im fucked

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im tired of everything, i get depressed, i get anxious, i want love and hate, i wanna take care of a woman who loves me back, and i wanna kill people, i want action, i want blood, im not joking, i wanna kill a lot of people, i wanna get shot, i wanna feel alive, becouse i havent felt like so for years, i dont even care much about money now, i wanna mess with people, i wanna play games, catch the mice xD whats your stand on this? ive been to a couple psychiatrists but they have proven to be complete idiots, i feel like this would stop as soon as i got someone to tell me i love you, thats all im asking for, but if thats too much to ask for, i guess asking for your life is just as pointless