I lost my father 2 years ago in January to Cancer. I was 18 at the time. It's cliche, and I didn't really understand the meaning of the cliche until he died, but he really was like superman. Any time I needed help with anything, I knew if I went to him everything would be okay. He was in the millitary for over 5 years, and taught me and my older brother lots, and was an amazing story teller.
I still haven't accepted losing him. I logically know everything, but its like no matter what I say to myself, I end up sitting the corner of my room on my laptop playing whatever I can to feed my escapist tendencies.
The littlest things make me throw a tantrum now. I used to be proud of myself as a disciplined man, who kept a cool head, and now even if it's something small like hearing the mention of the word father I freak out. Or if anybody is even slightly critical of me, I shut down.
I think I probably need to see some kind of psychologist or counselor, but I've always been very prideful, like my father was. I can't bring myself to ask for help or admit how much this is destroying me to anybody in person. I tried seeing a therapist once and I just basically sat there and made jokes the entire time because I couldn't talk about my feelings. Every time I tried to talk about my feelings it was like my throat closed in on itself.
Somebody help me. I don't know what I don't know, maybe there's an alternative or something. Please.
reply somebody damnit, there's a million dating threads a night.
hang out with your brother and talk to your brother about it if you can. Spending more time with your family and talking to them about your father if you're close enough is a great idea. A really-really-close-person-that-I-super-value's father died last year (to a disease I believe). and when they started spending more time with their brothers and cousins they started to get better, with conversations here and there.
>>17276702
Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately I don't really get along with my brother, and we've never connected the way most siblings seem to, so that doesn't seem like an option.
I've never really connected with any of my family.
Your situation is terrible and there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. When you're ready to talk, I hope someone will be there to listen. I know what it's like to be want to be self reliant and stouc. I've been through some shit and didn't start to feel better until I was able to talk about it. If you were in my area, I'd be willing to sit down and talk it out with you.
>>17276494
I lost my father back in March, and he too was a superhero for me. I couldn't even make it to the burial but when I sit to think about how great he was and how hard he worked for us then my eyes get all red and tears start to form around my eyes, like right now.
I think talking about how he was and remembering those special moments will help you get thru. I dont have any anger issues or freak out when someone mentions my father but I miss him. I do however want to be as great or greater than him for my future family
Hang in there anon
>>17276735
I'd like to add, if you don't have anyone to share about your dad's exploits then why not do so here? I'll keep checking this bread (lunch break right now, will check again on next break and after work)
>>17276726
I appreciate your input. I've pushed away pretty much any friends who were willing to listen to me. It was beat into my head early on that if I talked to people about my problems I was just being a selfish crybaby, so I'm starting to think I'm just fucked.
>>17276735
I'm sorry for your loss anon. God bless.
>>17276745
Sure. Thanks. He came to Canada when he was a teenager, and went on to join the Army. He was one of the few arabs, and faced a lot of difficulties with it. Especially when they did joint training with Americans.
He was an engineer for the millitary and he also trained people in marksmanship for multiple different weapons. He operated in pretty much every non-air vehicle the Canadian Millitary had, probably one of the coolest pictures I have of him is him in his tank.
Eventually he met my mom, and they married after only a couple dates. He stayed in the Army for a few years, but after he had my older brother, he stopped so that he could be with our family and got a job as a quality assurance manager.
He had some issues just like every person does, and there were times growing up where I hated him. He was insensitive, and him and my mother didn't have a great marriage after they had me. It led to a lot of complicated feelings. But even with all of that there, I never doubted that he would do anything for us.
He taught me to respect authority, but to always question it. He taught me to avoid violence, but to always stick up for myself and my friends. He taught me everything I really needed to learn growing up. He always wanted to share his love of cars with me, but I never really got into it.
There were so many times he wanted to teach me something and I just put it off so I could play video games. He'd always say "I'm not going to be around forever, and one day you'll need to know this" and I'd always just shrug it off, because I was stupid enough to assume he had lots of time ahead of him.
This is probably all over the place and incoherent, but it actually does feel kind of good to type it out.
Its a very traumatic experience to lose your father or father figure, I lost mine as a child to a heroin overdose, but all wounds will heal with time. Its only natural to grieve over someone you treasured. Just remember to confront it a little more every day, because slow progress is better than none. It will take years but eventually you will live a little more than ypu used to, just for him. My condolences to you man, I really hope things get better. Don't distract yourself too much, but remember to have hobbies and go out when you're feeling at your worst.
>>17276797
He sounds like he was a good guy.
Just like you said my father also had his issues, was also insensitive, stubborn and strict with family. However he had a weakness by trusting "friends" when in reality they simply wanted to take advantage of him.
My father's story is similar, he was born and grew up in Europe, but migrated to South America when he was 18, then started doing all sort of jobs. Worked at a bakery, then at a Volkswagen factory, worked as a miner, then started doing welding and all other related construction work. Eventually he started his own company, met my mom and had 3 children (me being the youngest ). His company grew and grew and grew. He passed away rich, but never did really enjoy all the riches he piled up. Also his passing was sudden, unlike cancer where you know more or less how long you have left.
I never had any issues with him, of course I'd rebel during my adolescent years but I didn't get to see him as much since I was in military school. I then moved to America to study English, then ended up in Japan. I didn't get to see or talk to him as much during the last few years but still missed him.
I do regret not learning what he had wanted to teach me. It sucks that you only figure these things out after you lose those important figures in our lives.
Sorry for the long post, back to op.
Did your father have any hobbies that he'd share with you?
What's your earliest memory of him
>>17277246
Thanks for sharing as well.
My earliest memory of my father is when I was probably 2 or 3. My aunt was babysitting me, and my dad came from work to pick me up. He said "did you miss me" and I said "no!" kind of like a joke I guess, I was just learning how to talk. He knew I didn't mean it, but I still remember the look on his face, It was one of the only times he looked vulnerable / sad. It was weird. How about yours?
>>17276996
Thanks for your input! I'm sorry to hear about your father.
>>17276709
>Unfortunately I don't really get along with my brother, and we've never connected the way most siblings seem to
Now, here's your chance. Don't let it slip. Value your family, your dad would glad if you take care of each other.
Sorry to hear about your dad mate , i lost mine to cancer when i was 21 and he was a good man and my best friend , all i can say is that you never get over the loss but you do get used to the loss , took me along time to even be able to talk about him without getting upset or angry , certain things that reminded me of him i would avoid but now i can without being upset and smile on his memory , your still grieving so go easy on yourself ok
>>17276494
>think I probably need to see some kind of psychologist or counselor,
Do it, it helped me cure my depression, though it was not easy. No one ever said you had to go alone.
