How soon is too soon to know that you want to be with someone?
>Met a guy online
>Start talking all day everyday
>We are into the same things
>He is adorable even though he has his flaws
>Want to meet him
>He says we're exclusive
>Be still my heart
How fast is too fast? I've never felt so drawn to a person like this!
Have any of you anons ever gotten into something quickly? Did it work out?
>Have any of you anons ever gotten into something quickly? Did it work out?
ROMEO
O, let us hence; I stand on sudden haste.
FRIAR LAURENCE
Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.
>>17192123
This made my smile. Thanks anon.
Wouldn't running fast lead to a positive end goal faster?
>>17192082
Wait. Make sure you really know the person first. Make sure he's not an asshole who is just infatuated or is just looking for fuck
>>17192131
Glad you got a kick out of it. I'll give you a more serious answer this time, speaking with a little bit of experience.
Rushing into things is fun and exciting. However, you need to be aware of something: that fun and excitement WILL wear off. This is presuming that you two end up being compatible and really like being with one another. That attraction you feel WILL diminish, and likewise for the other person. The strange will become familiar, and the exciting will become normal. This is not always a bad thing, but it is definitely a different thing, and you have to be prepared for that.
However, with this sort of haste in a relationship, you could also be jumping headfirst into something you aren't prepared for. Most relationships are built up over time, and if you jump into something serious without that build-up, you may well discover that you were enamored with an idea of a person only to find that they are much different in reality.
tl;dr, this could be a fun thing, perhaps even a great thing, but be prepared to learn otherwise too.
>>17192151
I really know he isn't. I consider myself to be a good judge of character and I am usually the one initiating sexual stuff. He considers himself to be socially awkward but I think he's adorkable.
Too soon is if you take a too big risk too fast that could lead to heartbreak. If you can solve problems well together, he seems decent, and you get along really well, try it. You will only know more of him if you get closer to him.
I personally fell for a person literally overnight (online) and it was mutual. We made it work and we are almost at our 10 year anniversary.
Just be damn careful, and make sure you can deal with any added stress the relationship might bring.
It really does depend on the individuals how these situations work out. Failure rates are much higher, but that doesn't negate the successes.
>>17192154
I don't feel much of a "new fling" type infatuation. I feel more of a comfortable intensity and dependence.
>Most relationships are built up over time, and if you jump into something serious without that build-up, you may well discover that you were enamored with an idea of a person only to find that they are much different in reality.
Hmm. I hadn't thought of that... I already think I know most of his character flaws... but I think I have to consider this more. Thanks for the great advice anon!
>>17192165
What would you consider a big risk to be? I'm considering flying out to see him this summer.
>>17192174
That's exactly what I want! Where did you meet them? And was it long distance?
>>17192160
Ha - okay then, go for it. Only way you're going to learn is from experience on this one.
>>17192182
Maybe I'm naïve, but hopefully I'll learn from good experiences!
>>17192178
Having too high expectations without knowing him well enough, and as a result trusting him with things that he may use to hurt you intentionally or unintentionally. What you feel is infatuation. You know a tiny piece of him, the rest is filled by your imagination with the best imaginable. As you get to know him better, you will get a more realistic picture.
you make sex, then eventually you move in together. once you fart enough near one another, give it a year or so, then you'll see if he's your gravy to your potato... then you'll know
>>17192082
it ain't gonna work out brah,trust me
>>17192191
Whoa. Hard truth. I've made him aware of my expectations both long and short term, but I think you're very right anon. Thanks for telling me what I need to hear.
Guy here.
I usually take things slow.
I never trust a girl who fell in love with me within less than 2 weeks. (to a point of obsession)
>>17192181
I met them through a forum (shared interests) and we decided to take it to whatever it was before skype. We lived ridiculously far away, she had a little trouble with English at the time and I was completely incapable of speaking her mother tongue (not the case anymore though), and we spent roughly 2 years talking online/telephone/text messages before finally meeting. Everything went well, moved in together, and its been over 6 years since I moved in.
