So first let me introduce the players. There is me, a Sri Lankan Muslim living and born in America. My two parents who grew up in Sri Lanka and very active in the mosque, especially my father. My girlfriend is a Shinto half Japanese (mother) half white (father). My girlfriend and I met in a school club for people who want to be doctors in the future, and I held a leadership position my senior year and she will now have one her coming senior year, since I am going to college next year (about 30 min away from HS) and she will be a senior. I also know her older sister and her bf through the club and actually knew the sister before DS, who I will refer to as my gf.
tl;dr: My family is Muslim, my girlfriend is not, so my parents don't want us dating
continued below
Anyway my parents are very conservative Muslims and very strongly want me to marry a Muslim and discourage me from talking with nonMuslim females too much beyond school purposes. I am well aware of this so I dated my gf, who I will refer to as DS (not real name), secretly. I did not tell her that my parents were unaware of us dating, and I told my parents that I was off studying for AP's and finals with friends. Clearly this method is less effective when there is no school. That will come into play later.
Well, at my school at the end of the year is an awards ceremony, which we were both invited to. At this time I had shown to my mom pictures of DS, like her in a dress and her at Six Flags with me (it was a school field trip, not date) and told her good things about her like her grades and involvement in the club. Well, I walk into the lobby that leads into the auditorium at my school and there is DSMom (Japanese), was very excited to see me and basically ran to me and said "DS is already in the auditorium". This is when my mom began to suspect that I was getting "too close" to DS.
Go to college, don't let perfect asian waifu go becuse of hateful religion. Stand on your feet, become independent of parents. (Girls dig that anyway, even if you two go apart)
However, it was the happiness of DSMom seeing me that made her most upset, because of a friend my mom and dad (I'll call him Mark) and the struggles he goes through due to a bad marriage.
So Mark is a fellow Sri Lankan muslim, friends with my parents. Well, Mark is an engineer so he makes pretty good money. The problem comes from the fact that his wife is a Sri Lankan Christian (not sure how devout she is though) and she is the laziest bum I've ever seen. She does not have a job, yet does no cooking or house work and only participates in Islamic Holidays, so Eid, and their children are not raised very religiously since they disputed on taking them to mosque or church, which to my parents is absolutely awful. So now Mark's wife basically leeches off his engineering wage and does nothing. In fact whenever we visit she is watching TV and does not turn it off until the episode is done (which is rude, no matter your religion) and Mark has to make tea since she doesn't. My mom looks at the situation and sees that Mark's wife basically married Mark only to leech off him since she knew he would be successful, which probably is true based on her behavior.
However, now my mom equates all nonmuslim women to being like Mark's wife, which is not true at all, I've seen plenty of nonmuslim women be housewives. But lately my mom has been warning me of women in college who will be looking for a "Mrs. Degree", in other words they are there looking for men who they think will be successful and have "honey come out of their mouths", then marry and leech off the successful husband (let me interject and say that the college I'm going to is fairly exclusive and costs $60,000 a year so going there to just get a rich husband would be pointless, though the mentality she has is something she applies mainly to white people and my gf is half white and my college is about three quarters white people and has awful diversity).
Now, my mom thinks DSMom is happy I'm dating her daughter because then I will be a rich doctor and then she can leech off me. Of course I don't argue back because that will end badly, but DS is actually much harder working than me, is much more dedicated to the health club than me and in her free time writes short stories while I just play videogames and sleep.
Anyway this is dragging on for too long, so let me get to the point. On memorial day we went to a Renaissance Faire, movie, and dinner which took the whole day. I told my mom I went with my friends, but I was showing her a video of some guys jousting when she was texting me and the popup came while she was watching the video, which basically confirmed her suspicions since the first one said "Thanks for taking me to the Ren Faire"My mom was mainly upset because she doesn't want me to end up like Mark's marriage, so I should marry a Muslim girl who will be a housewife, and that DS is bringing my grades down. You see, I started telling about her to my mom around when senioritis started kicking in, so my grades went from 95+ to mainly either a C or a full 100. My parents started to wonder what was causing these drops and blame it on dating DS. During the "talk" I had with my parents my dad compared the salary of a 11 dollar an hour warehouse laborer to a doctor getting about $150,000 a year and that I should focus on my studies. However, I see many non-muslim people dating and do perfectly fine, and muslim people that don't date and struggle to get into medical school, and honestly it seems more of a nonfactor. But my dad did tell me the story of a guy at his high school back in Sri Lanka who was top of his class but then fell in love with a girl, got her pregnant, and then disappeared and now nobody knows what happened to him, and told me the dangers of dating and premarital sex.
