All right /adv/, long time lurker, rarely post, but I'm gonna pick anon's brain on my current plight.
I've started texting this girl. We texted a couple weeks before I tried to bring up dating to her and, spoiler alert, she's got a boyfriend. Now here's the kicker, her boyfriend is certifiably worthless. He thinks seeing her more than once or twice a week is "smothering", she's complained about his emotional unavailability, complained they don't communicate enough, shit like that. It's a long-term on again/off again relationship that she's obviously only in because she can't tolerate the idea of being alone.
Many people are constantly telling her what a shambles her relationship is (I avoid this like the plague though, don't wanna be that guy) and she's told me straight up it's just something she's going to live with until she decides to change it.
She and I on the other hand get along really well and she texts me several times each week. We share a lot of interests and always have something to talk about. She ticks a lot of the "ideal mate" boxes and I would kill for a shot with her which she basically said I could have if she didn't have a boyfriend.
Well if you're still with me, I guess I'm just looking for guidance or advice, wisdom from anons with experience pursuing taken women. The more we talk the more it seems like her relationship is approaching an off again point. I just don't know though.
You should keep up the status quo with her. But keep your expectations low. If I were you, I'd chase after other girls while keeping up with her. That way even if she doesn't break up with her boyfriend, you wouldn't have wasted too much time.
You're being an "emotional whore". She's just using you to get the gratification that she's not getting in her current relationship. If you want to be friends with her, that's all well and good, but if she wanted to date you, she would've already.
>>17179965
That's a fair point, and I'm trying to avoid the oneitis. But like I said, she ticks a lot of the ideal mate boxes. Plus, being an introverted socially awkward semi-shut in makes it difficult to meet women.
>>17179978
Thats not always the case where the girl just uses another guy to blow off emotional steam. You never know what the real reason is, this girl may very well like OP a lot. Thats why I am recommending him to just date other girls while hes doing this.
Thats how you get girls, while hes dating these other girls, he won't be too invested because hes got the original chick in his mind, but conversely, he'll start being less invested in the original chick as well. You know what bitches love? Guys who aren't too invested and have other options because that screams social value.
>>17179978
That's a not unexpected theory, but I don't think it's entirely accurate. I'm sure she appreciates the dynamic we have that's so different from her relationship, but she's also incredibly loyal. Whether she wants to date me or not is moot since as long as she is still with her boyfriend it's a not a scenario she'll seriously consider. But I know that if I had met her several months ago when she was once again broken up with her boyfriend, I'd totally have had a shot.
My worst quality really is timing.
"Never rescue a damsel in distress. It's only a matter of time before she needs to be rescued from you."
I know this from personal experience and seeing a lot of friends try to win this game. You're not going to learn until you've been burned a few times, though. Look forward to getting a lot of your shit stolen.
>>17180152
I'm not trying to "rescue" anyone. This doesn't even really make sense because the implication is she's a serial... relationship haver? That is, she goes door to door complaining about her relationship in the hopes of staring another one so she can go door to door complaining about her relationship in the hopes of starting another...? But this relationship she's in now is the only serious one she's been in before.
Communication is a good first step.
>>17179956
I've been approached by unavailable women for most of my life. One of them dumped her boyfriend to date me. She turned out to be a total mental case. I was no image of emotional stability at the time either, but the bitch made my issues look like nothing.
People who jump from one relationship to the next or stick with their partners for long period of time because they're afraid of being alone are nutcases. Avoid them at all costs.
Take it from someone with over a decade of experience attempting to steal women from bad boyfriends: IT'S NOT WORTH IT!
>>17179956
If she isnt loyal to him she wont be loyal to you stealing a girl from a dude can feel awesome but in the end shes not long term material shes a whore.
>>17180799
>>17180826
Here's the problem with these assumptions: first of all, I was the one doing the approaching. She told me immediately after I expressed interest in her that she was unavailable but enjoyed talking to me and being friends. The rockiness with her boyfriend has always been there and she has dated around between getting back with her boyfriend in the off again times. But she's never cheated on him (that I know of, I know, "all women are cheating liars hur dur") so I don't question her loyalty in a relationship.
Bump for more opinions, I appreciate all the input even if it looks like I'm just shooting it down and ignoring advice, I promise I'm still listening.
Won't really bring advice to you but i'm in a similar case
Been talking to this girl for a few weeks, it was going great, then she asked to see me, and the day before seeing me she told me she had a bf
I still went on the date, and it went great.
She explained that her bf was her ex that came back (she left him because he was a lazy junkie), he told her that he changed and pretty much said she got him back because "everyone deserves a second chance" but she didn't seem convinced, she still complained about him not doing anything and stuff.
Now she wants to see me again, it's weird because it went like a perfect first date, except she has a bf. She looks genuinely into me, and i don't know what to think about that
>>17181416
I feel your pain anon. Your case sounds even more complicated than mine since she's actively trying to engage you in dates and such. Though yours sounds like she's getting fed up with her boyfriend's BS same as mine though.
I'd just say be careful anon. It's entirely possible that she's genuinely interested in you and still has doubts about her ex, but any girl who is going to date around with a boyfriend is just as likely to do the same to you.
i don't know, everything seems to go perfectly, she """just""" has a bf. Which she took back just because she felt like he deserved a second chance (but complained about him)
On the other hand, th date was so cool, she kept holding eye contact, touched me, we laughed a lot...
She also admitted she liked me
And in my mind i just can't imagine her having feelings for her "bf" while in the meantime she wants to spend time with me and all.
The thing is yeah, she might be "that" kind of girl, but she told me he came back to her like two weeks before we saw each other, which is around the same time we started talking.
She might have took him back because she didn't have feelings for anyone at the time, then i come into her life, she likes me and now she doesn't know what to do. I'm just entirely assuming because i don't know shit, but that could be likely
>>17181501
Just be careful dude. Don't be the reason she breaks off the relationship, because then she's leaving him for another guy, and that next guy could be someone else.
>>17181390
Alright, guy, let's put this differently.
If your girlfriend or your wife got propositioned by someone and she turned them down, but then she keeps in constant, regular contact with them... How would that feel and what would you think?
>>17182003
It's not constant regular contact. We have a conversation a few times a week. People have friends. Are you really so paranoid?
"Faint heart never won fair maiden."
Take your shot.
