How to stop having issues with lack of acting feminine?
"Fake it till you make it" is shit advice, i fake it when i have a crush on a person, but it's hard to keep that image for long.
Geez, i miss days when i could hang out with guys, joke, discuss shit and swear. It feels nice being "one of the guys" as long as you don't romantically like anyone there.
Now I'm in my 20s and can't form even meaningful friendships with guys, i'm afraid i slip into "non-feminine" old behaviour and nobody will see me as a girl. Had this scenario played in school and now it's a shitty phobia.
There is evidence guys like girls who act like stereotypical guys (ie try to hide their feelings, blatantly show displease, avoid small talk, don't read between the lines, compete), because it's easier to relate to same sex. But that's perceived as immature.
>tl;dr
Have masculine mindset - afraid guys won't want me
Ironically, my appearance is feminine as fuck and i'm very short, so sex change is even more pointless.
I think its only your phobia that is keeping you from having relationships with guys. I'm a more masculine chick with a feminine outside and I don't have any problems getting male attention.
>>17281523
Seconding this. If you look feminine you'll get drowned in attention. Even if you straight up behave like a guy.
>>17281523
So how exactly do you act with guys? I want to know how to stop my anxiety.
My only friends are girls and i act very gender-neutral towards them.
I don't get any attention, because i look aloof, busy and not approachable all the time. Maybe i should simply get out more though.
>>17281523
This.
I'm a kinda cute girl with a tomboy-ish personality and I don't have any problems with guys.
They like dating someone who can be their best friend and their girlfriend.
>>17281541
I just act however I want, dude.
>>17281541
You stop thinking about it so hard? Just treat them like you would a female.
I'm also a masculine-minded type of girl. Some guys like it, some don't. That's the same for every attribute. Don't concern yourself with trying to attract people that you have to change yourself for, because you shouldn't have to change for anyone.
Guys (most, at least) want a girl who's feminine in the sense that she is sweet and nurturing. Being somewhat domestic (liking cooking, creating a place that really feels like home, stuff like that) doesn't hurt.
It's not about whether you avoid a difficult question or answer straight up. Some guys will be put off by swearing and crude humor, lots won't care, some will love it.
You are focusing on weird superficial things.
You sound pretty autistic
Every heard of "taming of the shrew"? Or "tsundere"? In any case I don't think there's anything wrong with being a tomboyish womanlet.
>>17281548
How exactly do you act #2
I've seen many tomboy girls, but their boyishness is mostly outside, and inside is compassion, tact, being sweet.
I feel like i don't have literally any stereotypically feminine personality traits, except being really bad at self-defense.
Getting hints feels unnatural to me, i am frustrated in how horrible i am in understanding, handling emotions and motives. Manipulating is also futile. Try to assert my superiority, compete with people too much.
Whenever you read topics "what do u want from grill here" it's mostly kindness, being sweet and care.
Whereas i have faux masculine tough personality and issues. I don't believe anyone will accept me.
Sigh, i act somewhat gender-neutral towards people, not sure if guys like that.
The root of my problem may lie in trying to control my public image, i'm not comfortable with tomboy behaviour, don't want people know that.
>>17281541
Date your friends
It's the obvious solution
We anime now
>>17281603
Anon, you need to accept that you will appeal to a niche of men. Do you really want some weakling shrimp who gets intimidated because you're not traditionally feminine? Because I certainly wouldn't. You're torturing yourself here by looking up what men on the internet want.
>>17281603
>Getting hints feels unnatural to me
Want to know a secret? Girls fucking suck at getting hints. Guys do, too, but girls as a rule are completely clueless when it comes to telling whether guys like them.
>it's mostly kindness, being sweet and care.
>Whereas i have faux masculine tough personality and issues.
I'm not really sure what that means. If you act like a nice person, not a dick, you're friendly and supportive and not mean or rude or demanding or unfair, that's more than sweet enough for most guys. Kindness is gender neutral. And the main quality that men look for in women is *loyalty*, probably even above kindness.
Given a feminine appearance, having a somewhat masculine, tomboyish personality would be a dealbreaker for very few guys, and an active fantasy for quite a few, so stop stressing about it.
