Do you want to talk about it?
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Do you want to talk about it?
I'm so fucking tired of talking. I can't believe all of this is happening again. 7 years of this endless spiral of fucking sadness, and it's really getting worse every time it comes back around. I barely get to pick up the fucking pieces of my heart and mind, and then it all gets shattered once again. It's like all my life is about is just picking up broken pieces of myself. I don't even have any motivation to do it anymore. I won't kill myself because I know it'd tear apart my loved ones, but I really don't enjoy living at all. The brief moments of happiness seem only to exist, so I can be reminded how fucking depressed I am. And whatever brings me that happiness turns into the very nightmare that causes my suffering. I'm so fucking tired. I thought that I was out of it this time. I took a lot of convincing, but I was convinced. In that moment is when everything fell apart. I just exist, now. I don't live. All I feel is just sadness... I'm so damn tired.
>>16969197
My 5 year old son has severe autism and can not talk. My 2 year old daughter has cancer and the past year of treatment has been incredibly difficult. We still have a year of treatment to go. My Fiance and i have not been able to get marred due to our daughters cancer treatment. My family leans on me for all the emotional support and direction i can give them. Our sex life has been very low which is understandable but still frustrating. My fiance is the primary income for our family since i am primary caregiver to our kids, which is a full time when cancer is involved. I live in constant fear that my daughter will spike a fever which will result in us spending 2 weeks to a month in the hospital and running out of money. My fiances family tho nearby reserve the right to judge us, but never offer a single bit of help. And my fiances father is a convicted pedophile who can not help and will not help as long as i am alive. Sometimes i want to die but i keep may family safe and alive in a lot of ways. I know its hard on my fiance too so i try not to dump on her. Having a 2 year old daughter painfully suffer to be cured is hard and there is still another year left. All the while my son still can't communicate with us.
>>16969269
I know it doesn't do shit, but I fucking pray for you, man. I hope things get better for you and your family.
>>16969197
I just wish I was asexual.
This way I wouldn't need to constantly lust nor get obsessed with women or anyone else .
Shit would be more simple.
Text me woman.
>>16969269
As anon said, I can't do shit but listen and pray for you and your family. I am so sorry.
MY GOD I want to talk to you and mail you and touch you so bad. But at the same time I want to be sure that I mean something to you. -M-
i fucked up, sorry guys
Guess i was the only one who felt a connection when i saw you huh, better now then later.
I can't even ask out the least intimidating guy ever. I need serious help.
>When i was a child, my stepdad show me Porn because he thinks i am gay just because i cry a lot [He is a MURICAN]
>When i was 7,8 my brothers shows porn and watch next to me and say "Are you gay?" just because i dont like I AM A FUCKING CHILD
>9, 10 start watch porn and strange fetishes.
>My real father trys to get me to adoption and he only calls me 1 time a year and says he is busy
>15, everyone on my schools likes me, i start to stop playing and get good grades, girls start to notice me and envite, for some reason i refuse all.
>16,17, start to get into MOMcest videos, and try to record my mom naked, she caught and this gets me more into this, refuse all envites and all my parents starts to put pressure on me, because all my brothers was shit on school and everyboredy thinks i am smart enough to get the best education.
>18, start to accept the envites, extremely resistant to alcool being a anorexic guy, I thought I could drink without eating, get really drunk tells all this shit for my close friends abuse, my stepdad, my shit father and pressure from school, girls start to cry, for some reason i try to flirt all girls on this party, start feeling bad and puke
>2 Weeks later i am here telling my shit story
SORRY FOR THE WORST ENGLISH EVER, btw anyone will read this shit
>>16969387
Why don't you text her?
>>16969467
>Trying to dont masturbate anymore to fix this shit fetish and be normal.
>>16969269
Praying for you.
>>16969266
I feel the same way anon. It's been a long struggle. I'm just so tired of. I really thought I was getting better, but these past few months have proven me so wrong.
Can't wait for you to cum deep inside
Over and under each other
Through the entrance you gradually slide
Over that superior impressionist Casanova
And by the gate
As I reside
He's nothing on you
>>16969471
It's complicated. I'm just not completely sure if I do if it's actually her.
You criticize our sister for never holding a job yet you don't have the nuts to take your driving test or get an actual job. No, hanging out with near senile old men so you can work on their cars (with empty promises of pay...yeah, where are your check stubs?) isn't a fucking job. You're constantly borrowing money from our mom.
You're 27 dude. This is beyond pathetic.
I feel like I'm in a rut. I've been that way for years and now seek therapy for it. I'm getting fit now, and losing weight as well (Not too fat to begin with though). Yet, I still feel like I'll never succeed in things.
I think I may have too high of expectations, but I honestly want to be a gaming artist. I want to live stream games, make music for videos, and draw art for my dream career. I want to work with people and create art with them. Yet I feel I'll never be good enough for it.
Decided to go back to college for Computer Security with minors in Networking and possibly CS. But I don't know if I'd be happy or just doing it for the money by that point. I am a current Pharmacy Technician and not really doing much outside of it.
Sometimes I just want to end it all, cause it feels so futile. But at least I got my two cats to keep me company, and show me it's worth living it all.
>>16969419
You're everything
I just found out my crush has a fiance. Someone please kill me.
It was one thing when I was trying to get my life and my shit together for myself. But now that there are other people in the equation, people who believe in me, the pressure is so much greater that my anxiety is through the roof and I don't think I can handle it. I wish they thought I was shit. I wish they didn't think I was capable of doing any of this. I wish they didn't have these expectations about me. I don't see it as supportive - it's too much pressure. I don't know if I can graduate college.
I feel like I've lost a part of me. Even though I've always been depressed, I was able to admire the beauty in things. Not anymore.
>>16969616
>I think I may have too high of expectations, but I honestly want to be a gaming artist. I want to live stream games, make music for videos, and draw art for my dream career. I want to work with people and create art with them. Yet I feel I'll never be good enough for it.
I feel you man. My only advice is keep trying, you'll get there. If you put in the hours, you'll see improvement. In my case, I just lost what drove me to do music in the first place but that's after practicing and getting better at it.
>>16969197
I dont like how everyone on 4chan is so hateful to single moms like we arent hardworking people
>>16969620
If I could hear that or read that it would make me so unbearably happy. My heart would jump out from that. Please, say this to your special person.
>>16969602
What do you mean? You dont have her number? You're afraid you call her sister instead?
Fuck it.
I'm getting some H, and I'm going to pretend like nothing matters for the next 12 hours.
>>16969666
It's complicated man.
>>16969649
Not everyone anon, just the ones that will never have a chance to transfer genetic material to anything other than a sock in the foreseeable future.
I admire hardworking people.
I procrastinated again for the entire weekend. I was supposed to work on uni stuff. I fucking hate myself.
Fuck.
>>16969660
I'm not completely sure she wants to hear it. She's still makes the air in my lungs worth breathing though.
>>16969708
We fall so hard
Have to get back what we lost
I thought you'd gone
But you were with me all along
>tfw she had gone
You're making me want to relapse. I am fucked, aren't I?
My girlfriend had a three some with my friend and his girlfriend less than a week after we started dating
Shit sucks :(
Happy birthday to me
>>16969781
Idk nigguh
I just need a sign, some concrete comfirmation. I don't think she knows how much power she has over me. It's quite crazy.
M
Write to me, friend. How was your Easter? Did your parents bug you about your life during the easter breakfast like mine did me? Will it be awkward when we see each other again at the uni? Will you keep ignoring me in favour of cute hipster girls? Should I dye my hair red? Should I cut it? Do you like my freckles? Do you think about me at all? I think my dog might be sick and I keep dreaming about my dead grandma. But you are in my dreams too, quite often nowadays. I've meet a boy on tinder and there might be something between us, but he doesn't like cats and rarely reads. I felt very lonely yesterday. Today too. And I'm drunk again, drunk on a red wine. Drunk, drunk, drunk. I drink a lot lately. Drunk, cat-loving spinster, writing to you on a azjurganese knitting board. Which you have shown me, /p/ or /pol/, mid-winter 2013. Back when we were friends.
K
>>16969197
"There's something different about you anon."
"Why?"
"I tell anyone else what I just told you and they either recoil in horror or they lean in and want more. You don't flinch. You've seen some shit haven't you?"
Yes and no. Nothing that would be truly horrific or world shattering to anyone but me maybe.
No one believes me, but it's true. I've not been through anything abnormally terrible, lots of people have been through much much worse. Nothing special here.
>>16969815
why are you still with her. she cheated
I'm so wet
I can't wait for you to take me
Over our bed
>>16969197
I hate it when people thank me for my service.
Just payin' for college being a bullet magnet thnx
I've been sucking his cock all day
He loves it
He cums over my tits and down my throat
My ex really needs to fuck off now
>>16969833
Ayy bby where u live?
>>16969832
Before we dated, Its just the thought of it that sucks.
>>16969905
>any year
>listening to watsky
I love screwing this one man in
I'm old
He's older
Like he's gonna lick me like no other
All the hours for him
>>16969915
>any year
>talking shit about the most insignificant stuff just to talk shit. who cares. i find it silly, delightful, and a bit tongue in cheek.
yeah, people like you. anyone ever tell you you're a cunt?
take a puppy and go pls.
>>16969946
Watsky is for people who are literally even too soft for Childish Gambino. He's corny af and you should feel ashamed for liking him.
>>16969952
YOU'RE A TOWEL!
that is the direction this conversation is going.
i want to cut off huge chunks of my disgusting flab and staple them to where my tits should be
i thought i had grown out of this deep, deep disappointment with my body but it has returned with a vengeance
>>16969630
I'm replaying all our interactions in my head, and I only fell for him because he was so nice to me. Like unnecessarily friendly. It's probably because I'm a quiet shut-in loser with no friends that I took it the wrong way. I spent months of energy daydreaming about him, would get to happy just to see him, tried my best to converse like a normal person and display my interest in him. Only to find out I never had a chance. I was so forward with him, why would he never bring up his fiance? Nice people are the fucking worst.
