Am I an asshole for not wanting to hang out with a girl after she rejects me?
She told me we should hang out as "friends" during the summer but I don't think I could handle it.
No, you're not. Just make sure to explain to her why you don't want to hang out.
You're probably her second choice, as the first didn't work out. I wouldn't.
Also, whats the webm? I have a mac.
>>17011922
Let her know that girls aren't fun to just hang out with.
>>17011922
No, it's awkward and weird if it's forced
absolutely not. how would that even work? you have feelings for someone they dont reciprocate but they want you hang out with them so you cant get over it? makes no sense. It's the same shit when youre in a relationship and a girl breaks up with you but offers to remain friends. It wont work. You'll constantly be thinking about the person because youll keep seeing their face. Youll become paranoid they are with another guy and your self esteem will be shit.
You arent an asshole. You dont see her as just a friend, you see her as more. Since that cant be then moving on is the right thing, which means you probably have to cut ties.
>>17011922
not really. even if you had a pre existing relationship that wasnt based solely on you flirting with her, its at least awkward. and if you only met cuz you were into her, then theres really no point.
if you want to give her an explanation heres a solid one
>if I hang out with every single girl who rejects me and wants to be friends, id never have enough time to hang out with any of my current friends or meet a girl whos actually interested in me. Even if I did, she would be upset by me hanging out with a series of girls that I asked out .
on top of that if you ever paid for the 'dates' that she thought were 'just friends hanging out' you can tell her shes 'too expensive for a friend' if you wanna put a nail in the coffin
Why would that make you an asshole?
What is the logic behind this? This makes no sense and this thread is dumb
This thread makes me wonder, am I weird for being able to get past literally anything (rejection, breakup, etc) and still be friends with someone?
No. She's an asshole for trying to get you to become a beta orbiter who is being led on into thinking you have a chance with her. Cut all ties and move onto better things in life.
>>17011997
weird and uncommon arent the same thing. i was like you when i was younger though. i hung out with only girls, and i dated almost every single one of them for a little while. afterwards things went back to normal, and id start to flirt with the next one.
>>17011922
Just say you dont want to, what is so hard about saying it?
Similar situation
>girl dumps me after 2 years of dating
>pretty upset
>fast forward
>new relationship
>after a few months, mutual friend tells me my ex is mad that we aren't friends
>why.jpg
>>17011929
>I have a mac.
>>17011922
Yes. You not wanting to hang out with her as friends only confirms her suspicions that you are an ass that feels entitled to her instead of trying to court her properly.
If you can't hang out as friends then why should she want to date you?
Your immaturity reeks and hence why you get rejected.
>>17011922
Your instincts are right anon.
My prior boss, who I respected and got along with very well, shared with me how when his daughter rebuffed one of the guys that expressed an interest with her, she then wanted to keep hanging out with him as a friend and he (her dad) told her not to do it. He explained that as long as they are still hanging out, he'll hang on to the idea that he can make her change her mind. Instead, he needs to move on.
You should too anon. You're not content with her as a bro, and never will be, so you need to keep finding that girl that will be more than a bro to you. Sticking with her will just hinder that.
>>17011922
Nah. I'm the same exact way. As soon as romantic intentions fall through I'm done. As others have said, staying with her would only feel awkward and forced on your part.
Similar question to the OP, but would it ne acceptable to ask a girl on a date after she's told you she just sees you as a friend? It sounds shitty when I put it that way, like I'm being desperate, but I just want one chance and if things still don't pan out then whatever, I guess I'll drop it.
>>17012818
Basically I just want to know if there's a way to avoid being cringey as fuck if I do it
>>17012818
if she has made it clear already that she only sees you as a friend you wont convince her. If you did get a date it would most likely because she is tired of your begging. She may terminate the friendship afterwards since you didn't respect her feelings.
It completely sucks to have unrequited feelings. I know this first hand as im fresh from a breakup myself because of unrequited feelings. If you are looking for more than friendship and she isn't, that is a pretty fundamental incompatibility. You can convince her, trick her, persuade her or manipulate her to gain feelings. If you cant be friends with her and only see her as a romantic interest, then move on. If you don't, every guy she talks to will make you miserable and you;; live for months/years on false hope, wasting away.
