>>17005144

Why? What happened? People don't just do a 180 like this unless something bad happened and she's trying to cope. Have you tried talking to her about WHY she's doing this, instead of just trying to make her stop?

>>17005151
She had gone through this over a few periods in her life (I didn't know this until Jan) so there is a history there

Sorry.. that would have probably been useful information. But FOR ME it was out of the blue.

Just dump her ass and tell her you'll take her back if she quits for good.

>>17005184
Dumping is honestly the easy part. I have already decided to live my life as though she isn't there. I have come to quick realization that I cannot stop her from drinking. Reading hundreds of articles and posts from others says exactly the same thing... you can't stop it.

The hard part is coming home to a destroyed house and the mental fatigue from not knowing if you will come home to a corpse.

I am torn completely. Half of me wants to kick her out, lock the door, and not care what she does or where she goes... but seriously? To actually do that to a person?

She wouldn't get past the convenience store on her way out of the neighborhood and be basically a drunk homeless person.

Eventually, it will have to come to that, but i am trying to deal.

>>17005208

I'm not saying you should take her out of your life, I'm saying you should give her an ultimatum.

>I can't keep seeing you like this, this is causing a strain in my life and I can't deal with it anymore, I'm breaking up with you; you have one month to move out. If you can show me that you're willing to fix our relationship and stop drinking I might change my mind.

>>17005144
>Let's try uncommon scenarios:
1) She catch depression like a flu.
2) She had some psychical scar from her past.
>And something more realistic:
3) She got raped / mugged / combination of both.
4) She got fired from job + Uni at the same time.
5) She cheated you, possible got dumped by her lover she really loved.

I think her inner world broke because some reason. You need to just find what really happened. The problem is some people will never tell you the truth unless you really push them.

Good luck anon, I believe you can still help her.

>>17005249
Nope.
OP already said she has had these episodes.
She is an alcoholic.
I have been to AA meetings and alcohol driving classes and there are definitely alcoholics that drink everyday for years or every weekend.
But there are some that won't drink for months and even years and love completely normal lives then they get a small taste of alcohol somehow and the demon awakens. I've heard stories of people going on month long binges and waking up on skid row thinking "well time to go home and pick up the pieces."
She is an alcohol bro, and there is some deep rooted reason for it possibly from childhood. Or her brain chemistry could just be messed up.
OP during this episode how has her attitude been when at least somewhat sober? I know it's not often but there had to have been moments of sobreity where you conversed.

Idk, usually I would say dump her, but she probably has some deep pain she is dealing with. Sadly you can't deal with it for her. She has to want to face it, that's why rehab hardly ever works.

Anyway, she is a sinking ship, I'd lay it out clearly that if she doesn't stop drinking you will leave her. 99% chance she will pull every card under the sun to manipulate you into staying with her while she continues to destroy herself, and when that happens, you must be stern and leave. But if she shows an honest interest in improving work with her.

This breaks my heart though OP, I'm very sorry.

>>17005293
OP here

We went two years with no problems. We drank socially like normal 30s somethings do with no kids. Then boom. Overnight.

>>17005322
What you describe has already happend (the manipulation)

She says she drinks because she is now "afraid to lose me". I think my angle will be basically, she has already lost me and now it's up to her to win me back.

It's completely sad. Up to this point I had never dealt with addiction or alcoholism. You kids have no idea how terrible the stuff is (I was no exception). The withdrawals. The addiction. It's the craziest shit I have ever seen.

>>17005293
Sorry. Answering the second part of your post...

When she is somewhat sober it's nothing but guilt and shame. I believe that she actually does very much love me and now that I now "know" it tears her up and drives her to drink more.

That mixed with a lot of lies. "I'll get better" type of stuff. Literally the most sincere promises of "I promise I won't drink today" in the morning to find her passed out when I get home.

Trying to take a logical approach to this is honestly a fools errand. I tried and I feel like a fool.

>>17005400
I'd use that angle, but mentally prepare for the worst case, and most likely scenario.

>>17005470
I've prepared myself for a corpse now for three months. Does it matter how I approach this at this point?

>>17005484
Yea, you obviously still care or you wouldn't be posting. Sit her down and tell her every single thing you feel, dont spare her feelings. And then be ask her to tell everything she feels. It will be rough as hell, and it will take courage, but it will be worth it in the end. Even if it ends in you separating. Because at least you'll both know what you're dealing with.

I've dealt with alcoholism and addiction in relationships before, and it is horrible.

My exbf is an alcoholic. The constant worry of them getting hurt, dying, or ending up in jail kept me up many nights. I tried my best to keep him on track, but he made it known alcohol came first so I left him. It hurt a lot, but it is what needed to be done for my own sake.

My SO used to take pills and actually OD a couple times before getting together. He was still using when we started dating, but he told me about it and I plainly told him if he wanted to continue taking pills I wouldn't be around for it. Honestly, that was the wake up call he needed. The following weeks he gave away his stash, and was clean. The withdrawal he went through was tough, but he said the constant love and support I gave him helped him through it. He's been clean 3 years, and everyone that knows him has seen him improve and he seems geneiunely happy.

Both my ex and SO used drugs and alcohol to cope with abuse they went through as a kid. Your girl needs therapy, and not just pills to deal with the withdrawal. There is a reason for her drinking like this. She needs to deal and learn to cope with whatever it is otherwise she will relapse again.

Tldr; you can't make them quit. All you can do is state what you want, and if they don't quit and seek help you need to leave.

>>17005165
>She had gone through this over a few periods in her life (I didn't know this until Jan) so there is a history there
Nope. People honestly don't just flip out and start drinking the way you are talking about without some sort of valid reason. I don't care how assured you are that there isn't one. There is one. She just isn't telling you. Let me clarify once more: People don't just pull this shit out of thin air. There is a driving reason for it.

