This is /adv/

Anyways he's too immature for your situation. Kids require patience, especially when you're not the child's father. I know it's not something learned, but a quality you either have or you don't. I don't see this going well

does the kid run around screaming and breaking things all day?

what do you mean by holding him up to way too high standars

>>17142978
Yea, what is he expecting of the kid that's such a high standard?

>>17142957
i figured... my pc somehow slipped and first showed my thread in the catalog of /ck/

i'm not so sure about the immaturity thing. i thought about it too. but i think it's something you can't expect people who have no kids on their own or a lot of contact with toddlers in general to "have".
our relationship is wonderfull in every other aspect. i really want to try all i can to make this work. ofc, in the end, it can't work if he doesn't lower his expectations. i haven't told him yet, but plan on talking to him about it later today. i just want to think of possible solutions or things that might help us make this work.

i'll give you an example of what i'm talking about.

>workday, so my son had kinergarden in the morning and was a bit tired from a long day
>bf is coming over and suggests that we go out and get pizza
>i'm down with that and son is thrilled too
>we go there and my son is sitting down at the table
>we wait for the waitress to come and get our orders
>son is starting to get bored just sitting there so he is starting to climb around on his bench a bit
>i can tell my bf is tensing up
>i tell my son to make sure his shoes don't go on the seat and to try to be a bit more patient, trying to get him interested in watching the pizza guy but pizzas into the huge stone oven
>he's hungry and tired so not interested
>waitress comes and takes orders
>brings glass of water for son
>son sits still again and drinks his water, when the glass is empty, he tries to get the last bit out and it makes a slurping sound
>bf gives him "the look"
>my salad arrives and i offer my son to dip a piece of bread in the vinagrette
>he does but doesn't want to eat the rind because it was honestly a bit burned
>bf is annoyed at that again
>main course arrives and my son eats in peace and silence, even eats up his whole plate (very unusual for him, he's not a biig eater)
>by now he's really tired and we need to go home again cause it's high time for bed
cont.

>>17142982
>>17142978
>>17142977
see>>17142986

>>17142986
cont.
>we haven't finished our meals yet but i can tell that son is VERY tired by now
>tell him to take off his shoos and lay on the bench we both sit and that he can lay his head on my lap and close his eyes for a while
>there were'nt many people and it wasn't visible that he was lying on the bench from any side. it also wasn't THAt much of a fancy restaurant but my bf is visibly disturbed that i offered my son to do that
>we finish and proceed to pay
>the waitress brings a lollipop for my son and he sleepingly mutters "thank you" to which my bf reacts by telling him to propperly thank the lady
>we get home and i proceed to get him ready for bed
>bring him to bed but it takes a bit longer than usually till he is able to calm down

i could tell that my bf was annoyed about that whole evening despite me thinking that my son was behaving really good for a tired 5 yo...

he just sounds like he's trying to raise the kid with manners but has no idea what to do. Did he have a father growing up or was he absent? I think the best thing to do in this situation is talk with your boyfriend but don't give him any ultimatums that would make him feel bad.

>>17142996
All this stuff seems like pretty standard kid stuff.
Boyfriend has a bit of a stick up his ass

>>17143001
he told me that table manners where really big at home when he grew up. i value good manners myself, but i have seen my son start from zero and i know that where he is right now is already huge. for me it's amazing hof far he has come. i compare his table manners to how they where when we started out. bf is comparing my sons table manner to an adult and ofc he can't life up to that.
he comes from a very perfect family. i think he doesn't remember that he wasn't born with perfect manners either. but he might have been faster with learning them, cause he had a SAHM and an older brother to teach him. and he also had a very loving and balanced dad.

He actually cares for your son, he just don't know how to deal with a child of that age. That's a good sign.

I'm a guy with a fwb who has two child and a crush on me, if he didn't give a shit about your child he wouldn't act like this belive me.

>>17143007
i work with kids myself and i know what you can expect kids to do at what age and my son is pretty standart. he Is on the wild side, but hey, he's a little boy.
i don't know what to do to get rid of that stick in his ass without making him feel bad.

>>17142957
> I know it's not something learned, but a quality you either have or you don't

That's completely false. Anyone can learn how to deal with children, as long as they're not retarded.

>>17142986
>>17142996
I don't know if there's anything you can do about it. it's not necessarily that your boyfriend doesn't know how to deal with children, but that he can't stand them. I have no idea how you would go about "fixing" that. Some people just get annoyed by children, it has nothing to do with age, education or experience.

>>17143023
That's bullshit. He's just annoyed by the kid. He'd react the same way if he was sitting on the same table with a kid he doesn't even know.

>>17143023
i know he does. and i love him even more for that. now i just need to find a way to help him not fuck up my son in the process. i have told him that i don't expect him to be a "dad" and that he should only go as far as he feels comfortable with my son and that he can always talk to me if there's something he want's to discuss concerning my son. i do have some issues with my son i'm currently working on (mainly him having slight problems with sitting still and not interrupting the teacher in kindergarden) and i do talk about that with my bf. this might have sent some wrong signals, making him think he needs to keep a "close eye" on my son...

>>17143029
>can't stand them
he, himself states that he loves kids. and he definiely wants some on his own. he's looking after the neighbours boy sometimes and i know he is really popular with his friends kids.

but i can't help and think that it's a bit like this anon suggests>>17143033

i know i get annoyed at kids from strangers myself. and sometimes it seems to be the same with him and my son... and that's very sad and terrifying.
he has low key let me know that he knows that he can only have me with my son atached and that he's "ok" with that. i mean, i'm aware that it would have been way better to get to know him wothout having a kid already, but that's the situation and i can't change it. i don't want my son to feel like he is "tolerated" and that he is an annoying necessity to "deal with".

>>17143044
He may as well say that he loves kids, but I really can't see any other reason why he would get annoyed at your kid for doing silly stuff. Have you seen him around other children the same age as your son? Does he also get annoyed by their "bad behaviors"?

I mean, it would be really weird if he only got annoyed when your son did stuff like that. If that's the case the only reasons I can think of would be that he's either some sort of perfectionist and he wants your son to behave by his standards, or that he feels like your son is embarrassing him somehow. Still, these reasons seem kind of ridiculous as I type them, but if this is the case you can solve it by talking to him. I doubt it though.

>my son is a sweet boy but still just a kid

Jesus christ, let the man be the father of your child if he really wants to.

Single mothers ruin little boys with this "my child is a sweet angel" bullshit. Your son is going to grow up to be an etitled little shit if he doesn't learn simple things like patience at a young age.

>>17142986
>>17142996
I think this problem can't really be resolved honestly. I don't think anyone is the bad guy in this picture, but your bf obviously doesn't like young children. This isn't really something you can just work out.

This isnt even a matter of trying to pretend to be the father, he just dislikes behavior you should reasonably expect from a kid.

>>17143044
Look the fact that you have a kid means thsts baggage and however awful this sounds the kid will never be his son

Thst said if he didn't like the kid at all he wouldn't suck it up for your sake
Yes other people's kids annoy you and he's someone else's kid

This is a difficult thing to get adjusted to because you get in a relationship and you all of a sudden have a kid on your back, how old are you? The younger you are the worse it is

And yes kids are better wheb they arent yours as you only see the fun side, he can kove kids but its still hard

Your bf may also suffer from knowing the kid will never look up to him and that he is inadequate and all of that

Talk to him but be careful its a weird subject to tackle and you may misunderstand one another so watch out so you dont fight about it