>>16969984
Work out/diet? I don't know if your problem is genetic or something, but in 90% of the cases hitting the gym and maintaning a proper diet helps.
>>16970010
I've definitely felt a lot better since I've started working out. I do intense circuit training 3x a week and eat so so much better than I used to (around 1200cal a day now). I only drink water and green tea.
The problem, I feel, is my bf is so so lazy and will flat out refude to come shopping with me so cooking healthy food at home becomes a massive chore. Its so easy just to say "yeah sure lets buy a ready meal" and then feel like shit as soon as I eat it. He knows I have pretty bad social anxiety and find it hard to go shopping but hes so fucking lazy, he definitely doesnt help. I know its all up to me in the end but I wish he would try and be supportive. He was meant to do with me, he's the one that is actually overweight but he gave up and I feel bad for keeping at it.
My girlfriend left me for an alcoholic and now she keeps contacting me, because she wants to be friends. I don't really want to speak with her, but we have too many mutual friends pressing me and she practically lives next door so I see her everyday with her new fuckboy. This practically killed my social life. If I could I would just move the hell out of here and leave these trashy people behind.
>>16969197
My crush just broke with her boyfriend. We are talking and messaging 24/7. I'd love to make a move, but I know she doesn't like me like I like her. Every time I see her with other guy or she sends me a screenshot with other guy's messenger bubble on it, I want to kill him, so she'd have to be with me. And I'm getting more frustrated every day.
i have a feeling i'm going to get my heart torn to shreds by the same person again
my faith in people is starting to kill me
>>16969681
Don't do it, anon... for the love of God pls resist the urge
I wish being able to have long conversations with you. I feel as though I've made so many mistakes and have taken our friendship for granted. I've acted very recklessly. You're the most beautiful person I know, both on the inside and out. You're smart, kind, funny, compassionate, understanding, and beautiful, and I am so grateful for you and the influence you have had on my life. I've made so many mistakes and sometimes feel as though I've damaged my relationship with you, and for that, I'm sorry. But now, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't know if you feel the same way, but after years of this, I've made up my mind. If you don't, I understand. Last time I acted this rash it ended up compromising our relationship, and I can't give you up for a second time. All I can say is that you've made my life infinitely better. Thank you so much.
>>16969821
Happy birthday!!!!
Let's.
I let my guard down for her, removed my masks and recognised myself again
a me that I hadn't seen for a long time
she brought out my tender side, touch made me warm again and happiness became real
she showed me what it's like to be human again - to love and care for someone in the same way you should love yourself. I suppose it's because they become a part of yourself and without them life is empty and has less meaning, a lack of purpose and desire.
she pushed me to be a better me, brought out my humanity, my humour and my understanding of the world
and now it's gone and it's all my fault
all this happened to quickly and I lost control, which scared her off
and now I'm terrified I go back to how I was
>>16969781 here.
That was for >>16969681.
>friends envy my social/outgoing nature
>have been in a lot of large debates and did public speaking for a while
I'm not confident at all. I've just been depressed for the past ten years and can't bring myself to care about much.
Being afraid of speaking to a stranger, asking out a woman or stating a controversial opinion seems silly. I don't feel like any of this matters and some nights I sleep soundly with the wish of never waking up again.
I already vented about this a bit.
For the past 2 years I have been using a fake fb account pretending to be a girl, using well placed pictures, sometimes even using my gf items to support evidence of it.
I use it to mess around in pages and groups, never making any actual friends. But not long ago I gave nice advice to some people and we been cool friends. I always say I am engage, and I am in a serious relationship, which I am in.
I met this one gamer dude and for some reason I decided to stick chatting to him, and motivated him to get a job . For the past 4 months he has had a healthier life style and even showing amazing progress.
He doesn't love me, I respect him too.
Is it time to stop this charade? I told him a life time of my stories. Most are true but with twisted parts in them.
I am bi but I wouldnt want him. I like my woman a lot. This just turn in to a sick hobby.
Maybe I am just unbottling my story here for some reason...
It's a bit scary that if I tell him the truth he would just loose it.
Is it better to disconnect slowly?
I had to spend Easter alone due to a quirk in my schedule at work.
It was fucking awful.
Classes start again tomorrow but fucking Hell, I'm never staying on campus over a break ever again.
I work at Home Depot as a cashier. As part of the job I greet people as they come in.
I said "Hi, welcome to Home Depot" and he just yelled back "YEAH SAME TO YOU!" He was really mad about it. And he was with his family.
Just what is with some people?
Today i saw the girl i used to date for a month. She did not want a relationship with me but was very vague about it. I saw her walking with a bf and her parents. I just said hi nothing more she said hi back. I don't know what to feel i thought i was over her, but i'm not i wish it was me walking next to her. I also feel some sort of anger towards her and a why does this shit happen to me feeling. It's keeping me awake atm
Why am I such a cuck? I feel like such a beta even though I'm not bad looking, I talk to plenty of both guys and girls, I play in a band that's doing well locally, and I have plenty of hobbies and things to talk about. I just feel so weak and worthless, and every so often I descend into a vacuum of nihilism that leaves me with the crippling desire to cuckold someone, knowing that I can't.
>>16970316
You have given this person a better life, guided him to a healthy lifestyle with kindness. Imagine how it feels, as a gamer, to have a women encourage you over this long period of time. You would become more self-confident, healthier, a better person. If you break this illusion after all this time, you'll risk destroying this positive development you build towards to.
It'll be your choice in the end. The truth may be more harmful, as it would break apart his views on the internet and online women in general. I'd advise you, if you wish to distantiate yourself from him, to slowly fade away - leave the truth elsewherse, for that gamer person's sake.
I don't have a real Facebook account, but I made a fake one so I could find and look up females that I work with
I am fortunate to work with a lot of cute women, however pretty much any one of them I looked up already had a boyfriend/fiancé/husband
I guess its not that bad because after I find out they're off the dating market, I'm a bit more relaxed and more inclined to talk to them.
Not that they would have any reason to date me. I'm a bit chubby, shaggy hair, nerdy with low confidence. Most of all I'm shy, and suck at carrying conversations. Even if some cute girl focused all of her attention on me, I'd be like a dog chasing a car, even if I caught one I wouldn't know what to do with it.
Just needed to get that off my chest
>>16970480
Thank you very much.
>>16970576
Work on self improvement. Exercise,reading all that stuff it's not to late. Don't know what to do with it? Trust your gut feelings. I hope this is better than be urself lol
>>16969269
Stay strong. Best Wishes.
Hi, I really hate me, I find nothing worth in me, mediocrity all over, the only thing that keeps me away from suicide is my father, the only close person I love. My mind is constantly telling me how a piece of crap I am all day through. I dislike being touched, but all I want is to be caressed by a girl, however the intimacy scares me so much. My only dream is to be remembered as a cult musician, but that's such a stupid idea.
Replies much aprecciated
I just spent the last 5h laying im bed with the bf, having glorious sex avoer and over again and talking shit about how our kids will look one day and where we would want to spend our honeymoon. It was fucking neat! God, i love that guy...
I'm always at war with me because of how people perceive me. I'm tired being treated as if I'm just an outsider. I over think shit to were when I talk and in the middle my sentence I just lose thought cause of I get scared someone will think it's stupid. Family always gang up on me on every little thing I say even if it's just harmless conversation. Fucking hate how everyone judging me when I dont even say much let a lone want to talk to them cause in the end they gang up on me or exclude me out because I honestly don't know why. Am I that awkard or too different to honestly have a casual convo.
Kev,
I'm a mess. Beyond a mess, t b h. I'm so fucking scared of falling in love with you because I just know that I'm going to screw this up.
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Fuck you. Why do you have to be so god damn amazing?
I may look stoic and chill but inside I'm just dying. I can't get over this thought,
"Leave him before he leaves you."
Like, why does it have to be like this? I've been driven mad by my own stupidity and I'm cursing myself from the beginning.
I wish I could just disappear along with the memories of me in your head bc the last thing I want to see is you in pain.
Your heart is beautiful and mine is just a monster.
>>16969197
Yeah, I do want to talk about it.
I have this friend that I don't see that often. He's charming, charismatic, smart, handsome, funny, yadda yadda. I am very much drawn to him but I have no idea what he thinks of me. The last time we saw each other, we kind of had a moment. We've been texting here and there since then, but his day job is all consuming so he never really gets out.
Here's the thing, I am SICK TO DEATH of confessing my feelings to someone I'm crushing on only to be told the feeling's not mutual. I'm over that shit. So until I see him next, I'm hoping that maybe he says something first.
It sucks.
>>16970140
I picked up something else instead, relax.
Why do you care, if I may ask?
>>16970112
Been around your spot, mate.
You say you know she doesn't return the feelings, so you only have one option: Cut your ties with her. You can't get over your 'obsession', for lack of a better word, by being in this in-between spot. She may be a great friend, which is why you're crushing so hard, and you don't want to break contact, but you're tormenting yourself over the what-if and that's just plain bad for you. Be honest to her about how you feel and then break contact. If she is a good friend, she will understand and give you space.
Take your time to heal and then, when you internalised that you two will never be an item, you may re establish contact and be friends, again. If that just never happens, well then it's still better because then you don't get constantly exposed to shit that hurts you.
It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the only cure you have.
Is love in this world one sided? I keep giving, but I don't get any
>>16969197
I'm terrified.
I spent the major part of the last year taking anti depressants. I had always had episodes of this, but I could always bottle up enough to just appear stand-off-ish. Last year, my 'episode' got the better of me and people could tell. That's the moment I realised I needed help, so I let my doc prescribe me medication.
It helped, initially, but I became so absurdly sleepy. I still thought it was a good trade-off - Sleepiness instead of being suicidal. But as time went on I realised it continued to boil under the surface. I went drinking with friends, believing I could just continue, but that just took off the lid and all my frustration just poured out. It was so bad I nearly assaulted my best friend.
And then, I got better. I genuinely felt I could lay off the meds, and I did. That was last november. Now, it's around the same time as last year when my last episkde began and I'm slowly feeling it creeping back.
I don't want the next episode to be worse than the last. I don't want to take pills who do nothing but sedate me. I don't want to waste my time with therapy.