But the second reason my dad didn't want me to date was pressure from the Muslim community since my dad is active in the mosque and has a very good reputation as a good and kind man, which he is. But in Islam there is an extremely strong stigma against talking with the opposite gender, so me being seen with a light skinned girl in public could destroy all of that if I am seen by one of the mosque goers. Now, this does make sense to me but DS is actually pretty shy to show affection in public (in private is a different matter.) which does help really mitigate my dad's problem. I will interject and say that to me, the separation of genders is not very helpful since it only happens to Muslim girls, while I get a chance to talk to plenty of non-Muslim girls in school and in public and all that. So I can talk to most girls casually, but if they are of the same religion they suddenly become an alien since I never get to talk to any. Now, my parents said they wouldn't mind if I dated a muslim girl, but the problem is, how am I supposed to meet Muslim girls if I cannot talk to them, touch them (hand shaking forbidden)? Btw that dating muslim girls mentality is actually pretty liberal of them, very few Muslim parents feel that way.
>>17224070
She's the kind of girl that neck beards dream of having, I really don't want to let her go and get some shitty semi-arranged marriage.
Also, my mom does not like that a lot of western women wear very short pants, and when she met DSMom her dress did not go very far down which also offended my mom, and honestly I do feel that women need to cover up a bit more sometimes. However, DS feels the same as me and my mom about that, and there is not a single short pant in her closet besides the ones DSMom tries to get her to wear, and DS did complain at the Ren Faire about all the people showing off their bellies. But during the "talk" my dad asked me if DS wore short pants like DSMom and I had to say yes because I didn't want to say the "wrong" answer and start an argument. My parents made me send a break up text, but we switched to another app so that we can still text and only pretended to break up over text message for show.
Personally, I feel that when dating somebody you should keep the long term in mind, and for me it seems like it just isn't going to work out unless I somehow convert her to Islam. However I really don't want to break up her with her and DS doesn't either. I am also socially not that great so finally getting a girlfriend (this is first dating xp for both of us) is something big for me. We also have very similar interests despite different backgrounds, we both have pet chickens, love anime and vidya, hate shopping, and we can talk for hours upon hours about stuff. Basically we are both nerds. In fact our first conversation was about anime. And I don't want to go through the Islamic courting process where I cannot talk alone with the potential spouse and there is parental supervision for everything and I don't really get to know the girl.
One last thing, I haven't told DS any of this, I told her my parents are were just upset at the time and need time to cool down and were going full control mode over everything, which is partly true, the full control mode part, my mom wants access to all of my grades in college which I will worry about later.
What do? Make her muslim? Break up?
>>17224057
MURDER YOUR PARENTS
My God people. Like... is it really that fucking hard? Like seriously?
I think we should all be born without parents and only have government care takers which can't tell a human being what to do.
Your friends are your family, not your disgusting incidental blood-related overgrown fetuses.
God I hate overgrown children which think they can boss other children around. I just want to shove your parents back in school and let them get bullied and mentally tortured to hell till they can only whimper.
> 2016
> still muslim
I'm afraid that's just embarassing.
>>17224057
CALL THE GOVERNMENT.
ISSUE TERRORIST ATTACK.
>>17224079
>Mark's wife basically leeches off his engineering wage and does nothing
Stay at home moms tend to do that. It's not religion's fault that Mark's a cuck and can't wear the pants in the marriage.
>which probably is true based on her behavior
Welcome to the world of women. If she gives him bj, raises his kids, and doesn't threaten divorce that's much better than the average.
