What's the best substitute to being loved?
alocohol
loving
>>17262713
Wrong
>>17262705
loving yourself.
the death
>>17262716
I'm a pile of fucking garbage, if there's one thing I refuse to reduce myself to, it's the delusional tumblr bullshit.
>>17262709
I live with family and drive to work, so I can't drink as much as I'd like. Otherwise it'd be fine.
>>17262705
Loving an objective sort of thing. Like loving a sport/hobby/job/shit like that
Nobody loves me (so far as I know) but I get lost in my awesome-ass job so I don't think about it
>>17262723
>its delusional to love yourself
if you cant love yourself how can anyone else?
and im not suggesting you just automatically love yourself for what you are.
but think of other people you loved, romantically, platonically, like a brother, as your father, etc. etc.
think about how simple they are. you dont have to be a 6 foot tall alpha chad graduating form harvard on scholarship with six girlfriends and abs to love yourself.
become the kind of person you would like to have as a friend.
but it sounds to me like you just made this thread to whine more than anything.
>>17262705
Drugs, alcohol and loose women.
>>17262733
>if you cant love yourself how can anyone else?
This does become an issue when you actually engage in something
>become the kind of person you would like to have as a friend
This only works if you're a normal person who has friends and loves life
>>17262726
Someone who thinks they kick ass at their job and engages in hobbies frequently here. This doesn't work
>>17262733
I'm an autistic gay tranny who looks like a fucking ostrich and couldn't get to college. There is a limit of how much anyone is willing to put up with.
How do you muster sufficient energy to be a decent friend?
>>17262743
>this only works if you are a normal person who has friends and loves life
wrong. i said become, not became. if you were a normal person who has friends and loves life, you wouldnt be here asking for advice.
there are plenty of weirdos out there who are good as friends, i like to think i am among them.
learn to love life by doing things you love. learn to love yourself by being someone worthy of love. it certainly takes time. a few years ago i felt like you.
normie =/= happy.
>>17262746
>im an autistic gay tranny who looks like a fucking ostrich and couldnt get into college.
many autistic peopel love themselves. many gay guys love themselves. many trannys love themselves. many ugly people love htemselves. many people never went to college and still love themselves.
>there is a limit to how much anyone is willing to put up wiht
the question is what are you willing to put up with? that being siad, whats wrong with being a gay tranny? why not hang out iwth other gays and other trannys and other gay trannys?
>how do you muster sufficient energy to be a decent friend
by choosing my friends wisely and establishing a relationship i can maintain. i like my alone time, and have 'different' ideas about male bonding.
im still learning of course. im realizing i invested time in people i shouldnt have, and was bad to people who think the world of me. im trying to make things right by those people.
if you want to love yourself, and maybe one day be loved, its a long road. most people dont know they're on it. some people never get on it. but you know what you want, and you know what you need to do.
validate what is positive about you.
accept what you cannot change
fix what you can.
>>17262705
>What's the best substitute to being loved?
dank memes and laser beams
>>17262723
If you don't start cultivating love for yourself, you won't care enough to improve.
>>17262768
>why not hang out iwth other gays and other trannys and other gay trannys?
Because I couldn't get into college and can't afford to move into anywhere big enough to have gays.
My friends already chose me, they have their own problems and I don't have what it takes to make them help themselves.
how do you find anything positive?
>>17262778
>and laser beams
made me lol tbqh fampai
>>17262782
the world is filled with positivity if you dont live in a third world country. you are on 4chan so guess what, you have plenty to be happy about.
you remind me of my father quite a bit. he whined about the food on my brothers wedding day. he whiend about how the bride was taking too long to get ready.
it was basically a family reunion in a beautiful place and he was mad that it wasnt getting over with fast enough. he'll complain at every restaurant we eat at. it will ruin the entire experience for him.
maybe i find something positive cuz i look for something positive. i used to post about that being a good psychological way to condition yourself to appreciate life more.
Alcohol.