I want my life and I want to be able to make the best of it without paralysing emotional disruptions interfering.
>>16970928
Are you sure that it isn't that you simply wish it was the object of your affection that returned those feelings?
One day, it will all come into place, but do not focus solely on this. The harder you look, the worse it will be, until you are a jaded, cynical wreck.
All my friends are dead i wanna die or atleast get high but i would go to jail if i did so im fucked unless i could bypass tests
I don't think I've ever been depressed until now. I could get sad about things but nothing would really hold water for long.
The past month has given me a huge lump in my throat that never goes away, I have so many obligations I do nothing, when I do try to do something I perform it so badly I just anger people, I've already cried but it doesn't stop.
I got into a fight with one of my friends 2 weeks ago which caused a huge mess where I didn't hang out with anyone and now I simply feel alienated from them even now that I am back. It feels like they ACTUALLY only hang out in places where I am not.
Academically, I cannot perform all of a sudden, I had four super huge papers all do on one day and I could do one of them except I proceeded to drop that class anyway for a different reason, kinda half of another, and the other two nothing at all. I was just told today that they would rather not bring me on a trip for an academic club because of my poor work on the paper I could have presented (though this is more because of the very high standards).
I feel sick I don't know what to do.
I feel like I have no friends. Usually, my so called friends text me with stupid messages like "I miss you!" or something and then once we get around to making plans, they fucking cancel on me. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me that I can't make friends or keep them. I dress well, I'm hygienic, and I always do everything to be mindful and to listen to people, yet somehow no one wants to approach me or they just ignore me if I approach them.
Lately I've been spending time with my bf a lot but I hate doing that because I feel like I'm clingy and it's so telling that I have no one else to spend time with and I have to pretty much rope him into everything. I just feel like he might pity me. Also it doesn't help that my parents see that I don't spend any time with friends so they pretty much think that I'm shutting people out of my life when its the other way around.
I've seen a counselor about this, hell I was even sent to one of those "behavior improvement" classes when I was younger because of this issue. I just don't know what the fuck is wrong with me and it's killing me on the inside.
Aw I wish I was anyone else but me. I wasted my 18-21 years getting a useless English degree, then I wasted 21-23 trying to become the manager at my shitty restaurant, slept with my best friend and ruined a 3 year relationship last year, joined the fucking army to start fresh and wipe away my student loan debt, but I joined the FUCKING national guard so when my AIT is up I go back home to my mom's house to: no job, no best friend, no gf, friends who don't remember my name, and the weekend warrior shit. The law was up on my apartment right before basic so I just moved my stuff back home. The apartment isn't fucking there any more, like I could even afford it.
I'm using my gi bill on existing loans so I can't even go back to school. Shoulda just gone active and ran away to Alaska, I love the outdoors.
I just wish I could rewind to 18. I'm 24 and I'm a complete non starter, I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate the choices I've made, I'm never going to be successful, or happy. Just die
We were together for years. For so long and now I don't even know why we stayed together in our endless loop. You were a huge chunk of my life, you helped me through so much and I let you down. I thought we had a plan, you weren't supposed to stay there. I'm sorry, I don't want to text you and bother you. I hope that you're having a great life. I hope you're getting promotions at work and that you've found someone who doesn't take you for granted. I hope she doesn't cheat on you, or you on her and you find your happily ever after in this fucked up world. Even when it causes me so much pain to not have you in my life anymore, I hope you're happy. - A
R -
I'm glad we aren't friends anymore. You only like people who agree with you. You're an arrogant, selfish cuntwipe. You couldn't even bring yourself to say hi when I was right in front of you at the grocery store.
Above all else, I'm surprised at how many people don't actually like you because of the kind of person you are. I was kind of surprised, yet I wasn't.
You're not a good person, and you weren't a good friend.
I have my fair share of problems, dealing with psychosis and all. But you, you don't even have an excuse. You're just a plain old asshole.
Thanks again for flaking on my 21st birthday and never returning my calls.
You became one of the dipshits you made fun of. I may have lost a friend, but you lost your self awareness.
>>16969419
just do it.
>>16971026
dude 24 is not that bad of an age at all, you can still repair whatever you think is broken, chill.
i am about to make a horrible decision and i am fully aware of the consequences but i dont give a shit
how do i stop thinking with my dick
>>16971154
Do it.
I miss you TKT and I've been thinking about you ever since we parted ways, help me. I miss seeing Winky and Kohaku too, those little scrubs. I'm really emotionally messed up now.. I don't know what's keeping me alive any more, to be honest.
>>16971165
close your eyes and be rational. realize that those impulses you get are for animals.
not only that, imagine what would happen if you got caught. is it really worth it?
what are you planning on doing anyway?
>>16971171
quick green text?
>cheated before on my ex cause i didnt like her
>dating new girl now, actually like her
>doesnt deserve to be cheated on
>my own entire family would disown me if i did
>1 yr later, get new job, enter new girl at work
>substantially hot, out of my league, goes out of her way to meet me
>knows i have gf, doesnt seem to care
>wants to shotgun weed
>literally my fetish
i was just gonna hang out with her as friends in hopes to set her up with my single bros but she is making her intentions entirely too clear, and i dont want to seem like a jerk and piss her off cause she has the power to fuck my life up
You ignored me even when I begged you to talk to me. Even when I told you how much you were hurting me. The fuck is wrong with you. You know I never would have done that to you. It's been 3 months and 1 week.
I've been with my gf for four years and I no longer love her. We live together. What fucking do?
So I do have your number? That's all I need to know.
My god.
>>16969708
Attention seeking fag alert
Finally on meds that are working for me. Been feeling consistently great. Cheers lads.
Hey, A. It's me again. Has anyone told you just how amazing you look when you wear your hair up in a ponytail? Anyway, I hope you're feeling better and I wish you would actually want to talk to me outside of one word responses because you're all I can ever think about. Some days you're the only reason I can find the strength to get out of bed. Anyway, I'm super excited that I might see you tomorrow. It's all I've been thinking about all day, really. Maybe I'll even get to say a few words to you. I wish I were good enough for you and I wish I could tell you how I felt. I wish I just knew what I have to do to make you feel the same way about me as I do about you. One question though: Do you already know how I feel about you and just choose to ignore it though? Well it's getting late so I guess I'd better let you go.
-T
>>16970155
How did you lose control?
>>16971154
I can't, I need to hear it from you, I must have your permission to do so.
>>16971267
I'm curious as to how you got to that conclusion. It's not a normal situation in the slightest.
>>16971304
What are the initials of the person you want to hear it from?
>Be me severe school based and social anxiety
>move towns from the place ive lived for 15 years to a small town of 13k people
>start going to school missing some days school is extremely clique based spend my days sitting in a corner by myself at lunch reading or listening to music still pretty socially retarded
>People come up to me out of pity all the time
>Principle tells my mom I don't belong in this school mom gets hella pissed drop out on and off for a year
>stay friendless and basically neet for 2 years
>one day feeling motivation finally go in for my l test and pass it, and go and sign back up for school end up getting put in an alternative center for troubled kids
>aswell as going to mental health for therapy and get some meds
>cute scene girl with a limp catches my attention. start showing my online friends pictures of her for opinions. They say shes really hot op go for it.
>she ends up coming over to my table to talk to me friend her on fb. She starts dropping hints right away like asking me to do unrealistic things and saying if i did she would give sexual favors ect kinda playing around
> fall in love with chick stay in the friend zone for a year she helps me with my social issues
>and i help her with her emotional issues
>tfw she was raped at age 14 by a boyfriend who was 17 spends 6 months in therapy and takes this unknown medication she would never tell me what it was
>finally date her in the summer of 2014 after two weeks she goes to alberta to vist family goes to partys and stuff out there shes pretty outgoing.
>we talk pretty much everyday awaiting the time when we can be together again
>she sends a paragraph long text about how much she loves me saying she'll always be there for me
>three days later her friend is in the hospital she tryed to commit suicide try as best i can to help her get through it im really good with emotional and psychological things want to be a psychologist
con't
>>16971345
> A day later she breaks up with me with no specific reason
>selfharm for the first time get kind of suicide
>week later she comes back posts on fb with a random guy ive never seen before doing things she asked me to do when she gets back
> a week after shes been back posts a relationship update with that guy A FUCKING WEEK LATER
>I'm devistated try to go back to school following summer the alternate is kinda small so we're always kinda close to each other physically she completely ignores my existence and acts like nothing ever happened
> see her hanging out with bf well im with my friends everybody kinda knows eachother they want to go talk to her to "cockblock" the knew guy i want to skinny fuck i want to knock him out so bad but he has no idea about the situation so i don't she asks my friends for money to get something at the gas station
> friends say why don't you ask anon hes the only one with a job she sits there trying not to look at me awkwardly smirking i throw a dollar at her face she picks it up and says thanks
>i dropout the next day quit my job and my family moves a couple months later
>dad does cocaine smokes weed everyday and has gambling problem
>he has 6 kids he doesn't know makes six figures can never help me out
>fast forward to present cousin commits suicide and a family friend ods
>>16971387 >Mom has breakdown says she fucked up by getting prego and wishes i was never born
>I enroll in online school to try to make something of myself despite my shit grammar i have an iq of 140
> I'm 19 now and suicidal its been 7 months since moving mom has no job pressures me everyday to get a job despite doing school as well be me suicidal and need treatment once again fuck me sideways
>and I haven't talked to my dad in a year what do
This is the strangest thing I've ever typed:
When I orgasm, I'm sometimes overwhelmed with the desire to hit myself in the head. I've tried a bunch of different things. Slapping myself, lightly tapping my temples, stuff like that. But for some reason I have this weird, masochistic urge to just bash my head when I cum.
