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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I hate myself. What practical methods can I implement to change myself?
Pls
Work out do things with friends do something that you would like to start doing
>>17126185
One of my major problems is lack of friends. I and all my childhood friends have a gf, but seek the thrill of doing things with some dudebros that I never got to fully experience that I can't do with my gf.
What's the best way to make new friends? Pretty autistic question, but I've been with my gf so long I'm disconnected from that culture.
>>17126091
Make a point to do one constructive habit everyday (ie going for a walk, making a healthy, writing a journal entry, ect.). If you can commit to at least one, you can then increase the difficulty of your habits (lifting weights, studying something interesting, learning an instrument, ect.)
Choose habits that makes YOU happy. Every time I've tried to shape my life around other people's desires I have failed at being happy. Cut loose.
You need structure in your life before you can think about becoming someone great. You also need to love yourself and forgive yourself after failing. The harder you fail, the easier it will be to do better next time.
Love yourself and the world will love you back. Also, never go to this site looking for advice.
>>17126223
I meant to say making a healthy meal goddammit
>>17126223
Thank you for this. You've given practical advice and inspiration. I like the idea; you start making small improvements and gradually increase the difficulty.
It sounds cliche, but I hold onto the idea that every individual has potential of greatness. I want to do all I can to achieve this. Today's goal is to fill out some job applications. I'm also gonna start tracking calories and measure my strength so I can lose fat ans get /fit/.
And do you not have faith in this advice board? You just legitimately gave me inspiration and practical things to do to improve myself!
>>17126091
how to change your life:
you probably went to bed many many nights and said that tomorrow you are going to
>wake up early
>work out
>eat healthy
>clean the entire apartment
>start the job hunt
>start educating yourself on something new
>start that book
>etc
and hwen you wake up you cross off maybe 1 or 2 things then give up the next day. the reason for this is we are not meant to radically change our lives overnight. otherwise we'd all be perfect. it takes time. 28 days to be precise. doing one thing for 28 days makes it a 'habit' and something you arent likely to drop.
so what you need to do is create a monthly schedule. each month you tackle a really big change. i went through this two years ago when my life was a mess
>january: just fix my fucking sleep cycle. early to bed, early to rise
>february: start working out, at an actual fucking gym too
>march: eat healthy! not just carrots and shit, btu spend ttwo weeks without any junk to prove i can get it out of my system
>april start my new hobby / education (For me it was making a web series)
>may: start a consistent chore chart that i adhere to strictly.
you can do other little thigns each month as well. like starting to apply for jobs should probably be month 1 assuming you dont igve it its own dedicated month. when you do get a job or some major life style change, please remember that your new habits wont carry over immediately. the first week is you getting used to the job. then next week you work working out in to your routine. then eating healthy,. then chores. slowly adapting those hobbies to suit your new job or education.
its okay if you dont immediately catch on with something, thats why you have a month to get it right. the first two weeks are the struggle. by the end of it you'[re on it.
>>17126091
>>17126316
try not to make goals you cannot guarantee, for instance
>MAKE NEW FRIENDS
>GET A GF
you cannot guarantee that anyone will want to be your friend or gf, and at best, you can only guarantee someone who is not good quality. instead, have a month where you start implenting new ways to socialize. forcing yourself to go out twice a week (not to a bar, but anywhere, you'll see in my next set of advice).
when it comes to girls keep in mind that 'working out' does not mean instant success. what attracts women is a nice physique, and it takes time to develop. saying 'IVE BEEN TO THE GYM FOR SIX MONTHS AND NO GIRLS ARE SITTING ON MY FACE YET' is silly because you have maybe just reached the point wherei t starts to show, assuming you were dedicated.
and when you do look good remember that the body only gives them interest in you physically. you still have to be the kind of person worth knowing.
>>17126316
I am definitely guilty of what you presumed. I currently have a lot of free time on my hands that I use to waste away my life, so I imagine when I get a job there will be a MASSIVE amount of mental resistance even though it's a good thing. Any tips for this?
>Horrible sleep cycle
This is definitely #1 on my list as it was on yours. Your life doesn't seem like it was as bad a mess as mine, but I draw inspiration knowing others made self improvement. From my research, success is almost all graded from either creating/destroying good or bad habits. This habits all revolve around dopamine in your brain, so what I might do is also limit dopamine surges that are easy, such as jacking off, vidya, and TV. These things are all unlimited sources of dopamine and I think reducing them can help me greatly, in addition to having a schedule like you said.
The fitness and healthy eating seem like I can tie in together in the same month, as I already enjoy lifting weights. I'm just not systematic enough in my approach.
>>17126408
>if i get a job there will be massivem ental resistance
get over it? not sure what you're asking for here. a jobs a job. you go, or you dont. if you need advice to get motivation to go to your job, then you dont have the motivation to implement the advice to go to your job.
if you mean to do the job hunt, still not sure. theres a certain spark of 'you have to do this' that most of us have. if you dont, pretend you do and see if it catches on. you need to support yourself, yeah?
>horrible sleep cycle
want some insomniac advice? i have an entire copy paste of that too. pick your sin and i seem to have something.
