I desparately need help /adv/. My gf of 3 years just cheated on me with her ex. We both love each other so much but I dont know if I can look past it and forgive her. It makes me even angrier because in the 3+ years we have been together, we have done everything but sex. The only reason I didnt dump her instantly and am thinking about working it out is because I decided to experiment with a guy behind her back once and didnt tell her about it but she actually had the guts to tell me about her affair. Please help.
>>17088082
So is this bait? You posted this earlier today. I guess this is bait. Fuck you for making we waste my time earlier
>>17088089
I really really wish this was bait man. I dont ever really come this board but i cant talk to any of my friends about this because of the gay stuff.
>>17088089
>>17088094
I just posted it again because i was hoping to get opinions from more people.
>>17088082
>My gf of 3 years just cheated on me with her ex
>I decided to experiment with a guy behind her back once and didnt tell her about it
You aren't right for each other. Move on.
>We both love each other so much
>>17088082
You understand that these kind of things dont cancel each other out in relationship problems. Its not like balancing an equation or negotiating a price.
As long as you dont mind being cheated on in the future by someone who despite saying they love you refuses to share the peak of physical intimacy with you and instead does so with other stay with her.
If trust is important then you leave. Just be glad you dont have kids.
Also care to greentext the stroy of your experimenting?
>>17088102
Besides those two things, nothing else has happened. We have had a perfectly good relationship. Am I just being blinded by me being comfortable with her and just not wanting to be alone?
>>17088107
Yeah, I know I sound like a dumb ass.
>>17088102
This. Plus decide if you're gay or not. Like Yoda says... "Gay or No Gay, there is No Try"
>>17088112
Yes.
>>17088112
>perfectly good relationship
>no sex for 3 years
>she cheats
>you cheat with a dude
>so you're gay or bisexual
>and she's a bitch
You're really, really, really, really blind.
>>17088110
Yeah I know they dont just cancel out, I just feel like maybe I should give her a chance because I havent been perfect either.
And yeah, the no sex thing really bothers me. I told her that I felt like she had just fed me 3 years of bull shit excuses.
>>17088112
>>17088123
>last fall
>decide i want to try dick
> install grindr
>find guy near me
>think its gonna be awesome
>like 5 minutes into it Im getting fucked in the ass
>think to myself "do not like"
>too pussy to leave
>he eventually cums in condom
>I say thanks for letting me experiment, this aint for me
>go home, delete grindr
>push memories deep into mind and try to forget and not feel like a piece of shit for cheating
After that experience, I think I can say that I am not gay and that I was just horny as fuck and wanted something.
>>17088129
Yeah I know. I think maybe its because shes my first relationship, I just really want to think that she didnt really do this. I used to think that she was a sweet loyal gf, but know I just feel like I dont know her at all.
>>17088082
Stay with the girl you love and be grateful you guys are in love. Stupid shit like that isn't worth giving the best shit. Just be grateful the feeling is still there. Love is water and the world is the Sahara.
Break it off. It's hard but necessary.
Shell just do it again later if you keep her
>>17088159
I don't frequent this board at all so I don't know if this a genuine response or a copy pasta.
OP you sound like a very confused man with a very bad case of pussy goggles. Also together for 3 years and no sex? Then she goes and fucks her ex? Drop her on general principle.
>>17088163
Do you think she will? One of my stipulations for trying to talk again is that she never talks to that faggot again.
>>17088185
Ultimatums like that are poison for a relationship, they never work. Just dump her. Your whole relationship is stupid you're not
Having sex with each other, but with other people? Just get into a relationship with someone you can fuck.
>>17088180
Yeah that's the thing that bothers me so much about this, it makes me feel like I'm worthless you know? The only thing that makes me feel better is that I'm the only guy to make her cum before.
>>17088185
Homie think about this. Next time you two are apart what's going to be running through your head? Do you really think you can trust her to keep her word to you when she obviously can't keep her legs shut for her ex?
It's not a love issue it's a trust issue. She's broken your trust and now the foundation for your entire relationship is compromised
>>17088177
Genuine. Life is better when corny is no longer a way to view things. The most simple answers are usually the right ones.
>>17088194
I know man, that's all I can think about right now. I really want to try and be able to trust her again because she means so much to me, but I'm not sure if I can trust her again and I'm just delaying the inevitable. I want to give her a chance because she unknowingly gave me a chance after I fucked around behind her back.
>>17088193
>no sex
>make her cum
Nigga, what the fuck are you smoking?
>>17088216
I've still fingered her and gone down on her.
>>17088216
Not op, but I've done it. It's not hard. Just ask questions. After you do that fucking her become a breeze and she just goes nuts. Win-win if you put the work in.
>>17088216
OP here again, is "cumming" only used when penetration is involved?
>>17088215
She didn't give you shit. Stop letting pussy goggles and oxytocin cloud your mind! She broke your trust, and even if you did the same you hid it well enough that it never became an issue. She broke your trust and WANTED you to find out about it so she didn't have to deal with burying and fighting through the guilt like you did.
Truly I say to you if you give her another chance you may squeeze a couple extra paranoia filled, stressed out months at most before something else comes up and you come crying back here asking us why we didn't try to help you.
>>17088214
I want to be able to look past this, I know I sound like a dumb ass when I say this but I know she still loves me and I want to be able to feel that way again.
>>17088235
Try looking past this.
What do you think her eyes looked like when they rolled to the back while her ex was pumping away. Do you think she moaned his name out? Maybe clawed at his back a little? Did all the things for him that she hadn't done for you? I wonder what went through her head when they were finished? If she toyed with the idea of not telling you, perhaps felt a little remorseful?
