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Anonymous
Coping with childhood problems
2016-06-08 19:44:49 Post No. 17234800
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Coping with childhood problems
Anonymous
2016-06-08 19:44:49
Post No. 17234800
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Hey /adv/, I'm 23 now, but I guess everything started when I was 3. I was abused by my dad's at-the-time-girlfriend. She would beat me, lock me outside or in my bedroom closet for hours at a time, always called me degraded me by calling me bad or worthless, etc., and at one point she almost drowned me when my 3 year old dumbass over filled the bathtub and she got super pissed. When my dad found out and left her he never talked to me about it, my mom didn't either, but my whole family knows. I've asked about it before when I was still young and my parents were just kind of quiet about it and didn't say anything relevant.
The past few years I've been looking back on my teen years and especially my youth I really held onto that, and things that people did or said. I used to draw a lot and make comics as a kid. I wanted to be an artist or an animator, but my family and friends would tell me its not a real job or its stupid. I started writing a lot when I was around 8 and was really exclusive about it. The one time I showed one of my parents a short story they grimaced at the fiction/fantasy of it and told me how much they despised it. Around 11 I started to play guitar and especially bass guitar and I would feel a release of pressure in my chest I'd never knew I had, but when I told my parents that this is what I wanted to do they told me that so does everyone else and I should start focusing on real career choices.
It seems like all of this negativity has come from women, which has really affected my view of people, especially women in general. I don't find the joy I used to in music or art or literature. I get anxious like years slip away just because I spent 15 minutes playing my bass or drawing a bird.
Does anyone else experience these feelings or have a history similar to me? How do you cope? How can I move on from this?
