Is it possible to be sexually frustrated without being aroused? How do you fix that?
I keep browsing through all female masturbation guides and self-help shit and I do everything right, but nothing feels good. I keep being told it's because I'm not properly aroused.
I want to fap but can't fap because I don't actually want to fap.
How do I make this stop? One way or another.
are you on any medicine / birth control / anti depressants that would account for lower libido?
>>17197091
None. I don't take any pills at all, save for a multivitamin sometimes. One of those fizzy ones that dissolve into a glass of water and taste like an orange juice made by someone who's never seen an orange.
Doesn't lower libido mean you don't want to get off? I want to get off, I just can't get turned on.
>>17197007
>I want to fap but
>can't fap because
>I don't actually want to fap.
Ah the famous woman logic. No, if you can't form your problem into logical sentences, we can't help you either :-(
>>17197147
I have a need to satisfy myself sexually but find myself incapable of becoming sufficiently aroused.
My intention was to use an absurd sentence to accurately describe an absurd situation for a comical effect.
I don't know why I have to explain a joke on 4chan, but then again, I didn't have enough asperger traits to qualify for the full diagnosis.
women seem to enjoy cam whoring. maybe you should try that.
i'm very similar. I can get horny and want some sort of release but masturbation has never felt good to me. I had to fight every single step of the way and it never amounted to anything. It didn't feel good enough, if it ever felt good at all. I'd give up after an hour or two of trying with nothing to show for it.
I have two questions for you.
One: do you find it hard to actually focus on masturbating? Does your mind wander to other things and get distracted and lose momentum?
Two: Have you had an orgasm before? Do you know the best way to bring them about? If you do, how effectively do your own masturbation techniques copy the reliable way?
>>17197122
technically you're right. libido roughly means "the urge" to have sex, like the urge to eat food.
so what you're saying is that you have the urge to have sex / satisfaction, but none of your efforts to touch yourself feel sexually rewarding, and probably end up frustrating you.
this is a bit of a complex problem, and im no sex expert, but i think i can relate. in short. sex is much more of an emotional thing for girls, rather than a sexual thing. if you dont have emotional excitement, you're not going to have physical excitement.
try reading some erotica instead of looking at porn and see if that helps.
>>17197198
I've actually tried slutting it up on omegle and while it's fun for a while, it really doesn't get me sufficiently going, either. All the guys are gross and kind of predatory. I know I'm safe being a computer screen but just the thought that this dude would fuck me regardless of whether I'm into it kind of puts me off.
>>17197200
Every time. No matter how hard I'm trying to look at porn or think about kinky things, I just get bored and go back to browsing /b/. Or anime.
Never had one at all. I think I've done permanent damage to my cunt trying to force the vibrator to do something.
>>17197211
I don't like romance. I've tried having boyfriends but that is boring and I don't feel like being emotionally invested in anything nor be responsible of someone else's feelings.
I just want to get some kind of a release.
>>17197261
I've been there, and it's rough. Do you ever get to a point where sensation kinda peaks for a little bit, but it's weird and kinda uncomfortable and you have to stop during or immediately after?
Also, you can't damage your cunt permanently. It is possible to overstimulate and becomes so used to that overstimulation that gentler stuff doesn't work, but a break from the powerful stuff will bring sensation back.
>>17197285
I almost got to it ONCE. But then I realised I was close and it just fucking disappeared. Never really been able to even get turned on after that, now that I think about it.
It wasn't weird or uncomfortable, it was like when you're really almost just about to sneeze, and then it doesn't happen.
>>17197303
Yeah, I hate that.
For me what it took was a lot of experimentation and persistence, and also making myself able to focus.
One of my tricks for keeping my brain on task is listening to music. I use it for most everything, and it also lets me pass time doing something and not really worry about how much time it's taking.
You also need to adapt your toys to the stimulation that works best for you. Standard vibrators never cut it for me. Too buzzy. I needed something with more rumble. I also needed very precise clitoral stimulation. Experiment, figure out what you like and figure out how to make that happen better.
I also found out eventually that I had better luck with something really gentle and a slow build rather than hard and fast. Hard and fast got too overstimulatey too quickly, and then I'd get to that peak, and I'd try to force it but by then my systems weren't willing to keep going. Sometimes it's been helpful to stop when I notice that happening and start over from almost the beginning.
Do you use lube when you masturbate? That can also be a huge difference. Since I have trouble getting aroused I never have enough on my own, and not having lubrication makes friction an issue, which makes overstimulation happen a lot sooner.