>>17192210
That makes sense. This is totally not my style either. Typically I wait to be pursued but I just can't this time. I'm not in love with him, but damn close.
>>17192213
How often did you Skype in the beginning? How was the initial meeting? Did you find there was a difference between the online her and real life her? Did you come to her?
>>17192202
You said you were a good judge of character and are good at spotting infatuation, but that ability is heavily impaired if we ourselves are infatuated. Try to judge your own behavior. Do you think your behavior towards him is reasonable given the amount of information you have about him, or what you feel in love for has a fantasy part? I'd yes, step a bit back.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad at falling for someone early. Just keep in mind that you may get things wrong and as a result become vulnerable or act unattractive. I'm guessing you know well the other side of being infatuated about.
>>17192234
I look at it this way. Over the last little while, we have spent HOURS talking. We've talked about everything from our childhoods to our families to our goals for the future. Most people don't talk about this until they have been dating for a couple months yet they continue to invest time and effort and money into a relationship with that person. Therefore, I think that my behavior towards him is reasonable. I've asked him if things were going to fast and he didn't think so. And I've tried to give things a break and not talk to him so much but I can't help it. I like to get what I want and he's it.
>>17192225
The initial meeting was via the forums, and that evening I asked her if she wanted to chat properly, at which point we started to "skype" for the first time. At this point we were simply trying to be friends (a little awkward, I'll admit) but I quickly realised that she was incredibly special and everything I had ever felt like I was missing in my life. Within days I had worked up the nerve to ask her if she wanted to be my girlfriend. I was lucky enough for her to say yes despite the rather nuts speed at which we had gotten to that point, and after this we attempted to talk daily (not always possible, but we made a herculean effort to spend as much time "together" as possible.)
Things were a bit rocky at times (the relationship was incredibly fulfilling in itself, but the distance and lack of physical contact was almost crippling) and we both knew we had to fight like wolves to make the distance not matter. And we did, over time we got everything in order, and I flew halfway around the planet to be with the most important person in my world.
I have no regrets, at all, and I look forward to all the years ahead of us.
>>17192249
Awe! I'm very glad that you've found happiness with her! The beginning of your relationship is similar to mine. Although we don't call each other boyfriend and girlfriend (other names instead), it has been 6 days and we're exclusive.
How did you overcome the barriers of long distance? Was the only solution living together? What did you do once things got a little more boring over time?
Adorable story and it's great that things worked out for you guys!
>>17192244
Then keep talking and get closer to him. If you feel he's reliable and decent, go ahead and give him the P.
>>17192260
Haha. Thank-you classy anon. Will do.
>>17192254
The distance, there is nothing more I can say than painful. The more you care, the more the distance hurts you. What helps is making an extreme effort to be there for each other, surprise each other with thoughtful things (I personally found myself writing a lot of poetry with absolutely zero experience) and finding ways to feel closer to each other (playing video games together gives you an avatar to help express yourself, for example, and watching the same TV shows/movies gives you things to discuss like any normal couple would.)
It is not easy to act like a couple when you are far apart. Especially when you crave the simplest things like a hug. The way we dealt with that was to exchange teddy bears. I slept clutching the bear she sent every night - I found myself almost incapable of sleep without it. The knowledge that she had picked it, packaged it and sent it - even knowing that she had held it in her hands - all comforted me. It didn't stop the pain, but it was definitely soothing.
I can't stress enough how much work it is. But if it is truly mutual, it is worth it.
>>17192154
I've done this twice over the past two years. I thought the second time would be different, but nope. Be careful, OP.
>>17192268
For real now, good luck to you and have a happy life with whomever you end up with but be careful.
>>17192275
Yep. This is the anon that managed it, and I agree 100% that caution should be your highest priority at first.
Had it not worked out for me and my girlfriend, I hate to imagine how it would have affected me emotionally. It takes a lot of leaps of faith, and your partner has to catch you or it could all go wrong.
It really does have to be 100% mutual.
