for some background, i'm 18 years old, just finished my first year of university 2 weeks ago. I live with my parents still. In 2013, a younger brother (9 years old) died from a drowning incident at a birthday party. My parents have become more neurotic ever since. In particular, my parents would always try to keep me home where they could watch me. I had a curfew of 9pm and was not allow to leave the home after 7.
A few days ago a friend of mine who lives about an hour away by bus (I don't drive) invited me with some friends to go out for dinner at 7. I was excited but my mother said she wanted me to stay home. After telling my friends that I might have to dip out, one of them said, "anon ur an adult". This made me realise that yes, I am an adult now, and that my parents shouldn't continue to control my interactions with my friends. How can I let my parents know that I'm grown up and can handle myself? How can I tell them that I should be able to do things on my own without them needing to constantly dote on me? I feel like I'm handicapped in some way.
I don't think this is a case where it's as simple as "you're an adult, you should be able to do what you want". They've lost a child, and they're worried that something could happen to you. You need to sit them down and talk it out, and compromise. You're not going to get anywhere by refusing to compromise. Start off small, like negotiating a later curfew.
And if your friends can't see why your parents might be acting the way they do, they might just be assholes
Assisting via bump
>>17109703
Oh please, they're 18. They're not assholes for thinking he should be allowed out at 7pm.
>>17109715
No, they're not, if you take the context out. But if you take account of the fact that they've lost a child, then their fears make more sense, and it's the lack of understanding that makes them assholes.
>>17109703
This is excellent advice, they have indeed lost a child, not too mention you lost a sibling.
If you force them to straight up let you go you'll lose them forever, or if just won't work
Much better to wait down and discuss, it'll be tough and possibly emotional, but they'll appreciate it much more and will trust again
>>17109715
He's saying that's not the point. I had a cousin that died when he was 16. My father told me it was one of the worst experiences of his life and that the only thing that would make it worse was if it was one of his own. My aunt has been broken ever since
>>17109719
>>17109715
you aren't an adult at 18. you're an adult when you take financial and personal responsibility for yourself.
If you're living with your parents, even if you are 18 or 32, you are still a child or a manbaby until you move out. That's the reality.
Yeah you definitely should sit them down and give them a serious talk about how you don't want to be overprotected forever. If your parents aren't assholes, they should be okay with letting you have a little more freedom.
what this guy said
>>17109703
You could also write them a letter and give it to them? I'm a big fan of writing letters because I get too nervous during serious conversations
>>17109729
When someone becomes an adult really has nothing to do with this, let's not have an argument about this.
>>17109729
Stay on topic plz
>>17109703
>>17109723
OP here:
My parents have done stuff like this long before he died, but I see what you're saying.
I don't think that friend in particular remembered what had happened. Only my closest friends and some teachers I was close to knew that he was my brother.
>>17109735
>>17109740
hmm well it does have to do with the argument that "you should do whatever you want, you're an adult now"
you don't really have the rights of an adult when you depend on your parents, I mean it's fine to negotiate a higher curfew but you don't have real leverage
>>17109741
I think an explanation as to why your parents won't let you out late would go a long way to stop your friends thinking you're some loser who's parents control your life.
And regardless of your friends, the best way for you to get some more freedom is to talk to them
>>17109748
>hmm well it does have to do with the argument that "you should do whatever you want, you're an adult now"
That's not what OP's really asking about though. I just commented on it because I thought it might be a sub-issue. Please stop getting off-topic so OP can get some actual help.
>>17109685
because you lost your younger brother 3 years ago you parents have turned into "helicopter parents" hovering over you...
you need to sit them down and allay their fears. say that you room to grow. and that you love them but you cant grow if you are hovering over you all the time. from birth to death you will be their child nothing will change that them tell them you love them
and for god sakes learn to drive at least with a car if the 'rents are up in your grille you can go for a drive cant you?
>>17109776
>and for god sakes learn to drive at least with a car if the 'rents are up in your grille you can go for a drive cant you?
If his parents won't let him out after 7, do you really think they'll let him drive on his own?
>>17109780
if its his car and he has the keys yes.