>>17262782
>>17262793
i think i would have to go with the 'i look for positivity'.
that would be my final answer. cuz ultimately if you dont want to be happy, dont want to love yourself, dont want to improve, you're not going to make yourself do it.
and you clearly dont. otherwise your first instinct wouldnt be
>ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO CHANGE CUZ IM NOT ALREADY LIKE THAT
your right hand
Alcohol or fulfilment from a good job/hobby/interest ect
Alcohol works.
>>17262733
What do you do if you love yourself and think you're pretty great but no one else seems to feel the same?
>>17262793
I'm sorry to be nasty again, but if I shoot you in the leg, will you just be delighted that you still have one functioning leg?
Knowing that I have it much better than all those starving kids in african aids rape brothels with worms in their eyes doesn't make me happy.
Knowing I have it so much better than anyone else only makes me more ashamed to be alive.
Should I kill myself? Would someone more grateful and worthy take my place?
>>17262716
Thread.
>>17262815
first id ask you if literally no one actually feels the same. maybe you met someone and didnt like them, but they liked you. maybe you havent put yourself with your 'peers'. put a redneck in a private UK boys college, and everyone might think him an asshole. put him in a wal mart parking lot and they might say hes the nicest guy in the entire fucking town. vice versa too.
after that id ask you to thikn about what is is that turns people off. can you cahnge it? can you fix it? would doing so make you sad? and if not, can you find a way to be happy wiht it?
the truth is if you are really happy with yourself you wont ever be miserable, depressed, etc. dont get me wrong ive had days hwere im lonely and that sucks, but since learning to love myself ive had long periods of alone time and i dont fall into the depression i did before.
there will always be struggles in life, there will always be things that make you sad, and lonely nights where you wish you had a friend. no matter where you are in life, this will happen, best case scenario. but that doesnt mean those moments define you, your happiness, or your fulfillment.
but i think if you dont think yuo need to change, you arent being honest with yourself. we all have things wed like to change. some superficial. some deeper.
my boss likes to say 'perfection is the death of spirituality'. which basically just means that theres always something to improve.
hope that helps, but if you get more specific wiht your life i can try to be more specific.
>>17262768
>learn to love life by doing things you love
The things I love are all individual activities
>learn to love yourself by being someone worthy of love
What do you need to do to be worthy of love? My family tells me I'm living the good life with all the cool shit I do, and yet here I am. You'll die before finding a weirdo who can be a good friend, or any good friends by being who you want to be if it's weird.
normie === happy
If you're a normie and you're unhappy/depressed you're not a normie
>>17262822
a few months ago i was diagnosed with MdDS, which is essentially a minor form of brain damage. it made my life kind of a hell. i needed head support, i could only eat half a cup of greenbeans without getting sick, i couldnt remember how to do something like type my password. it was like being retarded, and i essentially was. many people recover. some takes months, some take years, some never do. it is a disability, so my parents were making preperation for me to move back in with them. they offered to invest in 3d animation software and technology so i could continue my pursuits of filmmaking from the basement of a very fancy house where id essentially be taken care of for the rest of my life.
as far as disabilities go, i was handed what you might call a 'win'. but in dealing with the brain damage i realized thats not what i wanted. i knew that i wouldnt go back if i could help it. even if it meant leaving my great cushy job and working something more menial and annoying but still 'possible' for someone with my condition. i knew id rather keep trying to live my life the way i like it, with the struggles as opposed to just 'retire' somewhat comfortably.
to put it simply, i was 'delighted' that i was still functional enough to maybe support myself.
i am lucky enough not to have been shot in the leg. you are lucky enough as well. i dont know how id react, but i imagine id react a lot like i did with my brain damage. greatful that bullet didnt do worse. many people lose a leg, or even get in a wheelchair and still manage to be happy in life.
sure its always there, and always bugs you. but it doesnt make life itself invalid.
>Knowing that I have it much better than all those starving kids in african aids rape brothels with worms in their eyes doesn't make me happy.
then maybe you should go there and experience it first hand. still see if you feel so 'nasty'.
