I'm 27. Two years ago, I started school again at a local community college part time because I work and can't afford to lose hours. Truth be told, I would rather be in school than than work. The first two semesters went really well, but then I just started losing it. I started losing to my depression. I wouldn't study, I would barely do homework, but I would still participate in class and do mostly well on tests. The semester had a rough end, but I passed.
The following semester, I just couldn't get my shit together. About 2/3rds through the semester, I just had a breakdown and stopped going, so I obviously failed my classes. I didn't even sign up for FAFSA because I wasn't planning on going back.
I told my family that I couldn't go because of scheduling conflicts with school and work, which isn't totally a lie, but now I'm getting hounded into going back. They say I should go full-time and live at school, but I am in no condition to go back.
I have no idea what to do, and I can't just tell them I'm a depressed wreck who can barely function.
You sound like what I will become in the future OP. I'm 20 and dealing with the same shit except I lived on campus and just felt trapped.
What I did was try to tell them what was wrong but they didn't believe me or the story I told them. I never talk to them about shit like feelings since I know how they'd react and I was extremely correct when it came to talking to them.
They have threatened to kick me out with nothing to my name and I honestly can't blame them.
Anyways if you think you can talk with your parents about and really share what's been happening with you I highly suggest that path. If they're crazy religious nuts who tell you you need god afterwards just don't bother. good luck OP!
>>17273260
I don't know if I could, to be honest. It's not something I'm comfortable with, and they have enough problems to deal with on their own. I'm not willing to dump my shit on them or anyone else for that matter.
>>17273481
Them being in the loop is probably a good idea. Unless they'll use what they learn to hurt you more.
Depression is pretty heavy baggage. Depending on how severe it is it can literally affect every decision you make. You have a decision to either continue carrying that weight or finding someone to help you. Vent your frustrations or you'll just burnout sooner or later.
>>17273514
I'm already burnt out. My first diagnosis was 20 years ago. At this point in my life, if someone waved a magic wand and removed my depression, I have no idea who would be standing in my place because it wouldn't be me. It would be some stranger I've never met before.
>>17273546
What caused your depression? For me it was racism+alienation and then isolation g my self while under the impression I couldn't be a "normal" person.
>>17273563
>Caused
Not everyone has a traumatic event.
Not everyone has a defining moment.
Some people are just broken.
>>17273611
Not too sure about that. Seems everything has a cause and effect. Especially if everyone goes through the same point in their lives.
>>17273645
There was nothing traumatic that happened. I was a very emotional child. I remember my mom saying I would break things, I would cry, I would get angry, and it wasn't just terrible 2s or 3s. Eventually, they took me to a child psychologist and it was diagnosed. Later as a preteen/teen, they thought I had ADD because I wasn't caring about school, I had no friends, ect (it was also the hot new thing), and the doctor said that it wasn't.
He couldn't know at first because I wouldn't talk. In fact, for months I wouldn't say a word while I was there because I didn't want to. Eventually I did start because I was tired of seeing my mom cry, not knowing what do do with me. I taught him how to play chess, and we would talk while we played. He determined that it wasn't ADD, and I guess he didn't know what he could do. That's when I went to a psychiatrist and went on anti-depressants, which caused me to gain a ton of weight when I was already fat, so they eventually stopped it all together. By that point, I just learned to hide and deal with it.
There is nothing traumatic in my past. I am simply a broken construct, and I always have been.
>>17273683
Not sure what you can do aside from what's already been said.
You could try traveling a change in environment helps. Maybe continue studying so that you're prepared to return when you have the time and feel that you're ready. Or take online courses. All in all you need something or someone to draw your attention from all the stress and depression.
>>17273734
I know. I'm sorry.
To this day, I can never understand how people say to just travel. Travelling requires time and money. Money comes from a job, which trades time for money. Having both the time and money needed to travel is impossible, especially when you need money to pay for living expenses.
I couldn't study while I was paying for school and attending class. Without the motivation of class, studying won't happen. I've tried. I've also tried online courses with great failure. They're not engaging in the least. If I'm not there, I'm school, nothing gets done. Even that isn't a guarantee now.
There is no someone in my life, and there never had been. Even when I had friends, I was always just sort of there. I was a novelty. I tried to engage them and do shit, but eventually the novelty wore off. I found a new group and joined their hobbies, but that group has also begun to fade.
My distractions are just that. I just latch on like a parasite and drain it until there is nothing enjoyable left.
>>17273121
It sounds like you would benefit from an SSRI and some cognitive behavioral therapy. Best treatment for depression, works for most people if they keep with it and follow the program. You have options man, and that is the best/easiest/most effective one.
how far are you from completing your associates or w/?
>>17273858
If I could afford that stuff, it would be an option. I'm also not sure I'd want to move through life as an emotionless robot. sSRIs don't fix depression; they make you feel nothing.
>>17273863
Pretty far. I'm roughly a quarter of the way because of part time. So, 2-3 years?
