why are you sad, anon?
>>17265404
i have a cold.
I'm bored
>>17265404
My wife was promoted to manager and now i am a stay at home dad. My kids are too young for meaningful conversation and i am lonely.
not sad, just really bored at work
>>17265404
I lost 2 vehicles my house and I'm stuck moving around with family because I got cheated out of a new vehicle title and have to get a paralegal now.
Set me back 6 months in my life.
>>17265404
Because I'm gay and I can't find the courage to just come out and be happy. I know my friends wouldn't care but I can't find the words when the time comes.
Also, general lack of motivation in life I suppose.
Broke up with my girlfriend because we have graduated and are going to different colleges. Did not date for very long, but sad that I will probably never see her again.
>>17265470
who says you need to come out to be happy? i was out for awhile but its more annoying then anything. even when people are accepting of you, they tend to be pretty annoying about it.
until you have someone to introduce them to, does it really matter? how will saying 'I PREFER MALE GENITTALIA!' make you any happier?
stay closeted til necessary i say. dont go out of your way to hide it, but until you meet the kind of guy you want to introduce them to, dont bother. its more fun that way too desu
Because I know that everything and everyone can move on without me just fine, but I can never let go of them.
>>17265490
you can. would. likely will. thats life.
I haven't talked to anyone in 3 weeks
>>17265610
Hello. I know it's not in person but what's on your mind?
I think I was very abusive to my ex-gf but I don't really remember being like that with her and it scares me.
I have a hard time connecting with people, and I have distanced myself from people who I greatly value because I am negligent when it comes to interpersonal relations
I am also pretty convinced it's difficult/tedious to be my friend or date me and I feel bad (but grateful) for people who try to stick it out
>>17265610
I know that feel
best friend left me for a gf and basically dropped off the face of earth. we haven't seen each other nor talked in 5 months
>>17265404
gf broke up with me and I'm horrendously in debt trying to cope with breakup
I lost my job, lost my health, the girl I'm in love with doesn't love me back and I have no friends. Everything is going just fucking fine.
dead dad
friends all left the country
can't enjoy anything
remaining family obnoxious or evil
can't get a job
can't drink because i'll get fat
no money
aside from that i'm fine
I don't have anyone IRL to hang out with or talk to, nor can't find a new job yet because I have to leave town for a week soon.
>>17265624
>>17265624
>>17265624
ARE YOU ME?
Jesus, we were at a bar and I got really really drunk.
I don't remember shit.
She told me I exposed her to my friends and said nobody loved her.
I mean, WTF? I don't remember shit and me doing that really really scares me.
I fucking like that girl and she deservers all the love in the world.
And the fact I have done that to her... And I don't even remember... Oh my god. I can't live with that. I wish I could disappear and all that I done too.
>>17265610
Not to be rude but that's not that bad, I had a period in my life that I hadn't talked to anyone for a year, with little conversations with anyone for around five years.
There's something deep inside me that makes me feel like I don't quite fit in with the ebb-and-flow of the world - I feel maligned to existence.
I wish it was autism, but it isn't.
Didn't get accepted into the university I wanted to go to.
I'll be condemned to another lonely and depressing year of community college.
Does anyone know how to make friends outside of school at age 19?
>>17265665
Uh oh. We got a pissing contest over here.
Yeah it's still fucking bad lol. "I guess 2 million people died, but that's not that bad because this one time 8 million died".
Now do you see, my underage friend?
My doctor said there's nothing left I can try to improve my chronic illness. I'm an unemployed leech on my parents at age 29. I was employed briefly but had to quit due to my health problems. I couldn't say why, because I don't want employers to know I'm disabled. It feels like a terrible burden to keep it a secret and suffer inside. I'm in physical pain all the time and have to hide it. I don't have enough energy to see or speak to my friends, so I watched them drift away until none were left. I've never had a boyfriend, which doesn't bother me that much, but my parents are desperate to pawn me off and remind me of it daily. My biggest joy and career aspiration was art. 2 years ago I injured my arm, so I can't do that much anymore despite the desire to. I don't know what will happen to me in the future. I feel guilty for letting this depress me when there are worse things. I just wanted to say it out loud once.