There's what's going to be bouncing around in your head every second after you take her back. Because she's got you wrapped around her finger like a good little boy
>>17088233
I know she didn't give me her body completely but she's given me the happiest 3 years of my life. One of the other things I'm factoring in is the great relationship shes grown with my family. She never really had a great family life and I gave her a family that loves her.
I think I want to try because I would rather just hurt myself by trying to see if things can work again than being hurt now and losing all chances. And I wouldnt do that to y'all after I know y'all tried to help me.
>>17088256
You want to try because you are pussy blind. I'm through giving you advice, it's obvious to me you've made up your mind. Go forth and conquer
You need to figure out:
- why she cheated on you
- why you cheated on her
Cheating rarely occurs out of the blue; there are often things that lead up to someone cheating. However, don't take that as an excuse/justification for either of you destroying the trust in the relationship. You need to tell her about what you did, and then both of you need to have a discussion about why you cheated. You can't figure out if it's worth it to stick around until you know why the cheating happened, because if you do decide to stick around you gotta work on whatever issues led to both of you to cheating.
>>17088265
I havent made up my mind yet, I'm just trying to stay hopeful that I can love her again. Im taking all of yalls advice and factoring it into my decision. I know you feel like you're casting your pearls before swine, but I really appreciate your advice and even though I don't know you, I love you.
>>17088274
I know I cheated because I was stupid and horny. I want to find out what the hell led her to this. I couldn't today because I couldn't stand to be in her presence after she told me and I would rather talk about serious things like this in person than through text.
>>17088303
If you talk to her about this, you gotta do your best to have a calm, adult discussion. If she doesn't feel like she's talking in a safe environment, she's not gonna open up and get real (which would partially be her fault as well).
Also, you need to figure out why you guys haven't had sex yet, if you don't already know. And "stupid and horny" needs more elaboration--gotta really delve deep into your motivations.
>>17088082
Bwahahaha your girlfriend fucked her ex after you've been together 3 years and haven't gotten it in even once? Dude, that's not your girlfriend, that's your cuddlebuddy, tops.
>>17088143
DO NOT LIKE
Oh god that was a hearty laugh
wew that lightened the mood
>>17088082
OP she cheated game over time to move on. If it makes you feel any better, since she actually told you, and actually cares what you think, I believe she can still be a friend after all of this. Should also just tell her about the butt stuff so you have someone to talk to.
But move on to another relationship with another girl. There's nothing wrong with friends and frankly since you both care for each other but obviously still have some hangups over sex you dont have to hide from each other anymore
frankly I'm jealous, I wish I had the opportunity to keep an ex around, she at least is trying to salvage the bridge
>>17088310
She said because she doesnt feel ready. She said shes also very nervous because Im still a virgin and she feels like she has a lot of pressure to be my first, her ex is the only guy shes has sex with. And idk, spending a lot of time on /gif/ made me question my sexuality and I wanted to experiment but I ended up not liking it.
>>17088313
Weve done everything except benis in vagina/butt.
>>17088332
Yeah I was trying to slip some humor into that lol. And I would, but I know if I did she wouldn't want to talk to me because she doesn't like gays.
>>17088343
Cool story, guess who didn't have to wait 3 years and has probably dropped more than a few loads in every one of her holes? Her ex.
>>17088338
You should try and get more information from her if you try to talk this out. Is that the only reason she doesn't feel ready? Is there something else that doesn't make her feel comfortable enough to get that close to you? Is she completely over her ex? Idk if she'll give you honest responses to all of these questions, but you should still ask them.
Cheating on/being cheated on really sucks. Most people see it as a complete dealbreaker, and that's completely understandable. But it can be possible to talk this out and work through the issue. My boyfriend cheated on me, and as much as it sucked, I can honestly say our relationship got stronger afterwards--not because of the cheating itself, but because of us talking more and working through the issues.
>>17088366
Yeah I really want to know these things as well, and I do intend to try and find them out. Im still not sure if this a deal breaker for me or not since I know I'm not perfect here either, but it's not like I have anything to lose from trying to talk things out.
>>17088380
You do have to tell her what you did, though.
>>17088391
I know that if I do its over.
>>17088395
She was honest with you (well eventually). If you want to stay with her, complete honesty is key--from both partners. She probably thought the same thing about telling you she cheated on you.
>>17088402
I think I can live with it in the back of my mind though. I know if I tell her, the cheating coupled with the gay sex will end it. I already told her that sometimes when I see my hs crush I get excited and think about "what if", so she knows I'm not perfect in that regard.
>>17088112
>no sex
>perfectly good relationship
Pick one faggot.
>>17088409
Lol it's not about what you can live with or handle. It's about being honest from here on out for the sake of the relationship. You can't work through the issues of her cheating and start a clean slate if you're not actually starting from a clean slate where there will be total honesty from this point forward.
>>17088338
>because Im still a virgin
Lol, not anymore, faggot.
She probably found out you had gay faggot sex so she cheated on your gay ass ;)
>>17088426
Thank you, I'm going to sleep now. Wish me luck, and all the best to you and your boyfriend!
>>17088354
Do you know what I start to think slowly? No sex, families are close. OP are you sure you even have that kind of relationship?! I think not. She only pities you, didn't want to destroy the family thing going, so she couldn't reject you even though she knew you were gay and she thinks you're repulsing.
>>17088409
You should know that thinking about an old high school crush and getting fucked by a random from Grindr are not the same thing. It's something she should have dumped your ass for had she known because that's disgusting. So you deserve forgiveness but when she's honest about her escapades, you don't know if you can forgive her? This relationship is basically over if you can't be honest with her, as well.
>>17088082
Don't you think the reason she cheated is because you're not satisfying her sex drive OP? That thought couldn't have possibly crossed your mind, oh no.