>>17192272
Yeah he's into gaming but I'm not really into it. Do you know any good multiplayer webgames?
Oh my goodness the teddy bear thing is adorable! I might bring that up or at least ask for some of his clothes. Thanks for sharing your experiences anon!
>>17192289
Why did you fall for him? What do you have in common?
>>17192082
You're swept up in infatuation. Might as well go with it because it can be fun, but be aware that it will end and then you have to actually build something. Don't be the girl that just lives for the infatuation and never wants to move beyond it.
>>17192298
Initially what we had in common was sex-related but we like the same music and movies and we think the same about stuff. I think our strengths are complimentary rather than similar.
>>17192316
I'm not that girl at all. I usually don't fall for people because I want something lasting.
>>17192321
This can be a good base for a friendship but why did you fall for him?
>>17192328
I really admire that he has a firm moral grounding and that he doesn't compromise on important things. He has a dog whom he adores and takes care of. He is so smart, but not in a cocky way and he loves his family.
>>17192328
He is also really loving and affectionate so we are compatible in that way.
>>17192325
I find this to be an odd statement. What if you fall for someone and that leads to something serious and lasting?
>>17192289
MMO's are pretty good, a level of customisation, activities to do together, etc. World of Warcraft is decent, and Final Fantasy XIV is also very good, but depending on your PC and his interests, there are lots of potential games. A free option is Tree of Saviour, recently released on steam, which I quite like, so just talk to him about it and see what a good option is.
They are quite fun too, so you might even get quite into them.
There are also console options if you happen to have one (FFXIV is on PS4 as well as PC, and can be played cross console.)
There are also plenty of multiplayer games that aren't MMO's. Borderlands is a great example (if you can stomach shooters) so keep that in mind.
Even handhelds can be good, like Pokemon. If you knew what he liked already I could get a lot more specific (I am a huge nerd. My girlfriend too, she is an MMO nut.)
>>17192351
I mean to say that I don't fall for a lot of people because I'm waiting for something lasting.
>>17192354
Unfortunately I don't have steam because I have a Chromebook. Although I can dual boot my little chromebook probably wouldn't be able to handle those! Any webgame recommendations?
>>17192341
>>17192342
>girl attracted to decency
Wow, you may give back my hope in humanity.
>>17192354
He is into PC gaming but he has a ps4 he plays older games on. He has been playing stellaris (?) a lot and also fallout 4.
>>17192372
Also he has a huge d! Just kidding.
>>17192379
Too late, now the truth has come out. This is what you were attracted to in the first place.
>proceeds to cuff an iron ball to ankle and jump off a bridge
>>17192388
Attracted to in lust, yes.
But attracted to enough that I would fly to see him, no.
>>17192394
>damage control
Admit it, the sexual thing that you had in common and you liked about him in the first place is the reason you are flying.
>>17192361
I have no experience with Chromebooks, but it should be possible to get on steam (by dualboot at the very least) and check out the free to play stuff etc.
>>17192376
Fallout etc are very good, but quite a few of those aren't multiplayer (Fallout is definitely single only.) If he is interested in multiplayer PS4 is a pretty good platform, and it can double as a netflix machine when you aren't gaming, etc. So might be worth asking about and discussing.
>>17192400
Nope. I'm flying because I'd like to see a long term relationship with him. If I just wanted sexual stuff I would make him come to me. (And in me hehe)
>>17192409
Yeah I can get steam, but I don't really have enough memory for most games. I will probably look into getting a PC or he might build me one. You seem like a pretty wise person so I'd also like to get your opinion on our age gap. I'm 19 and he is 28...
>>17192422
His d must be really big, and he must have promised you some really dirty things.
>>17192431
No comment
>>17192282
Careful with what?
>>17192427
That is quite the gap. I'd be a little extra wary, as the age gap can be tricky - you may find over time that you share less in common than you initially thought, among other problems (for example, he may be more health conscious than you, and may not drink as much, and he may also find it harder to trust you given your own age, and so on.)