>>17265404
I hate my studies and don't know what I want to do anymore.
I feel like I'm bad at my work and nobody wants to have any sort of social interaction with me.
Loneliness.
Never finishes the projects that I start because I feel like it's not "the perfection" I seek.
Not sure if depression, lazy as fuck, or both: so can't bring myself to do what I should do.
And finally: fucking tired of everything. It's like nothing makes me happy anymore.
Help me please. I don't know what to do with my life anymore, and I'm tired to be so insecure. I'm sure anxiety/insecurity is the source of 80% of my problems but I just don't know what to do.
Wish i knew. It's just the way it has been since a long time.
>>17265404
Whenever I'm not going for a girl and just being friends, she wants me. I notice, get cold feet, and all the attraction leaves. Happened 6 times so far this year. When I go to a bar/club trying to get some, I end up talking to dudes and hearing their stories.
I'm moving back to the US in a few weeks, and I have no foreign sex experiences. I feel pressured to have one, cuz everyone around me is getting laid. I haven't in over a year, and I've been single in 4 years.
I'm debating whether to keep trying, or just get a pocket pussy and re-establish myself when I get back home. (Hands and porn got boring af. I'm only jerking it once every other week.) This and all my work/social stress, I am feeling close to a melt down.
So do I give up and get a 'onahole' or keep trying?
>>17265880
I'm feeling (felt?) similar myself. What works for me is tricking yourself into taking pride with what you do. Tell yourself that even if it's not the best ever, you still are the one who did it.
Hate to admit my old man was right by saying "the start of a productive day is making your bed." Not verbatim, but when you clean and tidy your house/apt daily (just a few minutes will do even) you start feeling like you did something productive, and that stuff builds on itself. Then you go on to doing your work, taking some pride in it, etc.
To be fair, my buddy asked me why I always keep a reasonably clean house. I tell him this, he says "ya. But why?" That's where the tricking yourself comes in. Don't ask why. Some days I dont gu e a fuck if I got dirty dishes out, old clothes on the floor, etc. But I pick em up. Why? Idk, just don't question it :)
>>17265925
I'll try it. Thanks anon.
>>17265404
I scratched the company 5-ton truck while reverse stall parking into the loading bay. I've been working there for a while now, but I'm still technically the "new guy" to the work family. I've parked that thing a million times already but today something was just off and I wasnt watching my passenger side mirror and i scratched the bottom side all along the fence. the truck just got a brand new black wrapping like 3 months ago, so i just feel like shit right now. :l
School sucks, have no friends
I'm scared I won't have enough money to provide a family.
Looking at my father, he always has money to spare, always can afford anything. I want to be like him as soon as possible. And I even have a prospective career, but it all seems too difficult and I'm scared I'll disappoint my future wife and family.
I'm surrounded by and mired in abusive relationships. My mom is a nut job. She inherited a ton of money and blew it all on expensive vacations and lavish home improvements, now she has to sell some of her land to survive and is acting like I put her in the poorhouse because she gave me some money to put a down payment on my house- which I didn't ask for or want, but accepted because I was desperate to not be homeless. My dad is dead and my only sane family lives very far away.
My significant other is an unemployed alcoholic. He spent a good two years torturing me and cheating on me then wrecked my car and nearly killed himself (pic related)... he had a "miraculous turnaround" after the accident but now the relationship just seems hollow even if he's not drinking nearly as bad as he used to. We never have sex because he crushed his pelvis in the wreck and it hurts him now (karma I guess). He just sits around playing video games and eating and complaining about his life. I've kicked him out a few times but he always finds a way back and I've given up trying to get rid of him.
My job fucking sucks. I work with this vicious cunt who treats everyone around her like shit- even our bosses - and gets away with it because she IS damn good at the job. But she makes life miserable for everyone around her, including me. I get anxiety attacks before every shift with her and though I've never called in sick it gets more and more tempting every day.
My friends have all moved away and/or moved on. Every time I make new friends my significant other gets drunk and acts a fool around them so I never get invited anywhere.
