I've hated my family all the time because they are such good people. All are very smart and accomplished, and I feel guilty for hating them and inferior.
I feel that my dad always knows what to do and what is best for me (a lot of his judgements have shown to be good and right) - and at the same time I feel guilty for hating them so much.
All my life I have deliberately tried to alieniate myself from my family and not be like them, but they still help me anyway.
What the fuck is wrong with me. I believe that I'm not as good as any of them, so my logic dictates that I must be a terrible person, and should just acknowledge that this is just who I am, and I am the failure of the family. Every family has to have a failure, so I guess I'm it and i just have to deal with it.
I see lots of people on the internet talking about how their dad is horrible for good reason (ie. drugs, cheating, alcoholic), but none that seem to be similar to my situation. If someone can point me to a resource that others have the same problem that would be good.
TL;DR my family are all great people, and I'm not. I feel like I have to be the bad person in the family. I hate myself for hating my family, but I also hate my family for being so good.
>>16986466
bump
Sounds like you're diagnosed with BeingaFaggotitis.
The treatment is a shot of Stop being such a lil bitch nigga
How old are you?
But how do they treat you?
>>16986543
29 - still live at home.
>>16986548
They let me do my own thing, are pretty cool with whatever I want to do.
Mabye my problem is that by arguing with them and hating them I feel like I'm becoming more independent? I don't know really.
Truth is, I do really respect them, but I feel like I have to be bad because everyone else is so good and I feel like I am constantly catching up to everyone.
You probably have some type of mental disorder. Maybe you should go tell this information to a psychologicist and they can write you a prescription for whatever the fuck is wrong with you.
What are your goals in life?
>>16986558
I used lexapro a long time ago and quit because drugs dont make the problem any better, and a lot of people get dependent on them if you take them for a extended period of time. When I took it I just felt numb to the world - no mood at all.
So yeah, I want to fix the problem without drugs. If someone knows anyone having this particular issue - within a community, can they point me to it?
>>16986585
Well, I am currently trying to start up an online business to support myself rather than climbing the corporate ladder - and trying to one-up everyone else to get to the top. They say do what you are passionate about, but the only possible passion I can identify with is Dota 2, but I want to quit that because I know its not productive.
I always instincticly thought that I should do really well at piano (what I learnt for a long time but quit recently - takes too much time to do well at it, and you have to basically give up everything else to do so), for my church and just be a happy person and help others feel better.
I moved away from that because piano is what everyone said I was good at, and I wasn't prepared to give up my life to do well at it - with that skill, you are either really really good, or you suck. There is no real in between.
So yeah, current goals I guess are get out of my job by operating an online business, get social and get some sort of purpose.
>>16986601
I think the only major change I've made recently is to go to bed early and get up early (trying to copy successful business people). I now go to bed at about 9pm and get up at 4am -including weekends.
Do you not have the ability to move out? Why not separate yourself? It doesn't seem like you have any logical reason to "hate" them. Maybe just get time away?
>>16986646
Well, I probably do have the ability to move out, but only option would be renting and I would have no real income for saving or disposable income. If my (currently not up) business gives me a good income, then this could be remedied.
What do you mean by separating yourself? Suggestions?
Getting time away, I guess mabye I could book a week at a unit near my work and see how that goes or something.
I felt the same way. I didn't feel accomplished at all compared to my family. This made me feel really defensive when compared to them. Of course I never show it or told them how I felt.
Then I decided to live on my own. And soon enough that problem went away.
It's weird. I remember caring about such little shit. But as soon as I moved out and started living on my own, paying my own rent, cooking for myself, budgeting my money, learning how to survive, all of the stuff I used to care about doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. Maybe I just don't have the time to care about small things like that, which means that I'm too busy nowadays, but I really like it. We see each other every few days and I think we're closer than ever.
So I suggest trying to be more independent. If your parents have a basement suite, ask them if you can rent it out from them. It will be cheaper as your business grows. Or you can just try to find a place that's within your budget.
>>16986675
At home we have 2 storys (ies?) in our house. I currently live in the upper one so I guess that is the same arrangement?
Currently pay rent so yeah. Mabye I should rent a place for about a month and then come back to see how I go.
Thanks for the sharing of personal experience - really appreciated.
I want to change a lot about my life and I'm just annoyed that change happens so slow, and that it seems that its not possible to change many things at once.