I'd never do it, since it's obviously dangerous, but goddamn. If I could nail myself with a baseball bat at the moment I came, I'd be in heaven
>>16971408
this is grill im also obsessed with scene/emo chicks and chicks with issues now. tried to od on codeine didn't work. mom always denies me personal rights treats me like a man child i just want to get the fuck out of this house and never talk to my parents again or do what my cousin did and just fucking kill myself
>>16971422
also been experimenting with drugs lately mostly party drugs and hallucinogens
been a couple years. im still a loser/ been awhile but now im here.
was gone and now im back. same as it ever was. its true what they say..."your enemies stay the same but your friends always change".
where were you when i needed you? talking to myself. i hate who i see in the mirror.
wish i had a twin so i could know what it feels like to kill yourself without actually dying.
i died. i died. i died.
I unblocked someone I dislike quite some time ago, for no real reason. It occurred to me tonight just a little bit ago that I wouldn't want to run the risk of having to deal with them contacting me again, so I reblocked him.
>>16971387
*The new guy he was a skinny fuck and i wanted to beat the shit out of him and also i don't mean suicide i mean suicidal sorry i have a minor learning disability when it comes to grammar and spelling so I don't really notice all the mistakes intill I actually post. But no I'm not a retarded autist.
I am so alone without you. It has been 6 months, 12 days, 22 hours, 56 minutes since we last spoke. I feel so alone, why did you stop talking to me? You taught me so much about life, you stopped me from killing myself, but know not even a single hello from you. Why? Why are you doing this to me? My chest hurts when I think of you, I feel a pain down in my gut. A feeling of loneliness and hate, I hate that you are doing this to me. But there is more to remember than hatred and rage.
I hope you remember me, I will never forget when I met you that summer. In some stupid gaming clan, but our friendship grew past that. I hope I am not the only one who looks back on those days with happiness. Every day i dreamed of meeting you for real, but wishes do not come true. We just cling onto these phantoms thinking that some day it will all get better.
I can feel the pain, I feel it inside me. I hope that somehow you read this and you know it's me Kevin. You were like a brother to me, i loved you like one. You were the only friend i had, now I am alone. All i have are memories to keep me company. The memories of phantoms.
Maybe, in the event you see this, you will talk to me. Goodbye Kev, I love you brother.
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and the connection is crazy. I love him so fucking much it's incredible. He makes me so happy. We are so similar in the best ways, and complement each other well. We are comfortably vulnerable around each other. Tonight I asked him how he would feel about a girlfriend looking at his text messages. It spiraled into this long conversation about privacy and full self-disclosure and what I want out of love/ what true closeness means to me. I would and want to tell him everything about me I can. To increase our understanding of each other. I would like the same out of him. I think there should be little privacy in a truly intimate relationship and complete open communication where nothing is off limits to talk about. He doesn't feel the same. He says what I think might not be healthy. He thinks that it is about respect and trust. I do not. Full disclosure is just something that is natural to me as I am totally okay with saying anything/being vulnerable around those closest to me. I do respect individuality, but in a romantic relationship it is extremely disheartening for me to hear about this fundamental difference in our approach to love. Especially since full disclosure is the absolute most important thing to me in love and intimacy. Is wanting to know any and everything (loose term) a controllig behavior or is it just my way of interacting? I'm confused and very upset. Since we are so similar I thought our values in love would be more or less the same.
you think I don't know you're seeing eachother.
"I want nothing to do with you"
"I want nothing to do with you"
"Stop trying to stand out and get attention, I want nothing to do with you"
"When you burn a bridge, it stays burned."
I really don't want to have to say this to you again anytime soon, J. I gave up long ago on you ever changing your attention whoring personality and lack of any dignity as long as it entertained you. I have people I want in my life, and someone I care about that I prioritize over most things. I don't want you in my life even as an acquaintance. Nor any of the friends that go hand-in-hand with your antics.
>>16970147
Lovely
Your my best friend, and I like you a lot, but you can be a real asshole sometimes. Fuck your "brutal honesty" it's just a excuse go be cruel. You don't care about being honest, your more interested in being brutal. I know I don't have the thickest of skins but when you say mean shit to my face I hope you realize I don't need to put up with it.I like you, but I don't need you.don't push me just because you think I won't stop hanging out with you. Learn to be tactful or fuck off.
>>16971518
say my name say my name
>>16969197
I just really want someone to actually look me in the eye and have a real conversation with me. And after that conversation I want to be able to sit in silence, without it being awkward, and just exist. Together.
But I have crippling depression so that will never, ever happen. And just thinking about that puts me in a loop of self loathing anxiety
you know, I was feeling good.
>>16970705
I'm so envious of you tbqh, I wish I had that again. I hope you get your happy ending with him.
>>16971281
Maybe they're just clueless.
>>16970147
I feel exactly the same
Close to starting year 18 of a continuous clinical depression. The only thing that put a band aid on it in years is gone, she doesn't want to know.
I miss you every day, and you not giving a shit is probably the best gift of all, it's shortened the time I have left.
So yeah, I guess I'm saying you could have it a lot worse. 18 years of mediocre melancholy shit! If you turn yourself around in less time than that, you beat one person.
No reply huh, what did I even expect. Still you could have sent some kind of nonsense back...
You don't genueily love me, and you're not attracted to me anymore. Why are you playing this charade?
You haven't initiated sex in 4 months, I gave up trying. We haven't touched each other in 2 months because of that.
two christmas's, two birthdays. I went all out for you each time to make you feel special, you didn't do anything for me. ever. you might as well of forgot it was my birthday.
You ruined my life, you picked me up when I was alone and ruined and exposed me to your terrible friends and family to have them fuck me over too.
You told me they'd all support us and like me. They were just as manipulative as you.
I can't believe a word you say anymore.
>>16972139
Have you tried ECT? I've been getting it for the past few months and it has been *really* helpful for me.
It's definitely something worth talking to your psychiatrist about.
I also go on a mental health chatroom (where everyone is mentally ill), if you feel like you could benefit from group support: http://theircvillage.com/chat/
I wake early with you in my head. I can't get you out of my head. The hours, days, years pass and more vividly you appear to me, so strongly. I can't forget, I can't seem to just get over you and enjoy my life without you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I hope so much you haven't gone, I need you so much. You're the love of my life, this pain is killing me, I need to feel your warmth against me again and nothing else matters more than that. You're so beautiful to me, so graceful so tactful. Even your impatience runs electricity through my veins. When you look into my eyes I melt into you. Your soul belongs here. We are so perfect. No one can match our personalities better. I worry about you. I want to keep you from harm. I feel protected and loved by you. I'm obsessed. I love your obsession for me too, I'll never leave you. I need you home. I love all of you. Please
I'm going to do it. I'm going to finally talk to her tomorrow. I can't pussy out anymore.
>>16971195
Do you want to love her again?
If so, you need to act like you love her. Act like she's the most important part of your life. Treat her like you did when you loved her. Essentially, fake it. But don't fake it just going through the motions, fake it like you actively want to try. It won't work overnight, and it might not be pleasant for you, but over time you will grow to love her again if you really devote yourself to her.
Are there specific things that she did that contributed to it?
If that's the case and you want to love her again, you need to do the above, but talk to her. Which you might want to do anyway. Let her know how you are feeling and that you want to love her again, and let her know what is wrong. Or if it's an issue with yourself, fix it yourself. Possibly via therapy, depending on the issue.
If you don't want to love her again, or if she's not willing to help fix the issues in your relationship, well, there's not much to do. Your options are basically to break up and one of you moves out, or you stay in a relationship you don't want to be in until she breaks up with you, which she'll probably do because if both partners aren't committed then things will probably degrade.
>>16972163
Just passing by to say good luck.
How to come out as homosexual to friends/family?
>>16972175
Sit your family down and tell them that you're gay. Maybe bring your boyfriend over for support, if you have one.
>>16972193
What if they call him a faggot and throw him out?
>>16972175
They already know anon.
>>16972210
He didn't mention them being particularly homophobic, though I suppose that is a concern if they are.
My entire family knows that I'm bi except my dad, and they don't really give a fuck.
>26, male
>discovering i have a low sex drive, but it might be from all the drugs im doing
>have no drive to find a woman, especially since my last relationship, and assuming im sensitive
>where do i find women with low sex drives? Church? Pls help
>>16972236
So you could say that you got ... bi with coming out.
Also I'm slowly discovering at 22 that I might be slightly bisexual (can't see myself in a relationship with a dude but I get aroused by the idea of having sex with a dude) and I don't really wanna come out of the closet cause my parents are homophobic af.
I have alot of people I hate,mbut they ate friends of my boyfriend, or my good friends...
i was eating roast chicken today and it tasted like someone came in the marinade.
tbqh i found it intensely arousing.
>>16971194
Yikes, I feel like this is going to be me 3 months from now. someone i love kept hurting me and now they wont talk to me. completely of their own doing
>>16972175
bring a boyfriend around!
if you don't have one, just wait until the time someone asks why you don't have a gf and just say "because i'm gay"
i don't know where you live, but unless your family/friends are regressive right rednecks, or you live in some place like russia or the middle east, you're unlikely to get any crap for it.
Sometimes I think I want to properly love someone but in the end I know I dont give a shit about trying and this is making me feel really bad.
I want to find someone I'd like to be in a relationship but it just seems impossible to me rn. My parents always said to me to be careful around guys and this is why I avoided going to parties and just tried to give by best at the things I liked doing. It just seemed the right thing to do. now that I'm grown up I cant find the will to actually be with someone and this scares me cause I might ended up alone in life.
Every night i sift through adv just to look at these threads. Everynight. I lurk not to see something relevant to me, but to see how other anonymous hearts are being broken, or being mended. I come here to get a glimps into what some people spend their entire day thinking about, the stuff that never leaves their mind but they have no one they can tell it too. I come here to know im not alone and to let others know they're not alone as well. Sometimes i feel so connected to all of you beautiful strangers because i have no idea who you are. I dont know your name. I dont know your face, but for just a moment i am inside of your mind, the part of you that your afraid to let anyone actually see.
If you're reading this, know that even if our paths never cross, we are connected in this twisted sense. And i love you.
>>16972331
Cool. Could you get the ketchup from the fridge please?
Do you not know that my friends text me when you post bullshit or fake dirty laundry on your facebook?