I'm fucking lonely and I'm just working this shit job until I die.
That's why I'm sad, /adv/.
>>17266019
>>17266019
Why don't you leave your boyfriend?
I cannot seem to fix a silly argument with my boyfriend. We have different opinions and I'm okay with not forcing mine onto him, but he isn't okay with me having a different opinion.
>>17266019
How old are you?
I received an Other Than Honorable discharge from the military.
Nobody in my family knows this, and whenever my service comes up I try to move the conversation to something else. Nobody except the men I served with knows this. I am living a lie and am unable to come out to my family because I see how proud they are of me and I am ashamed
>>17266101
What are you guys arguing about?
Parents and younger siblings are on vacation for two weeks out of the country. I stayed home because I genuinely didn't want to go. It's been three days since I've spoken to another person. I've communicated with my family but just through text. Yesterday I woke up at 8AM and was on Netflix and 4chan until 10AM this morning. I just woke up and it's 7PM. God, this is so depressing. I hate coming home for the summer.
>>17266120
Have some fun, smoke some weed in the house or some shit
>>17266120
do you need people to talk to?
>>17266130
I'd love to just hotbox my room right now. Thing is, I don't have any friends in this town so I wouldn't know where to get the weed from.
i want sex with an attractive woman but am unwilling to pay the price
>>17266139
Find a mexican or blaxk person or just a young looking person of any raxe
i'm in love with my brothers girlfriend
>>17266114
He makes comments like asking if potential employers are female and hot (picture related, it becomes annoying), on other occasions he'd mention that some girl is hot when it has no relevance for the story he's telling.
To me it feels like someone burped in my face and expects me to think it's funny. It's not something terrible but the first thought that pops in my head is "why is he doing that?"
I've tried to explain that I've never seen that as a part of a relationship, that TO ME it's showing no common courtesy, but I'm okay with him not seeing it that way and thus not adapting to me. But it's still not enough it seems.
>Read 6/6/16
>>17266139
What city are you in?
>>17266171
Madison, WI
>>17266139
Same anon >>17266171
Haha if I was home alone for 2 weeks I would smoke so much inside.
>>17265404
Getting my PhD from an Ivy League in history but they have told me basically do not even bother applying for an academic job, they have only placed 2 people in the past 5 graduating classes and both were native and fluent Chinese.
I have a 10 month old girl and another on the way, I thought I would be a professor and make decent money. I do not know what the future holds now. I just pray an Ivy League doctorate will get me some decent job. Also just sad to see so much effort end up in poof and have to start again. I feel lied to.
.... Career restart = sadness
>>17266174
Ahh shit I wish I could help, but i'm down in sunny Miami, FL
>>17265404
3 weeks ago my girlfriend and I called it quits after 10/3 years. She just didn't want to put in the effort anymore (emotionally or physically) after 1.5 years of long distance. Other than the effort, she was literally perfect. Now I am in a new town with a new job and no friends.
>>17266186
Shit man that is sad, why couldn't you guys be close?
>>17266186
I do have friends, but none in the area I should say. I talk on TS3 with my old roomies daily.
>>17266187
I was in grad school (1.5 hours away from her). It was fine at first until she stopped trying. I literally couldn't find a job near her (I even got an offer in that city but it was frozen for 3 months so I took another job).
>>17266191
Why did she give up trying man?
>>17266200
She doesn't really know what she wants in life (and hasn't for a year). She says without school and such she doesn't feel like she has clear direction. And can't figure that out and be in a relationship.
>>17266191
That stinks 1.5 hours isnt even much.
Someone I know just got a job across country from his girlfriend who is still in grad school. I suspect they will have a hard time.
>>17266204
Fuck man that sucks, do you think you guys can hook back up in the future?
>>17266209
Yeah. When someone starts a job, their lives change significantly. I've always heard that.
>>17266210
I don't know. It was a super civil breakup so possibly. But I'm certainly not counting on it cause that's not healthy.
>>17266215
Damn bro hopefully you can find someone else that you can share love with, I sure hope I can find the same.
>>17266224
We will anon. One day soon hopefully.
>>17266227
hopefully, you got steam by any chance anon?