>Mrs. Degree
Women who want to be housewives are usually like that. The difference between them is some of them take housewifehood seriously, others don't, but whether they do or not depends on the man a lot. If you met in a school for wannabe doctors, I don't think she lacks ambition and discipline.
>Muslim girl who will be a "housewife"
There are more than enough lazy leeches of those, believe me... In the end it all comes down to respect towards you, act that way, and if she takes life seriously or not.
>dating and school
Date people who are also motivated and ambitious, and they will pull you up. Date lazy bums and they will drag you down. My friend is a dentist, his wife (also a dentist) dragged him through university.
>fell in love with a girl, got her pregnant
Yep, bad crushes and kids can destroy carrers so look out for those, but if you have someone stable who loves you, and you are careful not to get her pregnant under any circumstances, this can be a non issue.
>mosque goers
Go to college 30 miles away and do your dating there.
>>17224092
>very few Muslim parents feel that way
So they want an arranged marriage and sell their daughter as merchandise to seal a deal?
Islam is cancer of this earth, you get rid of it, get rid of parents, become a doctor, be rich so you don't care, fuck your Asian waifu for the rest of your life.
>>17224161
wew that's edgy
Convert the bitch. You can do it.
>>17224153
>30 miles away and do your dating there.
I am intentionally going to a school of mainly white christians despite being a brown muslim in order to avoid the mosque goers in the first place, so that's already done
You are also mixing up a productive housewife and leech. Mark's wife does no house work, cooking or cleaning or raising kids, Mark does almost all of it. My mom thinks my gf will also be a leech, which isn't true, she's more productive than me
>>17224161
>become a doctor
My parents think if I date her then I will not become a doctor. I've seen plenty of Muslims not date and not get into med school, and non muslims who date and get into med school fine, and vice versa, so it seems to be a nonfactor.
Basically my parents are fucking delusional and it's ruining me socially.
You should have kept your relationship more low-key. Its really not that hard
>>17224134
Agreed, if we taught children how to be independent and alpha from a young age then we wouldn't have so many neckbeard manchildren living with their parents and repeating the cycle.
>>17224175
>You are also mixing up a productive housewife and leech
I am because it's next to impossible to judge their future behavior a decade from now. The vast majority will depend on the quality of your relationship, her respect towards you, and whether she takes life seriously. Your girlfriend seems to be good on the last one, the former ones need constant active work in a relationship.
>>17224184
You're right, the mistake I made was even mentioning DS to my mom in the first place, it made her suspicious. I was hoping I could slowly ease her into my mom's mind but that just did not work.
>>17224192
True, it is possible for a female to suddenly become lazy and do no work (in house or not) but that can happen no matter the religion. In fact that's more likely to happen to me because I would rather play vidya and watch anime than study. She is all study study due to her strict japanese mom., tho she does cosplay and anime stuff because they're japanese.
>>17224244
>I would rather play vidya and watch anime than study
Then this girls will be a blessing for you. Be prepared though that since she is the more disciplined one she will have the leading role a lot of times.
>>17224253
>this girls will be a blessing for you
When my parents and i had a talk, my dad compared the wages of a doctor and 11 dollar an hour laborer. They think that dating will ruin me, when in reality she's likely to keep me in line, she literally scolded me for collecting games on my Steam account.
My bigggest objection to the dating will result in no med school idea is that if it were true, there would be no nonmuslim doctors and all muslims would get into med school, which is far from the case.
Sorry for all the ranting, it's just that I hate how my religion totally bans dating and contact with women. Because of it nonmuslim women are normal but women of my religion are aliens that are kept away from me. Islam really needs an update.
>>17224274
You are starting to grow up. You have to start becoming independent and creating your own worldview. As you described them your parents sound sheltered thaks to their relition and can't see clearly what's in the world in this aspect.
>totally bans dating and contact with women
Dating is like alcohol. If you have a glass of wine at birthdays or drink a bit with friends that's fun. If you become a raging alcoholic that ruins your life. With all the sluttery going around, although maybe it's going a bit too far, but I actually see the value in this.
Of course as long as it doesn't create the opposite effect. My friend from university is a gyneologist and he has a quite a lot of practice in sewing muslim women's hymen together again. Repression breeds repressed crazy.
