My girlfriend is on the larger side, she is around 210lbs at 5'7". She also has Keratosis Pilaris which makes some of her skin look and feel rough (pic related).
I'm not a model myself, but I'm am in decent shape and I think I look overall pretty good. My weak points are my hair and my style (which she has influenced and made better)
My girlfriend will not go on runs with me, or try exercise at all. I have tried to spin it in so many ways and she just won't do it. She has started losing weight when she got on the pill, so now she thinks she doesn't need to do anything. We both have bad genes when it comes to blood pressure, she has body image issues, and she has anxiety attacks. Exercise will help her in all of those issues.
She also will not take any treatment for her skin condition. She says that it goes away with age and now she feels like it would be weird if she did something to make it go away.
The girl has a beautiful face, and is very caring and sweet, but my attraction level to her is low. Not only because of how she looks, but the fact that the two problems she has can easily be improved.
I want to know if there is anything I can do to get through to her. If she just put some effort in, I don't see any reason why I wouldn't ever want another girl.
Why did you date her if she is fat?
Did you think her fat would melt off when she changed her relationship status?
you can't inception a girl into taking better care of herself. you can accept her, or begin plotting an escape from this relationship. don't date someone you want to fix. you figuring out ways for her to "fix" herself is not going to be fun for you or her.
no. being fat is one thing
not even trying to improve yourself is another.
not wanting to do things for stupid bullshit reasons is also a big red flag.
she has no motivation to change so she won't and anything short of you leaving (and maybe not even that) is going to change that.
>>17132113
I looked past it. And she has been losing weight even before I dated her because of the pill. She has dropped like 3 sizes so far.
>>17132115
>you can't inception a girl into taking better care of herself. you can accept her, or begin plotting an escape from this relationship. don't date someone you want to fix. you figuring out ways for her to "fix" herself is not going to be fun for you or her.
Its not supposed to be fun. Its not just her looks, she has anxiety and body image issues too, which exercise for help.
It would make her healthier, it would make her more attractive, it would help her mental state.
Even if I am doing it for a selfish reason, it still would help her out tremendously.
>>17132141
she's the only one who can make the changes. you can only do what you've done and say that you care for her and give her suggestions on how to feel/look better. it's on her what she does with that.
I won't even touch the weight since others have addressed it, but keratosis is incurable. It may spontaneously go away. It's more likely that it will not. Read some good references about the condition (Mayo Clinic, National Institutes of Health, Merck Manual), and print, yes print, and physically plop them in front of her to make sure she reads them too. She needs to see a dermatologist. She can treat keratosis, but how well the treatments work varies from case to case. She will need to be diligent with the treatment and never stop using whatever lotion they prescribe her. Emphasize more strongly how uncomfortable it is to touch her skin, and make sure she knows that 'it will just go away on its own' is a pipe dream.
>>17132100
>she has body image issues, and she has anxiety attacks.
Is she getting therapy? If not, and these problems have persisted for a while, she should be.
>She also will not take any treatment for her skin condition.
>she feels like it would be weird if she did something to make it go away.
Ok wait what? This doesn't sound like a girl with body image and anxiety issues. Sounds like decent self-confidence.
About the keratosis piliaris, like >>17132161 said, she can see a dermatologist and they can usually help. Also depends how bad it is and where it is on the body, you might be able to just ignore it and focus your effort on her weight for now.
It's a bigger problem after all, 210 at 5'7" is well into "obese" territory and puts her at high risk for things like diabetes, heart conditions, poor circulation, etc.
If she has major genetic risk factors like you said, she really needs to lose that fat.
Unfortunately I'm not so good with people, so someone else will have to explain how to convince her to do that.
>>17132100
Drop the fatty. Look man, let's say that you guys get married. Do you think she'll get thinner? Do you think she'll be a good mom that will teach your kids self-control?
In my humble opinion, being fat is right there with smoking as terrible flaws that say much about the person.
>>17132466
>>>17132100 (OP) (You)
>Drop the fatty. Look man, let's say that you guys get married. Do you think she'll get thinner? Do you think she'll be a good mom that will teach your kids self-control?
>In my humble opinion, being fat is right there with smoking as terrible flaws that say much about the person.
I wouldn't marry her unless she lost weight. Her eating habits aren't bad, she actually eats fairly healthy. Its just a lack of exercise.
>>17132455
>>>17132100 (OP) (You)
>>she has body image issues, and she has anxiety attacks.
>Is she getting therapy? If not, and these problems have persisted for a while, she should be.
>>She also will not take any treatment for her skin condition.
>>she feels like it would be weird if she did something to make it go away.
>Ok wait what? This doesn't sound like a girl with body image and anxiety issues. Sounds like decent self-confidence.
>About the keratosis piliaris, like >>17132161 said, she can see a dermatologist and they can usually help. Also depends how bad it is and where it is on the body, you might be able to just ignore it and focus your effort on her weight for now.
>It's a bigger problem after all, 210 at 5'7" is well into "obese" territory and puts her at high risk for things like diabetes, heart conditions, poor circulation, etc.
>If she has major genetic risk factors like you said, she really needs to lose that fat.