My girlfriend has chronic kidney disease and is going through kidney failure. We've been together for over 3 years and these last 6 months of her going through kidney failure have been hard as fuck. She's lost over 40 pounds, is pretty confused most of the time, and has been on dialysis and it'll be at least a couple more months until she gets a kidney transplant. I feel like an asshole but I just don't see her as the same person anymore. Even once she gets her transplant, it's in the back of my mind that this person that I love will have constant health issues the rest of her life and I don't think it's something I can deal with. I didn't realize what I was getting myself into when we started dating as she hasn't had any issues up until this point.
At the same time I feel like I need to be there for her through this tough time and I could not leave her at this lowest point in her life, it's dragging me down and I'm depressed as fuck most of the time. I feel selfish for feeling this way while she's going through so much more, but I can't help it.
I'm trying to make a series, and I'm going to take a stab at writing the screenplay soon. Even though I truly want to see this project through (it's just me working on it), I feel uninspired and lack confidence in myself to actually write the spec script to completion. I'm worried about maybe not being able to translate any of my thoughts properly, or maybe I don't have this one character down.
Then I look for things I could do to take my mind off it, and I don't feel like doing anything else but writing this script. Thus, I'm stuck at an impasse since I don't feel I can do it at this time, yet I want nothing more but to do it.
>>17266231
After the transplant won't she be good?
>>17266231
That's rough. I am sorry anon. I don't think it's selfish, but I don't think I'd break up with her in that situation.
>>17266243
Every 15 years she'll have to get another transplant, it's not even guaranteed to last that long either, there's some people that have a transplant for a couple years and then their kidney will fail.
>>17265404
That inner darkness is creeping closer daily... :(
>>17266245
It's just nice to be able to type out how I feel, I'm not going to leave her while she's going through this, but I have a lot to think about over these next few months on what I want for my future.
>>17266254
Fuck man that is so rough, I don't think you are selfish. Do you really really love this girl? It's gonna be a hard decision.
Look into something called chanca piedra it is a medicine that is very very good for the kidneys, this has helped a lot of people mane.
>>17266258
What's happening?
>>17266263
Yeah, I here ya. Even if in the end you two break up, I think based on the situation you could be good friends (if you're into that) because you're sticking with her.
>>17266258
what's up anon?
>>17266267
Chanca piedra or the stone breaker
For kidney stones
>>17266280
Yes, but I have heard that it has helped people with other kidney problems.
>>17266272
Yea trynna ask him the same.
Despite my many "friends", I still can't make a meaningful connections with other human beings.
>>17266306
hope he/she talks....
>>17266316
THISTHISTHIS, I feel you anon. People back stab a lot and are not loyal.
>>17266325
Mhmm I really like talking to people on here, and giving /adv/ice and receiving as well.
Because I have a 2 inch dick. Some women find me attractive and have approached me, but I'm forced to Push them away by being standoffish Out of fear of embarrassment. Having a 2 inch dick is like not having a dick at all. "There's no point in living without a dick"
-Donnie Darko
>>17266267
She's definitely different than every other girl I've been with. She's totally unselfish and would absolutely anything for me. I'll check it out, but knowing her medical history, I'm more just hoping there'd be a breakthrough in healthcare to where they could streamline 3D printing a kidney or some shit.
>>17266269
That's something I hadn't thought much of. I doubt she'd want to stay friends as I know she wants to marry me. I would be for it if she was.
>>17266331
Is this real?
>>17266340
Yea man, but girls like that don't come around often, if you love her and are attracted to her you should consider sticking with her.
>>17266331
suddenly my 4 ich dick doesn't seem that bad
>>17266340
You never know if she'd want to be friends if you never bring it up, but >>17266347 is right if you feel that way about her.
Either way, you are just venting right now and that's healthy.
>>17266341
Yes, and I'm open to any and all thoughts.
>>17266362
Yup it is. But like I said I think he should stick along for a few more years or forever. If he was in the same situation as her he wouldn't like being left. But he does have his reasons and I can respect and understand.
>>17266364
Get handsy, I have a small dick and do a lot of foreplay.