>>17281597
I used to be so tsundere, guys at school thought i'm crazy. Not good.
>>17281609
I guess you are right.
The main issues then may be simply fear and insecurity. I want to be perceived as a normal girl, but it is dissatisfying never acting like i want.
>>17281604
Almost all introverted girls at my school were lesbian posers and it was weird, the town was small. Used to have a male oneitis to assert my heterosexuality, idk now. Girls are not sexually attractive to me, sadly.
And simply don't talk to guys enough now to fall for them.
>>17281653
>I want to be perceived as a normal girl
You are a normal girl, though? Unless you're some kind of mouth breathing, bearded lady type. I don't think your masculinity is as apparent as you think. You need to stop being so dissatisfied with how you are and accept that yes, this is how I am. How are other people going to accept it if you can't?
>>17281653
The guys are your highschool were homosexuals. Who doesn't want to fuck a shortstack? "Oh but she's kind of aggressive and likes making dick jokes so I don't want to suck on dem titties"- who thinks that?
I'm as big a tomboy as they come and I don't have any problems getting guys attention. Just as well because i can't fake it anyway.
>>17281603
Don't try to be a person you're not, it won't work - you're pretty much manipulating your partner to like a version of you which isn't realistic. It's just going to make both of you unhappy in the long term.
Be yourself, some will like you, some won't. You can't make everyone like you.
>How exactly do you act?
I am pretty introverted, I love spending time alone and I'm generally pretty aloof. I hate being at the centre of attention.
I tend to be very logic and reasonable about things. I can't "go with the flow", I totally can't small talk, I love being in control of the situation. I really love discussions.
I am very sarcastic and I love teasing people, I can be pretty mean I guess. I laugh about inappropriate shit. I can't filter my thoughts, I am very upfront.
I am caring and empathetic, but I don't feel pity and I hate people who bitch without doing shit about their problems.
When it comes to more superficial stuff - I'm the kind of person who gets ready in 20 minutes, don't wear much make up, dress modestly but (hopefully) nice. My hobbies and interests are mostly "masculine" ones. I like some generally feminine things, tho, like cooking and home decor.
>>17281632
Used to be very bad at expressing kindness, better now.
I guess, i constantly try to pull "i'm strong and awesome, crying is for pussies, getting help is for losers, don't you dare pity me or try to comfort, whiny bitches suck dick" and when i succeed it raises my spirits. It's a common mental issue among men, but i have had this mindset my whole life. Try to be more emotionally available and understanding, but it takes self-control and i show my true colors sometimes.
It's fucked up. I am a jerk who tries to look like she is not.
>>17281693
Thanks, anon, that's really relatable, you gave me hope.
The only difference is how i am not naturally empathetic and fuck up sometimes for this reason.
There is a certain line between "bee yourself" and "don't be a selfish dick", i cross it when i'm too tired to think or do not pay attention.
>>17281695
>>17281731
I can relate A LOT to the whole "I'm strong and awesome, crying is for pussies, getting help is for losers". I used to do it SO much - I couldn't even bring myself to tell my parents that I had to do some chemo till it was pretty fucking obvious because I went severely underweight and started losing hair.
I think that one thing that really made me a better human being was learning to ask for help and that it is fine to be weak, sometimes. My best friend, especially, insisted a lot on this with me. He often tells me that he'll always put up with my bullshit because I am so awesome that it is worth it.
Opening to others and showing them that I can be weak too made me be much more empathetic and caring. While I've always enjoyed helping others, learning to be helped made me much more nurturing.
>>17281566
Eh. Sometimes a person can be so hateable that they're forced to change their personality, if not to just get by without dealing with a load of bullshit from faggots.
source: i'm a hateable asshole of a person that had to soften up because people are delicate wittle flowers
>>17281768
If you're an asshole, that's a completely different story.
>>17281767
Life fixed this shit out of me as well, i realised i can't succeed alone.
Your best friend is an amazing person, anon.
So, you do some shit sometimes and don't get rejected, people really love you, oh god, that's heaven.
>>17281768
Op here, something similar.
I am afraid to accidentally slip into asshole mode and lose friends.
Thank you all, anons! That was greatly supportive.
My issue will be fixed if i find a guy not as shallow as my first lasting affection.