I find it funny that you harshly criticize everyone and fabricate stories. Go ahead, drag the family through the mud for those few likes from whatever friends you have left. Insult the family that is housing you, feeding you and tolerating your jobless ass. Be ungrateful as ever and publicly talk trash on us, start drama.
OH, but you're two years sober now? That must mean you're a good person now, right?
Wrong. You're still beyond pathetic, very petty, a thief and a disgusting individual. I do sincerely hope you die due to your numerous health issues that were self-inflicted due to your substance abuse. You've shown you will never truly change and dying would be the most heartwarming and thoughtful thing you could ever do.
aaugghh i need a drink after that semen marinated roast chicken
>>16972353
If it made you so interested, why not just cum on your own hand and slurp it up?
>>16972245
just like regular life, nobody is there. not even on an anonymous costa rican basket-weaving bulletin board.
fuck you all.
I hate it when .... always choses someone else! .... promised that it will always be us over them!!! Still, .... choses them! I mean wtf?!? Fuck you!
>>16972357
well i could ask my husband to let me slurp his but that would just be my duty and isn't nearly as exciting as randomly tasting another stranger's semen in my chicken
>>16972385
Set up a PO box and have people send you vials of semen.
>>16972371
well you kinda did answer your own question
the better idea would be to not just bother about relationships until you're interested, meanwhile, keep interacting with friends so that you don't end up a spaghetti spilling autist
>>16970868
I have a junkie friend, recently relapsed, life quickly spiraling out of control. Good job deciding against the H
I can't stop crying and these tears are selfish and demanding. Everything seems so pointless, I just want to hide and continue with tear shedding but I need to stop somehow. I need to go buy some food at least.
>>16972149
You gotta give me something to build off of
>>16972158
Initials to/from?
>>16972406
Are you depressed? Perhaps you should see a psychiatrist, and a therapist.
Major Depression overview: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/definition/con-20032977
Chronic depression overview: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/persistent-depressive-disorder/home/ovc-20166590
How to find a mental health provider: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health-providers/art-20045530
How to find a therapist: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist
Dealing with suicidal thoughts (just in case you suffer from those): http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm
I hope these links are of some help to you!
I'm sorry I was mean to you on /adv/. I keep telling myself it was for your own good, but I can't help but feel I made the world a worse place somehow. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
>>16972331
This is really nice, anon... I love you in all your brokenness too
>>16972414
Thank you. I don't anything kind of suicidal thoughts but I feel so tired and sad. I'll look into those links.
>>16972410
I don't know what can I say. I try to be neutral, not asking any questions, since it would feel even worse, if you don't reply.
>>16972447
I understand not wanting to inflict more pain upon yourself, but if you want an actual conversation you're gonna have to take that chance... I'll spout nonsense and keep it flowing but you gotta put in some effort too
I gave you so many chances, Harry
so many chances
you almost killed me
but now I am god
We'll never be together again. The thing is i think about you every second of my life.When i go to sleep, i see every time we were together. But when i wake up, you're not here.
I've been alone my whole life because others rejected me, so i cloaked myself into a shell of solitude.
Yet i wanted you to know a part of me nobody knows. Yet i've gone beyond what i'm capable of to make you love me. You did, but for a short moment.
And there comes the times when we were together. When we were not only two, but one.
And then comes the mornings when i wake up, alone, empty of your touch, your smile, your presence.
And then comes again my life, a never-ending circle of suffering, because you're not here, because...
We'll never be together again.
>>16972512
>am god
thank you for sacrificing your only son
Hey world
I don't want to be a pussy about the whole 'depression' meme but life is getting quite hard. I still care and I still want to be a great person and do all the great things that I should do, but it's getting harder.
It's been almost five years that I've been sad for now and it's not getting worse in an acute sense but the whole ordeal is taking its tole on me.
I really hope that it stops because I feel like it's starting to be too heavy for me to operate on a day to day basis.
Again I don't want to be a pussy about this sort of thing, but this thread /is/ about getting things off our chests right?
Thanks if you read it.
>>16972553
Are you getting psychiatric help? If not, see >>16972414.
>>16972495
I'll take any risk, just please take the first step, if you want to. One more time, please?
>>16972570
Give me your initials and I'll do it right nao
>>16972172
Thank you anon. I'll need it.
>>16972570
Last name begins with B, first with M.
Bah, my tooth just chipped. Hugely.
Need a dental workup now. :|
It's now ten days since I spoke to anyone other than to ask shopkeepers for alcohol. As soon as I can pay my rent I'll not have money left for food for a full month. I think I might get myself sectioned for a while as there'll be food there. It wouldn't be dishonest, they tried to keep me there last time but I ran away.
>>16972635
No freaking way. If the person you're speaking of has the first initial A, then text me
>>16969821
Happy Birthday Anon :) Try and get out and celebrate in some way, no matter how big or small
no, actually i'm not okay,
i just really want to fucking die.
god i wish i wasn't such a melodramatic piece of shit, but anyhow.
Girl I was dating would tell me everyday that I was everything she'd ever wanted and more, that I have her a feeling no other person has brought out in her, how everyday that I spent with her I made her happy. She has a past of substance abuse and is in NA right now, and also only dated sketchy dudes.
I told her I loved her, and at first she was fine but told me she wasn't emotionally ready to say it back as she was afraid of hurting me. 4 days pass, doesn't talk to me, and tells me she doesn't want a relationship anymore. Admittedly, I j nd of freaked out and tried to talk to her, and she told me I took this all too seriously, and the fact I'm reacting the way I was was the reason she wanted to end it. She broke up with me over the phone.
It's been almost 3 weeks, I've tried contacting her twice but she won't respond. She's removed me on Facebook, possibly blocked my phone number, I'm fucking devastated. I've never acutaly felt depressed until now. In my head I don't think she actually wanted to break up. I've thought maybe her sponsor told her to leave me, maybe she was scared of opening up and being hurt again, I just don't believe she doesn't want to be with me anymore.
I just want to talk to her for 10 minutes, just to tell her how I feel. Maybe I'm just delusional, but I want to try so fucking bad to get her back. If she denies me to my face I can move on, but until then I won't be able to.
Met a girl, liked the girl, kinda fell fot her, distant at first because I smelled someting is fucked up, decide to end it, she practically begs me not to
>mkay
Continue for another 3-4 weeks, have sex with her, feel pretty shitty for whatever reasons,go on bingedrinking for 6 days, find out she is with another man last night, already drunk then. I feel better now, a lot better and gonna drink today, being the 7th day. Hope i'll have fun.
>>16972847
Feel pretty shitty because she broke up with me right the next day. A bit drunk now...
>>16972175
Why do you have to?
I will never understand this.
>'Mom, Dad... I am sexually attracted to 2D women. I'm going to bring my body pillow home tomorrow, and I hope you'll love my waifu as much as I do.'
Why do your friends and family need to know your sexual preference?
>>16972539
Initials?
I developed a crush on a friend and I dunno how to confirm if she doesn't like me that way so I can get over it.
>>16972808
How long were you together, how long has she been in NA, and why do you believe her sponsor is responsible?
You may never get ten minutes with her, or see her face-to-face. She ended it, and you need to accept she may never give you closure.
No Contact is your only chance, as your actions are validating her concerns.
My friend is cheating on his wife and I really want to drop anonymous screenshots that he's on hookup websites.
I don't know what to expect from you. I don't know what to do. I want us to be a complete package. I want to try again, I want you to drop your defenses and let me be your b.
Just ask me to hang out already.
I need a job.
I am fucking fed up with the disparity between what it takes to get a job and what is required at that job. every job I've had has involved some sort of prolonged coronation process where I jump through several hoops and bust my ass just to get in the door and prove my undying worth. that's not terrible, I can do that and it feels great when it pays off. but then most of these jobs end up being the easiest fucking things ever, where expectations are so disproportionately low that you wonder why they went through such a rigourous hiring process and didn't just take a yes from the first non-vegetable that walked in the door. my last employer just called it quits on me, so I'm fresh out of work. I spent all of yesterday refining my resume and writing cover letters and I realised that was the most stressful day of "work" since my last job hunt.
fuck.
I'm a normal (apparently even charming and good looking when I want to be) person, have a fair bit of success with ladies but never had a gf, women expect me to put so much into them and frankly very few are worth it. The couple I did think were are unavailable to me.
I'm bored of being single and seeing people who are socially inept and unattractive ending up in more relationships than me (though not with girls that I would want)
>>16969197
I can't stand this anymore. The good old happy days will soon disappear. My future isn't pretty and I know it. I just wish this all to end. Fuck.
>>16969821
Happy birthday man. Wish you all the best.
>>16969616
the reality of creative careers is that most people compromise and do something else, maintaining what they do as a hobby. be prepared for this.
brian eno has this term "scenius" like a scene's genius he calls a major factor in artistic success and greatness. this is to say memorable creatives most often emerge from larger communities of artists and creative supporters rather than based on their own merit alone. start making friends and contributing to creative conversations in whatever way you can. not only will you get inspired, but seeing friends succeed creatively is its own reward.
I recently earned my BFA and spent 8 months in this sulking "I am not truly the artist I desire to be" space and it was brutal. but I am slowly coming to terms w the ideas above and that I don't need to be successful in others' eyes to be satisfied.
in 2016, everyone is a creative so get fucked.
I fucking hate myself for not realizing earlier that that one message from her that could've started everything. That I (for others it would've seemed in a rude way) jokingly told her to fuck off while we were screwing around, but once we started actually talking for the first time she admited that that thing got her annoyed and pretty angry.
And right now, when I made the move, she doesn't feel the same. Atleast says so or isn't sure, thing is, she likes being alone for some reason. She likes when there's noone to care for. She's beautiful, has a great personality and is a great person to talk to. She's been very open to me, and she trusts me dearly even though she has had problems with other people regarding trust and friendships. But it's not the same. She doesn't feel that way anymore. And it's been somewhat quiet for a while now.
But honestly, I changed my mind about being more than friends - if something went wrong it wouldn't be the same as just having a friendly talk, and breaking up would mean end of contact.
I've gotten over it but there's a bit of hope left only because I don't know anyone else that's such a great person.