>sorry to be nasty again
no you are not.
>>17262851
>>17262822
ultimately it all comes down to this
>people who have been shot in the leg
>starving kids in africa
>people with brain damage
>and many many more
all manage to find reasons to be happy and enjoy their lives, or at the very least fight for it.
do you lack something they do, or do you simply not want to be happy? many people define themselves by their 'depression'.
4chan is a lot like tumblr. they have contests to see who is the most opressed. we have contests to see who is the most depressed.
you want to be depressed because it makes you special. if you could literally never find a way to enjoy life or even like yourself, then you are the most tragic person in the world and everyone should feel bad for you, but they dont even know so it makes it even better.
consider not being that person.
i laid out your only real option right here
>become the kind of person you would want to be friends with
you can. you know you can. you know life isnt as bad as you like to pretend it is. you have the choice right now to say you are goign to improve. to pull out a pen and paper and start listing what you do like, what you dont like, and how to make it work.
but if your answer to this is anyhting other then
>yes, i want to try and change
then there is nothing anyone can do to help you and you should just delete the thread, its on the wrong board anyways. cuz when you say you dont even like yourself, there is literally no other advice to give other than fixing that.
good luck anon.
>>17262851
I donate money to them.
I hate myself because I am not worthy of love. I know I am not worth loving because I am not being loved.
Congratulations on being inspirational with your handicap, I guess.
>>17262859
>become the kind of person you would want to be friends with
I want a loving, caring boyfriend who is able to regularly express he cares.
I would be perfectly capable of being that if it was an option.
How do I make it an option?
>>17262862
You'll only care enough to improve if you love yourself. We don't help people we don't love everyday. If you do, other people will love you.
>>17262859
>fallacy of relative privation
>>17262862
>i guess
dont say nice things to be mean. like 'im sorry for being nasty' or 'congratulations - I guess'.
>i donate money to them
literally nothing to do with what i said.
>i know i am not worth loving because i am not being loved.
we established this so im a copy paste:
>become the kind of person you would want to be friends with
you can. you know you can. you know life isnt as bad as you like to pretend it is. you have the choice right now to say you are goign to improve. to pull out a pen and paper and start listing what you do like, what you dont like, and how to make it work.
but if your answer to this is anyhting other then
>yes, i want to try and change
then there is nothing anyone can do to help you and you should just delete the thread, its on the wrong board anyways. cuz when you say you dont even like yourself, there is literally no other advice to give other than fixing that.
good luck anon.
>>17262872
In that case it's probably for the best to just euthanise myself.
Love can be trained like a skill.
>>17262871
>i would change if i could
are you suggesting that you are 100% who you are, never changed itno who you were and could never change? youve literally never had a growing moment? you've literally never changed a habit, apologized, nothing?
its already an option. get a pen and paper and think about what you like and what you dont like about yourself.
for those you can change without hurting your sense of self, change htem. for those you can't, try to validate them. and for those you can, change.
its a long growing process. its not a 1 2 3 step.
decide what you want to do with life and go for it. you'll never be perfect. im far from it. but im happy and i get even happier when i do learn a lesson.
>>17262875
it would be if i dismissed his concerns out right, but i am not. I am not saying that OP isnt allowed to be sad, or that he should never be.
i am simply saying that if other people CAN find happiness, and he cannot find something that makes him different from said people, then he too can find happiness.
if you want to play the 'fallacy' game, go pick on OP, he gets off on it.
>>17262881
that person is wrong, and also not me.
you may not love yourself now, but you can change, you can learn to love yourself.
you can care to improve if you WANT to love yourself. thats all you need.
i did NOT love myself 3 years ago. but i wanted to love myself, so i worked at it.
that person has it wrong.
>>17262888
1. I like most things about myself.
2. I dislike not being more universally loved and desires.
I want a boyfriend.