>>17011922
The easy and honest answer is that you'd rather spend time trying to find someone who you can have a connection with.
Or someone who is interesting. Females tend to be boring.
>>17012818
Yes it is desperate. Don't do that.
The only people who move from the firendzone to relationship are couples that have been super-best-friends since childhood and are more family than friends.
>>17011922
Nah brah, spend your time finding a girl who will want to be with you in the same way. Spending time with a girl you have feelings for but she doesn't feel the same way sucks balls.
>>17012357
This is how women think.
>>17012878
This is how men think.
>>17012940
>>17012948
This is why the friendzone is a valid concept and women are cunts for shaming "nice guys".
>>17012357
if I go to the store and try to buy meat from a butcher and he tells me no I don't attempt to become his friend so he can sell em meat. I go to the other butcher who will sell me meat
Women are literal trash and expect you to buy them shit 24/7, just as 'friends' in order to prove you're worth their time. All while they continue to browse the dating market available to them of course.
Depends on how long you've been hanging out with her before she rejected you.
If you're one of those neckbeards who has been using friendship as a means to get in the girl's pants, that makes you an asshole. Otherwise, don't sweat it.
>>17012357
He's looking for a relationship, and he didn't get one. He's not entitled to one. She's looking for a friend, and she didn't get one. She's not entitled to one.
no dont do that shit. like most have said on here, waste that time getting a GF not spending it with her, imagine doing all the shit your going to do with her, but doing it with a girl you can actually touch and it not be awkward
>>17012357
>you're an asshole because you don't want to be friends with her to court her
>>17012973
>you're an asshole because you want to be friends only to get in her pants
Literally can't win.
Don't let yourself get guilted into anything by women, EVER.
>>17011922
Do it. You'll regret not
>>17011929
young teen blowing
standard stuff
>>17012861
>>17012850
That's the thing, though; I kind of see her as a friend as well as a romantic interest. If I could just switch off my feelings and see her as just a good friend, I would, but I can't and you're right in saying it would just bring pain to see her with other guys while I sit on the sidelines.
And I don't think she's exactly closed to the idea of us dating, just that she doesn't have the same feelings I do right now. That might just be wishful thinking though. I feel there's still some stuff she and I should talk about.
>>17012357
Dumb cunt
>>17012357
very insightful post, once upon a time I confessed my feeling to this chick without knowing her bf sitting right next to her ( didnt even know she had a bf lol). Of course we stayed as friends after that. One year later she broke up with her bf as we hang out more and more, too bad by that time I already moved on to a different hottie though. Now I have both friendship and relationship. I could just ask my friend if I ever need a girl's perspective.
>>17011922
One of the many, many ways men and women are different is that women actually can do this, while most men can't.
>>17011922
You fool. You could work your charms when you hang out until she falls for you. Then you can reject her back and make it even
>>17014444
I want to disagree but quads can't lie.
>break up with ex because she cheated on me
>hits me up on Facebook saying I'm an asshole for not talking to her anymore
I gotta hand it to women, their minds can do some crazy acrobatics
>>17011922
You're not- some guys who do this are though.
From the girl's perspective, if a guy ditches her after she's said she just wants to be friends, it makes it seem like he only wanted us for the physical intimacy. We think "if he enjoys being around me so much, why can't he be my friend? He must have just wanted to hookup". Sometimes we're right- there are a lot of guys who want to just pump+dump, so they don't waste their time on us.
Other guys like you, though, just can't bear to be around us because it's painful to spend time with someone that you love when you know they don't feel the same way.
If you don't want her to assume that you're an asshole, you should thank her for the offer to hang out over the summer, but tell her that you need some time away from her before you can be friends.
That way she knows that you actually like being around her, but that you can't because you're still getting over her
>>17011922
Dont do it OP. I've been where you are, it leads to bitterness, misery and humiliation.
Being a 'friend' isnt a consolation prize for romantic rejection. Walk away and find someone who wants you the way you want them.
