I have been casually attracted to one of my best friends. We have a lot in common and have been close throughout secondary school.
Over the last 2 years, i have recognised that she holds a special place to me in my circle of friends, even if we no longer meet, write and/or talk as regularly as we used to.
>It is possible that she does not share my feelings, as she is the prone-to-accidentally-flirt type. Or i am misinterpreting signs.
These feelings usually come in infrequent waves (every few weeks), especially if i have a moment to myself. Over the last years i have tried to ignore my feelings and rationalise them, to make them go away completely.
But still i find them nagging at the back of my head and unconsciously preoccupying me. Like a 'task' which lingers on my 'to-do-list'.
I have tried writting and setting on fire. Talking to friends about it.
But non of it helped.
>Now i am at the point that i just want to suggest it (ie try being more than friends) over dinner.
>Have read a huge amount of horror stories with loosing friendships etc.
>Don't want to regret not having tried.
>Don't want to ignore feelings anymore and get rid of this nagging feelings.
Cannot be the first and only one.
>>17233280
Ask her out. She will probably refuse but will do so nicely if she's your best friend.
That also seems to be the best solution in your situation as you may be overthinking.
Just ask her.
>>17233280
For me, trying was the best thing I ever did. It didn't work out, but I felt liberated and more happy than I had in a long time. Don't phrase it like an ultimatum, if you do it that way there's a chance she'll go along with it because she's scared to lose you as a friend and eventually it will all fall apart.
If she says no and you can't be just a friend - walk away. It happened that way for me, I stuck around after being rejected for far too long before realizing it wasn't healthy for me. I do regret the way I ended the friendship with her, but at the end of the day you have to put you first.
>>17233936
This seems like the most progessive option.
Mainly because i feel that it the only way to get some closure and i am running out of options.
>what is your story?
>>17233941
Any reason?
>>17233956
I don't plan on putting pressure on it, if i can help it.
>I have really missed you. (Have not seen her in a long time)
>I wanted to ask you whether we could try be more than friends
>why do i only read and hear of horror stories when it comes these confessions? Do they really never work?
>>17233280
At that point she will probably say yes, just ask her out, it's not hard
>>17233997
If you're honestly not sure if she's into you romantically, chances are she probably isn't. The only caveat to this would be if she is a shy person.
Know this anon, there are many other girls you can meet, never limit yourself like I used to do.
I have a close friend that I confessed my love to, she did not have feelings for me back.
But if she really is your best friend and you are her best friend, then you both would just let it go and sweat it off like nothing happened.
>>17234606
Although i wouldn't say that she is the shy-type, i would definitely say that she is the naive type (i am not the only one to say that).
I have tried bring the topic up to test, but she never caught on.
Even if no is the most probable outcome, are there any other options to move on?
>>17234590
Even her sister seems to know that i like her. Used to tease me about it.
>>17234619
I should/hope be able to go on like before. Especially after a break, as we don't live in the same town.
But i tend to find it very rare that i can connect with people romantically. I am surrounded by good looking girls in my study, but although i hang around many, i never find them inheritely interesting.
>She is pretty much the first i feel a genuine connection to.
>I have tried finding girls.
>Member in study associations
>Versatile when it comes to topics of interest.
>>17234634
Wow, you guys aren't even in the same town. Just know it will not be the end of the world. I went through the same thing. I had my eyes on this other girl and I blocked everyone else that was attractive, did not end good for me. Never limit yourself, even if you don't want other girls, personality is a thing too.
>>17234798
I maybe was giving the impression that i am/have been thinking about her all the time during these 2 years. That is decidedly not the case.
For the majority of the time i didn't and seeking out other girls and opportunities.
It is not like everytime i met a new girl, i thought of her.
It is just that red flags seem to show rather quickly and even when i ignored them things usually never worked out beyond casual meeting.
We just recently started skyping again after a while and my feelings resurfaced somewhat.
By saying that we were in different towns and unis i was just saying that avoiding/creating some space between her wouldn't be a problem.
>>17233280
stop dancing around the issue: if you like her TELL HER no txt or other people or go betweens it must come from YOUR mouth
she will either say yes or no.
if she says no, just drop the issue and not bring it up again.
>>17235008
From what i have read and heard, this doesn't tend to work most of the time.
>>17235008
This is terrible advice. DO NOT ASK HER OUT. That will make things awkward between you if she's not into it. It's also not sexy or suave in the slightest
You need to test the waters. The next time you hang out with her, be a little more flirty; playfully touch her, try to initiate a little sexual tension. If she responds positively to it, she's into you. Then you just have to escalate the sexual tension until you can just kiss her.
If she responds negatively to it, then you can just forget about it and continue to be friends, and you didn't spill all your cards on the table and make things permanently awkward from now on
>>17235273
Believe me i have tried.
Ignoring just seemed like the most painless option.
But i have been carrying this burden on me for the last 2-3 years.
>I really wouldn't know any other ways to cope with it.