>>17266364
I met a man and stayed w him and had 2 kids bc he had a really big uncut dick.
In retrospect that isnt the right thing to be attracted to but it all turned out well.
But I know there ARE women who dont care and surprisingly after having kids I find it harder to take a big dick and if I could do it over I would have taken that into consideration. If your pussy is tight or small it can be uncomfortable.
Because I'va spent my entire summer alone playing vydia and watching movies. I have no real friend and nobody talks to me. The only social interaction that I have had in the last 2 months was a little chitchat with a cute (underaged) girl that recognized me from japanese class. I think she finds my autistic mannerisms to be a little cute. Maybe thats the only reason I haven't killed myself.
>>17266368
Same.
>>17266387
Mhmm
>>17265404
I may or may not have white funghi in my upper lungs. I have them in my balls, just discovered them, and probably in my stomach. Doc has no idea of what I have after 8 months of tests from both public and private docs and every time I cough it tastes like blood comes from the upper lungs but nothing can be seen from the outside nor in blood tests or x rays.
It's not sexual though. That's for sure. I came to /adv/ to make a thread about it but it's not really a big question so I may as well derail this thread a bit since you asked. How the hell do I know if I have candida in my lungs or anywhere else?
>>17266347
Yeah it's a tough call. There's other things that come to mind too. She will probably never be able to hold a steady decent paying job, she has tried and tried to get through college, but failed out of the program she was in. While I will be done with my program about a year from now and I see it being hard being the one to mainly support us both even if she can get disability while having these issues and can work as a CNA when she's feeling better.
>>17266362
That's true, I've been bad at communicating with her lately because she has been more emotional and I really don't want to bring on any more stress in her life, but if its how I feel when she's doing better then I'll have that talk with her.
>>17266368
If we were in the opposite situations and I was the one having these health issues I know she would still want to be with me. I do love her more than anything, I think it's just been hard lately for me to remember the good times of the relationship because the last 6 months I can't really remember any good times. She's been in and out of the hospital and I stay with her there when I can and when she's not in the hospital she sleeps most days and can't go too far from home/do much because she gets tired easily.
>>17266435
Is she fat? Also mate, I think that it would be hard advancing in life with her. Especially if she can't land a job or anything. I said that it would be a good idea to think about staying, but now that I think of it, it would be hard to have kids, and live a normal life.
>>17266465
Nope, she's too skinny at this point, she's lost a lot of weight over the past few months from being sick, but that's not her fault obviously. Yep, for having kids we would basically have to adopt which is something I'm on the fence about, I'd rather have my own kids. I love her so much, but there just reaches a point with all the complications I see happening in our future together that it's gonna be a fuckton of stress that I don't know if I can deal with.
>>17266490
She can't birth? And damn man from the sounds of it your going to have to move on. Your opportunities to have a family and shit are gone with her.
>>17266496
Yeah, it's tough and something I should have thought more about when I first got in a relationship with someone with a chronic disease. I didn't know much about it when I met her and have just slowly learned more and more over time. Well anyways that's my vent for the night. Feels good to just get my thoughts in writing and have people willing to listen, I definitely appreciate that.
Im at a party and everyone is just having fun, no one is talking to me. Im drunk and I just want someone who loves me
>>17266524
No problem man, I appreciate you telling me everything bro. You will know what to decide.
And ill leave you with my Steam if you ever wanna chat, or play.
>>17265404
every girl i meet eventually blows me off in favor of some trashbag
really makes me think im going to live and die alone
>>17265482
But how can I meet another gay guy without coming out in the first place?
How can someone know you're gay without you telling them?
>>17266542
Assuming there's no possible way that YOU could be the reason, you should really be okay with them getting with trashbags.
People who willingly choose to be with shitty people usually deserve it. Sucks for them but you'll be A-Okay.
Im away from home, shit hit the fan, mom went crazy, dads in prison for 8, little bro on the street bussin and the only thing any of us can relate to is money, we aren't changing anything and my whole sense of family has been shattered, when i feel alone i feel guilty like some kind of traitor, when i try to help the only physical thing i can offer is money. And it never changes anything just leaves me broke and everyone seems a little more hopeless and lost
Everything I do is pointless and it's become consuming.