>>17014977
Truth. Value your time. Dont think that maybe one she will like you and bla bla, nah.
>>17014977
What if I legitimately really enjoy spending time with the girl but also happen to be in love with her?
>>17015325
You enjoy spending time with her because you're in love with her. Or you're in love with her because you enjoy spending time with her. Either way your feelings won't go anywhere if you continue hanging out with her. It won't get any easier.
>>17015325
You don't you retard. Imagine the day when you're out having 'friend time' together and she giggles and starts gushing about her new boyfriend.
>hang out with a girl
>>17011922
Jesus Christ OP, the girl in that webm is exactly what I would have fallen in love with in college/high school before I became a suave womanizer who posts on /adv/ while drinking Corona at 11 AM.
Cheers to bringing back my youth.
Also, nothing wrong with not continuing to be friends - as long as you weren't friends in the first place. If you were and you fell for her and asked her out and she said no, check your ego and swallow your pride and be a friend. It'll make you look better to other women. If she's just some random broad, nah, fuck it, don't waste your time.
>tfw kickin it with girl who sends me the most explicit signals
>tfw she fucks another one of my dude friends
Welp.
>>17011922
nope that means you have self respect for moving on instead of being with an insecure girl who likes to keep beta orbiters around.
>>17015325
You cannot judge it correctly as you have feelings for her, just delete her everywhere and if she still bothers you block her.
>>17012940
And they want one to represent this glorious country. Just think about it.
I think it depends. Do you really think she's an interesting person who's worth your time? Or do you just like hanging out with her because she's cute? In other words, if she was really fat and ugly, would you still hang out with her? If not, then move on. Don't be a beta orbiter man. I have a friend on Facebook who's been friendzoned by tons of girls and he's completely miserable. He posts statuses every week about how much it sucks to not have a girlfriend.
Seriously, being a beta orbiter is really degrading and terrible for you psychologically: it's basically non-sexual cuckoldry. Do you really want to be her emotional tampon? Also, what do you think her boyfriend is going to think of you? Do you think he's going to have a very high opinion of you if you decide to be her beta orbiter? Going even further, do you she herself is going to respect you?
If you truly want to be her friend, and not just a beta orbiter, then it's going to require discipline. Make sure not to put her on a pedestal or be her emotional tampon.
>>17016289
That seems rather extreme....
>>17015724
>>17015737
I guess so. It seems either way I'm going to get hurt. One way I'l have to see her with other guys, but the other I lose one of the easiest people to get along with that I've ever met.
>kill me pls
>>17016569
It's up to you but dont say no one warned you.
>>17011922
Don't waste your time. Find someone else to fuck.
>>17011922
She knows how you feel, I doubt she'll try to cuck you or some bullshit. And if she did you just leave the bitch and find someone else.
Tbh senpai, it sounds like she's giving you a shot but you've misunderstood that because of how insecure you are about your feelings.
When you really think about it, why would you pursue someone you can't actually hang out with?
Probably not an asshole, but maybe a little oversensitive. I won't even consider a guy that isn't a friend first as a dating prospect, so it might've been her way of saying "not now, but try me later after we know each other better." I don't know, though, I don't know this girl or how she operates. It works different ways for different people.
>>17014444
Quads of truth
>>17016694
Try to be friends because she may change her mind or you might be able to pick up one of her friends.
Hedge your bets and try to recoup some time and effort you put into the girl.
> Pro-Tip: you can flirt with one of her friends and 2 out of 3 times she will get insanely jealous and horny for you. That third girl who doesn't care, will never see you as a potentially romantic partner if you were the last two people on earth. Then it is easy, be her friend, accept it for what it is and she will try to hook you up with her friends.
If you like her, and she says she wants to be friends, what's the problem?
Sounds like you have mommy issues. Ask you mom if she let you suck on her boobies because she wanted to have sex with you, or if it was just out of friendship.
The advice you've gotten so far has been mostly good. Don't force yourself to be her "friend" if it's not going to benefit you. You will torture yourself if you do it. Just break off all ties. You need to start doing things for yourself and think about your own well-being.