>>17126420
>get over it
Although blunt, seems to be the only advice anyone could logically give on the matter. I'm gonna have to physically go to work one way or another, all the theory in the world won't help this. It's just gonna particularly suck for someone lazy like me.
>want insomniac advice?
Yes fucking please. I'm currently on atavan to help, but I'd rather figure out ways to do it naturally. If you have a copypasta to share that'd be great.
>>17126474
you are much more mature than most people here. you understand there is no magic button. you'll sink or you'll float. i think you'll float. just remember that you can keep job hunting if you hate your job until you find a place you love. thats what i did.
some people respond poorly to electronics / lights. even little blue lights on computer or even clocks can cause a problem. sometimes just electric signals can cause the problem (or so people claim) and the only solution is turning off the power in your room from the fuse box. put oyur alarm clock in the hallway if you must. i dont think its a coincidence that most people sleep wtih their cell phones on their bed side table yet have trouble sleeping. that things constantly monitoring everything. ine recently started telling me when i was running late for wokr cuz it literally keeps track of where i go and when.
you could also consider
>poor diet choices
tihs doesnt mean eating bad food, but rather the wrong food at the wrong time. from a scientific standpoint it makes more sense to eat a large meaty type meal for breakfast (the kind we have for dinner) and later in the night ew should be eating things we'd normally have for breakfast, some cereal, oatmeal, things with milk, etc. Your digestive system can keep you awake if its owkring too hard, and meats are the hardest thing to digest.
also, caffiene. even coffee in the morning can affect you at night. you still feel sleepy but that doesn't mean you can fall asleep if some stimulant keeps you up. consider cutting out coffee.
you might just be uncomfortable. the electronics and lights factor in as i mentioned. but you could also have a bad bed. this can become harder to bare as time goes on, not easier. you could also not be at the right temperature. science says its easiest to fall asleep if its really fucking cold, but you're slightly warmed by the blanket.
>>17126474
>>17126481
oise may also be an issue. some people think that some sort of stimulation helps them fall asleep simply becuase tossing and turning for 20 minutes (the max 'healthy' time it takes to fall asleep) is too boring. so tehy insist on music, tv, etc. consider turning off all those distractions for a whole week to test yourself. one night isnt enough.
yet another thing to consider is your brain itself. its hard to fall asleep when you are worried. to help me sleep i tend to lay out all the clothes i know i will be wearing the next day, as well as line up literally everything i will need before owkr. this makes my morning really easy. dont have to remember where anything is, or pack a bag worrying about time. when your brain knows everything is in a row, it relaxes. my mornings are easy. wake up, drop a deuce, brush my teeth, do my hair, put on an outfit i dont have to pick out, grab a bag, out the door. that easy.
an extension of that is sometimes your brain keeps you up thinking about hwat you need to do tomorrow. its suggested that you do something like make a 'to do' list of everything that needs done the next day. even if its stuff you do daily. organizing a list convinces your brain not to worry, cuz everything you need is on that piece of paper. it doesnt have to memorize or figure out a timeline. cuz thats already done!
if you do homework/are in school, NEVER put off homework to be done in the morning before class. your brain swill stress over this. anything similar as well. if its due tomorrow, you finish it today.
>>17126483
getting a full 9 hours of sleep EVERY NIGHT. set your alarm clock for no more than 1 hour later on the weekends. go to bed at the same time as you do on weekdays. after two weeks your body will have adjusted to this sleep cycle and you will fall asleep easy.
your body doesn't just react to how much sleep you get or when you wake up, but also when you fall asleep. mkae it a habit to fall asleep at the same time each night and your body will keep up with that. even if you took a nap in the day, it will try to fall asleep at 10pm if thats the time you always fall asleep every other day.
Despite what I said earlier about how things can distract you at night, some people legitimately do sleep better with a little stimulation, or background noise of some kind. I personally fall asleep wihtint 30 minutes if I have some sort of story on. generally its narrations of creepy pastas. sometimes an episode of a very chill show (actions and loud shows should be avoided). genearlly i dont even actually listen. sometimes i do, but a lot of the time i cant focus and just wander into sleep. white noise (literally just a fan) is supposed to be the best. i prefer stories. if ur falling asleep within half an hour, you're not doing too bad. 20 minutes is the recommended time though. if you are awake for an entire 45 minute episode of television, its not helping.
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>>17126481
>>17126483
>>17126487
Excellent, thank you very much. Gonna implement this immediately.
>>17126585
good luck m80. in my experience each night can be a little different. sometimes i want stories. sometimes music. sometimes silence. sometimes darkness. sometimes warmth and sometimes cold. try to listen to your body and mind a you lay there.
hate is probably too strong an emotion to pin against yourself all the problem, so it would be good to tone it down to dislike and then maybe compassion
see, you can help people by being compassionate without hating them.
friend: "I don't know how to make a resume (or who to trust with the question than you)!"
you: "okay let me make you one."
you: "I don't know how to make a resume."
you: "Jesus Christ. You don't know how to make a resume? You're twenty-three. Okay, lets see if this doesn't go dreadfully."