The first one is also going to be the hardest. You haven't yet figured out what works. Once you actually get it, you'll know what yo do to bring it about again. And the more orgasms you have, the more it's reinforced and the easier it gets. You'll still have off days sometimes but overall it becomes a lot easier.
>>17197303
Sounds like a mental block. You are way too stressed and think of this as a performance thing. Do you have similar anxieties with real sex?
>>17197346
I have a bullet vibrator. I have operated a chainsaw more quiet than that thing, though, and the noise always puts me off since I know it's audible to other rooms and the whole house knows I'm either touching myself or putting together a fighter jet.
I don't use lube, but I get wet easily. That's how I learned that getting wet and actually being aroused are two different, separate things.
>>17197362
Oh, I fucking hate sex. I've never been able to go on a date with a guy out of fear that I'll have to put out. I've never been able to agree to it sober, and it's been years since I could last stomach getting drunk enough to go through with it.
>>17197389
This is a mental block. Go see a therapist.
>>17197389
I suggest upgrading to something quiet. That kind of distraction is a massive bonerkiller,
>>17197418
I've told about it to a psychiatrist. He told me to go to a gynecologist. If I go to a gynecologist, he'll tell me to go to a psychiatrist.
Can't I just fix it myself? Force it to happen? You said that the first time is the hardest, so if I can just do it once I should be ok?
Is there no way to force it to happen? People have had orgasms from being raped.
>>17197440
Force is the wrong word. You have to learn to relax. Why do you hate sex for example?
>>17197440
I think you're going about this in the wrong way. I don't think you need a therapist. I think you just need to figure out the magic combination.
What you really need is privacy, a toy that works, and some uninterrupted time to yourself. You also need to ease up on the pressure. I know it's frustrating to work so hard and feel like you get nothing out of it, but letting yourself get worked up like that is going to be a problem.
Try masturbating regularly, not because you need release, but as a no-pressure sort of way to experiment with your body and figure out what is the most effective. Keep chipping at it instead of trying to force it. You can get there, you just need to relax and not stress out so much about it.
>>17197446
I don't like knowing that men don't like me, they just like fucking me. They'll like fucking me if I like being fucked, and they'd like fucking me just as much if I didn't like it at all. It's just easier for them if I do.
>>17197450
I live with someone who works from home and a NEET who never leaves the house.
How do I privacy? Do I fap at work?
>>17197453
Are you attractive?
>>17197463
Is there any time when you're awake and nobody else is? Up late, or up early?
You could also try getting something quiet and waterproof and try during a bath.
>>17197477
I have no objective way to assess that.
>>17197483
My work/sleep schedule is very different from anyone else in the house, but I worry that the vibrator's noise would wake them up.
We don't have a bath. Only shower.
>>17197499
I'm interested in your opinion, because you said that you are frustrated that men want to fuck you, but not you. What qualities do you have that you would like men to like? People aren't looked just for existing.
>>17197507
It just irrationally upsets me to know that women are interchargeable to these people. I know you don't care what kind of a pig the ham you're buying from the store used to be, and it's unreasonable to expect you to, but I still dislike it.
I'm just too insecure as a person to feel confident while not getting treated like one.
>>17197527
This is your problem. Insecurity and stress stemming from that. It's not just women that are interchangeable, everyone is. People are attracted to certain qualities in donations else, physical or non physical. These qualities are there in numerous people though.
>>17197536
Then what am I supposed to do?
I don't like getting used and I don't see what I can do to change that.
>>17197547
You're not getting used you dolt.
He gets sex, you get sex, you both benefit.
Unless that is not the real reason why you don't like sex, in which case you're still a fucking dolt for not understanding the question.
>>17197547
Have sex with people who you love
>>17197620
how do I love someone I actually have a chance with?
If you could find a guy who isn't a total sleaze and was patient and willing to help (in short, boyfriend/husband material), you could try having them get you off with a finger.
My girlfriend can't get off easily by herself, and I think she has a bit of a mental block about it, but I wanted to learn how to get her off, so I practiced hitting her g-spot with my fingers. Took a lot of practice and patience, but mental blocks be damned I know now how to get her off 9/10 times.
We have actually made it a regular part of our sex, and the whole experience is much better for the both of us.
>>17197645
>can't get a boyfriend because hate sex
>can't enjoy sex because no boyfriend??
What am I supposed to do??
Force myself to put out and hope one of them sticks around?
>>17197674
No, you find the guy who doesn't expect sex, but is willing to help once you get to the point you want it.
In short, you look for a decent guy who isn't just a drooling horndog. Trust me, we exist, the mature, restrained men.
>>17197681
And where am I supposed to find one?
