I love my girlfriend and that we have been in a relationship for 5+ years.
She will be studying abroad for 1 year for a postgraduate degree. She doesn't really need it to get a job but it would somewhat increase her job market value (which is already very high). Nevertheless I'm kind of annoyed that she's putting me in this situation.
Anyway, clearly she will be in an environment with a lot of young, often single and high sex drive people, where a lot of chances exist for her to fall in love with someone else or to cheat on me (which would be enough for me to end the relationship as well), even if (and I believe this to be true) she doesn't go there with the intention of doing so. And obviously there's the "out of sight, out of mind" factor which means it might not even work out if she comes back.
It seems to me that I have 3 basic options:
> 1 Most moral: wait it out and be faithful
If it all works out perfectly (she doesn't cheat on me and we still click after 1 year apart), this would be great. But the chances for that might be rather small. And I lose: 1 year of female companionship and the pysical aspect that goes with it as well as 1 year of prospecting the market for relationships.
> 2 Less moral, but still justifiable: break off the relationship
(I get what I lose in the first option and I lose the chance of what I would get in a positive outcome for 1).
> 3 Least moral: don't break off the relationship, but search for a new relationship anyway
Now, purely economically, this would be the most beneficial option, since I get the advantages of both option 1 and 2.
I don't think I could do this though, don't have it in me.
Basically I'm doubting between 1 and 2. I would prefer to do 1, but only if there's a reasonable chance that it works out. While I love her, I'm not the type of person to shut down my brain when it comes to love. So what are the chances, your experiences, important factors, etc...?
2. Simply because she can do better than a selfish bastard like you.
>>17120305
/thread
>>17120305
Please tell me how I am being selfish.
I'm not prohibiting her from going.
Why can I not even question the viability of our future together, knowing that LDR's fail so very often?
I don't really know why you are so intimidated by distance. If she wanted to she could find a new man right where she is now. You also have to understand women get propositioned all the time by a barrage of guys-yet she chose you.If you have strong communication and a healthy relationship, it will not matter whether she is 5 miles away or 5,000. Learn to keep the relationship fresh and comfortable for her to be in and she will not stray.
>>17120326
Thanks.
It's more than the distance that changes though. I will prabably only be able to see her 4 to 6 times or so in a year (v. daily now). My job doesn't leave me much freedom to just leave the country for a few days.
Obviously we would keep in touch through skype, but I don't know what the impact will be of not having a physical connection.
>>17120320
Plenty of people do LDRs well, I know >Reddit but see /r/longdistance. A well-maintained LDR with both parties equally invested in each other will pretty much always succeed if you have a high degree of trust, intimacy, and communication (yes, distance sucks but it is still possible to chat with her every day, do activities together, etc). Introverts seem to handle this better than extroverts but it still works out. People on /adv/ are biased against LDRs because few of them tried them when both people were mature and developed as people.
>>17120338
Thanks, it's a reassurance. We're both kinda introverted.
>>17120336
The distance and loss of physical affection sucks, but it IS manageable. More importantly, you have an end date on your LDR-it will end in one year, and then you will get back together (in person), not something that may never be resolved. 4-6 times a year isn't too horrible-you can always look forward to your meetings and have her look forward to them as well. Also, I think LDR for a bit will really clarify and deepen your feelings for each other-it forces you to have good communication, trust, and complete honesty, and if she can be with you while being apart from you a year and you with her, you can pretty much tackle any problem in your relationship in the future (important if you are ever to consider marrying this girl).
Having been in two LDR's(currently in one) I can tell you that you need to stop thinking that way. So many times these thoughts occurred to me too, and all it does is lead to paranoia, bitterness, and resentment; and it's those things that will ruin your relationship, not the distance. If something goes wrong, deal with it then, but for now just enjoy the time you have with your gf and stay positive.
>>17120350
>>17120352
Good to hear your thoughts
>>17120301
Maybe it's time for a change for both of you
>>17120301
If you dont want her to cheat you better make her life exciting,be ambitious, and have shit going on for you 24/7.If she gets bored at anytime she will fuck you over. Also if you are too cligly or to distance she cheat on you.