>>17016746
>>17016741
>>17016694
>>17016676
>just be her friend bro she might come around
But what you don't do is hang around her like a puppy dog waiting for a great. Go meet other women and casually (not desperately) keep yourself open to this girl if you like her. But that said I wouldn't hold your breath. For every story of a girl coming around and unfriendzoning a guy there's like 10 of him never escaping it.
>>17016627
I know. Kinda caught between a rock and a hard place.
Why should you expose yourself to that kind of emotional torture?
Is her wish to have another friend more important than your wellbeing?
She's not entitled to your friendship.
>>17011922
Just go full alpha and say unless its friends *with benefits*, you're not interested.
Lets be real, you want to fuck her. Make sure she knows it. You're friendzoned because you aren't alpha enough. Fix that.
Bump
You are absolutely not an asshole for doing so at all. Never ever let anybody force you into a frustrating friendship when you can spend your time looking for someone who values you more than just a friend.
Women don't owe their bodies to anyone. Likewise, men don't owe their friendship to anyone either.
>>17017261
>friendzone
You know he could just *stop being her friend* altogether, right?
Why the fuck do people think rejection = friendzone at all? Why can't men ditch her sorry ass and look for a woman who will value them rather than waste time staying friends with her and complain about it with a made-up zone spell called the "friendzone"?
If she says she only sees you as a friend and you KNOW you can be better for her than that, she needs to get the absolute fuck out of your life IMMEDIATELY (and if she won't do it on her own and still wants to hang out, DO IT FOR HER and don't even pay her any attention any second further).
Tl;dr just ask yourself if mommy raised a bitch who'll beg for a relationship or not. Simple.
>>17020313
what if i wanna feel like the bigger person
or is that a trick employed by females to cuck us all
pls respond pls
>>17011922
Who is that girl in the webm and what is she doing?
I have the same dilemma as you lol. But it'll be really hard on your heart if you date her without a "thing" because its really IMPOSSIBLE.
I chose to go away and move on you should too it'll help you trust me :)
>>17020313
The friend zone is when someone says "I just want to be friends" in response to your dating proposition, and you remain there indefinitely without ever really having moved on.
I wasn't actually incriminating the girl in question for telling OP she just wanted to be friends. I was definitely cautioning against some of the advice in this thread, which was telling OP that he should wait around for her until her feelings change. Again, there's nothing wrong with keeping her open as an option, but actually thinking that what she said is solid hope for her dating OP some day is a terrible idea.
>>17020686
Anyone know?
>>17020769
Grass whistle, don't know who she is
>>17012302
Your ex is mad that you don't desire her anymore. She doesn't want you as a friend, she wants you as a backup plan.
>>17016694
Then you should say something to that effect. If I ask a woman out and she says no, I'll take her at face value and assume she has 0 interest. If you tell him you want to get to know him better as a friend, you shouldnt be surprised if he focuses on meeting other women instead though.
The fact is dating as a man is a numbers game. Hanging around hoping a woman changes her mind is fucking stupid, and will just be a source of pain.
>>17014016
underrated post
Depends. Did she firmly reject you? If yes then she's a bitch. If no she might just want to take things slowly or play the field.
>>17011922
I guess I actually am one of the few martyrs from /r9k/ who believe that a cross gender friendship might be beneficial for both sides in certain cases. In your situation it depends on how deeply you feel for her. If it's just a moment of infatuation and you just want to get laid, then you will get over it even if you hang out with her.
Ask yourself this question, how well do you know her, what do you like about her ? if the answers are not much and mainly her appearance then being friends with her might help you understand girls of similar quality better and also this extends your network of potential targets, chances are she has some single friends :), and when you move on to other girl, trust me you will, you would be much better equipped. However if your relationship with her is something like 5 years of one side crush then bail asap.
In any case, you aren't the asshole if you don't want to stay friends with her.