>>17262900
>i like most things about myself
like, or love? you didnt answer the question of 'do you love yourself?'. do you truly? would you date you? would you love you? are you excited for alone time?
>i dislike not being more universally loved and desires
>more universally
>universally
then perhaps this is what you dont like, that you crave this kind of attention from the random masses. perhaps focus on cultivating stronger more intimate relationships with fewer people instead of trying to be an attention whore.
dont get me wrong, i get these thoughts too. we all do. wed love for everyone to love us. but it often clashes with what we actually love about us. at the end of the day the best you can do is make people love a robot that looks like you. so why not work on erasing this mindset of 'EVERYONE MUST LOVE ME
>i want a boyfriend
thats great and all, but you need to stop whining about it. its not that you want a boyfriend cuz if its one thing you made clear in this thread, its that you are obsessed with your little fairytale romance. you are holding all potential suitors up to an imaginary standard for a vague idea in your mind of what youd like life to be like. worse, its broad strokes. you dont think about what those little moments are actually like: life as it currently is.
>>17262900
also maybe actually take the advice and contemplate life instead of fast forwarding it and going
>kk, i luv me, why dont i have a boyfriend now?
>>17262909
I don't really even understand this whole concept of loving yourself. You can't love yourself any more than you can tickle yourself. You know it's you, you know it's fake, so it doesn't work.
>>17262705
>What's the best substitute to being loved?
>substitute
addictions dont get solved by substituting but abstinence. if you dont want emotional entanglement you got 2 options 1.kill yourself or 2. dont care anymore
>>17262921
>i dont really even understand this whole concept of loving yourself
>SO IT MUST BE FAKE
come back when you've grown a little. good luck
>>17262946
I do want emotional tanglement, it just wants nothing to do with me.
>>17262959
>instead of explaining how I'm wrong and how to be right instead, lemme be a condescending cunt and announce an advice seeker on /adv/ as a lost cause
Great tactic.
>>17262970
but anon, i already explained it to you 12 times. its not my job to little to you whine.
also you've literally done that across 45 posts and a full hour, dont be a hypocrite
>>17262970
you have insisted time and time again that you are a lost cause. and you're mad that someone finally believes you?
no wonder you're so universally loved
>>17262980
I just don't know what you want me to say.
Would I date myself? No, I wouldn't date another tranny.
I do have stuff I like about myself. I wrote the first draft of a book once, the second is turning out great. I can kind of sort of draw. I used to sing.
I don't like being sad and weak and not being able to tell when I should and should not fight people. I don't like wanting and needing love despite of not being worth it. I don't like not having the strength for all those meaningless projects that will never be finished. I don't like being a bad person.
>>17262980
You seem smart and the positive type. Maybe you can help if your willing. Y/N?
>>17262997
>i just dont know what oyu want me to say
whether or not you love yourself. you insisted the concept of loving yourself does not exist. therefore i an unable to help you.
i dont know what you want ME to say, cuz it seems like you just want a magic answer.
>i wouldnt date another tranny
oh golly, i assumed you were smart enough to understand the context of the question. you're right, it only applies to homosexuals, tehy are the only ones who can love themselves :^)
>i dont like being sad and weak and not being able to tell when i should and should not fight people
you've made a list of traits you dont like. focus on trying to fix them. its not going to be easy, its not going to be simple, its not going to be an understood process. but you know what you have to do, and you have to set out to do SOMETHING.
cont.
>>17263016
>>17262997
>i dont like not having the strength for all those meaningless projects that will never be finished.
for this all ican suggest is that you finish a 'meaningless' project. but ifrst, dont think of it as meaningless. consider that you are alive, and as far as you know will only have this one existence. you know it will end at some point. therefore, this life is the most important thing to you. fill it with things that are important.
if the project is meaningless, why did you start it to begin with? is it actually emaningless, or is it something you wanted to do, even if just for the sake of doing it? and if you wanted to do it, and its your only life, then how is that meaningless? especially if its an extension of you, which art often is. there are millions of artist who upload their shitty sketches to deviantart every day, and while it never gets much recognition, they feel satisfied knowing that they did somethign they wanted. the piece, whatever it is, speaks to them. it is a part of them. it is what they were feeling or what they were thinking, what they want or what they hate. it is something about them, in some way shape or form.
and if all they have is their own life, then something that is about them cannot possibly be meaningless.