>>17224134
Autistic as fuck.
Holy shit, you have one hell of a problem in your hands. First of all, I think you should tell DS about your parents. It's not right that you keep all this from here.
I think you should explore the option of converting her to Islam. I doubt she'll ever actually believe in Allah, but maybe she'll be willing to go to the mosque once in a while and maybe that will get your parents to accept her. Besides that, maybe you should have her over for dinner, or something? Perhaps if your parents actually meet her, they'll be more open to accepting her, or at least tolerating her.
I don't really know how to help you besides giving these ideas, sorry.
>>17224436
Well, the problem with telling DS about my parents is that the problem is from my religion, and the solution is to come to my religion. So I need to choose between telling her the truth or trying to convert her so the problem goes away. I can probably take her to a mosque.
Now, Ramadaan is starting tomorrow so telling her about my Islam stuff and maybe even invite her to my house for Iftaar ( I can't really take her to mosque since we'll be separated and I can't be with her there.) However, convincing my parents to let her come to my house will be a problem since they think I already "broke up" with her. And if she were to come I would be walking on very fragile eggshells.
I'll probably talk to her about my religion then slowly one day invite her over for Iftaar, where she can impress my parents with knowledge of my religion. Maybe even get her to pray.
Holy wall of text batman
Fuck your parents, who gives a shit if it ruins his reputation at a fucking mosque, do what makes you happy
And dont pressure anyone to join your degenerate excuse of a religion. Islam is fucked and no one wants to join it, people like you are just born into it. If anything you ahould denounce your religon for your GF
>>17224506
> Well, the problem with telling DS about my parents is that the problem is from my religion, and the solution is to come to my religion. So I need to choose between telling her the truth or trying to convert her so the problem goes away. I can probably take her to a mosque.
I strongly disagree. Hiding things from your girlfriend is very dishonest and when she finds out she will never trust you again. You need to involve her because she deserves to know and because she might be able to help.
Tell them that if they want to uphold their racist backward country's traditions then they should've stayed in the Middle East and should move back there.
America is basically like a melting pot so they should've known the risk that raising a child here will go against their strict traditions.
Your parents won't be here forever to dictate what you should do with your life and once you step outside their house door, that's where their control ends and you're free to be your own man with your own decisions.
Besides, your parents should consider your happiness and if you're happy with a girl that isn't your ethnicity then stay with her.
>>17224654
> Sri Lanka
> Middle East
I appreciate that you're angry towards this situation, but you're not really helping the guy. He needs some realistic solutions, not considerations on how his parents are horribly racist.
>>17224664
Oh my bad (sorry OP), I somehow missed that his parents are from Sri Lanka (I basically skimmed through his paragraph posts)
Regardless my other points still stand.
>>17224589
I'll probably bring it up after I slowly involve her in my religion and show her my Islamic practices. I will try to invite her to have Iftaar dinner at my house one day.
Basiaclly my plan is in >>17224506
>>17225094
And how do you think she'll feel once she finds out you tried to trick her into converting to Islam because of your parents without even telling her? How would you feel if she tried to secretly convert you to Shinto because her parents didn't approve of you being a Muslim?
>>17224057
Your parents are correct to not allow you to date a idol worshipper. She is not even people of the book. Find a good muslim girl. Do not bother with heathen.
>>17225182
But wouldn't she be upset if she knew that I would actively try to convert her because of my parents? As in wouldn't she feel targeted and as if I was trying to force something upon her? I think I'll just ease it on her.
Also, I would never convert to another religion, I either stay or go to agnostic/atheist.
Fellow Sri Lankan anime-loving vidya-playing Muslim here, 4th year engineering, kissless virgin, trapped in parents basement, laughing stock of all cousins. OP.... DON'T FUCK THIS UP. Do it for me... I can't give credible advice unfortunately, but if I were in your situation I'd prolong hiding it until Uni. I don't know how religious you are, but I wouldn't drag her into it. Not yet anyways, it's too soon. If she's activity trying to get more involved with your family on the other hand, then I guess there's no choice. Simply continue to date her until you guys are ready to take it to the next step. After some more time your parents are bound to believe that you truly care for this person and aren't just acting on instincts and perhaps it'll give more time to for DS to prove how hardworking she is. In short, it may be too soon to be making these potentially consequential moves. Is stalling not an option?
