equally committed. She clearly wasn't, and that isn't a black mark against you.
But it has to be stressed again and again - the LDR phase is only ever meant to be a gateway to a proper face to face relationship. LDR's are too unstable and stressful for that to be the only thing. And the sooner you close that gap (within reason) the better.