>i dont like wanting and needing love despite not being worth it
change this view point. its okay to want to be loved. even the most independent people do. whats important is cultivating the love you have. if all you have is yourself, then love yourself the best you can, changing what you need to. but you have friends. you've admitted that. so cultivate that. make the relationship deeper and more complex. confide in someone and let them confide in you. take a night to invite them over casually, and spend the night just enjoying the fact that you are doing your very normal casual routine, and that they are enjoying it with you.
>>17263016
>>17262997
ive noticed that the more introspective i become and the more i think about what is actually happening, the more i enjoy life. when you are walking down the street, just going to your bus, and thinking about that moment. its a little hot, but its not killing you. theres some cool clouds in the sky. that building looks pretty.
there is nothign to be sad about in that moment. and if you can acknowledge that you are lucky to be in a room that hour wiht a friend or family member simply doing nothing but passing the time with someone you do like, there isnt much to be sad about then either.
>>17263013
depends on what you mean by smart. some people would say yes. many would say no. definitely not traditionally or book smart. but others, in this kind of context have thought so. but i dont think its smart. ive just found what works for me. perhaps my growing moment should be learning that what works for me wont work for everyone. but in the context of this thread you seem to be insisting that nothing would work.
as for positive, i think yes, most people think no. im told im a pessimist. i think im more a realist. i consider the bad, and i face the bad, but i dont pretend the bad isnt going to happen. i think what helps me stay happy is knowing what challenges are coming and planning how to face them, or knowing how to avoid them.
i am willing to help. the question is are you willing to listen? 45 posts of you saying 'nah that wont work' says no. and my pep talks can only do so much without you giving in on something.
at the end of the day if you arent even willing to blindly say 'i will try' and take a leap of faith that trying to improve your life might improve your feelings on your life, then there is nothing i or anyone can do.
we could list entire libraries worth of advice and it does nothing if you arent willing to try something.
>>17263019
I hate myself so much that sometimes I can't breathe.
Self-love can't be finished, can it? It's a meaningless project.
My friends are a bunch of damaged, broken people who have kind of vaguely huddled together because nobody else wants them. I don't know how to be closer to that.
We're going on a daytrip to the former capital today.
>>17263037
>i hate myself so much that someitmes i cant breathe
the first step is sititng down and thinking about what you hate about yourself. write it out. try to think about whether you really hate yourself, or if you just think soemthing else would be better or easier in that specific regard. essentially, decide if you hate that just because others hate it (like being a tranny for instance). if you are a tranny it means you arent happy being 'cis' (god i hate that im saying this but lets keep going) so you are obviously at least happIER being trans. so instead of hating that you are trans, focus on making your life more trans friendly. i know you will whine and drone about how there is literally no way to make extra cash to move soemwhere else, but if you look at literally any other case, you'll find that nto to be true. you have time to waste on 4chan, you have time to make more money. that money may mean moving to a new community. it may mean investing it in soemthign that will help your life (surgery?) it could be anything. thats up to you to figure out.
>self love cant be finished, cant it?
in what sense? people say they love themselves. are we all just lying and pretending? and if you believe that, why bother asking all these questions?
i love myself. many people do. you dont. so maybe try to find a way to love yourself.
>my friends are damaged
>i dont know hwo to be closer to that
dont know how, or dont want to? do you like any of your friends? pick the one you like teh most and bond. literally like the ways ive said.
i dont know why i keep posting. i guess i just hope something gets through to you. but i took my cough medicine and will be falling asleep soon.