Any tips or anything? We both know it'd be a sad shame if our friendship ended but we both talked about it and it's better to keep it that way. Or do I sound beta as fuck?
Just showed my lab partners my fap folder.
>>16973420
dude two possible reactions:
1- your lab partners are weirded out meaning they don't know the joy of collecting and honing a personalised porn collection and probably watch top videos on pornhub (or no porn at all, w/e fuck them)
2- some of them probably were reminded of their own private stashes, routines, rituals around self satisfaction and maybe felt some comraderie w/you
unless you had illegal shit, this shouldn't really affect their impressions of you
1's are dipshits anyways
2's are reclusive anyways
I have a physical deformity that prevents me from getting laid.
>>16973441
That's called your face, not a deformity.
Even though I try to tell myself I still love them, I feel a lot of resentment towards my parents. They did their best to quash any sense of independence I might have had when I was a teenager. I couldn't work because I had to 'focus on my studies'. I couldn't have a social life because 'kids these days are all deviants'. I couldn't drive because 'insurance is too expensive, and why do you need to drive anyway?' Now that I'm closing on 30 and still living with them, I still don't know how to function without them. They treat me like I'm worthless because I can't do the things they didn't allow me to do. I had to entirely depend on them financially when I got my first shitty pseudo-IT service job in a different city (the only thing that would hire me).
If they'd just got over their fucking neuroses and let me have some independence, I probably could have worked my shit jobs and built up to something that would let me save up and go travelling. I could have avoided wasting six years of my life in college (sucked at my major, couldn't afford to start over) just to come out with nothing to offer to anybody. It's too late for me. I'm trapped in the bottom-feeding end of the rat race forever because I'm too old and underskilled to be of value to anybody. I don't have any motivation to do anything anymore.
>>16973440
Thanks anon. That makes me feel a bit better. I'm basically just trying to laugh about it as much as possible, and take solace in the fact that they'll probably forget about it relatively quickly as we move on with our work. I've been witness to a lot of embarrassing moments belonging to other people, and I can't even really name them. Gah.
>>16973444
I can't tell if you're insulting me or trying to make me feel better.
>>16972539
What if they want to be together again?
If you choose not
You chose
>>16973446
Also, I failed repeatedly to get work as an English teacher in Asia. Even companies that were bottom of the barrel didn't want me.
im a girl that has had some self esteem/confidence/self image issues in my life. lately ive been meeting guys while out and about and hooking up a lot. at first it was a huge boost in confidence for me to see that random guys where actually attracted to me but during a completely unrelated conversation one of my friends was talking about how guys routinely go for the easiest looking girl.... now i cant help but apply that logic directly to myself and feel like shit for meeting guys while im out having fun. im just confused.
>>16973109
Just tell her.
Oh, and for me, I can't fucking cry to get over her. Someone please help me!
>>16972385
This is very exciting. Please describe your hair (cut, colour) and I will fantasize about you swallowing a stranger's semen next time I masturbate.
Or if you like, tell me your first name and I'll do the same next time I'm intimate with my wife, but not tell her that I am thinking about you.
I have the opportunity to buy a musical interment, but I have my doubts. I would love to play something, but would I be good at it? Will I have the time or patience to practice and learn music? or is it the fact that I feel that it's a waste of little cash I have, I already did something stupid with my money, so that's weighing me down. I just wish I could make these decisions right off the bat and not over think these things.
>>16973474
You need to stop. Your friend is semi right, but it works more like this: men will stick it in almost anything. You need to love yourself first girl, otherwise no one else will love you.
Your new crush seems to be under the weather because he's playing it without you. I'm sure you'd both be happier if you went and told him you wanted to do stuff with him when you get up. He spent a lot of time making it clear how he felt about you over the last month, while I was still too preoccupied trying to wrestle with my regret. Since he cares so much, you should give him more of a chance to make you happy.
I cringe so much whenever you hit up other girls on twitter, and when the texts on your phone show other girls sexting you. Its gross. you're gross and i hope someone exposes you even though i love you
Please stop obsessing over your ex. She's moved on and is in a happy healthy relationship for TWO YEARS. Yet you keep on trying to stay relevant in her life so she doesn't forget you. Or maybe change her mind and want you back? Doubtful. It's pathetic and we all know what you're doing. What are you going to do if she gets engaged? Married? Has babies?
>>16972635
Hmm, well... I haven't received a text, so I'm guessing those initials are the greatest coincidence in the history of mankind. Good luck with your person, anon
>>16973509
Btw..you would really fucking hate yourself for not texting me back if I died or something. Way to go fuckup. Btw Im never buying you supreme ever again until you wife me and stop being a hoe
>>16973538
tfw this sounds like a troll but im serious
i really hate myself sometimes
>>16973538
Why would you want to be wifed by someone that doesn't respect you?
"Anger and pain doesn't hold on forever". So much for that, huh? Just wanted to let you know I forgave you a long time ago.
>>16973474
if it makes you feel good and the guys you meet arent trashy assholes that treat you like shit....then id say "different strokes for different folks" i totally went through a phase like that and came out of it when i met a guy that seemed like he actually cared about me. we're married for 3 years now and couldnt be happier but we met at a rave and the first words he ever spoke to me where "show me your tits!" lol
>>16973601
Someone that treats a friend as a toy to vent on had nothing to "forgive"
>>16973556
love is fucking blind
not her
>>16973617
Huh?
>>16973523
Men and women are wired differently. While women can get over it easily, men can't. It's fucking biology/science/god's plan whatever.
>>16973650
Convenient venting in response, because it's the sort of thing someone I once knew would say.
>>16973490
thanks for your advice <3
>>16973474
the guys are just using you for your holes. so if you like being a slut then keep going but if not... stop whoring around.
>>16973820
thanks for your advice too... although you could have worded it with a little more kindness.
I can't believe you had the nerve to call me abusive after all your manipulation and lies.
I'm glad you're gone, and I'm glad your sow can't breed. I can't imagine the product of what you two raise in this world. What a train wreck. I hope you know you fundamentally mind fucked everyone you got close to and the people you loved will never be the same because of how you handle them.
K,
I told the current person I'm with about how much of a cunt you were. We laughed about it and talked about how you'll be the one that's lonely in the end. Shit, it's funny how much better I feel without you around. You're now just a huge joke that'a apart of my past. Funny how that works out.
J,
You will always be the one who tried to act big and lash out to get a reaction and got cut off. You will also always be the one who tried establishing contact again. The fact you told your friends shit to work in your favour only solidified that. And more importantly, you still are the only one of this whole deal trying to stand out in places you had no reason to even be at. You stabbed someone who tried to be a friend to you in the back several times before contact was cut in August. No one seemed to ever teach you that trying to get negative attention from someone doesn't mean they'd want to spend time with you, it does the opposite. The day you focus on your life and stop trying to stand out because you desperately crave attention is the day you'll act your age and not like a middle school child who misbehaves at home because they aren't the center of attention.
>>16973831
Not your K alas, but I'm bored. Story time?
>>16969197
no, i dont.
>>16973823
>>16973808
Just write it off as your 'slutty phase' and be more respectful of yourself in the future.
J,
I want a divorce
You cheated on me and now you're cheating on her. What the fuck is wrong with you?
>>16973188
You aren't writing to me, but it's just there. I'm never dropping them again.
>>16973831
Your initials?
Why doesn't she just tell me? Why did she reply happily and hang out with me 2 weeks ago but now hardly replies to my messages? I wish I could just tell her how I feel but the looming threat of rejection keeps me from doing anything besides making some small chat. Fuck my life
>>16973188
Be mine then
>>16973906
i guess thats the best thing to do? im just wondering if that will mean im also a lot lonelier? i just have to try and see i guess. thank you!
Life is finally getting good Again.
The crazy people are finally leaving me alone, damn it feels good to set boundaries and have them strong and functioning.
To top it off, i did not have sex once, but twice this weekend. And the last girl, was fucking amazing. I haven't met a woman like this in forever, She literally showed me that woman can be amazing, and goodhearted, kind and caring, not all ruthless bitches who are out to crush what they can't have.
Sucks, that i am probably her rebound guy, but i think she secretly kinda likes me too. Her boyfriend is an idiot for breaking up with her, but oh well, my gain.
I hope we get to enjoy each other more, and that i have made atleast an awesome friend, seriously you are amazing new girl.
To top it off, i will probably have an amazing appartment atleast for the coming months with my very own rooftop, to have hot sexy nights with this amazing crush i have, and be the best rebound guy ever. I secretly hope she falls for me, but time will tell, and even if not, its ok. She showed me there is hope on this absolutely crazy planet.
Life is fucking good, and perserverence, patience and kindness goes a long way. Backstabbing, lying and deceit is weak, and luckily ive survived the bullshitters, and have amazing people around me. I wouldn't have changed anything, the fire has forged me, and made me good. FUCK YEAH LETS DO THIS.
No more Mr nice guy though, killer instinct is back in buisness.
>>16974052
Are you okay being lonely? Hooking up can be just as lonely if they're empty encounters. You have to be comfortable with yourself.
Been at home for around a year now.
Lost interest in almost everything. First tried learning python, then C. Maybe I didn't stick to it long enough to find appeal in it?
But on the other hand I'm not sure if programming really interests me or anything computer related.
Maybe I will try something creative.
I will also try shrooms soon, I hope they can help me with depression. If not I want to an hero.
I mean yeah I do get sad sometimes but this is not the reason I want to kill myself. I just don't see anything interesting to do (besides a few psychedelics I want to try) in life, but that may also be a product of depression.
I'm close to starting with League of Legends again (quit at least 2 times before) just so I can feel like a part of something and maybe, just maybe I can be good at something.
What?
>>16973854
Man, I should stop coming here. So many J's. Maybe this is for me. Maybe it's not. I don't think it is. But, now I'm paranoid. I hope no one perceives me this way. But, then again if they do there's no reason for me to try and change their mind.
R,
I want to see you so bad.
I'd never date someone like you again, if I can help it.
Dating you was a mistake.
But fuck, I love you so damn much.
"You'll get over me," you said.
How much longer? I've been lovesick for so long and it's not getting better.