>Unfortunately I'm not so good with people, so someone else will have to explain how to convince her to do that.
Its mainly on her back and arms. And when I mean treatment, I mean just taking vitamins or buying a scrubber for in the shower. I don't understand why she won't attempt to make her skin smoother. The skin condition isn't that big of a deal though to me, though.
Diabetes, high blood pressure, and other things are in her genes. I don't think its her fault because her mom spoiled the hell out of her and I don't think she understands exactly.
Her mom works out, I work out, and I have been trying to get her to come with me, or at least take a run with me in the mornings. She always says she is afraid she will look stupid.
I have the same skin thing, it's on my upper arms and thighs and become very visible when I'm cold. Pic related, my arm and this is the least visible in normal temp. It is hard to get rid of but there can be some things to help with the rough feeling... exfoliating and moisturizing the skin.
Google searches for cheap remedies from real people with the condition will be more effective than an expensive lotion from a dermatologist... they don't work.
You need to straight up tell her that you don't feel as attracted to her physically because of the obesity and that it's a medical concern too.
Have you told her how you feel about all this.
Summon your inner asshole
Start like this.
" look babe your fat and your not putting enough effort. I used to look past this because your a sweet girl but I'm losing attraction."
I really don't want to be judgmental but you sound like an asshat.
What I want to know is the main reason you want your girlfriend to change her appearance, is it so she will feel more relaxed in her own body and maybe the anxiety attacks will subside? Or is it because you feel like you deserve a Victoria's secret model and yeah your girl is sweet and all but it would be nice if she were some eye candy too?
I would say that her weight and her skin isn't the biggest problem here, it's her anxiety. Does she have help for this? Because weight and mental state often have a strong correlation. So, I would say start there. Start with the wishes of your girlfriend, instead of your own wishes.
Hasn't this same thread been posted before? Why does her skin condition matter? I don't think it should be as big a deal as you're making it out to be.
>>17132100
>body image issues, and she has anxiety attacks
Why would you date a mental invalid?
>>17133062
>I really don't want to be judgmental but you sound like an asshat.
I can be.
>What I want to know is the main reason you want your girlfriend to change her appearance, is it so she will feel more relaxed in her own body and maybe the anxiety attacks will subside?
Her being more comfortable with herself will be a big plus. There are a lot of reasons I want her to put some effort in.
Or is it because you feel like you deserve a Victoria's secret model and yeah your girl is sweet and all but it would be nice if she were some eye candy too?
Why can't it be all of the above? But I do admit that there are selfish reasons too. I just see her weight as an attribute that can be changed easily. I don't consider her weight as part of her, if that makes sense.
>I would say that her weight and her skin isn't the biggest problem here, it's her anxiety. Does she have help for this?
She's on medicine. Her mom doesn't want to hear her talking about it anymore. I'm pretty much the only person she can talk to about it. I don't know what to do aside from that to help her. I just know that my anxiety is much better if I get exercise.
>Because weight and mental state often have a strong correlation. So, I would say start there. Start with the wishes of your girlfriend, instead of your own wishes.
What do you mean by this?
>>17132100
>an I change my gf's physical appeara
change your girlfriend
>>17133071
>Hasn't this same thread been posted before?
This is my first time on /adv/
>Why does her skin condition matter? I don't think it should be as big a deal as you're making it out to be.
Its not, but its comparable to not cleaning your face when you are having breakouts to me. Its just weird that she hasn't tried anything to improve it.
>>17133088
>>>17132100 (OP) (You)
>>body image issues, and she has anxiety attacks
>Why would you date a mental invalid?
At my age, every girl has fucking mental issues. She's not a drama whore, which goes a long way for me.
>>17132737
>Her eating habits aren't bad, she actually eats fairly healthy. Its just a lack of exercise.
If she's 210lbs at 5'7", her eating habits are pretty awful. Especially if she doesn't exercise. Doesn't matter how healthy the food is, she's eating too much of it.
>>17132748
>She always says she is afraid she will look stupid.
She will, but that's 100% her fault for letting it go this far. If she's that self-conscious, she can start after fixing her diet and getting down to 150 or so.
>>17133062
OP's not an asshat for thinking obesity is a problem, and he isn't even an asshat for wanting his girlfriend to be more attractive, he's just human.
And improving fitness level helps with anxiety. Even largely non-psychological and treatment-resistant cases (like mine), since it reduces stress on the heart and lungs (lower heart rate, better oxygen saturation, less need for sympatholytic medication, etc).
>>17133088
She's not a "mental invalid", good luck finding girls without minor anxiety and body image issues (especially obese girls).
>>17133121
>She's on medicine.
What medicine? Many of them cause weight gain (directly and indirectly).
>>17133196
Not sure, but it is two different kinds. One that stays in her system and one that she takes when she needs it.
Her weight has been dropping slowly, not gaining.
>>17133253
Guessing an SRI and a benzodiazepine then.
Is she going to therapy though? If not, why not?
>>17133279
She's not, her Mom doesn't think she needs it.
>>17133461
>mfw
Her mother thinks she needs to take 2 different psychiatric medications yet doesn't need to talk to a therapist?
fucking dump her breh she is holding you down
/fit/