>>17197687
I'd tip all day if it helped people improve their quality of life. Also, other corny failed witty remarks.
And it's not like I am trying to get anything out of this either. Just offering my take on things.
>>17197690
I can't imagine it would be hard to find a decent guy. Recognising them is probably the hard part. I wouldn't likely be a good example for most people (I freely admit I am great at certain things, but I am a boring nerd. I just got lucky ebough to find someone who loves me in spite of that.) But I imagine most decent guys are just getting on with life, so I'd have to say just live life and date as normal until it clicks.
>>17197745
>date as normal
What does that mean?
>>17197797
Honestly? I don't have a clue. I never really dated (long story.)
But going out and interacting with people, asking them out etc is going to be the best way to find someone compatible and decent (if you just avoid people you get nowhere.)
>>17197809
People don't do that where I'm from. You don't just go talking to strangers minding their own business in a grocery store. That's weird and creepy.
>>17197820
Try connecting with people based on your interests. Meet people who are involved with your hobbies. If you're meeting new people you are meeting new friends and potential mates.
>>17197843
I don't have interests sane straight men are into, and I can't have regular hobbies because of my job.
Where can you meet people in a small town at any time of the day?
>>17197863
I think I might've figured out a root problem to all of this.
You keep thinking that things can't happen. That you can't orgasm, that you can't enjoy sex, that there are no decent guys out there, that relationships aren't worth it, that no sane men are into things that you're into.
Even if unlikely, anything and everything is possible. You're shooting yourself in the foot by dealing in absolutes. You don't try because you've decided beforehand that it will never happen. Try reevaluating things from "this will never happen" to "maybe this will happen", and act accordingly.
Optimism is something that you have to practice, and do so actively. Bad stuff happens, and it sucks. But because it hasn't happened before doesn't mean it won't happen some other time. When bad shit happens, remember that it was that attempt that didn't work. There's always going to be another option, another route you can take, another attempt you can try. The past doesn't determine the future.
>>17197881
I know there are decent men out there. I just can't uphold the lifestyle required to meet any. I have nothing to offer to them.
I do a 3-shift job, the shifts are erratic ans beyond my control. I can't sign up to a book club if there's a 60% chance I'm working or asleep during that time.
What option do you suggest I take?
>>17197896
Look around your area for low-pressure things you can do, or try online. If you even meet somebody once and exchange contact information, you can keep up a conversation with them via email, text, IM, etc., and be able to do so on your own time.
The more you expand your social circles, the more opportunity you'll have to meet new people. Friends can introduce you to friends and it becomes a cascading effect.
And if you can find a way to make your schedule ease up without impacting you negatively, do your best to make that work.
>>17197911
Sorry to be annoying, but what are "low-pressure things you can do"? I didn't have any friends as a kid and I just grew up watching TV and browsing the internet. I have no idea what adults do outside, save for walking dogs and getting drunk.
>>17197928
Here's an example. There's a geek club pretty close to me that hosts all sorts of stuff like music, crafts, video and tabletop gaming, etc. They have events regularly but there's no obligation to go to any of them.
You can also find online forums involving stuff you like, like book groups, etc.
Try searching online for things in your area, or send out some feelers among people that you know for things that they do together. Another example, a cousin of mine is hosting a holiday get-together at a nearby park with food and football and kayaking.
>>17197946
My country has a fairly tight-knit Tumblr community, but I don't talk to any of the big names there and they'd all chocke of anxiety at the mere concept of the presence of a heterosexual cis man, so that is out of the question.
The art museum has knitting snd some woman's paintings and an event for little kids.
Doesn't sound like stuff unmarried straight 16-26-year old men would attend.
>>17197976
Maybe, but friends mean a larger social network which means more opportunity to meet people. You can make friends through meeting friends of friends. Little steps.
>>17197303
Try putting your clit under a faucet, like in a bathtub. That's what I used to do. It feels really fucking good even if you don't get there. Idk if it'll work but if you haven't tried it it's worth a shot.
>>17198013
That sounds exhausting. I think I'll rather watch anime and die alone.
>>17198034
No bathtub.
>>17198045
Well you obviously don't need a guy in order to get off. But the option is there, if you choose.
>>17198092
I don't have the energy to remain functional and pursue friendships in order to pursue a relationship in order to get off in order to get some kind of a spark in my life to carry on living.
>>17197147
She doesn't get sexual pleasure from sex. She gets it from dominating men's desire to have sex.
Got to think more Fredonia
>>17198154
What kind of nonsense is that?
If I could control men's sex drive, I'd make it stop existing altogether forever and never be sad or scared again!
>>17198167
What the fuck is wrong with you