- A
>>16974233
An easy way to find out would be to post your last initial.
>>16974053
If it's that gal you were with last night… eww!
>>16974256
>I'd never date someone like you again
What was s/he like?
>>16973831
Just in case this is for me I've told everyone how much of a whore you are and like you I feel much better when I don't see you. So last night sucked for me. Right now I'm wishing you would just move out of town or something.
>>16974256
Dude I'm a R that just broke up with my A and when I started reading this my heart raced like a motherfucker. But I didn't initiate the breakup nor ever sad something like this. Fuck.
>>16971312
This is anonymous. Why can't you just say what's so complicated about it? Fuckin' hell
There's a rule about "no intimate relationships in the first year of sobriety". And I hear that rule is encouraged for more than just the first year, because some people still don't have their shit together enough after the first year. I've convinced everyone around me that I have my shit together. I'm good at appearing like I'm doing alright. But for the past few months I've been feeling near-crippling depression on nearly a daily basis. I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship. I want one because I met someone great, but I don't want to become co-dependent on another person again. I've never had a healthy relationship before. The power dynamic was always fucked up. I don't know what to do. I don't trust myself to make my own decisions.
>>16974279
Didn't care for the relationship as much as I did and eventually became apathetic, I guess.
Also I have mental disorders and he doesn't accept them, often telling me to keep it to myself so I don't ruin the mood.
Admittedly I'm a god-awful girlfriend, I'm clingy and possessive and have a fuckton of insecurity issues so I genuinely understand that some people can't put up with that, and I'm not trying to antagonize him because he was a good guy -- there's just limits to what people can put up to, you know?
I guess I need someone who can accept how despicable I am.
What pisses me off the most is that I never noticed you once in the years you saw me around. No you had to make the first move. I didn't know you were some kind of bon vivant or whatever you are. I didn't know that you were going to be so ruthless and unforgiving when you are the one who needs to apologize to me. And your friends are assholes. Every time I see you I want to see a broken nose or jaw but every time since you've had the usual stupid look on your blank face. I hate you. Maybe if it comes to it I'll do it myself. But I'm still scared of you. You make me feel like there's nothing good in this world.
I'm 18 and still watch disney channel every day.
>>16974470
you dont get tired of it??.. maybe its because i watched disney a LOT when i was a kid but all the shows suck now.. theyre just all about awkward 7 year olds
could you go get me that
>>16974068
It's a slow process to being comfortable by myself but I'm working on it :) I can say that hooking up for me has been on occasion "empty" but there are some people who seem like they could be interested in me as a person. I just have some trouble distinguishing between that and someone being nice to me out of lust. Again. That's something I'm working on too. But i feel like I'll only learn that from experience... So now I'm back to my starting point.
I'm an idiot for not realizing you still had a crush on me and I am mildly sorry for trying to make you more infatuated for my own petty amusement.
I've been wanting to find a hetero guy latley and have very secret nasty PNP time
>>16974845
Initials?
I sucked dick for the first time yesterday. I was so nervous. We've been talking about giving him head for a while, and today while he was over and playing AC he said "Put my dick in your mouth." I unzipped his pants and pulled it out and he was already hard. While I blew him he didnt moan, but his stomach and thighs would tense up and sometimes he would let out these deep sighs. I fondled his balls with my hand but I dont know if he had any reaction to that or not. His cum tasted so fucking good. I hope I did an okay job, I dont know how to tell if he liked it or not. Afterwards he laughed and said "Pretty good! First time sucking dick and you did pretty good!" But he's known for being sarcastic.
>>16971455
I'm sad for you dear.
My Fiance and I have consented full disclosure in our relationship we share our money completely and jesus we would even sit in the bathroom while one of us is shitting and be holding a full conversation and laughing together. Its amazing and after 3 years of nothing but heartbreak within families and friends betraying our trust and leaving us and even losing our home. We still love each other more than ever and revel in our moments together. We're about to get a new home and we're even more excited about our lives together because we know what to do now. We can do it together. I wish you all the best anon and I really hope you find that partner to share full disclosure with, That will love and cherish it as much as you do dear.
I don't have to be strong enough to turn my life around
Just strong enough to finally pull the trigger
I'm fucking pissed half the time and extremely guilty the other half. Fucking hate it.
>>16974546
Fuck no
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm lonely. I know other people have it worse than me, so I feel kinda selfish saying this, but its starting to eat me alive. I'm starting to feel like even my friends dislike me. Like they tolerate me more than anything. I realize that most of this is probably in my head,but it still feels horrible. All I want more than anything is for someone to walk up to me and tell me they care about me.
>>16975106
This feel, right now. I never really thought about it from the "I'm lonely" perspective or maybe I'm in denial but it is what it is. I wish I could act differently but I've always been this way. I'm just a weirdo.
(;-;) kill me pls
Seeing the person who emotionally abused me for six years get everything they want in life is really fucking me up. Fuck, does it eat at me. While I'm here alone they're out there having the time of their life. I can't figure out what turn of fate or karma or whatever led me here. Shit, I can't even move on. They've left a looming shadow over my entire life - I don't trust people, I'm distant, I'm still a perpetual doormat, and I can't seem to talk like I used to. I don't even know if I could talk in the first place.
Fuck you, A. Fuck you.
>>16974939
dude cut that 'no one would care if i died' bullshit.
If you haven't talked to anyone about it yet you can't let suicide be an option. I guarantee you that someone out there cares about you. Sure everyone doesn't show it everyday like we should but we're a society of assholes. I remember I had a friend kill herself when I was 16, a good friend of mine I'd known her since I was 11. the worst part? She did it the weekend before the week before summer break when we all had finals. And she was playing cards against humanity with me that friday before she did it. I can't tell you how devastated I was when I heard the news. My good friend of five fucking years, decided to do something as selfish as to assume her life didn't matter to anyone so she took it. It drove me and many other friends into deep depression, i made horrible decisions and packed on a solid 40lbs in the following summer. Her suicide still lingers at the back of my mind today, because no matter how many years go by you can never truly heal from the wound left by a loved ones suicide.
So anon, please. I don't even fucking know you and I want you to stay alive. i care. I guarantee you I'm not the only one either. Go to someone you care about and who cares about you and talk to them about this.
Last weekend I went over to Girl's house, had some great food and conversations with her, and then we hooked up. We're both 19, I hadn't seen her in 6 months because she's in college (she was back for spring break), hadn't hooked up with her before.
I couldn't get hard at all when we tried to have sex at 3:30am. I've had a low sex drive recently (last 2 weeks), don't know why, maybe because I've been majorly depressed for the last year. I wasn't nervous at all but rather my mind kept on drifting, and I would think of nothing and feel nothing when I should have been enjoying the moment. I tried having sex with her the next morning but she didn't want to, perhaps because her friends were coming over relatively soon, which I was fine with.
I felt a genuine emotional connection to her and enjoyed her presence rather than viewing it as an opportunity to have sex with someone. When I left the next morning I felt worse than when I had arrived, more depressed, more lost in apathy the recesses of my mind, thinking of nothing. However, I don't think it had much if anything to do with not being able to get hard/have sex with her, as I didn't seem to have much of a desire to have sex and because I hardly felt embarrassed since I was oddly very comfortable around her.
I know that that's probably more than anyone will read, but if someone could evaluate what I wrote and give me some sort of advice I would immensely appreciate it. Diagnose me please. Not sure what action(s) I could take even if I have legitimate feelings for her as she is in college, but perhaps I could learn something from this experience. Thanks /adv/.
>>16975144
>in denial
Possibly, it was always in the back of my head when I was a kid, since my main objective was not to get my head kicked in at school. Then around the end of secondary, when the threat of that (mostly) disappeared, that thought of loneliness became front and centre. Course I never did anything about it, since I was too socially retarded to do anything about it. And now here I am, a 27 KV and no friends (real ones anyway).
Or it could be that you are on of those faggots that likes to pretend that they aren't one of the cool kids despite the opposite clearly being true. I know one guy like that, claims he is a social outcast or some bullshit like that but everyone loves the guy.
>>16974310
One year, and most are ready.
It really does not sound like you are, brother, and you should talk to your sponsor about this.
Please stop being sexual with me. You are ruining our friendship. The more you push this on me, the more straight I feel.
>>16975212
Come on bro, relax, it's just a brojob.
>>16975189
I could be seen as the cool guy who pretends to be an outcast but I am not a normal person on the inside. Often it's taken as me just having low self esteem or being timid but I'm really not. I could obviously just show some parts of myself that'll help me blend in and be "happy" or grateful for the things I have that others don't but I honestly don't even know anymore. I want to be happy y'know but the things that make other people happy don't really do anything for me and most people think I'm a piece of shit because of that or I'm being "too cool". I noticed at a young age, very young like 6, I was not like the other kids. I didn't understand then, I do now but I'd just sound like a dick if I told that to every new person I met. Especially after what ive done to myself to become the person I am now.
>>16975219
we're not men.
I want to see my roommates boobs
>>16974845
That's messed up
>>16972172
I did it anon, i felt so proud after we had talked. It took so much damn courage to approach her today. This is only the beginning of many more good times.
>>16975250
While you aren't saying the same things as him but Jesus, you sound close enough. I'm envious of the guy, and he thinks he's some sort of underdog.
>>16975252
....it's just a muff dive?
...Kek.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OVv-J-LXQU
Most people on /adv/ are overly emotional socially needy teenagers who can figure out their problems and have behaviors you'd see in animals fighting over mates and trying to get mates, whether through superficially increases or manipulative means.Most of you make me sick to how fucking stupid you are as to the consequence of your actions in relation to others and your moral fuck ups, you blunder me with every time I set foot in here and astonish to new levels how disgusting you fuckers are as incompetence human beings.
I feel better now.
>>16975770
>blunder me
Stop using words you don't understand
I'm afraid of what would happen to us if I leave
I'm even more afraid of what would happen to us if I stay
I want to love you, but I feel it might be in vain
Let's promise to enjoy it until we have to go get our shit together
Even if nothing can come of it, I'm glad I spent this time with you
>>16975775
Stop reply to posts that make me understand.
