Weee mental breakdown ahoy

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To preface, I'm essentially a nihilist, nothing has any meaning, we're all fucked, etc. I.E no supernatural for me.
here's the problem, I have, for the past year or so held this obsession with a concept that I can't describe. It's not God, a lot of the stuff about God sounds similar though. Not the morals or the persona or the power, just this one aspect specifically allocated by some Catholic and Islamic sects, the correlation with light and the sun. The concept I've been chasing so to speak doesn't really have a name, which is why it's so maddening. The best I can put it is, imagine the end of a summer day, you're looking across a field of grass that stretches to the horizon. The sun is right above said horizon, like it's setting. Photographers call this the golden hour I think, everything is almost hazy because of how much intense yellow light there is. So much so that you can barely see. It's like the whole world is yellow gold with hints of orange, blue and green. Under it all is this intense feeling of profound peace, like a major chord, extremely low, is thrumming throughout the whole world.
Here are some songs that almost hit what I'm talking about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBuCxZUSvNU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CE-tbWx0uE
This is driving me insane, I don't know what it is but I feel like I need to know.