>>17266589
Is your family just a bunch of criminals?
>>17266605
yea man, i decided to go into the military its been a long trip
>>17266541
Thanks man, it means a lot. I'm not on my computer so I can't add you right now, but I will when I can in a day or two. I don't play too many games these days, but it'd be great just to have someone outside of the situation to chat with and I'm pretty good at giving advice for other people too so there's that as well.
>>17266621
Awesome man! I would love that! It's great talking to someone and giving advice. We all need someone that we can talk too.
>>17266605
Woah that isn't good. At least your on a right path.
>>17266631
OOPS wrong quote >>17266616
I dress up as a orange and invade schools while yelling " ORANGE YOU GLAD YOURE KIDNAPPED!"
>>17265610
Sup nigger
>>17265470
>2016
>not comming out
>>17266631
>>17266637
yea well I'm at a point where my own success isn't satisfying i just want to get my brothers out of that kind of hell but its hard to give everything up for a sibling when you know its up to them shits twisted you know the last circle of hell is for traitors in dantes inferno i just don't wanna see them drop like flies because i know that blood would reach my hands
>>17265404
I don't have any friends because i'm an unattractive introvert. In the past I've managed to make friends at a slow pace but there is something or some flaw about my personality that drives people away. I just want to know whats wrong with me but I can't figure it out.
My gut feeling is that I'm not meant to be alive. Fuck, what am I even meant to do?
because i miss having people and friends to talk to regularly. and because im still adjusting to how my boyfriend shows affection.
Dont know if the girl I truly love will stay with me......
Just told the most amazing girl that I like her and all she said was that she's flattered
I don't have many friends. Spent a year at what was supposed to be my dream college and got raped my second year. Graduated in 2014, took a year off, then college, now I transferred and no credits are transferring with me.
I feel like a slut and I also weigh 300 pounds now and am getting a gastric bypass because I need surgical help to lose the weight. Gained 50 lbs since my rape and I hate myself everyday.
>>17266967
semester***
I've been exploring music, trying to find cool new stuff, and going through my old songs I ended up listening to ones that bring up bad memories and sad feels. Now I'm sad.
>live in poverty with seemingly no way out
>shit job, get bullied everyday
>family resents me for being poor
>no friends or partner for social interaction
>job hunting isn't going well at all
>anxiety disorder, can't afford therapy
>too much of a pussy to commit suicide
The one thing I have going for me is that I look happy when I'm out in public.
>>17265404
Thank you for asking Piccolo. I am constantly thinking of all of the stupid choices I've made in life, not in a depressive I want to cry/die kind of way, more of a constant reminder or popup that I can only minimize or put behind other thoughts.
Because I'm trapped by my own incompetence. I hate myself so much, and I'm too much of a coward to jump off the bridge.
>>17267011
Oh also, I made horrible decisions in my love life, made those I'm closest to feel horrible, which causes me to feel like the best course of action is to stay alone until I can learn not to hate myself that way I don't cause those problems again and can actually love again.
>stuck in small town with no work, no one my age, and no entertainment outside of little countryside dive bars for 60+ miles
>bachelor of arts, so no hard skills
>enormous college debt looming over me
>27 years old with no "real" work experience
>living with parents, who are hoarders
>room is the only place I can have some open space and breathing room since I keep them out
>they constantly deride me for being a slacker and wasting my life
>can't move due to lack of work, lack of money, and depression
>slew of dental problems now surfacing, but can't afford insurance or treatment so eating causes me tremendous pain
>I'll probably lose a bunch of teeth if I can ever afford treatment
>extremely bad back that goes out any time I try to exercise or start a new job, causing me to lose the job
>declared dependent on my parents' taxes, so I can't get food stamps, medicare, welfare, or anything, really
>eat nothing but noodles and PB&J for lack of money
>sold all the things of worth to me except for my computer to afford basic necessities
>crippling depression and anxiety coupled with low self-worth
>most people can't stand being around me because of my unending negativity from years of this, so I have no friends now
>can't afford my medication anymore so my depression has me comatose most of the time
>sleep the majority of the time, or lie in bed staring at the wall
>rarely eat because it hurts to do so
>have uncontrollable crying fits throughout the day
>>17266169
fuck that's the last time I texted with her
>>17265404
Because nothing will ever meet my ideals and wants, I will never attain this idea of what and how I should live. That all my actions from the past have destroyed and hope of meeting my ideal and that I will never get over or pass this idea of what my life should be. My future is looking bleak and every day I wake up hoping and trying to create oppurtunities or get something good to happen and then every night I go to bed dissapointed and hoping I never wake up.