ALLUAH AKBAR
BOOMMMMM
>>17224057
>bait thread
>>17224057
You have a bigger question than romance to answer.
Do you want, in your life, to follow the traditional customs and beliefs of your religion and culture, or to break with (or at least modify) them to live in the larger society.
I make no value judgment between the two - both have strong arguments in their favor - but making that larger decision will make all smaller decisions simpler.
>>17224057
>Move to America for opportunity, superior education for children, freedom, etc
> Expect your kids not to act like Americans.
I don't fucking understand immigrants like this.
>>17224057
Date her, don't convert her, ignore your parents
You're above 18, you're not doing anything wrong, they don't have the right to blame your for Standard decision, and then absolutely do not have the right to make you marry the one they want you to marry.
They'll get over it eventually, if they cannot understand that their son is in love with someone, they I can't understand how they themselves managed to get together in the first place.
>can get comfy arranged marriage waifu that won't ever leave
>wants to live the western lifestyle of insecurity, heartbreak, anxiety and self-loathing
literally why
>>17224079
You need to stop caring about what your parents think so much, and live your life the way you want to, I'm an arab girl, living in an arab country, my family is a conservative muslim family as well, I used to be a muslim; but after reading enough I became a deist, my family would literally kill me if they find out, so I keep my life private, I find excuses to go out and spend time with my boyfriend (whom they don't know about) and I'm planning on moving out soon, so just stop caring so much about what your parents think or want and do what pleases you, good luck.
>>17224135
Exactly, thank you.
>>17224057
First thing's first. You're an American. Get that stupid foreigner mentality out of you. You are an American first. You choose to follow the muslim religion. You have the right to choose your religious beliefs, so don't let what your parents want based on their beliefs affect your choice in who you love. If they try to disown you for that, then they aren't your parents. They're just the meatbags who spawned your free ass in a country that they should be considering their own, instead of forcing the ideals of their old land on you. Finish school, make money, live life, and don't regret your own choices. Don't live under the boot of anyone else. That's what it means to be an American.
>>17226091
>Do you want, in your life, to follow the traditional customs and beliefs of your religion and culture, or to break with (or at least modify) them to live in the larger society.
OP here, and holy shit, you are right. Honestly I never thought of this situation that way. Truth is, my persona ldecision tould be do live a modified version of my religion and culture to compromise with American and Japanese culture, which I would be a part of if I were to marry her. However, my parents want me to stay with the traditional customs, which is the root cause of this problem.
I never realized how much of a crossroads this relationship has put me at.
>>17226637
Welcome to adult life anon. You'll have lots of crossroads in the coming years. Wish I had better advice. Live and learn.
>>17226637
Do you care more about yourself or these blood-related anchors?
>>17226637
To be honest, I think that you need to have another talk with your parents, a REAL talk.
You need to stand up for yourself and just rush into the wall that is your parents, and tell them that you don't want to and that you wont marry a muslim girl because you love DS and want to spend your life with her.
Tell them that she is doing better than you in school and that not all non muslim girls are like your uncles wife.
I'm going to be completely honest here and forgive me if I am wrong but it doesn't sound like you are very interested in being a muslim. Heck, you disagree with most of the common things so why on earth would you try to convert you gf (which sounds like a gift given from god) to a religion where women are oppressed (at least in islamic countries) and that you don't support?
I really hope that you don't give in to your parents and that you will at least consider what I wrote.
Il keep an eye on this thread to see how things turns out.
>>17227039
Always look out for number one first. Always. That doesn't mean don't cultivate relationships, but you do so because it helps you.
>>17224057
>Muslim
Alright, just to everyone be aware this thread is now under full FBI attention.
You guys can now carry on.
>>17227174
Whops. meant friend, not uncle
>>17224066
Tell your parents they didn't want to mix with non-muslims they should have stayed in Sri Lanka.