Also, I don't want to go dark, but he could be a sexual predator. They do tend to aim at younger, potentially more niave women, so just keep an eye open for strange behaviour, just in case. It doesn't hurt to be careful.
You seem to be pretty clever, but it can be easy to ignore warning signs when you are falling head over heels. Just try to apply a little wisdom to the situation and you should be just fine.
my parents met in june, were a couple in sept and married in november
that was +30 years ago tho
>>17192443
We are pretty much at the same place in life and I consider myself to be slightly mature for my age. I don't really have a party lifestyle at all. Both him and I like to stay in.
As for the sexual predator stuff, that isn't a concern.
>He is adorable even though he has his flaws
literally, no one is perfect.
>>17192452
Are they happily married though? Yeah times have kinda changed.
>>17192454
I'm sure it probably isn't a concern (not every person is a dangerous individual) but keep an open mind about the possibility. I am not saying doubt him, just don't let yourself be blind if there is something fishy going on.
It's really not much different than a normal date, but meeting online just makes masking funny behaviour easier.>>17192458
>>17192484
Ignore that last quote/post link, finger slipped.
>>17192427
>I'm 19 and he is 28
>>17192452
>that was +30 years ago tho
I'm sure the divorce rate back then wasn't as awful as it is now.
>>17192439
Careful that you barely know him, careful that he may have lied, careful that he might be abusive, careful that you don't get blinded by your feelings, careful that you don't have irrealistic expectations.
Men go to ridiculous lengths to get young pussy, and as they get older they amass enough experience to know what to say in almost every situation to get what they want.
>>17192484
I'm not OP, but I've been lurking the thread because I'm somewhat in a similar situation.
The guy I met online wanted to meet me after just two months talking. We talk through text, voice notes and online messages, but never actually talked.
I obviously didn't accept that kind of meeting, the red flaws were really obvious. But we kept talking ever since, and it has been going on and off for about six/seven months. There's quite the age gap too...
Should I just quit with all of this? Keep him just as a long distance friend?
>>17192512
Wouldn't it be way easier and less expensive to get someone young in their home country rather than someone from really far away?
>>17192524
What were the red flags?
>>17192244
>We've talked about everything from our childhoods to our families to our goals for the future.
No offense, but the fact that you're 19 is why you think this is so profound. Here's the truth, it isn't. You probably think he's so special cause boys your age don't care to talk about things like that, all I am saying is that a "deep" conversation isn't an indication of anything, relationships are built on way more than just sharing about where you grew up and your dreams for the future.
>>17192535
Where do you two live?
(the same question can be asked of you too, wouldn't it be easier to get a good man from your home country with the same culture?)
And the answer is no because in 2016 it's not distance that matters, it's put in effort and availability. He put a few days of conversation effort into you, and you're flying. That's crazy good return of investment. Some men have the patience to groom girls for months.
>>17192542
Wanting to meet me way too soon, falling in love with me before meeting. He is too clingy from time to time.
>>17192558
The anon you just replied to isn't me. I'm OP. I don't really care to reply to all of that frankly.
>>17192547
No, I totally get what you mean but we have both really opened up to one another. I get that he's unlike boys my age just because he's older but there's something more.
>>17192570
OP does the same, she fell for him almost instantly and wants to meet. What's your opinion of this situation?
>>17192577
>but there's something more.
There isn't.
Good luck to you though
>>17192524
>after just two months talking
Would it be any different if you met them in real life first?
>>17192581
You only get to know what the other person wants to show. There isn't a true interaction where you bond over qualities and the lack of them. You don't get to experience the way the other person involves with their surroindings.
But I do believe in emotional bonds, and if what is shared is based in true honesty and sincerity, it can work out, if both partners want to cooperate in that. The other aspects can be learnt and accepted. But it's a huge leap of faith, specially when there's someone with 10 or so years of experience in this life ahead of you.
>>17192598
Op here.
I totally agree with your first point. I told my sibling about him and he actually asked to talk to them to hear about me from another perspective, and I'm going to do the same.
Where did you meet?