>>17022515
This is actually a very well thought-out and well-put answer. Thanks anon
>>17020567
>what if i wanna feel like the bigger person
you need a dick small enough to do that
seriously, only autistic micropenises are comfortable with friends of the opposite sex surrounding them without getting any
stop trying to feel morally justified and start valuing yourself and your wellbeing by hunting for a real partner who wants you for you and nothing less
>>17020713
Smart man.
>>17020728
when she says anything that involves "I only see us as friends", do not even acknowledge that with an "ok". Do not even look at her ugly mug at that moment, do not say anything other than "I see" right before you disappear from her life.
You are not an ornament. You are not a planet orbiting her. There is no need to play fucking games that may just as well end up wasting years of your life chasing an impossible dream.
Do not give her the satisfaction or the attention one nanosecond further. You don't need to be an asshole about it, nor should anyone call you that if you cleanly stay the fuck away from that trap.
>>17023077
so it's a trick to cuck us
gotcha
>>17020728
>and you remain there indefinitely without ever really having moved on
Only faggots and manchildren whose balls haven't dropped yet lose their way when a woman turns them down for friendship.
I love seeing the frustration of girls around me now that they know I'm with someone. The idea that they can only have me as a legit friend (and not someone who has to "put up" with their friendship) infuriates them.
>>17023077
>>17023087
>only autistic micropenises are comfortable with friends of the opposite sex
>Only faggots and manchildren whose balls haven't dropped yet lose their way when a woman turns them down for friendship
Well, that's just neither convincing nor intelligent.
Wonder where do you get these ideas from ? how do you measure their penises ? how did you touch their balls ?
>>17023100
Being friends with a girl and being friends with a girl you wanted to date but were rejected by are completely different. The dynamic is fucked in the latter from the beginning and you'll never be true friends unless your feelings were a whim. She will also realize she has all the power of the relationship and not respect you.
>>17023086
Dude, I'm not saying this like a conspiracy theory that involves girls trying to hurt you
It's anthropology 101 - if a girl decides you aren't worth more to her than being a friend, then you shouldn't hurt your chances of actually being with someone by wasting time with her. Likewise, if she feels you're not worth a shot then she needs to get the fuck out of your life pronto and see if another guy approaching her will be worth it.
This isn't about morality or who's right or wrong, it's behaviorism. Human nature. You reap what you sow.
You want to be her friend and risk seeing her with someone else? Enjoy the ride to nowhere.
You want a girlfriend who values you and sees potential for happiness with you? Then you start erasing that "friend" picture of her from your mind and you start using your own two feet to get to where you want elsewhere rather than wait for her to accept you.
This isn't about shaming girls, this is about turning your dating life into a numbers game with higher and higher chances as you keep trying with every girl. Learn the art of bowing out gracefully.
>>17023100
It's simple
The next time she tells you "I'm sorry, I only see you as a friend", you tell her "Well I'm sorry too, my penis isn't that small enough to stay friends with you."
And then you get up and leave. You don't swear at her. You don't shame her. You don't insult her. You just understand that you reserve the right to control your own life, not her.
The investment didn't work out with her, but time is money - save it for someone else and try again. And do your best to minimize your friendship with girls and focus on sexual attraction instead.
>>17022268
This. It may be okay to be friends with your ex in certain situations but this isn't one of them.
Don't make yourself available that easily. She fucked up, she needs to understand that.
>>17011922
I don't hang out with ex girlfriends or with any girl I had a romantic interest in and failed. It's just asking for problems
>>17023112
I actually support this idea, look at it from another perspective, the other side of the friendzone:
Imagine how you must feel when your gf has orbiters/ male friends with obvious romantic interest in her. It's very unhealthy for everyone involved.
I was just asking that question because you sounded angry in the previous post, and people will not see your reason clearly.
>>17023106
okay that sounds like an actual thing now and not just a crackpot theory out of /r9k/
>>17023128
This so much dude
I hung around my ex from high school too much and it totally stunted my ability to get out there and date other girls
>>17011922
No. It makes no sense to hang out with a girl that you can't get in a relationship with. It would just waste your time. Don't give her the satisfaction. Move on to the next one and don't look back. Girls make for shitty friends most of the time anyway.