>>17225338
I'd be more open to my guy being upfront about the whole thing with me. You have a slim chance to converting her anyway. She's probably fine with you being Muslim, but if she's a smart woman, she'll probably never convert.
>>17227174
Telling my parents I love DS and that I won't marry a Muslim girl is not a good idea. Best case scenario they tell me how naive I am and brush it off. Worst case scenario I get disowned. My parents already threatened to do that to me. They told me that I will have a better sense of the world after I am in medical school and thst dating before then will hinder my progress and keep me out of med school. A single talk will not change 40 years of thinking. They'd probably like her if they met her but the chances off that are low but I'm going to start with convincing them to pretty her come for iftaar dinner.
Also pic related
>>17224057
They are conservatives. Ok.
So, what are you? Live your life boy, great men are forged from hard situations
>>17224175
Why do I have a feeling that you will become a suicide bomber....
>>17227707
Yea, I had kind of figured that they had already said something like that...
But right now, at least, all I can come up with is telling DS about your parents (this is why I dont like this idea, she will probably get hurt) and gradually start introducing them to each other so your parents can see how hard working she is.
This is all I can come up with atm, but if you do decide to do this, then make sure you are there for DS the following days after you have told her (she will probably hurt a lot)
>>17228148
I tried the gradual introduction thing to show her hard work but we had the talk when my parents simply suspected that we were dating. It's not her that my parents aren't ok with, it's the entire concept of dating nonmuslims. She could be a lazy fatass bum and my parents would be ok with her if that girl was a muslim, since I will be successful to support the girl and she can just stay at home and cook shit for me.
And even if she was Muslim my parents would discourage too much contact until I am ready to marry her since Islam skips over the dating part and goes straight to marriage, and puts the commitment before the intimacy instead of intimacy then commitment as the nonmuslim (read: 1st world) world does it.
>make sure you are there for DS the following days
The problem is, I need a genuine reason to go outside. I used studying and going out with friends previously. The studying didn't work in the summer, and got suspicious when I was going out with "friends" (who are nonexistent) so often. For now the only reason I can really use is going to work, and if it's spontaneous I can say I am covering somebody else's shift. But we are usually gone the whole day, and now if I go to her at 8 then I would have to be back by 4 or 5.
The only reasons I ever go outside are school, work, and DS, and was mainly school. Now school is done and going to DS is hard since it is Ramadaan and my parents think I broke up with her, tho we faked it.
Also there are no guns in my house, sadly.
>>17228231
>I need a genuine reason to go outside.
Why? Just stop answering your parent's questions. Rebel a little bit. Are you going to ask them for permission to get married someday? That's not how it works here.
*Note that I didn't bother reading the rest of the thread.
>>17228231
>The problem is, I need a genuine reason to go outside.
Jesus Christ. Why can't you hang out with friends? Why are they always up your ass? Why are you letting them treat you like this? Are they paying for your schooling?
>>17228301
>Why can't you hang out with friends?
I could, but if I go too often they will become suspicious that I am hanging out with DS again, or just any females. Whenever I leave I have to tell where I am going and leave a phone number she can call. Usually I just write down a fake one that is a digit off from the number of the "friend" I am hanging out with. Sometimes I must leave an address as well.
Also my parents won't let me keep my vehicle in college since my little brother will be using it. So I am stuck on the college campus or I can try and get my own, tho I probably won't have a job until second semester or even summer before sophomore year so I won't be able to buy my own, I haven't saved up enough, $600 right now, tho I will get more since I work $8 an hour about 11 hrs a week, but still not enough for my own vehicle.
>>17228368
>Whenever I leave I have to tell where I am going and leave a phone number she can call.
Well, stop doing that.
"Where are you going?"
"Out." *slam*
>>17224057
This is one of the reasons why religion is such a shit-storm upon the world. Anon wants to date some chick and his parents say no because she's not the same religion.
God doesn't give a flying fuck, anon. We're meant to cross breed.
Fuck your parents and their stupid religion (and all others) which has been a blight on man for thousands of years.
Fucking think for yourself, you have a brain. Be happy for yourself.