>>17005144
Christ is this a common thing people deal with a lot on this board?

Ya'll dumbasses need to stop enabling your girlfriends. If the lazy bitch doesn't go out and get a job or go to school or do something during the day she is going to eventually get bored and miserable. While you are working, shes sitting around on her ass all day doing fucking nothing. Just browsing twitter, tumblr, or pinterest all day waiting for you to get home to entertain her. She has no life, no personality, nothing to do. She is bored out of her god damn mind so guess what anon? She gets depressed. When people get depressed they do dumb shit like drugs, drink, or sex.

You are paying for literally everything while she does nothing. You are taking care of you like you would take care of a child. She needs to get a job. She needs her own responsibilities. She needs to have her own personal relationships with other people instead of relying on you for literally everything.

If you stay home all day your mind is idle. I have said this before and I'll say it again for anyone else that has a stay at home do nothing all day girlfriend that you take care of.

An idle mind is dangerous. Nothing good will come from it.

The best combatant for addiction is positive reinforcment. Which is the biggest challenge coming from a partner because the line between supportive and codependent is very thin. Your expression of frustration and distance only contribute to her guilt, creating the excuse to keep drinking. The main thing to keep in mind that she doesn't have any fun, college student drinks excessively to cope with stress from studying. She is doing this and working, stuck in a room all day. She needs to be physically productive. Speaking from the experience of just leaving a life like this, it's important to have tangible reminders of progress, I focus on creating something once a week, model kits, clothing, art. These all help.

>>17005510
shes depressed because of her idleness clearly. She probably thinks her life isn't going anywhere and doesn't know how to cope with that.

>>17005400
Just leave her. Either she drinks herself to death or she ALMOST drinks her self to death and when she wakes up in a hospital alone it'll be a wake up call she needs to get her shit sorted.

>>17005529
I agree there is lack of hobbies but we are talking about someone who already has one degree and was working on a second one.

>>17005556
she goes to school online right?
>Girlfriend stays/works/Uni from Home all day by herself while I work
This is not the same as actually going out and having a life. Odds are she does school for like an hour a day and then has nothing to do.

Online colleges are a fucking joke.

>>17005538
She has a degree and working on a second one. She is also well established in her field and has been published over a dozen times.

Our lives are far from idle.

>>17005556
also having multiple degrees?

She clearly is depressed over not having a fulfilling life like she imagines people have at her age. She doesn't have a career and probably feels like a massive loser for having no direction or drive or anything. I had a GF that did the same shit. For 4 years I took care of her while at first she went to school for a year and then dropped out. For the next 3 years she never once got a job because she kept applying to places well above her abilities. She eventually got depressed and started acting out by drinking and cheating on me.

She either needs a cause or a change of location. Honestly? Check her into an addiction center cus shes not going to help her self thats for sure.

When she gets clean she needs to start working ASAP. She needs to keep busy or she will fall into it again. See if your job can let you transfer to a new city or get a job in a new city as well. That's pretty extreme as well but hey I hate working at the same place for too long myself and move around a lot.

Rehab. Get Clean. Stay busy.

>>17005584
It's starting to show that you are an enabler. What do you guys do when you spend time together? Netflix?

>>17005584
So fucking what? I am well established in my field as well and publish in magazines and books around the world. People wish they could do what I can but I still don't find it all that rewarding. I still feel like I'm not going anywhere.

I work all day. But it's by myself. You can do work and still not be challenged. It's basically the same as being idle. It's not fulfilling and thats what she needs (me too but thats a whole nother thing)

Shes staying home all day and that's the problem. Does she have any other solid relationships other than you? Like... actual physical friends?

Working from home can be mind numbing and boring. We are social creatures. Even the biggest introvert needs the occasional office banter.

>>17005249
>5) She cheated you, possible got dumped by her lover she really loved.
DING DING

>>17005605
that doesn't have to be it you dumb fucks. If shes known to be a drinker and gets in a rut that shit can domino fast.

it doesn't just take a singular event. Sometimes all the little things add up. Then she takes that first drink and the house of cards comes tumbling down.

>>17005144
Has she ever been to a meeting? It actually works for a lot of people. See if your gf is one of those people.

>>17005605
Neckbeard lvl rising

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378 KB, 1646x1987

>>17005618
>Then she takes that first drink
>We drank socially like normal 30s somethings do with no kids. Then boom. Overnight.

>>17005144
I don't see the problem.

>>17005628
Honestly, I'd probably wager that's it as well. Point is, there is SOMETHING that is triggering this behaviour. It doesn't just appear out of nowhere. The OP is a fucking moron that seems to think a passing comment like "I done this before in my past before I met you" is enough of a reason.

It's out of character from what we're led to believe, it's out of nowhere, and the OP is happy enough to believe a one line lame-ass sentence which is quite clearly a lie to excuse the behavior.

>>17005622
>>17005628
sorry if that upsets you :(

>>17005645
are you OP?

because if so what the fuck are you arguing right now? Clearly shes an alcoholic. Socially drinking isn't quite the same as drinking to get drunk. Thats the addiction part.

If you are the OP then you're a fucking retard and deserve all this shit getting piled onto you.

>>17005738
>are you OP
>cant read the thread
>call other retard

>>17005774
>misses small post nestled between larger posts
>oh no that makes someone retarded

Look faggot, I'm not the one taking care of a dumb bitch that's going to drink herself to death because you don't have the balls to let her go.

So there ya go. Enjoy your shitty life because you won't do anything about it.

>>17005797
The guy you're replying to isn't OP. Calm down Elliot.

>>17005668
Why would that upset me? I just said OP should get his girl to go to a meeting.