How do I come to terms that my father hates his life and will never really come out of that?
Today he made it pretty clear that he will always be miserable and it's the stressful I've ever been. I want to yell at him for being so damn selfish but here I am being selfish.
What the fuck do I do?
>>17258086
Your dad needs to pivot.
Stop being like your dad, and help him or leave him.
I can't really give good advice if I don't know what is bothering your dad.
>>17258086
Same here, my friend.
My dad is one of the most antisocial people I know. He has made it clear that he goes out of his way to ruin relationships with his friends and family. I can't even speak to him on the phone.
He retired a couple of months ago, and all he does now is watch movies and complain about how the world is going to shit.
I bought some tickets to a convention related to a hobby that he's really invested in, and he chickened out because he "didn't want to sit through that car ride" and wasn't sure if he could smoke whenever he wanted.
There's a certain point that you have to just let them grow. They took a shit in their own bed, and now they have to sleep in it.
Him 'making things clear' is a call for help/attention. If your really is going through a bad stretch, the best you can do is to make him like are happy and believe in him. It's about raising his self-esteem. The worst you can do is not let him work through it.
>>17258150
>what is bothering your dad
A childhood of neglect and trauma
>>17258329
>>17258325
What do I possibly do to undue 40+ years of grudges and issues? The people he hates are long dead, he has been diagnosed with manic depressive disorder and he has no prescription and even if he did, he won't take it as he doesn't take any prescription because voodoo side effects
>>17258305
I need you in my life, because that is EXACTLY him. Recent retiree, he doesn't even have obligations, he got a clean bill of health recently, he's not burdened by debt, and he doesn't even have a mortgage to worry about.
I don't know what to do, if he kills himself one day, that is the day I get institutionalized, I wouldn't know how to cope with that
I understand part of the problem can't be fixed. It's a mental disorder and I'm sorry your father has to suffer through that. On the other hand a lot of people lose their minds upon retirement. He needs to find an activity/hobby/work. Get him to coach sports for children/do hiking/a dog. He's filling that gap from his old like with cries for attention. He doesn't need attention he needs purpose in an activity.
>>17258390
He doesn't have any interests, he tried programming but the screen bothers his eyes if he stares too long and like the other anon, he watches movies all day on YouTube, who the fuck knows if he watched one and it turned his mood sour or something but it just isn't the first time and I did t that's the case anyways
He just bitches about everything, let's go here, no, let's do carpentry, no the dust bothers me, let's go to the beach, no that's too far away etc it is exactly as the other anon says here
>>17258305
A dog, sounds great since he has our old dog that really looks like she won't make it another year, but worrisome because if it doesn't work, now there's a dog in limbo.
I told him so many times to do some stupid job like crossing guard and to go to the gym, he has free membership from the state! That's pretty fucking awesome and I tell him that all the time.
If you ask me, if it truly is not about finding something to do or doing something to entertain him, then the only other option I can think of and have already thought of because I am not such a shit son, is grandchildren, and I'm afraid that is not happening in the near future, so I just feel stuck. If it IS hobbies, I'm thinking a hydroponic farm would be cool, low maintenance, fun project to plan and build, and we later can upgrade to a self sustaining aquapobic system, but that's all I can think of, and I'm not sure he'll even like it.
Your father is being irresponsible and emotionally needy. I understand my suggestion are not applicable here. However, my key point is that absolutely need to stop catering to his needs, emotional or otherwise. Ignore him, stop trying to provide direct help and most of all put all your efforts into bettering your own life.
I understand doing that would be a gamble, what with your institutionalization issue. Think of your father as spoiled child (because his behavior is entirely indicative that's what he is), and act like you would to correct a spoiled child's character. Ignoring calls for attention, forcing self-reliance and letting him find challenge in life.