>>16975200
You're right, I don't think I am ready. My own shit isn't together enough to include someone else right now. It just really fucking sucks because I met such a wonderful person who, so far at least, accepts me for who I am and the giant mistakes I've made in the past. I'll admit it's kind of getting to the point if oneitis, aka probable delusion, but it doesn't make it any easier to be around someone who I feel like I've waited my whole life to meet (I realize that sounds idiotic but it's the truth). Just... Fuck timing. Thanks though, anon. It feels good to get this off my chest and be heard by someone.
>>16969269
Don't give up man. You seem like a strong person and this quality is one that not everybody has. Your family is lucky to have you and I am certain that one day you'll be rewarded for all the effort you are giving today. God Bless You and I'll keep you in mind in my prayers.
>>16975770
>you're all teenagers
There is a large population of socially maladjusted people in their late 20s to 30s who've found no solution to their woes, since they are far behind their peers socially when everyone else has settled or starting to. Catching up is a monumental if not impossible task.
Advice given here is usually inane shit.
>just do it
You're a really fucked up person.
I don't wanna hear his name, I don't wanna hear about your hang outs.
I know you got over it shortly after we broke up. I was aware of what you started doing on /v/ after the breakup. You don't need to go making a point to remind people that you moved on so quickly. I always said it was my fault for being unable to tell you what was on my mind all these months and me ending it wasn't because of you. I left it too long after ending it to be able to fix anything, and everything between January to this month just made me give up more, even when we had our conversation last time I didn't tell you what was on my mind. I said I wouldn't do anything unless there was a sign from you. There wasn't, nor did I ever expect there to be, it'd be stupid to expect one after so long. So all I will do is learn from my mistakes. I do mean everything I told you before, and everything I've vented about this situation since, but never did I presume my words would do something to overcome my lack of action. This is why I told you if there was someone better who you could be happy with, I'd wish you all the best. When he told you, publicly, how he started to feel for you and you jumped at the chance to be close to him I wrote, somewhere, "I'm happy for you. Sorry" and have said I hope he makes you happy ever since.
I'm keeping true to my word, on the subject of what I'd do in the future when you brought that up last month, and that I'd wish you all the best like I said I would. I'm not over you, it is my fault, I'm not expecting anything, I'm not even going to do anything because I never got a sign that it wasn't too late. At least you don't seem sad anymore, and you never openly comment on wanting to die nowadays, so that's an improvement over how you were when I first got to know you. It shows you're better off now with him. I'm an idiot for ending it, a bigger idiot for never telling you how I felt, but I'm not going to do anything about this anymore. I consider it too late, I never expected a sign, though. I'm glad you're at least bubbly and smiling now
>>16976020
Maybe there were a multitude of "signs" and you simply ignored them because having an excuse to continue in a downward spiral rather than put forth any effort is convenient
If you actually wanted something badly enough, you wouldn't wait for a sign. You wouldn't give up. You wouldn't leave.
You haven't learned a godamned thing
I'm sorry, you just remind me of someone who pisses me off. It isn't personal.
>>16969197
I'm narcissistic, delusional, and a spoiled melancholy fool.
I find it difficult to have a job for more than a few weeks.
I find it difficult to maintain a relationship/friendship for more than a few days.
I can't talk to the opposite sex casually for more than a few sentences without thinking about sexual intercourse and as a result I usually try to leave.
I think about sexual intercourse with my friends, but I don't want to alienate them the same way that I've done to the women I've dated in my life.
I find it difficult to admit that I'm wrong, and I find it harder to accept a different opinion.
I've decided to join the armed forces because I lack discipline and a backbone.
Hopefully I'll find something that my third eye couldn't show me.
I don't understand why you do these things.
>>16976038
If I care enough about someone, I'm not going to put myself before the thought I could inconvenience them. If someone showed they moved on so soon after we broke up, why would I inconvenience them by putting myself first without any sign that they felt anything back? They're the kind of person who would feel guilty for someone else feeling bad. There weren't any signs after the first month, only signs that they'd brushed themselves off even as early as to give away something I gave them pretty early into our relationship.
I don't agree that me giving up means I don't want something. I gave up because I put them before myself. I don't claim to be smart, but I have a grasp on the situation I am personally involved in. I may want something, but, as they themselves know, I would sooner forfeit my chance so that they can have something better than stand in their way just so I feel happier.
You're a selfish fuck.
>>16976086
You sound like my ex but there is no way he is delusional enough to think I had moved on after a month or to think he neither did nor said anything that gave me the impression that I was an inconvenience in his carefree bachelor life.
You have to think of yourself too. Saying you have to put others first always is a bullshit stance and you will create no circumstances for fulfillment like that. I would know. Not to sound like the Edge lord 3000 but I became very empty a long time ago. Trying to serve the least amount of burden possible is not a healthy state of mind and does nothing for you, and if someone cared about you or your feelings, not for them either.
I gave my ex boyfriend back his gifts because I was commanded to. He acted so surprised after telling me to do it. People are ridiculous.
>>16976111
It wasn't a month, it's been three and they showed several times over that they had moved on, along with that public display from someone else and them jumping at the chance to reciprocate. I said after a month because that's how soon they started showing signs they had moved on, along with every month since.
You gave your ex back what he gave you after being commanded to. My ex gave away what I gave them to someone they didn't even know without being told to. It wasn't even a heat of the moment thing, just how it was.
I'm a fucking loser. A depressed piece of shit. I can't get anything done. I'm not doing well in school. You're a goddamn genius and you're always pushing yourself even though you have it way harder than I do and your goals are so fucking high and you're achieving them and I know we love each other so fucking much but how long until you realize that I'm a worthless piece of shit and I'm just dragging you down. I'm not anywhere near your level. Why do you even want to be with me? It's only a matter of time before you realize how much better you could do. It's almost been a year now. I wish I could just get my shit together. How long until you resent me for being so upset with my easy life while you struggle constantly and stay strong while succeeding all the while.
How long will being kind and caring be enough? Anyone can do that shit. You do it, on top of it all. It's the bare minimum for a relationship and you can get so much more. I'm not even attractive, either. Your status and brains could get you someone so much better than me. Fuck.
I just wish I was good enough.
For you.
For myself.
I don't know why I'm even alive. I'm nothing but a burden and a let down.
The worst thing is I know that I'm capable of more. I just don't know how to get it out. This isn't the path I ever wanted my life to take, but I know it's the only one of any value...
Maybe I'll get my shit together over the summer.
I just want you.
>>16974845
>petty amusement
that's an interesting way to put it.
are you sure it's not because you need their interest to make yourself feel like you're worth something to someone?
come on, this is a vent thread. you can be honest.
Being loved is one of the bare necessities for human beings. Yet somehow I always fail to attain it. Why me? Almost quarter of a decade old, yet unloved. I try to be nice, to be helpful... But there's still this void in me. I no longer see the point in my work, in anything in general. What's the point, if my coworkers and classmates get to return home to their loved ones and share their affection, while I return only to extra work and an evening in front of the screen. I think I might break soon.
And You. I beg You, please, be gentle to me. It's tough taking your remarks as it is. But now I'm especially vulnerable.
I need you. I love you. You're everything to me. I can't wait for us to see each other again. Come for a walk with me, hold my hand, and let me gaze into your eyes for hours, it's our perfect date. We had a good foundation, I know we've been through so many ups and downs and came out the other side of ot trusting and shy and open to love. Be faithful to me. I won't hurt you. I'll meet your needs, you make me happier than anyone before. I worked on myself, I did what I could to get over my insecurities, I know you did too. We can take the best care of each other. I can't wait to be in your arms. I want to stroke your hair. I want to touch you. I want to kiss you. Take me home
I wish I was dead.
I should've never put my feet down when I had a rope around my neck years ago....I should've drank more while popping my pills...I should've tried to kill those cops I called a few years ago...I should've kept my head under water till all the bubbles stopped escaping my body...I should've tired harder at death than failing to live...
There's a terrible multi-player website called MIRAI.SO. I want it to be taken down, and if anyone has the resources to do so please go ahead. The website encourages cyber bullying, and is full of perverts and annoying pubescent teenagers that constantly harass users. It's absolutely crap, and deserves to be removed from the internet. This website lead to the unfortunate suicide of my best friend Isabelle, and I want nothing more than to see it go down. It should be reasonably easy to DDOS, I can assure you that.
Had another nightmare about you again. It's weird, I don't know why this happens. You've plainly refused for a long time, but I wish you would send me a message.
>>16976235
Initials?
I am slowly going insane.
I never had a girlfriend, and I never got laid either, but there she is. Too bad she prides herself of being spoilt and says I gotta become "normal" to stay with her because now I'm too unconventional. There is also too much drama involve that is making me go crazy, in the wrong way. Also her best friend, a male, sleeps at her place every single night when I'm not there. I already told her they will end up in a relationship sooner or later.
I gotta study 1000+ pages of Politics books for University, as well as starting my driver's license (age 23), seeing a shrink ((I did it mostly for her) and going to various doctors because apparently I am not that healthy.
Last time I spoke to my Father on the phone, for Easter, we ended up talking about the wether, like two strangers. My younger brother has almost disappeared from my life, leaving only his mess in the house we live in. He is 19 and dating a 14 year old as well which makes the situation weirder.
Honestly only weed is calming me down. Yesterday I broke down and cried for 4 times. I cannot go on like this.
>>16976188
This is really sweet tbqh. I hope you find your happiness.
>>16976388
And just to add more fucked up stuff, for one day I was managing to control my anxiety and depressive crisis... My friend randomly tells me how he tried to commit harakiri by stabbing himself in the chest yesterday. What the fucking hell
>>16969269
I fucking pray for you.
Have a kitten. It always makes me feel better
The only person who has an opinion that actually matters is the only person I really don't want to discuss this with
I need to calm down
This shit doesn't even matter yet
>>16975787
No worries, brother. I'll be here, if you need to talk.
I have a little over a year clean, myself. I understand where you are coming from, and your concerns.
If you feel that strongly toward her... Does she know about your situation?
I need a driiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink =w=