>>17263048
I can get the treatments and surgeries covered by the national health care, but it happens in their terms and their antiquated guidelines, which involves me having to convince them that I have *no* other mental issues besides being trans. Expressing weakness in any way prolongs my time in purgatory. I was already stupid enough to admit them that I have anxiety (wrongly assuming it to be natural and expected to feel stress in a stressful situation) and I hate myself for it. The most important thing in my life right now is trying to bullshit numerous medical professionals who think they are right and want me to fail.
Didn't you just say self-improvement is a lifelong journey? Which one is it?
My family is damaged and my friends are damaged and I do not have the resources to carry any more loads than I do. Call me weak and tell me I just don't want to, that I am choosing to be unhappy, but I don't have the energy to fight my family, friends, mental problems and the health care system all at the same time.
Goodnight, if you do. This actually is genuinely helping me, even if it's just excuses over excuses.
>>17263063
>didnt you say self improvement is a lifelong journey?
yes i did
>which one is it?
can you point out wherei supposedly contradicted myself? cuz im not seeing it.
>>17263068
Can you or can you not ever finish the process of loving yourself?
>>17263073
im not sure what you mean by 'the process' or even what you mean by finish.
finish implies an end, a stopping. when you finished the game, you dont play it anymore.
if you mean improving yourself to be loveable, you do get to a point where you love yourself. as life goes on you realize you can love yourself more. once you are constantly escalating yourself it just becomes exploring yousrelf more deeply.
imagine, if you will, that perfect boyfriend. im sure you fantasize about how you grow old together, falling more and more in love, finding new ways to love each other, new reasons. his changes will appeal to you. some will be hard to accept, some will be confusing, and there will be lots of struggle. but as long as he improves himself as opposed to getting worse, you continue to grow more and more in love with him. you forgive when he does something bad cuz ultimately you (and him) catch the problem and wokr towards fixing it.
now imagine that instead of a boyfriend, its yourself. same everything. you start to love yourself when you become the person you think is worth loving. in a year your ideas might change, you'll still be happy but you'll work towards new goals. bad things will happen along hte way. there will be trial, and error, and perhaps even moments of not loving yourself again. but you will work towards fixing that and loving yourself again.
perfection is the death of spirituality.
>>17263084
I don't really have vivid detailed fantasies about a perfect life with a perfect partner. I just imagine a warm body to lay down next to to help me fall asleep.
I just can't grasp a single point where to start. It would be ideal to just have myself completely erased from existence.
>>17263089
thats between you and whatever belief system you feel like believing in this week. fortunately, my cough medicine is kicking in so im gonna stop trying.
just know that 'dunno where to begin, so not gonna begin at all' is a dumb excuse.
good luck - and i do mean it.
>>17262733
>if you cant love yourself how can anyone else?
What if I can only love myself by sharing a mutual feeling of love with somebody else.
>>17264222
you'd be wrong
Being hated. If you hate yourself, be the biggest asshole you can viably be to give others tge same opinion you have of yourself. Its also a way to ensure no one will try to stop you from killing yourself if it comes down to it. It's a win win
>>17264222
you really expect anyone to believe that youd magically learn to love yourself if someone else claimed to despite all the ranting and raving you've done about hating yourself so much its hard to breathe.
and again, if you hate yourself that much, how could anyone else love you at all?
stop whining about
>tfw no bf
its not happening, we get it you created the thread just for that, but its been 12 hours.
>people with active and healthy romantic/sexual lives telling loveless sexless losers that they shouldn't hate themselves for their objective inferiority
Every time. Bet you call deformed girls beautiful on Facebook too.
>>17264294
I think they are not the same person.
>>17262705
Tulpamancy
>>17264432
maybe. sounds just fucking like her.
>>17264323
im not a normie so i dont have a facebook, but no i think that telling people who know they are ugly they are attractive is just cruel. unless they're retarded they already know the truth and it just hurts more.
who says we have active healthy romantic and sexual lives though? who says we always have if we had?
my advice was to become happy being alone. i had to learn to be that way for a reason.
TL;DR >implying
>>17262705
Being feared.