>>17265404
Family found me before the helium mask could finish its job.
My life was pretty god-tier (no debt, popular, attractive, big cock, several FWBs, etc) until one girl gave me an STD.
All things considered, I still have a TON going for me but this new permanent flaw is weighing me down a lot more than it should. It's super cool when my brain tells me "You deserve this"
I spent my entire childhood and teenage years alone.
Now, i'm older, I got a trade and am working on a pretty good career.
I want to move to somewhere specific and am currently on the way there.
I have been slowly working on overcoming how anxious I get when in public, and made some real progress.
New job, new home, new mindset.
All of a sudden now, i find out I may have HIV from god knows where, and I have developed subtype 1 + 2 rosacea which is having a field day on my face.
Suddenly,
a career and where I live doesn't matter. And I can't bring myself around to being seen.
The idea was to settle down and meet new people.
I just want to disappear at the moment,
To embarrassed of how red and fucked my face is now. And I ain't got all that much of a lifespan.
Normally I would have said "It's just another test, it'll get better.".
No. No it wont. Life never gets better. Ever.
I feel as if I've become cold since puberty, as if the fire inside died out in those days. I exist, have existed, but I haven't been alive. My father died of cancer last year and I was cold and devoid of emotion. My grandmother died last week and I am cold and devoid of emotion. I want to feel the sadness that I ought, but it doesn't come.
I thought I disliked other people, "they don't like me so why should I them?" Thus I shoved off and away from the island of humanity and social interaction into the vast seas of nothingness beyond. Out here in the ocean I drift aimlessly going where ever the waves decide to take me. After spending lonely years out here I feel as if I wish to return to that strange and terrifying island, but there is no wind with which to propell me and no map with which I can follow.
I want to live, breathe, I want to be a part of the human race, yet everything I touch seems to turn to stone instead.
The movie Lost In Translation does a good job of it; with both characters' emotions, except the part where they find meaningful interaction, I don't experience that.
>>17267578
What STD?
>>17265404
Because material possessions have zero value to me yet I can't find anyone who would love me.
All of my life I thought you had to have a gregarious amount of money for a girlfriend. I finally landed a job at one of the FCH Enterprises branches that pays $10.25/hr for part time as I am a college student that lives at parent's home. Even with taxes, I still earn about $500 biweekly, so I have a lot in my bank account. However, no girl seems to like me. I'm a very nice and respectful guy with a lot of money, so why don't girls want to be with me? Girls always want money, and I'm giving them a chance to use my bank account, so why won't they go out with me? Is it because of my 4/10 looks? I thought looks didn't matter to women as long as you have money. I'm very lonely now and have been eating out at places like Ruth's Chris, Wolfgang, Mortons, etc. alone and all I want is a girl of any size, race, and beauty to be with me. Any advice? Suffering from severe depression.
>>17267794
Genital Herpes HSV2. I don't have any symptoms and the daily meds I take reduce the odds of spreading to a super tiny percent but it's got a disproportionate negative stigma. All of my FWBs (minus one) cut ties with me completely when I disclosed.
>>17267803
>Girls always want money
First of all, False. Second, $10/hr isn't a lot. Third, you might get better results if you view women as complex human being like yourself and not as something you can buy or win over with looks alone. Fourth, you're doing a poor job presenting yourself as a person of high status. Fifth, you'd be surprised how miserable you can get when you finally get a GF.
Keep working on improving yourself and moving out of your parent's place.
I'm going to have to end my relationship.
